The Batlord

Besides the molestation thing I pretty much relate to everything you've said, so you're certainly not alone in all this ****ty anxiety and self-destruction. Don't know what to say about molestation though, other than I hope the person went to prison and dropped the soap.

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The Batlord

Ah the curse 'o the Irish. I know nothing about it...

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ChelseaDagger

Apparently I missed that post?? Ditto to the soap wishes. Damn.

Kedvesem

Well, I figured I'd pop in, too, since being a girl is something I have some experience with, and since having a happy relationship with a man is also something I know about.

Chelsea is right that women want to be pursued, but a girl worth her salt will not continue to make you chase her. Yes, girls want to be chased--but the point is to be caught. Show that you want her, but do not be afraid to say, "I've said my say. Now make your choice."

Chelsea is also totally correct that girls do not want weak men, but in my experience, girls do not actually want to admit this. They say that want to be in charge. They may even think so themselves. But they are not nearly as happy when they are.

A lot of the issues I have observed in male-female interactions stem from this fundamental difference: men are much better at giving respect to a woman than they are at giving love, and women are much better at giving love to a man than they are at giving respect.

Much of what a woman says about wanting to be "respected" really just means she wants to feel important to her lover. She wants to feel loved, treasured. Men can do the "you're a person, your opinions are as valid as mine, etc., etc.," but what the girls want is to hear that they are the great treasure of their lover's life.

Women can love men, want what's best for him, even be willing to sacrifice for him, but they often retain that little attitude that he'd be helpless without them, that he's lovable but not worthy of respect.

It can be a huge mess. Knowing about it can help. I love my Sir. I adore him. He is the great passion of my life.

But I also respect him. I show him that respect in our daily lives, and I have taught our spawn to do so, too. He is the King in his house.

My Sir has respect for my opinions, for my thoughts, but more than this, he treasures me. He loves me. Pure and simple.

Chelsea is right. Women are simple. They just seem complicated because they are trying to act like they want something different from what actually makes them happy.

Ol’ Qwerty Bastard

im taking notes

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Music Blog / RYM / Last.fm / Qwertyy's Journal of Music Reviews and Other Assorted Ramblings

The Batlord

http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...ml#post1780108

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ChelseaDagger

[ignores Batty's bait]

Well said, Kedvesem. Especially the parts about love/respect. So very true. If I talked to my man the way I talked to you guys here on MB... I wouldn't have one. In fact, I think this concept is probably the most important thing to understand for a successful long-term relationship.

Ki, if you let a woman perpetually disrespect you, sure, she might love you for it... but you will grow to hate her. While your breakup wounds are still fresh, I urge you to stop trying to repress them, and instead reflect on patterns... Patterns of treatment between you and lil, the patterns that created your relationship dynamic, and where those patterns eventually led you. If you suppress the pain, you'll never learn from it.

Paedantic Basterd

First off, I want to tell you: I get it. Maybe not "it" exactly as you experience it, but I get it in my own way. When I first booked an appointment with my psychologist, my friend had to do all the research to find her, find out about their fees, how my insurance worked, had to get me the phone number, then talk me through making an appointment both before and after booking it. "Get help" was just something else that was on my long list of deadlines and to-dos; it was a project I did not have the time or energy to undertake. At its most severe, I was too overwhelmed to even think about starting the process, but as soon as the anxiety subsided, I felt like I didn't have the energy to relive those feelings in front of a professional. It took me 8 or 9 months from the date I first realized I had a problem until the problem itself was so severe I could no longer ignore it.

As for your previous forays into mental health, I can tell you both from personal experience and from years of research that the single greatest predictor of success is the relationship between the client and provider itself. You have to like the person, and everyone you meet will be different. Unfortunately, it does take some searching to find a person who you like enough to work with, and there's nothing wrong with that.

But I can attest that if you do persevere (maybe not now, but in the future), and you do find someone you like enough to talk to and to learn from, it can really help you take control back from that ice cold, leaden fist of anxiety.

The Batlord

It wasn't bait, bitch. It was a link to Ki's post.

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Trollheart

I know nothing about that movie nor do I wish to. This is real life anyway. Not in any way sure why you're apparently cheapening my situation by likening it to a romcom, but this is Ki's journal so who cares? The important thing is that I take my responsibilities exceptionally seriously. As I think would anyone in my position.

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Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018