Help with a sonnet

~~bungalow~~ · 12-01-2005, 06:30 PM

Ok...I just finished mine. What would you grade it, knowing that I am a student and not a poet. And that it was very forced

My pride is like a blanket to my eyes
I have become my own worst enemy
I’m left with none but wicked alibis
And with my arrogance that frightens me
All of my sins fall beyond forgiveness
And all of my faults are beyond compare
My indulgence a crime beyond excess
For I live a life beyond repair
But what has the man who has but himself
Except a lifetimes worth of his regrets
I hang my foolish pride upon the shelf
Occupied by self indulgent debts

There is no couplet....still working on that.....
The only part I really dislike is
"Left with none but wicked alibis"
that line blows...the rest is ok

Zezima · 12-01-2005, 06:44 PM

don't worry, mines worse.

12-01-2005, 06:30 PM	#11 (permalink)
~~bungalow~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Hot-lanta Posts: 3,140	Ok...I just finished mine. What would you grade it, knowing that I am a student and not a poet. And that it was very forced My pride is like a blanket to my eyes I have become my own worst enemy I’m left with none but wicked alibis And with my arrogance that frightens me All of my sins fall beyond forgiveness And all of my faults are beyond compare My indulgence a crime beyond excess For I live a life beyond repair But what has the man who has but himself Except a lifetimes worth of his regrets I hang my foolish pride upon the shelf Occupied by self indulgent debts There is no couplet....still working on that..... The only part I really dislike is "Left with none but wicked alibis" that line blows...the rest is ok

12-01-2005, 06:44 PM	#12 (permalink)
Zezima What should I type here?? Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: ATL, GA Posts: 61	don't worry, mines worse.