Givin' It A Try

~~bungalow~~ · 01-09-2006, 05:55 PM

Haha.
I dont have anything to let go.
I really could care less.

EDIT: He is allowed to not like it.
He just makes himself look like an idiot when he doesnt give any helpful critism.
And, when, without knowing me he hates me.
Oh well, not everyone can love me.....

sleepy jack · 01-09-2006, 06:00 PM

I SAID TIME OUT!
K, the subject drops here and now.
=)
thank you.

~~bungalow~~ · 01-09-2006, 06:02 PM

Yo man.
I think you're the one who needs to chill

creepinson · 01-09-2006, 06:04 PM

aha dont worry man, just playing around... time for a crit

i liked actually enjoyed this song alot more than most of the things ive read so far on this site. I love the way you mixed up the rhyme scheme in the first stanza, something that i see happening no where near often enough in this forum, and ones like it. Unfortunately, the scheme seems to get a bit stale, as your reuse the same sound (oo's) over and over again in your song. Just then, you really mix it up agian in the final stanza, which i thought of as very impressive. Your main problem in this stanza was the repetition of the whole again idea. I like the closing line alot more than the earlier one, and so im sure you will be able to figure out something alot better...

for a title, im thinking cold rain in the morning, or something like that, i dunno just a thought

keep workin on it... nice song

01-09-2006, 05:55 PM	#11 (permalink)
~~bungalow~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Hot-lanta Posts: 3,140	Haha. I dont have anything to let go. I really could care less. EDIT: He is allowed to not like it. He just makes himself look like an idiot when he doesnt give any helpful critism. And, when, without knowing me he hates me. Oh well, not everyone can love me.....

01-09-2006, 06:02 PM	#13 (permalink)
~~bungalow~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Hot-lanta Posts: 3,140	Yo man. I think you're the one who needs to chill

01-09-2006, 06:04 PM	#14 (permalink)
creepinson you are freakin out, man Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: ajax, ontario Posts: 129	aha dont worry man, just playing around... time for a crit i liked actually enjoyed this song alot more than most of the things ive read so far on this site. I love the way you mixed up the rhyme scheme in the first stanza, something that i see happening no where near often enough in this forum, and ones like it. Unfortunately, the scheme seems to get a bit stale, as your reuse the same sound (oo's) over and over again in your song. Just then, you really mix it up agian in the final stanza, which i thought of as very impressive. Your main problem in this stanza was the repetition of the whole again idea. I like the closing line alot more than the earlier one, and so im sure you will be able to figure out something alot better... for a title, im thinking cold rain in the morning, or something like that, i dunno just a thought keep workin on it... nice song