|
Register | Blogging | Today's Posts | Search |
|
Thread Tools | Display Modes |
11-15-2005, 06:44 PM | #1 (permalink) |
Whitewater!
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 2,885
|
Empty Cabinet.
Light is only the eyes travelling past your life
Emptyness is a virtue Be grateful you have nothing to lose If I said soar I'd only expect you to jump I could be your ecstasy Freedom hangs off the four corners of this world Who am I to say they don't exist If your willing to take the fall I'm only too happy to push I could be your ecstasy Raid the thought cabinet Think things through I wanna be your ecstasy Only to dissapoint you when correction is due. I could be your ecstasy The rules to succeed Are handed out at conception Every man has his own Someone must have just burnt yours. I could have been your ecstasy. ------------------------------------------------ Yeah so this song is another one of my boredom moments. I think I actually like writing, but I don't know how crap the material is until you tell me. Hmmm the above is about self esteem. The lack of it, more or less. And that one prick who you always thought was there to support you, is only there for the kicks and manipulation. That one who is dragging you down while your still looking up.
__________________
She thinks I'm a reclusive genius, she's going to be very disappointed when she finds out i'm a reclusive wanker |
11-24-2005, 07:03 AM | #2 (permalink) |
They call me Tundra Boy
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: In your linen cupboard.
Posts: 1,166
|
I didn't like these that much Merkaba. They lack 'poetry', or rather they're just very blunt. They seem to use almost exactly the same language that you'd use to make a normal, conversational forum post.
That's all I've got for the moment. I'll try and give a bit more input later. |
11-24-2005, 08:44 AM | #3 (permalink) | ||
Music Addict
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: DC
Posts: 3,320
|
I don't understand the metaphor's you are making with lines such as
Quote:
Quote:
I'm only too happy to push" is rather witty and fits nicely. as DontRunMeOver said, the language used is a bit bland, but there are good points to this piece. Try rewriting some passages and playing around with the words.
__________________
One note timeless, came out of nowhere... |
||
11-25-2005, 09:55 PM | #4 (permalink) |
Whitewater!
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 2,885
|
Wicked, thanks for the words guys. I had to start somewhere so I guess it's not a bad start, Cheers
That bit, Raid the thought cabinet, was supposed to be saying think for yourself, and then theres the ecstacy guy who does whatever it takes to make you feel miserable. Think of it as being stuck in a pit(depression) and your trying to climb out(thinking for yourself) and then theres someone at the top who shoves you back down(the corrections guy). Ever seen the Lion King, when Scar lets Mufasa die after his efforts to escape death? Kinda like that. But no matter what, it is still too confusing, I agree.
__________________
She thinks I'm a reclusive genius, she's going to be very disappointed when she finds out i'm a reclusive wanker |
11-29-2005, 07:21 AM | #6 (permalink) |
Groupie
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 18
|
''
I guess I'm the kinda guy who likes my songs to rhyme-no matter how Pop that might sound. Songs like these work better with a backing. It seems as though you have thrown metaphors into this song to give it more credibility, when it isn't needed.
|
|