This poem (quote, songs, emo, suicide)

sleepy jack · 12-29-2005, 04:31 PM

Ok its a poem, and diffirent angle because its annoying seeing the same overdone suicide song, i know its a common reason for people to kill themselves but its better done from a diffirent angle, take billy talent's nothing to lose it doesn't go about slitting your wrists and stabbing yourself, and good charlotte made the abusive father thing laughable.

this_guy · 12-29-2005, 04:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Crazy Luv

its your poem, but to me...i disagree, what you're trying to give out is not obvious or showing through in the poem. The beinging was good, then it became random, then it was cut short in the ending. The point you're trying to make is hidden.

i agree with Alexisonfire

it doesn't show. That's new.

The first stanza is the character facing death he is confused and can't tell why this is happening (which most people feel before they kill themself)

the 2nd, 3rd and 4th stanza is showing the reasons for suicide. The person has been through a lot of torment and feels as though they are to blame.

the last stanza is the ironic truth he is killing himself. He did nothing wrong only recieved wrongs from others so kills himself in the end.

Crazy Luv · 12-29-2005, 04:34 PM

you have your own thoughts when making your own poem, but you have to think for the people who are going to read it. express it more

the way you're writing it doesnt express what your trying to say.

this_guy · 12-29-2005, 04:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alexisonfire

Ok its a poem, and diffirent angle because its annoying seeing the same overdone suicide song, i know its a common reason for people to kill themselves but its better done from a diffirent angle, take billy talent's nothing to lose it doesn't go about slitting your wrists and stabbing yourself, and good charlotte made the abusive father thing laughable.

so are you saying I should have thought of a more creative way for the guy to die. I was trying to show the usual teen going through this and this is how it usualy happens

this_guy · 12-29-2005, 04:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Crazy Luv

you can think about yourself for making your own poem, but you have to think for the people who are going to read it.

it sounded like you were bullying yourself...

Woh were did you get that from?

sleepy jack · 12-29-2005, 04:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by this_guy

so are you saying I should have thought of a more creative way for the guy to die. I was trying to show the usual teen going through this and this is how it usualy happens

Then just don't the usual teen thing is overdone and lame.
How about the kids is mentally unstable and thinks he can fly?
Something thats unique not the typical crap, but if your going to make bland poetry then fine by me.
Just say so.

Crazy Luv · 12-29-2005, 04:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by this_guy

Woh were did you get that from?

read what i put again, i edited it.

your poem sounds like a emo-poser. Work on the ending.

this_guy · 12-29-2005, 04:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alexisonfire

Then just don't the usual teen thing is overdone and lame.
How about the kids is mentally unstable and thinks he can fly?
Something thats unique not the typical crap, but if your going to make bland poetry then fine by me.
Just say so.

this thing is said a lot in songs I haven't seen it used in poems as much.

But a lot of poems people write they have gone through the experience I have went through this though not that. You may say that might be bland but then a lot of poems may be bland in the same sense

this_guy · 12-29-2005, 04:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Crazy Luv

read what i put again, i edited it.

your poem sounds like a emo-poser. Work on the ending.

Oh crap my poem has know been caught with a teen trend because of its theme.

sleepy jack · 12-29-2005, 04:45 PM

Not the theme, the way you wrote it as i said their are alot of songs/poems on suicide that aren't cliche.

12-29-2005, 04:34 PM	#13 (permalink)
Crazy Luv a l'amou fou pou tout Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: NY Posts: 355	you have your own thoughts when making your own poem, but you have to think for the people who are going to read it. express it more the way you're writing it doesnt express what your trying to say.