My Bad song titled "65th Floor"
 

This is my first song I have written. I dont think its very good
Please give me your opinion.

Its going through his head over and over again
he says the time is now to end it all
He is thinking about his family his Wife and his two sons
his freinds and his parents when his gone

CHORUS
His looking out the window of the 65th floor
his ready to say goodbye to the world and end it all
well his looking out the window of the 65th floor
his ready to say goodbye and end it all

As he walks up the stairs to his appartment room door
he conts the steps on his way
he opens the door and he walks in the room
hes going to leave the world his own way

CHORUS

Well he walks out to the balcony and he takes a deep breath
Takes a last look at the World he knew
and he steps up on the balconys ledge
He says goodbye and falls down to his death

CHORUS

Well there it is my very bad song.

Everyone sucks when they start, like one of my first songs contained the line "Were all just living to die so lets slit our wrists and cry" =P and for your first its good. Normally suicide is cliche, but writing about the typical middle age man jumping off the building isn't really.

Do you think its apropriate for a 14 year old to write this kind of song. Cause thats my age

Yes, its good for your age.

Thanks

I think it's very good for your first try, but the spelling mistakes kinda makes it hard on the eyes, but that has nothing to do with the music. ;)

Yea, it's definatly not cliche by any means, but, I think you should state why he is killing himself in the song.

yeah its good your 14 cause ur going thru your whole teenage 'life sucks' thing. an adult writing stuff like that...well thats real depression

Meh. Its okay. Nothing special. Can't see why you would post it-you may aswell make a real good one then post it.

Yea but, hobo, the whole reason people post in here is 'cause they want to make the song better ;)

fixed it a lil bit, just giving ideas

damn depressing though