Crowe's Songwriting Collection

Trauma · 02-10-2007, 02:37 PM

Very interesting subject matter.
Again, I still don't think you need to use commas in those long stanzas.
This would make a good song.

I liked it a lot.

Crowe · 02-10-2007, 03:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Snickers

Very interesting subject matter.
Again, I still don't think you need to use commas in those long stanzas.
This would make a good song.

I liked it a lot.

Ah yeah commas are kind of axiomatic for me

Crowe · 02-10-2007, 03:10 PM

I've noticed that people don't like my simple songs as much as my grandiose ones... I've been told that the simple songs and the non-simple songs sound like they are written by two completely different people. When I actually put music to the songs though, more often than not - my simple songs come out much better than the wordy ones... although one could say - well that's the music not the writing - which may be true. I try to write things simpler, because if I'm left to my own devices you get 2-3 page poems like "I Wonder" or "The Warmth in Those Dying Years". I also think this is funny, because I like this song/poem more than a lot of the things I've written - but I guess when I write it, I'm singing it and whatnot, and you guys can't hear that. The same thing happened with "Sooner or Later" - people were meh on it, but I love it.

sleepy jack · 02-10-2007, 04:26 PM

I actually like it better then some of your lengthy poems, it has this vibe to it that kind of reminds me of elliott smith in parts.

Sneer · 02-10-2007, 08:40 PM

i like poets that dont over elaborate and i think you've shown a really good level of discipline with this piece. its not perfect but i like it alot.

Trauma · 02-10-2007, 11:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Crowquill

reminds me of elliott smith in parts.

Yeah definitely, this would be a much better song than just a written poem, it was far too simple to be a thought-provoking poem like your more lengthy ones.

Crowe · 02-11-2007, 11:53 PM

Inspired by me actually seeing this happen in the early mornings of Chicago winters... enjoy.

Collecting the Dead

I see things that you pay not to see,
I am walking through the frostbitten city,
Early in the steel light of an urban morning.
My life is not so extraordinary yet,
I have to be the man that no man should be.
For I am the collector of the dead.
They are frozen in positions of cold memory,
The homeless population of the City of Wind.
When I see them, tears are frozen to their cheeks,
Their last words are unbearable to speak,
Coughing in pain before their last sleep.

I see things that you pay not to see,
I am crying in the frostbitten city,
Early in the steel light of an urban morning.
Their blue colored features are always the same,
Eyes open in terror, people without a name.
With their hands in the shape of a claw,
They scratch at their faces when they are numb.
Their lips are cracked showing crimson lines,
From them screaming into the unforgiving air.
When I see them, they are frozen to the street,
Their last words are unbearable to speak,
Gasping for breath, before their last sleep.

And so the story goes year after year,
Maybe next time, someone like me will find me here.
Looking up at him through ice eyes frozen in fear.
He'll shake me until he's sure that I'm gone,
But the job will get to him, it won't take long.
And so the story goes year after year,
Millions of people are dying out here,
So when you look out of your window and,
You see me shaking in the wind,
Read my lips and remember when,
My last words are unbearable to speak,
Finally finding warmth in my last sleep.

R. Crowe

sleepy jack · 02-11-2007, 11:54 PM

Jeeez =( sad

ZeppelinAir · 02-11-2007, 11:59 PM

deep...........at least to me anyway

Strummer521 · 02-12-2007, 12:11 AM

The way the lines and stanzas are structured is aesthetically pleasing. You might try using some figurative language.

02-10-2007, 02:37 PM	#281 (permalink)
Trauma snickers Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: detroit Posts: 2,194	Very interesting subject matter. Again, I still don't think you need to use commas in those long stanzas. This would make a good song. I liked it a lot. __________________ A mi no me importa nada Para mi la vida es un sueño

02-10-2007, 03:10 PM	#283 (permalink)
Crowe Music Addict Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 699	I've noticed that people don't like my simple songs as much as my grandiose ones... I've been told that the simple songs and the non-simple songs sound like they are written by two completely different people. When I actually put music to the songs though, more often than not - my simple songs come out much better than the wordy ones... although one could say - well that's the music not the writing - which may be true. I try to write things simpler, because if I'm left to my own devices you get 2-3 page poems like "I Wonder" or "The Warmth in Those Dying Years". I also think this is funny, because I like this song/poem more than a lot of the things I've written - but I guess when I write it, I'm singing it and whatnot, and you guys can't hear that. The same thing happened with "Sooner or Later" - people were meh on it, but I love it. __________________

02-10-2007, 08:40 PM	#285 (permalink)
Sneer Let it drip Join Date: Nov 2004 Posts: 5,430	i like poets that dont over elaborate and i think you've shown a really good level of discipline with this piece. its not perfect but i like it alot. __________________ LastFM Sneer's Emporium of Sound Fright Team radio show

02-11-2007, 11:53 PM	#287 (permalink)
Crowe Music Addict Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 699	Collecting the Dead Inspired by me actually seeing this happen in the early mornings of Chicago winters... enjoy. Collecting the Dead I see things that you pay not to see, I am walking through the frostbitten city, Early in the steel light of an urban morning. My life is not so extraordinary yet, I have to be the man that no man should be. For I am the collector of the dead. They are frozen in positions of cold memory, The homeless population of the City of Wind. When I see them, tears are frozen to their cheeks, Their last words are unbearable to speak, Coughing in pain before their last sleep. I see things that you pay not to see, I am crying in the frostbitten city, Early in the steel light of an urban morning. Their blue colored features are always the same, Eyes open in terror, people without a name. With their hands in the shape of a claw, They scratch at their faces when they are numb. Their lips are cracked showing crimson lines, From them screaming into the unforgiving air. When I see them, they are frozen to the street, Their last words are unbearable to speak, Gasping for breath, before their last sleep. And so the story goes year after year, Maybe next time, someone like me will find me here. Looking up at him through ice eyes frozen in fear. He'll shake me until he's sure that I'm gone, But the job will get to him, it won't take long. And so the story goes year after year, Millions of people are dying out here, So when you look out of your window and, You see me shaking in the wind, Read my lips and remember when, My last words are unbearable to speak, Finally finding warmth in my last sleep. R. Crowe __________________

02-11-2007, 11:59 PM	#289 (permalink)
ZeppelinAir Long time no see Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: somewhere in Michigan Posts: 512	deep...........at least to me anyway __________________ not that old signature

02-12-2007, 12:11 AM	#290 (permalink)
Strummer521 Pepper Emergency! Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 493	The way the lines and stanzas are structured is aesthetically pleasing. You might try using some figurative language. __________________ "Caffeine is so ridiculous right now." RZA