Don

I've had a few requests for reviews, but instead of bringing back an old thread I'll post the reviews I've written so far here and other reviews people may suggest of any genre.


Now I Wanna Sniff Some Glue - The Ramones (Self Titled, 1976)

The sixth and shortest track off The Ramones highly influential first album remains one of the most popular tracks amongst Ramones fans. This is only justified because most Ramones fans were young teenagers who just listened to them so they could fulfill whatever angst they were coping with; they obviously don't care about the music

"Now I Wanna Sniff Some Glue" is one of The Ramones most controversial tracks. This is because the track is synonymous with getting high off inhalants. The lyrics just repeat this childishness over and over and of course the music here is like most of The Ramones music: fast, simple and ridiculously stupid.

There's no structure evident, clocking in at just 1:35, the track fails to even strike a chord at all musically. But as said before, The Ramones are more than about just the music; they're about immature lyrics repeating over and over again in an attempt be a cool role model for teenagers. The two drab chords underneath repeat, with an equally dull simple rhythm, almost endlessly to a point of irritation.

After the first short verse/intro there's a short breakdown section where it's just the hi-hat and doubled up vocals in unison. With two boring snare hits we get into a change in which four monotonous chords just descend. After this, the vocals start counting through to eight as if it was somehow making the solo section more distinct.

The solo section just utilises repetition of simple notes and advancing a scale. This is a failed attempt to try and get a head bangin' feel here.
The drums, bass and melody line are embarrassing which underly typical Ramones one note bass and guitar riffs.

After that it goes back into the boring four chord section and shortly comes back into the childish lyrics that started this mess: "Now I wanna sniff some glue, now I wanna have something to do, all the kids wanna sniff some glue, all the kids want something to do.”

Not only is this song completely atrocious from a lyrical and musical stand point, but the fact that in an attempt to parody teenage drug abuse, their message was presumably overlooked and of course it was an antonymous reality.

Of course, the fact remains that this song contributed to the highly influential status that The Ramones had with punk back in the 70's. But by todays standards the track serves primarily for a serve of laughter. Don't forget kids, its cool to wear Ramones t-shirts nowadays...

Rating: 1/10

Don

Hammer Smashed Face - Cannibal Corpse (Tomb of the Mutilated, 1992)

Opening one of the most popular CC albums, "Hammer Smashed Face" is a rampaging death metal assault from start to finish and signifies what's to come for the rest of the album.

The track starts off with short busts of staccatos from the guitar, drums and bass playing in unison maintaining an unsettling feel. This takes us into the main riff accompanied by insanely fast drum snare-hits interchanging with a slower on-the-beat rhythm. Underneath is the typical thrash/death metal heavy, low relentless power chords and distortion furthering the suffocating feeling evident throughout most CC songs and of course throughout death metal in general.

Before the first verse there's a short bass solo which acts as a nice and effective lead-up. Vocalist Chris Barnes sings in his typical low menacing undecipherable grunts, singing about typical offensive concepts. This is traditional death metal at its most purest form.

Underneath the non-apparent melody line (of course) are the typical buzz-saw like drums and quick, heavy arpeggios from the guitars. The riff in fact only comprises a few notes and repeats in quick cycles.

The first change is quite sudden and everything slows down. Next is perhaps the most interesting section of the track in which the singing stops and an interesting dark arpeggio riff maintains the focus. When it repeats, the drums are still playing the same slow rhythm but are now playing an 8/8 rhythm as opposed to the 4/4 rhythm used for the most part. This repeats in a lower melody as the singing begins again. Things then repeat as previously executed.

The next change has the guitars playing high pitched (traditional) bends on the beat once every measure. But this is shortly relived as we're cleverly taken into the intro section again and it's almost as if the song has begun again.

After this, there's an almost prog-esque riff which acts as a great lead up to what appears to be the chorus. The quick buzz saw drums return and we're quickly taken into the previous change section. But this is also shortly relived as we're taken into a repeat of an earlier section. It's almost hard to keep up with the amounts of changes here but ironically there's a tremendous use of repetition going on continuously.

Soon we once again hear the short intro bursts and that takes us into a slow breakdown section. The singing is now as fierce as ever using even lower grunts and snarls. Then the main riff returns which entails the fast rhythm once again and the quick abrupt change in speed here acts as a nice use of dynamics. But just when you thought you couldn't take any more changes, there once again is a change in tempo (a return of a previous link section) but this isn't after an extremely distinct high screeching snarl from Barnes, which perhaps signifies that the end is soon. After the return of the high-pitched -bends-section again, the intro then serves as an outro and the track ends as suddenly as it began.

Because of their fascination with cartoonish gore, Cannibal Corpse aren't really taken that seriously in the world of under ground metal, but because of their success with previous albums, CC still remain as a popular underground death metal band.

Hammer Smashed Face is perhaps the epitome of CC's music but the fact that it relies too much on repetitions of riffs the listener would probably be left stupefied if this was the first time they had ever heard death metal before. But of course, bands like these are an acquired taste and if you're a fan of death metal you would have obviously heard this song before. As for the technical proficiency of the members, there isn't much going on here, but what makes the band mainly so popular is the use of catchy memorable hooks and riffs. However, if one were to compare these riffs and rhythms to a prog-metal outfit (for example) then the comparison would almost be ludicrous.

Rating: 4/10

Don

Marquee Moon – Television (Marquee Moon, 1977)

Alright we all know how creative Television were and how revolutionary and groundbreaking their debut album Marquee was, but yet, the music has aged terribly like of course most 70's punk has. With all that influence-type nonsense out of the way, let's just analyse the track musically.

Now by aged, one usually means that listening to Television's music by todays standards is a bit lame. And of course, the ten minute epic title track is no exception. The main culprits for this connotation are the quirky vocals and the over the top use of consonant chords and melodies throughout the track. But does this really mean the track itself is completely terrible? Well, surprisingly: no. The track does have its up points which are catchy, fun and make for an enjoyable listen. But sadly, there are many problems with the track, but this doesn't take much away from the memorable moments.

The intro begins with Verlaine (guitars) playing solo in 4/4 a mid-tempo double-timed guitar riff comprising of two chords (which interplays major fourths) that hits on the first and third beats in the left channel. This immediately hits the listener with a lively mood and after four measures a trilled guitar pattern in the right channel acting as a counter melody, rides through the third and fourth beats in syncopation. After another four measures, interestingly, the bass makes its appearance on the fourth beat playing a two-note bass riff that surrounds the second and fourth beats. When the drums come in afterwards also on the fourth beat, the listener is hit with an hypnotic cluster of sound that is actually quite appealing and draws you in.

When Verlaine starts singing his trademark poetry (his load is big) the music starts to sustain noticeably with the use of repeating the aforementioned pattern. When the first change occurs, it seems almost forced and awkward with silly descending guitar notes as it links into slightly different melodies and tonal colour from the vocals. But pretty soon we're back into more of the same when verse two hits us, and after this there's more of the same tacked on changes.

The first guitar solo at 2:58 is followed by a nice use of dynamics with a short rest. The solo is a good one but short and perhaps a little tacky. When we reach verse three, the listener has probably had enough of the repetition already and is probably ready to drown.

The first major change utilises a break in the music but once again, the listener is hit with the same riff from the introduction. But this allows for Verlaine to let loose and start jamming but seems to get slightly carried away. Nevertheless, the solo has proven to be one of the great guitar moments in rock history. It concludes with silly ascending chords (which repeat almost childishly) that would probably cause the listener seizers if they were to listen to the track several times in a row.

After that annoyance there is a beautiful part on the keys played also by Verlaine and closer listens would reveal the interesting choice of notes and trills employed which is in stark contract with the guitars playing dissonant notes in syncopation in the background. After a powerful abrupt conclusion, it falls silent, and soon the drums kick in again playing solo for two measures, then joined by the bass. And we're once again brought back to the main riff which is identical to the intro except that the drums take the turn to come in first this time. After a final verse, things slow down, and you wouldn't even call it an actual outro, it's almost as if the musicians ran out of ideas and thought that the three minute jam session was enough to make this track a timeless classic. The sad thing, is that this has proven to be true by many critics, but not this one.

Rating: 3.7/10

bungalow

Who cares

boo boo

Goddamn you're a horrible critic, The Ramones review was horrible, you obviously missed the whole point of punk rock.

And the fact that you gave Canibal ****ing Corpse of ALL bands a more positive review than The Ramones and Television is very very very very very lame.

If you really are a critic, please quit.

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It's only knock n' knowall, but I like it

http://www.last.fm/user/kingboobs

DontRunMeOver

There are two things to mention here:

1. I really like the fact that in reviewing a song you've actually written about what is going on in the music, rather than a load of waffling about genre's and relevance to a music scene (i.e. writing about anything other than the music, which is a favourite pastime of music critics)
2. I find it bizarre that you've put up reviews for songs which you gave a max. score of 4/10 for. Why tell us about music you think is rubbish? How is that constructive? Yes, it might put us off listening to those few songs, but it only takes about 15 seconds of listening for someone to realise they don't like a song anyway. Please, in the future, write more positive reviews of music you would give 8/10, 9/10, 10/10 to.

EDIT: Were they reviews which other people had asked you to write? If so then ignore point number 2!

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bungalow

Bungalowbill's Reviews:

Don
Complete Shit

1/10

boo boo

Werd.

Don...You really have some nerve to give such a lousy review to a great song like Marquee Moon.

Now I Wanna Sniff Some Glue is also a great song, but oh wait it has a melody so nevermind, that song sucks ass.

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It's only knock n' knowall, but I like it

http://www.last.fm/user/kingboobs

Stone Magnet

Every Dream Theater record ever released
Drawn-out, self-righteous instrumental wankery coincided with horrendous vocals that conjointly could induce many severe cases of ear diarrhea.

(Are we allowed to go into the negatives?)/10

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Lock to field screen, row the ocean onto sentient ground.
New rites of a Vedic sun to attend the blue horizon.
Prevails flight resplendent, sails the shrine effulgent windship.
Stillness breathes apex supreme - I walk toward the mountain.

Crowns the sovereic rite to freedom.
Shored the origin forms to a ground accede.
Axiom core of the light shrine flight to shining.
Glows serene to attenuate the space and time.

DontRunMeOver

I'm almost worried now that I'll hear some Dream Theatre music soon (as a side effect of BooBoo's constant pro-prog prodding) and might like it.

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