Stuff That Isn't Light

TheBig3 · 01-02-2006, 10:52 PM

Look I don't want to be a **** here, but if you are so easily disuaded to work on this by one approving comment, then don't write anything ever again.

And to either/or, if you were comparing that original peice (i have yet to read the revision) to something like Nabakov's "Invitation to a Beheading" or Momento, or Sideways, in which we get an overwheling amount of information and an accute minority of information left out, then you aren't helping her.

The fact is you need alot of information to know what information you aren't getting. In this original version, we could assume so much about what might or might not be going on that no ones going to bother.

Readers like Wiggle room, we like interpertation, but if you think that much wiggle room is good, just hand them a book with blank pages.

madeinNY · 01-03-2006, 07:06 AM

I am going to continue working on this one, Big3. I never said I was going to stop.

Now, kindly please read the revised one and give me feedback.

TheBig3 · 01-03-2006, 09:38 PM

Kingdom of mirriors was an improvement (the actual line I mean) but theres alot here that I would improve still. I was thinking, it might help if you changed the narration. 2nd person isn't the best for what you're doing here. What about 3rd person omnicent?

It still feels like a guessing game. Tell me exactly what you're after here, it will help us all give you better information. If that was confusing what im looking for is a responce that ebgins like

"What I was going for here was..."

madeinNY · 01-04-2006, 08:52 AM

Well, what I'm going for here is....this person thinks that going to hell isn't so bad because no one judges you there, because they've all done horrible things as well...do you get it?

01-02-2006, 10:52 PM	#21 (permalink)
TheBig3 killedmyraindog Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Boston, Massachusetts Posts: 11,172	Look I don't want to be a **** here, but if you are so easily disuaded to work on this by one approving comment, then don't write anything ever again. And to either/or, if you were comparing that original peice (i have yet to read the revision) to something like Nabakov's "Invitation to a Beheading" or Momento, or Sideways, in which we get an overwheling amount of information and an accute minority of information left out, then you aren't helping her. The fact is you need alot of information to know what information you aren't getting. In this original version, we could assume so much about what might or might not be going on that no ones going to bother. Readers like Wiggle room, we like interpertation, but if you think that much wiggle room is good, just hand them a book with blank pages. __________________ I've moved to a new address

01-03-2006, 07:06 AM	#22 (permalink)
madeinNY [[la de da diddy da]] Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: NY...duh. Posts: 444	I am going to continue working on this one, Big3. I never said I was going to stop. Now, kindly please read the revised one and give me feedback. __________________ I cleared out my PM box...I promise. lol

01-03-2006, 09:38 PM	#23 (permalink)
TheBig3 killedmyraindog Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Boston, Massachusetts Posts: 11,172	Kingdom of mirriors was an improvement (the actual line I mean) but theres alot here that I would improve still. I was thinking, it might help if you changed the narration. 2nd person isn't the best for what you're doing here. What about 3rd person omnicent? It still feels like a guessing game. Tell me exactly what you're after here, it will help us all give you better information. If that was confusing what im looking for is a responce that ebgins like "What I was going for here was..." __________________ I've moved to a new address

01-04-2006, 08:52 AM	#24 (permalink)
madeinNY [[la de da diddy da]] Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: NY...duh. Posts: 444	Well, what I'm going for here is....this person thinks that going to hell isn't so bad because no one judges you there, because they've all done horrible things as well...do you get it? __________________ I cleared out my PM box...I promise. lol