Manowar Week: Poseurs Keep the **** Out!
 

We're sick of all the pussy, pansy, poseur bull**** from the indie twats on this site, so it's Manowar Week. All Manowar, all the time. Some other ****s and I will be posting reviews in this thread of the greatest albums ever made, by the greatest band to ever spring forth from Odin's dickhole, and for an entire week tribute shall be paid to Joey DeMaio, Ross the Boss, Eric Adams, and Scott Columbus (RIP).

Into glory we shall ride, singing our battle hymns to the triumph of steel, as the warriors of the world, the army of the immortals, join the Kings of Metal in the holy crusade against the forces of poseurdom.

**** Radiohead. Vikings rule. **** John Cage. Tits and beer. **** The Beach Boys. Swords in the air.

In other words, HAIL AND KILL!!!


Current album review list (any pussies who wish to review some real music should put their name down for at least one of the remaining albums):


1. Battle Hymns (1982) - Unknown Soldier

2. Into Glory Ride (1983) - Unknown Soldier

3. Hail to England (1984) - Oriphiel

4. Sign of the Hammer (1984) - Trollheart

5. Fighting the World (1987) - The Batlord

6. Kings of Metal (1988) - The Batlord

7. The Triumph of Steel (1992) - Trollheart

8. Louder than Hell (1996) - The Batlord

9. Warriors of the World (2002) - The Batlord

10. Gods of War (2007) - The Batlord

11. Thunder in the Sky [EP] (2009) - Pet_Sounds

12. Battle Hyms MMXI (2010)

13. The Lord of Steel (2012) - The Batlord

14. Kings of Metal MMXIV (2014)

Lemme get some a that Gods of War.

Leave it to Batty to use a picture so large it makes it necessary to read the text by scrolling side to side! Never do anything small, eh Bat? :laughing:
Okay then, let's get this show on the road! If you wanna get involved and try like me to renounce your pussiedom or poseurism, grab one of the albums still available before I end up doing reviews on them! Or hell, just comment on the ones that appear here!

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Saddle up and let's go! Into Glory Ride!

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Sign of the Hammer (1984)

For reasons which escape me, I stopped listening to Manowar after Hail to England. It's not that it was a bad album --- it's actually great --- or that there was a long hiatus and I lost interest --- HtE was also 1984, and there are mere months between the two albums --- but somehow or other I just never really listened to them again after that album. Kind of like it was with Dio; four albums and I stopped for a long time. Although with Dio it was more that the quality of the albums was in a steady decline since their second, and I decided not to bother any more. Plus I think I got more into prog rock around that time.

So what were Manowar doing while I was listening to wibbly keyboard solos and soft-voiced poetic singers going on about towers and rainbows? Well, rockin' hard as ever of course. Everyone, even Batty, their most loyal follower, will agree that to properly enjoy this band you have to be able to laugh at them a little, and there's a lot of humour in “All men play on 10”, the operatic backing chorus just dovetailing perfectly with Eric Adams's seemingly-serious voice as he declares how no real man ever turns his music down. Lot of Kiss in this I feel, and for Manowar it's a slow kind of anthemic song, very heavy but I've heard them do “Fast taker” and “Gloves of metal” and this is nothing like that. Still, you have to smile at lyrics like ”All men play on ten/ Never gonna turn it down again!” Ross the Boss does his usual great job on the axe, and Joey, in addition to writing most of the lyrics, keeps it all together with tight, menacing basslines.

“Animals” is a hell of a lot more like it, erupting out of the speakers with a huge scream from Eric and rattling along at a fine pace, and yet, you know, there's something missing. This is not the same band I remember proudly setting off on a “March for revenge” or crossing the “Bridge of Death” without a flicker of fear. Have they lost their edge? It's only two tracks in, yes, and I'm thirty-odd years older, but I'm just not getting the same vibe I remember getting from them. This sounds kind of like any speed/thrash metal band to me, nothing really marking it out as being MANOWAR, as the first three albums did. Well, we'll see. Next up is one which should change up the game, as “Thor (the Powerhead)” hits. Stentorian vocal from Eric, warrior chorus from the boys, snarling guitar, thundering drums; this has it all.

It's hard however not to hear Maiden in that guitar riff, though when Ross gets shredding it's all him, and things begin to fall a little more into place. That man can certainly play, and there's passion in his fretwork that leaves you in no doubt that he's serious about what he does. And there's that big battlecry roar from Adams that we've been waiting to hear! Ooh yeah! There are two seven-minuters on this album, which is fair enough as there are only eight tracks in all, and some of Manowar's best work that I've heard has been in their longer songs (“Dark avenger”, “Gates of Valhalla”, “Battle hymn” and the aforementioned “March for revenge (by the soldiers of Death)” and “Bridge of Death”) and “Mountains” starts off with a powerful keyboard intro and a dark, lamenting croon by Adams. Sort of reminds me of a longer version of the opening to “Gates of Valhalla”. Also gets me back into the Manowar mood the first two albums engendered in me.

Some very introspective work from Ross here, and it's he too who plays the keys, and damn well. A big roar again from Adams, this song really pumping up the drama and operatic fervour, and with that familiar cold wind blowing at the end. Ah, takes me back! Big nasty guitar opening then to the title track, sort of neo-classical in part before it takes off romping along at a fine pace. Joey can't resist throwing in the title of the second album again, but it works really well. Great warrior chorus too. Ross then cuts loose on the guitar, dashing along like a mad thing, with no doubt an evil grin on his chiselled features while Eric reaches the highest notes with ease, something few other singers can do. Bombastic, over-the-top ending. Ooh yeah!

Great shredding then joins in with powerful percussion and bass to open “The Oath”, which thunders along like a battle charger, fire in its eyes, blood in its nostrils, riding down every enemy soldier it encounters, leaving a trail of mangled human parts and twisted armour in its wake. Another fine vocal from Adams links with a sort of scattergun guitar from Ross, though “Thunderpick” is just another excuse for him to display his fiddly little technical skill on the guitar, and it does less than nothing for me, other than show he's a skillful fretman, which we knew anyway. I suppose it's interesting to hear him attempt a sort of classical guitar approach, but meh. It's entirely instrumental, as you'd expect.

The big finish then is the other seven-minute track, and “Guyana (Cult of the Damned)” is I think Manowar's first attempt to write about a public event/political thing since the brief mention of 'Nam in “Fast taker” on the debut. Centring of course on the cult of Jim Jones which led to hundreds taking their own lives, it opens on a slow, doomy punchy guitar line, while I personally think the song might have been better served by a thick organ line or atmospheric synth. To be honest, for about a minute and a half this sounds like an extension of “Thunderpick”, and it's a pretty poor introduction to a song which should, I assume, be a very heavy one.

Sort of minstrel style vocal from Adams, growling “Thank you for the cool-aid!” It's nearly three minutes before the first real chorus comes in, and it's dramatic, but lacks a certain something, I don't know: there's not enough anger, menace or even evil in it. Good romping beat takes the song halfway through and it certainly picks up driven on the rhythm section's manipulation of the melody, with Ross adding the guitar hard edges, but I feel Adams could have put a lot more emotion into his vocal here. Everytime he sings “Guyana!” I think he's saying “Diana!” :laughing:

Well now we get a really decent solo from Ross and the song is increasing in intensity and fervour, but we're now five minutes in, and this is no “Bridge of Death” or indeed “Battle hymn”. Not the strongest closer to be sure, though it has its moments. Just not enough of them. The final cry of “Mother!” at the end is poignant all right.

TRACKLISTING

1. All men play on 10
2. Animals
3. Thor (The Powerhead)
4. Mountains
5. Sign of the Hammer
6. The Oath
7. Thunderpick
8. Guyana (Cult of the Damned)

To be honest, I'm pretty disappointed. Only a few months from one of their masterpieces and we get this? It's mostly weak and apologetic, even given the titles, and depending on how it goes from here, this could be the point at which people stop laughing with Manowar and begin laughing at them. A poor effort. Are we rating? If we're rating this gets a mere

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Thank god. I'm already preparing myself to have to do Fighting the World too, and I didn't want to have to do that ****ing album along with it. Uh, I mean... that's a great album. You should totally do it.

You know, I find myself liking this album a little more each time I listen to it. "Why's that?" you ask. Are there things about it that you didn't notice the first time? Are the compositions so clever that they take more than one listen to appreciate? Is The Lord of Steel just so mind-alteringly amazing that its magic enthralls you anew with each spin?

**** no.

I like this album better than yesterday simply because I've given up on finding anything worth listening to, and so now I'm willing to settle for this third-rate gutter trash, like that fat, toothless chick in a tube top still waiting around at last call.

This is pretty much the same tepid hard rock/metal from Louder than Hell, except without any songs that you might actually want to listen to afterward. The guitar and riffs are all interchangeable and unmemorable, the vocals tired and indifferent, and the songs themselves have absolutely no soul. Manowar has dropped more than a few balls in their time, but even then there was something to be redeemed: Louder than Hell and Fighting the World were both watered down and relatively dull, but still had some fine tunes, Warriors of the World was uneven as hell, but the songs that did work were some of the best of Manowar's career, and even though Gods of War was boring, overblown nonsense with only a few good songs, at least it failed while trying.

Manowar has simply gone the path of least resistance with this album, not even bothering to pretend as if they still give a ****. The songs suck, the band sounds as if they'd rather be elsewhere, and I proudly declare that they didn't see a cent for the album I am currently listening to.

**** this ****. This is not acceptable. There is a difference between a band past their prime, and a band who are simply embarrassing themselves -- and even by Manowar's standards, this takes a **** all over that line. Fix this ****, Manowar. Or quit. Just don't release another piece of garbage like this.

****ing *******s.

Yeah, but did you like it? :laughing:

Ori is still on the hook for that album. Machine's review is technically unaffiliated with Manowar Week, so the synchronicity is purely coincidental.

What's Manowar's worst record, Batlord? I at least want my **** to be easy to squeeze out.

EDIT: give me your honest opinion, even if someone has that album already set up. I don't give to raunchy ****s about doubling up.

Well, the one I reviewed was pretty terrible, but I think Gods of War might be an even bigger endurance test, since it has a lot of intros and whatnot that break up songs for no good reason. It's bad in a less boring way... while also being really, really boring.

I'll take it.

Well here's a link if you need it.

Zippyshare.com - 2007 - Gods Of War.rar

You can add it if you want seeing as it does work in the time frame, and you wouldn't be torturing Ori for like 40 minutes.

Be quiet.

Okay then, just a suggestion. I mean it would add to the theme of negitive reviews that have been submitted so far.

He requested the album all by himself. I'm pretty sure he was the mastermind behind Manowar Week to begin with. It's not like he's gonna get a better album than that one anyway.

Sorry, guys. I was gonna review the album today, but I ended up being really busy, and didn't have the time. I'll probably do it tomorrow.

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The Beast
Manowar’s debut album Battle Hymns was a strong if clichéd metal album, that had a heavy rock ‘n’ roll tinge a la Kiss to it but it also contained the band’s first two epic meandering metal tracks in “Dark Avenger” and the title track “Battle Hymns” two songs that clocked just under 7 minutes each and displayed the type of metal that the band wore closest to their hearts, and that was metal of the loudest and most epic proportions. The former had used the the voice of Orson Welles and showed some strong touches of doom metal, despite containing a number of flaws for a lengthy track and the latter track was the stronger of the two demonstrating the true direction of the band for their next album.

So it was hardly a surprise that their second album Into Glory Ride, would feature six tracks between 5 and 8 minutes of running time and these tracks would also be epic showcases of the band’s sound at this time. The only oddity on the album is the opener “Warlord” which really belongs on the debut and not here, it kind of reminds me of “Invaders” on Iron Maiden’s The Number of the Beast album, as a song that just didn’t really fit on that album either. It was also around this time that Manowar could be described as a genuine celebration of true heavy metal with established clichés and all, but the band though put their metal credentials on the line from the word go, by posing for the album cover in their warrior loin-clothes and swords. They also managed to sign a new record deal as well with Megaforce Records, by opening up their own veins with ceremonial daggers and using their own blood to sign the deal wow! Resident expert here The Batlord describes Manowar as being like Conan the Barbarian to the more sophisticated Tolkien works, a good analogy indeed. Into Glory Ride is an album mostly penned by bassist Joey DeMaio and it’s steeped in Norse mythology making it a true Viking metal classic, before the sub-genre became a centrepiece of the Nordic metal scene still several years down the line. Despite the album’s somewhat weak production, Eric Adams’ five-and-a-half octave range voice makes the turntable creak as he wades through the six bombastic tracks on the album, but possibly the showstopper here is that of new drummer the big pounding Scott Columbus, who came into replace Donnie Hamzik on the drum stool and this man mountain supposedly hit the drums so hard that conventional drum kits would break beneath his strength, forcing him to use a custom built set. All this kind of reminds me of when Keith Moon first auditioned for the Who all those years ago!

The six album epics start with the “Secret of Steel” which starts with a drum intro and it’s a sluggish ultra-heavy track and Eric Adam’s vocals perfectly match the tempo of the song, and the whole process is spiced up by Joey DeMaio. Its fellow 5 minute track “Gloves of Metal” has a distinctly Iron Maiden feel, as Eric Adam’s seems to be singing about clichéd metal attire in a nod to Rob Halford & Co. and the song’s galloping style makes it one of the most melodic on show here. Now things get truly epic with “Gates of Valhalla” a song designed to show the bombastic side of the band in all their glory. The same can’t be said though for “Hatred” which is an extended effort that really doesn’t go anywhere and sounds similar to an Ozzy sung Black Sabbath track in certain sections. “Revelation (Death’s Angel)” is probably the most complete track on the album, as it seems to pull all the glorious aspects of the band’s sound together and could in many ways be described as the perfect Manowar track. “March for Revenge (By the Soldiers of Death)” isn’t for me as good as the closing “Battle Hymns” on the previous album and despite being the most ambitious track on the album, shows that the band were entering slightly deeper water here.

Overall Into Glory Ride would be the band at their most creative and they were totally dedicated here in what they were doing, before they entered into their best known period that would start on their next album Hail to England. The band also continued being the prime motivators behind not just the power metal genre at this time, but also a number of other metal genres that liked the taste of epic sounding metal as well, making them pretty groundbreaking in what they were doing around this time. Like the Manilla Road album above it of which it shares some kind of spiritual brotherhood, this album is also ranked in Rock Hard magazine's list of ‘The 500 Greatest Rock & Metal Albums of All Time’ which certainly shows the taste of those that did that list.

Yeah, it really has no place on the album, and is possibly one of, if not the most inappropriate songs to start an album of all time, regardless of it being one of their best songs of all time (love that song so much). I see it as basically a cop out. I think the band was nervous about starting the album with a song as inaccessible as most of the rest of the songs on the album, so they chose a more user friendly song that was just completely confusing next to the rest of the album.

It's kind of Manowar in a nutshell. They make fun music, but have no common sense or taste. Any other band would have instinctively realized what a stupid idea putting "Warlord" on the album was, let alone starting off with it would have been, but Manowar are Manowar, and so it is what it is. I love those morons.

Honestly, even if it would mean being deprived of the gloriousness of "Warlord", I think they should have cut that out and started with "Gloves of Metal": it's anthemic enough and accessible enough for an opener, and gives a perfect statement of intent. A six song album might be too short, but it would have made more sense.

Totally agree. Honestly, I think Hail to England was a bit of a cop out as well (though it's still fantabulous). It was possibly their most solid album of all time -- Battle Hymns didn't really have much in the way of duds, but it also wasn't particularly inventive either, barring those two songs you mentioned -- but it also pulled back the reigns on the sound they'd put out with Into Glory Ride.

I understand why. I mean, they couldn't always pull off what they wanted with Into Glory Ride, so it makes sense that they would make a more accessible version of it that didn't require as much effort, but it makes Into Glory Ride the greatest gem in their crown, as they never really went all out like that again. Triumph of Steel was only half experimental, as the second half was a far safer bet, obviously meant to cater to the people who weren't picking up what they were putting down with "Achilles" (like me TBH).

But on the other hand everybody remembers this I guess as the track that doesn't belong on the album and what better place than to put if first, as most people remember best the opening track on albums they like.

As you've said there was probably record label pressure to put out something accessible rather than self-indulgent and Hail to England and Into Glory Ride are prefect examples of this difference.

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The Triumph of Steel (1992)

There are a few things that get me about this album right from the off. Firstly, I look and see again only eight tracks, and I think, nice one Trollheart! Good pick! Then I look closer and I see that oen of them, the opener in fact, is twenty-eight minutes long! That's a shock, but then I see it's about the epic face-off between Achilles and Hector during the Trojan War, and I'm already looking forward to it. Secondly, I see there is no Ross the Boss! NOOOOOO!!! The founder and lead axeman --- well, only axeman! --- of this band has flown the coop? How can they survive? How indeed. He's replaced/succeeded by David Shankle. Huh? Who he? Well according to Wiki's brief entry on him he didn't do anything before joining Manowar. Let's see what Metal Archives have on him.

Oh man! Nothing really, and just LOOK at the guy! He looks like that long hair has been attached as extensions! Nor does he look too happy. Well, who would, trying to step into those iron shoes left behind by the former lead guitarist and creator of the band?
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Still, I guess it's more about how he sounds and how well he fills the gaping hole left by the departure of Ross that we're more interested in than if his hair is real. Let's just take a quick looksee at the Manowar website though, see what they have to say about him. Okay. Not even mentioned, as he's been replaced since, well, right after this album. Ah man that sucks! They don't even have a bio, or even a word for Ross on their site! Shame on you guys! What happened to honour and brotherhood?

Anyway, before I get too deeply into that and forget why I came here, let's kick this beast off and see how it compares to the last Manowar album I listened to, which was, to be fair, pretty average and something of a disappointment. Well, there's a strong, triumphant, marching beat to get us underway then we're off on a rolling guitar line with elements of Lizzy's “Emerald” thrown in as Achilles: Agony and Ectascy in Eight Parts” kicks the album off. After a few minutes it slows down to a dramatic, stately dirge driven on low almost muted organ, and just Adams's vocal. Pealing bells then take in the next part (it's divided into, as the title says, eight sections, but it's hard to know how it's subdivided) with harmony guitar taking the tune on its own, before percussion joins in slowly, hammering out the beat with single strokes as the guitars continue, and I'm assuming this is “Funeral march”, which is the third part of the suite.

We're now eight minutes in as cymbals, hi-hats and other lightweight drums take over for what may be “Armour of the gods”, this developing then into a full-blown drum solo from Kenny Earl “Rhino” Edwards, also making his only appearance with Manowar on this one album, and while it certainly has a metal, militaristic feel, hell I just hate drum solos and this one goes on too long. Finally Shankle rides to the rescue, cutting through the overdone solo with his guitar like a knife through something very soft, and I would hazard that we're into part V, “Hector's final hour”. The vocal here begins quite low, but soon enough Adams raises his voice in his death throes as he assumes the persona of the Trojan hero, the warrior chorus swelling behind him. It sounds like there are keys here too; I know Manowar used them when Ross was with them, but I see no credits for them on this album. I'd imagine they're there though.

Hector's life blood ebbs away and the track fades out as he dies, then pounds into the next part as “Death Hector's Award” goes heads-down for it, hammering along at lightspeed, Shankle's guitar like a gatling gun, Adams rattling off the lines in a grim, determined voice and at some speed. Well now, he's singing about desecration and the next part is called “The desecration of Hector's body”, so maybe I have missed a part out. Hard to say when there's no clear running time but even so, whichever it is, this is a good hard rocker with a lot of menace in it. It's also broken into two parts, so buggered if (assuming this is it, which I think it is) I can tell which is which. Where are we now? Twenty minutes in.

Now we get a nice classical guitar solo from Shankle, bit of a “look-at-me!” sort of thing but not bad. Heading towards the ending part now, with the “Glory of Achilles” comes in with a big bombastic guitar and rolling drums, as Achilles revels in his triumph, Troy burning and the long war at its end at last. There's some good shredding, but it doesn't end as I would have expected, in fact it FADES OUT! Weird.

After that epic we're back to basics with “Metal warriors”; having explored the classics the boys are back giving the finger to poseurs and declaring “If you don't like Heavy Metal/ You are not my friend!” It's something of a comedown after the epic, but then there's a deep growly animalistic roar that would not be out of place on a Slayer album to kick off “Ride the dragon”, though the vocal seems to go off on one of the speakers; it's like it's coming out of a speaker that's not working, and I know mine are. Bit unbalancing. Good fast hard rocker though, and it leads into “Spirit horse of the Cherokee”, opening on a sort of whistling, flutey sound with wind effects and a wolf howling. Or maybe it's coyotes. Something canine anyway. A mix of voices then speak, sort of reminds me of the spoken part in “Angel of Death” off Renegade.

Horse whinneys now of course, then the sound of hooves galloping before Shankle's guitar slices through with a pounding beat from Edwards, indeed a kind of tribal rhythm being set up here. Adams's voice takes flight as if riding on the back of one of these untameable animals, hollering into the wind, his hair streaming back like a flag. “Burning”, however, just bores me. It's kind of like the “Hatred” of this album. Manowar fans will know what I mean. Both of us. “The power of thy sword” sounds like it includes the actual sound of a sword being drawn from its scabbard, which if it is the case makes this cool before it even begins. The warrior chorus is back and Shankle's guitar is doing what it does best, machinegunning down all before it. Speeding along like an arrow, the track features a really great hook and some of Adams's best screams. Yeah, that's a sword being drawn all right; they just did it again.

Seemed like it was over, and I was about to say that was a quick eight minutes, but no, it's fading down to nothing before rising slowly on what appears to be a dark keyboard line and a very very low vocal from Eric. Very grand, very dramatic, and still at this point very quiet ... oh here it comes. Power slowly building, swelling and there's the organ with the hammering guitar smashing its way through. Warrior chorus returning, everything kicking up as we head towards the conclusion ... and it's another one that fades. Hmm. Damn good song though. Another almost eight minute track in “The Demon's whip”, which begins with more roars, flames, the sound (obviously) of whips, and takes nearly ninety seconds before any music comes in. When it does, the song reminds me of Rainbow and Sabbath with hints of Zep too. Quite a blues sort of song, not the sort of thing I expect from Manowar to be honest. It does get heavier as it goes, but it starts a little seventies hard rock.

Big powerful fast-as-hell ending through, and then we ease into the closer, as “Master of the wind” comes in on a soft acoustic guitar with a lonely vocal from Adams; I reckon there are keys in there too. Rolling drums bring in pealing bells, and I wonder if this could possibly be a ballad? Don't think I've actually ever heard a Manowar ballad, if such a thing exists. Well there's no explosion of frenzied guitar yet, and is that a flute I hear? I believe Joey plays the piccolo, so maybe. I'd be really surprised if this was going to kick into life at this point. Orchestral style keys with a dark, doomy kind of dramatic sound. Really good closer, very impressed.

TRACKLISTING

1. Achilles: Agony and the Ecstasy in Eight Parts
Prelude
(i) Hector storms the walls
(ii) The death of Patroclus
(iii) Funeral march
(iv) Armour of the gods
(v) Hector's final hour
(vi) Death Hector's reward
(vii) The desecration of Hector's body
(viii) The glory of Achilles
2. Metal warriors
3. Ride the dragon
4. Spirit horse of the Cherokee
5. Burning
6. The power of thy sword
7. The demon's whip
8. Master of the wind

Yeah, this is far more like it! This is the Manowar I remember. Sure, there's the odd duff track (“Metal warriors”, the awful “Burning”), but the power of the opener and indeed the closer make this album, and it's treading on Virgin Steele territory at times. Of course, again they're mixing mythologies, what with Thor being Norse (though that was on the other album) and Achilles obviously Greek, but then, what band doesn't do that? The power and passion in this album is evident for all to see, and even the absence of the mighty Ross doesn't diminish it as I had believed it would.

So I have no problem rating this at a very solid
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I thought you were doing Sign of the Hammer or are you doing two albums?

Already done that one. I'm a reviewing machine! :laughing:

I've only ever been able to listen to "Achilles" in full maybe twice. That song is just ass. Manowar were never exactly brilliant songwriters, and trying to do that song just exposes their limitations for all the world to see. It just feels like a bunch of solos haphazardly slapped together without any kind of logic.

And "Metal Warriors" is awesome.

It was a bit tiresome. I love "Gates of Valhalla", but they're no Virgin Steele, let's be honest here.

Believe it or not, I actually know a guy with a huge Manowar tattoo across his back.

The band is supposed to be cheesy right? Like a Spinal Tap parody? Or are they the real deal ???!!!

I'll bet he gets all the pussy.

Lol, ya I've heard that Manowar is the ultimate chic magnet. Got to get hooked up.

You'll certainly see quite a few people with large boobs and long hair at their concerts, but I'm not sure about finding any females.

Sorry for being last minute, but I can't be arsed to review Battle Hymns. Somebody can take my album I guess.

You're missing out on a good album there.
If we're stuck I can link my review of it from my journal. If anyone cares.

I've also reviewed it previously as well and saves Violet doing it (even though for some reason it ended up being one of my shorter reviews)



The Beast
The name Manowar usually evokes strong opinions amongst metalheads and these opinions often denote Manowar as being the complete anthithesis of everything they see great about metal from a negative viewpoint, but this is equally countered by others (such as me) who see the band as being the epitome of everything metal. I consider myself a big Manowar fan, not so much in their actual music, but more in them being a genuine celebration of metal and all its established clichés. Manowar would go on to be so influential on 1980s metal, that they can probably be seen as the principal motivators of the soon to be ‘power metal’ genre (easily one of my favourite sub-metal genres) making them pretty groundbreaking in what they were doing.

The band were formed in New York 1980 by bassist and band leader Joey DeMaio, who soon recruited highly reputable guitarist Ross the Boss ex-Dictators and ex-Shakin Street a French metal band who once appeared earlier in this journal (see 1978 review) drummer Donnie Hamzik and finally vocalist Eric Adams, an ex-butcher who claimed to have a five-and-a-half octave vocal range! The criteria of this new band was quite simple and that was to be the loudest metal band in the world and also the truest, and in my opinion that’s exactly what they would achieve over their next several albums. Manowar were never a band to be taken too seriously and their debut album Battle Hymns which features here, is certainly encumbered by a number of badly used metal clichés and less than impressive song writing ability on certain songs, but the pure and potential epicness of the band is there from the word go, and this talent covers over these cracks making Battle Hymns an interesting ‘power metal starter album’.

The album starts with “Death Tone” with its Kiss influenced “Detroit Rock City” opener and in general the song has that Kiss aroma throughout, but Manowar play louder than Kiss ever did though. By the time of the excellent second track ‘the celebration of metal anthem’ “Metal Daze” you really know what this band are all about and that is quite simply epic metal that’s here to stay! The band then truly blend speed metal into their powerful repertoire on “Fast Taker” the best track on the album, before the album then dips into clichéd and patchy song choices, but there’s still enough here to keep you engaged. The band though get things right on the album closer, the epic title track “Battle Hymn” all hail glorious metal!

I've listened to it quite a few times, and enjoyed it. But I'm not really up for reviewing it. I should probably stop promising to review stuff and then deciding to call it quits. I guess I just wanted dibs on the album if I were to review it.

You sack of ****.

And where the **** are Ori and Pet_Sounds? I reviewed that goddamn Billy Joel album!

This album is where Manowar really jumped the shark. They'd been plenty cheesy before, but now they crossed the line into full-on self-parody. It's probably also the album that saved them. After running out of creative steam on Sign of the Hammer, and presumably caving to record company pressure to tone down for mass consumption on Fighting the World (to absolutely no results), Kings of Metal found them rejuvenated, with a new sound, and a new sense of "**** you" -- presumably also caused by whatever went down with Fighting the World.

Firstly, there's still plenty of the epic heavy metal from Into Glory Ride and Hail to England, but there's a new power/speed metal edge to a lot of the songs on here -- such as opener "Wheels of Fire, and closer "Blood of the Kings" -- that really gives the music an energy they hadn't really had for the most part since Battle Hymns.

The other big change is the presence of actual ballads. It's funny that they'd play around with those on the album where they quit trying to attract mainstream exposure, but these ballads never fall into "Home Sweet Home" territory. "Heart of Steel" and "Kingdom Come" are basically what power ballads would sound like if they were recorded by metalhead morons with more leather than sense (imagine that). It takes a special kind of person to like a Manowar ballad, and I can understand if you think they're just cheesy ****, but I love them.

Now, about that jumping the shark ****. Rather than try to write something cohesive, I'm just going to go down the line here and list the main ways in which Manowar are ridiculous on this album... yet somehow make it work. (We're ignoring the lyrics, since Manowar's lyrics should just be assumed to be dumb.)

1.) "Kings of Metal" - The title track is facepalm worthy. I suppose it's not necessarily any worse than "Warlord" or "All Men Play on Ten" as far as dunderheaded self-aggrandizement goes, but I just feel like they turn it up to eleven on this song (Spinal Tap reference intentional). The reason it works? This song is just so catchy, heavy, and anthemic that you can't help but get swept along when Eric Adams sings, "Other bands play!" followed by the gang shout response, "MANOWAR KILL!!!" This song just sucks so good.

2.) "The Crown and the Ring" - Objectively, this song is a complete failure. It's just a ballad, where Eric Adams sings about battle over low key synths, and then they jam a chorus sung by a choir after every verse, as if you don't have to do anything else to justify a choir. It's meant to sound epic and stirring, but it's just so self-indulgent and ridiculous that it's hilarious instead. The reason it works? I guess jamming a chorus sung by a choir after every verse can't help but sound kind of epic and stirring, no matter how much you **** it up. Brilliant dumb song.

3.) "The Warrior's Prayer" - Oh my god, this track. This ****ing track. After you've listened to it once, you can skip it forever after. Thank god I live in the age of easily skippable digital music, or else I probably would have listened to the song it introduces a lot fewer times. It's just an old man telling his grandson about some battle being waged by four "METAL KINGS!!!" -- presumably Manowar -- against the armies of the world. It goes on for over four god damn minutes. The reason it "works"? You'll only listen to it every once in a blue moon, but when you do, it will make you smile despite yourself at its absurd grandeur.

As far as I'm concerned, the only real fault with Kings of Metal is that the three ballads -- along with the prerequisite terrible bass solo -- all sit in the middle of the album, without any pure metal tracks to liven things up, which kills a bit of the album's momentum. We're also going to pretend that the execrable "Pleasure Slave" isn't on this album, since it was only added for the CD rerelease and I immediately removed it upon download. I honestly don't even remember what it sounds like.

I can't sign off without mentioning "Hail and Kill" though. It's by far the most epic song on this album, though it starts off almost like a ballad, before ramping up into heavy/power metal gloriousness of the highest caliber, with a gang shout chorus that sends chills up my spine at just how badass it is. And the line at the beginning, "May your sword stay wet, like a young girl in her prime" is moron metal genius.

If you love Manowar, you love this album, but if you think they're an embarrassment, then this isn't going to convert you. It is however, the ultimate example of the sound for which they've become known, and it's just too bad that they'd never again be able to so almost perfectly bring together all of the goofy-yet-glorious elements that make it such a monumentally flawed masterpiece. Hail and kill indeed.

Yeah, I'm not holding my breath on many last minute entries by some people, so I'm just filling in some of the gaps.


This album is a bit of a strange beast. It's not much different from the previous two, Kings of Metal and Triumph of Steel, but it's easily their weakest since Fighting the World (I'm no fan of the thirty minute "epic" from Triumph of Steel, but the album is otherwise as it should be.) For one, it never quite "gets going" in the speed metal department, but it also has none of the epic heaviness of Into Glory Ride or Hail to England. It's not nearly as tepid as Fighting the World, but it also lacks the energy and passion of Battle Hymns -- although if I was to compare it to any previous Manowar album, it would be that one. So, basically what we have is watered down biker metal.

Another problem is that I can't honestly say there's even one song that's really on the same level as their best material. Without any of the above qualities to latch onto (speed, heaviness, epicness, energy, passion), Manowar's songwriting limitations become very evident, with many song's only redeeming qualities being their choruses.

I'm not sure exactly what happened with this album. My first guess is that Manowar was just tired by this point and didn't have much left in the tank, and so they pushed out the best album they could be bothered to make to justify a tour. I'm sure that Eric Adams' clearly deteriorating voice was also a contributing factor to the album's lack of energy, as he probably wouldn't have been able to really pull off any songs requiring his trademark high end screams.

Perhaps label pressure? Metal was dead, so the suits wanted them to change with the times? If so then I don't know why Manowar even bothered listening to them as much as they hypothetically did, cause I highly doubt even those egomaniacs would think that Pearl Jam fans had any desire to listen to them play hard rock and sing about metal/themselves (I'm sure Manowar considered them the same thing by this point.) I mean, yeah, the music is a bit toned down, but it's still the same ol' Manowar, and they sing about the same things they always do, and they still have a god damn bass solo song. Besides, I doubt any label would stoop to giving even the slightest **** about them in 1996 anyway.

Yet with all the things wrong with this album, I still dig it. It's not the first album I pull out when starting a Mano-binge, but about halfway through, when I've already listened to the classics, but I'm not on my way to becoming bored with constantly listening to them, I'll throw Louder than Hell on and it'll do its job competently. There aren't any true classics, though a few songs are still pretty damn good, but the band also somehow manages to keep everything consistent; I'm never blown away by this album, but I'm never bored either. So, if you hate or are new to Manowar, then steer clear of Louder than Hell for the moment, as it's really a fans only release.

Sorry, Batty--I kinda forgot about this, with real life and all. I'll do my best to write a review tonight or tomorrow.

I'm already in the middle of reviewing Warriors of the World, so that's already going up, but since you still owe me, do the Thunder in the Sky EP. It's only six songs long, and you don't have to worry about the second disc where they did fifteen versions of the same song in different languages (I don't know why Manowar worried about it either TBH.) It's pretty solid.

Edit:

Warriors of the World. The jewel in the nonexistent crown of Manowar's post-classic period. Louder than Hell was lukewarm, Gods of War stupefyingly overblown, and The Lord of Steel just plain awful, but this album makes all the years of meh albums worth it. It's not a true classic, but I'll ****ing take it.

If I'd heard Louder than Hell back in '96, and then waited until '02 for this, their followup, I'd have assumed that their days were done and this would just be an even further diminished return. Opener "Call to Arms" -- the best song they'd done since 1988 as far as I'm concerned -- would have mercifully dashed those fears. Its crushingly heavy, savagely epic majesty kicks this album off perfectly. And of course it's about killing poseurs in the name of True Metal.

"I can see, by the look that you have in your eye, you came here for metal, to fight and to die!"

Indeed I did, Eric. Indeed I did.

In much the same way that Kings of Metal rejuvenated the band, it's biggest flaw is also Warriors of the World's: too many ballads in the middle of the album without any break. There's no bass solo, thank god, but instead there's a three-and-a-half-minute vocal cover of "Nessun Dorma". An opera piece. It's not good. It's not good even a little bit. And it's the third song on the album. **** that.

But those ballads -- "The Fight for Freedom", "Swords in the Wind", and "An American Trilogy" -- are epic and fan-****ing-tastic ("An American Trilogy" somewhat less so), and possibly the best ballads of their career. Eric Adams might not have the range he used to, but he's adapted to his new limitations far better here than on Louder than Hell, and some of his best work for the album is definitely on these slower songs.

Aside from "Nussen Dorma", the other turd on this album is "The March", a four-minute orchestral thing that desperately wants to be epic, but is really just tedious and overlong. Coulda been cool, but then Manowar just forgot that they're not Mozart. These two songs probably foreshadowed the unfortunate direction they took on their next album, but we'll get to that later.

But **** all that ****, cause the rest of the album is pure metal awesomeness. "Warriors of the World" kicks the last half of the album off in bitchin' fashion, and after that it's just epic heavy/power metal awesomeness. It would have been nice if Manowar had mixed these songs up with the ballads on the first half, but it is what it is.

I can only assume that the difference between Warriors of the World and Louder than Hell is that Manowar actually cared about this album. Why they all of a sudden got their mojo back after six years is beyond me, but I'm not complaining. This might have been their last truly listenable album, but I'm just glad their last one was so strong (**** it, it's a classic, warts and all), and not just okay. Listen to this album. It ****ing rules.

God damn it I hate this album. It's so long, so overblown, and so boring. I'm honestly not sure if I've been able to make it through the entire thing more than once, so I really can't give a real review. Rather than subject myself to it enough times that I can speak about it intelligently, I'm just gonna go track by track and review it like I do in my avant garde rec thread. At least then this might be good for a chuckle or two. **** me...


1.) "Overture to the Hymn of the Immortal Warriors" 6:20: This is not a song. This is an intro. A six minute intro. There is a two-and-a-half minute intro after this. That's almost ten minutes before the first song actually starts. **** me...

Oh yeah, it's a bunch of orchestral ****. Because four minutes of this wasn't more than I wanted on the last album. Just FYI, this is a concept album about the Norse gods, so there are a bunch of these kinds of things in-between songs to "set the mood" (i.e. bore the **** out of people).

And now there's a choir. ****. Not even two minutes in.

Organ goes DUN! DUN! DUN! That's epic. Please do something else. No, I didn't mean a tuba. Oh god.

And there's the choir again. I don't understand how this was all arranged. It certainly wasn't according to what sounded good. Still two ****ing minutes. I almost feel bad for trying to foist this on Plankton.

And that **** is done! Almost! There we go!

2.) "The Ascension" 2:30: There's that same choir and more wannabe orchestral **** that just missed the cut for the LOTR soundtrack. Is there going to be a reason why this was separated from the first-

Oh, there's some guy talking! Just going to assume he's talking about Odin. If this had begun the album then it might have been cheesy but fun, but it's been too tedious for too long.

Hey, there's Eric Adams singing over he choir. No less boring than anything that's come before TBH. And it transitions to...

3.) "King of Kings" 4:18: ... An actual song! Yay! Too bad it's this one. I clearly remember this being unmemorable.

Yeah, the riffs are pretty generic, and there isn't much going on to draw my attention. There isn't even an epic chorus to make me forget that the rest of the song is mediocre.

God damn it! The dude is talking about Odin again (or whatever, I don't really care enough to listen). The song just stops so this guy can drone on for a little bit, then it's a ballad for a little bit longer, and then we're back to the generic heavy/power metal.

Hey, Eric just tried a scream. It wasn't that great, and it sounded like they used some studio trickery to make it sound better, but at least they're trying. It's a metaphor for this album though: Manowar is putting their all into it, but all that effort just goes into pointless bull**** rather than actually making an album you'd want to listen to.

4.) "Army of the Dead, Part I" 1:59: Oh good, there's two of them. That makes me not want to listen to this twice as much.

Another choir! Although this one is more monk than Christmas pageant. Something about Valkyries, so I'm assuming this is about dead warriors going to Valhalla. Yep. Nice, boring chant about Valhalla.

I feel like a lot of the intros and outros on this album would be fine by themselves on another album that wasn't filled with the same ****, but all together they just become tedious. This isn't awful, but this is the fourth track on the album, and there's only been one song. **** that ****.

5.) "Sleipnir" 5:14: I seem to remember this and the next song being good, so I'm optimistic for the first time in... fifteen minutes. Jesus Christ.

Oh god, please don't let this intro go on for two minutes like they always do in Manowar songs. There's a horse running and neighing, and that dude is talking again, and we're at a minute already.

There we go, the intro only lasted a minute.

._.

Okay, I guess my memory of this being good was a relative thing. It's the best thing so far, but that's not saying much. It's not terrible, but it wouldn't even have made the cut for Louder than Hell. At least it's almost over. I definitely remember digging the next song.

6.) "Loki God of Fire" 3:50: Bam! Next song hits like a boss. This is officially the first good riff on the album. What's with the production though? Kinda weak. This song could be totally heavier. Still, pretty bitchin' song with a nice chorus.

Not anticipating consistency though.

7.) "Blood Brothers" 4:54: I have no way of knowing when a song is a song or an intro/outro. You'd think length would be a hint, but not necessarily. Eric Adams is singing over synths, so I'm assuming this is an actual song, just with an overlong beginning.

There's like, guitar and drums going on in the background, but I still hesitate to say that this is a real song, cause nothing has happened yet. Just two-and-a-half minutes of build up. This isn't even a ballad.

Alright, I think this is a song, because the guitar just ramped up a bit, but I still refuse to call this a real song.

Why is this five minutes long? It doesn't need to be. No payoff can justify four minutes of utter boredom.

Okay. So there wasn't even a payoff. Just five minutes of boring bull**** that went absolutely nowhere. I think it says a lot about this album and Manowar's songwriting abilities that I wasn't sure whether it was a song or an intro until it was half over, and even then I wasn't 100%.

8.) "Overture to Odin" 3:42: I think I'm safe in assuming this is an intro. I'm curious if Manowar even knows what an overture is. Don't get me wrong, I have no idea either, but I would never use "overture" in one of my song titles.

Boring violins. Goody. Some synths. **** a duck, I think this might be almost four minutes of boring violins and boring synths. Wait, there's a tuba. I think that's how I'm supposed to know it's an overture.

What the ****?! Why did Manowar do this ****? There's nothing about this that has anything to do with their core sound. There's nothing to make this anything other than a non-sequitor in the middle of an album that it has nothing musically to do with. And it's so ****ing long!

Yup. Four minutes of synths, violins, a tuba, and apparently an organ, all of which are somehow supposed to invoke the feeling of Odin on a trashy metal album. All the things that Manowar haters say about this band, I say about this album, because it kills my patience to the point that we're all now on the same page.

9.) "The Blood of Odin" 3:57: I **** you not, this is the second of four songs with "Odin" in it. One of which is just called "Odin". I'm curious how they decided that "Odin" was just so much more about Odin than all the other Odin songs that it deserved to be called simply "Odin".

It's been three songs since a non-into/outro/ballad, and I'm praying for some ass kicking. I'm just getting more of that narrator dude talking about Odin. There's some drumming going on (like those heavy bass drums in an orchestra, not "band drums").

God damn it, two minutes in and nothing yet. Are you ****ing kidding me? Another intro followed by an intro? **** you, Manowar. I want to punch someone.

Oh, and this is about how Odin gave his eye and got nailed to a tree in exchange for wisdom, which is actually a pretty bitchin' legend.

10.) "Sons of Odin" 6:24: Yay! A song. Possibly a good one too. Can't be sure yet. Doesn't seem like it's gonna be a classic, but I'll take what I can get at this point.

Meh. Not awful, but if this is the best they got then I'm in Just Waiting Until the Album Is Over mode.

It feels like they went back to the passionless, tepid rock/metal of Louder than Hell, but without any of the catchiness to make the mediocrity more enjoyable. Songwise, this really isn't any better than The Lord of Steel, and at least I didn't have to sit through twelve hours of intros for that album.

11.) "Glory Majesty Unity" 4:42: Intro? I hear wolves and bass drums. Now synths. Rain. Intro? Don't know. I'm now making the sign of the cross to protect myself against the evils of orchestral bull****.

****. Almost two minutes in and the narrator pops up again. This is an intro. At least there are only five songs left after this. I shouldn't have to say "at least there are only five songs left".

Lol. They're reciting the Warrior's Prayer after having fought some battle. Dear god, just end.

12.) "Gods of War" 7:26: This has to be a song. They can't follow a five minute intro with a seven minute one. Even Manowar aren't that stupid. It's the ****ing title track for Odin's sake.

Some kind of drumming, and orchestral singing that sounds more like a war march. Coolest thing by far on the album yet. Now if only the song that must be about to happen can liven up to that, then we might be in business for once.

Some actually epic orchestral ****, a slow guitar riff that's got some weight behind it, nice synths. I'm not willing to declare victory yet, but this is promising.

And of course it all stops so Eric Adams can talk.

Epic **** starts back up. Already three minutes in. WTF? This is cool and all, but this is not a song. Still the best thing off the album up till this point.

Then Eric starts talking again, and then the epic orchestral war march stuff starts again. So this is just what this "song" is. I'd honestly put this on a Manowar playlist though. If it were shorter it'd be good to put at the beginning, but maybe in the middle or at the end or something. Definitely too long.

13.) "Army of the Dead, Part II" 2:21: Oh look. The other one. Yay.

*insert derisive comment about boring, unnecessary, orchestral bull*****

14.) "Odin" 5:27: Three more songs. One of which is a bonus track that has nothing to do with the rest of the album. And I'm assuming the last proper track is an outro. There's no way Manowar would end this album without a boring outro. Honestly, I can't be sure this isn't also a boring outro that will then lead into the second boring outro.

Hey, Eric is singing. Song.

One of those heavy ballads that Manowar usually does so well, but unless I'm just fatigued after an hour of this garbage then this is ****. The song is almost done and has left almost no impression on me.

15.) "Hymn of the Immortal Warriors" 5:29: If this isn't an outro then I'm going to be totally surprised.

Hey, I think this might be a song. Might be a ballad. Blah, blah, blah, boring, blah, blah, blah, orchestral nonsense, blah, blah, blah, overblown, blah, blah, blah, somebody shoot me, blah, blah, blah, narrator, blah, blah, blah, this album is ****.

16.) "Die for Metal" (bonus track) 5:17: ****. Yes. Why the rest of the album isn't this awesome I have no idea. Clearly they have the ability to write awesome metal songs if they can still pump out one like this, and yet they tack it onto the end of the worst album they ever wrote as a bonus track. I don't understand that at all.

I've already listened to this song more times than I can count. It's one of the cheesiest songs they've ever written and it's amazing. I'm just going to add it at the end so you can partake of its brilliance.


Final verdict: I think there might actually have been more intros and orchestral garbage than actual Manowar songs on this **** heap, and the songs that are actually on here are so mediocre and unmemorable that I remember all the stuff around them more than what should have been the meat of the album, making it seem less like a cohesive listening experience than... I don't even know. Something that sucks. **** this album. I don't even have the energy to sum things up anymore cause Gods of War made me not care about life.


Seriously, don't get this album. Just steal "Die for Metal" off the internet and save yourself the aggravation.