"Just"-A poem (lyrics, dance, Eminem, rapper)

madeinNY · 01-09-2006, 08:26 PM

Sometimes cliché is the truth
All I want to say is cliché
It’s what has happen to me
What happens to me
Apparently
Happens to everyone else
And that makes what I have to say
Just a bit cliché

All that matters is that I understand
Say anything
It means nothing.
I can always shut off the lights and hold my head
And sleep
And it’ll go away
But it won’t stay away

I can’t help but rhyme a bit
It just flows naturally
I don’t care what you say
Be like shooter mcgavin
Go chew on some hay, down by the bay…you just may

Afraid is not my problem
I can stand up for myself
Everyone is unique
Not all kids the same
Not everyone plays candy land
Or other childhood games

You say don’t worry about such things
You’ve got plenty of time to grow up and worry
Don’t be in such a gosh darn hurry!

You have to admit
This poem is cute
It’s making you smile
I’m not all that vile

Big3 hates this rhyming
It’s not clever enough
He says
What if I’m not trying to be clever?
Just simply stating fact with rhyme?
After all that’s what Eminem does.

I don’t write to be clever
I write to state and express
I’m not trying to get quoted
I’m trying to make you see
See the other sides to me.

~~bungalow~~ · 01-09-2006, 08:28 PM

Hmm, I have a question

What gave you the inspiration to write this....

BlatzKriegBop · 01-09-2006, 08:29 PM

Question, if all that matter is you understand, why both posting it at all? Oh, also are you asking to be flamed? The poem isn't very good either.

madeinNY · 01-09-2006, 08:40 PM

Bungallow, why ask the obvious?

Other person who has 54 posts...because Im interested on what people have to say.

mosesandtherubberducky · 01-09-2006, 08:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by madeinNY

Other person who has 54 posts...because Im interested on what people have to say.

They have a name you discriminating bitch

TheBig3 · 01-09-2006, 09:05 PM

I like the name drop.

Its not rhyming that bothers my directly, but rhyming makes people who rhyme monosylabic words think their clever, rhyming makes people contort senteces to absurdity just to get a rhyme. Rhyming kills imagry.

Let me tell you right now, cliche's do not happen to people they happen to characters people want to be. Quit ****ing acting, they do not happen. You said that because you're a lazy writer.

news flash to aspiring writers: good writing doens't flow from your fingers like water, every writer works their ass off, they sweat and pull their hair out working at these things. You're no diffrent, if your not going to put in the time effort or thought then don't bother writing.

You sound like those little kids who say "I just can't do it" and think the adult world will 1.) believe you and 2.) never ask you to do it again and (in this case) let your crap writing go unchastised and therefore praised.

Work at it or quit.

Black_Jack_Davey · 01-09-2006, 10:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by madeinNY

Sometimes cliché is the truth

I can’t help but rhyme a bit
It just flows naturally
I don’t care what you say
Be like shooter mcgavin
Go chew on some hay, down by the bay…you just may

You have to admit
This poem is cute
It’s making you smile
I’m not all that vile

Big3 hates this rhyming
It’s not clever enough
He says
What if I’m not trying to be clever?
Just simply stating fact with rhyme?
After all that’s what Eminem does.

Couple things.

1) There is a reason Eminem is the ONLY successful white rapper. It's because white boys can't rap.

2) If I wrote a song, and wrote the lyrics "You have to admit, you like my song, you want to dance and sing along" it just gives people more reason to hate your song. It's like you're ASKING your reader to enjoy. Please like my poem! It doesn't come off well.

3) " I can’t help but rhyme a bit
It just flows naturally
I don’t care what you say
Be like shooter mcgavin"

You said your rhyme flows naturally, but that is the most awkward rhyme I've ever heard. And sorry, but making "Happy Gilmore" references reminds us of the days when Adam Sandler used to be funny, and then we remember now how he sucks. Kinda like this poem.

4) There's no feeling of beginning and end, and the poem doesn't gel properly at all. It's as if you wrote a bunch of different rhymes and combined them together for one song. If you're going to be a storyteller, tell your story, don't put random thoughts together in inappropriate places. I think if you took some creative writing classes you'd be better off.

madeinNY · 01-10-2006, 02:31 PM

Haha no one got this poem or had any idea what I was trying to say. But thank you all for your critism.

Adam Sandler is still funny!! Spanglish was not meant to be a comedy...

big3, I will never quit...I do work hard. Maybe it just doesn't show.

Stop acting? Pfft. I'm not acting.

Crazy Luv · 01-10-2006, 07:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Black_Jack_Davey

Couple things.

1) There is a reason Eminem is the ONLY successful white rapper. It's because white boys can't rap.

2) If I wrote a song, and wrote the lyrics "You have to admit, you like my song, you want to dance and sing along" it just gives people more reason to hate your song. It's like you're ASKING your reader to enjoy. Please like my poem! It doesn't come off well.

3) " I can’t help but rhyme a bit
It just flows naturally
I don’t care what you say
Be like shooter mcgavin"

You said your rhyme flows naturally, but that is the most awkward rhyme I've ever heard. And sorry, but making "Happy Gilmore" references reminds us of the days when Adam Sandler used to be funny, and then we remember now how he sucks. Kinda like this poem.

4) There's no feeling of beginning and end, and the poem doesn't gel properly at all. It's as if you wrote a bunch of different rhymes and combined them together for one song. If you're going to be a storyteller, tell your story, don't put random thoughts together in inappropriate places. I think if you took some creative writing classes you'd be better off.

jibber · 01-10-2006, 07:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by madeinNY

Haha no one got this poem or had any idea what I was trying to say. But thank you all for your critism.

Adam Sandler is still funny!! Spanglish was not meant to be a comedy...

big3, I will never quit...I do work hard. Maybe it just doesn't show.

Stop acting? Pfft. I'm not acting.

you really need to stop saying that we don't get your songs. A chimp would be able to understand what you're trying to get across because they're that simple and one-dimensional. There's absolutely nothing to "get" in this song. It's you whining about how we all say you're too young to write about serious life topics of which you know nothing about. that's all there is to it. And crazy-luv, why shake your finger at him? he gave her an honest opinoin of her song. if she wanted a sugar-coated reply telling her how brilliant she is, she should have shown it to her mommy, not posted it here.

01-09-2006, 08:26 PM	#1 (permalink)
madeinNY [[la de da diddy da]] Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: NY...duh. Posts: 444	"Just"-A poem Sometimes cliché is the truth All I want to say is cliché It’s what has happen to me What happens to me Apparently Happens to everyone else And that makes what I have to say Just a bit cliché All that matters is that I understand Say anything It means nothing. I can always shut off the lights and hold my head And sleep And it’ll go away But it won’t stay away I can’t help but rhyme a bit It just flows naturally I don’t care what you say Be like shooter mcgavin Go chew on some hay, down by the bay…you just may Afraid is not my problem I can stand up for myself Everyone is unique Not all kids the same Not everyone plays candy land Or other childhood games You say don’t worry about such things You’ve got plenty of time to grow up and worry Don’t be in such a gosh darn hurry! You have to admit This poem is cute It’s making you smile I’m not all that vile Big3 hates this rhyming It’s not clever enough He says What if I’m not trying to be clever? Just simply stating fact with rhyme? After all that’s what Eminem does. I don’t write to be clever I write to state and express I’m not trying to get quoted I’m trying to make you see See the other sides to me. __________________ I cleared out my PM box...I promise. lol

01-09-2006, 08:29 PM	#3 (permalink)
BlatzKriegBop Im a lesbian Join Date: May 2005 Posts: 50	Question, if all that matter is you understand, why both posting it at all? Oh, also are you asking to be flamed? The poem isn't very good either. __________________ IamAlejo is better than I will ever be.

01-09-2006, 08:40 PM	#4 (permalink)
madeinNY [[la de da diddy da]] Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: NY...duh. Posts: 444	Bungallow, why ask the obvious? Other person who has 54 posts...because Im interested on what people have to say. __________________ I cleared out my PM box...I promise. lol

01-09-2006, 09:05 PM	#6 (permalink)
TheBig3 killedmyraindog Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Boston, Massachusetts Posts: 11,172	I like the name drop. Its not rhyming that bothers my directly, but rhyming makes people who rhyme monosylabic words think their clever, rhyming makes people contort senteces to absurdity just to get a rhyme. Rhyming kills imagry. Let me tell you right now, cliche's do not happen to people they happen to characters people want to be. Quit ****ing acting, they do not happen. You said that because you're a lazy writer. news flash to aspiring writers: good writing doens't flow from your fingers like water, every writer works their ass off, they sweat and pull their hair out working at these things. You're no diffrent, if your not going to put in the time effort or thought then don't bother writing. You sound like those little kids who say "I just can't do it" and think the adult world will 1.) believe you and 2.) never ask you to do it again and (in this case) let your crap writing go unchastised and therefore praised. Work at it or quit. __________________ I've moved to a new address

01-10-2006, 02:31 PM	#8 (permalink)
madeinNY [[la de da diddy da]] Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: NY...duh. Posts: 444	Haha no one got this poem or had any idea what I was trying to say. But thank you all for your critism. Adam Sandler is still funny!! Spanglish was not meant to be a comedy... big3, I will never quit...I do work hard. Maybe it just doesn't show. Stop acting? Pfft. I'm not acting. __________________ I cleared out my PM box...I promise. lol

01-09-2006, 08:28 PM	#2 (permalink)
~~bungalow~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Hot-lanta Posts: 3,140	Hmm, I have a question What gave you the inspiration to write this....