dont got a title yet

Crazy Luv · 01-11-2006, 09:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Crowe

Uh, just so the contradiction bashing stops... I'll copy and paste what I wrote in my critique, just because it's really long and probably no one but crazy will read it...

Ok, now, about the contradictory lines in which people are giving you **** about. This is not incorrect. I'll tell you why! This works in Dialectical Methodology, contradiction does not refer to a conflict purely in a person's thinking or in logic. Rather, it indicates, for example, a clash between one's theory and one's practice, or one's words and one's deeds.

Now whether Crazy new he was doing this or not, this is what it turned out to be... hes not wrong, its just something you're not used to.

he

, im a she! for one thing!

& second of all....thank you all for your comments i'll take them into consideration. i'll keep working on it.

Crowe · 01-11-2006, 09:18 PM

My bad

, SHE.

madeinNY · 01-12-2006, 05:05 PM

I coulda swore I review this...

Umm, yea the "she" and "they" part is way repetitive..other than that I like it...

They are willing to let anyone in if they actually tried <<that part actually kinda doesn't go with the rest of the "they" part in my opinion...maybe if you re-worded it a tinge...

When she looks in the mirror, she sees two too << the "too" shouldn't be here yet, just at the end of the song, because we haven't yet heard of another person or "they"....

Crazy Luv · 01-12-2006, 05:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by madeinNY

I coulda swore I review this...

Umm, yea the "she" and "they" part is way repetitive..other than that I like it...

They are willing to let anyone in if they actually tried <<that part actually kinda doesn't go with the rest of the "they" part in my opinion...maybe if you re-worded it a tinge...

When she looks in the mirror, she sees two too << the "too" shouldn't be here yet, just at the end of the song, because we haven't yet heard of another person or "they"....

what do you mean? the starting is speaking of the "two" the whole time.
thanks for your review though

madeinNY · 01-12-2006, 05:24 PM

Hm, I didn't get that effect...oh well Im slow. lol

No problem :]

Crazy Luv · 01-12-2006, 05:33 PM

No worries, i have to fix that(getting ppl not to be confused)

how about this one....

Revenge
There was something about the look in your eyes
That took me away to secret paradise
But then you let a bitch share my place
So i took my fist and smashed it in your face

You wanna cheat on me
I'll show you the bitch i could truly be
Cause you see,
That nice girl is gone and i took her place
Im here to teach you a lesson
You'll be forced to embrace

I tore my key into your pretty car
Broke into it by shattering the window
Took my keys and ripped deep into your leather seats
Busted both headlights and slashed the tires
Thats just the beginning

You wanna cheat on me
I'll show you the bitch i could truly be
Cause you see,
That nice girl is gone and i took her place
Im here to teach you a lesson
You'll be forced to embrace

Guess who wasnt home at this time of day
Got in through the side window and had my way
Gave my buddies the address of where i would be
Accidently forgot to lock and close the door behind me
Still dont think you had enough

You wanna cheat on me
I'll show you the bitch i could truly be
Cause you see,
That nice girl is gone and i took her place
Im here to teach you a lesson
You'll be forced to embrace

Called your work and had a talk with your boss
Informed him that i was in there earlier
That this particular worker reeked of pot
That should get the ball of suspicion rolling
Almost done, just one more thing

You wanna cheat on me
I'll show you the bitch i could truly be
Cause you see,
That nice girl is gone and i took her place
Im here to teach you a lesson
You'll be forced to embrace

Arranged to meet up with you and the dip**** that shares my place
Funny thing is that you actually cheated on her with me
Wait a minute, can you repeat that a little louder
"Playing aint easy when you're in the game"

jibber · 01-12-2006, 11:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Crazy Luv

No worries, i have to fix that(getting ppl not to be confused)

how about this one....

Revenge
There was something about the look in your eyes
That took me away to secret paradise
But then you let a bitch share my place
So i took my fist and smashed it in your face

You wanna cheat on me
I'll show you the bitch i could truly be
Cause you see,
That nice girl is gone and i took her place
Im here to teach you a lesson
You'll be forced to embrace

I tore my key into your pretty car
Broke into it by shattering the window
Took my keys and ripped deep into your leather seats
Busted both headlights and slashed the tires
Thats just the beginning

You wanna cheat on me
I'll show you the bitch i could truly be
Cause you see,
That nice girl is gone and i took her place
Im here to teach you a lesson
You'll be forced to embrace

Guess who wasnt home at this time of day
Got in through the side window and had my way
Gave my buddies the address of where i would be
Accidently forgot to lock and close the door behind me
Still dont think you had enough

You wanna cheat on me
I'll show you the bitch i could truly be
Cause you see,
That nice girl is gone and i took her place
Im here to teach you a lesson
You'll be forced to embrace

Called your work and had a talk with your boss
Informed him that i was in there earlier
That this particular worker reeked of pot
That should get the ball of suspicion rolling
Almost done, just one more thing

You wanna cheat on me
I'll show you the bitch i could truly be
Cause you see,
That nice girl is gone and i took her place
Im here to teach you a lesson
You'll be forced to embrace

Arranged to meet up with you and the dip**** that shared my place
Funny thing is that you actually cheated on her with me
Wait a minute, can you repeat that a little louded...
"Playing aint easy when you're in the game"

to be honoest, i'm not crazy about this one. it reads more as a rant than a song. it's supposed to be a song about revenge, but the subject matter makes the protagonist of the song just seem like a petty, angry, overemotional b*tch. I know the character in the song is acknowledging that she's a b*tch, but still, it just doesnt shed a good light on it, and makes it seem pretty juvenile. Your other one was a whol lot better.

either/or · 01-12-2006, 11:52 PM

you angry women scare me

madeinNY · 01-13-2006, 06:31 AM

angry women=angry sex

so be happy about it.

Crazy Luv · 01-13-2006, 09:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jibber

to be honoest, i'm not crazy about this one. it reads more as a rant than a song. it's supposed to be a song about revenge, but the subject matter makes the protagonist of the song just seem like a petty, angry, overemotional b*tch. I know the character in the song is acknowledging that she's a b*tch, but still, it just doesnt shed a good light on it, and makes it seem pretty juvenile. Your other one was a whol lot better.

well she is an angry, emotional bitch at the time, due to him playing her. what good light is gonna come from destroying your soon-to-be ex's life? *lol* yea! its juvenile

, exactly what its suppose to be!

01-12-2006, 05:05 PM	#13 (permalink)
madeinNY [[la de da diddy da]] Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: NY...duh. Posts: 444	I coulda swore I review this... Umm, yea the "she" and "they" part is way repetitive..other than that I like it... They are willing to let anyone in if they actually tried <<that part actually kinda doesn't go with the rest of the "they" part in my opinion...maybe if you re-worded it a tinge... When she looks in the mirror, she sees two too << the "too" shouldn't be here yet, just at the end of the song, because we haven't yet heard of another person or "they".... __________________ I cleared out my PM box...I promise. lol

01-12-2006, 05:24 PM	#15 (permalink)
madeinNY [[la de da diddy da]] Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: NY...duh. Posts: 444	Hm, I didn't get that effect...oh well Im slow. lol No problem :] __________________ I cleared out my PM box...I promise. lol

01-12-2006, 11:52 PM	#18 (permalink)
either/or Don't think twice Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: A basement on the hill Posts: 352	you angry women scare me __________________ Painstaking devotion and love Surrendered to self preservation From others who care for themselves A blindness that touches perfection But hurts just like anything else Isolation, isolation, isolation

01-13-2006, 06:31 AM	#19 (permalink)
madeinNY [[la de da diddy da]] Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: NY...duh. Posts: 444	angry women=angry sex so be happy about it. __________________ I cleared out my PM box...I promise. lol

01-11-2006, 09:18 PM	#12 (permalink)
Crowe Music Addict Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 699	My bad , SHE.

01-12-2006, 05:33 PM	#16 (permalink)
Crazy Luv a l'amou fou pou tout Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: NY Posts: 355	No worries, i have to fix that(getting ppl not to be confused) how about this one.... Revenge There was something about the look in your eyes That took me away to secret paradise But then you let a bitch share my place So i took my fist and smashed it in your face You wanna cheat on me I'll show you the bitch i could truly be Cause you see, That nice girl is gone and i took her place Im here to teach you a lesson You'll be forced to embrace I tore my key into your pretty car Broke into it by shattering the window Took my keys and ripped deep into your leather seats Busted both headlights and slashed the tires Thats just the beginning You wanna cheat on me I'll show you the bitch i could truly be Cause you see, That nice girl is gone and i took her place Im here to teach you a lesson You'll be forced to embrace Guess who wasnt home at this time of day Got in through the side window and had my way Gave my buddies the address of where i would be Accidently forgot to lock and close the door behind me Still dont think you had enough You wanna cheat on me I'll show you the bitch i could truly be Cause you see, That nice girl is gone and i took her place Im here to teach you a lesson You'll be forced to embrace Called your work and had a talk with your boss Informed him that i was in there earlier That this particular worker reeked of pot That should get the ball of suspicion rolling Almost done, just one more thing You wanna cheat on me I'll show you the bitch i could truly be Cause you see, That nice girl is gone and i took her place Im here to teach you a lesson You'll be forced to embrace Arranged to meet up with you and the dip**** that shares my place Funny thing is that you actually cheated on her with me Wait a minute, can you repeat that a little louder "Playing aint easy when you're in the game"