My Bad song titled "65th Floor" (quote, songs)

17lH_8791_Pl38 · 01-10-2006, 03:46 PM

This is my first song I have written. I dont think its very good
Please give me your opinion.

Its going through his head over and over again
he says the time is now to end it all
He is thinking about his family his Wife and his two sons
his freinds and his parents when his gone

CHORUS
His looking out the window of the 65th floor
his ready to say goodbye to the world and end it all
well his looking out the window of the 65th floor
his ready to say goodbye and end it all

As he walks up the stairs to his appartment room door
he conts the steps on his way
he opens the door and he walks in the room
hes going to leave the world his own way

CHORUS

Well he walks out to the balcony and he takes a deep breath
Takes a last look at the World he knew
and he steps up on the balconys ledge
He says goodbye and falls down to his death

CHORUS

Well there it is my very bad song.

sleepy jack · 01-10-2006, 03:50 PM

Everyone sucks when they start, like one of my first songs contained the line "Were all just living to die so lets slit our wrists and cry" =P and for your first its good. Normally suicide is cliche, but writing about the typical middle age man jumping off the building isn't really.

17lH_8791_Pl38 · 01-10-2006, 04:26 PM

Do you think its apropriate for a 14 year old to write this kind of song. Cause thats my age

sleepy jack · 01-10-2006, 04:27 PM

Yes, its good for your age.

17lH_8791_Pl38 · 01-10-2006, 04:31 PM

Thanks

madeinNY · 01-10-2006, 05:55 PM

I think it's very good for your first try, but the spelling mistakes kinda makes it hard on the eyes, but that has nothing to do with the music.

Yea, it's definatly not cliche by any means, but, I think you should state why he is killing himself in the song.

either/or · 01-11-2006, 02:36 AM

yeah its good your 14 cause ur going thru your whole teenage 'life sucks' thing. an adult writing stuff like that...well thats real depression

TrampInaTux · 01-14-2006, 07:34 AM

Meh. Its okay. Nothing special. Can't see why you would post it-you may aswell make a real good one then post it.

madeinNY · 01-14-2006, 07:06 PM

Yea but, hobo, the whole reason people post in here is 'cause they want to make the song better

Crazy Luv · 01-15-2006, 12:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 17lH_8791_Pl38

Its going through his head over and over again
he thinks the timing's best to annihilate
thoughts drifting to his parents, wife, two sons, and his friends
brooding about how they'll react when hes gone

CHORUS
Hes looking out the window of the 65th floor
hes ready to say goodbye to the world and end it all
well hes looking out the window of the 65th floor
hes ready to say goodbye and end it all

As he walks up the stairs to his appartment room door
he counts the steps on his way
he opens the door and he walks in the room
hes going to leave the world his own way

CHORUS

Finds what he was looking for, a pen
Grabs a piece of paper and sits at his desk
He writes his goodbye to the world
Licks and seals it, places it on the bed

CHORUS

Walks out to the balcony and takes a deep breath
Takes a last look at the world he knew
and he steps up on the balconys ledge
He crys out goodbye and falls down to his death

He looked out of the window of the 65th floor
he wrote his goodbye to the world and ended it all
well he looked out of the window of the 65th floor
he wrote his goodbye and ended it all

ended it all

ended it all

fixed it a lil bit, just giving ideas

damn depressing though

01-10-2006, 03:46 PM	#1 (permalink)
17lH_8791_Pl38 Groupie Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Melbourne, Australia Posts: 20	My Bad song titled "65th Floor" This is my first song I have written. I dont think its very good Please give me your opinion. Its going through his head over and over again he says the time is now to end it all He is thinking about his family his Wife and his two sons his freinds and his parents when his gone CHORUS His looking out the window of the 65th floor his ready to say goodbye to the world and end it all well his looking out the window of the 65th floor his ready to say goodbye and end it all As he walks up the stairs to his appartment room door he conts the steps on his way he opens the door and he walks in the room hes going to leave the world his own way CHORUS Well he walks out to the balcony and he takes a deep breath Takes a last look at the World he knew and he steps up on the balconys ledge He says goodbye and falls down to his death CHORUS Well there it is my very bad song.

01-10-2006, 05:55 PM	#6 (permalink)
madeinNY [[la de da diddy da]] Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: NY...duh. Posts: 444	I think it's very good for your first try, but the spelling mistakes kinda makes it hard on the eyes, but that has nothing to do with the music. Yea, it's definatly not cliche by any means, but, I think you should state why he is killing himself in the song. __________________ I cleared out my PM box...I promise. lol

01-11-2006, 02:36 AM	#7 (permalink)
either/or Don't think twice Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: A basement on the hill Posts: 352	yeah its good your 14 cause ur going thru your whole teenage 'life sucks' thing. an adult writing stuff like that...well thats real depression __________________ Painstaking devotion and love Surrendered to self preservation From others who care for themselves A blindness that touches perfection But hurts just like anything else Isolation, isolation, isolation

01-14-2006, 07:06 PM	#9 (permalink)
madeinNY [[la de da diddy da]] Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: NY...duh. Posts: 444	Yea but, hobo, the whole reason people post in here is 'cause they want to make the song better __________________ I cleared out my PM box...I promise. lol

01-10-2006, 04:26 PM	#3 (permalink)
17lH_8791_Pl38 Groupie Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Melbourne, Australia Posts: 20	Do you think its apropriate for a 14 year old to write this kind of song. Cause thats my age

01-10-2006, 04:31 PM	#5 (permalink)
17lH_8791_Pl38 Groupie Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Melbourne, Australia Posts: 20	Thanks

01-14-2006, 07:34 AM	#8 (permalink)
TrampInaTux that's my war face. Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 1,418	Meh. Its okay. Nothing special. Can't see why you would post it-you may aswell make a real good one then post it.