Twilight Tales from the Outer Limits of the Darkside
 

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If there's one thing I really enjoy it's a good anthology show. Series like The Twilight Zone (already featured here), The Outer Limits, Tales from the Crypt, Black Mirror, Monsters... can't get enough of them. But some are without question better than others, and almost every one of these series has its bad episodes. So which is better? Which is the best? Well, there's really only one way to find out, isn't there?

So I've undertaken to watch selected episodes from, so far, twenty different anthology series and compare them against each other. Series range from science fiction, speculative fiction and fantasy to horror, and everything in between. Some of them I had never even heard about, never mind seen, before I began this journal. Over the course of the project so far I've come across some absolute gems whose existence I was entirely unaware of, as well as some with so many turkeys they could probably supply the whole eastern seaboard for Thanksgiving.

Episodes are taken at random, using a random number generator, so even the series seen as being the best - the likes of your Twilight Zones, Outer Limits, Black Mirrors etc - may stumble at times if I happen to select a bad episode. This will make it fairer and more equitable, as otherwise I could just go straight to the best episodes of each that I know will score high, and tip the balance unfairly in their favour.

The format? Glad you asked. Oh, you didn't ask? Well I'm going to tell you anyway.

There will be three separate section, with the third one broken into two parts. Why you ask? Wait till I tell you, I answer. Don't be so impatient. Section one is called "The Classics", for obvious reasons, and will feature the shows I, and probably you, know best; the ones already established in this era and the ones that I can, hopefully, reasonably expect to reward me the most with more good than bad episodes.

Section 2 is called "Ye Lesser Mortals " (shut up) and features shows I know of, or have seen the odd episode of, which have been running for some time and can be seen in one way to be nearly the descendants of the classics. Sort of.

Section 3 is "New Kids on the Block" and covers all the other shows, mostly the newer ones, ones which only began in the twenty-first century. Because I have more shows of this type than in the other sections, I've split this into two separate parts, as I mentioned above (see? I told you I'd explain it if you just waited).

Each section will feature fairly detailed synopses of an episode from each show, with my own comments and a rating. At the end of the round the shows will be ranked and then fit into a chart, which will show which of the series impresses me the most, which is at the top, and over the course of a few rounds it will be interesting to see if the positions are maintained or not.

Comment as usual is invited, but not that much expected. At worst, it should hopefully provide an entertaining read, and might bring back memories of certain shows to some of you. For others, it may encourage you to try out some of the shows here, and for still others, give you a reason to roll your eyes and stick on your headphones and shake your head in a "he's at it again, for the love of all that's holy, when will he stop?" kind of way. Spoiler: answer is - never.

Okay then, I can't resist using an obvious pun so
Let's get this show on the road.

"Doo-doo-doo-doo Doo-doo-doo-doo" etc...
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ROUND ONE, SECTION I: THE CLASSICS


Title: “Shades of Guilt”
Series: The Twilight Zone
Season: 1 (Second reboot)
Year: 2002
Writer(s): Ira Steven Behr

Storyline: A man who refuses to help a black man who is being pursued by attackers at night, and drives off and leaves him to his fate awakes the next morning with unexplained pain, manifesting itself in cuts and bruises on his body. He then sees in the newspaper (it’s like a printed, solid form of the internet kids: work it out) that the man he left to be beaten up was in fact beaten to death. He’s now wracked with guilt, literally. The pains continue and get worse, but now he starts to exhibit a more frightening outward sign: his skin is darkening, and he’s becoming a black man. Not only that: THE black man, the same one he left to die. Oh, you can see it already can’t you? I bet some of his last words are “I’m not black! Don’t kill me!” or something along those lines. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves here. His wife doesn’t recognise him (duh) and his dog attacks him and as he runs out of his house his neighbour, who of course does not recognise him either, shoots at him,as you Americans do.

The cops are soon after him, and old Matt McGreevy begins to find out what life as a black person is like. Taxis won’t stop, his credit card is no good, people look suspiciously at him. He has the perhaps not entirely brilliant idea of going to the house of the dead man, John Woodrell, and looking as he does his, or rather, Woodrell’s brother can’t believe it’s not him. He asks to speak to his, that is, Woodrell’s wife, hoping that if she can understand, if she can forgive him, he may change back. The brother is dubious, also disgusted when McGreevy says that if he had known John Woodrell was a college professor he would have helped. As if that somehow makes a difference. But she can see through him. He’s not sorry, only desperate to be changed back. She asks him the most pertinent and damning question she can, and the only one that matters: if her husband had been a white guy, would he have helped him? McGreevy's silence is her answer and she turns away.

The end scene then plays out as you might expect. Wandering, friendless and persistently and knowingly black, he’s jumped by some white guys who kick the shit out of him, and when a white motorist happens upon them and he asks for help yadda yadda yadda. The ending writes itself. Oh no wait it doesn’t. My mistake. What happens is that the scene resets. He’s in Woodrell’s body, but kind of not, as it’s him in the car and this time he drives off but then changes his mind and comes back, saving Woodrell. And thereby himself. Okay, not that bad really if a little confusing.


Comments: All right, not quite what I had expected but I do have questions. One, what was John Woodrell doing out in the rain, walking so close to his own house if he knows, as he must, that the area is so bad? And how are the Woodrells able to live in such an obviously whites-only area? He doesn’t run far, so it’s not like he’s miles away when he’s attacked.

Second, at what point does the bodyswap reverse, as it were? When Woodrell is attacked by the skinheads, his demeanour is more McGreevy’s to me - okay he doesn’t say “I’m white”, so I was wrong there but he doesn’t act like he expects to be attacked. So when does time reset? Hard to suss it. I thought this was another white guy stopping for him, then realised it was McGreevy himself, but how can he be in two…

All right, my head hurts. I would have preferred to have seen him stuck as a black man and having to learn to live with that, see the world through other eyes. But the writer took the easy way out and gave us a happy ending. Meh. By now, walk in my shoes, see the world through my eyes, get a new perspective stories have been done to death, and while this has a certain charm it’s nothing new at all. I guess it got its message of “we’re all brothers under the skin” over tolerably well, though the writer does kind of bash you over the head with it. I thought it might have been more effective had the white guy not realised he was black, till he saw himself in the car mirror as he pleaded with another white guy to save him. Meh. Meh I say!

Rating: A -


Note: where I can get them I'll post videos of the episodes.

No, no need to thank me, honestly. Cash will do.

There is nothing wrong with your television. Do not attempt to adjust it. We are in control - what? We're not in control? Form 1775A? What form 1775A? Listen mate, I'm a fucking Controller, right? I don't have time for your bureaucratic red tape and bloody forms - what? Until I fill in the appropriate form I am not authorised to take control of anyone's television? Since when? Now just you look here a - hello? HEL-LO?

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Note: I see that there's talk of a second reboot being made this year. When/if that makes its debut I'll factor in those new episodes, but as my TARDIS is in the shop - again! - I have to wait until it's actually screened before I can talk about them.

Anyway...

Title: “Beyond the Veil”
Series: The Outer Limits
Season: 2 (Reboot)
Year: 1996
Writer(s): Chris Brancato

Storyline: Eddie Wexler has had enough of being abducted by aliens, so he decides to end it all, but is rescued by paramedics when he makes a 911 call. Taken to a psychiatric facility, the only one set up to deal specifically and solely with alien abductees, he meets another man there, who is called Quasgo and tells him that he too has been regularly abducted. He says there is a “traitor” in the place, an alien in human guise. Eddie becomes friendly with another abductee, a girl called Courtney. Eddie begins therapy; he’s told by the doctor in charge, Sherrick, that he will experience “hallucinations”, and he starts seeing aliens conducting experiments on him. But are these just hallucinations, or is something more sinister going on?

Well, it’s The Outer Limits: of course something more sinister is going on!

Dr. Sherrick is very brusque and unfeeling, seems to be pushing everyone and when he pushes Courtney Eddie stands up for her. Suddenly he sees the doctor as an alien. Nobody else seems to, though, and he’s quickly sedated. (Let me just throw my hat into the ring here: they’re ALL aliens, and he’s on a spaceship, maybe the last human left alive? Meh, probably wrong but there’s my guess. Or maybe he’s an alien and they’re trying to deprogramme him?)

Anyway Courtney visits him and gives him a piece of paper she has taken from Sherrick’s office, which seems to have alien writing on it. Quasgo tells him he’s not mad, despite what Sherrick says; there are aliens here, and they must expose them. Eddie decides to escape and take Courtney with him, but when they go to find Quasgo he seems to have killed himself. When Courtney is prevented from leaving due to the hold Sherrick has on her through her family, she ends up being killed in one of the sessions, and Eddie, furious, desperate and bereft, kills Sherrick, throwing him down a flight of stairs.

Then it turns out it wasn’t Sherrick who was the alien, but some other doctor guy who hasn’t featured in the programme in any way so far, and Eddie ends up in a loony bin. Jesus Christ.

Comments: Fucking awful. I thought I had it worked out (as I said above) but man was I wrong. The ending was terrible; a guy who hasn’t featured in the episode up to now is suddenly unmasked at the end, like a character shoe-horned in at the last minute in a bad mystery novel, and he’s the alien. What the actual blue jumping fuck was that about? How Chris Brancato, who wrote and created Narcos, Godfather of Harlem and First Wave could pen this drivel is beyond me. The cinematography was great, the atmosphere evoked, the tension built up but in the end it all fizzled into less than a damp squib and left me feeling completely betrayed and pissed off that I wasted my time watching this. I could have written four better endings, and in fact now I have an idea for a story based around a similar theme.

Rating: C (if I could do a C- I would, but I don’t do those. This was a turd).

Luckily for you, no video available. :rolleyes:

WARNING! If you watch this one there is a lot of sexual content and literally full frontal nudity in it. Be warned. Or, you know, not. ;)

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Title: “On a Deadman’s Chest”
Series: Tales from the Crypt
Season: 4
Year: 1992
Writer(s): Larry Wilson

Storyline: Danny, the cocksure frontman of rock band Exorcist hates the fact that his bandmate, Nick, has got married, and wants the new wife out. His groupie girlfriend shows him her snake tattoo, which appears to be alive, as it sticks out a tongue at him (don’t ask me from where; use your imagination or watch it) and tells him the guy who did it is a “magician”. She’s going to introduce him to Danny, and takes him to a strange backstreet tattoo parlour on the wrong side of the tracks. The girl leaves him and Danny enters the place alone, but can’t find anyone until a big guy appears. He sneers at Danny when he says he wants a tiger; the tattoo artist says everyone’s skin has a story to tell, and his talent is to bring it out onto the surface.

Danny isn’t best pleased though when the tattoo is finished, as it depicts Scarlet, the new wife of his bandmate, and some sort of dragon thing. He storms out, furious and aghast. The tattoo guy watches him as he departs, refusing to hand over his money. He smiles “You’ll pay later.” On his return, Danny argues with Scarlet and then with his groupie girlfriend (I think she may be called Vendetta? Not sure), accusing her of setting him up with the tattoo artist, though she swears she had nothing to do with it. She then helps him get it removed, but it comes back, and seems to come to life.

Vendetta (let’s just call her that for handiness’ sake, okay?) tells him ominously that if he gets rid of Scarlet for real the tattoo may vanish, and as she has already intimated to him that Nick, the guitarist and the real force behind Exorcist, is thinking of going solo, he gets even more angry at her, while at the same time trying to patch things up with Nick. Then he goes and brutally murders Scarlet. Later, he seems to see the tattoo bleeding, reflecting Scarlet’s bleeding face as he killed her, then on stage it seems to be swelling, rising within his chest as if something is trying to get out…

… and then a dragon bursts, Alien-like, out of his chest. Well of course it does. Except maybe it’s in Danny’s mind, because when Nick, having heard that his wife has been murdered by the singer, bursts into his room, Danny has carved out the piece of skin that had Scarlet’s face on it and is holding it in his hand, with a big gaping hole in his chest. Right. Always said tattoos were a bad idea.

Comments: Pretty stupid really. I mean, yes, at the end it’s left up to you as to whether all the pulsing, changing and eventually the emergence of the dragon was in Danny’s mind or whether it actually happens, though given that there’s no corpse of a dragon in the room one would assume the former. It’s a pretty poor stereotypical look at a rock band, with Danny on the edge really from minute one and just plunging further down the rabbit hole into madness, and there’s no reason given for why Vendetta hates Scarlet and encourages Danny to kill her, other than that she just hates her. Poor writing, and a very stupid ending.

And here was me, thinking it was going to be about pirates...

Rating: B-

"Man lives in the sunlit world of what he believes to be reality. But, there is, unseen by most, another world, just as real but not as brightly lit. A darkside."

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Title: “Red Leader”
Series: Tales from the Darkside
Season: 3
Year: 1987
Writer(s): Edithe Swensen

Storyline: A sleazy real estate broker is not exactly crying over the death of his partner, or ex-partner in the firm. Jake got into debt and Alex “helped him out” with a loan, which ended up handing all of Jake’s stock to his partner. Now that he’s dead, Jake’s widow has nothing. All her stock, held through her husband, is gone, her car has been repossessed and there is no windfall coming to her. She’s hardly heartbroken either: she admits she only married Jake for his cash, and now that he’s gone and she’s lost everything, she turns her charm on Alex, but he’s not interested, knowing the kind of woman she is.

After she’s gone, the building starts to shake. Earthquake? But no: a drill starts to pound through the floor and there’s an unearthly red light coming through the crack it’s making. A moment later, Jake steps out of it, looking somewhat the worse for wear, and tells Alex he’s escaped from Hell, though only temporarily. He’s come looking for the books - the right books, not the ones Alex and he showed IRS when audited. The real deal, that shows what crooks they both are. He needs these, in order to gain the respect he believes he’s due Down Below, and in order to rise through the ranks and become what he calls a Minion, which we can only assume is a sort of lieutenant or manager. There’s a big construction gig going on down there right now, and he’s not being trusted with any of the big stuff. He wants to show Satan that he has the right - or perhaps that should be the wrong - stuff.

Alex isn’t too keen though. He’s done some shady deals with Jake over the years, and he doesn’t want those broadcast all over Hell. He refuses, trying to shoot Jake, but then, Jake is already dead, so that doesn’t exactly work out. Then it seems Jake’s time is running out, as a real Minion arrives and starts to drag him back. Seeing his chance, Alex throws his ex-partner under the bus, laying all sort of good deeds at his feet, trying to make out that he was a good guy, and does not deserve any sort of promotion in the ranks of evil.

While they’re arguing, another man appears, this one called, with appropriate awe and reverence by the Minion, Red Leader. Of course this is the Devil himself and he reveals that Jake did not escape, Red Leader let him go in order to provide him the opportunity to meet with Alex. Oh yes, Red Leader is very interested in Alex Hayes! He offers him a top job, authority over millions, plenty of opportunity to skim, but Alex isn’t fooled. He doesn’t, he says, belong in Hell and as he’s still alive this Red Leader can’t take him against his will. Red Leader leaves, but he assures Alex he will be back. When he’s gone Jake’s widow enters and, seeing the gun Alex had tried to shoot Jake with, picks it up and shoots him, and kicks him into the hole which leads down to Hell. So it looks like he’s going to be taking that job after all!

Comments: Ah yes! This is more like it! I can’t believe that, of all the anthology shows, the one I rate least has come up with, so far, the best episode. I never have time for Tales from the Darkside, but I have to admit they pulled it out of the bag with this one. Some ****ty acting, definitely - Jake’s reappearance from Hell doesn’t even faze Alex; he never once says I must be dreaming or anything, and when the widow comes back she remarks on the hole in the ground, yes, but basically ignores it after that. Plus what is it with that door? It sounds so loud and ominous, like a door on the Enterprise turned up to ten! But overall, a good morality tale, and not entirely predictable. I like the nod back to A Christmas Carol when Red Leader tells Alex “You’ve been working on your resume for some time now.” Class.

Stories utilising damnation and the Devil can’t, even by the 1980s or 1990s, be said to be anything like original, but this one is handled in a semi-original way, sort of looking to the corporate world as the embodiment of Hell, so kudos on that. Everyone bar the widow works well. Jake, as the eternal second-rate guy wanting to lord it over his own empire, being in his wheelhouse for once; the Devil (Red Leader) working out the details of his offer to Alex, even the Minion who goes after Jake, all very good. The widow almost lets it down; of them all she’s the only one really serious. Even Alex can’t keep a straight face. Good interaction. The idea of using Hell as a place where the more evil you are the more promotion you can earn is a clever one, and using goodness as a way of “losing the interview” is good.

Rating: A+

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Title: “Nosedive”
Series: Black Mirror
Season: 3
Year: 2016
Writer(s): Charlie Brooker, Rashida Jones, Michael Schurr

Storyline: In a world of the - probably not too distant - future, Lacie, like everyone, is obsessed with rating on phone apps, and getting ratings. Everyone wants to be rated five stars, and most are. The quest for positive feedback consumes the lives of everyone on Earth, but this of course is a two-edged sword. Get enough negative feedback and you are toast. One of Lacie’s co-workers, Chester, is being ostracised for his breakup, with everyone “on the side of” the other party, and nobody is rating him. He’s slipped to a score of 3.1, unheard of and socially really dangerous in this image-important world.

Lacie wants to move to an upscale area, but the high price tag is off-putting, However, if she can raise her rating to 4.5 she will get a discount. This won’t be easy though and she will have to start moving in more rarefied circles to meet the “quality people” she needs to “boost” her rating in time to meet the requirements for her new house. Her chance comes when her old friend Naomi, now a model or actress or something, invites her to be her maid of honour. She knows that there will be all top A-listers at the wedding, and although her brother reminds her that she and Naomi were less than friends when younger - Naomi was very mean to her and slept with her boyfriend - she can’t turn down this chance and so pretends he doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Hell, the girl lives on her own private island! Getting to 4.5 will be a breeze!

Ah but maybe not. Things start to go wrong for her as soon as she leaves her house. She bumps into a woman, who immediately gives her one star (the horror!) and then at the airport her flight is cancelled, and losing her temper and using profanity gets her docked until she’s at 3.1. There’s not only no way she can’t fly now, she is instructed by airport security to leave the airport! So now she has to rent a car, but because of her reduced rating she can only get a piece of crap. Still, at least she’s on her way. Until the car’s battery runs out and she discovers that it’s such an old car that the charging station doesn’t fit it. She then has to hitch-hike and nobody will pick her up as she is now down to 2.8. Eventually a truck driver stops - she’s 1.4, and for a moment Lacie considers not taking the lift, but she does and the trucker, a woman called Susan, tells her how she lost faith in this whole rating system, how empty and hollow it revealed itself to be, and how she no longer gives a damn about ratings.

Naomi calls Lacie and tells her not to come to the wedding as she’s now only a lowly 2.6. This was not unexpected by me, but Lacie seems to be surprised. She decides to go ahead and crash the party anyway, wanting to deliver her speech in order to get the votes she needs. Of course it all goes wrong: she’s downvoted to zero, especially when she picks up a knife and has to be arrested and thrown in jail. There, bereft of the cameras in her eyes (were there cameras in her eyes? I think there were cameras in her eyes) and her phone, she is free finally to tell people what she really thinks about them, not what she thinks they want to hear; free to think, rather than just rate, to actually express her opinion without the fear of what it will cost her.

Comments: Black Mirror is seldom less than wonderful, and this is another case in point. Brooker shows us in all its stark, naked, supremely stupid reality the kind of world we’re heading for, where our consumerist, image-conscious, ratings-obsessed slavery to social media ends up dumbing down the human race till all we are in the end is a statistic on someone else’s phone. People are now discriminated not by colour or race, but by rating. Shows you how empty, hollow and really faceless and grey Facebook and Instagram and all that **** really is. I hated this for the image it portrayed of society, or rather for showing me the truth, but I loved it for the very same reason. If there’s one man who tells it like it is and does not give a ****, it’s Charlie Brooker. Excellent story, even if the behaviour of the characters made me grind my teeth. I imagine I was supposed to.

Slightly disappointed in the ending: A bit downbeat but with a clever and important message. I would have liked to have seen Lacie spill out Naomi’s secrets and that resulting in all her friends downvoting her, making her as miserable and as much an outcast as Lacie, perhaps losing her husband.

Rating: A++

So we've completed the first section in round one. Time for analysis. Who said I was anal? You take that back!

You would think, from what I’ve written so far, that it would be obvious which is going to be first, and maybe it is, but I want to judge these under several criteria, which I’ll list below. After all, a really crappy episode might have something to recommend it, and might be able to rise above poor writing if, say, it had a really great twist or something. I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about, so normal service resumed. Here are the criteria under which I’ll be judging all episodes and getting their ranking. All will be scored from 0 to 10.

Story: Obviously, the most important point; was the story good? But this will be broken down then into

Plot twists? Were there any? Were they good? Did they take me by surprise, and were they believable?

Setting: Was it just a story set on Earth or did the writer go for a more out-there locale (other planet/dimension/time etc)?

Ending: Regardless of plot twists, or the absence of them, did the story end well? After all, sometimes a plot twist won’t save a ****ty story. Sometimes it can make it worse.

Enjoyment factor: Simple enough: did I enjoy the story overall?

Originality: Was this a reworking of a popular theme, or one that has been done before? Was it even a copy or version of, or tribute to an earlier story?

Humour: Was there any? Humour can sometimes make an otherwise bad story seem acceptable, but then again if used badly it can just make it worse. For this reason, there are minus scores here too, for when the humour is totally inappropriate, used badly, or just ends up detracting from a bad (or good) story.

Star quality: Not always an indication of a brilliant episode, but the addition of well-known actors and actresses can change how well a story is received.

Supporting character(s): Did they work well? Did they complement the main character? Did they add to the story or would it have been better off without them? Did they actually make it worse?

Predictable? Does what it says on the tin: could I work out pretty early in the story how it was going to end, and was I right?

Innovation: Did the story use any new or interesting concepts, or approach things in a way I have not seen before?

Message: Was there a clear message in the story, and was it put across well?

Loose ends: Were there any, or was the story tied up neatly at the end?



So that’s a possible total of 130 (13 criteria with a maximum of 10 each). Let’s see what the data, as they say, shows us.

“Shades of Guilt” (The Twilight Zone)

Story: 7

Plot twists? 5

Setting: 0

(Any story set on Earth in our time gets the lowest rating)

Ending: 5

Enjoyment factor: 5

Originality: 1

Unless something is a complete rip-off I won’t give it a 0, but this is too close to so many other stories.

Humour: 0

Star quality: 0

Supporting character(s): 3

Predictable? 3

Innovation: 0

Message: 5

Loose ends: 10

Total: 44

“Beyond the Veil” (The Outer Limits)

Story: 4

Plot twists? 2

Setting: 0

Ending: 2

Enjoyment factor: 2

Originality: 0

Humour: 0

Star quality: 0

Supporting character(s): 1

Predictable? 10

This is the only high score I’m giving this episode, in that I could not figure out how it was going to end. Even if it was a **** end, it certainly was not predictable.

Innovation: 0

Message: 0

Loose ends: 10

Total: 31

“On a Deadman’s Chest” (Tales from the Crypt)

Story: 3

Plot twists? 5

Setting: 0

Ending: 0

Enjoyment factor: 3

Originality: 10

Humour: 1

Star quality: 10

You have the late Heavy D, Greg Allman, Steve Jones of the Sex Pistols and heavy metal axeman supremo Rudy Sarzo. And Tia Carrere. That’s some line up. And even they couldn’t save this from being the turd it is.

Supporting character(s): 6

Yeah, Vendetta is the device by which Danny ends up at the tattoo parlour, Heavy D as the tattoo guy is all right though not that effective. His parter Nick isn’t that much a part of it, but his wife Scarlet is. And Allman puts in a decent performance as the put-upon promoter. Plus Sarzo’s shredding slays.

Predictable? 10

Innovation: 10

Message: 0

Loose ends: 10

Total: 68

“Red Leader” (Tales from the Darkside)

Story: 10

Plot twists? 7

Setting: 0

Ending: 8

Enjoyment factor: 10

Originality: 8

Humour: 10

Star quality: 0

Supporting character(s): 8

Predictable? 6

Innovation: 6

Message: 0

Loose ends: 10

Total: 83

“Nosedive” (Black Mirror)

Story: 10

Plot twists? 10

Setting: 8

Ending: 8

Enjoyment factor: 10

Originality: 10

Humour: 3

Star quality: 0

Supporting character(s): 5

Predictable? 10

Innovation: 10

Message: 10

Loose ends: 10

Total: 104



So the current rankings are as follows:



In fifth place The Outer Limits

In fourth place The Twilight Zone

In third place Tales from the Crypt

In second place Tales from the Darkside

And in first place Black Mirror.

Analysis:

The Outer Limits: Interesting to see the old stager being last. I was never a complete fan of The Outer Limits (much prefer The Twilight Zone) but even so, I had expected the show would perform better right out of the gate. Mind you, it was a terrible episode, so maybe we won’t be too hard on the series until we see how it does in future battles.

The Twilight Zone: Quite surprised to see this down so far. I wasn’t entirely impressed with the story but I did think the series would have made a better showing. It just shows that sometimes things like innovation and originality, even star power can push an episode higher than it perhaps deserves. I nevertheless expect this show to do better in future.

Tales from the Crypt: And I thought this one would be much lower, as I rated it a lot lower myself, but again as I say in the section above, certain elements were in its favour. We’ll see if this continues to be the case as we go on.

Tales from the Darkside: Very surprised this is so high, as I have never rated this show, but I have to admit, sometimes they come up with gold, and this was one of those times. Held its own better than I had expected. Will it continue to surprise me? Stay tuned.

Black Mirror: No surprise though that this won, the only slight bemusement being in the fact that it didn’t wipe the floor with the competition. I’d almost always expect this show to come top, though if it comes up against some of the classic Twilight Zone episodes it might have a battle on its hands! Oddly though, here the valiant opponent was Tales from the Darkside! Who would have thought?


Margins are not all that huge either. We have 31 plays 45 plays 68 plays 83 plays 104. That’s only 14 points between fifth and fourth, though a larger gap between fourth and third, 23 points, while it’s tighter between third and second, only 15, but still a good 21 points between second and first.

So for now, Black Mirror reigns, but not exactly supreme. Tales from the Darkside is coming up behind it. There’ll be no opportunity for it to get past until the second battle, but I do wonder if Brooker’s show will hold its own after we run section two?

All right then, time to move on.


ROUND ONE, PART II: YE LESSER MORTALS

Shows covered here

Tales of Tomorrow
Monsters
Amazing Stories*
Are You Afraid of the Dark:
Night Gallery
Creepshow:
Dimension 404**

Both Creepshow and Night Gallery presented me with a problem, as each use a two or three tale per episode format. I didn't think it would be fair to put up more than one episode against one of the others, and anyway, which one would I focus on? I could have a really good one and a really bad one, and how would I work that out? So in the end I decided just to choose one segment from an episode, which is how I've gone for it here. Those segments will be shorter than the other shows' episodes yes, but as any girl will tell you, size is not everything.

What? When did this happen? Why was I not told???

* I see there has been a reboot of this, so I will be covering both if they come up on the RNG

** This only had six episodes so won't last long, but we'll include it for as long as it lasts.

Title: “The Miraculous Serum”
Series: Tales of Tomorrow
Season: 1
Year: 1952
Writer(s): Theodore Sturgeon, from a story by Stanley G. Weinbaum

Storyline: Dr. Dan Scott, a biochemist, believes he has invented or discovered a serum which, using the human pineal gland as its basis, is able to repair any defect in or damage to the body. He’s been trying it on animals but now he wants a human subject. His boss, head of the hospital in which he works, is dubious; apart from anything else, patients have rights, and Dr. Barker can’t authorise anyone to be used in an unproven clinical trial! When a girl is dying, with no hope, he decides what the hell, might as well. Can’t do any harm. He secures Carol’s permission and the serum is injected into her.

She’s very quickly no longer dying, very much alive and up and about. Hands up anyone who thinks this is not going to go horribly wrong? Of course, Carol has been said to be “adapting”, and she’s adapted all right: to the discarding of morals and manners. She saw someone with money, she needed it, so she stole it. There’s no sense of ethics here, no understanding of the concepts of right and wrong. Not only that, she’s stronger than ever, able to touch Barker’s hot pipe (ooer!) without so much as flinching or sustaining any burns. Barker is afraid that Carol is now progressing, regressing, evolving or devolving towards complete amorality and selfish need, coupled with super strength and no concern for others. This does not sound like a good combination. He wonders if an operation might sort it, but Carol is having none of it, and makes it clear Barker had better not stand in her way. Scott is less worried, and can’t see the danger his boss can.

Carol escapes and we hear that she is getting into the top levels of government in her search for power. She comes back, tries to entice Scott to go with her, help her in her quest for world domination, but he is aghast and she coldly leaves him. The two men discuss knocking her out with gas so that they can take her to their hospital and perform the experiment which will (they hope) return her to normal. And it does. The end.

Comments: I don’t know if they’re all like this, but it’s weird to see the show sponsored by a watch company, and then spend nearly three minutes blatantly advertising their product. Quite annoying actually, very cheap. But I guess that’s how it was back then. I do find it funny that in the very first scene Barker buzzes his intercom and asks his secretary to find Dr. Scott, and literally a second later he bursts in to the office. Later, when the girl is dying, he does the same, this time sending a nurse, and again seconds later he’s there! What, was he waiting outside to be called, serum in hand? I also find it amusing that the serum is injected, and then Barker says he can’t hear her heart, but then he can, and he exclaims “She’s alive!” Well, yes: she was alive a moment ago. It’s not like she’s been brought back from the dead or anything. A little early to be celebrating and congratulating his colleague I think!

I must say, at its heart this is a horribly misogynistic story. Its underlying message - in fact, to hell with underlying: it screams it in hysterical huge red letters ten feet high! - is “don’t let women get any sort of control or they’ll ruin the world!” Nobody considers that what Carol had in mind for the world might have been good? And why had the subject to be a woman? Wouldn't a man, bent on power, have worked just as well? And be more likely to have been affected in that way? Really, quite bloody awful I have to say. Not impressed. As for the experiment to turn her back: they had no idea whether it would work or not, but the unspoken moral is that if it killed her, it would still have been preferable to allowing her to continue to become what she was turning into.

I hope that fucker with the watch company isn’t in every episode or I’ll end up getting very annoyed. THREE god-damn segments with stupid watch adverts: one before the episode, one halfway through and one at the end. Bloody fifties!

Rating: B-

Title: “The Mother Instinct”
Series: Monsters
Season: 1
Year: 1989
Writer(s): D. Emerson Smith

Storyline: A woman who is in a wheelchair is feeding and talking to her plants in the conservatory when her daughter comes to visit with her no-good husband, who appears to be violent towards her. Yeah, I can see where this is going already. Sorry, sorry. Nelson has come looking for money, but the mother refuses. She’s tired of bailing out this lowlife gambler, and when he threatens her daughter she jumps out of her wheelchair and pins the guy to the wall. Amazed, her daughter asks how? And she tells her it’s the juice of her melons (ooer!) that she drinks, the enzymes in the mixture rejuvenate the body, but only for a short while. When he sees firsthand the effect, wheels begin to turn in Nelson’s greedy little mind; golden, sparkly wheels as he sees what money could be made from such a venture.

He offers to go into business with his wife’s mother, but she turns him down flat. He’s not done yet though. If she won’t team up with him he’ll steal the melons himself and make the juice, then he won’t have to share the profits with anyone. His wife is of course reluctant, but she’s weak and easily led, and in awe of her horrible husband, and so she helps him. In the conservatory as they try to harvest the melons something comes alive though, and starts attacking them, and they barely get out alive. The next morning, her mother shows her what she calls giant bloodworms her father brought back from the Amazon (no, nothing to do with Bezos!) which she says can change any plant they interact with. It's not the melons that are special - without the bloodworms they’re nothing - it’s the worms themselves. She foresees all sorts of medical advances due to them, but guess who’s been listening in at the door?

So the next night he steals two of the worms - a breeding pair - and tells his wife he no longer needs her. The mother is there though, and gloats as she tells him she knew he was listening; she set it all up so he would steal the two worms. Unfortunately, he’s not just stealing two worms, he’s stealing two children, and their mother might have something to say about that. A huge bloodworm rears up, three or four times his size, and takes him out. That’s the end of him and his wife is free of the bastard. As her mother warned him, “don’t ever mess with the mother instinct!”

Comments: Okay well I wasn’t quite right (I assumed the plants were going to come to life and kill the guy to protect the mother) but it was close. Good twist though, and great to see the arsehole getting his comeuppance. Good story, not totally predictable, good ending.

Rating: A+

Title: “Gershwin’s Trunk”
Series: Amazing Stories
Season: 2
Year: 1987
Writer(s): Paul Bartel and John Meyer

Storyline: A man answers a knock at his door in the early hours, to be confronted by a detective who says he saw him dump a body off the Brooklyn Bridge only a short time ago. We’ve seen the composer trying to mop up blood off his carpet before the detective arrived, so we know he’s right. Flashbacks show him splitting up with his partner, Larry, and being subject to writer’s block, unable to come up with any of the tunes he’s supposed to have written for a new musical. At the same time, his wife decides she’s had enough and leaves him. I don’t blame her: I hate the guy already and want to strangle him with the wire from his own piano!

His maid suggests a psychic she knows, and though Jojo resists it as nonsense, he’s finally desperate enough to take the chance and go see her in the hope she can help him regain his mojo. Seemingly against her will, she gets possessed by the spirit of George Gershwin (well duh; the name is in the title huh?) and he begins writing stuff which Jojo then presents to his director, passing it off as his own work. He loves it, but Alan, the stage pianist, who knows Jojo and is aware he is the less talented of the partnership, thinks it’s not his style and that he must have stolen it from someone else. Meanwhile the possession is taking its toll on Sister Teresa; she doesn’t look well, but Jojo continues on, uncaring, only interested in his songs and not in the least bothered about the health of the one who is making him a success.

When Alan says he knows what he’s up to and he’s going to blow the whistle on him, Jojo takes a heavy candlestick and kills him. Now, obviously, we’re moving back to the present, or just hours before it, as the composer carries Alan’s body to the bridge and dumps it over, unaware he’s being watched. He manages to bribe the cop, who suddenly has a lapse of memory. However he does tell Jojo that should his show not be successful and bring in the money he expects - of which the detective is in for fifty percent - his memory is liable to suddenly come back. Jojo is not bothered though; he knows his show is going to be the biggest and most long-running hit in town for years to come.

Meanwhile, he discovers that Jerry is getting married to his ex, which does not go down well. Even less so when he learns they have been carrying on for over a year behind his back. In revenge, he ensures his show is held back one night, to allow Jerry's to open; he tells the cop that his success will taste all the sweeter after Jerry’s failure. Unfortunately for him, he’s not the only one of the ex-partnership who’s been visiting Sister Teresa. Oh yeah: Jerry has the very same songs in his musical, and since he opened first, there’s no way Jojo can now open his show, or it will look like he’s ripping him off. Speaking of off, so is the deal between him and the cop, and he’s headed to jail.

Comments: I’m not overfond of musicals, so this doesn’t sit too well with me, but it’s a half-decent story. I would say though that Gershwin’s music is very specific and recognisable, so how this guy thought he would pass the great master’s compositions off as his own without raising some suspicions is odd. He’s a thoroughly unlikeable little runt, a cut-throat only out for himself and his career, and speaking of being a runt, how did he manage to hoist a heavier body than him up to the railing of the bridge and over? It should have been next to impossible. Another question: why is the cop there at the bridge? That’s never explained. Not that bad overall though I guess.

Rating: B

Title: “The Tale of the Vacant Lot”
Series: Are You Afraid of the Dark?
Season:5
Year:1995
Writer(s): Gerald Wexler

Storyline: A distinctly Arabic-looking tent appears out of nowhere and Catherine, an athlete who is trying - and failing - to make the team is given a pair of shoes which the attendant tells her will “make her fly” and help her achieve the ambition she’s been aiming for. She has no money though, so the attendant, who calls herself Marie (but come on: she’s probably the Devil isn’t she?) says she can trade. Catherine has nothing of value other than a ring given to her by her grandfather and she doesn’t want to trade that, so enigmatically Marie says she will take something that has no value to her. She doesn’t tell Catherine what that is, but points out, reasonably on the surface anyway, that if it has no value she won’t miss it. Oops. Pitfall ahead.

She takes the shoes and Marie vanishes, along with her tent. Of course the shoes begin to make her successful, but suddenly she’s a lot less nice, a lot sharper and snappier to her friends. On returning home, she thinks she sees a mark of some sort on her cheek, but when she looks again it’s gone. When Eric, the captain of the football team seems to hit on her, but then clearly is already engaged, she runs off, to find the tent has reappeared. This time Marie gives her a whole outfit, again asking for the ring, again refused, again saying that she will take something of no value to Catherine. Again, she is mean to someone, this time her sister, Joyce, and for a split second she sees her face all burned up and horrible. I should probably mention at this point that Marie’s face is almost completely covered in a veil and hood, only her eyes visible, and you can clearly see her skin is disfigured.

Okay well she appears in the ladies to Catherine and spoils the surprise by removing her veil and yeah, she’s full-on Darth Vader there. Except for her eyes, she looks like a burn victim. Actually, she looks like someone got two faces, one clear and unblemished, one ravaged by fire or acid or something, cut them in two and stuck half of one on top of half of the other. She offers Catherine sought-after-like-gold-dust rock concert tickets, but when Catherine sees her face and hears the desperation in her voice, she refuses the tickets and runs out - straight into Eric. Suddenly the tickets are in her hand, and she can’t resist asking Eric if he wants to go. He of course jumps at the chance. But now she has nothing to wear - perish the thought that she should wear something Eric has already seen her in! So it’s back to Marie, who supplies her with clothes, but this time does not want to trade. She is, she says, about to get everything she wants.

Joyce, though, has followed her and it seems she has made her own bargain with Marie. This suddenly frightens Catherine, as she sees her little sister looking all tough and grown-up and, like her, sharp and snide, all her goodness and gentle nature gone. Not only that, a few minutes later she and Catherine both look like the thing from the swamp, as obviously Marie has transferred all her ugliness to both of them. Returning to the tent, Catherine sees that Marie is restored to her former beauty. She tells her that she was once like her, wanting things she couldn’t have, not happy with her life, till she met an old woman in a tent like this (well, this tent, obviously) and now that she has what she wants - Catherine’s life, which she says she did not value - she needs nothing else. Catherine’s only chance now is to work the spell on some other greedy girl, in the hope of getting her life.

But Catherine has one last ace to play. She says she may deserve what’s happened to her, but her sister does not, and she offers the precious ring, that Joyce’s life be returned to her. Marie agrees, smug, now that she has got everything she wanted, but as soon as she puts on the ring she starts to transform again and then vanishes, along with the tent. Catherine and Joyce return to normal, and though she’s lost the tickets, Eric doesn’t care, and they go out anyway.

Comments: Right. You could see kind of where it was leading, but the ending left a lot to be desired. Why did the ring do what it did? I thought her grandfather was going to have turned out to be some magician or something. Not explained. Otherwise, not too bad really. But it could have been so much more. The thing Catherine didn't value could have been her goodness, her sweet disposition, and her being prepared to hand over the thing most precious to her in order to save her sister could have been redemption. Instead, it just destroyed Marie for reasons. Meh.

Rating: B+

Title: “Last Rites for a Dead Druid”
Series: Night Gallery
Season: 2
Year: 1972
Writer(s): Alvin Sapinsley

Storyline: Note: as mentioned, each Night Gallery episode was broken into two or more segments, and I’m only taking one segment per episode. This is the second in episode 18 of the second season. A woman finds a statue in a junk shop which she exclaims looks just like her husband (it doesn’t; it looks nothing like him - I don’t know what they’re trying to pull here) and he is not impressed at her spending his money on useless junk. He wakes to find the statue standing over his bed, but when he “wakes” it is gone. Did he dream it? His wife certainly thinks so. He’s not so sure though, and when he goes out into the garden the next morning and the statue is there, he’s less than relieved, as there are what appear to be footprints leading away from it towards the house.

On researching the statue further, he finds that it’s of an ancient druid, known as Bruce the Black, reputedly a sorcerer and worshipper of Satan, who had the power to turn people to stone. He also finds out that the thing is missing one part, a sort of weapon it was holding. He’s less than pleased to hear that his wife’s friend Mildred, whom he detests and who picked out the statue, is coming to dinner. Completely to his surprise he ends up making a pass at her, after first talking to the statue and telling it it is nothing but a hunk of rock and is going back to the shop at the earliest opportunity. His wife, of course, is not present when he makes his move, but he feels like he has been… manipulated? Controlled? Used?

Then he looks into the flames of the barbeque and sees the face of Bruce the Black laughing at him. He goes glassy-eyed and tries to sacrifice the neighbour’s cat on the fire but the maid sees him, screams and breaks the spell. That night the statue appears in his bedroom again, and exhorts him to kill his wife so he can have Mildred. He goes to smother her, then comes to his senses. The statue vanishes, and he runs outside to smash it up. There’s a flash of light and his wife comes down to find him transformed into the statue, with the live figure of Bruce the Black lying on his back, grinning.

Comments: Yeah, this kinda thing might have flown in the 50s, but even in the 70s this is lame with a capital lame. It’s very badly put together, the dialogue is so stilted it could be later sold to a circus performer to get around on, and the ending is, well, dumb. Not what I’d expect from Serling, especially post Twilight Zone. I know he didn’t write this one, but still. Poor.

Rating: C

Title: “Drug Traffic”
Series: Creepshow
Season: 3
Year: 2021
Writer(s): Mattie Do and Christopher Larsen

Storyline: Due to high pharmaceutical prices and the cost of medical insurance, people who need lifesaving medication often have to cross over the border and get it in Canada. A congressman is fighting to change this, and is with a group of people returning from Canada, among them a woman who seems very sick. Border control’s suspicions are far from allayed when the young woman vomits up a bunch of blue and white pills. They are less happy when they discover well over the limit in prescription drugs in the handbag of the woman’s mother, some of which are actually prohibited.

While in the waiting room the young woman goes to bite another woman, but the congressman sees her and intervenes. The young woman runs off. She starts searching for food, and seems to be in a bad way, her stomach rumbling, sweat running down her face. She falls to her knees behind a desk and something happens. There’s a tearing sound. While her mother is being interviewed by the border guard, a kid comes across the woman’s body, minus the head. A moment later the head appears, attached to some sort of alien jellyfish-like appendage, floating in front of him. It attacks.

Shortly after, another man off the bus is attacked, and the thing goes on a feeding frenzy, killing everything in its path. Including my interest in this bloody awful tripe. My god what rubbish. Worst yet, and that includes Tales of fucking Tomorrow and the awful Outer Limits episode. So anyway, the border guard and the congressman are about the only two left alive, other than the mother, and they go after it, get the body, chop it up and that kills the, um, floating head thing.

I’m sorry to say, that’s not the end of it. Dear god why won’t this episode just die? There’s some racist talk goes on between the two men, along the lines of “Fucking immigrants huh?” then the mother decides to top herself, using the shattered window as a guillotine and then the dead head of the daughter takes over her mother’s body and then goes back to the bus and meets the Creepshow host and you know what? I’ve had it with this. Watch it at your peril.

Comments:Cheap horror schlock, with no attempt to justify or explain what was going on. Note: I’ve looked it up and apparently she was a Thai spirit called a krasue, which at least shows some research was made, but the idea that some doctor across the border was able to see this, and said “oh yeah I have pills for that”, the idea it could be controlled by drugs is, frankly, too ludicrous for words. I think the story tried, in its inept, hamfisted and bloodstained way, to get across a message against hatred for immigrants, mixed up with putting differences aside to fight a common enemy, but it got lost in all the blood, gore and stupidity.

Rating: C (how I wish I could give this a C- or even a D, but C will have to do. Lowest of the lowest of the low).

Title: “Cinethrax”
Series: Dimension 404
Season: 1
Year: 2017
Writer(s): Will Campos, Dez Dolly, Daniel Johnson and David Welch

Storyline: A cinema buff takes his niece to the new showing of a hip movie which purports to be in something called “Cinethrax”. Nobody knows what it is, and Dusty doesn’t care; in fact, he’s brought what he calls shifters - glasses that turn 3D back into normal 2D. He’s worried that Chloe is getting too tied up in fads and social media, and wants to “keep it real”, but then, he’s a lot older than her. On entry to the cinema, everyone is given special glasses to wear, so they can, as the slogan blares, “embrace the experience”, but Dusty drops his in a bin. He goes to get popcorn while Chloe gets the seats, but when he returns she’s hooked up with friends, and though this is supposed to be their night, it’s clear she wants to spend it with her friends, so he leaves her to it. The movie begins, everyone gasps as the “Cinethrax” explodes on the screen (immersive 4D motion? What the hell is that?) and Dusty sits there, bored.

Until he sees something nobody else does, something pulsing, moving behind the screen, like… something alive? As he watches, something comes out from behind it, a long, slimy, wormlike thing that goes questing along the ground, but nobody else seems to notice. Then it attacks him and he goes crazy. Removed by security, of course nobody believes him, not even Chloe, and she says she wants to stay even if he goes. She tells him she’s outgrown him and he needs to let her go. Security takes him to the projection room, where they try to convince him to put on the Cinethrax glasses, but he refuses, and the three of them turn into some sort of monsters, attacking him. Trapped in the janitor’s closet, he manages to get a message to Chloe to put on the shifter glasses, and when she finally does she sees what he sees.

Huge worms (or the many tentacles of one huge worm) are clamped onto the faces of everyone in the cinema. She screams, but her friends exhort her to join them (like, totally!) and now they’re all after her. Grabbing a replica sword one of the other audience members had brought in (don’t ask: think the kind of people who dress as hobbits and elves to watch Lord of the Rings movies. In public) she fights her way through them but is overpowered and forced to put on the Cinethrax glasses. As the worm reaches for her, she stabs it with the sword. It retreats, howling in pain, and every one of the audience reacts the same, as if they have also been stabbed. She smashes her way into the projection booth, sees Dusty is tied up and is swiftly captured herself.

The cinema guys tell her that Cinethrax (the worm) is a space alien who has come to Earth to, um, unite everyone. Seems it’s some sort of hive mind deal, connecting people and then letting them share each other’s experiences. But is that what it’s doing, or is it enslaving mankind. Answers on a slimy postcard, please… As they force Dusty to wear the glasses Chloe, somewhat forgotten, grabs a piece of the window she shattered when she broke through and jams it into the beast’s eye. They all react in pain. Then the cinema guy grabs Chloe - with a long, disgusting, wormlike tongue! - and drags her towards him, shining the light from his - I guess Cinethrax’s - eyes into hers, and she sees.

When Dusty breaks the connection by the brutal expedient of a fireaxe to the head of the cinema guy, Chloe and he go to escape, but it’s too late. She has seen, and she no longer fears, And outside, the world is burning as everyone sees. There’s nowhere to go now. Cinethrax is everywhere. With no options left, Dusty joins the hive mind.

Comments: Yeah I hated the ending. I could see where it was going and all through the episode I thought how are they going to escape, and then they did. But they didn’t. I guess you have to give it points for avoiding the hero-saves-the-day ending, but still, it’s bleaker than I had expected. Does make it stand out though.

Rating: A

Okay then, time to do the rankings for part II.

“The Miraculous Serum” (Tales of Tomorrow)

Story: 4


Plot twists? 2


Setting: 0

Ending: 0


Enjoyment factor: 2


Originality: 2


Humour: 0

Star quality: 0

Supporting character(s): 4


Predictable? 10


Innovation: 2


Message: 0

Loose ends: 10


Total: 36


“The Mother Instinct” ( Monsters)

Story: 8


Plot twists? 8

Setting: 0

Ending: 10


Enjoyment factor: 10


Originality: 8


Humour: 3


Star quality: 0

Supporting character(s): 10

Predictable? 8


Innovation: 8

Message: 10


Loose ends: 10


Total: 93


“Gershwin’s Trunk” ( Amazing Stories)

Story: 5


Plot twists? 8


Setting: 0

Ending: 5

Enjoyment factor: 2


Originality: 5


Humour: 3


Star quality: 0

Supporting character(s): 7


Predictable? 8


Innovation: 0


Message: 0


Loose ends: 10


Total: 46


“The Tale of the Vacant Lot” ( Are You Afraid of the Dark?)

Story: 8


Plot twists? 8


Setting: 0

Ending: 5


Enjoyment factor: 6


Originality: 5


Humour: 0

Star quality: 0

Supporting character(s): 8


Predictable? 5


Innovation: 4


Message: 8


Loose ends: 8


Total: 65


“Last Rites for a Dead Druid” ( Night Gallery)

Story: 2


Plot twists? 8


Setting: 0

Ending: 6


Enjoyment factor: 2


Originality: 0


Humour: 0

Star quality: 10


Supporting character(s): 4


Predictable? 10


Innovation: 0

Message: 0

Loose ends: 4

Total: 46


“Cinethrax” ( Dimension 404)

Story: 10


Plot twists? 10


Setting: 4


Ending: 9


Enjoyment factor: 10


Originality: 10


Humour: 5


Star quality: 0

Supporting character(s): 10



Predictable? 10


Innovation: 10


Message: 10


Loose ends: 10


Total: 108


“Drug Traffic” ( Creepshow)

Story: 1


Plot twists? 0


Setting: 0

Ending: 0


Enjoyment factor: 0


Originality: 5


Humour: 0

Star quality: 5


Supporting character(s): 10


Predictable? 0


Innovation: 0


Message: 0


Loose ends: 0

Total: 21

So that gives us the following order:

Seventh is, duh, Creepshow
Sixth is Tales of Tomorrow
Fifth place is shared, with equal points, between Night Gallery and Amazing Stories
Third then is Are You Afraid of the Dark?
Second is Monsters
and first is Dimension 404

ROUND THREE: NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK, PART ONE

This is now where I move on to the shows I either never heard of, heard of but never watched, or only watched the odd episode of. What I'm saying is, I'm going to be a whole lot less familiar with these shows than I have been with those in rounds one and two. Generally, these are what would be termed, for me anyway, new shows, as almost all of them began in the twenty-first century, and in most cases are currently still running. Let's see how we do.

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikiped...104_teaser.png
Title: “Itchy”
Series: Room 104
Season: 3
Year: 2019
Writer(s): Mark Duplass
Storyline: This series appears to rotate around the eponymous room, and the stories of those who stay in it. In this episode we have a guy who seems to be suffering from some sort of skin condition, and has been advised by his doctor to come to this hotel and stay in this room. The idea seems to be to get away from all external stimuli that might be contributing to his rash. Why this hotel in particular I don’t know. But it seems that he’s been told to use a tablespoonful of bleach (!) in his bath, and notes that the rash appears to be reacting to it, turning into kind of scabs or pustules on his skin. Hell, I knew from the title I wasn’t going to enjoy this; guess I’ll just have to stick with it. Can’t be as bad as “Drug Traffic”, right? Right?

He mentions that he has been having the feeling that maybe there are suppressed memories of some traumatic event in his childhood that might be manifesting themselves in the rash. Apparently he’s been suffering from this for years and has seen psychiatrists, dermatologists, all sorts of experts, with no luck. That night he has a dream where he’s trapped in a cave or something, and creatures outside are trying to hurt him. He talks to his mother and she tells him of a camping trip they took when he was four years old, and in which he seemed to have been abducted or got lost. He doesn’t remember any of this. She tells him it was a campsite where apparently people went to see aliens. This seems to him a huge breakthrough: he must have been abducted by aliens. It’s the only thing that makes any sense. He thinks the rash is clearing up: it was a symptom of the trauma of being abducted, and now that he’s faced it, all will be okay.

Right. How’s that workin’ out for ya dude? Next thing we see is him breathing heavily and running a bath, into which he pours almost the entire bottle of bleach! The rash, far from receding, has accelerated and got worse. Spoke too soon, as if anyone watching this is surprised. Quick guess: he’s an alien who’s being returned to his natural form after having been left with a human family to study them. Probably wrong, but let me throw it out there anyway. Okay, back to the episode. Unsurprisingly, it doesn’t help but makes it worse. Oh, maybe he’s been impregnated with an alien baby that is about to… all right, Trollheart. Enough guessing. Nobody cares.

He decides to end it all, but before he can hang himself he gets a call from his doctor, whom he’s been in video contact with throughout the episode. The doctor says he has worked out what’s wrong and that he can cure him. A few moments later he’s knocking at the door. He administers the injections and the guy goes into convulsions and YES! I WAS RIGHT He literally explodes and the “doctor” reaches into his shattered chest and grabs his “babies” out, two alien offspring, and off he goes. Excellent.


Comments: A very good almost-one-man-play with perhaps a rather predictable ending. If you watch it, beware the gore at the end: it’s pretty messy. Good overall.
Rating: A-

https://i.postimg.cc/vZTY2PnW/image-...-210843550.png
Title: “Takedown”
Series: Creeped Out
Season: 2
Year: 2019
Writer(s): Emma Campbell
Storyline: Well this is going to be fun. The subject matter is wrestling, and I hate wrestling. Not that I’ll let that impact my rating - hah! B Minus without even watch - huh? Oh. Um, didn’t realise you were still there. This? No no: an unrelated matter, I assure you. Nothing will pre-bias my … B minu - are you still there? Look can you just go please? It’s very distracting. Thank you.

Better see what this is like, I suppose. Says it’s for kids, but then so was Are You Afraid of the Dark? So let’s see before we pre-judge this with a B minus - oh come on! I heard you go! What do you mean you came back? Forgot your what? Right, right, just get it and please go! I have work to do! I don’t know, some people.. What? No, no, nothing. Nothing at all…

Alexa is a good wrestler (see: I told you!) but when she’s selected by her team coach to go up against the boys she believes she has not the confidence or skill to compete against them. Her friend believes in her, but when she gets a weird unsolicited text message telling her she has been chosen, and must text back the gift she wants, she’s a little nonplussed. The text warns that the gift will be taken from someone else, and if she doesn’t choose something, the person sending the text (who calls herself Trudi) will hide under her bed and take something else. She blocks the number but it texts her again. Weird. Shouldn’t be able to do that.

That night she thinks about it, and texts back that she wants physical strength. Immediately a reply tells her that her gift has been sent. The next morning she has great strength, but another text advises her that a gift has been taken from her. She worries what it might be, but still asks for more strength. There’s no response. The next day Lincoln, the top wrestler is taken ill and so a spot is up for the regionals, and she intends to take it. That night while she’s in the garage with her father the jack slips while he’s under the car he’s fixing and it falls on him, but using her new strength she is able to lift it off him, much to his amazement.

Alexa’s friend has been watching Lincoln, and thinks that she may have been given his strength, as he is flinching whenever she lands a blow on one of her opponents. She shrugs it off though, despite what the text said. And again, she asks for more strength. I’m not sure what she is thinking here: she’s already stronger than anyone; how much more strength does she need? But when the final match to decide who goes to the regionals is played, it seems Lincoln is back in business, and what’s more, he’s got her sense of tactics. She’s not the only one Trudi texted. Now that she relies on brute force without strategy, she’s easily beaten.

But that’s not the worst of it. Now her friends start weakening, possibly dying. She has to text Trudi to take it all back, but the warning notes that one gift returns means all gifts returned. Lincoln tries to stop her, of course, but she manages to send the text and all is restored. Unfortunately her father then reveals that, though she thinks he always wanted a son he did not. He tells her that he used something similar - chain letters, god I remember them! - to ask for a daughter instead of a son.

And now, everything has been undone. And he no longer has a daughter, but a son.


Comments: A good and unexpected ending that raises the story a little above bleh, but here’s the thing: the creators of this series stated that they were heavily influenced by Amazing Stories, and this is just “Gershwin’s Trunk” rewritten, with a chunk of Are You Afraid of the Dark?’s “The Tale of the Vacant Lot” thrown in, so boo guys, minus points for originality. Also, is that a thing in America - mixed wrestling teams? Young teenage girls allowed to be grappled by - required to be grappled by teenage boys? Would never fly here. Sounds ridiculous.
Rating: B - (Only not a C due to the ending)

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Okay, this one breaks the pattern. Not only is it from the 1950s, but it was in fact never screened! You can buy this on DVD but otherwise YouTube is your only man. Let's see what it's like; maybe there's a reason why it never made it to the televisions of America. Ooh look! It's Boris Karloff hosting. That's got to be a good start.

Title: “Summer Heat”
Series: The Veil
Season: 2
Year: 1958
Writer(s): Rick Vollaerts
Storyline: In the searing heat of a New York summer, Edward Page sees a woman attacked in an apartment from his window, but when he calls the police and they open up the door the apartment is entirely empty. (Trollheart’s Theory (™) *: it happened in the past and somehow he’s seeing it now, or it’s going to happen in the future). The cops dismiss it as “just the heat” but when Page gets anxious they decide to take him in.They get him committed, but the doctor in charge believes Page is sane, and that he saw something. He sends Page home.

Meanwhile, a woman rents the apartment and it’s clear that what Page saw happening is about to occur now. Of course, when the cops get the call they assume Page is the culprit. He did, after all, give a detailed description of the woman, the apartment, the scene. And he’s just returned home. But there’s one thing in his favour: when he described the apartment, it was unfurnished, empty. So how could he know what the furniture would look like, where it would be placed, what she would look like? Still, this is an old-style cop in charge, and he’s not going to let anything inconvenient like facts get in the way of putting Page away, even when his sergeant expresses serious doubts that Page could have done it.

What about fingerprints? Have they even taken any? Page’s would not be here, and that would surely help exonerate him (though he could have worn gloves I guess, but they haven’t mentioned anything about prints) and how is he supposed to have got into the apartment? They take him to the station - I thought they were arresting him but they have him going through mug shots - and then he remembers the killer had a cauliflower ear. Suddenly, the two cops believe him and they go off to check this description against known offenders. They find the guy, and Page is able to show them that the woman he murdered bit the guy before he could kill her. Rolling up his sleeve, they see the bite mark on his arm and they know they have their guy.

The cop, the doctor and Page are all left with the unsettling knowledge that somehow Page saw the crime before it was committed.

* Trollheart’s Theory is my attempt to, at any point in the episode (but ideally as early as possible) suss out how it’s going to end.

Comments: Now this is how to write a story! And only six years after Tales of bloody Tomorrow! Yes, I sussed it out quickly enough but the story was well-written and presented, and within the context of the show, again, quite believable, something you could see on The Twilight Zone or The Outer Limits maybe. A very impressive start. Why wasn't this greenlit, eh?

Rating: A+

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Title: “The Girl Who Cried Monster”
Series: Goosebumps
Season: 1
Year: 1995
Writer(s): Charles Lazer
Storyline: Goosebumps is based on a series of books written for children by R.L Stine (any relation to Franken? I’m here all week, sorry) so you might think this won’t be too scary or adult, but then, Are You Afraid of the Dark? is for kids too and that… was not too scary. Well then, a girl who delights in torturing her little brother with stories of monsters encounters a real one in the library, but because of her reputation nobody will believe her. So Lucy decides to hide in the library after hours and get a picture of the librarian, who she has seen transform into a monster who eats insects. Unfortunately she rather stupidly uses a flash and so is easily detected when she takes the picture, and now she’s on the run with the monster after her.

As he’s the librarian though, he knows where she lives, and comes to call, but she won’t let him in. He has come ostensibly to return her backpack, which she left behind, and after trying to get in he leaves it on the doorstep. Showing its age now, as Lucy has to get her parents to take her into town to get the film developed (ah tis well I remember it!) but when she comes out with her photographs who’s there but the librarian, who takes the photo when she drops them on the street. Seeing him, her parents invite him over to dinner, to Lucy’s horror. However, in a very clever twist it turns out that her parents are both monsters, and they eat the librarian. Can’t have him spreading rumours about them. Having finished him off, they tell Lucy and her brother that soon they too will grow to be monsters, just like their parents.

Comments: Surprisingly good. I didn’t suss this one at all, didn’t even know where it was going. Not entirely original, but clever.

Rating: A

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Title: “Offervilje” (“The Ultimate Sacrifice”)
Series: Bloodride
Season: 1
Year: 2021
Writer(s): Kjetil Indregard
Storyline: Okay, from what I read this series follows a set of passengers on a bus, and each episode focuses on the story of one of the passengers. That story is also linked to a holiday for some reason. This one concerns a woman who, while riding the bus, suddenly sees her hands begin to bleed. The action changes to a guy going for an important interview with the CEO of finance company (I think that means he’s a journalist interviewing the CEO, rather than trying to get a job there, but the translation does not make that clear) then flashes back to five years previous, as a family arrive at their new downsized home, a cottage in the country. The mother (the woman in the story) does not look happy but her adult children try to tell her it’s not so bad. They meet the neighbours, who seem friendly, but Molly, the mother, thinks they’re weird and a little pushy when they offer to help them sort out the cottage.

They don’t expect many to turn up but a crowd does (all holding small animals and seeming a little too attached to them?) and the work is done in no time, as they settle down to a barbeque. (Trollheart’s Theory: these are cannibals). While out jogging she sees two of the women, pets in their arms, head through the forest and while she watches in horror one sacrifices her cat, stabbing it with a knife. In shock, she steps back and is discovered. The two women seem to debate between themselves, then decide to take her into their confidence. They tell her the town is built on an old Viking burial ground, and we all know how Vikings loved to sacrifice animals to their gods. She’s told that one of the townsfolk took his dog, which had cancer, to the spot where Molly saw them do in the cat - it’s an old sacrificial stone, apparently - and shot him. The next day he won the lottery. So now everyone thinks the stone works, and they sacrifice their pets when they need good fortune.

Not cannibals, then. Damn.

The women warn her that the stone could change her; if she thinks she can get anything she wants with it, she may lose control. She tests it by catching a rat and splattering it on the stone, then legs it to the shop, buys a scratch card but only wins a small amount. The women tell her that in order to get a proper reward the animal has to have a bond with her. They own a dog, so yeah, you can see where this is going now. After callously killing the dog she goes to buy a lottery ticket. Meanwhile her daughter is frantically searching for her dog while Molly sits at home greedily and anxiously watching the draw for the lottery. She almost has is, getting increasingly excited as number after number comes up, but then the last one is wrong, and she’s furious. No jackpot for her!

The women laugh at her when she rages. They know, they can tell that though it was her daughter’s dog she didn’t love it. I mean, who could kill a pet they loved so easily for mere money? And now you can see where we’re headed. They did mention when they told her about the stone that the Vikings sometimes sacrificed humans so… She decides to tell her husband, and leads him to the stone. I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say she’s prepared to sacrifice him for her precious jackpot. She doesn’t seem the sort to really entertain remorse, or to let anything stand in the way of her goals, and the women did say the more she loved something, the more money she would get.

So she does it. She goes to the sacrificial stone with her husband and attacks him. The scene changes. We’re back with the guy and his interview with that CEO. He asks if there is any subject he should avoid (he’s clearly a journalist) and he’s told to avoid asking her about how she made her first million. Back to the past we go. Molly is about to kill her husband when Katja, her daughter, comes upon them. They struggle. Molly tries to kill Katja but her daughter in desperation, fighting for her life, picks up a stone and smashes into into her mother’s head. Cut back to the present and it’s Katja who is the CEO, a big white fluffy cat on her lap which she pets constantly like a female Bond villain.


Comments: This was really good. On the surface, a version of the old sacrifice-in-the-woods-Indian burial ground idea, but cleverly used. The script kept me guessing to the end, and even then I wasn’t sure who was going to be in the chair until she turned around. A good morality tale with a chilling ending.
Rating: A+