Where have you been? I need advice :( :( :(

I have no idea, I think I just might be better off alone, I have caused so much damage to other people.

I think he does sometimes. I just hope he knows that when he does it means the world to me.
Thanks for being here to talk to, slappy :)

Oh well you know what I mean...I don't think any of us are 'perfect', but when you love someone, like you said you are available to them for support.

I hope he shows that he understands you Hermione, or at least TRIES to understand you.

And yes, it's hard for me too to just say "I need you."

Also I'm always just going to be sick, that wasn't my fault that I was born sick and I just want him to understand that he'll never be able to fix me and I don't want to be fixed, I just want to be loved and supported because I can deal with the sickness, except the few times I can't. I need to know he's going to be there for me when I can't, and only once has he ever done that for me. It's hard for me to say "I need you" rather than communicate it through lashing out or manipulation. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to say.

I don't really need him to say that though, you know? I already love myself and know that I'll never be perfect, some parts of me will always be ****ed up and mean but I know that I'm good at heart because the only person I've had is myself for so long. I couldn't hate her (me) because I had no one. What's there to hate? I can't always do the right thing but I try my best to do the right, conscientious thing and that's what's most important, don't you think?

And yeah, you really should try to tell the woman you love how important she is. Maybe she'd also feel a bit better about your whole situation.

And also if you're trying to reflect the good emotions you have about him...those concepts of him being perfect and having such goodness in him, and he doesn't reflect that back to you, and refuses to accept what you say...then that is hurtful.

You start to feel like the bad guy, like you're not good enough. And especially for some reason if he's not personally saying to you 'I believe in YOUR goodness and I see how perfect YOU are to me.'

I hope things turn around in those areas Hermione, I really do.

I feel bad for the ways I've reacted now in my relationship. Because I think I've done that to the person I love, and it breaks my heart. Because she IS perfect. She is the most wonderful person I've ever met, by far, there's just no comparison. I should say that more often :(

I guess it's like you said....when you look through all his bulldookie...do you see that he does love you and knows that you love him.

And you feel yes. So then even in his lashing out he must be counting on you very heavily.

And so you're feeling overwhelmed with that emotional responsibility and it doesn't help that he doesn't always accept what you say, and starts asking why why why and starts lashing back out at you.

I'm sorry Hermione! :(

These are indeed some rocky emotional waters to navigate with this person. It's a rough ride!

I am happy to have by my side someone who is wise and kind and understands. I want us to unite and soothe our hurt issues so they dont' threaten the rest of the relationship...and I want the same for you dear Hermione.

I agree with your previous feeling of having faith that that is not happening to you, that he really loves you and wouldn't play you for a sucker. And that he's going through some hurts that he can't process. And so he's lashing out at you sometimes and rejecting the love you are freely giving. And it just breaks my heart that you are experiencing that.

I further agree that if you feel too fragile and sick to have someone lean on you so heavily....then that is not wise....you can break a person like that if they feel fragile.

Just please soothe yourself whenever possible. I know that's the hardest thing to do...to love yourself fully. Because I wrestle with that concept like mad.

But you are worthy of that Hermione.

I'm sorry for the delay. Oh well gosh it is hard to tell if someone is playing you for a chump or not. And trust me I am full aware of that feeling.

But you asked earlier about my significant other and if she loved me or was happy with me or because of me. And I feel YES...I can really feel that she is. It's just our specific hurt area that seems to hurt very much.

So you run the risk of burning everything else down with one hurt area. And that's unfortunate.

But personally I don't feel you are a sucker at all. When you are trying to open yourself to love that is not being a sucker at all. That's being human. But I regret that you find yourself in a situation where you feel you are being made a fool of. I hate that feeling.