The Poseur Cave

Isbjørn · 11-02-2014, 12:43 PM

Beware: there will be spoilers
But the movie's been out for 10 years, so 2bad4u

Title: Van Helsing
Director: Stephen Sommers
Year: 2004
Genre: Action/fantasy/gothic horror

I only watched this because one of my best friends had been hyping it up and mentioned it every time we talked about anything horror-related.
This is the first time I talk about a movie in this journal. I think. I'm only featuring it because I'm slighly pissed.
Sooo... Dracula meets Frankenstein. This prevented me from taking the movie seriously from the very beginning.
The visual effects are alright, but they're used way too excessively.
There's supposed to be a decent plot in there, but I can't find it. The movie just gets dumber as it goes.
Vampires don't procreate by laying giant, disgusting slime egg... things. They bite people.
The only way to kill a vampire isn't a goddamn werewolf.
And OMGWHYDIDYOUKILLVICTORFRANKENSTEIN
Moaning about Sharknado is cool, right? Or was that last year? Anyway, that was a campy B-horror flick that I kind of enjoyed watching because it wasn't meant to be taken seriously in any way. It's called "Sharknado". This movie just soils the name of Dracula.
I'm going to be generous with with my rating, since it did grant me a couple of laughs:

1/5, which, in my RYM rating system, is "getting kicked in the crotch by a Nazi".

CoNtrivedNiHilism · 11-02-2014, 10:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Briks

Beware: there will be spoilers
But the movie's been out for 10 years, so 2bad4u

Title: Van Helsing
Director: Stephen Sommers
Year: 2004
Genre: Action/fantasy/gothic horror

I only watched this because one of my best friends had been hyping it up and mentioned it every time we talked about anything horror-related.
This is the first time I talk about a movie in this journal. I think. I'm only featuring it because I'm slighly pissed.
Sooo... Dracula meets Frankenstein. This prevented me from taking the movie seriously from the very beginning.
The visual effects are alright, but they're used way too excessively.
There's supposed to be a decent plot in there, but I can't find it. The movie just gets dumber as it goes.
Vampires don't procreate by laying giant, disgusting slime egg... things. They bite people.
The only way to kill a vampire isn't a goddamn werewolf.
And OMGWHYDIDYOUKILLVICTORFRANKENSTEIN
Moaning about Sharknado is cool, right? Or was that last year? Anyway, that was a campy B-horror flick that I kind of enjoyed watching because it wasn't meant to be taken seriously in any way. It's called "Sharknado". This movie just soils the name of Dracula.
I'm going to be generous with with my rating, since it did grant me a couple of laughs:

1/5, which, in my RYM rating system, is "getting kicked in the crotch by a Nazi".

I kind of have the same feelings toward Van Hellsing as well. It isn't this huge monstrosity of a movie, there are worse ones you could suffer through. But it had so much it lacked; could have had a much better plot, could have done without Frankenstein, acting could have been more serious, Kate Beckinsale could have gotten naked, so on and so forth.

It's basically one of those monster/hero movies that rather favored the more cheesy take on Van Hellsing, rather than the dark, and tormented reality Van Hellsing lived.

11-02-2014, 12:43 PM	#1 (permalink)
Isbjørn cooler commie than elph Join Date: Sep 2012 Location: In a hole, help Posts: 2,811	Beware: there will be spoilers But the movie's been out for 10 years, so 2bad4u Title: Van Helsing Director: Stephen Sommers Year: 2004 Genre: Action/fantasy/gothic horror I only watched this because one of my best friends had been hyping it up and mentioned it every time we talked about anything horror-related. This is the first time I talk about a movie in this journal. I think. I'm only featuring it because I'm slighly pissed. Sooo... Dracula meets Frankenstein. This prevented me from taking the movie seriously from the very beginning. The visual effects are alright, but they're used way too excessively. There's supposed to be a decent plot in there, but I can't find it. The movie just gets dumber as it goes. Vampires don't procreate by laying giant, disgusting slime egg... things. They bite people. The only way to kill a vampire isn't a goddamn werewolf. And OMGWHYDIDYOUKILLVICTORFRANKENSTEIN Moaning about Sharknado is cool, right? Or was that last year? Anyway, that was a campy B-horror flick that I kind of enjoyed watching because it wasn't meant to be taken seriously in any way. It's called "Sharknado". This movie just soils the name of Dracula. I'm going to be generous with with my rating, since it did grant me a couple of laughs: 1/5, which, in my RYM rating system, is "getting kicked in the crotch by a Nazi". __________________ fast(ml) Hear me play the guitar Look, mom! I got a journal