Fear and delight (doors, Kiss, effect, volume, quote)

Ma Cherie · 01-10-2006, 10:40 AM

Fear and delight

my myrth* diminished
my sadist soars
your sorrowful wishes
open my doors

your cries they echo
from the pits very bottom
my hearts crecendo*
it must not be trodden

the silver kiss
a poison so sudden
death comes swift
never begrudging

pains come slowly
they're colors blod red
they pour upon you
tearing you to shreds

the second wind* comes
the catalyst of night
a boundles fantasia*
my starless delight

spellbound impetus*
my soliace in love
a terrible siren*
an impious dove

nightmarish shade
fear and delight
an innate facination
is all made right

a senile dream
our thoughts intersect
a stalemated* triumph
my heart stands erect

my nimble hands
your attention they hold
don't ever worry
our secrets aren't told

hate and love
they're only a tiff*
they're zeniths right
just alittle rift
_____________________________________

*= need definitions

in order:

Myrth - happiness

crecendo- gain in volume(in hearing) coming to a climax

second wind- rebreath, second coming, regaining

fantasia- melody without a set pattern, no patten of form

impetus- the force in which the body move aginst restitance( use you imagination)

stalemate - no winner, in chess when no move can be made

tiff - a small argument

Ma Cherie · 01-10-2006, 12:24 PM

bump

Urban Hat€monger ? · 01-10-2006, 12:26 PM

Thats interesting

So what was your inspiration behind it?

Makes a change from the usual 'i hate myself' stuff thats usually posted in here

sleepy jack · 01-10-2006, 12:28 PM

Way to depressin no offense but it needs to be happier. I suppose its ok, it flows nicely. The expanded vocabulary was good. But still its way depressing which kind of ruins it.

Another thing don't bump, delete your post and bump again.

Ma Cherie · 01-10-2006, 12:31 PM

its violent not depressing , it was base on some music by dir en grey.

Ma Cherie · 01-10-2006, 03:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alexisonfire

Way to depressin no offense but it needs to be happier. I suppose its ok, it flows nicely. The expanded vocabulary was good. But still its way depressing which kind of ruins it.

Another thing don't bump, delete your post and bump again.

please misfits, don't make small of something you know you like. or your just jealous because i can write better?

sleepy jack · 01-10-2006, 04:03 PM

Better writer? That was an arrogant statement, also uncalled for. I was giving my view and opinion on the song/poem. I thought it was too dark. I stand by it being ok.

A_Perfect_Sonnet · 01-10-2006, 04:39 PM

What's with the definitions? Seems really pretentious* considering most of your vocabularly was poorly utilized*.

pretentious - attempting to impress by affecting greater importance, talent, culture, etcetera, than is actually possessed

utilized - made practical and effective use of

creepinson · 01-10-2006, 05:12 PM

i would crit this... but pretentious is about the right word...

dear lord... definitions... how bout looking up mirth... i dunno where you are, but i think you should spell a word right if youre gonna make a big deal about your advanced vocabulary, you also forget to define some of the words you put the star on... dont worry, i know what a siren is... oh and eughkckpaoidf*

*new word i just made up to describe my disappointment in both the quality of writing/ critiques on this forum, as well as the disgust i feel when reading how egotistical a person can be, especially when there song makes little to no sense, even with spelling corrections

you need to work on the rhyming, which once again seems forced. You also have no means of connecting with readers, as alot of it doesnt make all that much sense, and there seems to be little or no attempt to get away from the cliches with some kind of imagery or metaphor or something.

nice job!!! *puts gun to head*

A_Perfect_Sonnet · 01-10-2006, 05:25 PM

Who are you on MX creepinson?

01-10-2006, 10:40 AM	#1 (permalink)
Ma Cherie The Forums Sadistic Ghost Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: beyond midnight, in the abyss of time, the syren in the night Posts: 457	Fear and delight Fear and delight my myrth* diminished my sadist soars your sorrowful wishes open my doors your cries they echo from the pits very bottom my hearts crecendo* it must not be trodden the silver kiss a poison so sudden death comes swift never begrudging pains come slowly they're colors blod red they pour upon you tearing you to shreds the second wind* comes the catalyst of night a boundles fantasia* my starless delight spellbound impetus* my soliace in love a terrible siren* an impious dove nightmarish shade fear and delight an innate facination is all made right a senile dream our thoughts intersect a stalemated* triumph my heart stands erect my nimble hands your attention they hold don't ever worry our secrets aren't told hate and love they're only a tiff* they're zeniths right just alittle rift _____________________________________ = need definitions in order: Myrth - happiness crecendo- gain in volume(in hearing) coming to a climax second wind- rebreath, second coming, regaining fantasia- melody without a set pattern, no patten of form impetus- the force in which the body move aginst restitance( use you imagination) stalemate - no winner, in chess when no move can be made tiff - a small argument __________________ I'm not a freak on a leash, I'm just the freak holding the leash.* http://www.myspace.com/yukiko_mori

01-10-2006, 12:24 PM	#2 (permalink)
Ma Cherie The Forums Sadistic Ghost Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: beyond midnight, in the abyss of time, the syren in the night Posts: 457	bump __________________ I'm not a freak on a leash, I'm just the freak holding the leash. http://www.myspace.com/yukiko_mori

01-10-2006, 12:26 PM	#3 (permalink)
Urban Hat€monger ? The Sexual Intellectual Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Somewhere cooler than you Posts: 18,605	Thats interesting So what was your inspiration behind it? Makes a change from the usual 'i hate myself' stuff thats usually posted in here __________________ Urb's RYM Stuff Most people sell their soul to the devil, but the devil sells his soul to Nick Cave.

01-10-2006, 12:31 PM	#5 (permalink)
Ma Cherie The Forums Sadistic Ghost Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: beyond midnight, in the abyss of time, the syren in the night Posts: 457	its violent not depressing , it was base on some music by dir en grey. __________________ I'm not a freak on a leash, I'm just the freak holding the leash. http://www.myspace.com/yukiko_mori

01-10-2006, 04:39 PM	#8 (permalink)
A_Perfect_Sonnet Dinosaurus Rex!!! Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Winchester, VA Posts: 896	What's with the definitions? Seems really pretentious* considering most of your vocabularly was poorly utilized*. pretentious - attempting to impress by affecting greater importance, talent, culture, etcetera, than is actually possessed utilized - made practical and effective use of

01-10-2006, 05:12 PM	#9 (permalink)
creepinson you are freakin out, man Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: ajax, ontario Posts: 129	i would crit this... but pretentious is about the right word... dear lord... definitions... how bout looking up mirth... i dunno where you are, but i think you should spell a word right if youre gonna make a big deal about your advanced vocabulary, you also forget to define some of the words you put the star on... dont worry, i know what a siren is... oh and eughkckpaoidf* new word i just made up to describe my disappointment in both the quality of writing/ critiques on this forum, as well as the disgust i feel when reading how egotistical a person can be, especially when there song makes little to no sense, even with spelling corrections you need to work on the rhyming, which once again seems forced. You also have no means of connecting with readers, as alot of it doesnt make all that much sense, and there seems to be little or no attempt to get away from the cliches with some kind of imagery or metaphor or something. nice job!!! puts gun to head*

01-10-2006, 05:25 PM	#10 (permalink)
A_Perfect_Sonnet Dinosaurus Rex!!! Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Winchester, VA Posts: 896	Who are you on MX creepinson?