Chizzle

what you guys think? comin outa Toronto our first official video.

someonecompletelyrandom

Hi guys, I was ready to delete your thread as spam when I noticed you were actually asking for our opinions about this video. That's fine, but self promotion or advertising is not. So, I've moved your original thread to the songwriter's forum. If you want to ask us about more of your videos or songs or lyrics in the future - post them here and here only please.

I'm going out on a limb here by assuming you want feedback and aren't just spamming. If you arent back within 24 hours I will delete this thread.

All that said, I hope you'll find other parts of our community enjoyable beside the songwriting forum. Good discussions on hip hop going on all the time, and we have a hip hop album club that's really fun.

Conan

Chizzle

Not spammin at all, though I am self promoting, want to know what people think of the video I dropped early January

someonecompletelyrandom

Alright, well we can't allow you to post links to your myspace, soundclick, etc. We also can't allow you to really "self promote" as joining the forum to promote your music is against the rules. We'll be happy to listen and tell you what we think but that's about it.

Chizzle

all im asking for thank you

djchameleon

I heard this guy before....his freestyle over Beamer, Benz, or Bentley was pretty tight....

I have mixed feelings about this song though I'll wait to see his official album drop before I judge his lyrics too much.

He does have a nice flow though.

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VEGANGELICA

Chizzle,

I liked the peaceful vibe of your song, which sounds like a bragging rap song with other ideas mixed in that were a little hard for me to figure out. For example, the song goes: "The whole world's singing that the top is my spot, I told you I'm here an' if I'm not." The first half of this chorus sounds like bragging, but I don't understand the significance of the last half of that chorus. Since the chorus is repeated so often, I really started to want to understand the significance of the second half of it. Why does the man tell someone whether he is at the top of the singing world or not?

I felt the rhyming was nice and I liked some of the more substantive lines. The lines that I liked best and will listen to more carefully the next time I listen are these:

(1) The part about the singer's (your?) mother saying "it's okay to vent." I agree with her that venting through writing and music is a very healthy way to understand yourself and your world better.

(2) "Taking anger and displacing it"--I didn't catch the whole line, but I want to hear more, because this line is interesting. Displacing anger is usually harmful to others; reworking the energy of anger into some constructive action is a very positive way to use anger and is something I do or try to do frequently.

(3) "Scars on facial." Heh heh -- I *had* wondered about the scars as I watched the video, so I liked hearing about them in the song, since my curiosity was then appeased a little.

Overall, Chizzle, I felt the song was well constructed with a good beat and nice rapping, though I didn't fully grasp the main intent of the song. "This is for my city"...makes me think the song is a supportive one, describing a rap singer's development into a rap artist, but I wasn't sure how it related to the city as a whole. And what was the phone call about? Just getting together to hang out with friends? I was confused. Maybe I'll figure it all out on a second viewing/listening, but I wanted to give you my impressions after my first listening.

Now, about the VIDEO:

It definitely seems professionally done with good sound quality and interesting images. Here's what I liked, disliked, and thought about while watching it:

(1) A black sports car. Cliche!

(2) The only woman in the video, if I recall correctly, is the one in the bed at the beginning! Aren't any of the friends shown later hanging out on the basketball court *women*? Are the men in the video just hanging out with men all the time, with no friends who are women? Are the mother and the girlfriend the only women in the life portrayed in the video?

Since usually my packs of friends I've spent time with during my life always had women and men, the absence of women friends (women who are just friends) in the video seemed odd to me, but maybe that's just what other people's lives are like.

(3) Do women REALLY sleep at night wearing eyeshadow and eye-liner and lipstick??? That seems unrealistic. Since she's the only woman in the video, I feel as if she were just included as a "prop" to prop up the man's low self-esteem, as often seems common in rap videos. Whenever I see women potentially used that way, I always feel this means that men portrayed in the video are quite weak, since they need to use others (women, slavish fans) and things (cars, cool clothes) to prop up their self-image. I think that is the opposite of the image you *want* to achieve through the video, so I thought I should mention it.

Was that white underwear in the first shot of the bed (at 0:28) supposed to be the woman's underwear? If so...NO NO NO NO NO!!!! If you have to show underwear to imply sex, at least make them be men's tighty-whities. Since a man is singing the song, putting a woman's underwear on display turns her into more of a sexual prop than a real person.

(4) I *loved* the dog chewing on the basketball and I wanted to see more of her or him! Dogs in videos = . Show more cute dogs, please. (I'm kind of half-joking here. I did like the dog, though. If I had made the video, I would have included more of the dog footage.)

(5) I liked how the three men on the Sesame-Street-like steps were drinking orange juice. If it was orange juice mixed with vodka, then I'd be disappointed, because the image of three men singing and happily sipping on plain orange juice is very appealing!

Your video now reminds me just a little of Dan Zanes' video "Jump up," which I saw on Sesame Street and loved. Both videos show scenes of people singing on the steps of old city apartment buildings. His video lacks a slinky woman in bed and what I assume was drug money exchange; your video lacks children and women in other contexts. I think the contrast between the "worlds" shown in the two videos is interesting:

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Phantom Limb

Dope song. I like it a lot.

TockTockTock

Sounds alright to me. Kind of sounds like other rap songs on the radio, though. Not sure if that's what you want. It's well put together for your first official video. You should really try more experimentation, but then again I'm just an elitist douche.

s_k

Allright, I absolutely don't like rap or hip-hop. I really can't listen to it.
And I haven't clicked this away immediately. Which is a big compliment, coming from me .

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