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05-30-2006, 05:56 PM | #92 (permalink) |
you are freakin out, man
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: ajax, ontario
Posts: 129
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lyrically its good, but im not sure of the feel, in the chorus in particular... it seems a bit... hmmmmm i guess the closest i can get to what im thinking is twangy. It just seems like your sacrificing a bit of lyrical edge for catchiness andsomething which i would never expect from master crowe...EASY RHYMING?!?!
whatever... i think the verses are rediculously good, but i would have to hear the chorus to really understand what your plans were for it oh and if you got around to criting those atrium songs i would be really appreciative |
06-10-2006, 01:52 PM | #94 (permalink) |
Groupie
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5
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I am of two minds, i found the first verse goes off on a 'rhythm'that has a different feel than the rest of the song, in turn that for me is slightly confusing as the whole 'flow' of the song changes too much the verses are very long and the chorus very small again this could become 'drawn out' for the listener.
My other 'personality' sees it as a very moving and for most part extreemly well written, and and as odd as it is i could feel the song dripping with the intensity and emotion of the writer. It is amazing and the execution of the lines themselves are brilliant. |
06-10-2006, 06:28 PM | #95 (permalink) |
Music Addict
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 699
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Hey thanks I think I wrote this on here way back in January - interesting to see it come up again, and a pleasant surprise. Sometimes I forget somethings that I've written... glad half of you liked it - and I hope the other half of you can forgive my verbose verses.
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06-14-2006, 10:40 PM | #96 (permalink) |
Music Addict
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 699
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She Smiled for All of Us
She Smiled for All of Us
She was different than us, Little JoAnne can't hear you see? And when we grew up she wanted, to make friends like the rest of us, but she didn't hear the teases and, taunts not the things that were said, behind her back and she always laughed, when we were laughing she always, smiled when we were smiling and, She smiled for all of us. CHORUS And her hand shot out, She couldn't hear our cries! And I wake up in tears, Your scream still haunts me, Little JoAnne smiled for all of us. On the hill above the street, We played ball with our little hands, and feet and Little JoAnne sat, On the line with her little eyes, Darting from side to side and she, Clapped when we did something great, And even when we kicked the ball in the, Street Little JoAnne was the first to help. She smiled for all of us. CHORUS The ball rolled and rolled and, Little JoAnne giggled and followed. And as the ball reached the concrete, Far below on the busy street we screamed, "JoAnne no!" but as we know, She was different than us, Little JoAnne can't hear you see? And she chased that ball and she caught it, As she turned back to smile... She smiled for all of us. JOANNE - HER HAND SHOT OUT JOANNE - HER VOICE RANG OUT JOANNE - HER TIME WAS OUT JOANNE! JOANNE! JOANNE! Her grave is only 4 and half feet long, And as we stand not understanding, JoAnne's mom couldn't keep standing, Her father weeping and his tears were landing, On a casket 6 feet below oh no, oh no... And the preacher would go on to say, That if JoAnne were here today. She'd smile for all of us. |
06-19-2006, 06:44 PM | #99 (permalink) |
lickin honey from a thorn
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 62
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Damn shame right there, this is very sad, none the less, i like it. Makes the reader feel like they were within the song/poem, whatever, or among what was happening. I could picture the scenes and all that ****.
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My Real eyez see through your liez Be very carful not to make a woman cry because God counts her tears. The woman came out of a man's rib. Not from his feet to be walked on. Not from his head to be superior. But from the side to be equal. Under the arm to be protected and next to the heart to be loved. |
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