Sansa Stark

I agree with your previous feeling of having faith that that is not happening to you, that he really loves you and wouldn't play you for a sucker. And that he's going through some hurts that he can't process. And so he's lashing out at you sometimes and rejecting the love you are freely giving. And it just breaks my heart that you are experiencing that.

I further agree that if you feel too fragile and sick to have someone lean on you so heavily....then that is not wise....you can break a person like that if they feel fragile.

Just please soothe yourself whenever possible. I know that's the hardest thing to do...to love yourself fully. Because I wrestle with that concept like mad.

But you are worthy of that Hermione.

I'm sorry for the delay. Oh well gosh it is hard to tell if someone is playing you for a chump or not. And trust me I am full aware of that feeling.

But you asked earlier about my significant other and if she loved me or was happy with me or because of me. And I feel YES...I can really feel that she is. It's just our specific hurt area that seems to hurt very much.

So you run the risk of burning everything else down with one hurt area. And that's unfortunate.

But personally I don't feel you are a sucker at all. When you are trying to open yourself to love that is not being a sucker at all. That's being human. But I regret that you find yourself in a situation where you feel you are being made a fool of. I hate that feeling.

Being hard on the one you love equates being hard on yourself. I'm wondering if there's a root cause in his psyche? Has he discussed it?

Maybe he too is finding it hard to trust and open up. Because as you know the end result can be painful.

OH I didn't think of privacy issues....! I don't care really. I'm just sorry we each are having a tough time.

Oh hey, it's ok! I'm getting emotional too, thinking of the person I love. Because I want her to have the utmost joy in life. And I want that joy to be in part because of me. Because I've never loved anyone like her.

But if you are getting emotional we can always talk about this later :)

OF COURSE you are not a burden!!!

Just as the person you love is not a burden. And just as the person I love is not a burden.

I'm sorry you find yourself in a situation that makes you feel like a burden. I'm sorry that anyone has made you feel like a burden.

And then I'm sorry I've ever made anyone feel like a burden too.

It IS very hard to navigate matters of the mind and heart and not hurt people along the way.

I'm sorry Hermione :(

So the problem you run into is forcing yourself to only say what the other person wants to hear while struggling with trying to get what you need in return and in the end feeling like you are losing yourself in the process and being molded into something you are not.

It's tough. That's a tough situation. It's also one that we all find ourselves in at some point. I am in the same situation...feeling myself demanding a perfect kind of expression of love and also feeling at times that the things I do aren't good enough.

I don't think the guy you love is doing it on purpose. But he's being demanding and not seeing you fully as a person. And when you feel someone doesn't see you fully, then you feel as if you aren't as important or valued for who you are...

I feel I'm also doing that to the person I love, and now I'm feeling very bad :(

I have experienced doing that to people. As if the love has to be perfect. And also experienced it in return, that my love HAS to be expressed a certain way. And that is a hard situation and sadly it IS what happens nearly everytime. I think we as humans are very fragile and want to hear what we want to hear and nothing else. And it's not fair to ourselves or to the other person.

If you are saying to him, or trying your best to reflect a thought, like...I love you, you are a good person, I believe in you, you are perfect. And he just doesn't seem to want to accept it. Then he's wrestling with baggage issues of his own. You will have to do something very hard, which is listen to only what he is saying and get at the root of why he won't accept your praises. Because you're right some of this is bulldookie, but it's there for a reason. There will be a root cause, some way that someone has treated him in the past, and if you guys have hit a snag where you feel each other doing something that plays on each of your baggage then you are going to get to this moment where you feel that it doesn't matter what you say or do, that it is never good enough. And it doesn't matter how many times or how many ways you tell him how you feel, it won't get across.

This is what it's like to be in love :)

Yes, exactly that. I just feel...pressured I guess? i have a tendency to break all good things. I'm afraid of that. Sometimes I just can't help it, I get afraid and lash out and hurt the other person so much. This person I don't want to hurt because this person means everything in the world to me and is the last person on earth who deserves that hurt. I'm just afraid of trusting, I don't know. I don't know what else to do sometimes.

And that sounds more like me than you'd ever know!