Losing Your Way (dance, single, quote, song, Hang)

DontRunMeOver · 10-31-2005, 12:55 PM

And here's another one. Again, rip the song to shreds and please single out individual lines for criticism!

----

Tonight we drink and smoke til we go blind
The world will come in shapes which we no longer understand
Confusion by our own design
Now everything is old and new, begin the dance unplanned

My eyes have skinned like orange peels
I put my trust in those who deal
I span around, fell off the wheel
But shouldn’t feel…

Ashamed
Shouldn’t feel ashamed
For losing your way
You are losing your way
Feeling fazed
With histories erased
Losing your way
You are losing your way

Fallen, fallen from the cart
You fell before the finish line and ended up three miles before the start
Feeling weaker than before
You want to say that it was great, but you cannot be sure

My eyes have skinned like orange peels
I put my trust in those who deal
I span around, fell off the wheel
But shouldn’t feel…

Ashamed
Shouldn’t feel ashamed
For losing your way
You are losing your way
Feeling fazed
With histories erased
Losing your way
You are losing your way

This is the feeling that gets you each time
When you don’t know everything you did last night
This is the moment your mind comes unplugged
When you don’t know what you mixed into your blood

But hey, how can you abstain
From indulgences that you can’t even name?
Well, I’ve lost cash and hours of time
But I’ll never know nothing about my crimes

Fenixpunk · 10-31-2005, 02:13 PM

i had to reread this line a few times, its a little confusing:

Quote:

Everything seems old and new, just as we had unplanned

(the first part about old and new sounds ok, but the second part to the line just doesnt sound like its spoken correctly??)

i liked these though, really good:

Quote:

This is the feeling that gets you each time
When you don’t know everything you did last night
This is the moment your mind comes unplugged
When you don’t know what you mixed into your blood

But hey, how can you abstain
From indulgences that you can’t even name?
Well, I’ve lost cash and hours of time
But I’ll never know nothing about my crimes

DontRunMeOver · 11-01-2005, 05:25 AM

I'll definitely change the fourth line then. I can see what you mean, it really sticks out as a dumb line when you read it and doesn't make any sense when you read it aloud (or when I sing it)!

Thanks for your help. Any other comments?

10-31-2005, 12:55 PM	#1 (permalink)
DontRunMeOver They call me Tundra Boy Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: In your linen cupboard. Posts: 1,166	Losing Your Way And here's another one. Again, rip the song to shreds and please single out individual lines for criticism! ---- Tonight we drink and smoke til we go blind The world will come in shapes which we no longer understand Confusion by our own design Now everything is old and new, begin the dance unplanned My eyes have skinned like orange peels I put my trust in those who deal I span around, fell off the wheel But shouldn’t feel… Ashamed Shouldn’t feel ashamed For losing your way You are losing your way Feeling fazed With histories erased Losing your way You are losing your way Fallen, fallen from the cart You fell before the finish line and ended up three miles before the start Feeling weaker than before You want to say that it was great, but you cannot be sure My eyes have skinned like orange peels I put my trust in those who deal I span around, fell off the wheel But shouldn’t feel… Ashamed Shouldn’t feel ashamed For losing your way You are losing your way Feeling fazed With histories erased Losing your way You are losing your way This is the feeling that gets you each time When you don’t know everything you did last night This is the moment your mind comes unplugged When you don’t know what you mixed into your blood But hey, how can you abstain From indulgences that you can’t even name? Well, I’ve lost cash and hours of time But I’ll never know nothing about my crimes

11-01-2005, 05:25 AM	#3 (permalink)
DontRunMeOver They call me Tundra Boy Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: In your linen cupboard. Posts: 1,166	I'll definitely change the fourth line then. I can see what you mean, it really sticks out as a dumb line when you read it and doesn't make any sense when you read it aloud (or when I sing it)! Thanks for your help. Any other comments?