Blank Does Whatever He Damn Well Pleases

Blank. · 10-30-2016, 03:51 PM

Today's review is The Funeral Portrait's For The Dearly Departed.

I don't know how this got on my record list. But no reason not to listen. Here we go.

Casanova (Chest LA Vie): Oh god! This is fucking awful! This is awful! This guy screams like a pussy. These lyrics feel like a three year old wrote them.

A River In Egypt: Who repped this? It's terrible! This generic Metalcore is retarded. Blegh!

Special thanks to the customer that needed help forcing me to pause this. You will be loved forever for this. Now to hit play... Oh god make it stop!

All My Circuits: ... I get it! You're depressed, now please come up with something original.

Marrow: I don't think I can keep this going. Now they think they can djent.

wait... what's this? I like this soft guitar with electronic drums.

Optimist: Well, this isn't too bad.... I take that back... This is terrible. OK, I GET IT! YOU WANT TO BE BRING ME THE HORIZON!

Who repped this? I am no longer taking your suggestions. At least Carly was decent music. This is just bad.

Wax Romantic: So close to the finish line! Almost there!

Interview with Funeral Portrait (not actual interview)
Interviewer: I would ask about your influences but you're basically a carbon copy of Killswitch Engage. So no point in that.
Funeral Portrait: Yep

Is this song done yet... nope.
...
It's over!

Final thoughts: To be fair, I'm being a bit melodramatic above. This EP isn't god awful... but it's not good. I don't mind generic music, but this in no way feels like the artists are making what they like. It feels like a label band.

Favorite track: Don't have one.

10-30-2016, 03:51 PM	#1 (permalink)
Blank. Jacob Sartorius Join Date: May 2016 Location: Dank memes Posts: 4,033	Today's review is The Funeral Portrait's For The Dearly Departed. I don't know how this got on my record list. But no reason not to listen. Here we go. Casanova (Chest LA Vie): Oh god! This is fucking awful! This is awful! This guy screams like a pussy. These lyrics feel like a three year old wrote them. A River In Egypt: Who repped this? It's terrible! This generic Metalcore is retarded. Blegh! Special thanks to the customer that needed help forcing me to pause this. You will be loved forever for this. Now to hit play... Oh god make it stop! All My Circuits: ... I get it! You're depressed, now please come up with something original. Marrow: I don't think I can keep this going. Now they think they can djent. wait... what's this? I like this soft guitar with electronic drums. Optimist: Well, this isn't too bad.... I take that back... This is terrible. OK, I GET IT! YOU WANT TO BE BRING ME THE HORIZON! Who repped this? I am no longer taking your suggestions. At least Carly was decent music. This is just bad. Wax Romantic: So close to the finish line! Almost there! Interview with Funeral Portrait (not actual interview) Interviewer: I would ask about your influences but you're basically a carbon copy of Killswitch Engage. So no point in that. Funeral Portrait: Yep Is this song done yet... nope. ... It's over! Final thoughts: To be fair, I'm being a bit melodramatic above. This EP isn't god awful... but it's not good. I don't mind generic music, but this in no way feels like the artists are making what they like. It feels like a label band. Favorite track: Don't have one. Last edited by Blank.; 10-31-2016 at 11:44 AM.