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01-06-2006, 02:44 PM | #1 (permalink) |
Groupie
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 32
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This may sound whinny but.....
Well here's a song i wrote about someone to make fun of them...it's highly sterotypical and meant to be....so here it is
Emo Queen Saddest thing that we've ever seen That poor little emo queen Crying tears of broken sorrow Not wanting to see tomorrow Seeing rivers of flowing red Thoughts of pain all through her head Swept hair of black To one side so she can't look back Chorus Emo Queen You rule your world Like a bee Over a hoard Cutting wrists Ending life Making fists Creating striffe Creepy scars all up your arms Make us forget with all your charms Stealing razors to let you cut It must take a lot of gut Your heart of pain Makes you insane Chorus Violins play all around But you can not make a sound It is over and you are glad You were tired of all you had Chorus x 2 So there it is...what do u think?
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01-06-2006, 03:05 PM | #2 (permalink) |
[[la de da diddy da]]
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: NY...duh.
Posts: 444
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haha its good, funny.
but Chorus Emo Queen You rule your world Like a bee Over a hoard Cutting wrists Ending life Making fists Creating striffe "ending life" doesn't seem to flow there. --- why does everyone make fun of emo kids??
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01-06-2006, 03:09 PM | #3 (permalink) |
Groupie
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 32
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i only make fun of them because it's easy and that little girl thought she ruled everything when everyone hated her and made fun of her...it may not have enough syllables there but it was a necessary part of the chorus...
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"I am not bound to please thee with my anaswer"~Shakespeare |
01-06-2006, 03:25 PM | #5 (permalink) | |
The Randomness
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: romania.. shut up
Posts: 854
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Quote:
"creating striffe" should be replaced you should change "creppy" with "pretty" cause it's like cooler and "makes" with "drives" and the violins part should go..... away
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01-06-2006, 03:51 PM | #6 (permalink) |
Whitewater!
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 2,885
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Crikey it's like a sad Nursery rhyme haha.
I think it's good. But I don't know about "Over a hoard" and then "Cutting wrists"... It seems to miss a chunk of something. Like a piece of the puzzle. And I agree with blacktshirt about the violens bit, it doesn't sit that nicely. But other then that I thought it was pretty clever.
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01-06-2006, 03:53 PM | #7 (permalink) |
Groupie
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 32
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i really only put the violins part in so that it had more words before it cut to the end...perhaps if a few more lines were added...and it was a homage for when you're whinny for no reason and no one cares they play the smallest violin with their fingers...that sort of thing.
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"I am not bound to please thee with my anaswer"~Shakespeare |
01-06-2006, 03:57 PM | #8 (permalink) |
Whitewater!
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 2,885
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Ohhh I use that play on words to take the piss all the time. If someones having a piss and a moan I'll just rub my finger and thumb together and ask them if they can hear the violen playing for them
If you were to take the violins part out, maybe take one of the choruses at the finish as well? To even things up?
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She thinks I'm a reclusive genius, she's going to be very disappointed when she finds out i'm a reclusive wanker |
01-06-2006, 03:59 PM | #9 (permalink) |
Groupie
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 32
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good idea
here's another one not as good though Fame Things have changed They're just not the same Everything's strange Distorted by fame Tears falling Love's ending Can't hold on any longer Try to grow stronger Grasp for it Try to contain It's just one big fit Inside your brain To the world you're happy Inside you're sappy Tired of making everything seem okay Of smiling come what may You're so high up You fall You're sipping a cup Where you were you can't recall Lost it all Once again so small Things shift once more All is the same Once again a bore Everything so tame It was a dream Things are excatly as they seem The room transforms Now you're in a dorm Your life progresses Absent of one thing We digress It was just a fling Eyes flutter You hear someone mutter They're there Taking care It was a vision Induced by drugs Now make a decision Forget the hugs Lose it forever You think you're clever Some things aren't just rivers Things in denial Gives me the shivers Why are we blue? Sniffing too much glue You really awaken Visibly shaken Blissful and new Without a clue guess it could also be said it's not a song but that's not the point.
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