creepinson

i would crit this... but pretentious is about the right word...

dear lord... definitions... how bout looking up mirth... i dunno where you are, but i think you should spell a word right if youre gonna make a big deal about your advanced vocabulary, you also forget to define some of the words you put the star on... dont worry, i know what a siren is... oh and eughkckpaoidf*

*new word i just made up to describe my disappointment in both the quality of writing/ critiques on this forum, as well as the disgust i feel when reading how egotistical a person can be, especially when there song makes little to no sense, even with spelling corrections

you need to work on the rhyming, which once again seems forced. You also have no means of connecting with readers, as alot of it doesnt make all that much sense, and there seems to be little or no attempt to get away from the cliches with some kind of imagery or metaphor or something.

nice job!!! *puts gun to head*