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Title: The Enterprise Incident
Series: TOS
Season: Three
Writer(s): DC Fontana
Main character(s): Spock, Kirk
Plot: In an attempt to steal the new cloaking device and adapt it for Federation use, Kirk and Spock allow themselves to be captured by a Romulan commander. Spock, to whom she is attracted, appears to betray his captain and is allowed stay onboard as her consort, while Kirk is believed to be killed by his first officer.

This was one of those episodes where they hit all the right notes: although Shatner tries to steal the show it's very much a Spock episode, one of few, and indeed one of the only ones where we get any insight into his carefully-concealed emotions. The idea of Spock having a love affair --- in fact, of faking one to gain the advantage Kirk needs and give him time to steal the device --- is so alien to the series that it really hits home. We also get to see Spock “kill” Kirk, learn that the Vulcan does in fact have a first name, and experience a sexy Romulan commander who is ultimately betrayed by Spock. This is also one of the first times that the goody-goody Federation openly (well, covertly, but you know what I mean: it's authorised) engage in espionage against a race with whom they are not currently at war, and the episode has everything: sex, betrayal, death, cloak and dagger and Kirk in pointy ears!

Rating:

Title: In the Pale Moonlight
Series: DS9
Season: Six
Writer(s): Peter Allan Fields and Michael Taylor
Main character(s): Sisko, Garak
Plot: The Federation is losing the war against the Dominion and reluctantly turns to their old enemies the Romulans to help them by joining the war. Fabricating evidence that the Changelings are planning to conquer Romulus, Garak gives Sisko a data rod which is in turn handed to a prominent Romulan senator. He however recognises it as fake, but on the way back to Romulus his ship is destroyed, thanks to a bomb put there by Garak. Soon afterwards, the Romulans join the war.

If DS9 ever reached a peak in mature writing, this was it. Sisko, ever the man to play by the rules and quote Starfleet regulations, is forced by circumstances into betraying everything he holds dear, into conspiring with the Cardassian Garak, whom he has never trusted but knows can get the job done. When it all goes pear-shaped and Sisko fears that their duplicity will in fact force the Romulans into an alliance with the Dominion, he discovers that the “ace in the hole” Garak has been holding is to ensure the senator's ship explodes. Once the data rod is recovered from the wreckage, its authenticity will not be questioned in the light of the “accident”, clearly an assassination, and the objective will have been achieved. A clearer case of one man facing Spock's remorseless logic of the “needs of the many” could not be made. A stupendous, brave, dark and utterly entrancing episode, one of the very finest in all the franchise.

Rating:

Title: Phage
Series: VOY
Season: One
Writer(s): Timothy de Haas, Brannon Braga, Skye Dent
Main character(s): Neelix
Plot: When Neelix's lungs are somehow stolen (hooray!) Voyager pursues the thieves, only to uncover a massive organ harvesting operation and a race of people suffering from a generational plague which consumes their flesh.

Not in fairness a brilliant episode, although the sheer joy of seeing Neelix lying close to death, unable to breathe and then later being told by the Doctor that he will have to remain motionless for the rest of his life (YES!) is worthy of its inclusion by itself. But what is striking about this episode is the double standard portrayed within the writing. Initially we see a race of aliens who are callously harvesting organs from any lifeform who has what they need, then later we learn they are doing this because of a disease which afflicts them and necessitates constant replacement of their organs. Janeway makes an interesting decision at the end, allowing the alien who has taken Neelix's lungs to retain them, unwilling to kill him for one of her crewmembers. Later on, when she toughened up, she would not be expected to do this. But then again, it was only Neelix, after all!

Rating:

Title: Sins of the Father
Series: TNG
Season: Three
Writer(s): Ronald D. Moore, Drew Deighan, W. Reed Moran
Main character(s): Worf, Picard
Plot: Worf's father has been named by the Empire as a traitor, and the son of Mogh must travel to the homeworld to answer this charge. What he uncovers turns out to be a nest of vipers, a web of betrayal and a code of silence that will lead to death being pronounced upon his own head.

A great Worf episode, which tells us much more about Klingon culture and introduces us to a Klingon who will become, for a time, Worf's nemesis, as later will his sisters. It is in fact the father of Duras who is proven finally to be the traitor but in a totally shock ending Worf must shoulder the blame and be shunned by all Klingons. The unexpected conclusion comes as something of a hammerblow: just as you think, this is Trek: all charges dropped and home in time for Earl Grey --- hot! --- well no. The twist is painful and hard to take, and will have severe repercussions for Worf and his family for another season, and as mentioned the Duras sisters will become a thorn in the Federation's side with the death of their brother. There's also some action-man stuff for Picard, and we learn that Worf has a brother. Great stuff and the final scene, as Picard and Worf stride from the chamber of the High Council, with every Klingon back --- even his own brother's --- turned away from him, is both chilling and stunning.

Rating:

Title: Mirror, Mirror
Series: TOS
Season: Two
Writer(s): Jerome Bixby
Main character(s): Spock, Kirk
Plot: A transporter accident opens a rift in space/time and Kirk and his intrepid landing party find themselves on the ISS Enterprise, in a harsh, brutal alternate universe where force is the watchword and there is no such thing as compromise or compassion. Here, Kirk meets this universe's counterpart of Spock and tries to show him how he can change this world for the better.

I just love this episode! What a clever idea. Building on the already-explored theme of an “evil Kirk” in the laughable “The enemy within”, this time we see a whole universe of evil Trek counterparts, with Sulu a sadist who enjoys enforcing discipline on the ship and vies for Kirk's job, McCoy finding a sickbay he describes as more like a torture chamber, and Spock with a beard! The idea that we're all one step away from chaos and brutality is well portrayed here, as everyone in the “Mirror universe” does what they have to to survive, while back on the “real” Enterprise “bad” Kirk and his crew are dumbfounded by the changes they see: “Where's my personal guard?” roars “bad” Kirk. The Mirror universe, and the events that unfold in this episode, would be revisited in later episodes of Deep Space 9.

Rating:

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Commander Jadzia Dax, played by Terry Farrell

Dax is a trill, a symbiotic life form that can live a very long time --- hundreds, maybe thousands of years --- and is transplanted from host body to host body as each wears out or dies. Jadzia is the latest host, and in keeping with trill tradition she takes the alien’s surname, becoming Jadzia Dax, most often referred to as Dax. She serves aboard the space station Deep Space 9 under Commander (later Captain) Ben Sisko, whom she knows from her days of being implanted in the host body of the previous donor, a warrior named Curzon. Because of his long relationship with Curzon, and out of respect to the trill, Sisko often refers to Jadzia as “old man”, which is a little confusing. Initially, Jadzia is pestered by Doctor Julian Bashir, who falls in love with her, but eventually she falls for Worf, the Klingon security chief of DS9, and marries him.

Again, somewhat like Uhura and unlike most of the TNG females, Dax is treated almost like a man (given that she has the trill inside her and that all previous hosts were male, this is not that surprising) and acts quite the tomboy. She rarely seems to indulge in feminine trappings or be interested in feminine things, other than her romantic interests. She plays games of skill and chance at Quark’s with the abandon and acceptance of any other man, and she can fight and protect herself as well as any of them. She frequently leads missions, holding the rank originally of Lieutenant and then later Lieutenant Commander, and having her special relationship with Sisko gives her access to the station’s commander she might otherwise not have.

Dax is killed in the finale of the sixth season by Gul Dukat, but though Jadzia dies the symbiont is saved and later transplanted into another host body, who carries it through the final season to the conclusion of the show. After her heroics and sacrifice, Worf believes his late wife has earned her place in Sto’vo’kor, the Klingon heaven, somewhat equivalent to Valhalla, even though she herself is not of Klingon blood.

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While it's certainly up there in the top three of the Trek movies, and I do like the theme, I just kind of find this one a little less Trekky (is that a word? It is now!) than other movies that came before it. And after it. I mean, I dig what the guy is trying to do, with the fanfare at the start then diverting off into a totally different sort of theme, but it just does not say Star Trek to me. Mind you, some of the others don't either, but this just sounds like it could be the theme for Titanic or something. Also, it's nowhere near as ominous and dark as the soundtrack to a movie like this should be. This was one of the first --- the first, really --- dark and bleak Star Trek movies, and though it had its funny and lighter moments, generally it dealt with one man's obsession and his attempts to come to terms with that before it tore him apart. This music .... does not communicate that inner struggle to me.

Which is why it's only at number


This needed a big, booming, droning, snarling anthem, something you could get your teeth into; something that, frankly, scared the shit out of you. Maybe not quite a horror theme as such, but something dark, heavy, oppressive. This is way too light and does not convey anything about how the movie actually pans out. Jerry Goldsmith, a veteran of Trek themes, apparently used a “pastoral, friendly theme to represent the hope of humanity's first contact”. Bollocks. I wanted big, crunching, scary, growling Borg music. Up yours Jerry! Fail.

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Originally Posted in: The Playlist of Life
Original Posting Date: December 21 2011
Status: On hiatus
Post type: Review
Media: Music

Jordan: the comeback --- Prefab Sprout --- 1990 (Kitchenware)


Do not ask me why I bought this album. I was never a fan of Prefab Sprout. Like most people I heard and liked singles like “Cars and girls”, “The king of rock and roll” and “When love breaks down”, but I would never have considered buying one of their albums. A handful of singles do not merit the shelling-out of hard earned cash on an album. So I don't know what it was that pointed me in Prefab's direction --- possibly a review, or maybe I heard some tracks on the radio, I really can't remember --- but in the end I was really glad I did. This is an absolute diamond.

Of course, I have never since bought any of their albums (and truth to tell, they didn't exactly rush to follow the success of this one up) but this is still one I can listen to all the way through, with no bad tracks at all. Not one. At all. No. Not one.

For a single album it was huge at the time, containing a massive nineteen tracks in all, and it gets going with the pop/rock of “Looking for Atlantis”, a staccato of drums announcing the arrival of the album, with some really upbeat backing vocals and jangly guitar, sparkling keyboards before Paddy McAloon begins singing. The song is very commercial, very chartworthy with some rather obscure lyrics, as is often the case throughout this album. It's frequently hard to figure out what McAloon is singing about, but the album is so good that you really can just enjoy it on that level, and not be too worried about the deeper meanings in the lyrics, though they're surely there.

It's a great start, with backup vocals from Wendy Smith and madcap harmonica from Judd Lander adding to the sense of fun about the song as Paddy sings ”Should be lovin' someone/ And you know who it must be/ Cos you'll never find Atlantis/ Till you make that someone me.” Er, yeah. Things slow down then for the first of several ballads, the sparkly keyboards again evident as “Wild horses” starts, Paddy's voice laidback and soft, but hitting some high notes in there too. There's a spoken section voiced by Jenny Agutter, of all people --- not sure if it's sampled from one of her movies or if she actually took part in the song, but she is thanked on the album liner notes. At any rate, it's very effective, spoken as it is over trickling cascading keys. It's a sudden change so early in the album, from the rollicking, galloping pop of the opener to this slow, soulful ballad, but then it all changes again for “Machine gun Ibiza”, with a sort of half-blues melody, mostly keyboard led with some nice touches on guitar. It's a slow song, but not a ballad.

And things stay slow but get really special then for “We let the stars go”, a beautiful ballad of lazy summer nights, McAloon recalling it seems a love affair from his youth. Lovely backing vocals again from --- almost a duet with --- Smith, whose voice complements his so well. Layers of keyboards and what could be classical guitar give the song a lush, graceful sound and Paddy sings from the heart. Everything ramps up then for “Carnival 2000”, a fiesta of brass and guitar, starting off low-key on electric guitar as Paddy sings ”Tonight let's raise a glass my friend/ To those who couldn't make it/ A century has shut its eyes/ And who are we to wake it?" A vision of ten years in the future at the time of writing, and a look forward to the turn of the millennium. Very samba-styled, with trumpets, horns and whistles and bongo-style drums with celebratory bells ringing in the background.

It's seldom, if ever, that I would attempt to comment on every track on so large an album, but really, the quality of songs here is so incredible that really, I can't leave out even one. The production, by Thomas Dolby, is pristine without becoming stale or clinical, allowing the genuine warmth --- or the prevailing emotion at any rate --- to shine through in each song, without being produced to the nth degree. The title track envisages Elvis still living somewhere, ready to make his comeback, with a soul/jazz feel to it, more trumpets and some great keys. The King sniffs ”And all of those books they wrote about me/ Man, there wasn't much love in 'em, boys!/ If I'd have taken all that medication/ Man, I'd have rattled like one of/ My little girl's toys!”

With nineteen tracks on the album it's not that surprising that there are no long songs. Only five of them go over the four minute mark, and many are much shorter than that. But each one is a carefully-crafted gem. There really is no filler on this opus, and there's nothing you want to skip over, or think any less brilliant than the tracks that came before. If there's a standout though, it may have to be the double “Jesse James symphony” and “Jesse James bolero”, the first of which is played on tinkly keyboard with a very simple melody as Paddy tells the story of (possibly the, but certainly a) Jesse James, and how he was cursed from birth. ”Jesse James was never/ Part of life's great symphony/ All he heard were / Penny whistles out of key.”

It then slips into the tango-like second part, the bolero, much more dramatic and powerful as Paddy relates how Jesse met his end. ”All his plans/ Crafted and clever/ Fated unborn/ Unfinished forever.” “Jesse James bolero” is a much more solid song, with full instrumentation and backing vocals from Wendy, which have been missing for a little while now. Nice banjo in the middle, great little touch. The two songs are great, but really it's hard to play them apart, as they really do run together, and they're a great example of something that becomes more than the sum of its parts. A minor masterpiece.

After that, “Moon dog” is a little ordinary, but still a great little song, with a lovely whistling keyboard intro, kind of reminscent of Deacon Blue's “The very thing” . Pulsating little piano runs as Paddy bemoans the destruction of natural resources as he sings ”We chopped a billion trees/ To print up eulogies.” Not entirely sure, but I think he's annoyed that the USA were the ones to make it to the moon, after all the hurt they caused on the Earth. Like I say, hard to get into his head vis a vis the meaning of his lyrics, but you can definitely enjoy the songs. “All the world loves lovers” is a simple mid-paced half-ballad, with sweeping keyboards and a boppy beat as Paddy tells his lover ”You and I won't lose our heads/ Like other lovers do/ Thinking this will last forever/ When it's just a year or two.” Pragmatic, but hardly likely. One of the shortest songs on the album then, at just over a minute and a half, “All boys believe anything” showcases, finally, the lead vocals of Wendy Smith against Tom Waits-style accordion and piano, with lovely strings arrangement, and the only lyric in the whole song is the title. Lovely lonely harmonica to end.

Things pick right up again then with the electric “Ice maiden”, buzzy feedback guitar riding on keyboard lines as the song bops along and Paddy declares ”So what if tomorrow you're frozen?/ Death is a small price for Heaven!” What sounds like saxophone makes a welcome contribution here, the guitar getting a little funkier as the song goes on, then “Paris Smith” segues directly in on the back of wavy keyboards as McAloon again demonstrates his mastery of the written word: "Any music worth its salt/ Is good for dancing/ But I try to be the / Fred Astaire of words.” And indeed you are, my friend!

Tongue firmly in cheek then, he launches the band into “The Wedding March”, where he admits ”One dance whose steps/ I never could learn/ It's called the wedding march.” It's played like an updated twenties dance tune, and you could just see him in top hat and tails, dancing under the spotlight as he sings this on some vaudeville stage. It's great fun, with a very catchy melody, what sounds like mandolin and a put-on twenties voice at one point, mirambas and vibes adding to the feel of a song from yesteryear.

The absolute standout then --- and it's hard to say this, since as I've already mentioned once or twice, every song here is a potential standout --- has to be “One of the broken”. How can you ignore a song which begins "Hi! This is God here!” One of the most beautiful and simple ballads I've heard in a very long time, it's carried mostly on piano lines and light guitar, as Paddy, as God, advises "Sing me no deep hymn of devotion/ Sing me no slow sweet melody/ Sing it to one, one of the broken/ And brother, you're singin' to me.” Stunning, just stunning. And too short. But then again, just the right length really.

After that, “Michael” comes as something of a shock, its dark, dirty guitar and its almost growled vocal sounding more like something you'd expect to hear from Matt Johnson than Paddy McAloon, but it's a powerful song, as Paddy, having taken the role of God, now takes the opposite character as he sings as Satan, looking for forgiveness, asking the archangel to ”Help me write a letter/ To “you-know-who”/ I will sign it “Lucifer regrets”.” The sharp, echoey keyboard helps reinforce the Devil's frustration and panic as he says ”Can't forget his final words were/ Ain't no comeback gonna come your way/ He never could resist a sinner/ Or ignore a distress call/ Got such a fall!”

And THEN... a simple, gorgeous acoustic ballad, “Mercy” is the shortest track on the album, at a mere one minute twenty-three seconds, and is, well, just amazing. Completing, if you like, the “Satan looking for forgiveness” trilogy, it's a velvet punch to the heart. Just Paddy and the guitar, nothing else, and it's flawless. Organ keys introduce “Scarlet nights”, which for the first time gets to the kind of tempo we saw in “Looking for Atlantis”, great guitar and powerful drumming as the guys really go for it as the album heads towards its close. Those mellifluous backing vocals are back as Wendy takes her place behind the microphone again, and if this were the closer, it would have been perfect. As it is, there's one more track to go before we bid farewell to Jordan.

A sweet soul ballad, with sumptuous organ and heartwrenching singing from Paddy, accompanied by Wendy, “Doo wop in Harlem” seems to be a song in memory of someone gone on ahead, as the lyric mentions ”If there ain't a heaven/ That holds you tonight/ They never sang doo-wop in Harlem.” It's a low-key, sobering end to an album that has more rises and falls than a ride on Alton Towers, but these are only in terms of tone or rhythm or tempo, never quality, which is maintained at an almost unbelievably high level all through this remarkable album.

It may very well be the case that this is the best album Prefab Sprout ever recorded, or I might just be missing out on others of the same quality, though the latter seems hard to believe. It was nine years before Prefab released their next album, so although this was hugely successful for them, they missed the chance to capitalise on that reception and success, though I doubt Paddy McAloon was, or is, ever that bothered about pleasing the masses and having hit singles.

They're still recording, with another four albums completed and a fifth slated for release in 2011 (better get a move on guys!), but I truly believe this album must stand head and shoulders above not only their other work, but the work of many another pop or rock artist. It's an album that deservedly I believe has a very high place in my collection, and I play it often. I never skip any tracks, and I'm always freshly impressed by how incredible the whole thing is, every time I play it.

It's been said to be a concept album, but I don't really see it. There are recurring themes that keep cropping up: comebacks are mentioned in both the title track and “Michael”, and kind of hinted at in both “Moon dog” and “Jesse James symphony/bolero”, and the theme of religion (with McAloon's somewhat unique slant on it) also runs through much of the album, as do the usual ones of love and loss, childhood and memory. But I don't see any real cohesive story tying the whole thing together.

That does not in any way take from the overall brilliance of “Jordan: the comeback”. It's a stunning achievement, and a record to be treasured, listened to over and over again, and really everytime you listen to it you're likely to discover further layers that you didn't at first realise were there. If Prefab Sprout had stopped recording after this, it would have been a fitting and proper tribute to them, the very zenith of their musical and creative output. And if there ever was a comeback album, in many ways this should have been it.

TRACK LISTING

1. Looking for Atlantis
2. Wild horses
3. Machine gun Ibiza
4. We let the stars go
5. Carnival 2000
6. Jordan: the comeback
7. Jesse James symphony
8. Jesse James bolero
9. Moon dog
10. All the world loves lovers
11. All boys believe anything
12. The ice maiden
13. Paris Smith
14. The wedding march
15. One of the broken
16. Michael
17. Mercy
18. Scarlet nights
19. Doo-wop in Harlem

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Originally Posted in: The Playlist of Life
Original Posting Date: October 23 2012
Status: On Hiatus
Post Type: Review
Media: Music

(Some small, slight edits)

Okay, well in fairness I wouldn't claim this to have been one of the albums that changed my life, but it certainly changed my mind about, shall we say, independent music? Up to this, I had mostly been buying and listening to albums by either progressive rock artistes or heavy metal acts, these being the two genres I was most interested in. I would occasionally see something interesting in the world of pop, but mostly I treated the charts with contempt. If anything, that attitude has grown in later years, and I think with good reason. But up until I heard this album, I had always considered anything outside the spectrum of what I enjoyed listening to to be either inaccessible to me or just “not my thing”. Of course, with the hindsight of age and experience this attitude seems, and is, extremely naive, but then we weren't all born like Jackhammer, with an insatiable need for music, any music!

Infected --- The The --- 1986 (Epic)

It was only after hearing the single “Heartland” that I took notice of The The. I think I can remember seeing them mentioned in passing in mags like Sounds and perhaps Kerrang!, but I never afforded them much notice. A band that couldn't even be bothered to come up with a decent name, I thought? Hardly worth taking the time to check out. Not only that, but my young (well, I say young: I would have been what, 23, at the time, but young in terms of experience let's say) mind had already drawn its own conclusions about this band, and had decided it was “weird” and “scary”, and the music was probably just noise. I know, I know!

The one thing The The album covers projected to me was anger: raw, unbridled rage, and I was probably reluctant to face that flood. Rich, I suppose, coming from a guy who at this point owned all the Iron Maiden albums, but then, Maiden had always come across as more theatrical to me: sure, they had the devil dancing on their album covers, but they never seemed like they meant it, like it was meant to be taken seriously. All part of the act. The The, on the other hand, seemed deadly serious. They weren't making jokes or comments, they weren't laughing at themselves, and laugh at them and you were more than likely going to find yourself with a bloody nose. If you were lucky!

Well, one thing was actually true. My impression of anger from the album was correct. If there's one thing that defines, delineates and informs an album by The The, it's anger. Raw, bubbling, almost psychopathic anger, just waiting to come to the surface through the medium of music. Of course, strictly speaking, this is one man's anger we're talking about. The The is not really a group. Not really. It's a loose affiliation of musicians who join Matt Johnson on his albums and help him out. More session men than band members, they often work on one album and then never again. Some have worked on two or three, but the lineup does change over each album, with of course one exception.

The The is the brainchild of Johnson. He's its voice, its heart, its dark, screaming soul. He writes the lyrics and music, sings and plays many of the instruments. It's his vision, his nightmare, his deformed and scowling little baby, and he guards it jealously. The subjects the songs follow are all close to his heart, from politics to social alienation and from love to death (the two being closely intertwined in his worldview, as seen in songs like “Kingdom of Rain” and “Slow Train to Dawn”), with some nightmarish dreamscapes painted along the way. In many ways, I imagine listening to Johnson's music must be similar to taking a trip, though I've never taken any drugs personally.

The album opens on the title track, with a quick acapella intro which is very shortly joined by bass and electronic drum patterns, guitar sqealing its way in until Johnson's angry, contempt-ridden voice sneers its way in. This is how he sings mostly, as if he's permanently angry, or frustrated with the world around him, and the way things are; and more, that people seem to be happy to put up with it. He's like a prophet crying in the wilderness, but foretelling the coming of the devil rather than Jesus. A warning, not a joyous prophecy. His voice drops into lower registers that make you think he's gritting his teeth, which he may be, and the backing vocals only throw his style into sharper relief. Some sax in the title track doesn't somehow seem out of place, and though an angry song, like most if not all of this album, it's uptempo and upbeat in terms of music. The dangers presented by love, or by getting caught by it, are spat out by him when he snarls ”Infect me with your love/ Nurse me into sickness/ Nurse me back to health” and it's a great powerful starter for the album, with a sharp echoey guitar ending.

It's followed by a slower, laidback song which opens on lone guitar with a little sax backing, then Johnson's vocal comes in as he tells his tale of woe in “Out of the Blue, Into the Fire”, saying “I thought if I acted like someone else/ I'd feel more comfortable in myself.” And so he enters into a one-night stand, but there's no love or romance involved: this is pure sex and when it's over he feels totally disgusted with himself, and with his paramour. He's less than gallant as he sneers ”She was lying on her back/ With her lips parted/ Squealing like a stuck pig” At this point the music gets heavier, particularly the percussion which hammers perhaps like Johnson's conscience as he realises he's made a mistake, but it's too late to turn back now. Great bit of strings at the end as the song fades out on female vocals, not sure who though.

The single is next, the one I heard that turned me on to The The's music. Sharp upbeat piano runs “Heartland” in, another deceptively upbeat song in which Johnson accuses the government of taking their orders from the USA, as he snaps ”All the bankers getting sweaty/ Beneath their white collars/ As the pound in our pockets/ Turns into a dollar/ This is the 51st state of the USA.” Great piano work on this, which really helps make the song, but it's the lyrics that paint such a stark, bleak picture of England: ”The stains on the heartland/ Will never be removed/ From this country that's sick/ Sad and confused.” There are female backing vocals again, but again I can't find out who they are. It's not too hard to see why this was a single, as it is very catchy, but I'm sure a huge percentage of the people who bought the single completely missed the political motivation behind the lyric.

Matt's accusation of the USA as the mother of all evils continues in “Angels of deception”, another dark, slower song somewhat in the vein of “Out of the blue...” where he decries wars and conflicts and the reasons and excuses used for them. Much of this he puts down to the good ol' US of A, singing ”Come on down/ The Devil's in town/ He's brought you sticks and stones/ To crush your neighbour's bones/ He's put missiles in your garden/ And rammed his theories down your throat...” It gets heavier for the chorus, with crashing guitar and thumping drums, and Johnson exclaiming ”Jesus wept! Jesus Christ!/ I can't see for the teargas/ And the dollar signs in my eyes!/ What's a man got left to fight for/ When he's bought his freedom?” It then goes into something of an almost gospel-tinged chant, the music beginning on single guitar, which becomes a full chorus then punctuated by punching drums, the chorus getting stronger and more angry, with this time the backing vocals credited to the Croquets, a big finish to take us into another American-themed song.

Whether it's meant as such or not I'm not sure, but I find that Infected can be taken as a concept album, one man's desperate journey to find himself, find something worth living for, find answers, find salvation, find redemption. Matt would probably sneer at me that I'm reading too much into his words, but you can see nevertheless from the beginning that the protagonist is looking for some sort of release, first through sex, via the first two tracks, then his journey takes him through the shattered and rundown streets of Britain, as he watches society crumble before him and try to maintain the glamourous face it presents to the world, while beneath the makeup the skin is cracking and splitting, revealing a much less pleasant visage.

Then he tries to find redemption and meaning through war, with both “Angels of Deception” and “Sweet Bird of Truth”, through to big business and cut-throat competition in “Twilight of a Champion”, till he finally ends his journey facing off against the Devil, no doubt a facet of his own personality he must face before the end. The result is left open, so that we never know if he defeated his adversary or was swallowed by him. Of course, he reeks confidence bordering on arrogance as he makes his exit from the album: ”All the vultures and crows/ Are fixin' up the tombstones/ They won't be picking the meat/ Off MY bones!” and indeed ”I'm gonna have Lucifer running back to Purgatory/ With his tail between his legs/ I'm gonna teach him a lesson/ He ain't never gonna forget!” But then, there is room for doubt as he admits ”I'm stuck between the Devil/ And the deep blue sea/ And I know that water's sucked down/ Better men than me.”

Great brass accompaniment on “Sweet Bird of Truth”, another of the singles released, which is a bit weird as I wouldn't class it as commercial or airplay-worthy really, with Matt growling in the guise of an American GI as they head to the sands of Arabia, ending up getting shot down on the way: ”This is your captain calling/ With an urgent warning/ We're above the Gulf of Arabia/ Our altitude is falling/ And I can't hold her up!” The chorus, with Johnson singing as the captain of the aircraft, is filtered through some mechanical doodad to make it sound like it's on a radio, which adds to the tension and feel of the song. Next up is the other big hit single, the one all the hipsters of the day latched onto. “Slow Train to Dawn” is a fast, uptempo song again concerned with love, or at least sex, on which Johnson duets again, this time with Neneh Cherry. Great guitar sound to the song, and again the brass is in full flight, giving the track a much more faux upbeat tone than it possesses, when Cherry sings ”Are you lying when you say you love me?” and Johnson responds “Lying when I say I don't...

If there's no actual concept behind the album, then the last two tracks are definitely linked. Yeah, that's right: there are a total of eight tracks on the album, but each one is gold. “Twilight of a Champion” opens with dark, heavy brass and then runs into a sort of twenties bass line with tinkly piano, Johnson's vocal grating and angry, with machinegun drumming on the Linn, and some touches I recognised later on the album prior to this, The The's official debut, Soul Mining. Guitars moan like wounded beasts or loom like guardians or sentinels, trying to block the path as Johnson makes his way down to his confrontation with the Devil. It's a heavy track and the last slow-paced one on the album, as the closer takes off at some speed.

It's driven by jangly guitar and peppy horns that really should work against the lyrical content, but somehow fit right in. Certainly, the uptempo rhythm of the song fits into the frustration and desperation in the music as the protagonist decides to finally face his fears head-on, win or lose. Johnson anthropomorphises this as a meeting with the Devil, a facedown, a final battle with evil. How it turns out we're not told, but it's a powerful ending and Johnson's almost calm anger and determination are evident in every line. It could of course be one last mad suicide bid, as he does mention going ”Down to the dock of the bay/ To feel the power of the waves” and that he's going to ”Wrestle with the thoughts/ Solitude always brings.” Perhaps he's just going to pick a fight; maybe he's had enough and wants rid of this life. There's a definite sense of heady euphoria though, as if this is the moment he has been born for, as if his whole life has been leading to this, and he can finally see some sense in an existence which up to now has confused, angered and bewildered him. Perhaps here, at the very end, the almost certainty of death --- his “meeting with the Devil” --- provides him a diamond-sharp clarity he has never before experienced, and he can at last see the purpose behind his life.

Or perhaps he's just insane. But it's a dramatic, energetic, adrendaline-fuelled ending. As the horns fade out in the distance, we're left with the looping sound of a slide guitar, providing perhaps a strange otherworldly effect as Johnson (possibly) dies, making his transition from life to, well, whatever lies beyond the veil.

At its heart, musically at least, Infected can be described as a synthpop album. The music is certainly dancebeat-oriented, and no doubt people danced to the likes of “Slow train to dawn” and “Heartland”, but the lyrics inside the music are not meant to be danced to. Almost like a wolf hiding in sheep's clothing, they lie in wait to jump out and kick the living crap out of you, slashing you with concealed knives and gutting you for not taking it seriously enough. This album can, and should, make you think, make you question, make you angry and make you afraid, things Matt Johnson has always excelled at. To dismiss this album as “just a dance or pop record” would be to do it a great disservice indeed, and to completely fail to grasp the true value and worth of “Infected”, and what it stands for.

As the man says himself in the closer, ”I never said I was the man I appeared to be/ Not the flesh wrapped around the bones of necessity...” If the “bones of necessity” can be applied to being the most surface level of the music, then it is wrapped in some very dark flesh indeed.

TRACK LISTING

1. Infected
2. Out of the Clue (Into the Fire)
3. Heartland
4. Angels of Deception
5. Sweet Bird of Truth
6. Slow Train to Dawn
7. Twilight of a Champion
8. The Mercy Beat

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As mentioned some time ago, the first movies I want to review are all of the Star Trek ones, so obviously much of that was going to happen here, this month. I've no chance of getting through them all, but I can tell you I've done the first four. Whether I manage any more before the end of the month is debatable but we'll see.

For now, sit back, enjoy the view of space from the viewscreen, pop your quantum headphones on and enjoy the ride!

Title: Star Trek: The Motion Picture
Released: 1979
Writer(s): Alan Dean Foster/ Harold Livingston
Director: Robert Wise
Starring: All the usual Star Trek crew plus: Stephen Collins as Willard Decker, Persis Khambhatta as Ilia
Runtime: 132 minutes
Budget: USD 46 million
Boxoffice: USD 134 million
Critical acclaim: Very low
Fan acclaim: Very low
Legacy: First in the franchise, but quickly forgotten about.
Enterprise: NCC-1701

Finally convinced they had killed the goose that laid the golden egg when they had cancelled the original Star Trek series in 1969, and having seen its phenomenal success in syndication all over the world, Paramount decided to cash in on this and began plans to revive the series, but changed their minds in 1978 and went for a movie release instead. This is not hard to understand. The late seventies had seen movies such as Alien, Star Wars and Close Encounters coin it in, and make a mockery of the belief that sci-fi was just for geeks and losers. Smashing box-offices all over the world, it seemed science-fiction and space opera was here to stay, and you could buy your next beachfront property if you hedged your bets in that area. And so in 1978 filming began on what would be the first live-action reincarnation of Star Trek since the original series was cancelled.

What resulted, sadly, was a critical and creative failure, although it did pull in the box-office receipts. It does have to be stressed though that most of those who went to see the film more than likely did so because it was after all the first Star Trek movie. There are no records for film-goers who went to see it and were disappointed: you couldn't demand your money back at the end. Not that it was that bad. But it was. Listen to this:

A huge alien energy cloud is headed for Earth, and is surprisingly immune to the photon torpedoes three Klingon warships throw at it, destroying them all in the process, and also taking out one of the Federation's monitoring stations on the way. Spock, on pilgrimage to Vulcan, is about to reach Kolinahr, the state prized by his people in which total control of their emotions is achieved, but just as the culmination of his labours arrives and he is about to be presented with the symbol of total logic, something distracts him. He hears a call from out in space, and the high priestess realises he is listening to his human emotions, and that he is not yet ready. Back on Earth, at Starfleet Headquarters an older but perhaps not necessarily wiser Admiral James Kirk demands to take command of his old ship, which is being refitted and will soon be ready to be launched on its first mission. There is one problem though: the USS Enterprise already has a captain, one Willard Decker, and he is not happy about handing over the captain's chair.

There are many new crew members, but when Lieutenant Ilia, a Deltan, boards, it is clear that she and Decker have history, although she mentions a vow of celibacy. En route, another crewmember joins them. It is Spock, but if they expected a tearful reunion the crew are to be disappointed, as the Vulcan is, if possible, even less friendly and more aloof than before. He is however able to help Scotty repair and recalibrate the engines, after Kirk had foolishly demanded warp speed too soon, taking them into a wormhole and nearly destroying the ship, certainly damaging the engines. Spock tells Kirk and McCoy that he began sensing a powerful intelligence while on Vulcan, an exceedingly logical being, and believes that his answers, which he was unable to find while on his home planet, may lie within the entity they are approaching.

With his help, the Enterprise makes it to the cloud while it is still one day away from Earth, whereupon they are scanned, and Spock says he believes there is an object at the heart of the cloud. He also detects a feeling of surprise, that they have not responded, having been contacted. Kirk refrains from assuming a defensive posture, in case this is misinterpreted by the cloud (or whatever is at its heart) as a hostile act, but when they are attacked he has no choice. Spock manages to modify their communications to allow them to send messages of friendship the entity can understand and interpret, and the attack is broken off. For now. Needing to make contact with whatever is inside the cloud, Kirk has little alternative but to order the ship to enter the cloud, despite the danger and the uncertainty. On doing so, they do indeed find an object inside; seems to be some sort of alien spacecraft. As they hold position over the craft they are suddenly probed. Spock tries to shut off the ship's computer, as the probe is running their databanks, but the probe attacks him. Next it goes for Ilia, vapourising her and then disappearing. The Enterprise is drawn inside the alien craft.

Suddenly there is a security alert and they rush to find that Liuetenant Ilia has returned. Or not quite. Her form is that of the Deltan, but the voice speaks with a mechanical monotone, and McCoy and Spock confirm it is a probe from the alien vessel, merely taking the form of Ilia, the better to communicate with them. It says it is from V'ger, and wishes to study “the carbon-based lifeforms infesting the Enterprise.” That's them: Kirk, Spock, Scotty, the whole crew. Carbon-based lifeforms. That's us. The probe tells them it is heading towards Earth in order to merge with “the Creator”, but when Kirk tries to dig deeper he gets no further explanation. He sets Decker to chaperone the probe, as he was involved with Ilia, and the probe tells him that once it has completed its examination it will “reduce all carbon units to data packets.” Doesn't sound too good for the crew of NCC-1701! Meanwhile, Spock goes out of the ship to penetrate into the inner chamber of the vessel, a risky manoeuvre but he finds inside some sort of digital holographic record of all the planets and places this V'Ger has visited. He believes it is not a vessel after all now, but a living being.

He finds a pulsing sensor at the centre of the chamber and believing it to be some sort of conduit for the intelligence driving the alien, tries to mind-meld with it, but it literally blows his mind and he floats, unconscious, until Kirk, who has gone out after him, finds him and brings him back to the ship. He tells Kirk that the alien, V'ger, is a probe from a world populated by living machines, is incapable of understanding emotion, and is going through what can only be described as an existential crisis, as it seeks to discover if this is all there is to its existence? The cloud is now almost within reach of Earth, and V'ger begins sending an old-style radio signal --- a message to its creator, which it expects to be answered. When no reply is forthcoming, the vessel, entity or whatever it is sets up powerful weapons arrays above the planet, after having knocked out all defensive systems, as it prepares to scour the Earth of life.

In a desperate ploy to save his home planet (and his own life; they're next obviously) Kirk tells the probe that he knows why the signal has not been responded to, why the creator has not replied, but he will only disclose this information on two conditions: one, the orbiting devices must be removed from around the planet, and two, he must give the information directly to V'ger. He and Spock have realised that if the probe takes them to the central processor unit of the vessel, they should be able to deactivate the devices. The probe agrees, but the devices will only be removed after Kirk has disclosed the required information. V'ger learns fast! And so they are taken into the machine, where with the benefit of an oxygen atmosphere being provided we are treated to the first ever instance of the crew walking on the saucer section of the Enterprise outside.

What they find solves the mystery. A huge alien probe, and at its heart an old Earth one, Voyager VI. V'Ger is Voyager, and it is trying to transmit its collected data back to Earth, its creator. It was launched three hundred years ago, but now has been sent back by the inhabitants of the machine world, and is trying to fulfil its mission. But it can't, as there is nobody left on Earth who knows the transmission code that will allow it to send its data. Kirk has Uhura look it up and they send the code, but V'Ger does not receive it, having intentionally (apparently) burned out the wires that make the connection with its receiver. It wants to literally join with the creator, whom it now sees as Decker, with Ilia the probe. So Decker will after all get his end away and Ilia's vow of celibacy is about to be broken in the most spectacular fashion!

Decker puts in the transmission sequence manually and he and Ilia the probe are surrounded by light as they join and science goes out the window under total Star Trek technobabble. The cloud, the probe, the orbiting devices all disappear and the day is saved as the Enterprise comes out triumphantly, having once again saved the day.

QUOTES
Kirk (on taking over the captaincy): “I'm sorry Will.”
Decker: “No, sir, I don't believe you are. I don't believe you're sorry one bit, Admiral. I remember when I took command of the Enterprise you told me how envious you were, and how you hoped to get a command yourself. Well, sir, it looks like you found a way.”
(Considering he has not asked for permission to speak freely, this could go down on Decker's record as insubordination. He is, after all, talking to a superior officer in a very belligerent and familiar way).

McCoy: “The admiral invoked a little-known, seldom-used clause called a reactivation order. In simpler language, they drafted me.”
Kirk: “They didn't.”
McCoy: “This was your idea?”
Kirk: “Bones, there's a ... thing out there ...”
McCoy: “Why is any object we don't understand always called a thing?”
Kirk: “It's headed this way. I need you. Damn it Bones: I need you! Badly!”
(You'd have to wonder at the validity of this. After all, McCoy is a doctor, this is a cloud measuring tens of atmospheric units across. What's he gonna do? Diagnose it?)

Decker: “Permission to speak freely sir?”
Kirk: “Granted.”
Decker: “You haven't logged a star hour in over two and a half years, sir. That, plus your unfamiliarity with this ship and its redesign, in my opinion sir, seriously jeopardises this mission.”

Kirk: “Full sensor scan, Mr. Spock. They can't expect us not to look them over now.”
Decker: “Not now we're looking right down their throats.”
Kirk: “Right. Now that we have them just where they want us.”

Kirk: “Where's Lieutenant Ilia?”
Probe: “That unit no longer functions.”
(Oh. What an epitaph for the Deltan officer: Here lies Lt. Ilia, of the USS Enterprise. She no longer functions.)

Kirk: “Who is the creator?”
Probe: “The creator is that which created V'ger.”
Kirk: “And who is V'ger?”
Probe: “V'ger is that which was made by the creator .”
(Circular logic at its best!)

Decker: “Within that shell are the memories of ... a certain carbon unit. If I could help you to revive those memories it might help you understand our function better.”
Probe: “That is logical. You may proceed.”
(Howay ya lad ya! )

Spock: “Captain, V'ger is a child. I suggest you treat it as such.”
Kirk: “A child?”
Spock: “Yes captain. A child. Learning, evolving, searching. Instinctively needing.”
Decker: “Needing what?”
McCoy: “Spock, this child is about to wipe out every living thing on Earth! What do you suggest we do: spank it?”

Kirk (as Decker prepares to manually input the signal): “Decker, don't!”
(It's such a sincere request; Kirk obvously sees his main competitor for the command of Enterprise about to be removed from the game, and he can't wait. He might as well have said “Yeah go on, do it.”)

Kirk: “Mister Sulu, ahead, warp one.”
Sulu: “Warp one, captain. Heading?”
Kirk: “Out there. Thataway.”
(I don't think you'll find this in the Starfleet manual of operations, Kirk me old chum!)

Questions?

Why does at least one of the Klingon warships not hit warp and get the fuck out of there when they see how powerful the alien cloud is? I know, I know: Klingons never run, but have they never read Sir John Falstaff? I mean, come on! They are clearly up against a vastly superior power, and as any commander worth his salt knows, it is no shame to retreat in the face of either overwhelming odds or from an enemy who has you completely outmatched. Besides, won't the Klingon High Command, to say nothing of the homeworld itself, need to be warned, apprised of the danger? Isn't this one time where a bit of brains should triumph over chest-beating brawn? But no: they instead fire --- with one of the ships already vapourised in seconds before their eyes --- three photon torpedoes at an entity which has already proven immune to such weapons. Are these guys idiots?

Kirk mentions that “the only starship in range of the cloud is the Enterprise”. But they're at Starfleet fucking headquarters! Are we supposed to believe that there is no other warship, starship or cruiser docked there, that the only ship moored there of consequence is NCC-1701? Seems at best unlikely.

Why does Kirk demand to be in command? Sure, we need it for the movie, but in reality, is there any justification for this? Decker knows the ship inside out, he's a competent captain. Why does Kirk think he is the only one who can complete the mission? Is he that arrogant? Don't answer. Seems to me he may just have grabbed at his only chance to get his own command again, particularly the one ship he would have wanted. A little petty? The needs of the one outweighing the needs of the many?

Spock mentions that, while inside V'ger, he saw the alien's home planet, a “planet populated by living machines”. He refers to them as “cold”, using “pure logic”. An early template for that later scourge of the galaxy, the Borg?

Memorable scenes and effects
The energy cloud is done well, but basically it's, well, a cloud with a lot of colours and things floating in it. My main plaudits have to go to the initial approach as Kirk and Scotty see the Enterprise for the first time in the movie --- I remember the lump in my throat when I saw that the first time too. After all, remember, this was the very first glimpse for us of a ship we had see carry Kirk and his crew through three seasons of television adventure, and we thought we would never see it again. A special moment. The sequence is perhaps overextended and a little indulgent, but you can forgive them for that. The scene where they leave spacedock is also very impressive.

Kirk's hubris
Never a man to listen to others when his mind is made up, Kirk is well known for pushing the limits and taking often unnecessary risks. Here, I'll be charting the moments when his overconfidence is his undoing, putting his crew and others in potential danger.

As they leave Earth, Kirk demands warp power immediately, even though everyone from Decker to Scotty advise against it: more simulation time is needed. The ship is untested, having just undergone a complete refit, and they should not be pushing things. Kirk, however, as usual listens to nobody, with the result that they nearly end up colliding with a wormhole in space and ending their mission before it has even begun. He is forced into an embarrassing climbdown, and it won't be the last time he has to admit he was wrong, or at least too hasty in ordering something. Also, while in the wormhole they encounter an object in their path. With helm unresponsive, they can't avoid it and Kirk orders phasers to fire, but Decker, knowing the new ship better, countermands the order and uses the photon torpedoes instead.

Themes and motifs
Certainly the theme of homecomings is evident here, and not surprisingly so. This is, after all, the return of Star Trek to the screen, albeit the big one too. But apart from that, it's a sort of homecoming for Kirk, who has been flying a desk for some years now and has almost forcibly changed that to ensure he has returned to the captain's chair. V'ger has its own sort of homecoming, returning to the planet from which it was launched, although certainly it comes back a changed probe, with a somewhat skewed idea of its mission! It's also a return for Decker and Ilia, as they meet again after an unspecified but not hard to guess at liaison on her home planet.

There's a theme too, though, I feel, of helplessness. Kirk feels helpless as an admiral, unable to take command of a starship as he has been used to, until he forces Starfleet's hand and convinces them to give him his old ship back. Helpless describes Decker, relieved of command and now subservient to a man he does not like, and whom, he knows, is angling for permanent command of the Enterprise. The Earth is helpless before the attack of V'Ger, and even V'ger is, to some extent, helpless, as it tries to work out what it is supposed to be doing, and how it is to do it.

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Parallels
The plotline follows basically the same as a TOS episode called “The changeling”, in which an Earth probe returns, having collided with an alien probe, and, well, goes a bit loopy. Essentially, Kirk does the same here as he did there (or tries to): pretends he is the one the probe is seeking.

The relationship between Decker and Ilia, or at least their initial reunion, is mirrored almost exactly by the same scene in TNG when Riker and Troi meet on the Enterprise.

And isn’t that…?
Two cameos at the beginning of the movie for Grace Lee Whitney, returning as Janice Rand, promoted after all this time from Yeoman to Commander, who handles the disastrous transport of Sovak and another crewman, the fault in the teleporter resulting in their grisly deaths. The commander of Epsilon 9 monitoring station is none other than the late Mark Lenard, who played the Romulan commander in “Balance of terror” but is best known for playing Spock’s father, Sarek, in both TOS and TNG. He later returns as Sarek in the third movie.

Does this movie deserve its reputation?
Here I'll be looking at what is generally thought of the movie, good bad or indifferent. Does it deserve the plaudits, or indeed the derision it has earned over the years? Having watched it fresh, perhaps for the first time in a very long time, is my mind altered on how I originally received it, or does it still rock/suck, or is it still meh, or even a case of the jury being out?

The basic reputation this movie has is perhaps best encapsulated in a title my brother once jeeringly gave it, calling it “Star Trek: The Slow Motion Picture”. And he's not wrong. It's a terribly plodding, dull, uneventful movie. When you look at the later ones in the franchise, you can see how they must have agreed. There's very little action here, and no space battles at all. The only other vessels we see really, other than V'Ger, are the Klingons and they're gone within the first three minutes of the movie's opening. There's little too of the famed easy friendship between the main characters: Kirk is stilted and uptight, knowing he has overstepped his authority at least morally, in taking command of the ship and secretly unsure if he's still up to the job. Spock is even less human, having been on pilgrimage to Vulcan, and McCoy is, well, McCoy, but he's worried about Kirk. Scotty is fine, but then Scotty will always be Scotty.

The plot is wafer-thin. As I said above, it's basically cobbled from ideas taken from “The Changeling” and what was to have been the pilot for the new series, which was cancelled. It also has some elements of “2001” about it, but the resolution is ridiculous, and jumps right off the science-fiction trail into the woods of magic and sorcery. There is no scientific explanation as to why Decker suddenly becomes one with V'Ger after inputting the code, and why a new lifeform results. It might as well be magic, and it's a stupid, lazy ending. Had it ended as it should have, with V'Ger transmitting its message and Earth being saved, that would have been okay, but this pseudo-psychological mumbo-jumbo about creatures joining because someone fuses two wires.... bah!

The thing is that up to then there's very little that happens, and like a certain point in later “Generations”, when a friend at work confessed to me that she fell asleep during the scene that explained what was going on, the whole thing is very boring. It survives on one real pretext only, and that is that it was the first of the Trek movies. Everyone wanted to see the gang again, everyone was eager to see the Enterprise in action, and because of that it got what can only be described as a pass. I'd venture to bet that a very large percentage of those who went to see it came out bewildered and disappointed. In the “Questions?” section I laughed at the contention that there were no other starships in the vicinity of their fucking home base (!) but now have to ask what the hell were Starfleet doing while Kirk and Co rode to save the day? When the Enterprise, within the V'Ger cloud, gets back to Earth they still haven't launched any ships, called any back to assist in the defence of the homeworld? They're pinning all their hopes on NCC-1701, just waiting?

I'm also quite disappointed in the soundtrack. I didn't know it at the time of course, but it's basically the theme for TNG, note for note, with the odd nod back to the original theme and a few heavy bass or guitar notes when V'ger comes on the scene. Very poor. If I had to pick out things that could have saved the movie, or at least areas that impressed me, the launch of the Enterprise, the transporter accident and maybe the trip through the wormhole. That's about it. Not much in a movie that's over two hours long.

So yeah, at the end, I feel this does deserve its poor reputation. It's almost like the writers weren't trying, or maybe were trying to hard, and fell somewhere in between. The movie was overall quite boring, no real action, too wordy and without question, if she fell asleep during “Generations” then Helen would have been snoozing about ten minutes after this began. Thankfully it was the last such poor movie, and they totally upped their game for the next one. But as a debut for the film franchise it leaves a whole lot to be desired.

Therefore, having taken everything into account and approaching this both from a fresher and more informed perspective, all I can award this first Star Trek movie is a poor

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#1: Spock tells his wife and her lover to fuck off. In traditional Vulcan style, of course!
Spock returns to his home planet to fight for his mate, being in the throes of Pon Far, the Vulcan mating cycle which induces in him a blood fury. He is told by his wife, T'Pring

that there is a challenger for her heart and he must fight for her. He prepares to engage in combat with Stonn, his rival.

But T'Pring is clever; she can choose her champion and she does not choose Stonn, but Captain Kirk, who then has to fight his first officer.

and believing that he has actually killed Kirk, Spock returns to the Enterprise, leaving his scheming wife with the result she wanted. Before he goes though he pwns them both:


"Flawlessly logical", he compliments T'Pring, when she has explained her plan,that "if you won, you would not want me, and so you would leave, but Stonn would still be here. If your captain won, he would not want me and so he would leave, and there would still be Stonn." She inclines her head at the perceived compliment, but I personally believe that Spock was actually insulting her, telling her that she was unable to see beyond logic, as he has sometime managed, and more, has used logic to furnish her with the outcome she wanted.

He then turns to Stonn and says, "She is yours. You may find, after a time, that wanting and having are not the same thing."

ZING! Fuck you, Stonn! You can have the bitch! I am OUT of here! Laters bitches!
Luckily, when he gets back to the ship he finds Kirk is not dead, and loses control of his emotions for a moment. Ah, bless!

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Ch-ch-ch-changes

There were of course many changes from the original series, the first and most evident in the opening titles. Whereas Kirk spoke of a “five year mission” --- no doubt in the hopes that the series would get five seasons, no such luck! --- Picard talks of an “ongoing mission”. Ironic really, as TNG ended up running for seven full seasons, so he could theoretically have said “her seven year mission”. Also, the ship is not anthropomorphised, neither in the credits nor in the show. It is always “it” or “the ship”, never “she”, that I can remember. Speaking of gender neutrality, the original voiceover had declared that the mission was “to boldly go where no man has gone before”, but now it was “to boldly go where no-one has gone before”, so they kept the tagline but updated it for the more PC 1980s. Mind you, given Picard's lack of hair, it could have been rather unkindly changed to "To baldly go..."

The ship has gone from being a Constitution-class vessel with about 400 crew to having a complement of over a thousand and being upgraded to “Galaxy”-class. It's still powered, however, by the humble dilithium crystals that provided engine power to NCC-1701, and indeed, speaking of that, it retains the construction number but with an extra letter, so that it is now NCC-1701D. Some things are not open to that much change.

Whereas the original Enterprise was essentially a warship, an exploratory but primarily military vessel, with only the crew aboard essential to its operation, the new incarnation is more of a floating city, or at least floating apartment block, with families living there, shops and schools and recreational facilities all provided. Plus of course the Holodeck, of which more later. The primary goal of NCC-1701D is not combat, but exploration, and though it's armed as well as any warship in the fleet --- and is in fact the flagship --- Picard tries to rely more on diplomacy than brute strength in any negotiation. Of course, if that fails then the ship is more than able to hold its own.

Expanding on the multi-cultural idea central to the franchise, NCC-1701D has as part of its crew not only an android and a telepath, but one of the traditional enemies of the Federation, a Klingon, though we will find later on that the age-old “cold war” that had been raging between the two races over the run of TOS has come to an end, and they are now uneasy allies.

Oh, those uniforms! Seems for the Counsellor at any rate, the idea that drove the Original Series was still in vogue, and Deanna wears a quite short minidress, which quickly disappeared to be replaced by, um, a tight catsuit affair? Eventually her clothing would become more flattering and respectable, and her hair, down here but which will be for much of the first season stuck up in a very unbecoming bun, would soon flow loosely about her shoulders, allowing her to reveal the sexy woman who hid behind the cold mask of the half-Betazoid Counsellor.

The captain, too, is far from the genial, easy manner of James Kirk. Here, he's a tough authoritarian, a disciplinarian, a stickler for the rules. Slow to smile or see a joke, keeping himself aloof and unapproachable, he's almost a throwback in personality to Captain Pike. The difference here, and it's an important one, is that he is surrounded by interesting, likeable characters who, while they will certainly include the captain in their circle if and when he requires or demands it, are perfectly capable of socialising with each other and building their own strong bonds and relationships among one another. So although the captain might seem to be cold and unforgiving, his crew are quite the opposite, and though he will be the central figure in the series, there will be episodes which will take place around or even without him, and they will generally not suffer from his being the figure in the frame.

This is also the first time Star Trek will feature actors other than American ones (Sulu and Chekov excepted): the man in charge is English, something of a cosmic shift for US science-fiction, and portrayed as being of French descent, another first.

Holodeck Stories
The Holodeck is indeed an amazing technological marvel. Using the latest advances in dimensional hologrammatical creation, anything that can be imagined can be programmed into the ship's computer and realised as a holodeck simulation. This will lead to many stories being set on, or around, the Holodeck and here I'll be talking about how this innovation is used, whether its use helps or hinders the story, and whether, as the series gathered pace, the writers tended to rely a little too much on it for their storylines.

We're introduced to the Holodeck here, and it's totally incredible. Virtual reality to the nth degree; a real forest is created within the environs of the ship, so real that when Wesley falls into a stream he emerges from the holodeck soaking wet. Data explains it thusly: some matter within the holodeck itself has been reconfigured to make things like trees, rocks, and presumably, streams to be used in the simulation. I don't quite understand this, or whether it was an idea they stuck to, as when someone shuts the holodeck simulation off, we're left staring at basically a gridlike pattern in the room, the bare building blocks of the holodeck. So where, then, has the material that was supposed to be being converted gone? If there is nothing in the room, and if everything has been fabricated from a virtual reality programme, then why, when you leave the holodeck wet are you still dripping water onto the deck, outside the simulation? Is it because the programme is still running? But if you were to meet a hologrammatically-created character in there, one who existed nowhere else but in the simulation, and he or she or it tried to cross the threshold of the holodeck, it would vanish. We will see it happen: nothing truly “exists” beyond the confines of the simulated world. So by that logic, the water Wesley fell into should not either, and he should emerge dry.

Someone with deeper knowledge of the workings of the holodeck might be able to answer that. For me, it's a bit of a conundrum that, certainly within the strictures of the series, is never adequately addressed or explained. Similarly, if the wall is actually there physically, but “disguised as forest”, as Data points out when he throws a rock seemingly into the trees and it bounces off the bulkhead, how have they been able to walk “through” that bulkhead just a moment before? Holodeck mechanics will always confuse me. I mean, no matter how realistic the simulation is, how can you walk, drive or ride a road for an hour that is in reality situated in a space which would take you at best ten minutes to traverse? I don't think it's ever adequately explained though, so I certainly won't attempt to.

A real, live boy!
Data's continual pursuit of humanity is a recurring theme throughout the entire series. In this section I'll be cataloguing his efforts --- successful and less so --- to become as human as he can make himself, from physical changes to, more usually, the way he relates to the others in the crew, and they to him.

Even here, he has already dropped the qualifier before each sentence, as I already mentioned, and by the end he is frowning that he seems to be commenting on everything. Riker tells him to keep it up; it's a very human thing to do. Riker has already called him “friend”, which must please the android. Or would, if he knew what pleasure was and could recognise it. He reveals here that his rank of Lieutenant Commander is not honourary, as Riker had assumed: he went through the entire Starfleet Academy course and earned his uniform, just as any other living entity has to.

Family
Somewhat like the original pilot “The Cage”, the pilot for TNG begins with certain things already in motion. The new Enterprise is on her maiden voyage, to be sure, but certain relationships have already been established, or hinted at. This serves to give these characters history almost immediately and make us care about them, unlike the hamfisted way the TOS pilot went about it. Here I'll be cataloguing the relationships that spring up, fall apart, bind together and in some cases threaten to tear the crew apart.

Riker and Troi
We are given an insight into their history together when Troi communicates telepathically with Riker, intimating that they have had a previous sexual or romantic relationship. She calls him, in his head, imzadi, which we later learn is the Betazoid word for “beloved”. She talks about not having wanted to say goodbye, and asks if he remembers their last liaison. They say nothing of this to the captain, who might see this as a conflict of interest, romance in the workplace and all that. Riker must however be somehow unaware of Deanna's posting to the Enterprise, as he acts shocked and embarrassed and uncomfortable when he is “introduced” to her by the captain.

Their relationship threatens to resurface and overpower their duty when Troi shouts after Riker, worrying he may be hurt by staying on the planet while ordering her to return to the ship. He retorts coldly “You have your orders”, but some part of him must be gratified to see she still cares for him. As does he for her; when she is experiencing such strong emotions below the city that they threaten to overwhelm her, he flies to her side and apologises for ordering her to open her mind, even though he knows that it was necessary, even vital. But prior to that, afraid of being alone with her, and how it might compromise their mission, he refutes her suggestion as they are splitting up that she should go with him, and instead goes with Data.

Picard and Crusher
This is a much more low-key relationship throughout the series, but it's clear that Picard, while the best friend of her late husband, has feelings for Beverly, feelings he would never have acted upon or even admitted to while Jack Crusher was alive, and, feeling responsible for his death, will now never reveal, for fear of dishonouring his friend's memory. He believes the posting must be difficult for Crusher, and offers to approve a transfer request, until she tells him she actually requested the posting to his new command. Knowing that she therefore has --- or says she has --- no problem being so close to him, he relaxes but there will always be that undercurrent of repressed sexual tension that could explode at any moment.

Days with Data
Just for the craic, I'll be recording here some of the crazy things Data says, as he struggles to emulate and understand human behaviour. Sometimes they are quite remarkably funny, though here the only one that springs to mind is when he asks Picard to explain what the word “sneak” means, and after the captain has given him some synonyms, he takes over with more, saying “Ah yes! To slink, go stealthily, slither, glide, gumshoe.” It's not really funny, not this time, but it does serve to illustrate how literal he can take the world sometimes, and he will, trust me, come up with some howlers.

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Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018

Trollheart

Originally posted November 30 2019 in Funtasmagoria: The Whole Moving History of Animation


Arthur Melbourne-Cooper (1874-1961)

From what I can make out, the next milestone on the road to animation comes from the UK, from a guy called Arthur Melbourne-Cooper, the son of a photographer who created what is generally accepted as “the world’s first stop-motion film”. It was commissioned by Bryant and May, one of the biggest manufacturers of matches at the time, in response to an appeal to help the soldiers in the Boer War, who were struggling from a shortage of matches. You might imagine, far from home and fighting surely disease and heatstroke as well as an implacable enemy that the last thing on the minds of the soldiers was smoking, but when has that ever stopped a company getting what it wanted?

Using what would become a well-used method of filming one frame, moving the model slightly, filming again, moving it again etc, Melbourne-Cooper was able to make it seem as if the matches were animated, as two sticks figure made of them spelled out the appeal on a black wall. This all took place in 1899.

Now, let’s be clear and honest here. The voiceover on this video proudly claims “The oldest existing animated film in the world is British.” But no, it isn’t. Because as we’ve seen from our piece on our friend Charles-Emile Reynaud, a version of his Pauvre Pierrot is still around, albeit in a restored form, and that predates “Matches Appeal” by a good seven years. But I suppose if Melbourne-Cooper’s one, being shot, obviously, in black and white, has survived without being restored or altered for over a hundred years, then maybe she has a point. Whatever the case, it’s an impressive little bit, both of animation and of advertising, pulling at the heart (and purse) strings of the viewer, both by dint of their patriotic fervour for “the boys abroad” and by the cuteness of the little stick figures. Well, I don’t think they’re cute but I bet many who watched that film did, and donated their guinea accordingly.

By 1908 Melbourne-Cooper had progressed in leaps and bounds (for the time) and had moved on to be able to shoot a live-action movie with stop-motion (or, as it was called at the time, frame-by-frame) animation in the fantasy short film “Dreams of Toyland”. In the movie, a woman takes her son to a toyshop, where a distinctly sinister-looking shopkeeper sells her some toys. In quite a clever move, one of the toys she buys, a large omnibus, has an advertisement on it proclaiming the title of the film. That’s all very well and good as far as it goes, but nothing terribly innovative. Yet.

It’s when the child goes to bed that things start to get interesting. Suddenly the scene zooms in, and we see the toys all arranged as if they’re in their own little city. People cross roads while horses and carts move along them and that big omnibus makes its slow way down the thoroughfare. One of the soft toys (think it might be a golliwog - wouldn’t be allowed these days!) - even drives the omnibus while other toys, including a white teddy bear, climb on board. However in helping I think a monkey on to the bus the bear overbalances and falls off the bus. Oh dear! But he’s not hurt (when ever is anyone in cartoons or animation, or when does it ever matter?) in fact he starts fighting with.. yes I’m sure that’s a golliwog. So you have a white bear fighting a toy notoriously recognised as a black person. Whether innocently or no, whether making a political/racial statement or just completely coincidentally, you have perhaps the first filmed occurrence of a race fight on screen!

Now it looks like the golliwog is stealing some drunk’s bag and running off, and then being tackled by a monkey. Are they fighting or dancing? If the former, there’s a very violent subtext to this film! Now a guy on stilts is joining in and - no, they’re all dancing now. Definitely dancing. And now they’ve been run over by the omnibus! Oh look! Here’s that troublesome white bear back, and he’s riding a train. And he’s, um, ramming a monkey in the arse with it. Now the monkey is on a horse chasing the bear and here comes the omnibus again and - it’s crashed into the bear, running him over and blowing up. Man, such violence and such a dark ending!

Amazing stuff, and if you’re totally into looking for subtexts like me, there’s racial violence, latent homosexual activity, just normal violence and road rage! Crazy. And all before World War I. Arthur Cooper-Melbourne was not just an animator, but made plenty of live-action films (as this one shows) and in fact opened two studios, one of which burned down, but that pesky war interrupted his schedule and though he made some animated advertisments for cinemas after the war, opening an ad agency, he retired in 1940 and died in 1961.

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Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018