A Journey Through The Mind of a Loner: A Kiiii Story

Key · 12-09-2016, 11:40 AM

I'd also like to thank everyone for their wonderful feedback and suggestions. I wasn't entirely sure how this journal was going to go, and I'm very happy with how it has been received. A new entry will be coming soon. But again, I appreciate everyone and their willingness to read what I'm writing. Means a lot. Truly.

Lucem Ferre · 12-09-2016, 11:51 AM

We like it because you put your pain in this journal, and then we consume it and it ages us wile you take our youth and you will eventually live for ever or some ****.

Actually, that's not something we should support, but we can't stop now because it's voodoo. Look for the crossroads.

Thelonious Monkey · 12-09-2016, 03:35 PM

I was never molested, but I was physically abused by my mother when I was young, not to count the fact that she didn't feed me and my sister properly, sometimes not even at all. I then went to live with my Grandma because I told my headteacher at school. But for some reason it never properly affected me in life. Like, it's had zero impact on my life. I never held a grudge (probably seems like I should), and I never really thought about it. And it was never something I felt to hide, since I honestly don't give a **** when I tell somebody I've just met.

Anyway, I have no idea what you're going through, I don't have social anxiety and I'm an extremely confident person. Not shy either. I will admit I'm quiet sometimes, but that's mostly when I'm working or doing work at college, since I get distracted easily. I won't give you any advice since I couldn't possibly understand what you're going through, but I sincerely hope you don't get too down and try to look at the positives the best you can. I couldn't give advice on girls, although I do agree with everybody saying to just go for it. Take a risk if you like somebody. Worked for me, all though that is in no way proof that it will work for you, but it certainly shouldn't phase you if you get rejected. I'm also 19 years old, so I most likely don't know ****, but I felt like saying something so whatever.

Zhanteimi · 12-09-2016, 03:55 PM

Ki,

My sister and I were both molested and beaten for years by our stepdad. She went on to smoke crack and strip, and I went to college and got married. But despite the seeming normality of my life, our demons were the same. On the outside everything looked fine, but inside I was dead. I was fucked up, and I did fucked up things. The difference for me was the love of a good woman. The best woman in the world. The only woman who could have saved me.

Hi, Ked!

Molestation and abuse are a breach of trust and a betrayal of love, so only love can heal the damage. That may sound corny to you, but it's true. I don't mean the trite portrayals of love we often see in movies or hear in music. I mean love that endures and sacrifices. Nothing is stronger than that.

Also, if you are suffering from PTSD as I was, two or three controlled sessions of therapy with MDMA will sort your brain out on the mental health side of things.

Tristan_Geoff · 12-09-2016, 04:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mordor

Ki,

My sister and I were both molested and beaten for years by our stepdad. She went on to smoke crack and strip, and I went to college and got married. But despite the seeming normality of my life, our demons were the same. On the outside everything looked fine, but inside I was dead. I was fucked up, and I did fucked up things. The difference for me was the love of a good woman. The best woman in the world. The only woman who could have saved me.

Hi, Ked!

Molestation and abuse are a breach of trust and a betrayal of love, so only love can heal the damage. That may sound corny to you, but it's true. I don't mean the trite portrayals of love we often see in movies or hear in music. I mean love that endures and sacrifices. Nothing is stronger than that.

Also, if you are suffering from PTSD as I was, two or three controlled sessions of therapy with MDMA will sort your brain out on the mental health side of things.

I would be careful with the MDMA thing...

Ecstasy can actually kill the serotonin levels going through your nerves so there's a large chance that you'll never feel happy again if it goes south. Just a heads up.

https://www.drugabuse.gov/publicatio...ma-do-to-brain
https://psychcentral.com/news/2011/1...oss/32282.html

Kedvesem · 12-09-2016, 04:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mordor

Ki,

My sister and I were both molested and beaten for years by our stepdad. She went on to smoke crack and strip, and I went to college and got married. But despite the seeming normality of my life, our demons were the same. On the outside everything looked fine, but inside I was dead. I was fucked up, and I did fucked up things. The difference for me was the love of a good woman. The best woman in the world. The only woman who could have saved me.

Hi, Ked!

Molestation and abuse are a breach of trust and a betrayal of love, so only love can heal the damage. That may sound corny to you, but it's true. I don't mean the trite portrayals of love we often see in movies or hear in music. I mean love that endures and sacrifices. Nothing is stronger than that.

Also, if you are suffering from PTSD as I was, two or three controlled sessions of therapy with MDMA will sort your brain out on the mental health side of things.

Ki, when you wrote about "pushing away" potential mates--yes, that is a thing. Sir was determined to prove love did not exist, for in his experience, it did not. Not only was he abused, but his mother knew about the abuse and ... did nothing. So he tried to prove that I did not/could not love him. I did and do love him, though, so here we are. I was able to show him that love was real, despite his "pushing me away".

Also, PTSD really messes you up. If you have it, I totally agree with my Sir on the controlled MDMA sessions. 2-3 should do it.

Tristan_Geoff · 12-09-2016, 04:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kedvesem

Ki, when you wrote about "pushing away" potential mates--yes, that is a thing. Sir was determined to prove love did not exist, for in his experience, it did not. Not only was he abused, but his mother knew about the abuse and ... did nothing. So he tried to prove that I did not/could not love him. I did and do love him, though, so here we are. I was able to show him that love was real, despite his "pushing me away".

Also, PTSD really messes you up. If you have it, I totally agree with my Sir on the controlled MDMA sessions. 2-3 should do it.

Please stop promoting this I'm sorry and I'm sure it worked for him but I don't want to advocate hard drug use and this could really **** Ki up easily.

Aside from that, how did you two meet anyways?

The Batlord · 12-09-2016, 05:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tristan Geoff

Please stop promoting this I'm sorry and I'm sure it worked for him but I don't want to advocate hard drug use and this could really **** Ki up easily.

Aside from that, how did you two meet anyways?

I was seriously about to ask the same thing.

Zhanteimi · 12-09-2016, 05:40 PM

Your link is about abuse, Tristan, not use. Big difference. Hence us stressing the limited time and in a controlled, therapeutic environment. Not a club, not a rave, not casually with friends.

Tristan_Geoff · 12-09-2016, 06:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mordor

Your link is about abuse, Tristan, not use. Big difference. Hence us stressing the limited time and in a controlled, therapeutic environment. Not a club, not a rave, not casually with friends.

Alright, in that case carefully describe how you did it if Ki asks, otherwise he might end up doing just that.

12-09-2016, 03:35 PM	#83 (permalink)
Thelonious Monkey Caesar is home. Join Date: Sep 2014 Posts: 876	I was never molested, but I was physically abused by my mother when I was young, not to count the fact that she didn't feed me and my sister properly, sometimes not even at all. I then went to live with my Grandma because I told my headteacher at school. But for some reason it never properly affected me in life. Like, it's had zero impact on my life. I never held a grudge (probably seems like I should), and I never really thought about it. And it was never something I felt to hide, since I honestly don't give a ** when I tell somebody I've just met. Anyway, I have no idea what you're going through, I don't have social anxiety and I'm an extremely confident person. Not shy either. I will admit I'm quiet sometimes, but that's mostly when I'm working or doing work at college, since I get distracted easily. I won't give you any advice since I couldn't possibly understand what you're going through, but I sincerely hope you don't get too down and try to look at the positives the best you can. I couldn't give advice on girls, although I do agree with everybody saying to just go for it. Take a risk if you like somebody. Worked for me, all though that is in no way proof that it will work for you, but it certainly shouldn't phase you if you get rejected. I'm also 19 years old, so I most likely don't know *, but I felt like saying something so whatever. Last edited by Thelonious Monkey; 12-09-2016 at 03:57 PM.*

12-09-2016, 03:55 PM	#84 (permalink)
Zhanteimi Mord Join Date: Oct 2014 Location: Tokyo Posts: 4,873	Ki, My sister and I were both molested and beaten for years by our stepdad. She went on to smoke crack and strip, and I went to college and got married. But despite the seeming normality of my life, our demons were the same. On the outside everything looked fine, but inside I was dead. I was fucked up, and I did fucked up things. The difference for me was the love of a good woman. The best woman in the world. The only woman who could have saved me. Hi, Ked! Molestation and abuse are a breach of trust and a betrayal of love, so only love can heal the damage. That may sound corny to you, but it's true. I don't mean the trite portrayals of love we often see in movies or hear in music. I mean love that endures and sacrifices. Nothing is stronger than that. Also, if you are suffering from PTSD as I was, two or three controlled sessions of therapy with MDMA will sort your brain out on the mental health side of things. __________________ Zhanteimi LetsTalkMusic

12-09-2016, 05:40 PM	#89 (permalink)
Zhanteimi Mord Join Date: Oct 2014 Location: Tokyo Posts: 4,873	Your link is about abuse, Tristan, not use. Big difference. Hence us stressing the limited time and in a controlled, therapeutic environment. Not a club, not a rave, not casually with friends. __________________ Zhanteimi LetsTalkMusic

12-09-2016, 11:40 AM	#81 (permalink)
Key . Join Date: Dec 2010 Posts: 13,153	I'd also like to thank everyone for their wonderful feedback and suggestions. I wasn't entirely sure how this journal was going to go, and I'm very happy with how it has been received. A new entry will be coming soon. But again, I appreciate everyone and their willingness to read what I'm writing. Means a lot. Truly.