The Batlord

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The Batlord

I'd never read any Deadpool comics until last summer, but in the short time I've been delving into him I've become pretty attached, so I'm gonna write this little series exploring his development over the years, from villain to anti-hero, as a tribute to the character who is now tied with Batman and Spider-Man as my favorite superhero. I imagine it's easy to assume that my preoccupation with Deadpool is down to his puerile humor and general douchiness (which I do love), but he has depth that I really identify with that probably gets ignored by a lot of people---honestly, I think you really have to be kind of an ******* to truly get him. But enough babbling. Hopefully this post'll give some folks a bit of an interesting history lesson in Deadpool's origins...

First Appearance/X-Force #2--#15

There really isn't a whole lot to say about Deadpool at this point. He was created by Rob Liefeld---one of the only good things he ever did---which should give you some idea of the Pool's early depth. By Liefeld's own admission he just wanted a character with a Spider-Man-like costume (I imagine mostly cause he just hated drawing facial expressions) who made Schwarzenegger one-liners. Deadpool wasn't even crazy yet, just kind of a ruthless mercenary who made bad jokes (as in bad bad, not good bag), and was a mid-level flunky working for some guy who hated X-Force for reasons I've already forgotten. Any character development just made him look like a dirtbag with no motivation other than money. The only time we ever really learned anything about him was with a former girlfriend, who was impersonating the X-Force member Domino in order to spy on the team for Deadpool's employer. She seemed to have switched sides, and so Deadpool was dispatched to bring her back into the fold. Rather than showing a human side, he merely knocked her around a bit, making him look like nothing more than a psychopath.




It wouldn't be until his first two mini-series in the early/mid nineties that he ever showed signs of becoming the character we all know and love today.

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The Batlord

Yup, more Deadpool. Suck it. This is from Deadpool's first monthly series by Joe Kelly, all the way back in '97. The past few issues had been a bit on the dark side, even for Deadpool, so a story like this, with it's unbridled, whimsical insanity, was a welcome reprieve from the (bitchin') nihilism.

Last issue, Deadpool, in a fit of delusional, psychotic whimsy had decided to have his prisoner/friend/house keeper/mother figure/old lady, Blind Al, take a spin on the vaguely sinister "Road-Trip Roulette" in order to decide where they'd be going to spend the day. Result: the aquarium. Through a series of idiotic shenanigans, they encountered a third-rate group of Avengers wannabes calling themselves the Lightning Rods and in the ensuing battle ended up going back in time to...

An issue of Amazing Spider-Man circa 1967. Unable to get back, and kinda sorta unwilling to disturb the space-time continuum, Blind Al impersonates Aunt May---rendered unconscious when Deadpool and Blind Al land on her upon entering the past...




And Deadpool uses his image inducer to take Peter Parker's place---who Deadpool sends on a wild goose as Spider-Man to New Jersey. Deadpool has an actual goal though: to infiltrate Peter's school and convince the teenage version of his weapon's expert, Weasel, to fix his teleporter---there's a whole hocus pocus sciency thing about using it to get back to their own time period.

The brilliance of this issue is Deadpool's inability/unwillingness to act in any way like Peter Parker, his reactions to caricatures of sixties culture, and the "respectably in-character depictions" of comic book icons . Also Harry Osborn's haircut.




Weasel is unfortunately unwilling to help, due to he and Parker being up for the same job at Oscorp, and because Deadpool/Peter is a douchebag. So DP hatches a scheme to get Weasel drunk at a party being thrown by none other than Gwen Stacy.

Meanwhile, Blind Al/Aunt May has been harangued into staying with Mary Jane's aunt, who believes her to be having a bad reaction to her medication. She also meets MJ... and is less than impressed.




While Al phones Deadpool and begs him to rescue her from her personal hell, Deadpool's plans for Weasel are being set in motion. He also meets Normal Osborn.




And then, in quite possibly the greatest subversion of a beloved, classic comic book, we see Gwen in all of her college socialite glory being epically perved on by a bogus Peter Parker.




When the party finally rolls around, Peter/Deadpool's plan seems to be going well, as Weasel gets suitably drunk. Alas, he still rebuffs Deadpool's advances, but the nearly conscienceless merc with a mouth can't help but be moved when he sees the nerd elite getting his boogie on with none other than Gwen Stacy.




Soon however, the party is crashed by none of other than Kraven the Hunter in all his Tarzan-meets-the-Village-People glory. There's this whole subplot where he's trying to track down Norman Osborn, so he's getting at him through Harry. It doesn't really matter though, but it is pretty awesome seeing Deadpool fight an old school Spidey villain in old school Spidey art.




Seriously, how can you not ****ing love that ****? And of course, Deadpool wins, tells Norman Osborn that Weasel is a drug addict to cost him his job, Weasel is so distraught that he begins what will be a lifelong alcohol problem, and most importantly, fixes Deadpool's transporter, allowing him to return home. So, all's well that ends well. Except for Weasel of course.




Do I really have to defend why this is the best issue of a comic I've read all week?

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Unknown Soldier

I was never really certain what I thought about Deadpool, but that issue you've put I think is late 90s? If it is he was the 'in fashion' superhero around this time and his comic was heavily in demand.

The Amazing issue you've put, basically I love any Spider-Man from this period and Kraven is just one of so many great super villains he had, Spider-Man has consistently had the greatest array of super villains anyway imo.

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Metal Wars

Power Metal

Pounding Decibels- A Hard and Heavy History

The Batlord

From what I hear, he was more of a cult hero at this point, and it wasn't until Daniel Way wrote his second series in the early '00s that he really took off in popularity. You should really check out his first series with Joe Kelly, his MAX series, and his current series with Brian Posehn, as all of those series have treated him as much more than a two-dimensional quip machine. He's actually a very deep and tortured character.

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The Batlord

Apparently Killing Joke, as in the band, owned the rights to that name, and so DC had to cut a deal with them to be able to use it. Not for money. Killing Joke (band) were allowed to use Batman on two of their album covers...




See? Sometimes facts really can be fun!

DC's bizarre deal with an '80s metal band to make Alan Moore's Batman: The Killing Joke | Blastr

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The Batlord

Yes. This is just as stupid a comic as it looks. What the **** is a "Squirrel Girl" you might ask? Well, she's a mutant with the proportionate strength and speed of a squirrel. I'm sure you might think that that is the most useless power anyone could ever have--as did I--but think about it. Squirrels move their body weight up and down trees on a regular basis with a dexterity and ease that most humans can't match on the ground. So, they have to be pretty strong don't they? Of course they do, or else this comic book makes even less sense.

But even if you accept such a ludicrous premise for a superhero, she's still gotta be pretty useless, right? Wrong. Here's an abridged list of all of the people in the Marvel universe whom she has defeated...

• Doctor Doom
• The Mandarin
• Wolverine
• Deadpool
• Fin Fang Foom
• THANOS

Yep. She beat Thanos. Apparently this victory is disputed however. Uatu the Watcher backs her up, but Thanos claims that she really defeated a clone. Still, a clone of Thanos is pretty much still Thanos, so it should still count. Clearly then, I have just proven Squirrel Girl to be a hero of substance, and not at all the worst thing that anyone ever created strictly for the amusement factor of creating the worst thing that anyone ever created. On to the comic (her first actual solo series if you can believe it)...

This issue starts off as might be expected: Squirrel Girl sitting in a tree and singing her own, Squirrel Girl-themed rendition of the 60s Spider-Man cartoon theme. And then she fights a bunch of muggers by hitting them with her tail (yup), punting them, and throwing squirrels. All while still singing.




Aside from superhero stuff it's a big day for Squirrel Girl: she's going off to college, and finally moving out of the attic of the Avenger's Mansion--because where else would a squirrel-themed superhero live but in a superhero-themed attic. She's got some moving to do, but first, there's a secret identity to worry about; and with a giant squirrel tail that's a pretty tall order. Luckily all she has to do is stick it in the back of her pants, which gives her the Power Girl equivalent of a ghetto booty. This is made even more hilarious since there is absolutely no fan service in this comic, so this is pure gag.




However, there are of course superhero shenanigans. Namely, one Kraven the Hunter. In order to gain intelligence on him, she employs quite possibly the greatest arbitrary Deadpool cameo ever, further cementing my newfound love of SqueeGee (I just invented that)...




And so ensues a superhero battle to end all superhero battles, filled with surprise attacks, Squirrel Girl being held up by her feet like a small child playing with her father, Squirrel Girl geting covered by a net, Squirrel Girl biting through the net with her buck teeth, Kraven being swarmed by an army of squirrels, before finally, our heroine prevails! Although by "prevails", what I really mean is that she convinces Kraven to go hunt evil whales at the bottom of the ocean. Chalk up another victory for the Unbeatable Squirrel Girl!

But don't get too comfortable, gentle reader, as according to the last panel of her first issue...




Oh, and did I mention her best friend is a squirrel? That she talks to? And understands?




With any luck, Squirrel Girl could be the non-evil Harley Quinn. I'll certainly be keeping up with her adventures to see how her series pans out. Luckily, issue #2 is already out, but after that I'm gonna have to wait each month for my fix like crack fiend.

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The Batlord

Batman does awesome ****. We know this. But sometimes he outdoes even himself, and I intend to document these moments. History will thank me one day. Today's Batmoment comes from the first (yes, the first) Batman/Spider-Man crossover. There really isn't a whole lot to say about the issue itself. I mean, on paper, it should be the ultimate culmination of all that comic books have been trying to achieve for three-quarters of a century: Batman teaming up with Spider-Man, Carnage teaming up with the Joker, what the **** else do you want out of life? Too bad just about everything about the issue is phoned in. Carnage actually comes out looking cooler than the Joker, just cause the writer clearly has no idea what to do with him besides make him a more malevolent version of the Adam West version. And Peter Parker has a mullet. A ****ING MULLET!!! God damn nineties.




However, there are three things that make this vaguely worth reading.

1.) There's actually an interesting comparison between Spider-Man and Batman's motivations and their consequences on their respective lives: Peter was raised normally, with loving guardians, which, along with his relatively mature age at the time of the tragedy which set him on his path, allowed him to live as normal and fulfilling a civilian life as one can while fighting villains in technicolored spandex; whereas Batman losing his parents at a much younger age robbed him of a healthy childhood, making him a far more dysfunctional superhero whose development as a normal person was stunted.

2.) There's a pretty bitchin' scene between the Joker and Carnage that compares their murderous, chaotic personalities, while revealing that they can never in fact work together, as Carnage operates purely on his homicidal instincts, making him impatient and bored with the Joker's more methodical, "artistic" modus operandi.

But we're here for reason #3. A single page that illustrates (pun intended) the ultimate comic book law: Batman always wins. Just like Batman beats Superman in The Dark Knight Returns, and outwits by proxy the entire Justice League in JLA: Tower of Babel, Batman proves his superiority over Spider-Man. Not with fists or gadgets, but with a much more subtle show of awesomeness.

Another comic book law is that Spider-Man never shuts up. No matter how bad the situation, his mouth continues to run, and his enemies become ever more infuriated, often leading to their downfall. It's just the way it is. Until now. Decades of fighting some of Marvel Comics' most heinous villains haven't managed to shut Spidey's mouth, but one look from the Batman is all it takes ...

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The Batlord

Clearly, I'm not the first one to make this connection, as /\ that and \/ this graphic illustrate.



Although why they would compare Lumen, someone screwed up by a traumatic event, with Batgirl rather than Robin is beyond me, except for just casual sexism. But anyways ...

There also seem to be more than a few articles likewise comparing them, as I kind of expected since it's not that far a leap, and nerds notice EVERYTHING. I'll refrain from reading them for now, just so I don't end up ripping them off. Apparently there's even a crossover fan film that I will check out before finishing this post. But **** it, I'm still throwing my two cents in.

Again, it's pretty obvious: young boy, parent murdered in front of him, forever fracturing his psyche; trained as a boy in multiple disciplines in order to make him the ultimate crime fighter, including but not limited to fighting training, detective skills, and subterfuge as a non-descript goofball; uncontrollable obsession to do what he does that consumes all aspects of his life; "human" self actually the disguise, while his "alter ego" is in fact his real personality; consequently any relationship cultivated with his "human" self is at least to some degree shallow and doomed, and so he can only truly connect with those who are a part of his "true" self (be they enemies or doomed love interests), even though such people are also so damaged that they are as destructive to him as he is to them; the only healthy relationships he has are with those few who are his allies and aware of his secret, but since they accept him for what he is, he takes it for granted and uses them as resources until they reach a breaking point; and yet, despite his single-minded crusade and severely repressed emotions, there is somehow a hero down in the depths of his soul.

Another thing that's rather obvious, and that some people might perhaps be uncomfortable with, is that both characters -- while being law breakers who would be rightfully arrested in real life -- are somehow romantic in their simplistic and violent approach to crime. People like to think they're evolved and that whatever the problems with the justice system, it's still worth saving, and yet when given half a chance they cheer on and put on a pedestal those who embody the very ideal that they claim to be above. Rather than contemplate this possible hypocrisy, they (and most certainly I) simply call it fiction, which means it's okay to cheer on someone who in real life would be a volatile, unpredictable lunatic whose motivations would be too unstable to be allowed to go unchecked.

I'm sure I could go on with how various characters in Dexter serve as mirrors to his character in the same way that Bruce Wayne's circle of friends and enemies do the same, but the graphic at the top probably does a better and less TL;DR version than I could, so I'll just end with that fan film ...




Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet!

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The Batlord

Batman might have beat Superman in fight a in The Dark Knight Returns, but that was a climactic showdown, where Batman prepared and schemed as much as he could just to have a shot. But I love how in the three-part Batman/Superman crossover in Superman: The Animated Series, Batman just kind of casually pwns Supes -- in his own show -- without breaking a sweat; and in a way which feels natural rather than the writer trying to twist logic just so Batman gets to win.



Just look at that ****ing ****. Superman just kind of lays his arm on Batman's, assuming that since he's the Second Coming of Jesus that any sane human being will back down, cause he's ****ing Superman, ya know? Not Batman. Batman doesn't hesitate for a moment before tossing a guy who can punch buildings into a table like it ain't ****. And the look on Superman's face, like, "Did I just get tossed into a table?"

Yes you did, bitch. Yes. You. Did.

Of course, in a second it looks like Superman gains back the upper hand by slamming Batman into a wall and then using his x-ray vision to discover his secret identity. But Batman still couldn't give half a ****. He's so prepared for any and every eventuality that of course he has somehow managed to obtain a piece of Kryptonite. How? Who the **** knows. He's the god damn Batman.

Whether it's the smartest idea to then throw the Kryptonite into a drink -- which considering how small the cup is, how hard it probably is to accurately throw a small rock in a Ziploc bag, and how far away the cup is, that's some Michael Jordan **** right there -- but he's Batman. You know he's probably got enough Kryptonite to build a house.

Still, Superman has an advantage with knowing Bruce's identity. So what does Batman do? Not only does he use trickery and gadgets to learn Clark's identity, but he does this while Clark is on the phone and being told that his new best friend is about to banging his not-girlfriend. Whether it's just the timing is just a coincidence isn't clear, but it's Batman, so you can never be sure. Regardless, you know he's listening in on that conversation, so that thumbs at the end is a "**** you!" in more ways than one.

****ing. Pwned.

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