Trollheart

“The Two-Faced Terror, Part I”

First print date: July 29 1978
Prog appearance: Starlord Issue 12
Writer(s): John Wagner
Artist(s): Carlos Ezquerra
Total episodes: 4

On the planet Paprika (yeah ) Johnny and Wulf are waiting for the transport back to take their captured prey with them when they are advised by the local police chief of bigger fish they could fry. Seems a local hood called Billy Joe is wanted for a big reward. Johnny however has had enough of this desert planet and is not that greedy: he just wants to get back home. The chief, however, is in the pocket of their captive, a man called Spiro, and is obviously trying to divert the two bounty hunters' attention from the man who effectively pays his wages, or at least supplements them. While Johnny and Wulf wait, some local toughs decide to try their luck, thinking they can take out the two of them, but Johnny demonstrates his speed with the gun that helps earn his living by throwing a coin into the air, and while the punks are watching that he shoots and melts their guns, leaving them looking helpless and stupid.

It's the same all over: everyone wants to shoot the Strontium Dogs. Just before this latest “challenge”, a kid shot Johnny with a toy gun, but it's a safe bet that when he grows up this kid is going to want to take on a real Stront with a real gun. Realising they're going to be bothered like this as long as they hang around, Johnny decides they may as well look up this Big Joe, and they head off to where the chief has told him the crook can be found, a place whose name does not conjure up images of idyllic bliss: the Big Dusty.

Quotes

Local 1: “Stinking Strontium Dogs! Why don't you leave him alone?”
Local 2: “Yeah! Curl up an' die, Stronty!”

Spiro: “If they get me off planet I've had it. Do something, Chief! I've paid you enough for protection!”
Chief: “Keep your mouth shut, Spiro! I'll see what I can do, but those Strontium Dogs are dangerous customers to play with!”

Male punk: “He melted our guns!”
Female punk: “He cheated us!”
Johnny: “Go home to your mummy, punk. Don't bother me again!”

Cop: “They're headed out to the Big Dusty, Chief.”
Chief: “Good! They've taken the bait. You're safe, Spiro: they're never coming back for you. Because there's nothing Big Joe likes better than collecting Strontium Dog badges!”

Johnny: “Sooner or later you always make a mistake. If some big-time killer doesn't get you some two-cred punk with a home-made laser will!”

Letter of the Law

Once again, though they're on the side of law and order, Johnny and Wulf find they have no friends in law enforcement, although this time it's more a case of self-preservation and greed that motivates the police chief: if the two bounty hunters leave they take the Chief's cash cow with them, and he's not above steering them in the direction of what is obviously not only a notorious criminal but also a cop killer, or at least a killer of Strontium Dogs. Wouldn't be surprised to find there's no enforceable penalty for such a crime!

Show no mercy?

Not so much mercy, but this episode does serve to demonstrate that though they make their living hunting down criminals, Johnny and Wulf are not, unlike popular belief would have us think, always looking for the next score. Like any other man, Johnny gets tired (Wulf probably doesn't know the meaning of the word!) and here he decides initially just to kick back and wait for the transport off-world. Fate has other plans for him, though.

Messages

No real message as such, but like we saw in the first story, kids are schooled in and encouraged to display hatred and bias and prejudice towards Strontium Dogs. From the kid with the toy gun to the swaggering punks who have real weapons, everyone wants a piece of the mutant; could be seen as a rite of passage.

Houston, we have a problem!

Not really as such, but it is a little silly how concerned Wulf gets when Johnny feigns being shot by the kid. Any of us would do something similar if “shot” by a child, but Wulf looks as if he actually believes the kid has shot his partner. Then again, I suppose given the hatred against them that they encounter everywhere they go, it might not be stretching credibility too much to consider the possibility that the kid could have been using a real gun. Meh, I think it's unlikely, and I think Wulf should have shaken his head knowingly, or smiled grimly.

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“Two Faced Terror, Part II”

First print date: August 5 1978
Prog appearance: Starlord Issue 13
Writer(s): John Wagner
Artist(s): Carlos Ezquerra
Total episodes: 4

Johnny and Wulf reach the Big Dusty, and ride into a town called Immunity, above the entrance to which they note two people hangin upside down. When Johnny questions them as to Billy Joe's whereabouts, they reply that it was him that hung them up, to punish them for not paying enough taxes. Johnny snarls that they owe a criminal like Billy Joe no taxes and shoots the ropes, releasing the men, who seem more fearful than grateful to the bounty hunter: they believe Billy Joe will kill them for daring to escape his punishment. They tell Johnny that Billy Joe is also a mutant, and is the law around here. This of course does not sit well with the S/D agent. He's even less impressed when the freed men hastily begin re-hanging themselves, and one snarls that he will radio ahead to Billy Joe, ensure it's the bounty hunters who get the blame. Johnny growls in disgust at the cowards as he and Wulf ride on.

As they make their way into town, the two are ambushed by a squad of floaters, basically like hoverboards with men lying flat on them, but armed. Johnny takes out one but there are too many and in fact they're done in by the one they hit, which crashes into them. Dragged from the wreckage, they are just in time to see the arrival of Billy Joe, who, it turns out, is indeed a mutant, but one that makes Alpha look like a norm! He has two faces, one on either side, and each speak independently, as if there were in fact two personalities in one body. A little like Tweedledum and Tweedledee, except they're one person. Maybe a litlte more like Zaphod Beeblebrox from The Hitch-hiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Anyway, one face tells him he's Billy, the other claims to be Joe, and both hand Alpha a las-whip, his (their?) weapon of choice, challenging the bounty hunter to a contest.

Johnny is not very familiar with las-whips, but having been stripped of all his other weapons he has to take any advantage he is given. He's easily outmatched though, and Billy Joe has the upper hand, resulting in Alpha's defeat. As he stands sneering over the bounty hunter's corpse, Billy Joe takes Johnny's badge to add to his collection and leaves the body with a grieving Wulf, then leaves, taking his henchmen with him. What the criminal does not know is that Johnny is trained to make his body simulate death, and this is one of the times he has had to employ that skill. However, they are not yet out of the woods: if Wulf can't get him out of this desert and to some medical attention soon, it may be too late.

Quotes

Citizen 1: “Billy Joe's a mutant like you, mister – only meaner and uglier. He likes hurtin' people! He can skin a man alive with those laser whips of his!”
Citizen 2: “You don't understand. Billy Joe's word is law round these parts. He'll kill us for this!”

Citizen 1: “I'll radio Billy Joe, that's what I'll do. I'll tell him it was you who did this. Then it'll be you who gets skinned!”
Johnny: “Do that, pal. Tell him I'm coming for him.”

Billy Joe: “So this is the brave bounty hunter who came for our head. Perhaps we should introduce ourselves. I'm Billy (head turns to show different face) and I'm Joe.”
Johnny (thinking): “Severe mutation!”

Henchman: “His heart's stopped beating!”
Billy Joe: “Dead, eh? Pity. I'd hoped to do a few wrap-rounds on him.”
Wulf: “Johnny! Oh Johnny!”
Billy Joe: “Johnny doesn't live there anymore, ape. We'll take his badge as a souvenir, the rest you can keep. Now get his carcass off of the Big Dusty. If we catch you here again, you're dead.”

Wulf (thinking): “Johnny's vounds are bad. Vulf must find help soon, or Johnny vill return to der land of der dead!”

Tools of the Trade

The las-whip: Here we're introduced to the equivalent really of Johnny's Electronux, but whereas they require actual contact with the body in order to be effective, the las-whip, or laser whip, does not. It sends out a snaking whip of energy that fries everything it comes in contact with. There's evidence that Alpha has either used one or come up against one before, as he mentions to himself that the one Billy Joe uses is just like the ones on Earth.

The Powers that Be
An incredible power, or a superhuman feat of mind over matter? Perhaps standard training procedure in the Search/Destroy academy, if such a thing exists, but it seems Johnny can control every muscle in his body, including his heart. This allows him to temporarily “stop” it, or give the illusion that it is stopped, in order to fool any enemy he can't beat. However, it does seem more than an illusion: Johnny's heart must actually stop, as when Wulf coaxes him back to consciousness he speaks of a place that was very peaceful, and it's pretty obvious he has had a near-death experience.

Laughing in the face of death

It's quite amusing when the townsfolk, rather than anger Billy Joe when he sees that Alpha has freed them from the punishment he has decreed, are so scared that they attempt to hang themselves back up. As one hauls the other up he asks “Hey! I just thought of something! If I pull you up who's going to pull me up?” The other responds, as he is hauled up, “That's your problem! C'mon! Get pulling!”

Also quite funny is the automatic water dispenser in town, called a “watering hole”. It's labelled “Property of Billy Joe” and another sign proclaims “Drinks 25 cents, Wishes 10 cents” while a third warns “No bent coins!”

PCRs

Essentially, what Wagner is seeking to do here, obviously, is reinvent the Western. You have all the ingredients: frontier law, a small town in the middle of nowhere run by a brutal criminal whom the law can't or won't touch, Alpha and Wulf on some sort of sandbikes that substitute for horses. The wanted man. The bounty hunters. The scared townsfolk. It's all here. Even the las-whipping Billy Joe dishes out to Johnny is taken from the Clint Eastwood movie High Plains Drifter, where Eastwood's character is whipped to death. And then there's the Big Dusty, an obvious reference to the Big Muddy, an area of water controlled by the rich baron in the classic western The Big Country. To say nothing of the two hard-bitten gunfighters riding in to bring law to the lawless town, or at least take on its ruler.

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Trollheart

“Two-Faced Terror, Part III”

First print date: July 12 1978
Prog appearance: Starlord Issue 14
Writer(s): John Wagner
Artist(s): Carlos Ezquerra
Total episodes: 4

Staggering through the desert with Johnny in his arms (quite what happened to their bikes I don't know, but Wulf is definitely walking: you'd think it would have been easier to have loaded Johnny onto one of the bikes even if he had to leave the other one behind. Perhaps they were destroyed in the explosion earlier) the big Viking comes across a travelling circus, wherein he is able to seek help for his friend. The mysterious Madam Desire takes over, using foul-smelling ointments and salves on the bounty hunter, who lies close to death. Under her ministrations Johnny recovers and is soon well enough to be having his fortune told by the strange gypsy woman, who turns out to be not a woman at all, but a Gronk! And not any Gronk: he is the brother to the one whose skin Wulf wears.

As his strength comes back, so too does Johnny's desire for revenge. He will not be leaving this planet until he has taken care of the man who almost killed him, and when Wulf points out that Billy Joe has a virtual army at his command, Alpha merely observes that they will have to draw the big mutant away to where they can deal with him on their terms. He approaches the owner of the circus, J.J. Jubal, who he has seen is already a longtime expert with the las-whip, which he uses to train his aliens, and asks him if he can teach him to use the weapon? Jubal admits that from the wounds he saw on Johnny, this Billy Joe must be a real expert with the las-whip but he will give Johnny the benefit of his own expertise.

Under the ringmaster's tutelage, Johnny becomes proficient – and deadly - with the las-whip. The circus then posts advertisements, challenging all comers to beat “the greatest las-whip man on the planet” and offering ten thousand credits to any man who can beat him. Of course, both his arrogant pride and the fury of realising that Alpha yet lives draw the mutant to the circus, and the two meet. Deciding to dispense with the paltry sum of money, Billy Joe wishes to fight to the death, which is fine by Alpha: he never had any intention of letting the criminal mutant live anyway, after the beating he took at Billy Joe's hands.

Quotes

Alien: “Hi buddy!.”
Wulf: “Always villing to greet a friendly alien!”
Alien (grabbing Wulf): “Ah! Dinner!”
Jubal (stepping in with the las-whip): “No, young fella! Never shake hands with a Smiling Chukwalla!”

Gronk: “P-Please don't hurt me, Sirs! I -I has to pretends! Nobody believes a gronk can tell fortunes anyway, and people find us so disgusting...”
Wulf: “Vulf does not find you disgusting. Vulf haf friend who vas Gronl. See! Vulf wear his skin!”
Gronk: “That's not just any gronk you're wearings. That is my brother. It's my brother Gloppus!”
Wulf: “Your brozzer!”
Gronk: “You must have been very good friends, Mr. Wulf, if he asked you to wear his skin.”

Wulf: “Soon you be vell enough to leave this planet, eh Johnny?”
Johnny: “I'm not leaving, Wulf. I've got a score to settle with Billy Joe.”
Wulf: “Der laser man? But Johnny, he haf hundreds of soldiers to protect him!”
Johnny: “Then we'll just have to lure Billy Joe away from them.”

Johnny: “You throw that laser whip real well, Jubal. Reckon you can teach me to handle it well enough to beat Billy Joe?”
Jabal: “The one who did that to you is one heck of a laser man, son. I can teach you, but I can't guarantee you'll beat him.”
Johnny: “If I don't, I won't be comin' back to blame you.”

Tools of the Trade

The las-whip: We learn a little more about this weapon in this episode. Not only is it deadly in a fight, but with care and training it can be used just like a real whip too, delicately and with precision, as Jabal shows when using it to tame the aliens and keep them in line. He does use it as a sort of deterrent when he warns the Smiling Chukwalla away from Wulf. We also learn there is a thing called “Carlsson Rules” governing the usage of these weapons, at least, one would assume, when they're used in a competitive setting. I imagine two guys going at it out in the street is a situation where the rules would be dispensed with. Anyway, according to these Carlsson Rules, in a duel between two men the first to score a hit is usually declared the winner. This is called, apparently, “first burn”, and again I would have to expect it came about due to the potential lethal power of the weapons which, if not carefully regulated during any fight, could easily lead to the death of one of the combatant, or possibly any luckless bystander who happened to stray too close to the fight.

Show no mercy?

It's clear that when Johnny has the advertisement – essentially, the bait for Billy Joe – set up, he hopes the lawless mutant will arrive and wish to duel to the death. There is room for mercy in Alpha's heart, especially for one of his own kind, but cross him at your peril. Now he wants revenge, and he knows, and is happy that, there is only one way this contest will end. Whether the reward on Billy Joe is valid if he is brought in dead does not seem to matter to him. As they say, this time it's personal.

Aliens!
In a travelling circus such as J.J. Jabal runs, it's not surprising that there are some odd aliens. Other than the gronk, though, whom we've already met, and though we see others being trained, the only one we're told about in this episode is the Smiling Chukwalla

This large creature lures prey towards it by pretending to be friendly, and with its huge bulbous eyes and smiling mouth (thus, I assume, its name) masking the fact that its mouth is filled with sharp teeth, it then grabs the unwary with big powerful arms and eats them.

Speaking of gronks, we learn here something we didn't know, that they are powerful healers.

Return of the Nitpicker!

I won't go on about all the times Wulf's Teutonic pronounciation is missed; let's just say there are a few “w”s where they should be “v”s and leave it at that.

Friends in low places

Is it not fitting that it's in a travelling circus – traditionally, seen as some of the lowest forms of life in history – that Wulf finds help for Johnny on a planet where it's unlikely anyone else would give him the steam to try to save his friend, would probably actually do their best to hasten his death? The freak, if you will, is taken in by freaks and saved by freaks. Very appropriate.

Laughing in the face of death

The actual idea of the Smiling Chukwalla is quite funny, even though it masks deadly intent.

The gronk's attempts – before it is revealed as such – to tell Johnny's future are amusing. “You will meet a tall dark handsome man – oh dear, that's not right: you are tall dark and handsome. I'll try again. I see a long and happy life.” To which Johnny laconically remarks “A Strontium Dog living a long life? Sounds fishy to me.”

PCRs

Although not actually mentioned, Jabal's admonition about the Smiling Chukwalla surely refers back to the old song from Disney's Peter Pan, “Never smile at a crocodile”.

I also have to wonder if the surname of the circus owner – Jabal – is not intentionally Arabic, given that basically he's in charge of a futuristic caravanserai, a nomadic band that wanders the deserts of this desolate planet?

Naturally, the parallels between Johnny's studying under Jabal with the las-whip and Luke's attempts to master the lightsaber under Obi-Wan Kenobi are inescapable, and given that the time frames more or less synch up...

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“Two-Faced Terror, Part IV”

First print date: August 19 1978
Prog appearance: Starlord Issue 15
Writer(s): John Wagner
Artist(s): Carlos Ezquerra
Total episodes: 4

As the fight between Johnny and Billy Joe heats up, Alpha realises that despite the gruelling training he has undergone over the last few weeks, he is still no match for the mutant master las-whip man, and is destined to lose. And if he loses the contest, he loses his life. Figuring that of the two personalities locked in one body inside Billy Joe, Joe is the more reckless of the two, Johnny lures him in by feinting a few blows and then hits him with an uppercut. The untraditional move takes Billy Joe by surprise and he falls back as Johnny sears his hand with a cut from the las-whip. As they see their boss in trouble and rush to his aid, the henchmen of the mutant are faced by Wulf and some of the settlers, seeing their chance to be rid of the yoke of the tyrant under whom they have suffered for so long, join in to help the big Viking.

In the confusion, Billy Joe makes a run for it, but Alpha is on his tail. Playing for time, Billy Joe releases the alien monsters from their cages, and Alpha only just escapes by using the las-lash as a vaulting pole, thereby jumping over them. The escaped aliens though are now causing chaos as they rampage through the circus, while Johnny and Billy Joe face off on top of the cage. Suddenly, from up through the bars the Smiling Chukwalla reaches out and grabs Billy Joe's foot. Seeing his chance, Alpha slices through the bars with his las-whip, dropping his opponent into the waiting monster's grasp.

With Billy Joe's reign of terror ended, Johnny and Wulf depart – leaving behind, for once, grateful norms – and at his request take the gronk with them.

Quotes

Citizen 1: “Billy Joe's been preying on us for too long! Those bounty hunters need help!”
Citizen 2: “Then let's give it to them!”

Billy Joe (slicing the cage open): “This is a jailbreak! Out, you critters! Out!”

Billy Joe: “I'm helpless! Don't do it, Stronty!”
Johnny: “When did you ever show mercy, Billy Joe? You terrorised a whole territory with your laser lash. Well, the last lash is on you!”

Gronk: “I'm tired of being a gypsy woman, Mr. Johnny sir. I want to go with you and have adventures. I could be useful. I'm very good at doctorings and much braver than my brother. Why I bets I could even help you in fights against monsters and criminals!”

Show no mercy?

And he does not. As he says himself, Billy Joe has mercilessly oppressed the Big Dusty, setting himself up as a self-styled governor or king, and Johnny has no idea how many innocent people have paid the price of transgressing his rules and laws. So when there is finally an opportunity for him to show mercy, and where he often would – especially given that Billy Joe is a mutant like him – Alpha chooses to show none, and delivers the big mutant into the waiting arms and hungry jaws of the Smiling Chukwalla.

Laughing in the face of death

As he will be throughout the series, the gronk provides much-needed comic relief when, trying to talk himself up as “braver than his brother” (which surely is not saying much, though again the original gronk did rescue Johnny and Wulf, which would be seen as a very brave act by these timid little creatures) he is terrified when Johnny pops a paper bag, and jumps into his box in fright.

And the less said about Johnny's "last lash is on you" quip, really, the better.

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When I first featured this series I mentioned that it grew from an original idea to create a series of comic strips based off rock music, and therefore went under the umbrella term of “Comic Rock.” However, the series never took off, but in its wake it did give birth to Nemesis, one of the most enduring characters in the comic, and one of the most long-running. It would be a full year before he would get his own series, but after the introductory “Terror Tube” in July 1980 Nemesis was fired up for a sequel in September, this time a two part story.

“Killer Watt, Part I”

First print date: September 20 1980
Prog appearance: 178
Writer(s): Pat Mills
Artist(s): Kevin O'Neill
Total episodes: 2

On his way to an important meeting in Necropolis via tube liner, Torquemada is one of the many passengers taken prisoner when a Gooney Bird – a huge, metallic cross between Concorde and a hawk – swoops down from the sky and grabs the train. At the urging of the other passengers, Torquemada attempts to fight off the metal monstrosity by casting spells, but it is no use, and in the end he commandeers the only escape pod – life bag – on the liner and leaves his fellow humans to their fate, surely food for the young of the Gooney Bird. Finding that there are teleport lines in the area he decides to follow them to a transmitter station, where he can be teleported the rest of the way to his journey.

When he arrives at the station though he is disappointed and frustrated to be told that he cannot be beamed direct to Necropolis, as an accident involving – of all things – a Gooney Bird brought the lines down near the area known as the Sea of Lost Souls, and it is through here he must transit to get to his destination. He would be even less pleased to find that the operator and the teleport guard both work for the resistance, and as soon as Torquemada is on his way they put a call through to Nemesis, who speeds to the scene, eager to destroy his hated enemy once and for all.

QUOTES

Irate passenger: “How can I see the in-travel movie with that snurd's hood in the way?”
Terminator: “Just one more shot of you holding the baby, Torquemada. It's for your fan magazine, Torque-In!”
(Firstly, if that guy realised who it is that's sitting in front of him blocking his view he'd soon shut up. Toquemada has had people executed for less. Secondly, the black humour prevalent right through Nemesis shows itself here, and will give me much to talk about in the “Laughing i the face of death” section; here, it's the name of the fan mag that's amusing, a play of course both on Torquemada's name and the phrase “talk-in”. It's also clever how the usage of the term “holding the baby”, though used literally here as Torquemada is indeed holding a baby for PR purposes (one he will happily abandon shortly; dead babies don't grow up and tell tales of how they were left to die by the leader of Termight!) will soon come to symbolise the fact that he has the lives of everyone on the tube liner in his hands; it is his responsibility to rescue everyone, he who they look to, and he who lets everyone down without a single thought.)

Woman: “You got that life-bag for me and my baby! Oh, you good, kind man! I can't thank you enough! All those wicked stories about you aren't true after all!”
Torquemada: “I regret that my life is more important. There is still much good work for me to do.”

Torquemada (reaching safety): “I shall meditate upon their deaths sometime.”

Ticket guy: “Yeah? What do we want? We are closed!”
Torquemada: “I am Torquemada, Chief of the Tube Police. I want to go to Necropolis where I am to address the Royal College of Terminators on The Use of Pain in Torture Techniques!”
(Clever, subtle hint there)

Ticket guy: “Now let me give you some advice, sonny. Travel after six. It's peak rate now, the commuters will be beaming home. The line gets very congested and sweaty!”
Torquemada: “Just get on with it, old man, or my Terminators will pay you a visit one night!”

Operator: “This is the operator (see?). Can I help you?”
Torquemada: “Yes. Get me an open line fast, you foul-looking old ratbag!”
Operator: “Thank you sir. Trying to connect you.”

Big Brother is watching!

Yes, the Terminators may be the ever-vigilant and watchful eyes of Torquemada and the Tube Police, but there's a resistance movement headed by Nemesis, and Credo have their own eyes everywhere too. Here, both the guy in the ticket booth at the teleport station and the operator are both working with Nemesis, and pass on the information that his arch-enemy is heading into the lines where Nemesis can confront him. Without these “little people” Credo would miss such important intelligence.

Welcome to the world of tomorrow!

I have to admit, I have no idea how the teleport lines work. It would appear, at first look, to be something akin to the Star Trek transporter, in that atoms are disassembled and reassembled at the destination point, but Torquemada is shown to what looks like a large train, which the ticket guy calls the “Shockwave Express”, Torquemada boards it physically and we see it move off, so whether it gets reduced to radio signals or not I don't know. We also see people talking to each other as they transport, sitting as if they're in a train, so again I have no clue.

What is clear though is that in the world of Termight, there are two ways to travel, one being via the tubes underground, as we saw in previous and prologue episode “Terror Tube” and in the first few panels of this story, and as presumably information along a teleport line. We see items like curry being sent too, and there is an unfortunate case of crossed lines, which means a lot more in this situation than it would to us in this century! In this case, crossed lines has resulted in the – let's call them streams; I don't know how they're supposed to be referred to – so the streams then, have been mixed and so too have the bodies of two commuters, who are now fused one inside the other. Ugh.

We also see, although its genesis is left unclear, the grotesque result of either cybernetic experimentation on, or the evolution of flying machines, which has resulted in a hybrid that is mostly aircraft but which seems to act as a living being, a Gooney Bird, which captures the tube liner and takes it as food to its young. Weird.

Finally, there is the “Sea of lost souls”, which is the site of an accident caused, we are told, when one of the aforementioned Gooney Birds tried to sit on the teleport lines and which resulted in the bodies of commuters becoming hopelessly entangled with a sea of neutrons, trapped there. Does not look like fun.

PCRs
Apart from the Gooney Bird clearly being based on the supersonic airliner Concorde, the phrase also has various meanings. It can refer to an albatross (and in that context, is Mills slyly evoking the Rime of the Ancient Mariner?) or a particular type of transport plane.

The newspaper the commuter doing the crossword is reading is called the Mausoeleum Mirror, reflecting (hah) the Daily Mirror, one of the most popular British tabloid newspapers.

Along the Sea of Lost Souls, there is a surfer making his way. I don't know whether this is meant to be an early nod towards “surfing the internet”, but I kind of doubt it, as this was 1978 and the net was in its very early infancy at this point.

Laughing in the face of Death

Oh, there's so much. From the already-mentioned pun on Torquemada's fanzine to the baby misakenly calling him “dada”, which probably pleases him (even though he is leaving both the baby and its mother to die) as he surely considers himself the father of humanity. Often, he is strict and punishing, but then, what caring parent is not? It's only through discipline that children learn. There's also (perhaps) a hidden dark joke in the fact that Torquemada lands outside Terminal 13. Apart from the connotations of the number itself, the word terminal can also be applied to death, and is rather appropriate for the luckless passengers on the tube liner whom His Eminence has left behind.

Torquemada's casual mention of the subject of his lecture to the Royal College of Terminators – The use of Pain in Modern Torture has its own grim humour.

The scenes inside the teleport lines – or whatever the fuck they are: two men, as already mentioned, tangled and fused together, with a paramedic telling them there is a surgeon standing by, the annoyance of some passengers as deliveries of curry pass them and they sniff “I'd think they would have sent Dial-a-Curry on a separate signal!” The passenger musing over a crossword clue: “He's always watching you. Ten letters. Hmmm.” Even the name of his newspaper, the Mausoleum Mirror is funny.

Houston, we have a problem!

Maybe. I just wonder what the Chief of the Tube Police is doing taking public transport to Necropolis when surely he has his own private cruiser, and any amount of Terminators he can command to get him there? Mind you, it does look from the first panels as if he is using the trip as a photo-opportunity, so maybe it's a PR exercise: look at the mighty Torquemada! Even he travels with the ordinary folks. Those stories about him aren't true.

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“Killer Watt, Part II”

First print date: September 27 1980
Prog appearance: 179
Writer(s): Pat Mills
Artist(s): Kevin O'Neill
Total episodes: 2

As Torquemada heads over the Sea of Lost Souls Nemesis makes his move, rising from the depths of the ghost ocean to attack him. Caught off-guard, and more importantly, without his Terminators to protect him, the Chief of the Tube Police calls in reinforcements. However it is impossible to destroy Nemesis without the risk of injuring or even killing Torquemada himself, so they have to hold off. Nemesis's ship, the Blitzspear, wraps itself around the Shockwave Express so as to keep them together and make one target, ensuring the Terminators cannot shoot at him. However, fast as his ship may be, it seems the old Shockwave Express may be faster, and it begins to edge away from the Blitzspear, giving the Terminators the chance to launch an electocution weapon of twenty thousand “killer watts” (Kilowatts?) at Nemesis. Unfortunately for him, Torquemada is still too close and as thousands are caught in the shockwave, including Nemesis, he attempts to outrun the attack.

Rolling his final dice, Torquemada dials the College of Terminators, hoping that the teleporter there can whisk him to safety, but as luck would have it the Principal is right in the middle of an important torture, and refuses snappily to accept the call, saying he will call Torquemada back. Unable to materialise without proper authorisation and acceptance of the call, the Chief of the Tube Police is vapourised. Nemesis is luckier. He dials a friend of his, who, recognising the number and realising how urgent it must be for him to be calling her, admits the Blitzspear, which materialises inside her apartment, Nemesis inside safe and sound.

Back in the teleport lines, the “ghost” of Torquemada exults that though its body has been destroyed it is not finished, and will return to have a reckoning with Nemesis.

QUOTES

Terminator: “Your Eminence! We have located you and the deviant inside the cable. But if we electrocute Nemesis now we will also kill thousands of innocent people!”
Torquemada: “A mere technicality! But wait! Nemesis is too close! My own life would be in danger! Tell all kill-trackers to remain on standby.”

Secretary: “It's Torquemada on the line, sir. Sounds urgent.”
Principal: “I'm in the middle of a torture, girl! Tell him I'll call him back!”

Torquemada: “Though I am dead I am not destroyed, and though my body is burned my id is whole. There must still be a final battle with Nemesis in which the forces of righteousness will prevail over the deviant. I will return!”

PCRs
Well, the title is suggested, as it even mentions, by the various artistes rock album Killer Watts, reviewed by me in, I think it was, Metal Month II.

As Torquemada powers through helpless crowds in a cowardly effort to save himself, he rages at them and calls them proles. This is short for proletariat, a term for the common people, and used in its shortened form most famously by George Orwell in Nineteen Eighty-Four.

The symbol on Torquemada's hood is that of the Greek letter psi, which can often be used to indicate parapsychology, connected with the paranormal or the supernatural. Perhaps not by accident, this symbol also incorporates the cross.

Laughing in the face of Death

It's pretty amusing to see the Principal of the Royal College of Terminators conducting a torture while what are obviously students stand behind him, watching and taking notes.

The whole idea of Torquemada dying because the Principal is unwilling to interrupt his work is hilarious. Essentially, Torquemada dies of a busy phone line!

Hmm...
When Nemesis's ship, the Blitzspear, breaks through the teleporter in the as-yet unnamed girl's apartment (I'm going to assume she's Purity Brown) it looks distinctly phallic. Given that it enters close to her breasts, and that once it's through fully she sits on it looking satisfied, well, draw your own conclusions here.

Questions?
How is Torquemada going to come back? Will it be explained? Perhaps, like a pattern temporarily lost in the buffers of the transporter in Star Trek, his body can be reassembled. But will they go into this, or will we just be expected to believe – as it will be another year before the series proper begins – that it just happened, or will Mills even hope we had forgotten that Torquemada was supposed to be dead?

Who is Nemesis? So far, we haven't seen him, and the only word he has said is the name of his resistance movement, “Credo”, but whereas initially I think I believed the Blitzspear was Nemesis, you can clearly see there is a pilot. But readers of 2000 AD would have to wait a year to find out what he, she or it looked like. Readers of this journal won't have to wait quite as long. I hope.

And Death shall have dominion

Again, we're reminded of death when we see that the girl lives in an apartment in a city called Mausoleum, and of course there's another mention of the name of the capital, Necropolis.

__________________
Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018

Trollheart

Chapter IV: “Watchmaker”
“The release of atom power has changed everything except our way of thinking. The solution to this problem lies in the heart of mankind. If only I had known, I should have become a watchmaker.” - Albert Einstein.

Is there life on Mars? Well, currently, yes. Doctor Manhattan has escaped there and now sits sadly poring over a photograph of a woman, but soon his humanity, which despite his best efforts is receding, being reduced and swamped as he moves towards apotheosis, loses out and he wanders over the red planet, looking idly at the stars. He has lost interest in the woman, in the photo, and with her, all of humanity, and feels, at this moment, no further ties to, or responsibility for them. This is rather unfortunate, as his departure has left America defenceless, their main – only – deterrent removed, and the wolves are moving in. Meanwhile, lost in his thoughts, Manhattan is remembering his childhood, remembering his father, who was a watchmaker, and his own fascination at an early age with the mechanical movements and working of the timepieces. We see his father bring in the newspaper with the news of the atomic bomb having been dropped on Hiroshima, and unimpressed with the need there will be for watchmakers in this new world he convinces – orders, really – his son to give up his attempts to follow the watchmaker into his trade and study instead atomic physics, which he sees as the future.

He remembers his time at Princeton, and joining the research facility at Gila Flats, where he is shown all the new experimental machinery, including something called an Intrinsic Field time-lock test vault. An Intrinsic Field is merely a name for a hypothesis: what if everything, all molecules, are not held together by gravity alone? What if there is some other, unknown force acting on atomic matter? The test vault is sealed to ensure no dangerous radiation escapes while the experiments are being conducted. It's at Gila Flats that Jon Osterman meets Janey Slater, who will become his lover, and who is the woman in the photograph he is now looking at on Mars. After someone accidentally steps on her watch, Osterman offers to repair it, which he does, but forgets it: he has left it in his coat back the lab. In fact, it's in the time test vault, which rather unfortunately for him is running an experiment when he unknowingly enters it. It seals him in, and nobody can release him as it's time-locked and can't be overridden. Osterman realises he is going to die.

He does, and he doesn't. His body certainly seems to be vapourised, and there is a funeral ceremony (though there is no body to bury), but months later he appears as a walking central nervous system, a skeleton half-covered in muscle, and eventually returns to life, as we know it, in the form we have come to know him as. After the initial shock has worn off, the new creature is surrounded by ad-men and PR executives as they try to market the almost unmarketable. From somewhere comes the name Doctor Manhattan, chosen by some bland ad man I assume, but we're told it has been selected due to the Manhattan Project, the shadowy name for the development of the atomic bomb. It's meant to inspire fear in enemies (who or what those enemies are, with the war now conclusively over, is not mentioned, perhaps not even considered) and respect and pride in allies. Manhattan is used as a propaganda tool, a tool for fighting crime, a symbol of America's suddenly unquestioned dominance. “The superman is real,” crows the news, “and he's American,” adding smugly “There has been no word from the Kremlin yet.”

In the wake of the arrival of the new breed, the older superheroes or masked heroes mostly decide to call it a day. Who will need them now, with their razor-sharp reflexes, toned muscles and wisecracks when there is a man on Earth who can vapourise criminals with a mere wave of his blue hand? For somehow, Osterman has realised that he is now able to control matter; he can rearrange molecules, lift things by simply thinking about it, teleport objects or people and pass through solid matter as if it was not there. Hollis Mason, the original Nite Owl, decides to retire and run his garage, though he is less than pleased when Manhattan tells him that there are new electric cars about to hit the market, thanks to him. It also seems that Manhattan can see the future – in fact, he sees the future, the past and the present all in one stream, as if there is no difference between them. For him, really, there isn't: past is present and present is future, though he is able to distinguish between them, which is why he says to an annoyed Janey “Soon we make love”, she gets indignant but he is proven correct, as this is the only possibility that exists. Manhattan is never wrong: he knows the future because he has seen it, he has lived it already.

At a meeting of so-called superheroes Osterman meets Laurie for the first time. Janey notices and is furious: she is getting older and Jon, even if he is a superhuman blue godlike giant, is still a man and wants a younger, prettier girl. His mind probably rationalises it to the nth degree, and he could likely convince Janey that this is the inevitable outcome of the tail-end of their relationship. But women don't like to consider logic when confronted with a young pretender to their lover's throne – who does? - and she packs and leaves. Jon and Janey move in together. Jon is called upon by President Nixon to intervene in the Vietnam War, and like a good little soldier he does. Here he meets for the first time Edward Blake, the Comedian. The war lasts just over two months. Triumphant and flushed with victory, Nixon prepares a constitutional amendment to allow him run for a third term, and Manhattan and Laurie visit Adrian Veidt, who ruminates on the state of the world. Previously the hero Ozymandias, he has retired to concentrate on his multi-billion-dollar business empire.

After protests by police that masked heroes are taking over their jobs and basically operating as vigilantes, the Keene Act outlaws “masked adventurers”, forcing them into retirement. Manhattan of course is exempt, as he is on the government payroll (and anyway, who's going to force the most powerful being on the planet to stop what he's doing?), as is the Comedian (who has just recently returned from a successful mission to free the Iranian hostages) but all the others are now banned. Rorschach, with typical defiance, refuses the order outright. On Mars, Dr. Manhattan has decided to create something. It is a palace, and it very closely resembles the inner workings of a watch.

QUOTES
Jon Osterman: “My dad sort of pushed me into it (atomic physics). That happens to me a lot. Other people seem to make all my moves for me.”
(Even though he is unquestionably the most powerful being on the planet, this is still true of Doctor Manhattan in the present. Despite all his great powers – at least, up to the point where he leaves Earth – the big blue giant is under the control of the military and the government, and can barely make a move without their say-so.

Wally Weaver, on Einstein: “You know, I heard he argued with his wife. Crazy, huh? A guy like that, a genius, even he couldn't figure women!”

Announcer: “We repeat: the Superman exists, and he is American!”

Dr. Manhattan (reminiscing): “It's November. The newspapers call me a crime fighter, so the Pentagon decides I must fight crime. The morality of my actions escapes me.”
(I find this quote very interesting. It shows at once that Manhattan has no free will of his own – even though if he wanted to he could level the Pentagon, all of Earth probably, with a thought – and is completely controlled by the government. They tell him to fight crime, and he fights crime, not because he sees it as his duty, or because he thinks it is wrong, but because he is a mere puppet (a super powerful puppet) being used by the men in power. As he says, the morality of killing people means nothing to him. Manhattan has begun to lose, despite his determination to try to hold on to it as much as he can, any real semblance of humanity, and soon, it will be impossible, inaccurate and wrong to describe him as a human.)

Dr. Manhattan (reminsicing): “It's September 1961 and John Kennedy is shaking my hand and asking me what it feels like to be a superhero. I tell him he should know, and he nods and laughs. Two years later, in Dallas, his head snaps forward and then back. Two shots...”

Adrian Veidt: “With your help, our scientists are limited only by their imaginations.”
Manhattan: “And by their consciences, surely?”
Veidt: “Let's hope so.”

Manhattan: “Pay attention! You will all return to your homes!”
Protester: “Oh yeah? What if we don't, you big blue fruit?”
Manhattan: “You misunderstand me. It was not a request.”
A moment later, everyone is gone: Manhattan has teleported them all away.

Manhattan (reminiscing): “As long as I continue to act under US Government supervision, I am exempt from the law. They can hardly outlaw me when their country's defence lies in my hands. The only other active vigilante is called Rorschach, real identity unknown. He expresses his feelings towards compulsory retirement in a note left outside police headquarters along with a dead multiple rapist.”

Professor Milton Glass (from the introduction to Dr. Manhattan: Super-power and the Superpowers): “Children starve while boots costing many thousands of dollars leave imprints on the surface of the moon. We have laboured long to create a Heaven for ourselves, only to find it populated with horrors.”

Glass: “I never said The Superman exists and he is American. What I said was God exists and he is American. If that phrase begins to chill you after a few moments' consideration don't be alarmed. A feeling of intense and crushing religious terror at the concept merely proves you are still sane.”

Glass: “I do not believe we have made a man to end wars. I believe we have made a man to end worlds.”

Those clever little touches

I don't know whether it's intentional or not, but when Osterman's father brings in the newspaper, it's folded over and you can see it's the New York Times, yet the letterer has made it look somehow like Dark Times. I don't know if I'm reading too much into this or not, but if not, it's exceptionally clever and sharp.

The comparison is made between the scattered watch cogs falling from the windowsill as Jon's father dumps them out the window, and the meteorites falling on Mars. And, possibly, if you take it a little further, the bomb falling on Japan.

Another clever piece of art shows when the stars in the sky above Mars slowly metamorphose, as Jon reminisces, into cogs lying on black velvet.

What about the acronym for the Intrinsic Field? IF?

It surely can't be coincidence that the day Osterman returns as what will become Doctor Manhattan is the exact date of the assassination of President Kennedy? It can't be mere happenstance that Moore chose this date for what would become perhaps the most momentous event in his universe, the genesis of Doctor Manhattan?

As Manhattan watches the Andromeda Galaxy from Mars, and thinks to himself that supernovas are the only place gold comes from, the camera zooms in on the Andromeda Galaxy and as his memories return to the past, changes into a gold ring Janey has given him as a Christmas present. Whether there's meant to be any connotation with a wedding ring, whether Janey and Manhattan are, or were, married, I don't know (but I don't think they were before the accident, and if they had been since, you can imagine the wedding: “You may kiss the, uh, big blue giant” or “Till death do you part – well, till her death: we don't know if he can die” etc.).

As Manhattan reels at the unwanted attention he complains that the ad men are trying to turn him into something he is not, and that it's all getting out of his hands. The accompanying panel shows him dropping the photograph he has retrieved from Gila Flats and taken to Mars with him, and which has been the catalyst for these sudden memories of a woman surely now long dead.

Manhattan and Laurie buy a copy of Time which commemorates the dropping of the atom bomb on Hiroshima. On the cover is a picture of a watch, its hands stopped at the moment of impact, forever preserving that one awful moment throughout eternity. It's a direct link back to the broken watch that Jon went back to the chamber for, the face of which was the last thing he saw before his body was disintegrated and his old life taken away forever. A moment in time, frozen forever. As if this isn't enough, the next panel shows a memory of the first time Janey handed him his beer, and as his hand closed on the glass the phrase “hands frozen”.

There's a really deep and telling philosophical argument put by Manhattan, as he creates his palace on Mars. Who is to blame for his being here, being what he is? His father, for forcing him from the chosen career he had wanted to follow and thereby bringing him into contact with the IF chamber? The fat man who stood on Janey's watch when they were out, thus cracking the face, necessitating Jon gong back to the chamber to fetch the repaired watch and thereby leading to his being trapped in the chamber, and subsequently his death and rebirth? Or is he to blame? Or indeed nobody? Was all this irrevocably written in his destiny, and he always moving towards it, unable to resist its pull?

The story so far

Constantly badgered by what he must see as petty humans, Doctor Manhattan has taken himself off to Mars, where he reflects on his life, his loves, and the accident that made him what he is today. He recalls how getting trapped in a test chamber for something called the Intrinsic Field generator caused him to be destroyed, and yet reborn as the most powerful being on Earth. He remembers how his government used him as a pawn and a tool, and how he lost the women he loved. He thinks back to the act of congress that banned all superheroes, and the effect this had on the people he had been associating with, some of whom may mistakenly have believed were his friends. He ruminates on all the wonderful advances in technology he spearheaded, from electric cars to floating airships, and how he won the Vietnam War almost singlehanded. But he is lonely on Mars, restless on Earth, and seeks companionship. Unable – at this point, at any rate – or unwilling to take the ultimate step and create life himself, he creates a palatial residence for himself on Mars and watches the meteorites fall on the red planet.

And it is now eight minutes to midnight.

__________________
Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018

Trollheart

In the introduction to this new section I noted that I would be crossing slightly over to the Marvel universe, kind of breaking a semi-promise I made not to, but keeping it very low-key. The last thing I want to do is step on Batty's big toes, and by that I don't mean his toes are actually large, but he's a pretty big wheel in comics, at least here. He is the authority. To put it in terms we all understand, if I'm Dragonforce Batty is Black Sabbath. So I'll be concentrating – mostly – on the lesser-known heroes and villains, ones you may not have heard of, with the odd exception. Batty and I are going to have an epoch-defining, multiverse-shattering climactic battle over Thor, but that's another story. So basically this will be my own little unregarded and neglected corner of the Marvel universe, where I will introduce you to some pretty odd and rare figures.

When I first saw this written I naturally assumed it was a typo, or that someone was making a one-off joke. Of course, it is a joke, as such, but hardly a one-off. In fact, if you look at the cover of the comic this guy first appeared in, it's pretty anthropomorphic, from its title (Marvel Tails) to the other characters (Captain Americat, The Incredible Hulkbunny), and clear that they're taking the loved Marvel characters and, well, giving them animal shape as it were. This however is the one I want to concentrate on, as he both lampoons one of my favourite Marvel heroes and was also the first one I read about. So say hello to

From the off, it's pretty clear to see this is a pig, so we're talking, surely, about a pig who got bitten by a radioactive spider, yes? Ah, well, no actually. Believe it or not, we're talking here about a spider who got bitten by a radioactive pig! Well, sort of. Let's check in on the origin of Spider-Ham, as explained, believe it or not, in the third-to-last issue, number fifteen.

In the basement of an ordinary house in New York, frustrated scientist May Porker has made a breakthrough, managing to create an atomic hairdryer. She tests it out as an incredulous and interested spider who lives in her cellar, and who is named Peter (though whether that's actually his name or whether the somewhat scatty genius has named him I don't know) watches. Suffused by radioactive energy, May Porker loses control and staggers towards him, grabbing and biting him, and then collapsing. As she does, the spider realises he is being transformed into – a pig! Staggering outside, he narrowly avoids being run over in his new body, and realises that he has retained the characteristics of his previous form – the speed, strength, agility and super-sensitivity of the spider he once was.

Having tested out his new abilities, he returns to May Porker's home to find that the old lady has regained consciousness, but the blast has wiped her recent memory. She now believes she is nothing more than a harmless old lady, and, more, that Peter is her nephew! Fearing that to tell her the truth would send her into a state of shock, perhaps kill her, Peter plays along. He finds that he seems to have also inherited May Porker's scientific knowledge, which allows him to create webshooters and dressing himself in a spider suit, he decides to fight crime in his new life as ... da da da daaaah! Peter Porker, the Spectacular Spider-Ham!

So that's the rather weird and yet in an odd way understandable origin of this little guy. Now, let's go check out his first adventure, which appeared in, as I say, Marvel Tails issue one.

Episode One: "If he should punch me!"

Literally hanging around bored, Peter Porker is relieved to see a familiar sight – the Gopher Gang – going in to rob a bank. He can now make extra money by getting “exclusive pictures” of himself foiling the gang in his guise as Spider-Ham, in exactly the same way his human alter-ego does. He is joined in his endeavours by Steve Mouser, also known as Captain Americat, who helps him mop up the bad guys and then the two of them head to a meeting with J. Jonah Jackal, editor of The Daily Beagle. There, JJJ (whom the artist has done a fantastic job of somehow making look like the real Jameson, even though he is, well, a jackal. He even seems to have the moustache!) advises them of their next assignment; a local video arcade has been hit by sabotage and there is supposedly a masked villain behind it. They are to get the scoop, exclusively for the Beagle.

Seems there's a protest going on when they arrive, with a group called PAWS – Parents Against Whimsy Society – demanding the arcade be closed down as it is a bad influence on their children. They check out the nearby amusement park, where the young Peter Porker remembers coming as a piglet (?) with his Aunt May. The owner, Quincy Quackers, bemoans the loss of business thanks to the arcade, complainisng that everyone wants to play video games these days, and nobody is interested in fairground rides.

Outside the arcade, the ringleader of PAWS, Alice Groundy (groundhog) is holding a rally, while one of the other reporters – Rodney Rodent – is accused by Bartholomew Bark, owner of the arcade, of secretly funding PAWS as a means to shut down the arcade so that he can build a jelly bean factory on the site. Groundy, seeing the arrival of her nemesis, demands of Bark that he show her what exactly goes on in his arcade (I assume she could just have walked in; it's hardly secure, but she wants to make a point I guess, and might have been hoping he would refuse, giving her more ammunition) and he sighs and agrees, taking Rodney Rodent too. Inside they meet Doctor Bruce Bunny, head developer, but during the tour he gives them of the facility both Groundy and Rodent are found to be missing.

As Bunny returns to his work, a blue animal who answers the description JJJ gave of the “masked marauder” who has been sabotaging the machines appears and running up to the booth into which Bunny has walked, kicks in the door, trapping the doctor in there. He then turns the machine on, and strange video rays bombard the trapped bunny, allowing a startling metamorphosis to occur , and Bruce Bunny emerges as the green, rampaging Incredible Hulkbunny! The marauder runs off, unaware of what he has just done. Sensing danger, and hearing the explosion as the booth detonates, Peter and Steve change into costume and patrol the arcade. Pretty quickly Spider-Ham comes across the transformed bunny and a fight ensues, while Captain Americat takes on the escaping masked marauder. Realising he is outmatched, the marauder throws gas at the heroic feline and legs it.

Spider-Ham finds himself trapped under a pile of debris, but using his spider-strength is eventually able to lift it off him. The increased weight however now takes its toll on the weakened floor and he drops through – right onto the battling Captain Americat! In the confusion, Hulkbunny escapes into the nearby amusement park, leaving a hilariously Hulkbunny-shaped hole in the wall! Captain Americat goes after the marauder while Spider-Ham tackles Hulkbunny, trapping him on the merry-go-round. The masked marauder is revealed to be – surprise, surprise! - Quincy Quackers, who is crestfallen when Rodney Rodent reveals that the site of the amusement park would have been much better for his jelly bean factory, and he would have bought it from him. Instead, Quackers is bound for jail. As the adrenaline in his system runs down, the Hulkbunny reverts to Bruce Bunny again, and the two heroes rush off to meet their 3pm deadline at the Beagle.

Wiseguy

It's hardly appropriate to use my usual heading for explorations of the humour in what is essentially a cartoon series, so we'll try this one instead. In this section I'll be looking into the wisecracks, PCRs and other jokes Spider-Ham or his friends use, and also perhaps where they refer back to or namecheck their original ancestors.

As he waits around, bored, Spider-Ham ruminates upon whether all the criminals belong to the same union, and if they all get the same holidays and benefits? As he spots the Gopher Gang he remarks that they have “more outstanding charges against them than an American Express card”. Captain Americat shows how he conceals his shield when in civvies, remarking that his tailor is very good. This ends up giving him rather wide shoulders, which an old army buddy of his working at the Beagle finds out when he goes to greet him by slapping him on the back, and hurts his paw on the metal!

The parents are protesting against everything! Signs say “No nude games”, “No commie games”, “No violent games” and two others are holding placards, one of which says “Ban lefty games” while the other screams “Ban rightist games”!!

Rather hilariously, at the end it seems Alice Groundy has been converted to the love of video games, as she breathlessly exclaims “I was busy wiping out mutant beach bunnies! Scragged over three hundred thousand of the suckers!”

Notes

Obviously this is aimed more at children but it's fun for adults too, especially if you are familiar with the Marvel universe. The story plays more like an episode of Scooby-Doo than Spiderman (the "mysterious masked marauder" has telltale blue legs and just happens to wear a blue mask that doesn't quite hide his beak) but it's good fun.

__________________
Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018

Trollheart

Okay, well the first steps into our little darkened corner of the Marvel Universe were light-hearted and cartoonlike, but I can assure you this journal within a journal will not be concentrating only on the light and fluffy side of things, and to prove that, next up we have

That's right: the big guy himself, baddest of the bad, known from just about every media and reference you can think of, the original vampire, the one, the only

The Count may seem an odd subject to feature in a comic, even a Marvel comic, but fact is, that up until about 1971 comics were forbidden to feature vampires of any sort. Then the law was relaxed slightly; if the vampire being portrayed was from literature, that was okay, and of course that opened the door for Marvel to start working on their own adaptation of the most famous vampire of all. And to give them credit, they seem to have made a good job of it. They resisted the urge to just transplant him into the twentieth century (which was then the present) and instead revisited his own life story. Of course, they had to use a whole hell of a lot of artistic licence, but they still managed to create a believable backstory for the Count.

And here it is.

After finally tracking down a copy of Suspense issue seven from 1951, when all this began, I was more than a little disappointed. Given what I had read on Wiki about the biographical history of Marvel's Dracula, I had hoped I would see drawings of him in the fifteenth century, but as it turns out his genesis is explained by way of a tale related by a man who calls to the house of a horror writer, one Xavier Sandor, to try to convince the writer that Dracula yet lives. The man, who calls himself Tartoff, explains that he has been tracking Dracula across the world, and the trail has led to here. Sandor is of course skeptical: as he says himself, he writes about vampires and other demons for a living, but he doesn't believe in them. To hear someone say they exist is preposterous to him, but if nothing else he acknowledges that his visitor has come a long way to speak to him, and he should afford him the courtesy of giving him a fair hearing. Besides, what he hears, while it almost certainly will not be true, may give him inspiration for the story he is currently writing, as he is at the moment suffering from writer's block.

And so he listens as the mysterious Tartoff tells the tale of the evil count who was doomed to wander the Earth for eternity because of the horrors he perpetrated on his fellow humans. Now, oddly and very annoyingly, this story does not contain the birth (“to darkness”, as Anne Rice would put it) of the vampire, and so I have to take the information Wiki has and drop it in here without unfortunately any other source. I'm not sure where this information came from – perhaps the story comes up in a later issue – but I feel it's important to explore the creature's origins, as according to Marvel.

Born Vlad Dracula in 1430 in Transylvania, he took over the throne of that country when quite young, and was wounded in battle in 1459, necessitating the services of a witch called Lianda, who was a vampire unbeknownst to him, and turned him in revenge for his persecution of her people, the Romanian gypsies. After defeating Nimrod, the most powerful vampire on Earth, Dracula took his place, becoming the ruler of all vampires. As related in the novel by Bram Stoker, he was defeated by Abraham Van Helsing and Jonathan Harker, and sealed in his coffin but later the Frankenstein monster accidentally freed him. Thereafter he wandered Rome, Hungary and England in his insatiable quest for blood.

“Dracula”

Yes, it's hardly the most inspired of titles for the first story in the series, I know, but that's how it is. And yes, despite what I believed above initially, they did in fact just transplant the Count into the twentieth century; though being Marvel, this would never be the trite "Dracula wakes up in 1970" or whatever line that some writers might pursue, the line of least resistance. Marvel were always about more than that.

Revealed in his own long-running series (seventy issues) via The Tomb of Dracula, this is where we first meet the Count after his last imprisonment in his coffin. I'm not quite sure what era we're in here, but given the cars and the fact that someone would only bring ten dollars with them on a foreign expedition (America to Transylvania) I would have to assume we're talking 1950s/1960s? Anyway, Frank Drake, last living descendant of Vlad Dracula (the family changed their name when they left “the Old Country”) is desperate for money, having already blown a huge inheritance, and when his friend, Clifton Graves, learns that Frank is actually from the Dracula bloodline, and that he has the very Castle Dracula itself on his hands, he sees a golden opportunity, both for Frank to remake his fortune and perhaps for he, Clifton, to coin it in too. A perfect tourist opportunity, not to be missed.

And so the two of them head to Romania, with Frank's girlfriend Jeanie in tow. There is tension in the car as they drive, as Jeanie used to be Clifton's girl but they split up; he however does not accept that it's over and keeps trying to win her back. As they reach the castle Frank has a dread feeling of deja vu, as if he's been here before, and a very familiar feeling steals over him, as if, as if he is coming home. Confused by these new thoughts, he retreats into himself, trying to work it out, while Clifton goes off to explore, and falls through the rotten floorboards, finding himself in a passage that leads to the very burial chamber of Dracula, where he comes across the fabled coffin itself. Opening it, he finds a skeleton inside, with a large piece of wood stuck in its breast. This can only be the wooden stake which Stoker's writings claimed was driven through the vampire's heart. Not believing such tales – thinking that the corpse belonged to a madman who had somehow convinced the terrified villagers around here that he was a vampire – he takes the stake out.

Anyone who isn't following along and doesn't know what's going to happen please leave now; you're too stupid to be reading this.

Graves heads off, murder and the retaking of his lover in his mind, visions of riches dancing in his brain, so much so that he fails to see that behind him the skeleton, freed from the stake that pinned it down, is acquiring flesh again, as mists swirl around it, and moments later it rises from the coffin, a man again, a vampire, and Dracula is reborn! Laughing at Graves's attempts to shoot him, he bats (sorry!) the gun aside and throws the man down into the pit, there to await his dread fate. Then Dracula hears the sounds of voices in his castle, which he had assumed deserted, and goes to investigate. Attempting to draw Jeanie to him by his hypnotic gaze, he is outsmarted by Drake, who knocks his girlfriend out and then uses the silver compact he had given her to drive Dracula off, silver being poison to vampires.

When the villagers come across a dead barmaid, they know that Dracula has been awakened, and not surprisingly blame it on Drake and his party. As you would expect, they form a mob to confront the creature in its castle in time-honoured style. Meanwhile Dracula, his hunger for now sated but unsatisfied (“the girl was bitter, full of petty evil”) returns to his castle and spies Jeanie sleeping. He is again frustrated though as he bends over her, recoiling from the golden crucifix around her neck. When Drake reveals who he is, his opponent snarls but takes a step back when the human produces the compact again, this time opening it and showing him the mirror inside. He throws it at the Count, who reels back but grabs Drake, punching him and knocking him to the ground. As Jeanie wakes, Dracula, now undisturbed, orders her to remove the protective crucifix, which she does. The villagers, seeing the dropped religious symbol as they enter the courtyard, set the castle on fire while Frank, dazed but not dead, again rises and attacks Dracula with the compact. He, seeing the castle now in flames, flies off, cursing.

Outside, the villagers, seeing the castle burn, turn away as Frank looks in anguish at the body of his girlfriend. His anguish is soon worse though, as she stands up, not dead, but turned into a vampire, and walks off laughing, as a bat joins her, hovering above her.

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Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018

The Batlord

I only read the first paragraph, but I need to point out that the prohibition on vampires was not a law. It was an edict by the Comics Code of Authority, which was a private, self-governing body that ruled over comics. It was not governmental and had zero legal authority.

In the fifties there was an extreme backlash against comics by moral guardians who thought that comics were causing juvenile delinquency that led to congressional hearings, and in response the comics publishers as a whole decided on guidelines to forestall actual laws that would likely be even more Draconian. The rules were slowly relaxed over the sixties and seventies, but with the rise of comic book stores in the late 70s-early 80s those rules were almost entirely thrown out.

The whole reason anyone paid attention to the Comics Code Authority in the first place (aside from the early fear of government action) was that comics were almost entirely sold on racks in grocery stores or drug stores or ice cream shops or candy shops, who refused to carry anything that didn't have the Comics Code seal (an actual seal that was on the cover of every single issue released during that time period, and even into the 90s), but with the rise of dedicated comic book stores run by comic nerds who didn't really give a **** about family friendly bull****, the comics code pretty much became completely ignored.

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