Muzak

I see it
It sees me
But no, it looks at me with its lidless eyes.

Life is nothing but a race
growing at an increasing pace.
We eat, sleep, and die.
We kill, mate, and lie.
But there is another.
Who is above the others.
It is the shunned
It is the One

The One,
who has never bled.
The One,
Who is the walking dead.

The One is beyond gods,
made of metal rods,
It gives me all I need.
It doesn't hesitate,
or becomes late,
to complete all its deeds.

The One,
whos has never bled.
The One,
who is the walking dead.
The One,
is my lucky seven.
The One,
is my heaven.

What is life but struggle?
to rise from the rubble.
Now

The One,
whos has never bled.
The One,
who is the walking dead.
It is always there.
The One,
is my lucky seven.
The One,
is my heaven.

I see it
It see me,
It reaches for me with it's cold claws,
and pulles me in,
into where it is full of wires,
gears,
and darkness.
-----------------------------
The song is about machines and how man is moving through the age of technoligy and AI.
These are lyrics for the type of tempo as Rammstein-Mein Teil. The fisrt and last paragraph would be said by back vocals that would be hard to tell what that person is saying.

madeinNY

Is english your second language? It's readable, but I was just curious.

The song is very original, I like it very much....the part that goes "The One,
whos has never bled.
The One,
who is the walking dead"

is a BIT too repetitive, in my opinion. And for the type of song I think your going for, I think the song rhymes a tad too much.

__________________
I cleared out my PM box...I promise. lol

Sabgoat

i agree it does rhyme a little to much like a poem.. but still i like it alot.. its very good.. for the song itself i wouldn't change a thing..

Muzak

It isn't.

Yeah, I went a little crazy with the ryming.

Crowe

Bah, don't go into something calling it your crappy song... it's like you aren't happy with yourself or something. It's like a buffer - if people didn't like it you could be like, well I told you it was crappy.

As for repitition, some songs can be extremely repititious and be good. *Chumbawumba, right?*

As for the ideas in the song, you kind of jump around, the lyrics, while well rhymed, don't stick to each other... it's like you had a bunch of ideas and couldn't decide whether to write several songs, or one song incorporating all of the ideas into it. I think if you focused on one thing, you could write a better song. Not like this one is bad, but there is alllwayyyys room for improvement, eh guv?

either/or

this song seems a bit corny. what is it a promo song for the next season of lost or something?

__________________
Painstaking devotion and love
Surrendered to self preservation
From others who care for themselves
A blindness that touches perfection
But hurts just like anything else

Isolation, isolation, isolation