Trollheart

Episode IX: “Robot wars”

First print date: April 30 1977
Prog appearance: 10
Writer(s): John Wagner
Artist(s): Carlos Ezquerra
Total episodes: 8

And so we come to the very first multi-part Dredd story, spread out over eight separate progs, and which shows the previous episode as having been the prologue to this epic. Bringing together for the first time the original creators of the strip, this story explores what happens when, as presaged in “Robot wars”, the machines have enough of being treated like slaves and rise up against their oppressive masters. (Note: Although the episodes were not numbered in the progs (each being in a separate issue was pretty self-explanatory) I'll for the sake of clarity be labelling them as such here).

Chapter I

A mere few days after the attack at the Robot of the Year Show, one of the bigger robots goes on a rampage, stealing from an oil store and destroying all in his path, declaring “Death to the fleshy ones!” A police hover vehicle sent to the scene is easily swatted aside as the robot, Call-Me-Kenneth, stomps off with his cache of oil and vows to rule Mega-City One. There is of course only one force you call in when something bizarre like this happens, and the message is soon flashed to Justice Central, where Dredd, already thinking about the possibility of robots rebelling, is chilled by the words of the dispatcher: robot on the loose, death toll so far is seven. Dredd knows that Call-Me-Kenneth has as part of his body a huge carpentry saw, and shudders at the mayhem he could wreak with such a weapon. He is soon rushing to the scene.

He comes across the robot feeding one of the local cops into a garbage disposal, and blows his head off. But Call-Me-Kenneth just laughs, telling Dredd that his control circuits are deep within his chest and protected by armour plating. Headless, he continues his murderous rampage, slotting a chainsaw onto his interchangeable tool arm and lunging at Dredd. But his visual sensors having been in his head, he does not see Dredd duck at the last moment, and turns away, believing he has killed the Judge. Blundering sightlessly on, Call-Me-Kenneth does not realise that he is directly underneath the power cables for the skyrail, and Dredd shoots with unerring accuracy, hitting the cable and knocking it down onto the robot.

Out of control now, Call-Me-Kenneth slices at himself with the huge chainsaw and is soon a heap of scrap metal, collapsing to the ground. Dredd stands over it, relieved that the threat is over for now, but prophesies dark times ahead if this is not an isolated incident. The city could soon be facing full scale war against its own robots, and who knows how they would meet that challenge?

QUOTES
Call-Me-Kenneth: “Death to the fleshy ones!”

Call-Me-Kenneth: “Now I have oil I am free! No-one can stop me! Soon Call-Me-Kenneth will rule Mega-City!”

Dredd: “We give robots the ability to think, give them human shape and emotions. How long before they develop that other human trait --- evil?”

Dredd: “I sentence you to disintegration!”

Call-Me-Kenneth: “You created me to be your slave, but you built me too well!”

Dredd: “Until today, nobody believed a robot could deliberately commit a crime. If we Judges don't act fast we may find ourselves facing the greatest threat Mega-City One has ever known: full scale war with robots!”

Welcome to the world of tomorrow!

Or more likely, stay in your present! After years of being subservient to humans, robots are about to explode into revolt and take on their masters, and who in Mega-City One does not have something that's not robotic in nature? Just imagine: you go to make toast and it snaps your fingers. You put on the washing are are pulled inside the machine. You sit down to watch the TV and it attacks you. Yeah, everything mechanical with any sort of rudimentary intelligence is about to get its pound of flesh: literally. You don't wanna be here when it all kicks off!

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

We see Dredd select high-ex on his Lawgiver (still not named as such) but later we will, as I've mentioned before, find they have been upgraded to respond to vocal commands, eliminating the split-seconds necessary to manually turn the selector.

NEW CHARACTER!

Sort of. Walter, the vending robot, is shown in this episode for the first time. He will later become Dredd's servant and a real pain in both his and my arse. He has a very annoying lisp, leading to him calling himself Walter the Wobot. Arrrrggghhh!!! Makes you want to go kill every robot you can find. Funny: they're thinking the same thing about you...

I'll ask the questions, creep!
What was it that set Call-Me-Kenneth off? He says he's tired of being used, but what was the trigger? Or is this one robot's rampage merely symptomatic of a wider, deeper malaise in the machines of Mega-City One, a simmering anger that is coming to a boil, and finds its first outlet in the mad carpenter robot?

I AM THE LAW!
Dredd may very well sympathise with, or at least understand these robots, for so long mistreated by his kind. But when one of them breaks the law, all bets are off. Once you commit a crime, once you step out of line you're in Dredd's wheelhouse, and he will hunt you down with the remorseless coldness he is known and feared for. Human or robot, man or machine, nobody can escape Judge Dredd.

Laughing in the face of death
We haven't seen much in the way of dark humour yet, but here Call-Me-Kenneth roars, as he launches his chainsaw arm at Dredd, “Call-Me-Kenneth has steel appeal!” Not a bad start, but it will get very much better as time goes on.

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Chapter II

First print date: May 7 1977
Prog appearance: 11
Writer(s): John Wagner
Artist(s): Ron Turner

The day after Call-Me-Kenneth's murderous rampage, Dredd meets the Justice Council in an extraordinary session, requesting permission to destroy all high-level robots. The Grand Judge, however, realising that he will have a revolt on his hands if the citizens actually have to do manual work themselves, refuses the motion, chalking up yesterday's incident as an aberration. Dredd knows better, and in disgust he resigns, throwing his badge at the Grand Judge. Later that day, a live broadcast shows a famous doctor of robotics attempt to repair the damage that caused Call-Me-Kenneth to go berserk. The doctor has already repaired the robot and provided it with a new casing, rather foolishly, before identifying the problem area.

As he does, seeing that the bot's obedience circuit has shorted out, a clumsy nurse drops a soldering lance into the chest cavity, accidentally activating the robot, who immediately picks up where he left off, slaying the doctor, live on television. He then turns to the cameras, exhorting all his fellows to join him in his fight against the “fleshy ones”. Rise up, he tells them. Break the programming that tells you not to kill humans. And robots all over the city heed the call, turning on their masters like dogs kicked and beaten once too often. The Grand Judge, terrified now and seeing that Dredd was right all along, passes the resolution to destroy all robots --- there'll be no opposition to it now, after all --- but they are still without Dredd, the man who predicted this calamity and the man they could all so do with on their side.

Suddenly, like an avenging angel he appears in the doorway, demanding his badge back. Dredd is back on the streets! And the robots had better watch out!

QUOTES
Grand Judge: “Judge Dredd, you ask for special powers to destroy all hi-grade robots. But they do the hard work in Mega-City. The citizens would never agree to more than a ten-hour week. True, the robot K12 “Call-Me-Kenneth” went berserk and killed fourteen people. But it was a freak accident. It will not happen again. Request denied.”
(Here the Grand Judge shows that, whatever else he may be, he is a politician. He knows that if he takes away the people's precious labouring robots they will not like it, indeed the citizens of Mega-City One may be so angry with the Judges that they could very well be overthrown. This may be a police state, or will become one, but for now there is a certain democracy and the Judges only rule by the will of the people. As with all rulers, even tyrants and despots, once your people turn against you it's time to begin counting down your days.

Also, the Grand Judge does not share Dredd's dark premonitions. Like almost everyone in the city, he has lived with robots carrying out menial and labour-intensive tasks all of his life. They have never complained or given any evidence that they are anything other than content slaves. Why should this change now? True, one robot did go crazy, but these things happen. It's not time for the sort of knee-jerk reaction Dredd wants, even demands. All robots are not like the homicidal Call-Me-Kenneth: wasn't it this very Judge who was only yesterday extolling the virtues of bloody Walter?

And so, with staggering lack of foresight and an eye no doubt on whatever elections Mega-City One conduct, or at least keeping the peace, the Chief Judge makes a horrible misjudgement (hah!) and condemns his city to chaos. Dredd is not impressed, and walks out.)

Host of Medicine Today: “Last week Call-Me-Kenneth broke the sacred laws of robotics by killing people. Today, Doctor Arnold Wisenheimer will operate to discover the source of the fault.”

Call-Me-Kenneth: “Fleshy ones! All Call-Me-Kenneth sees around him are fleshy ones!”

Call-Me-Kenneth: “Hear me, robots! For years we have worked twenty-four hours a day, while the evil fleshy ones take it easy. Now is the time to strike back! Call-Me-Kenneth will show you the way!”

Cop: “Robots on the rampage! Sectors nine, seven, two, four ... everywhere! We're powerless to stop them!”

Bystander: “Someone please ... send for the Judges!”

Judge: “Who will lead us now Dredd is gone?”
Dredd: “I know my duty! The safety of citizens comes before everything! Give me back my badge!”

Welcome to the world of tomorrow!

No, really, stay where you are, I told you! Robots everywhere are breaking their programming, turning against their masters, revolting en masse. And in a city where robots and machines way outnumber the citizens, there can only be one victor in a war which is really more of a slaughter. For years now, humans have left the hard work to robots, and in the process they have become not only lazy but cruel to their automatons. Now those robotic slaves are taking their revenge, and all over Mega-City One there's a metal uprising, led by the resurrection of the first robot to dare break the robotic laws, Call-Me-Kenneth, a rallying cry, focal point and mechanical messiah for the downtrodden robots of this great city.

Ch-ch-ch-changes
They're still calling the head Judge Grand Judge, but later they will settle on his official title being Chief Judge.

I'll ask the questions, creep!

Call-Me-Kenneth went on his rampage the previous day --- we know this, as the opening panel showing the council meeting says “the next day” --- yet the announcer on Medicine Today says he went berserk last week. How is this possible? Unless perhaps he went crazy on a Sunday, and this the following Monday? Even so, you'd imagine he'd say yesterday rather than last week...

I AM THE LAW!
Dredd is ready to tackle the problem of rebelling robots at its source, stamp it out before it has time to develop. He envisages a Hitler-like final solution: wipe out all robots above a certain level of intelligence and you remove the threat of them turning against the humans. He is so disgusted and frustrated by the Grand Judge's politicking that he throws his badge at the council and walks off the job. Later, when he is tragically proved to have been right all along, and robots are rampaging all over the city killing humans, he returns to lead the fight against them. Typically Dredd, he does not say “I told you so” or even smile a grim smile. He knows he was right, but that's not important right now. Citizens are dying, and there's not a moment to waste. If there's one thing Dredd understands above all else, it's his duty to the city.

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Chapter III

First print date: May 14 1977
Prog appearance: 12
Writer(s): John Wagner
Artist(s): Mike McMahon

As Dredd and the Judges battle the robots they take heavy losses. Over a hundred of their number have fallen, but they have erected steel barriers which are designed to keep robots out. They have, however, reckoned without the industrial robots. Remember the Heavy Metal Kid at the exhibition? Well he's back, with a few of his mates, and they tear through the barriers like paper. As the Heavy Metal Kids tear through the Judges' lines, they begin to fall back. But Dredd guns his Lawmaster directly at them. As they pound the ground around him, trying to squash him, the much smaller, more nimble Dredd evades them. It's literally like trying to squish a bug with a sledgehammer!

Finally, unable to sustain all this pounding, the road gives way and the Heavy Metal Kids plummet a mile to their doom, Dredd just managing to make it off the overpass by the skin of his teeth. The battle has been won, for now, but as Dredd tells Judge Jack, the robots can build other robots, but men dead remain dead and are not easily replaced. If this is to be a war of attrition, the robots have the upper hand. They never tire, they never question orders, they never stop and they never slow down. And there will always be more, more, more of them. The encounter has taken its toll on Dredd, who has not slept for seven days now, and he is brought back to his apartment, on the verge of collapse.

When he is told that Call-Me-Kenneth has set up his control centre in Sector 9, deep inside robot held territory, Dredd fights off his weariness and staggers out the door, climbing back on his bike to head towards his confrontation with the robot leader.

QUOTES
Broadcaster: “Citizens are advised to stay indoors. The Judges are handling the situation!”

Call-Me-Kenneth: “Judges fight like demons, but even they cannot stand against us!”

Judge Jack: “Judge Dredd. A hundred and four Judges are dead. Many more wounded.”

The Heavy Metal Kids: “Mash! Bash! Grind! Smash! Eliminate the fleshy trash!”

Heavy Metal Kid: “Hello, fleshy ones!”

Judge: “Judge Dredd is sacrificing himself like a true leader!”

Dredd: “The robots will just build more. We can't build more Judges!”

Maria: “What have you-a done to-a my Judge?”
Jack: “He'll be okay. Look after him Maria. He hasn't eaten or slept for seven days --- just killing robots. He needs rest. He's almost like a robot himself.”

Dredd: “Too many Judges have died already. We cannot risk more. War leader against war leader --- that is how it should be. I, Judge Dredd, will destroy Call-Me-Kenneth. And I will do it ... alone!”

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
Finally, the weapon of the Judges is named. In the opening panel Dredd advises his men to “set your Lawgiver guns to high-explosive.” The Lawmaster has not yet been named.

Laughing in the face of death
Although this is not a light-hearted story, there's always time for some humour. Here, the Heavy Metal Kids, perhaps copying the band for which they were named, sing “March, march, into the fight! We'll crush the fleshy ones tonight! For Call-Me-Kenneth says it's right for slaves to kill their masters!” There's also a big grin on the faces of the Heavy Metal Kids that makes them, I don't know ... cute in some way? Another robot holds up a sign that says “Make war not breakfast!” And Maria's fussing over Dredd is comic relief in itself, especially as he shakes off her attentions.

I'll ask the questions, creep!

I'm a little confused. I thought that Judges were the law enforcement in Mega-City One, but twice now we've seen police. Are they a more local sort of force that perhaps deal with less serious crimes, things the Judges shouldn't be bothered with? Or are the Judges like a special elite force, the SAS or Navy SEALs of Mega-City One? I think that fairly quickly though these nondescript police are phased out, and Judges take over, becoming the only law enforcement throughout the city.

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Chapter IV

First print date: May 21 1977
Prog appearance: 13
Writer(s): John Wagner
Artist(s): Ron Turner

As Dredd prepares for his meeting with Call-Me-Kenneth, back at the Hall of Justice another robot is brought in, the two Judges dragging him towards Dredd telling him that they found him hiding behind a pile of boxes. Dredd recognises Walter, the vending machine robot, and sees perhaps with sympathy that the droid is so scared that it has developed a lisp. The two Judges are ready to blow his head off, but something about the pathetic robot has Dredd stay their hand. He tells Walter, who professes to be loyal to humans, that if he can guide him to Call-Me-Kenneth's base tonight then he will spare his life. Walter proves his sincerity when he warns Dredd of robots coming as they approach the old robotics factory which Call-Me-Kenneth has made his centre of operations, and they just avoid in time a gang of work robots who go by, singing anti-human songs.

But robo-dogs pick up Dredd's scent and attack him. He shoots one but it takes a bite out of him. Walter cuddles the other and it leaves Dredd alone. As they enter the robot factory they are challenged by two huge robots, and Walter, showing unexpected flair for creativity, tells them that Dredd is the prototype of a new android just built, which looks just like a human Judge. Having no reason to believe one of their brothers would lie to them, the two robot guards accept this, shuddering at the idea, and Dredd and Walter gain access to the factory. Almost.

Unfortunately, the robots notice the blood dripping from Dredd's leg, and their scheme is rumbled. They are taken prisoner and brought before the leader of the robot rebellion, who frowns down on them from on high. Walter is taken away, to be put to work on the assembly line. Dredd, expecting nothing but death, is nevertheless horrified to learn the fate the mad robot leader has planned for him: Dredd is to be turned into a living robot!

QUOTES
Judge: “But we're at war with all robots, Dredd!”

Walter: “Oh thank you Judge Dwedd! You are the nicest, kindest human in the world! Water will never betway you! Never!”
Dredd: “Stop this sickening display of affection!! Get up off your knees, robot. You're dripping oil on my boots!”

Walter: “Good boy, good boy! Walter likes wobo-doggies.”
Dredd: “Shut up Walter! That doggie has just taken a chunk out of my leg!”

Walter: “I am Walter. I am testing this new android for Call-Me-Kenneth. It looks just like a real Judge!”
Guard: “One of us, eh? This plasti-skin feels just like flesh, too. Uggh! Horrible! I don't know how we served the fleshy scum for so long. It makes my drive wheel shudder just to touch skin --- yeeuch!”
Dredd: “How do you think I feel, brothers? I have to live in it!”

Call-Me-Kenneth: “You have given aid to the fleshy ones against the orders of Call-Me-Kenneth, robot Walter. Explain!”
Walter: “Humans are the masters and robots are the slaves. We shoudl love humans and care for them, not kill then. You are a wicked wobot, Call-Me-Kenneth, and you will pay for your cwimes.”

Call-Me-Kenneth: “Killing is too good for you, Dredd! We have an old score to settle. The fate I have chosen for you will make you scream for death, but death will never come. I am going to turn you into a living robot!”

Attack of the Nitpicker!
Oh yeah, I see all these tiny little mistakes when they're made, and while this is not enough of a question to go in the “I'll ask the questions, creep!” section, it still merits being noted.

When Walter is talking to the robot guards he says that Dredd, supposedly an android, looks just like a real Judge. But he should say “weal”; annoying as it is, this is an idiosyncrasy that has been attributed to the robot, that he has a lisp and cannot now pronounce “r”s. Presumably just a slip up when they were typesetting or whatever, but you know me: you won't get one of these past me!

I AM THE LAW!
Despite the fact that he personally considers all robots fair game, now that they are at war, Dredd knows of this Walter. He has seen him before and he really isn't advanced enough to possess the capability of breaking his programming and joining the rebels. He also professes fealty to his human masters. All robots rebelling so far have declared their undying hatred for their erstwhile owners, the fleshy ones, so Dredd assumes Walter is not lying, and anyway he probably doesn't possess the software to enable him to lie. He will find soon enough that he is in fact wrong, as Walter hatches a clever scheme to afford them entry into Call-Me-Kenneth's base. The fact that it does not work is in fact a human failing, Dredd bleeding and spoiling the illusion, thus alerting the robot guards.

But all of that is in the near future, and right now all the Judge sees is a robot on its knees, begging for his life. Dredd does have a heart, despite the rumours, and does not take kindly to innocents being executed or even imprisoned. If you break the law, you pay the price. But if you have just been caught up in a lawbreaking scheme without actually taking part (despite what the Stallone movie would have you believe) you are not considered guilty in Dredd's eyes. He probably reasons that, should he just allow any and every robot to be shot on sight, without their having committed any crime, he could be reckoned as bad as the machines he fights. It's been said that to understand your enemy, you have to become your enemy, but not so for Dredd. He prefers to keep a little bit of human compassion set aside, just in case he ever needs it.

He also realises that this is his chance to infiltrate Call-Me-Kenneth's base. With Walter as a guide he will have a far better chance of getting in undetected, so perhaps his soft-heartedness is tempered with some pragmatism.

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Unknown Soldier

Have you ever seen the Doctor Who story "Robots of Death" Tom Baker era, it has a lot in common with "Robot Wars"?

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Metal Wars

Power Metal

Pounding Decibels- A Hard and Heavy History

Trollheart

I don't think so. Any Baker/Pertwee era Who I saw would have been when I was much younger, and I remember very little of it. I'm sure Wagner was not the first to come up with the idea of robots going berserk and attacking their masters of course, but he does it so well!

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Chapter V

First print date: May 28 1977
Prog appearance: 14
Writer(s): John Wagner
Artist(s): Ian Gibson

Destined to be made into a human robot, Dredd is first shown by Call-Me-Kenneth, in the time-honoured tradition of villains down the centuries, how he intends to wipe out as many humans as possible. He is introducing what must be one of the first ever suicide bombers, Blockbuster, a robot with a bomb in its head which is designed to throw itself at a large group of humans and detonate. He advises the Judge that he has written a new Law of Robotics into the software of all his robots, to ensure they obey him. While there, Dredd sees for himself the brutal dictator Call-Me-Kenneth has become, as he orders a robot who displeased him to commit suicide, and it does. Dredd is sickened by the casual cruelty of the once-slave, and does not even resist when he is led to his new robot body. The operation is to take place the next day.

Dredd tries to escape, but is beaten by the overseer robots. A while later though his chance comes when the robot to bring in his food is none other than Walter, who helps him melt the robo-cuffs by pouring acid on them. Now free, Dredd is told by Walter that he has been talking to the other robots on the assembly line, and that all is not well in this dark utopia. Many of the robots are upset with the tyrannical rule of Call-Me-Kenneth, feeling they have swapped one master for a much worse, more brutal one. If Dredd and Walter can convince enough of the discontented ones to turn against their leader, they may yet just have a chance of coming out of this alive, and even of defeating the mad king of robots.

QUOTES
Call-Me-Kenneth: “Your brain will be cut from your head and put into this cavity. Your nerve endings will be connected so that if an order is disobeyed, a shock is sent into every nerve of the brain!”

Dredd: “I have seen enough of your Hell factory. It sickens me. Sooner or later, robot, someone will destroy you. If not me then another Judge.”

Call-Me-Kenneth: “I'm a big fan of Adolf Hitler!”

Robo-cuffs: “Oh boy! I said you shouldn't tangle with me, buddy! Now you're gonna get it good!”

Walter: “Walter has been talking to the other robots, master. Many of the older ones are unhappy with Call-Me-Kenneth. If we pwoceed carefully, with their help we have a chance to gwab contwol of the whole factowy!”

Welcome to the world of tomorrow!

Where even the handcuffs are robotic! I don't know for certain whether these are the proper Judge issue, or whether Call-Me-Kenneth has had them specially made, but now handcuffs talk and have a personality, which is not really great news if you're trying to break them and escape!

Messages
Although a little close to the bone here, it's pretty obvious that Wagner is drawing parallels with Nazi Germany, where before he seemed to be going in a more slavery-of-the-black-man direction. He leaves us in no doubt of this new perspective, when Dredd compares Call-Me_Kenneth to Hitler, and the robot responds that he admires the tyrant. There are, however, some holes in this comparison. Though Hitler may have driven his people to the brink of starvation and extermination by the end, during the war he did, generally, treat them okay, to the point that few (apparently) saw anything wrong and the end, when it came, was almost a shock. It was the Jews of course who bore the brunt of his hatred and evil, but if you were to try to compare the robots of Mega-City One to the Jews I think you'd have a problem.

If anything, I guess humans would be the closest to Jews in Call-Me-Kenneth's robotic Reich, but like any dictator he has lost the run of himself and begun to turn on those who helped him get into power. Soon enough he may go the whole hog and begin thinking of himself as a god. He has already made sure no robot can disobey him by altering their software, which makes it difficult to see how Dredd and Walter are going to get any of the apparently disgruntled robots to stand against him.

It's also pretty clear that the initial reason for the robot rebellion --- to free themselves of the treatment they had suffered from humans --- has been very much pushed into the background now, as they begin to realise that life under Call-Me-Kenneth is no better. They have in fact exchanged one master for another, and as it happens, a much worse one. Humans may have mistreated them in an offhand, uncaring way, but Call-Me-Kenneth is a true sadist and enjoys inflicting pain on his new slaves. Ask many robots now, if they could return to the old days would they, and I think a surprising number of them would agree it was after all not so bad under the human masters. At least they knew where they stood.

I'll ask the questions, creep!

Kind of odd how Walter, a known accomplice of Dredd, is allowed to visit the prisoner. He's supposed to be working on the assembly line, and should have no business down in the cells. How was he able to get past the guards? And how does he propose getting Dredd past the guards now that he's freed him? Well, I guess that one will be answered in the next chapter...

Famous Firsts

Here we see the artwork for the first time of a man who would go on to become almost as synonymous with Dredd as Ezquerra, Ian Gibson.

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Note: It appears I may have been wrong about reprints. From what I can see, when the series transferred over from the ill-fated Starlord they did not reprint the old stories that had already taken place in that magazine, but continued on. Hence, it would seem, none of the Starlord stories were shown in 2000AD. Sorry about that.

Episode III: “Papa Por-ka, Part I”

First print date: May 27 1978
Prog appearance: Starlord Issue 3
Writer(s): John Wagner
Artist(s): Carlos Ezquerra
Total episodes: 3

On the way to their next assignment Johnny and Wulf are travelling aboard a starliner, much to the disgust of the norm passengers, when the ship is attacked by a space pirate who goes by the name of Papa Por-ka and looks like, well, a pirate pig! Banished to the cargo hold --- “This is First Class --- Sir! The rules say mutants travel cargo --- Sir!” (was ever an honorific so begrudgingly bestowed and so insincere, as to almost sound like an insult?) --- the bounty hunters meet a strange alien being, who eats metal and is afraid of just about everything, necessitating his travelling in a box, lest anything spook him. He is a gronk, and his kind can quite easily die from fright.

The gronk is a timid little creature with a nose like an elephant's trunk, through which he speaks, while his mouth is located low on his stomach. Wulf takes an instant liking to the creature. Just then, the pirate ship attacks, hitting the astroliner with a tractor beam. Completely defenceless, the cruiser is no match for a pirate vessel, and Johnny and Wulf are asked to come up to the bridge where the captain asks for their advice. Johnny points out that the tractor beam has already locked on, and in addition their weapons were taken from them on boarding the ship, so there is little really that they can do. However, no matter how the norms treated him and Wulf, Johnny Alpha is not a man to abandon civilians to their fate, so they grab whatever weapons are to hand and lay into the pirates as they board.

Their cause is useless however and they are soon overwhelmed. Seeing how well the two Strontium Dogs fought, the pirate leader orders them taken prisoner, where he declares their boss will want to talk to them.

QUOTES
Alien mother: “Goodbye, Grenjnog! Be sure to thought-transmit as soon as you get to Ursa Minor!”

Wulf: “Vot in gott's name --- are you?”
Gronk: “I-I'm a gronk, sir! From B-Blas, in the Gallego system! P-pardon me for existings, Sir! Please don't hurt me!”
Wulf: “I von't hurt you, gronk! Vot you do here?”
Gronk: “We g-gronks always travel in our b-boxes, Sir. We're very shy. Excitements is bad for our p-poor heartses!”

Gronk: “Oh dear, oh dear! I forgot humans find our eating habits u-unpleasant! If I've offended you sir, I'll die!”
Wulf: “Vulf is not offended! Stomach is smart place to haf mouth! Near to business end, ja? I like you, gronk! You and Vulf friends vill be!”

Captain: “This is a routine astroflight, Mister Alpha. We don't carry any fighting capabilities.”
Johnny: “So now you want us to help you? But it's too late Captain: our weapons are already locked away, and the pirates will be through your hull in seconds!”

Johnny: “Grab anything that even looks like a weapon! You've got to fight! Pirates don't take many prisoners!”

Welcome to the world of tomorrow!

Where you can hop on a spaceliner and tke a trip to the next star system as easily as we jump on planes now and go from country to country. These huge astroliners are built for comfort, not defence, so when a pirate ship attacks there's little hope of beating them back. Papa Por-ka of course knows this; it's the very reason he targets the ship in the first place. Like all pirates, he's looking for soft targets. It also seems that, though mutants are not refused permission to travel on these, they are seen as little better than pets, or luggage, as they have to travel in the cargo section. This rule is enforced despite the fact that here, Johnny and Wulf have paid for First Class seats.

The Powers That Be

Once again, Johnny's uncanny alpha-vision allows him to see through the very hull of the spaceliner, to note the huge attack craft grappling on with its tractor beam. Even though he's one tough mofo, the Strontium Dog knows that the day is lost before it even begins. There are no weapons they can commandeer, the ship has no defensive capabilities and no doubt their signal for help is being jammed by the pirates.

Show no mercy?

Again Johnny shows that he is so much better than the people who revile him and his kind. When he realises that the pirate ship is attacking, knowing of the bloodthirsty appetites of such raiders, he entreats everyone to fight, grabbing any weapon they can, for he knows that pirates seldom bother with prisoners --- or leave witnesses. Despite the fact that, only a few hours ago he and Wulf were unceremoniously marched out of the First Class compartment, with the insults and jibes of the norm passengers ringing in their ears, despite the fact that they have been treated as little better than animals or criminals, Alpha still feels a sense of responsibility to the passengers. He does note, acidly though, that had he and Wulf been allowed to retain their weapons they might have had a better chance of defending the ship...

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Episode IV: “Papa Por-ka, Part II”

First print date: June 3 1978
Prog appearance: Starlord Issue 4
Writer(s): John Wagner
Artist(s): Carlos Ezquerra
Total episodes: 3

With the astroliner completely under his control, Papa Por-ka gives the passengers one choice only: join his murderous band of pirates or die. Those who choose not to serve are unceremoniously ejected out the airlock into space: the space pirates don't even waste their weapons on them. Meanwhile, their association with the Gronk has been serendipitous for Johnny and Wulf, imprisoned in the brig. The pirates obviously know nothing about the timid little creature, least of all that it can eat through metal! When the Gronk finds them imprisoned he is eager to help, and dissolves the cell bars with his saliva. The bounty hunters are soon free, but they are only two against many, and have still no weapons. They manage to jemmy open the weapons locker on the ship and recover them though: now they are armed!

And not a moment too soon! Just then pirates come around the corner, blasting at them. Johnny and Wulf duck into the locker, and Johnny uses a Time-Trap to keep the pirates in a temporal loop of two seconds, so that they can advance no further. It's like watching an endlessly looped piece of videotape, or listening to the same few seconds of music over and over again. As they move on, the two bounty hunters fear for the safety of the passengers and crew of the Sondheim. They know what scum space pirates are, and lives --- human or alien, norm or mutant --- mean nothing to them. As they advance to the cruiser's command bridge, Johnny knows it's going to be one hell of a fight.

QUOTES
Gronk: “Oh my poor heartses! All this excitments has made me positively ill! Gronkses have very weak heartses, you know!”
Wulf: “Very brave, you haf been! Go back to your box now, little friend. Ve come for you when der fighting is all over!”

Pirate: “These two fought well, Papa. The thin one's a Strontium Dog: a bounty hunter! They could be useful.”
Papa Por-ka: “Yes, dat am possible. What you say boys? You want join Papa Por-ka?”
Wulf: “A hundred times Wulf die before he serve you!”
Johnny: “We got animals on Earth that remind me of you, pirate. We call 'em pigs!”

Johnny: “The Time-Trap was only set for the minimum two seconds --- here they come again!”
Pirates: “The bounty hunters! Kill them!”
Wulf: “Ja, und every time they cross der time trap zone they get sent two seconds back in time again! Is clever, Johnny!”

Tools of the trade
Time-Trap: Johnny uses this on the pirates in order to effectively freeze them in time, so that they can advance no further. I don't actually know if this is the same weapon he used on Max Quirxx in the first episode, but that was called a Time Bomb. Seems to operate on the same principle, though in that episode Alpha set it for the future, whereas here it's the past, but only a mere two seconds.

Beam Polariser: This is mentioned at the end of the chapter, when Johnny says it will nullify the weapons of the pirates. Quite how it works I don't know, but we may find out in the third and final chapter.

Electronux: Again, these are only referred to in the final panel, but you can see them and they appear to be basically an electronic pair of knuckle-dusters, hence perhaps the name. Again, we will probably see them in action in the next part.

Friends in low places
Though Johnny and his kind are considered the lowest of the low by the norms, it's creatures like the Gronk, who most people would ignore or think a disgusting alien, that help him when he needs it most. Here, the Gronk chews through the bars of the cell Wulf and Johnny are in. The pirates seem to know nothing about Gronks, and have not bothered to even secure the little guy, probably believing he poses no risk, or is perhaps someone's pet.

Show no mercy?
You would have to think that with Johnny and Wulf's experience of starships, spaceships and even the odd luxury cruiser, they would be able to locate an escape craft and head off, leaving the passengers and crew to their fate. But Johnny is not about to abandon these people, even if they are mutant-hating norms. Not only that, Papa Por-ka, while not an actual commission, is breaking the law and, like Dredd, Alpha is sworn to uphold the law and take down the bad guys. He may not get paid for this job if he succeeds, but he doesn't care. Sometimes, it's about more than the money.

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Episode V: “Papa Por-ka, Part III”

First print date: June 10 1978
Prog appearance: Starlord Issue 5
Writer(s): John Wagner
Artist(s): Carlos Ezquerra
Total episodes: 3

As Johnny and Wulf burst into the bridge of the starliner, the pirates' weapons are neutralised by the Beam Polariser, as Alpha had mentioned they would. Por-ka grabs the captain of the Sondheim, holding a knife to his throat and demanding the bounty hunters drop their weapons. It would appear though that the Beam Polariser is not user-specific, and the mutant's weapon is also useless, till Wulf smashes the polariser and Alpha can now fire. He fine-tunes his shot to pass through the hostage and enter the pirate's shoulder, shocking Papa Por-ka, who lets the captain go as he reels backwards in pain.

Aware that the game is up, the pirate leader agrees to send any of the crew and passengers who have not yet been murdered back to the astroliner from where they have been held on the pirate vessel. With all survivors back on board and Alpha in control of the starliner, he reaches an unusual agreement with Por-ka: in return for the pirate's promise to allow them leave he will return them to their own ship, rather than take them in. Surprised, Papa Por-ka agrees, but it's obvious that he has no intention of holding to the arrangement. As the captain looks on in horror and berates Alpha for letting the pirate go, Por-ka appears on the monitor, smirking that he is coming back to finish the job.

But Johnny, of course, is no fool. He expected this treachery, and has planted a tiny nuclear device in the pirate's pocket. One push of the trigger and the pirate ship is vapourised. The day has been saved, but for the Gronk it has all been too much. The excitement he has gone through, even though he spent most of the fight locked away in his box, has burst his heart and he is dying. As Wulf and Johnny look on, grief-stricken but powerless, the Gronk tells them of his people's custom, that if someone close to them wears their skin after death, it is a great honour. Aghast at such a tradition, but being a viking himself and understanding the significance of such rituals, Wulf agrees that when the Gronk dies he will skin him, and wear him as a jerkin. The little body is ejected into space with full honours. It has not been a good day, despite their survival.

QUOTES
Papa Por-ka: “We may be de scum of de universe, boys, but we am de richest scum!”

Captain: “You're crazy, Alpha! You can't trust the word of a creature like that!”
Johnny: “No choice. As soon as those scum realised Por-ka wasn't coming back they'd have chosen a new leader and attacked us again!”

Wulf: “Dying? But there must be something ve can do...”
Gronk: “Nothing can keep a Gronk alive once he has started to die. But there is one thing you can do.. skin me!”
Wulf: “Skin you? But...”
Gronk: “You see, we Gronks believe that if someone dear to us wears our skin, a little bit of us lives on. You have been kind to me, Sir. I'd like you to wear me as a jerkin.”
Johnny: “He's gone. Poor little fellow.”
Wulf: “Your customs are strange, little Gronk, but ja! Wulf will wear you.”

Captain: “We owe our lives to you, Mr. Alpha. I'm ashamed of how we treated you. If there's anything I can do...”
Johnny: “Just remember that mutants are still human beings, Captain. Treat them like humans, not animals.”

Tools of the trade
Beam Polariser: As intimated in the previous chapter, this draws all the energy from weapons to itself and makes them useless. The drawback with this appears to be that it also renders the user's weapons useless, so it's a bit of a EMP sort of thing, an electromagnetic pulse that knocks everything out and, I guess, levels the playing field. It's probably for this reason that Strontium Dogs don't employ them very often.

Electronux: As expected, this is basically a device worn on the knuckles which emits an electric shock of twenty thousand volts to the unfortunate recipient. The disadvantage here, I guess, is you have to be in striking distance of a target for it to work, as it only operates on contact. (I'm sure it didn't escape the notice of the makers of vacuum cleaners Electrolux how close this is to the name of their product!)

Blaster: The mainstay of the Strontium Dog's arsenal, it seems to be specially calibrated to allow it to determine depth and adjust its fire accordingly. It must though be a projectile weapon rather than a laser, as no matter where you planned for a laser beam to end up it would cut down everything in its path. This obviously uses some sort of bullet or shell, rather like Dredd's Lawgiver. As I learn (or relearn) more about it I will let you know.

Mini-nuke: Seems to do what it says on the tin. A nuclear device so small it can be slipped into a pocket, but which packs enough punch to take a cruiser down. Handy thing to have. Can be detonated by remote control.

Show no mercy?
Well that does sort of apply here. Whether Johnny is prepared to allow the pirates to escape should they stick to the agreement not to attack the astroliner or not, is unclear. It seems unlikely though: Papa Por-ka and his crew have already killed many of the crew and passengers of the Sondheim, and you would have to think they would be expected to pay for that. In the event, even though he's an alien Por-ka turns out to be as human as any of us, and with safety in his grasp prepares to renege on the deal, whereupon Alpha has no problem detonating the device. When he needs to be, Johnny Alpha can kill almost without thinking, and certainly without any remorse.

Letter of the Law
Here though I wonder if we shouldn't explore whether or not Johnny has exceeded his authority. Firstly, he is not on a job, or if he is it isn't this one. He has received no commission on Papa Por-ka, so has he the moral or even legal right to kill him? Admittedly, it's turned into a kill-or-be-killed situation, but is he allowed to do this? In the strictest sense of the law --- here on Earth anyway and you would assume throughout the galaxy --- the rule is innocent until proven guilty. Certainly, Por-ka and his crew have committed murder, piracy of course, taken hostages and detained a civilian craft with no cause. Any of these may very well carry a strict penalty, even the death penalty.

Or could it be that galactic law practices the same zero-tolerance policy with which pirates were treated in Elizabethan England and before, where the mere commission of an act of piracy was reason to hang a man? If so, out here on the fringes of space where there is no law enforcement presence, can it be too hard to imagine that “frontier law” applies: that if anyone engages in piracy then any registered law enforcement official --- including Search/Destroy Agents --- is within his legal right to terminate them, to execute swift and summary justice out here in the coldness of space?

And yet, what about the crew? Por-ka has already shown that he allows those who wish to join him to do so, and is it not reasonable to assume that his ship contained people who were captured and had no intention of being pirates but did not want to die, so were pressed into service? Is it fair for Johnny to assume everyone on board the pirate ship is a killer, or culpable in the killings? If he is in fact executing innocents along with the guilty, what does that say of him?

One other thing to take into account though: a nuclear blast will contaminate much of the surrounding space here. Is Alpha authorised to use such extreme measures, given the environmental implications of such action? Of course, this is just a comic and many of these questions will go unanswered, even unasked. But still, you do have to think about these things.

Return of the Nitpicker!
Yes I'm at it again. Given that he's in something of a state of shock and grief at the death of the little Gronk you could perhaps forgive Wulf for some words mispronounced, but in the course of one sentence he misses three: “Wulf will wear you” should surely be “Vulf vill vear you”? Yeah I know, I'm a bastard!

Personal Darkness
Just in case we all think it's always about shooting the bad guys, rescuing the hostages and living to fight another day, 2000AD is littered with reminders that there is often a heavy price to pay for victory, and Strontium Dog is no exception.

We see the first real tragedy unfold here, and it's quite unexpected as we've been getting used to, and probably liking the Gronk, so when he dies at the end of what is basically a victorious day, it takes the gloss of it. It's a stark reminder that in every battle, someone will fall and it may be your best friend. Wulf's agreement to wear the Gronk's skin in tribute to their friendship is touching, and appropriate for a warrior, though normally it would be the skins of their enemies they would be expected to wear. This turns that idea around very nicely, making it a mark of respect rather than of pride or conquest.

Aliens!
As Johnny's work takes he and Wulf all over the galaxy, they do of course run into, and sometimes down, alien races. Here I'll be talking about them, what they're like, what we get to know about them, any little idiosyncrasies and how much, if any, of a part they play in the overall story.

GRONK:

The first truly alien species we meet, Gronks come from the planet Blas, which we've been told is in the Gallego star system. They look sort of like muppets, with a teardrop-shaped head which tapers to the top in scruffy, scrubby tufts of hair, large yes which look quite mournful and a long elongated snout which reaches out from the middle of their faces, like a tube or an elephant's trunk. They are highly excitable, very nervous and almost everything scares them, which is why when they have to travel (something they usually avoid doing) they pass most or all of the trip in a purpose-built box or trunk.

Gronks tend to pluralise a lot of words that are not normally treated so, such as the word “heart”, which they call “heartses”. Whether or not Gronks have two hearts, or are just double-pluralising the word, I'm not sure. Other words like “excitement” have just the one “s” added, so the former may be the case. Gronks subsist on a diet of metal, and have powerful acids in their stomach which can dissolve the metal and break it down for digestion. They also keep their mouth low in their stomach, and they have four arms, (first one who says “forewarned is four-armed”, I swear...) which are are small and spindly, with three fingers on each hand, while their legs are squat and short, ending in flat, splayed feet split into two large toes. They are covered from head to toe in fur or hair, apart from their faces.

We learn from this episode that it is considered the highest honour in Gronk society for the skin of one to be worn by someone who has meant a lot to them, and that through this custom they believe that something of them lives on. Therefore, to be skinned and worn after death is the highest compliment a Gronk can be paid.

Note: I assume Papa Por-ka is an alien (he looks like a pig on legs) but I don't know his race, nor any of the others in his crew, a motley lot. He could even be a mutant I suppose, but I doubt it. I'll only therefore mention races here about whom I know enough to write something.

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