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12-13-2005, 10:12 PM | #1 (permalink) |
Groupie
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 1
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comments on lyrics please
friday nights are cold:and im sick of it
teenage heartthrob whore:and im tired no one feels the way i do:cause were all normal thats not what she said. youd be better off dead in my book youd be better off dead in my book CHORUS: but red hair shines tonight in school halls running finding a place to hide and im just avoding your face in time, he'll pass by and by then youll be on to someone new not meaning to hurt but thats all that we've seen you do and hes just another knotch in your rhyme stone belt hes just another teenage heartache VERSE: and ill take in the way that you flirt everyday with the words that you say you were far to cute but crazy little girls only get so far youd be better off dead in my book youd be better off dead in my book CHORUS: guitar break: OUTRO": so why dont you do? go dig your own grave: dont think that i havnt noticed your mistakes so why cant you cry: ill make you wish that you stayed home that night in the back of the shcool: where you stood like a fool that you are i would never dare to dream back that far thats far. constructive critisism is welcome |
12-14-2005, 02:43 AM | #3 (permalink) |
Whitewater!
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 2,885
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Overall I don't particularly like it. I don't like the heartbreak songs so call me bias. But the opening verse is good except for the last line, I feel like I've heard that one a billion times.
youd be better off dead in my book - a no go. You could still say the same thing, but do it more creatively. That line as it is, is pretty cliche. I don't know the first thing about songwriting so I'm only saying what I feel right now. So keep on delving, you can only explore further.
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She thinks I'm a reclusive genius, she's going to be very disappointed when she finds out i'm a reclusive wanker |
12-14-2005, 03:02 PM | #4 (permalink) |
Music Addict
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: fitchburg MA
Posts: 93
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everybody that posts in song writting sucks i think the reason is becase uve havent heard it with instraments and the person sing it i think some of these might be good if we heard them not read them
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12-16-2005, 01:48 AM | #5 (permalink) | |
that's my war face.
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 1,418
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Quote:
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12-18-2005, 02:49 PM | #6 (permalink) |
Groupie
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 2
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Check out these lyrics and e-mail me matt_shattered_2006@yahoo.com
All these years I've spent in pain You will never feel All these scars I hide Never to reveal Even though you're here I am alone Look through my eyes Into my heart of stone Chorus Fading My light just isn't shining as bright Changing My life. Things aren't as right As if I had you right here with me Drowning Alone in all my memories Time stands still as the seasons change I feel the cold Being here alone Is growing so old So is the thought Of you here with me I scream out for you But it echoes back to me Chorus |
12-18-2005, 02:55 PM | #7 (permalink) |
Groupie
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 2
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don't talk as much about a certain day or time just make it all blend together over the whole ordeal. talk more about how you feel and don't mention death or anything just talk about how cold or alone or sad or happy or anything else you feel.
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12-20-2005, 03:03 AM | #8 (permalink) |
Don't think twice
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: A basement on the hill
Posts: 352
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yeah plug in baby a few of your lyrics do sound quite cliche. i think you could rethink some of these and make them a little less obvious. use less of the word heartache. matt i like your song except for the line about heart of stone. a heart of stone doesnt break so why are you singing about pain a girl has caused you? unless now you have a heart of stone after what she did to you.
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