My First Try At Being Clever! (lyrics, Nirvana, quote, song)

tambo · 11-30-2005, 02:35 AM

This song isn't finished yet-I didn't have time to finish it. But could you tell me if it is worth carrying on with?

Save the words til last/
I hate to think/
This wine washes down so nicely/
like your blood did down the sink

sounds are unwary/
silence is bliss/
Your acid tongue would spit venom/
I don't think you will be missed/

RealXenWarrior · 12-01-2005, 09:13 AM

scene.
bro... being clever is being innovative... i can't ever stress that enough...
make sure all your words are perfect... and make sure your point is clear... because you're running a thousand different directions with this.

Zezima · 12-01-2005, 09:18 AM

Yea, good word use but it jumps around to much. I'm pretty sure its about an X girlfrind or boyfriend, but its hard to tell. Last line needs to be changed. Its pretty lame...................

riseagainstrocks · 12-01-2005, 02:35 PM

how are sounds unwary?

you're using phrases that make no sense. at all.

A_Perfect_Sonnet · 12-01-2005, 02:56 PM

Better try again.

Zezima · 12-01-2005, 05:54 PM

good idea

tambo · 12-05-2005, 02:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zezima

Yea, good word use but it jumps around to much. I'm pretty sure its about an X girlfrind or boyfriend, but its hard to tell. Last line needs to be changed. Its pretty lame...................

this is only the first draft of this song so there should be no jumping around of lyrics in the final version seen as all my lyrics will eventually have a place to go. as for the ex girlfriend thing well I thought it was pretty obvious that this is pure and simply a good ol fashioned murder song. I had a post in another of my threads that said that my lyrics were a bit too straight forward. I try to make them like that though-look at Nirvana, their lyrics were pretty straight forward and they had some of the best lyrics ever.

holdfasthope · 12-05-2005, 03:51 PM

yeah i picked the murder thing, mainly because of the blood down this sink. I'm not to sure how you can misinterpret it to be about an X-girlfriend

Laces Out Dan! · 12-05-2005, 07:01 PM

My god that **** is....Well.....Lame...Thats all i can say..sounds like you're some messed up kid who was just dumped

TheBig3 · 12-05-2005, 10:53 PM

Im not going to comment on the song, but clever is usually niche and a passing humor, it dates a song, be clever all you want but it better have backup.

11-30-2005, 02:35 AM	#1 (permalink)
tambo Groupie Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 18	My First Try At Being Clever! This song isn't finished yet-I didn't have time to finish it. But could you tell me if it is worth carrying on with? Save the words til last/ I hate to think/ This wine washes down so nicely/ like your blood did down the sink sounds are unwary/ silence is bliss/ Your acid tongue would spit venom/ I don't think you will be missed/

12-01-2005, 09:13 AM	#2 (permalink)
RealXenWarrior Music Addict Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: C-Berry 407! Posts: 52	scene. bro... being clever is being innovative... i can't ever stress that enough... make sure all your words are perfect... and make sure your point is clear... because you're running a thousand different directions with this. __________________ Never shall innocent blood be shed. Yet the blood of the wicked shall flow like a river. The three shall spread their blackened wings and be the vengeful striking hammer of God. In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti.

12-01-2005, 02:35 PM	#4 (permalink)
riseagainstrocks Music Addict Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: DC Posts: 3,320	how are sounds unwary? you're using phrases that make no sense. at all. __________________ One note timeless, came out of nowhere...

12-05-2005, 10:53 PM	#10 (permalink)
TheBig3 killedmyraindog Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Boston, Massachusetts Posts: 11,172	Im not going to comment on the song, but clever is usually niche and a passing humor, it dates a song, be clever all you want but it better have backup. __________________ I've moved to a new address

12-01-2005, 09:18 AM	#3 (permalink)
Zezima What should I type here?? Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: ATL, GA Posts: 61	Yea, good word use but it jumps around to much. I'm pretty sure its about an X girlfrind or boyfriend, but its hard to tell. Last line needs to be changed. Its pretty lame...................

12-01-2005, 02:56 PM	#5 (permalink)
A_Perfect_Sonnet Dinosaurus Rex!!! Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Winchester, VA Posts: 896	Better try again.

12-01-2005, 05:54 PM	#6 (permalink)
Zezima What should I type here?? Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: ATL, GA Posts: 61	good idea

12-05-2005, 03:51 PM	#8 (permalink)
holdfasthope Thrice Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 62	yeah i picked the murder thing, mainly because of the blood down this sink. I'm not to sure how you can misinterpret it to be about an X-girlfriend

12-05-2005, 07:01 PM	#9 (permalink)
Laces Out Dan! I love Puck Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: British Columbia Posts: 4,614	My god that **** is....Well.....Lame...Thats all i can say..sounds like you're some messed up kid who was just dumped