Key

Since we're apparently throwing the baton out the window for any sort of music related or media related journals at this site, I feel it's only fair that I create a journal where I can throw the rest of my bull**** into. I don't really expect this to go well, but hey, if Trollheart can get away with making 100 journals about different topics (although pointless) why can't I?

So, you're probably asking what this journal is going to be used for. Well, it's pretty simple, though if it were you wouldn't be asking. Fair enough. This will be a space for me to jot down anything that I can't include in my music journal and gaming journal (shameless plug). What does that imply? Well, it pretty much opens the door for me to go on rants about politics, or post links to the articles that I'm very proud of, or it's just to dig myself into a deeper self deprecating hole, if that's even possible at this point.

Don't worry, things that will be posted in here aren't things I'm afraid of being public. I've not really been known to express interest in my personal life give or take a few things, but that's why I want to make this place so that I can talk about those things, look for advice, and whatever else that pops into my head.

You may not realize it, but i'm a complicated individual. I don't show it very often more because my self esteem is basically non existent. I'm okay with admitting that more because I'm not under the impression that it's a problem, more so it's a coping mechanism. Will this help me become a proper individual in today's societal standards? I certainly hope not. If anything, this journal is going to be filled with so much nonsense that I'll end up going crazy.

side note: if anything here is unreadable or you feel confused, don't worry about it. a lot of what i write about isn't even considered part of the english language as i don't really have a grasp on the idea altogether. and don't ask, because no, i'm not depressed. in fact, i've accepted the fact that my life is a complete **** hole and i would like to talk about it instead of sulking. better for everyone.

Key

Work

Something rather odd about living alone with your cat is the fact that you really don't know what you want to do with your life. So how does one fix that? By finding work you can do online for $$$. If you aren't aware by this point in time, you either don't listen, or don't partake in the continuous scrutiny that tends to take place at this forum. Although i've become a better person for it (if possible) it'd still be amazing if nobody has learned at this point that I do indeed write clickbait articles for millions of people on the internet. Want proof? Here's my author page:

Robert Baccetti Articles - TheRichest

Now, what are my actual thoughts about this endeavor? Simple. I'm happy with it as far as one can be happy with writing clickbait. I could be sitting in bed all day sulking my life away and before I know it, i'm 30. But instead, i'm sitting in bed all day sulking my life away, and writing my life in the form of clickbait. So, when I turn 30, I can at least consider my 20's a little bit less of a failure. When it really boils down to it, I don't mind when people say "Ki writes clickbait lollololol hahaha", that's fine because evidently it's true. The only criticism I take personally is "you don't get out much, you're not living your life. You write clickbait." Alright, fair. But just because I write clickbait for the internet, doesn't mean I do nothing with my life. Not me personally because I really don't do anything with my life, but I'm just saying. Don't assume someone doesn't do anything for their life just because they work on the internet. I forgot where I was going with this.

Anyway, I'm going to use this opportunity to highlight the first article I ever wrote. Don't worry, I won't post the whole thing:

Top 15 Things To Look Forward To In Pokémon Sun & Moon - TheRichest

About a few weeks ago, I went and looked back at that article, and to this day it's still the best article I've ever written. Over the past couple months, I've both exhausted my ability to come up with anything creative or worth reading, and although some of my articles have done really well, a lot of them haven't. And my editors know that. It's a weird place to be because I really want to keep doing what I'm doing, but I don't feel like its enough. To put it in perspective, there are people who have 3 or 4 articles only and already have 1m+ views on their articles. I have almost 40 and I'm just on the edge of 1m views. I don't really know if that matters or not, but maybe I need to really rethink what I find interesting and figure out what other people want to read.

Of course, that comes with some problems as well. I want to come off as passionate and show that I love the work I do. And honestly I really do. But sometimes it feels more like work and less like a passion. Simultaneously I understand that it takes work to make a passion grow, and perhaps once I hit my 1m views i'll feel better. There's no doubt that I'm successful, my bank could back me up on that one. For me, there seems to always be a voice in the back of my head saying "you can do better. you're not good enough. you're a piece of ****." I tried to talk to my mom about it but unfortunately it didn't really make me feel better.

While I'm doing this, it's been pretty evident at this forum specifically that I'm having an ongoing conflict with my mind and my words. Which unfortunately prompts me to speak out when unwanted and I come off looking like a psycho. I'm not denying I'm a psycho, but just understand why that is.

Anyway, if you wanna read my work, I post updates all the time, and you can find all my articles here:

Robert Baccetti Articles - TheRichest

Trollheart

Now you've got it! As Batty say, **** the rules. Write about what you want to write about. It's far more fun.

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Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018

Tristan_Geoff

I think this journal was what we needed currently. I applaud you for making it and I'm very interested in keeping up with it.

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YW Fam: All MB Music Projects Under One Roof

Emo/Pop Punk Journal

Techno Journal

Tristan_Geoff

Oh my fuck bullet ball is depressing

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YW Fam: All MB Music Projects Under One Roof

Emo/Pop Punk Journal

Techno Journal

Key

Thanks guys. Means a lot, honestly. New post will go up later today.

ChelseaDagger

I'd be willing to read this if you'd be willing to type it in JRR Tolkien format. You'd make a more relatable hobbit than human.

Key

I could try.

Key

Life: Part 1

There are times in a given day where I wonder what it'd be like if I were no longer here. Sometimes it seems like the only way to truly feel what it'd be like is to off myself. But my inner me tells me not to. Now why is that? It's pretty simple: I have something to live for. But are those things worth living for really worth living for? There are 4 or 5 separate things I think about on a daily basis, and 99% of the time, my mind doesn't stray from those 4 or 5 things. They are as follows:

-Think about the guilt I feel about the fact that my ex lives on the street and I keep seeing them at the most inopportune times. I don't have any lingering feelings for her, but I've been told that it's completely normal to feel this way. I've gone through this before with my older brother who is also in the same position. Part of my mind continues to think "i wonder what it's like living on the street in the cold" and another part of me is "they made their bed, they can lay in it."
-Should I go out today and look for a 40 hour job and use it for the sole purpose of keeping me busy and nothing else. I do a lot of sitting at home in fear of going outside that I'm at the point where I can't converse with people because I'm basically socially retarded at this point.
-How is my cat doing and is he as spoiled as he can be? When I wake up, I get my coffee, and I sit with my cat for about an hour before I get the motivation to continue with my day, which evidently never happens as I'm in the same place I've been in for nearly half a year.
-Write an article for work. Then get to the author page and feel depressed at the lack of progress I made. At that point I'm so demotivated that I turn my computer off and crawl into bed for the rest of the day. When this happens, I sit in bed for over half the day until it's bedtime, then I fall asleep.

I repeat this pretty much every day, and each thing I choose to think about, I get depressed. Which evidently leads to me coming onto this forum and going off on people for no reason. Then of course that leads me to leave the site and come back a week later. Of course, that just leads back into the circle I've inadvertently created for myself. It's a dangerous cycle and those lucky enough to have their life figured out at my age make me both jealous and apathetic.

There are also times in my life (albeit more recently) where I've considered jumping out of a 3 story window and ending it there. But I don't. I have a lot to live for, at least that's what I like to believe. When written down on paper however, you'd have difficulty finding anything in my life that's worth living for. No girlfriend, no love life whatsoever, no aspirations, no degree, no end goal. I have a cat and click-bait. Pathetic right?

Here's the deal: I live in a family and have lived in this family where it's nothing but success stories and getting somewhere in life early on. Most (or I should say 99%) of my family had their lives figured out before they were 21 or 22. They were done with college or close to it, they had the jobs they wanted and have been happy since then. I on the other hand am 25 and don't see my life getting better until the day I die. The thing is, I can't stress about it because I don't want to die thinking I stressed too much. But it's rather difficult when the rest of the family you live in is based on success stories and living life to the fullest. When I think about that, I get into a state of depression and don't bother pressing forward. Again, it's part of that vicious circle i'm in.

The last thing I deal with is people coming up to me or texting me/calling me out on my **** and telling me "just get over it, you're a good guy." You can say that as many times as you want, but it doesn't have any effect on me. I'm the epitome of a piece of ****, and I've treated people like **** in my life to the point where I feel sorry for people that get in contact with me. It's my own doing for feeling this way, I'm aware. It could be as easy as "just getting over it," but I can't do it. People around me are constantly moving, living in their homes, with their loved ones, and their pets. And what do I have? My ****ty music and my cat. Granted, I've been told I have a good way of making music, but I can't stand anything I've made. I know that's part of the self deprecating deal, but I can't get out of it.

All the while, with all of this going through my mind, I manage to do the same exact thing every single day. It's to the point where it's a ritual, and if I stray away from one instance of that ritual, I get anxious and let it defeat me from the inside. The ritual is as follows:
-Wake up
-Turn on TV and watch the episode of "Northernlion plays The Binding of Isaac"
-Drink 2 cups of coffee
-Take my cat for a walk
-Sit on computer and attempt to write
-Receive emails from potential employers, though don't respond as I don't want to stray from the norm.
-Go to TheRichest and try to write. Fail. Turn off computer.
-Go into house, make lunch, come back into room, get in bed, and waste the day.
-Go to sleep.
-Repeat daily.

That pretty much sums it up for now. That's it for Part 1. Part 2 coming soon.

The Batlord

Your profile says you haven't cracked even a million views yet. Liar.

Edit: Well in light of Ki's last post I guess I look like a bit of a douche.

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