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01-10-2006, 10:40 AM | #1 (permalink) |
The Forums Sadistic Ghost
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: beyond midnight, in the abyss of time, the syren in the night
Posts: 457
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Fear and delight
Fear and delight
my myrth* diminished my sadist soars your sorrowful wishes open my doors your cries they echo from the pits very bottom my hearts crecendo* it must not be trodden the silver kiss a poison so sudden death comes swift never begrudging pains come slowly they're colors blod red they pour upon you tearing you to shreds the second wind* comes the catalyst of night a boundles fantasia* my starless delight spellbound impetus* my soliace in love a terrible siren* an impious dove nightmarish shade fear and delight an innate facination is all made right a senile dream our thoughts intersect a stalemated* triumph my heart stands erect my nimble hands your attention they hold don't ever worry our secrets aren't told hate and love they're only a tiff* they're zeniths right just alittle rift _____________________________________ *= need definitions in order: Myrth - happiness crecendo- gain in volume(in hearing) coming to a climax second wind- rebreath, second coming, regaining fantasia- melody without a set pattern, no patten of form impetus- the force in which the body move aginst restitance( use you imagination) stalemate - no winner, in chess when no move can be made tiff - a small argument
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I'm not a freak on a leash, I'm just the freak holding the leash. http://www.myspace.com/yukiko_mori |
01-10-2006, 12:26 PM | #3 (permalink) |
The Sexual Intellectual
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Somewhere cooler than you
Posts: 18,605
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Thats interesting
So what was your inspiration behind it? Makes a change from the usual 'i hate myself' stuff thats usually posted in here
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Urb's RYM Stuff Most people sell their soul to the devil, but the devil sells his soul to Nick Cave. |
01-10-2006, 12:28 PM | #4 (permalink) |
isfckingdead
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 18,967
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Way to depressin no offense but it needs to be happier. I suppose its ok, it flows nicely. The expanded vocabulary was good. But still its way depressing which kind of ruins it.
Another thing don't bump, delete your post and bump again. |
01-10-2006, 12:31 PM | #5 (permalink) |
The Forums Sadistic Ghost
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: beyond midnight, in the abyss of time, the syren in the night
Posts: 457
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its violent not depressing , it was base on some music by dir en grey.
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I'm not a freak on a leash, I'm just the freak holding the leash. http://www.myspace.com/yukiko_mori |
01-10-2006, 03:24 PM | #6 (permalink) | |
The Forums Sadistic Ghost
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: beyond midnight, in the abyss of time, the syren in the night
Posts: 457
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Quote:
please misfits, don't make small of something you know you like. or your just jealous because i can write better?
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I'm not a freak on a leash, I'm just the freak holding the leash. http://www.myspace.com/yukiko_mori |
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01-10-2006, 04:39 PM | #8 (permalink) |
Dinosaurus Rex!!!
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Winchester, VA
Posts: 896
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What's with the definitions? Seems really pretentious* considering most of your vocabularly was poorly utilized*.
pretentious - attempting to impress by affecting greater importance, talent, culture, etcetera, than is actually possessed utilized - made practical and effective use of |
01-10-2006, 05:12 PM | #9 (permalink) |
you are freakin out, man
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: ajax, ontario
Posts: 129
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i would crit this... but pretentious is about the right word...
dear lord... definitions... how bout looking up mirth... i dunno where you are, but i think you should spell a word right if youre gonna make a big deal about your advanced vocabulary, you also forget to define some of the words you put the star on... dont worry, i know what a siren is... oh and eughkckpaoidf* *new word i just made up to describe my disappointment in both the quality of writing/ critiques on this forum, as well as the disgust i feel when reading how egotistical a person can be, especially when there song makes little to no sense, even with spelling corrections you need to work on the rhyming, which once again seems forced. You also have no means of connecting with readers, as alot of it doesnt make all that much sense, and there seems to be little or no attempt to get away from the cliches with some kind of imagery or metaphor or something. nice job!!! *puts gun to head* |
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