Trollheart

Apocalypse Now. ET. Singin’ in the Rain. A Nightmare on Elm Street. Just a few of the very, very, very many classic movies I have never seen. I was never a big movie-goer, and even in this age of Netflix, Sky Movies and on-demand video, I still prefer watching TV shows to movies, with the result that I have yet to see a shitload of movies you all have seen, and are considered classic.

So this is what I’m going to do through this journal.

Just like my Classic Albums one, I’ll be watching a movie (no frequency guaranteed, but hopefully one a week, or at best one every two weeks, maybe more if things work out) and then commenting on what I thought of it. There will be no review, no synopsis, just my own observations and input. Did I enjoy it? Was it acted well? Written well? Good direction (how the hell would I know)? Am I glad I watched it or was it a waste? Do I get it now or do I wonder why it’s so lauded as a classic? And so on. You know the deal: no need for me to go on at length.

I’ve consulted a list of 1000 movies you should see before you die, and needless to say, there was a huge percentage of those I have not seen. At the same time, there is a certain percentage of them I’m not interested in seeing, and won’t be watching. I’m sure most of you may think that list incomplete or even wrong, so feel free to suggest your own, pursuant to the conditions laid out below. Remember though, just because I haven’t seen a classic movie (or so-called classic) doesn’t mean I actually want to. There has to be something in it for me. Some I’m quite happy never seeing. Certain genres of movie turn me off and I have no interest in them. These include:

Slasher/torture porn, so no Saw or Texas Chainsaw Massacre, please

Screwball comedies/lowbrow humour, so no Meet the fucking Parents or Porkys or The Hangover or American Pie, or any of that shit.

Really scary horror/suspense. This is a tricky one. I will watch some horror, but very dark psychological horror, the kind of thing that is likely to prey on my mind and give me nightmares, is out. So no, for instance, The Ring, no Repulsion, no zombie or Living Dead movies and definitely no fucking Exorcist.

David Lynch and the like: I know, I know, but I really doubt I would understand his movies, and I have no real wish to see Naked Lunch, Eraserhead and all that guff. In a very general way, I want to watch movies I can at least understand or get a grip of.

Not crazy about light romantic comedies, but I can take some. Actors I will not wish to see in movies include Adam fucking Sandler, Ben Stiller, Jennifer Aniston, Hugh poxy Grant, and others of that nature.

Also not mad about musicals, particularly the old Hollywood ones, but sure you never know.

World Cinema or “foreign” movies are fine, as long as they have subtitles and I can read them.

Overall, my tastes run generally (but not exclusively) to
Science Fiction/Fantasy (duh!)
Westerns
War movies
Political thrillers
Biopics (some, not all)
Historical
Comedy (to a point)
Horror (very much to a point)
Mystery/suspense

I’m also not overfond of Superhero movies: too damn much like each other as far as I can see. There are exceptions, of course.

Anyway, in the final analysis the choice is mine. Anyone who wishes can suggest or rec up to five movies, but they must be considered classics; don’t just suggest them because you like them. Also, they should, ideally, be something I would enjoy watching, so don’t suggest movies you’ll know I’ll hate. As I say, I have the final say, and I am under no obligation to take your suggestion, though I will try to give all recs due consideration.

Finally, no “what? You haven’t seen film X? How is that possible?!!” Just accept it. I said at the beginning I’m not a big film buff, and I know there are hundreds, thousands, who knows, even millions of movies I should be expected to have seen, but have not. Don’t waste time staring in amazement at my list. It’s all true, so deal with it.

I’ll give those who wish to a week to submit their movies. Please check the list below and don’t suggest ones that are already on it. However, if you think I’ve chosen a bad movie to put on the list do let me know. This will be an ongoing project, among all my other work, so be patient. When the list is complete I will select a movie from it randomly each time and work on that. So one of yours could come before one on the official list, or you could be left waiting. If someone really wants me to do a movie, I will consider it, so let me know. Please try to give some sort of justification for the movie(s) you’re suggesting, other than just “you have to see this, man”. And if you take offence because I decide not to accept your rec, feel free to fuck off.

All right then, before we start rolling, time to start getting your recs in.

RECS ARE NOW CLOSED! PLEASE DO NOT SUGGEST FURTHER MOVIES. MY LIST IS NOW COMPLETE. THANKS.


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THE LIST

12 Years a Slave
A Nightmare on Elm Street
A Passage to India
A Room with a View
A Star is Born
Akira
Alien
All Quiet on the Western Front
An American in Paris
An American Werewolf in London
Apocalypse Now
The Artist
Avatar
The Aviator
Barry Lyndon
Battle of Algiers
Battleship Potemkin
Ben-Hur
The Big Sleep
Black Narcissus
Black Orpheus
Black Swan
Boyhood
Breakfast at Tiffany’s
The Bridge on the River Kwai
Brief Encounter
A Brighter Summer Day
Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Garcia
Brokeback Mountain
Broken Blossoms
Bullet in the Head
Carrie
Chariots of Fire
Children of a Lesser God
Cinema Paradiso
Clerks
A Clockwork Orange
The Color Purple
Come and See
Cool Hand Luke
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
The Crying Game
Dangerous Liaisons
The Dark Knight
Das Boot
The Dead
Deliverance
The Departed
District 9
Do the Right Thing
Doctor Zhivago
Dog Day Afternoon
Double Indemnity
Dr. Strangelove
Dracula
Drive
Drugstore Cowboy
Easy Rider
The Elephant Man
Enter the Dragon
ET
Eyes Wide Shut
Fantastic Planet
Fatal Attraction
Frankenstein
From here to Eternity
Full Metal Jacket
Gandhi
Gaslight
Gentlemen Prefer Blondes
Get Out
Giant
Gigi
Glengarry Glen Ross
Glory
Gone with the Wind
The Graduate
The Grapes of Wrath
Gravity
Gunfight at the OK Corral
Halloween
Hard Boiled
Heat
Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer
High Society
How Green Was My Valley
How to Steal a Million
The Hurt Locker
If…
In the Heat of the Night
Inglourious Basterds
JFK
Kill Bill, Vol 1
Kill Bill, Vol 2
The Killer
The Killing Fields
Kramer vs Kramer
LA Confidential
Lawrence of Arabia
Life of Pi
Lincoln
The Lion King
Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
Lolita
Lost in Translation
The Lost Weekend
The Magnificent Ambersons
The Manchurian Candidate
Marnie
The Masque of the Red Death
Meet Me in St. Louis
Metropolis
Midnight Cowboy
Moon
Mr. Smith Goes to Washington
Mutiny on the Bounty
My Own Private Idaho
Natural Born Killers
No Country for Old Men
North by Northwest
Notorious
Now, Voyager
Oldboy
On the Waterfront
One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest
Ordinary People
Out of Africa
Pan's Labyrinth
Paris, Texas
Phantom of the Opera
Phantom Thread
Philadelphia
Philadelphia Story
The Pianist
The Piano
Picnic at Hanging Rock
Playtime
Psycho
Pulp Fiction
Rain Man
A Raisin in the Sun
Raising Arizona
Rear Window
Rebecca
Rebel Without a Cause
Reservoir Dogs
The Revenant
Ronin
Salvador
Saving Private Ryan
Scarface
Schindler’s List
The Searchers
Se7en
Seven Samurai
Sex, Lies and Videotape
Shaft
Shane
Shine
The Shining
Sideways
Singin’ in the Rain
Slumdog Millionaire
The Social Network
Spirited Away
Stagecoach
Stand by Me
Strangers on a Train
Straw Dogs
A Streetcar Named Desire
The Sting
Strictly Ballroom
Sunset Boulevard
Terms of Endearment
The Thing
The Wild Bunch
Thelma and Louise
The Theory of Everything
There Will Be Blood
The Thief of Baghdad
The Thin Red Line
The Third Man
The Thirty-Nine Steps
They Live
Three Colours: Blue
Three Colours: Red
Three Colours: White
Titanic
To Have and Have Not
To Kill a Mockingbird
Touching the Void
True Grit
Vertigo
Wall-E
War Horse
West Side Story
Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?
White Heat
Wings of Desire
Y TU Mama Tambien

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Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018