and I'm stuck
 

Know that point at which you stare at something so long you just can't make up an opinion on it anymore? yeah i'm at that state, so i've decided i need some fresh eyes on this. tell me what you think.


Stepped down from that
first rung quick enough,
Surprising yet not so,
The process was quick though
Not painless, what else could be expected.
It’s the second,
Grasping, clutching that refuses to let go,
Which suits just fine.
There’s comfort in familiarity,
An un-weighted chest feels uncomfortably light
Its uncertainty won’t stay on the ground
So back again to that second one,
Can’t risk leaving this trench since
There’s no reward, and little incentive.
But even now it’s unraveling,
A carefully constructed fabrication
Of boundaries since its,
Only so long before things frozen thaw,
If such a tenacious hold slackens,
Released the hold for an instant,
Just to rest on solid ground,
Rest for a minute, just a taste.
Such a regulated experiment,
Compromised for a moment of relaxation,
A momentary slackening of such
A rigid routine,
Causes such bewilderment,
Confusion, tripped up and spun around,
Somehow jumped the next three rungs,
To somewhere in between
The last two, in limbo.

seems out of place. the introduction of the sensation of cold is presented at random and is never revisited in the song. not even hinted towards.

We also have that ever present and ambiguous "IT" in the song. This gets old in my opinion.

I really like where this is heading though. The "it" thing is what takes away from the song.

good call on the first point, and you're right about all the "it"s. so this is the revised version, looking better I think.

Stepped down from that
first rung quick enough,
Surprising yet not so,
The process was quick though
Not painless, what else could be expected.
There’s just that second rung,
Clinging, clawing that refuses to let go,
Which suits just fine.
There’s comfort in familiarity,
An un-weighted chest feels uncomfortably light
and uncertainty won’t remain grounded
So back again to that second rung.
Can’t risk leaving this trench since
There’s no reward, and little incentive.
But even now the web is unraveling,
A carefully constructed fabrication
Of boundaries but it’s tenacity
Just isn’t what it used to be.
If such an unrelenting hold slackens,
Released the hold for an instant,
Just to rest on solid ground,
Rest for a minute, just a taste.
Such a regulated experiment,
Compromised for a moment of relaxation,
A momentary slackening of such
A rigid routine,
Causes such bewilderment,
Confusion, tripped up and spun around,
Somehow jumped the next three rungs,
To somewhere in between
The last two, in limbo.

Ah! b-e-a-utiful. Good show, sir. I would love to hear this recorded.

sweet, thanks for the pointers. and on a side note, it'd be ma'am, not sir. but don't say that, "ma'am" creeps me out just a bit.

This is twice that I've been caught callin' a chick a dude. How am I supposed to know with these unisex aliases >.<

haha, no worries, happens quite often with me.