Crowe's Songwriting Collection

TrampInaTux · 01-28-2006, 02:20 AM

Please don't kill me, but I don't really like that verse. It is the weakest one out of the lot IMO. I know I'm just being awkward, but my reaction would be to change it.

jibber · 01-28-2006, 02:23 AM

^ I actually agree with that statement. The rest of the song flowed greatly, and though it told a story it still did so in a way that didn't seem awkward with the phrasing. The new verse, well, the phrasing just seemed a bit awkward. It was really well written, but just broken up into phrases in a way that almost made it seem as it it was simply a great part of a story that was broken up and turned into a song.

TrampInaTux · 01-28-2006, 02:25 AM

I think that while the rest of the song had real emotion to it, that verse never. I was hoping that in that verse you would be able to connect with Lyndsay's pain, but unfortunately that never happened.

Crowe · 01-28-2006, 02:32 PM

Hard to get back into the mood when you wrote it awhile ago. Probably my fault for just sitting down and banging a verse out. I still rather like it without the verse. But, aye, I think I'm laying this one to rest at the moment.

Crashing Sun · 02-07-2006, 04:24 PM

The things you find when you dig around... like these lyrics in a cryogenic freezer...

This is a story-song that has a cinematic feel to it, something Hollywood might pay to produce a script about, or have already in one shape or another.

Quote:

But I like the pitter patter of my heartbeat,
On the tin rooftop of my chest,
I like the blood rushin' like cheetah cubs,
through my silly little veins.
I missed the air, sweet like the lips of my baby.

The chorus doesn't seem to have anything to do with the main theme, but rather the secondary theme which is that he wants his "baby" to be free as well. Most of the lines are more emotion though and could probably fit any love song, so there's no real connection there which is something I like to find.

Also, is he wearing his heart on his chest or should it be: "beneath the tin rooftop of my chest"? Perhaps this is suposed to describe more than I can clearly see, like some half-man half-machine concept.

Quote:

we'll lose both today.
So my baby is free

At the end I'm not sure if his "baby" dies or not but that's sort of the vibe I'm getting. Overall this song might raise more questions than it answers but I thought it was a good try for something that was more inspiration than real work.

I expect to hear this worked on and set to music before the week is out.

Crowe · 02-09-2006, 04:07 AM

oh man. thanks i thought noone even looked at this piece, its not one of my better ones to be sure. thanks a lot though, yeah i'll look at it... although on my list of songs to be put to music... this is ranking near the bottom. I'm looking to get the Story of Lindsay, Emergency Doctor and I Wonder to music first... ( all on here if you wanted to look )

Crowe · 03-20-2006, 05:23 PM

Haven't written on MB in awhile. Hope you enjoy one of my latest...

Examining Love in the Case of Darling Mary

Darling Mary, malicious and malignant,
Your crimes against man you see,
are stains on the face of humanity.
And today, through the loss of your integrity
Shall you be purified, righted for wrongs,
And before long shall the trial begin.
Will the defendant please take the stand.
Be courteous and follow this command...
Prosecutor, your questions if you please.
"Thank you, I'll deal with this disease."

Darling Mary, first I address the deciet of your name!
You are not Darling, nor merry - on the contrary...
They find you in shadows with daggers for fingers,
and wherever you walk the stench of a whore lingers.
But I digress, you are innocent until proven guilty.
Darling Mary, where were you on the night of May sixth?
Don't even answer, I know you'll plead the Fifth.
Were you not spread eagle on the floor of a Comfort Inn?
Being taken by a drunk, the image is not comforting...
Keep your mouth shut, your lies poison the very air we breathe..
I'm done here, my stomach churns with her in sight...

Will the Defense please rise. Look into your client's eyes,
Attempt to salvage her mistakes and crimes,
Try to save her from her untimely lies.
After much deliberation, your Honor, we have come to a conclusion...
We cannot save this girl, our case is non existent-
She is in fact a whore in every manner of representation..
We apologize for the waste of time, we loathe her...
In your sentencing, please take this into consideration...
She is a plague - a dysfunctional amalgamation.

"I think I've heard enough" cried the white wigged Judge-
The sentencing won't be tough, and I'm glad to see her go...
I'll do this with a pleasure that she will never know...
Darling Mary, you filthy pile of smeared lipstick and rouge...
You have been found guilty in the Court of the Heart!
Crimes of cutting and burning the whole of this tender body part...
Cannot go unpunished, this breach is unacceptable...
Your sentence is as follows, this may be hard to swallow...
Live with this shame in the eyes of your peers,
Let these deliberations haunt you for the rest of your years,
Maybe someone low will care to take pity,
Perhaps in a different town or a different city.
But hear this, for now and forever more....

Darling Mary, you are a whore.

sleepy jack · 03-20-2006, 05:26 PM

Its very nicely written, and it flows well.

Crazy Luv · 03-20-2006, 06:24 PM

Crowe, you know thats good! Damn, darling mary reminds me of two of my friends. well one friend & one ex-friend. your flow is like no other, keep it up my nigga(even though you may not be a nigga *lol*)

Jadix · 03-21-2006, 02:00 AM

ya its great. the only few lines i dont like are

Your crimes against man you see,
are stains on the face of humanity.
And today, through the loss of your integrity

the rhyming just seems forced.

01-28-2006, 02:23 AM	#62 (permalink)
jibber Freeskier Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Istanbul was Constantinople now it's Istanbul not Constantinople... Posts: 1,536	^ I actually agree with that statement. The rest of the song flowed greatly, and though it told a story it still did so in a way that didn't seem awkward with the phrasing. The new verse, well, the phrasing just seemed a bit awkward. It was really well written, but just broken up into phrases in a way that almost made it seem as it it was simply a great part of a story that was broken up and turned into a song. __________________ What you've done becomes the judge of what you're going to do -- especially in other people's minds. When you're traveling, you are what you are right there and then. People don't have your past to hold against you. No yesterdays on the road. William Least Heat Moon, Blue Highways Your toughest competitor lives in your head. Some days his name is fear, or pain, or gravity. Stomp his ass. HOOKED ON THE WHITE POWDER

01-28-2006, 02:32 PM	#64 (permalink)
Crowe Music Addict Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 699	Hard to get back into the mood when you wrote it awhile ago. Probably my fault for just sitting down and banging a verse out. I still rather like it without the verse. But, aye, I think I'm laying this one to rest at the moment. __________________

02-09-2006, 04:07 AM	#66 (permalink)
Crowe Music Addict Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 699	oh man. thanks i thought noone even looked at this piece, its not one of my better ones to be sure. thanks a lot though, yeah i'll look at it... although on my list of songs to be put to music... this is ranking near the bottom. I'm looking to get the Story of Lindsay, Emergency Doctor and I Wonder to music first... ( all on here if you wanted to look ) __________________

03-20-2006, 05:23 PM	#67 (permalink)
Crowe Music Addict Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 699	Examining Love in the Case of Darling Mary Haven't written on MB in awhile. Hope you enjoy one of my latest... Examining Love in the Case of Darling Mary Darling Mary, malicious and malignant, Your crimes against man you see, are stains on the face of humanity. And today, through the loss of your integrity Shall you be purified, righted for wrongs, And before long shall the trial begin. Will the defendant please take the stand. Be courteous and follow this command... Prosecutor, your questions if you please. "Thank you, I'll deal with this disease." Darling Mary, first I address the deciet of your name! You are not Darling, nor merry - on the contrary... They find you in shadows with daggers for fingers, and wherever you walk the stench of a whore lingers. But I digress, you are innocent until proven guilty. Darling Mary, where were you on the night of May sixth? Don't even answer, I know you'll plead the Fifth. Were you not spread eagle on the floor of a Comfort Inn? Being taken by a drunk, the image is not comforting... Keep your mouth shut, your lies poison the very air we breathe.. I'm done here, my stomach churns with her in sight... Will the Defense please rise. Look into your client's eyes, Attempt to salvage her mistakes and crimes, Try to save her from her untimely lies. After much deliberation, your Honor, we have come to a conclusion... We cannot save this girl, our case is non existent- She is in fact a whore in every manner of representation.. We apologize for the waste of time, we loathe her... In your sentencing, please take this into consideration... She is a plague - a dysfunctional amalgamation. "I think I've heard enough" cried the white wigged Judge- The sentencing won't be tough, and I'm glad to see her go... I'll do this with a pleasure that she will never know... Darling Mary, you filthy pile of smeared lipstick and rouge... You have been found guilty in the Court of the Heart! Crimes of cutting and burning the whole of this tender body part... Cannot go unpunished, this breach is unacceptable... Your sentence is as follows, this may be hard to swallow... Live with this shame in the eyes of your peers, Let these deliberations haunt you for the rest of your years, Maybe someone low will care to take pity, Perhaps in a different town or a different city. But hear this, for now and forever more.... Darling Mary, you are a whore. __________________

01-28-2006, 02:20 AM	#61 (permalink)
TrampInaTux that's my war face. Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 1,418	Please don't kill me, but I don't really like that verse. It is the weakest one out of the lot IMO. I know I'm just being awkward, but my reaction would be to change it.

01-28-2006, 02:25 AM	#63 (permalink)
TrampInaTux that's my war face. Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 1,418	I think that while the rest of the song had real emotion to it, that verse never. I was hoping that in that verse you would be able to connect with Lyndsay's pain, but unfortunately that never happened.

03-20-2006, 06:24 PM	#69 (permalink)
Crazy Luv a l'amou fou pou tout Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: NY Posts: 355	Crowe, you know thats good! Damn, darling mary reminds me of two of my friends. well one friend & one ex-friend. your flow is like no other, keep it up my nigga(even though you may not be a nigga lol)

03-21-2006, 02:00 AM	#70 (permalink)
Jadix infamous nimbus Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 140	ya its great. the only few lines i dont like are Your crimes against man you see, are stains on the face of humanity. And today, through the loss of your integrity the rhyming just seems forced.