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12-14-2005, 04:13 PM | #1 (permalink) |
Groupie
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 4
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Earth To Dust
Hey guys, here's a song I wrote, please tell me what you think.
He opens his eyes to the same white walls The familiar silence that lines these halls Shrouded by shadow is the door to his life All he knows has been building his strife A day is nothing less to fear When the brave walk through this place To see a sky that is not clear Does not mean it won't waste Mountains from hills and earth to dust The living already have started to rust When longing eyes live out the same day Then this is no tour, no illness, no play A year is nothing less to fear When the brave walk through this place To see a sky that is not clear Does not mean it won't waste One day soon when these choices are real He'll fight the phantoms that make him kneel Climb that mountain that once was a hill To see over the top where nothing stays still A lifetime's nothing less to fear When the brave walk through this place To see a sky that is not clear Does not mean it won't waste |
12-14-2005, 11:57 PM | #2 (permalink) |
Thrice
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 62
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hey i like it, it good visuals. just remember you dont always have to rhyme in a song, i think some of your message got cut short by the by the rhyming, better words could have been used.
but not too bad none the less. reminds me of 'Thrice's' 'Of dust to nation's'. Read those, they are intense. |
12-16-2005, 01:52 AM | #3 (permalink) |
that's my war face.
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 1,418
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I am really liking this. I disagree witht eh above comments, I think that the rhyming didnt get in the way-I think it helped. It gave the song a good structure and I didnt see any place where the lyrics were affected. I think that if you can maintain this standard of writing then we could be seeing something really special in the near future.
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