Trollheart's Psychic Album Reviews
 

I've had some pretty damn stupid ideas in my time but this must trump them all! It occurred to me that often, when listening to albums for the first time, I'll have preconceived notions or ideas about what certain tracks will sound like, what tempo they'll be at, how they'll be played and what they'll be about. Often this is based on the title but also sometimes what I know of the artiste. Of course, in more than 99 cases out of 100 (uh, that would be all of them, but you know what I mean) I'm totally wrong.

So I thought why not do this? I'm going to select an album I've never heard before, whether by an artiste I'm familiar with or not, and try to "pre-review" it. I'll be guessing what the album is going to be like, what the songs are going to sound like, and so on. Naturally, I expect to get it wrong every time.

This is NOT supposed to be serious. I'm just having fun here. I don't expect to get it right any more than 0.0001% of the time --- if I'm lucky. But at best it will be a laugh. So come with me and snigger at my inept attempts to predict what an album will sound like, giggle as I get it totally wrong, and by all means feel free to send me albums you think I might have a go at giving the Psychic Review (Patent Applied For, Trademark in process).

These won't be my usual long-drawn-out reviews of course. I'll tell you the album and who it's by, then go through it track by track saying what I think each is going to sound like, and then having listened to it, see how wrong I got it. At the end I'll score my performance and see how badly I've done. Fun, eh?

Some people probably think I take my journals too seriously. Well, yes I do. I put a lot of work and effort into them and why wouldn't I take them seriously? But we all have to take the time to laugh at ourselves once in a while, so here's one that's purely for laughs, and the joke will invariably be on me. So sit back, crack open a beer and grab some popcorn, and watch me fuck it up each and every time.

My mission statement: One hundred percent wrong, one hundred percent of the time, or your money back. ;)

I'll be back with my first album in a day or so.

Another journal? I'm not complaining, but damn, wouldn't it be easier to compile all of these into one mass journal? I do like the idea of having themes for each, but wouldn't one journal be easier? Maybe not. I don't know.

No in fact it wouldn't. I thought about it, but it's the same with the "Classic Albums" journal. A new journal is more likely to attract attention and interest than just a new section in my old journals. This stands out, and people who don't read my other journals will see it and maybe think it might be worth looking at. I know it's a fifth journal, but it's so outside my usual thing that I thought it deserved its own.

Also, with Metal Month in full swing, I couldn't do anything like this in my current one until at least November, and I'm anxious to get this going while the idea is fresh in my head.

Okay, this is it. This is where I step off the precipice and fall, arms flailing, into the darkness as I open my fifth journal, but one which is totally different to anything that has come before. This is where I make a total fool of myself by selecting an album at random and trying to review it before hearing a note. I'm going to be basing my "predictions" on nothing more than instinct (yeah...) the titles and what little, if anything, I know of the artiste. It will of course be an exercise in futility. I'm not expecting to get it even slightly right one time in a hundred, and should I somehow accomplish this unlikely feat, it's surely going to be down to pure dumb luck than any great insight or talent on my part.

But that's not what this journal is about. It's not a case of "look at me! How clever I am!" Quite the reverse in fact. It's all about fun. It's about not taking myself so seriously and just kicking back to see how much of a mess I can make of these, ah, reviews. You can laugh at me, or with me, but I hope my efforts here will give you some sort of amusement. There may of course be albums I select that you already know, and so can see in advance how much I'm going to screw up, but then, that all adds to the fun, doesn't it?

These reviews will not be long, nor in-depth. They will simply be short impressions of each track, first my "psychic" one and then the real one, and the difference between the two. Maybe I'll come across some really good albums here that I will end up reviewing in full, and properly, in my main journal, who knows? But for now, let's see how I get on as I set sail on my maiden voyage to disaster and derision.

Why have I chosen this album? No idea. It looked interesting and it's obviously a debut, since the artiste and title are the same. Also, with it being this year's offering it's possible few if any of you know who this is or what they sound like. I certainly don't. But having a quick glance down the tracklist I think I can make a few hamfisted attempts at what they might sound like, all of which will no doubt turn out to be completely wrong and so far off the mark the arrow is still flying.

But as I say, it's fun, and you gotta start somewhere, so I'm starting here.

Heather Maloney --- Heather Maloney --- 2013 (Signature Sounds)
http://megaboon.com/images/release/4...33092645303626
So who is Heather Maloney? Dunno. Where does she come from? Uh, dunno. Let's see if I can find out anything about her before I dive in. Okay, seems she's from the US of A. Oh, and I'm wrong. This is not her debut, but her third album. Don't you just hate when people do that? Anyway she's a singer/songwriter and being compared to the likes of Aimee Mann and Ani DiFranco. So now I know a little about her, but I'm not digging any further in case I find out something that gives me a clue as to the sort of songs she might sing. No cheating here, hombre!

So then, tracks, tracks, tracks, let's see....

1. Great impostor: okay, for some reason I hear a big brass band in this, a marching sound and a sort of carnival/soul atmosphere. Big drums, horns and maybe even fiddles and violins (yes I know they're the same instrument!) --- a bouncy, uptempo song that opens for some reason with the horn blast from Bad English's "Best of what I got". Which of course it will not.

2. Hey broken: Slow, acoustic number with just guita --- no, piano, definitely piano. A lovelorn ballad where the singer tries to help the heartbroken person in the song see the bright side.

3. Fire for you: Another uptempo number, guitar (acoustic?) and a lot of energy and passion. A love song, a declaration of love, strong and determined.

4. Dirt and stardust: Mid-paced acoustic number, most likely on guitar, maybe some mandolin too. A song about how fragile humans are, and yet how eternal: "we are all made of dirt and stardust".

5. Flutter: Soft acoustic ballad, maybe with some nature sounds in it (birdsong, soft wind, maybe babbling brook), sung gently and low-key. Title may refer to the fluttering of a heart. Another love song?

6. Iron bull: Song about the old railroad. Bouncy, strong, powerful. Lots of organ and electric guitar with a scorching electric guitar solo in the middle, or somewhere. Punchy uptempo country/folk song.

7. Turn yourself around: Another punchy song, a "get a hold of yourself" type deal, with strong acoustic guitar and maybe electric, possibly honky-tonk piano too. Could be a duet. Ah sure why not? Let's go the whole hog!

8. Miss Mary Mack: Country mid-paced, no wait, bluegrass uptempo song with tons of banjo, jews harp, fiddle and maybe pedal steel. Oh, and accordion. Got to be some accordion in it. Real toe-tapper.

9. Grace: Difficult, as the next song is also a woman's name. Gonna take a chance (sure why not?) and say the grace here is the grace of God, and so a slow, acoustic number with some haunting organ, praising the Lord in some way --- "Lord give me the grace to make it through" or somesuch. Possibly gospel overtones. Could involve a choir.

10. Darlene: Another uptempo hillbilly number. More fiddles and accordions, slap bass and maybe a piano this time as well. A good old fashioned love song, but not a ballad. Or could be about an outlaw.

11. Flying on helium: Slow, organ or keyboard-driven song with an ethereal sense of flying (duh!), kind of atmospheric and ambient, with a soft acoustic guitar solo and a piano ending.

Now, they're my not-so-educated guesses. I'm now going to play the album and see how wrong I was. That's all coming up in the next post. Stay chooned! ;)

Okay, so now I'm actually playing the album. Let's see, as Brucey says, how wrong I am...

1. Great imposter: Well, no big horns start the song off. How disappointing. :( In fact, it's a bouncy uptempo acoustic guitar number. So far. No mardi gras here pal! No brass band, although I think I do hear a banjo. Maybe. Well it's uptempo, just not as much as I had thought, and the whole makeup of the song is not quite what I had envisioned.

2. Hey broken: I notice just now that this is less than two minutes long, so hold out hopes of my gentle acoustic ballad being right on the money ... Ah. But it starts off with handclap percussion and a sort of folky uptempo feel with some nice backing vocals and really no instrument other than drums I can hear at the moment. Not a ballad then. Not an acoustic one, though there is a piano breaking in so that's something I guess.

3. Fire for you: Not as hard-hitting as I thought, sort of a shuffle with a kind of twenties feel, piano mostly, but it is a love song and that's what fire for you means, so I at least got that much right. Little touch of ELO about it if I'm honest.

4. Dirt and stardust: Surely this is the ballad? Well yes, it starts on slow acoustic guitar, so that's good. Mind you, I said it would be mid-paced and it certainly is not. Bad guess on my part. Oh well. Got the subject right though: "I am made of all the same stuff/ That makes the seasons what they are/ I am made of dirt and stardust/ My daddy's dreams, my mother's heart". Woo-hoo! Pedal steel rather than mandolin, but not too bad a guess. First one I've come close to getting reasonably right. Yay for me! Sort of.

5. Flutter: Never mentioned what I expected to be the main instrument here, so no points for that, but given that I said it would be acoustic I probably meant piano or guitar. Too late now though. I hear guitar now but mostly flute, and although it started as a possible ballad, nah it ain't. Tempo picking up now on the back of the guitar, nice electric piano (Fender Rhodes?) and sort of marching drums. Flutter seems to refer to the flutter of wings, so minus several zillion points for that one. Ooh wait: she just said "Flutter like a heartbeat"! Yes! But generally I got this wrong. Again.

6. Iron bull: Why do I feel I totally, absolutely got this bang on the head wrong? Maybe because I was so stupid as to equate the iron horse with an iron bull and think the song would be about trains? It's an uptempo song anyway, so there's that; quite rock, driven mostly on guitar though I do hear organ, which I mentioned. Talking about riding on an iron bull, but I don't think it's anything to do with the railroad... Hey, there's the guitar solo I was talking about! Not scorching, but, you know, I'll take it!

7. Turn yourself around: And this one I got so wrong! Not an uptempo, affirmative song at all, but a slow, very slow, acoustic ballad on guitar with some nice vocal harmonies. I was struggling at the time with whether this was how it might sound, but decided to go the other way. What? You don't believe me? I swear! Anyway it don't matter cos I made a total hash of this. Wrong on just about every front. Okay, it gets punchier as it goes on, but that's no salvation for me.

8. Miss Mary Mack: I really had no idea what this song would be like. Some of my guesses here have been at least based on some sort of an idea; this one I had no clue. And so it proves. Nothing of bluegrass or any other sort of grass in this. Sort of mid-paced semi-ballad with piano and guitar.

Grace: Well in some ways yeah I was right: it is to do with gospel, in fact it seems to be a version of "Amazing grace", which I did not catch at all. Okay, that was just the opening. But then it's uptempo with fast acoustic guitar and seems to be about welfare fraud? Pulling in the phrase amazing grace but referring it to a girl called Grace, so struck pretty much out on this one.

Darlene: And this one. Where are all the hillbilly songs? :confused: A soft, almost lullaby-like ballad with guitar and piano.

11. Flying on helium: And finally, not so much atmospheric or ambient, just a slow acoustic guitar number. Nice vocal harmonies and some sweet pedal steel. Nothing much like what I had expected really. Story of this album, and, probably, this journal.

So that's the guesses and the reality. Next I'll be scoring this album, after explaining my rating system (yeah, there's one: this is me, after all!) and see what I come up with for this first effort.

Right then: the scoring system. Well it goes like this:

For every point I get right, if any, I award myself a percentage of the total score, as below:
Guessing the correct main instrument used = 20%
Guessing the tempo correctly, or mostly correctly = 30%
Guessing the subject, more or less correctly = 20%
Guesing anything specific, like a guitar solo, horn intro, piano outro etc = 20%
It's almost impossible I would guess every feature of the song correctly, but if by some chance I got it spot-on then I'll add the extra 10 percent.

Obviously, at the end then the totals are added and I get an average of how well --- or more likely, badly --- I did. That's the final score for the album.

So

1. Great imposter: Main Instrument --- 0%
Tempo --- 30%
Subject --- 0% (I never guessed at that)
Specifics --- 0%
TOTAL --- 30%

2. Hey broken: Main Instrument --- 0%
Tempo --- 0%
Subject --- 0%
Specifics --- 0%
TOTAL --- 0%

3. Fire for you: Main Instrument --- 0%
Tempo --- 0%
Subject --- 20%
Specifics --- 0%
TOTAL --- 20%

4. Dirt and stardust: Main Instrument --- 20%
Tempo --- 0%
Subject --- 20%
Specifics --- 0%
TOTAL --- 40%

5. Flutter: Main Instrument --- 0%
Tempo --- 0%
Subject --- 20%
Specifics --- 0%
TOTAL --- 0%

6. Iron bull: Main Instrument --- 20%
Tempo --- 30%
Subject --- 0%
Specifics --- 20%
TOTAL --- 70%

7. Turn yourself around: Main Instrument --- 0%
Tempo --- 0%
Subject --- 0%
Specifics --- 0%
TOTAL --- 0%

8. Miss Mary Mack: Main Instrument --- 0%
Tempo --- 0%
Subject --- 0%
Specifics --- 0%
TOTAL --- 0%

9. Grace: Main Instrument --- 0%
Tempo --- 0%
Subject --- 0%
Specifics --- 0%
TOTAL --- 0%

10. Darlene: Main Instrument --- 0%
Tempo --- 0%
Subject --- 0%
Specifics --- 0%
TOTAL --- 0%

11. Flying on helium: Main Instrument --- 0%
Tempo --- 0%
Subject --- 0%
Specifics --- 0%
TOTAL --- 0%

So that's in total 160% over 11 tracks, so divide 160 by 11 and we end up with...
FINAL SCORE 14.5%

Yeah. Not great. Very little I got right about this album, but to be fair, I never expected to. In fact, I'm surprised any of my guesses were right. As for the album itself? Meh, it was okay but not really my thing: kind of a cross between acoustic folk and Country, and though there were one or two songs I liked ("Dirt and stardust", "Flying on helium") there wasn't generally that much to appeal to me. For my money, a cross between Nanci Griffith and Suzanne Vega, but pretty generic really and I don't see why everyone's getting so excited about Heather Maloney.

Unlikely ever to merit a full review.

Still, hope you enjoyed this first psychic review! Probably be a while before I attempt another, but hey, it sure was fun! But for now...

Will you take requests? :)

and by all means feel free to send me albums you think I might have a go at giving the Psychic Review

So in answer to your question, yes I certainly will, though do be advised this will not be anything like a high priority journal. If I do one or two albums a month that will be a lot. It's as I say just for fun, so doesn't in my mind have to be updated as often as my other journals do.

That said, yes, send away. Though I do of course reserve the right to turn down a request I don't feel is within my preferred genres, I don't like the look of or for any other reason. Terms and conditions apply. Copy on request. ;)

And sorry to hear about your computer man: hope you get it sorted and are back soon... This place needs you! :thumb:

Cool idea T to the H. I do something similar when playing along with a tune I've never heard. Not so much psychic, but more of a reading ahead type of thing.

xD Thanks. I can't send it, but Radiohead's "The King Of Limbs" should be on Spotify. Not at all metal, BTW. Seeing you tackle that would be fun.

(Stupid TH, taking all the good journal ideas before I get to them...)

I recommend you take this concept one step further: Pre-review an album that hasn't even been released yet, and then when it gets released, see how right/wrong you were! :)

So this way you not only have to guess what the songs will sound like, you also have to guess what songs are even on the album! :)

I'm on my way!! :D
https://encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/i...BfZm2xtXoPEh6Q

Seriously? Can you guys get this shit out of my journal? Thanks!

I like this idea very much, and I really hope it will work!

I can see the fun in this, Trollheart - in fact it reminds me uncomfortably of how I bought some albums in the bad old days before the internet; browsing through albums, trying to work out from the cover and the tracklist what the music was like.

That Heather Maloney one would´ve gone back in the rack, tbh, as too girly. But as Shakespeare reminds us,"There´s no art to tell the mind´s construction in the face". In fact, in one of his plays he specifically mentions LP sleeves - I´ll get back to you when I find the quotation.

Well, the album I wanted to take for my second “psychic review” refuses to be found. Truth to tell, I have no idea what it was. I vaguely remember a cover that may have been orange or possibly a sunset-type thing that grabbed me, but that's it. I do remember it catching my attention. But since I've searched for it now without success for two days I think my failure plus the extremely sketchy details I have on it have to lead me to conclude I'm not going to find it.

However, in my search I did come across this, so I'm going to go with it as my second choice.

Things don't sparkle like they used to --- Stumbleine --- 2013
http://f0.bcbits.com/img/a2872406324_2.jpg
So, once again, who are Stumbeleine? Dunno. My attempts to find out brought me to a page on “Mellon Collie and the infinite sadness” by those lads who like destroying fruit, and although this band has both a Facebook and Bandcamp page, there is precisely no information on them on either. Honestly, how do these bands ever expect to achieve fame if nobody but their fans know who they are??

I can't even tell you if this is their debut (though going from the information on their Bandcamp page at least I think not, but of course I could be very wrong) or anything about it. They're listed as everything from dream pop to emo and shoegaze to, uh, alternative. So your guess is as good as mine. Unless you know them. I doubt they're signed to any label, as they're offering their music as a digital download off their Bandcamp page, so this looks to be a self-produced and financed affair.

Before we get into individual tracks, I'd just like to point out that I have very little experience with shoegaze or dream pop. I've only rather recently listened to Slowdive, who I am told sort of typify the genre, and that's pretty much as far as I've gone, to my knowledge. Acting on my laughably patchy grasp of this kind of music I'm going to take a general guess and say that I expect mostly slowish, acoustic or acoustic-sounding music with guitar and piano, maybe the odd other instrument like violin or harmonica. I'm not expecting any blazing guitar solos, pumping keyboard arpeggios nor any saxophones or trumpets. Of course, for all I know, Stumbeleine could be famous or at least known for their saxophone and trumpet prowess. It's all a gamble. But I think not.

So then, tracks. Well there are only six, most if not all around the three minute mark, with the longest hitting almost four, so really I suppose this should be considered more an EP than an album. But we'll see what develops. As I say, I know nothing of the band so can't tell you who's singing, playing guitar (if there is a guitar) drumming (if there are drums) or who wrote the songs. Even more so than the first time, this is really going to be a case of going in blind for me. So let's see what we got, huh?

1. Nicotina: Okay well first I prophesy that this will be a play on words, using a girl called Tina who perhaps is addicted to something or addicitve like something (love? Sex? Drugs?) and a sort of warning against getting involved with her. Sort of a latter-day “Runaround Sue”, or a thousand songs written in that vein since. Could also be a "you're-more-addictive-than-nicotine-I-can't-give-you-up" idea. I think it will be relatively uptempo, mostly on boppy piano with some guitar, maybe pulling in elements from Plain White Tee's “Hey Delilah” (though probably not) and will end on an extended piano passage, sort of honky-tonk. Yeah.

2. Lon lon: This presents me with a problem as I have no idea what Lon Lon is, or is supposed to be or to refer to. I really have no idea what this is going to be about, but I'll take a stab at another relatively uptempo song, this time on guitar with maybe tambourine and castanets? I am lost here; there's nothing at all to work with. Expect the reverse of a perfect score here.

3. I wanna dance with somebody: I'm going to take a chance here and say this is actually a cover of the Whitney song, but probably played downtempo on bassy piano and acoustic guitar, add in some violins and maybe the odd horn or two, but very downbeat.

4. Silhouette: Slow, acoustic number on guitar with a lot of bass. About someone losing themselves in a love affair until all that's left is their shadow. Hey, what do you want from me ? It could be a cover of Deacon Blue's song, but I doubt they'd do two covers, assuming the preceding track was one. Feel this may have a female vocal, if they even have a female in the band. Note: if the band is all female or at least female-fronted I win here. Look, they're my rules ok? If you don't like it you know what you can do! Hey! Where are you going?

5. Polka dots: Fast, upbeat piano song with perhaps electric guitar, very happy in tone and very commercial. About? I have no idea. Could be the singer catching sight of a girl in a polka dot dress and obsessing over her, even though he has no idea who she is and will probably never meet her. Yeah, we'll go with that, why not?

6. Hold on: Gotta assume this is a big ballad, with strings and perhaps orchestra. Passionate, soulful and heart-rending, the advice to hold on and not give up on a love affair. Gotta be violins in here. And cellos. Cellos and violins. Definitely. Or at least violins. But hopefully cellos too. I like cellos. Big closing number, fades out at the end with a chorus you would kill for if you were a songwriter.

So that's what I think, given that I know nothing about this band and have never heard any of their songs. Hell, I don't even know if they are a band: maybe it's one guy. Or girl. Or blue furry thing from Aldebaran VI! But as I said in the first post, this is not about me being right, in fact I'd be more than amazed if I even get ten percent of this correct. It's not even about me being an idiot (though I am) in trying to do this. It's my way of pulling away from my sometimes over-serious other journals and trying to let my hair down (metaphorically! Metaphorically! I KNOW I have very little hair, you don't need to keep reminding me!) and untwist my knickers and just laugh at myself, as I'm sure you all are already laughing at me, probably behind my back you shower of....

Anyway, back to the album. Or EP. Or whatever it is. Let's go play it and then I'll be back to let you know how I did. Sorry, how badly I did.

So, second time lucky? Oh you wish! So do I, but here's what happened....

1. Nicotina: Well, I hear what sounds like a female vocal, which will help with track 4, but is this boppy and uptempo? Can't really say, and the main instrument does appear to be piano with some sort of xylophone playing, but as for lyrical content I can't say as I can't really make out any words other than a sort of bit of vocalise which appears to be the only lyric really. Bit sort of ambient if I'm honest. Here comes the end then. No, couldn't call that an extended piano passage in any man's language.


2. Lon lon: Had no idea what to expect with this, but it appears to be a sort of carryon of the musical idea from the opener. Very similar; kind of echoing piano and guitar, or maybe synth, hard-hammered chords, almost like what you'd expect to break into a fast trance track though it doesn't seem to. Again no real vocals. Not looking good for track three then!

3. I wanna dance with somebody: Bloody Hell! I was right! It is the Whitney song AND it's played --- so far --- slow and downtempo. Woo-hoo! Not so much of the acoustic guitar; it all seems to be on synth but the vocal is female so one more point for me I hope when the next track hits. Best performance so far. Meh, not such a big deal: anyone could have guessed this I suppose but hell, I'll take any little victory I can get!

4. Silhouette: Well there's the female vocal (yay me!) but is it slow? Sort of. Acoustic? No. This band seems to be pretty much driven on synth passages with handclap drums and tape loops, and again we have no real vocal, so the lyrical part is superfluous and I don't get points for that. Boo.

5. Polka dot: Think I know what to expect by now. Bring on the eighties-style synths! Yeah well it's uptempo so I get that much anyway, but not really what I'd call fast. Seems to be a male vocal this time, such as it is, still no real lyrics. Guess this is what they call shoegaze? Encountered this a little with My Bloody Valentine, and was not impressed by it. This ain't too bad though. Kind of more mid-tempo than upbeat really. Sigh.

6. Hold on: Oh how wrong I expect to be here! Oh look! There's a guitar! And vocals! Nice echoey piano too. Not really expecting too many violins here, and I think some other band booked the orchestra, but this is nice. Back to the female vocal, and the lyric does say “You gotta hold on”, so I think I get that one. Maybe. Don't see a big, stirring finish on the horizon though. Don't think this band does big, stirring finishes ... and I'm right. It just stops.

Well that was fun! Completely different to what I had expected but pleasant enough. Would never have guessed at the band playing that sort of music, and most of my attempts to figure out what this album would sound like have turned out, not surprisingly, to be wrong. Back tomorrow with the final scores.

And so, the result, or as I like to call it, the score of shame...

1. Nicotina:
Main instrument: 20%
Tempo: 30%
Subject: 0% (Kind of hard to get this right when there are no real discernible lyrics!)
Specifics: 0%
TOTAL: 50%

2. Lon lon
Main instrument: 0%
Tempo: 0%
Subject: 0%
Specifics: 0%
TOTAL: 0%

3. I wanna dance with somebody
Main instrument: 20%
Tempo: 30%
Subject: n/a as it's a cover
Specifics: 0%
TOTAL: 50%

4. Silhouette
Main instrument: 20%
Tempo: 30%
Subject: 0%
Specifics: 30%
TOTAL: 80%

5. Polka dot
Main instrument: 20%
Tempo: 30%
Subject: 0%
Specifics: 0%
TOTAL: 50%

6. Hold on
Main instrument: 0%
Tempo: 30%
Subject: 20%
Specifics: 0%
TOTAL: 50%

Making a final total then of 280 divide by 6 = 46% approx! An improvement of 300% on the previous one! Of course, there are less tracks but then again the overall score is higher, so not a bad second effort.

Shoegaze? Is it for me? Dunno really. This was pleasant enough but like MBV would I want to listen to ten or fifteen tracks of it? I kind of got the impression this band is not signed, and as is often the case with such bands there is very little information I could glean about them, despite their having a Soundcloud, Facebook and Bandcamp page. Why don't these people take the time to write a quick bio? Oh, and in my after-research I found out they have two albums previous to this, so as they say, this ain't their first rodeo.

Will it be my last, with them? Hard to say really but it hasn't quite endeared this sort of music to me, though on the other side of the coin it hasn't made me swear off it altogether. Cool name for an album, if nothing else!

So then, Powerstars, Briks and anyone else who wants to try copying my ideas: that's how it's done properly!

(Legal notice: Anyone trying to copy Trollheart's ideas will leave themselves open to litigation)
Until we meet again,

Ah yes, dredging out all the old journals and shaking them in the air, giving them a good spring clean! Well, it is April after all. Gotta get those mothballs out. In the course of looking for a new album --- or any album --- to serve as my third venture into the world of (pretty much failed) musical prediction, I looked at a few. One ended up being an EP by an instrumental postrock band, so that wouldn't do at all. It's hard enough trying to guess what songs will be like without attempting to work out what kind of music a band will play! So that one ended up in “Bitesize”, or will, depending on when I post this.

Another interesting one, which I felt would really challenge me and push my limits, was one by a foreign artiste --- Spanish I think --- but I was up for it. Until I saw that every track was a month of the year! How you gonna work out what “May” will be about, or “September”? Even I'm not that mad. So I passed over that one, and then found myself drawn to this.

http://www.trollheart.com/boshim.jpg

Himalayan --- Band of Skulls --- 2014

Now I have heard of this band before, and some of you here are probably very familiar with them, so will no doubt fall off your chairs laughing at my pathetic efforts to unscramble the mystery of what may lie within these tracks, surely getting it so wrong that, were this a game of “Cliffhanger” on the old ITV gameshow “Bruce's Price is Right” (yes, a ripoff of your American show: only older UK and Irish people will really understand what I'm talking about) the little guy would be yodelling his way off the edge and plunging to a sticky end. In other words, I don't feel confident about this at all.

But then, when have I? Who can really predict what a song or songs are going to sound like or be written about without having ever heard them? What kind of lunatic would even try to work out a song's nature based purely on its title? Title now: I don't look up lyrics. And surely only the heir to the throne of the kingdom of idiots would put such attempts out in the public domain, for everyone to roll their eyes and laugh at? Well yeah, but that's what this journal has been about from day one, as I explained in the original introduction. I have no hopes whatever that I'll be right even ten percent of the time here: maybe I'll strike lucky on the odd occasion but the odds are against it. But I don't care. It's all about kicking back and not taking things too seriously for once, and being able to laugh at yourself.

Sure if you can't laugh at yourself who can you laugh at? Yeah, true, that guy, but it's not a very nice thing to do is it?

Anyhoo, on with the show and what I know about Band of Skulls (and I've deliberately read very little, just enough to know I'm not about to leap headfirst over the edge into a pool of death metal or punk or hip-hop) is that they're described as “alternative rock” --- a very vague and catchall, and probably inaccurate more often than not, label --- and that they hail from good old Blighty (that's Britain to you) and are apparently very popular. This is their third album.

Tracks then: what we got? Well we have a dozen, some with very interesting titles that's going to make it even harder for me to guess at what they're about or what they're going to sound like, but hey we'll as ever give it a go: what have I, after all, to lose except the respect of my fellow music fans? Whaddya mean, yiz didn't respect me before I started doing this? Humph! Charming!

1. Asleep at the wheel: God, could be anything couldn't it? Well it's the opener so let's plump for it not being a ballad, and say it opens with jingly acoustic guitar that then turns into or is joined by electric, getting into a driving beat with uptempo piano (is there a piano or keyboard player in Band of Skulls? I don't know) and sure let's throw in some violin and/or cello somewhere in the song too. And it slows down at the end, fading out on the aforementioned strings. Maybe. What's it about? Man trying to figure out his life, feeling he's asleep at the wheel and letting it all pass him by. Or could be a guy driving a rig who's about to have a serious accident. But let's go for the former.

2. “Himalayan”: Let's be blindingly obvious and say it's built on a sort of chanty, Tibetan style chorus with bongo drums or whatever, chimes and acoustic guitar, a sort of midpaced song about, um, freedom? Yeah, freedom. We'll take the Tibetan motif and plaster it all over the song. No piano on this. Or violins. Maybe cellos. No, no cellos. But some weird, er, ethnic instruments. And chants. Lots of chants.

3. “Hoochie coochie”: Ah I'm gonna take a stab in the dark and say it's a cover of the old fifties song. I bet it's not but that's what I'm going for. It's short, so that's a good start. Probably totally wrong but yeah, cover.

4. “Cold sweat”: Would it be very lazy of me to say this is also a cover, of the Thin Lizzy song? Yes. Yes it would. So that's what I'm going to do. Two covers, one following the other, seems unlikely but hey, why not?

5. “Nightmares”: I don't know why but I somehow get the feeling this may be a ballad. Piano, soft guitar, return of the violins and/or cellos (if they were in the first track) and maybe a female vocal guesting? Meh. Probably a headbanging rocker, but I'm going for the ballad. That's it: my foot is down. The deal is done.

6. “Brothers and sisters”: Hope you're all having a good laugh at me, thinking “Jesus! Band of Skulls would never do that kind of music!” I hear this as a gospel-y mid-paced song, handclaps, organ, gospel choir. A “can't we get along” song with plenty of lyric about peace and brotherhood. Or it could be about incest. Yeah, probably incest. But I'm sticking with peace and love (not that kind of love!) in a gospel vein.

7. “I guess I know you fairly well”: Man, I can hear the laughter from here! Shut up, willyaz? I'm trying to concentrate here! This is another ballad, but it's only on piano and acoustic guitar, a song about a breakup. Wow, how original! Yeah well it's what I hear. Also going to go for the possible guest female vocal duetting here.

8. “You are all that I am not”: No no this will not be a ballad (yes it will but I'm not saying it will)! Hard rockin' track with screaming electric guitar, mad keys (if there are keys) and a real headshaker. Do I have to say uptempo? Uptempo. Loud. Fast. Nasty. All of the above expected to be wrong. Oh yeah: lyric. Um. Saracastic I think, sort of you think you're so great but you're just as bad as me. Yeah. Right.

9. “I feel like ten men, nine dead and one dying”: Oh come on! That could be about anything! Er. Another love song but not a ballad. Hard acoustic this time, stabbing keyboards, maybe violins again? Heavy drumbeat. Angry but tired vocal. What's it about? Damned if I know. Um. Another breakup? Left alone to face the world?

10. “Toreador”: Too obvious of course but let's give it a Spanish feel, castanets, Spanish guitar, ole's, the whole bit. Song about a bullfighter. Fast, with a latin beat. Oh I don't know. Release the bull!

11. “Heaven's key”: Well it could be you are the key to Heaven but somehow I don't think there will be that many ballads here, so for no reason at all, except that the title reminds me of the movie “Heaven's Gate”, I'm going to say it will have a cowboy/western feel, acoustic guitar and, um, banjo. Sure why not? And fiddles. Or violins, which are pretty much the same. And a jews harp. And pedal steel, or something. Uptempo with a sort of dramatic feel, almost cinematic in a kind of “The Big Country” way. The film, not the band.

12. “Get yourself together”: Cover of the Supertramp song. Nah, I kid, I kid. Slowish, country-ish, with steel guitar, electric and maybe piano again. Lyric, maybe, sort yourself out before it's too late. Oh how did I possibly get that from the title? :rolleyes: Well at least it wasn't ten men dead or whatever!

So there are my guesses, each one surely a turd in its own right. Tomorrow I'll actually listen to the album and see how many I got wrong, and how wrong I was. Stay tuned for another installment in “Trollheart gets taken down a peg. A whole peg!”

(Band of Skulls? I must be out of my skull!)

So, how badly did I embarrass myself this time? Let's see....

1. “Asleep at the wheel”: Well it's uptempo with guitar, but that's about all I got. No piano or acoustic guitar and definitely no violins! Or cellos. Distinct lack of cellos, or any string instrument that isn't a guitar. Driving beat, yes, but very guitar-centric. Think I got the theme for the lyric right, but I'm not positive. A reasonable fail with one or two points scored for me.

2. “Himalayan”: Oh dear! Well off the mark there (as if I didn't expect to be!) --- where are the Tibetan chants? The bongos? Wot no chimes? I heard the word free there, but I don't think I'm going to be able to claim I guessed the idea behind the title correctly, oh no. Never a monk around when you need one...

3. Hoochie coochie: It sort of would have been a good idea had I been familiar with the old song before claiming this would be a cover. I'm not. So I don't know if this is a cover, but I sort of don't think so. Let me run up YouTube and... well knock me down with an E-string! There IS no song called “Hoochie coochie”! Only “Hoochie coochie man” by Muddy Waters, and it sure ain't that...

4. Cold sweat: And that's certainly not Lizzy! A slow bluesy ballad. Oh, Trollheart, you lazy devil! Wrong again!

5. Nightmares: Now that I see “Cold sweat” is a ballad it's unlikely this will be, but... what do you know? It's not. Struck out again. Sort of midpaced rocker with more guitar to the fore. Sigh. Still, I really like the track; first one on the album that has grabbed me. Actually the previous one was good too, if I'm totally honest and fair.

6. Brothers and sisters: Surely this will be the worst guess of all, the most off the beam? Well it has a kind of funky vibe, but then I said gospel, didn't I? This ain't gospel. But the subject matter is close enough to what I said, not that it would have been that hard to guess from the title! I think I hear organ. But no choir. God does not love me.

7. “I guess I know you fairly well”: The exact opposite of which could apply to me and this album. Hmm. Is this a ballad? I think I may claim this one. No piano that I can hear but acoustic guitar, though it's a bit more in the style of RHCP's “Under the bridge” --- until it kicks up on harder guitar and no, I don't think in fairness I can call this a ballad. Boo. No guest female vocal either. Heading for my biggest defeat to date at this point.

8. “You are all I am not”: One hundred percent wrong on this! Bluesy ballad (I sarcastically predicted it would be, but only because I said it would not be, so that don't count). Got everything wrong about this. Lyric? Hmm. No, wrong there too: it's a honest, earnest title, more comforting than mocking.

9. “I feel like ten men, nine dead and one dying”: Oh yeah this will be fun. For the record, the previous was my favourite on the album despite the fact I got it so totally wrong. And here too, I miss the mark so widely it's as if the target is on another planet. A hard rocker with screaming guitar, as I incorrectly predicted the previous one would be. Driving drumbeat yes but I don't think you can call this a love song by any stretch of the imagination.

10. “Toreador”: Ooh! This one could be a home run! I hear the story of a bullfighter and Spanish guitar. Fast, certainly. Can you call that a latin beat? I think that might be stretching it. No castanets, sadly. Still, my best showing on this album so far. Which is not saying much.

11. “Heaven's key”: Not for me, it would seem. No cowboys. No jews harps. Or fiddles. Not even a steel guitar. Shoot. Tarnation. Done got it wrong again, pilgrim. And any other inappropriate western cliches I can think of. Bugger. Stupid, pointless guess anyway. Ah sure what else was I gonna say huh?

12. “Get yourself together”: Slowish but hardly country. More like folk if anything. No steel guitar. Sigh. Wrong again. Lyric? Close enough I guess, though again it was hardly too much of a stretch to reach that conclusion. Song kind of reminds me of Bread, weirdly. Really like this.

So, a pretty poor performance all round then. From me, not the album. Oh well: it's not like I didn't expect it. Scores tomorrow.

And so, the latest result of my pathetic endeavours. Yes, it's time once again to reveal the Score of Shame...

1. Asleep at the wheel
Main instrument: 0%
Tempo: 30%
Subject: 20% (Sort of anyway)
Specifics: 0%
TOTAL: 50%

2. Himalayan
Main instrument: 0%
Tempo: 0%
Subject: 0%
Specifics: 0%
TOTAL: 0%

3. Hoochie coochie
Main instrument: 0%
Tempo: 0%
Subject: 0%
Specifics: 0%
TOTAL: 0%

4. Cold sweat
Main instrument: 0%
Tempo: 0%
Subject: 0%
Specifics: 0%
TOTAL: 0%

5. Nightmares
Main instrument: 0%
Tempo: 0%
Subject: 0%
Specifics: 0%
TOTAL: 0%

6. Brothers and sisters
Main instrument: 0%
Tempo: 30%
Subject: 20%
Specifics: 0%
TOTAL: 50%

7. I guess I know you fairly well
Main instrument: 0%
Tempo: 0%
Subject: 0%
Specifics: 0%
TOTAL: 0%

8. You are all that I am not
Main instrument: 0%
Tempo: 0%
Subject: 0%
Specifics: 0%
TOTAL: 0%

[B]9. I feel like ten men .. you know the one[/B
]Main instrument: 0%
Tempo: 0%
Subject: 0%
Specifics: 0%
TOTAL: 0%
10. Toreador
Main instrument: 0%
Tempo: 30%Subject: 20%
Specifics: 0%
TOTAL: 50%

11. Heaven's key
Main instrument: 0%
Tempo: 0%
Subject: 0%
Specifics: 0%
TOTAL: 0%

12. Get yourself together
Main instrument: 0%
Tempo: 30%
Subject: 20%
Specifics: 0%
TOTAL: 50%

Making a final total then of 200 divide by 12 = 17% approx! An serious disimprovement on my last one but very slightly higher than the first one! Overall though I did really poorly on this, but then, what else did you expect?

As for the album, generally speaking I was pretty impressed by it. The first time I had ever listened to Band of Skulls, and while I wouldn't necessarily actively seek out their material again, I don't think I'd be averse to hearing more. An interesting mix of sounds, and a fairly decent album overall.

So then, for the next while you'll have to look elsewhere to get your laughs. I'm done here for a few weeks at least. Lots of other work to do, though it was nice to jump out of my comfort zone again and unwind with a little harmless self-deprecatory fun. Never any harm in that.

Until our paths cross again then:

This time out I’ve chosen a Country album under probably the mistaken impression that Country will be easier to predict, as it’s usually so, well, predictable. Probably make an even bigger mess of this than I usually do, but sure it’s all in fun, y’know?

I actually have an album from this band but have not yet listened to it, so I still will have no forewarning as to how they sound. I’ll obviously be throwing in some standard Country sterotypes (gotta be a steel guitar in there somewhere, surely?) which may make the end result even more hilarious, and as Arnold Rimmer once said, brimming over with wrongability!

http://megaboon.com/images/release/4...33122889325023
Love and other tragedies --- Red Molly --- 2008

And now I find they’re not a Country outfit but a folk one. Oh well. Probably gonna make a mess of it either way. So what have we got? It’s their debut album, of which they now have five. Red Molly are Laurie McAllister, Abbie Gardner and Molly Venter. Surprisingly, the band name is NOT based on hers, but on a character in a song by Richard Thompson.

But you don’t care about all this! You want to see me make a fool of myself, and who am I not to oblige? So let’s see how (in)accurate my predictions will be this time around.

Wichita: I feel this may be an acapella song, as all three appear to take vocal duties. If it is, then I have nothing more to say other than it should be a slow song. As soon as I hear any instrument I’ll know how wrong I am. Lyric? Oh, I don’t know, let’s see, wild guess --- about Wichita Kansas? I’m not even going to accept a score if that turns out to be correct as it’s so blindingly obvious, but it would be funny if I’m wrong even about that.

Beaumont rest stop: A slowish to mid-paced (stop cheating, TH!) acoustic number with fiddle and maybe flute. I don’t know if they play fiddle or flute, as I have only glanced very basically at their quite scanty Wiki page, but that’s what I hear. Also a piano, a slow one. Acoustic of course. Lyric: about a little truck stop or cafe in the middle of nowhere: “Take your ease at the Beaumont rest stop”, style of thing...

The mind of a soldier: Given that this is recorded in 2008 I wonder if it has to do with the Iraq War? Well it could go either way musically but I feel another slow acoustic on guitar, pedal steel and piano, with maybe violin and/or harmonica. Lyrically it could be praising the troops or decrying the need for war a la Dixie Chicks. I'm gonna go for the former, given the reception the three Texan ladies got after making their views plain in 2003.

Summertime: I know Red Molly do some covers, and I can’t really see anyone writing a new song with that title so I’m going to go for a cover of the classic, my all-time favourite song ever. Musically? Piano and violin, cello and double bass. Sure why not? Slow, obviously.

Is the blue moon still shining? I hear again an acapella trio opening but then it hits into an uptempo bluegrass number, with fiddle and electric guitar, accordion and it’s about, um, a place that was important in the singer’s past. Sort of like how are things at home?

Honey on my grave: Sheesh! Could be anything. Given the grave motif I’ll say a slow bluesy number, smoking with revenge and recrimination --- “When I’m dead will you come to pour honey on my grave? --- Hey, gimme a break! It could be! Performed on violin and dobro. And piano. Maybe.

Old dancin’ fool: Squaredance jamboree style, fast and uptempo with steel guitar and fiddle. Lyric concerns some old guy who still thinks he’s a young man and won’t accept old age. Or maybe it’s a husband-and-wife thing: “Dance with me, you old dancin’ fool.” Meh, I don’t know.

Sentimental gentleman from Georgia: Hmm. This is getting harder. A mid-paced acoustic with guitar and piano, about, oh I don’t know --- a sentimental gentleman from Georgia?

Wayfaring stranger: Probably way off here (why break a perfect losing run?) but I’m gonna say this is a cover of Strawfoot’s song, with a triple chorus and fiddles and banjos.

This farm needs a man: Uptempo bluegrass tune on fiddle and pedal steel, guitar and pianner with a lyric concerning a lonely widow who needs a new husband.

Make me lonely again: Ballad on pedal steel, acoustic and piano. Simple love song. I have no idea what the title might mean.

Keep your lamp trimmed and burning: An uptempo “I’ve been away/have to go away but I’ll be back” song. Hearty fiddle and guitar, jew’s harp and organ.

May I suggest: Closer, so slow pedal-steel-led ballad, with accordion and harmonica. And piano. The title may refer to a candlelit dinner, but probably not. Or some romantic activity?

So there we have it. Tomorrow I’ll listen to the album and report back on how wrong I got this, what the tracks really are like and how very little I know about folk, bluegrass and Country music.

Another day, another embarrassing failure. Let’s see if I got any even partway right.

Wichita: Well it sure ain’t acapella!Not only that, but it’s a fast song, not a slow one. Oh, and it’s about Wichita, of course. Who woulda thunk it?

Beaumont rest stop: Weellllll… it’s kind of mid-paced, yes, and there is fiddle there somewhere, though I have yet to hear a flute. I don’t think I got the subject right though: seems more about a bus stop than a cafe.

Mind of a soldier: Hey! Slow acoustic song. One thumb up. Guitar and pedal steel in there, don’t hear a piano yet. Subject totally off base though. Nice idea: “I don’t claim to know the mind of a soldier/ But I once knew the heart of a man.” There’s a violin, so doing ok on this one. If we were to get harmonica now I’d have a pretty good score. No, no harmonica. Oh well.

Summertime: Nah, not the classic, damn it. Also it’s uptempo. I got nothin’ here.

Is the blue moon still shining? Well it may be, but not on me. An uptempo bluegrass number? Ah, not quite. Slow, acoustic guitar piece with a sort of a watzy swing to it. Lyrically, I don’t think I quite nailed it either. Another fail. No acapella opening, no accordion, no fiddle and no electric gee-tar. Shee-oot!

Honey on my grave: Lyrically, this one was incredibly hard for me to even guess at, and amazingly I got it right! The lyric is almost word for word! Holy crap! It’s more an uptempo song with guitar and dobro rather than violin, but hey: I did good!

Old dancin’ fool: Wasn’t sure about the subject matter here, but it sure ain’t uptempo. Couldn’t be more opposite. Sure, who would expect to get two right in a row, even partially? Fiddle’s there all right, don’t hear steel guitar but I hold out hope. My second guess at the lyric was relatively spot-on oh and there’s the steel guitar! Woo-hoo!

Sentimental gentleman from Georgia: Now this one I had no clue about, so I won’t be in the least surprised to find I got it totally wrong. As I did. No mid-paced track, it’s a high-tempo bluegrass with banjo and double bass. Total fail, as expected. I must say, a terrible song. Terrible.

Wayfaring stranger: Holy crap! This sounds like it IS Strawfoot’s song! It bloody is! AND it’s slow, don’t hear fiddles or banjos --- ooh wait! There’s my fiddle just there. And that could be a banjo. Yeah, I am claiming this as a total success! Gotta take ‘em where you can!

This farm needs a man: And back to Earth with a bang we come! Well not completely. The tempo is wrong; more mid-paced and not bluegrass really, but the lyric is correct. Guitar and pedal steel, yes, fiddle not yet. No I don’t think there’s going to be any, or is that one just at the end? Yes! Woo-hoo!

Make me lonely again: I had no idea what the lyric would be, but it’s a ballad on acoustic guitar and pedal steel, the lyric actually quite clever: “If this is what love is, make me lonely again.” Lovely song. I think I can accept now that there will be no piano on this album. Guess Red Molly don’t use it.

Keep your lamp trimmed and burning: Uptempo as I thought (though it didn’t start that way), kind of gospel in tone, with banjo and guitar though no fiddle yet and I assume no organ. Jew’s harp? Meh. Doubtful but you never know. Lyric was totally wrong though: more a “keep faith in the Lord” type of song, Oh well.

May I suggest: Typical! The first time it’s acapella and I didn’t guess it would be. Also a three-voice acapella. Great closer though, just a pity yiz couldn’t have done this on earlier songs, ladies!

Well in the end I think I did a whole lot better than I had expected to. Tomorrow I’ll post the breakdown of the score and we’ll see how well, or how badly, my attempt turned out.

Here’s how the score breaks down then. I don’t think there were any specifics I can point to, so most if not all of those will be zero percent, but let’s see how I did on the others.


1. Wichita
Main instrument: 0% (Have to award zero, as I was expecting no instruments --- acapella --- and there are of course some)
Tempo: 0%
Subject: 0% (This was too easy so not applicable)
Specifics: 0%
TOTAL: 0%

2. Beaumont rest stop
Main instrument: 0%
Tempo: 30%
Subject: 0%
Specifics: 0%
TOTAL: 30%

3. Mind of a soldier
Main instrument: 20%
Tempo: 30%
Subject: 0%
Specifics: 0%
TOTAL: 50%

4. Summertime
Main instrument: 0%
Tempo: 0%
Subject: 0%
Specifics: 0%
TOTAL: 0%

5. Is the blue moon still shining?
Main instrument: 0%
Tempo: 0%
Subject: 0%
Specifics: 0%
TOTAL: 0%

6. Honey on my grave
Main instrument: 20%
Tempo: 0%
Subject: 20%
Specifics: 0%
TOTAL: 40%

7. Old dancin’ fool
Main instrument: 20%
Tempo: 0%
Subject: 20%
Specifics: 0%
TOTAL: 40%

8. Sentimental gentleman from Georgia
Main instrument: 0%
Tempo: 0%
Subject: 0%
Specifics: 0%
TOTAL: 0%

9. Wayfaring stranger
Main instrument: 20%
Tempo: 30%
Subject: 20%
Specifics: 20%
TOTAL: 100% (First ever? I awarded the extra ten percent because I got everything about this correct, for once)


10. This farm needs a man
Main instrument: 20%
Tempo: 0%
Subject: 20%
Specifics: 0%
TOTAL: 40%

11. Make me lonely again
Main instrument: 20%
Tempo: 30%
Subject: 0%
Specifics: 0%
TOTAL: 50%

12. Keep your lamp trimmed and burning
Main instrument: 0%
Tempo: 30%
Subject: 0%
Specifics: 0%
TOTAL: 30%

13. May I suggest
Main instrument: 0%
Tempo: 30%
Subject: 20%
Specifics: 0%
TOTAL: 50%

Making a final total then of 430 divide by 13 = 33% approx! This could be my best showing yet! Let me just check back … nah, got 46% for the Stumbeliene album. Still, better than my previous effort! I think I’ll go reward myself with a cream cake! With jam, of course…

Until you have the misfortune to lose your way and find yourself here again…

http://www.trollheart.com/backfrom.png
Yeah! Bet you all thought I'd forgotten about this, huh? What? This journal. The one I haven't updated in ... the one where I predict ... look, just pretend you remember it, ok? I'm not paying you those big cheques for nothing you know! Speaking of which, the latest one might be a little late. Money's been tight recently and ... you know, let's talk about that later ok?

I haven't updated this journal in about a year, but that's not surprising, given all the other stuff I have going on. Nevertheless, I didn't want to let it die, as it is a good and original, if somewhat twisted idea. So who have I chosen to embarrass myself with this time out? How about these lads...
https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikiped...tems_cover.jpg
Clutching stems --- The Ladybug Transistor --- 2011 (Merge Records)

Apparently part of Elephant Six Collective (what?), The Ladybug Transistor have been around since 1995 and this is their seventh album. They're based out of Brooklyn, and the fact that I have never heard of them before will be, I'm sure, a surprise to nobody. So what's on the album? Or more to the point, what do I think it sounds like?

Note: if you're confused by the idea of this journal check the OP. I know it's been a while but I'm not going to keep explaining the premise every time. It should be fairly obvious anyway....

“Clutching stems”: We open on the title track, which I feel has a jangly, uptempo guitar sound to it, possibly some bouncy piano. Might be about hope, a variant of clutching at straws? Hard to say, but I reckon it's a relatively fast and upbeat song.

“Light on the narrow gauge”: From what I recall, narrow gauge refers to railways, so I'm going to say acoustic guitar, kind of slowish, folky sound, and I wouldn't be surprised if they threw in either the sounds of a train whistle or an engine puffing. The song is about the decline of the steam engine and the railways in the US. A somewhat obvious guess yes, but I'll probably be way off. Throw in some harmonica maybe.

“Fallen and falling”: Slow ballad on piano only. Typical song of unrequited or lost love.

“Ignore the bell”: Happy, uptempo on guitar and keys, maybe some brass. Song concerns not worrying about tomorrow and just enjoying yourself.

“Oh Christina”: Gonna take a chance and not go for the obvious here; this is not a ballad but an uptempo song on piano and guitar, throw in some sax, perhaps a solo, maybe a tambourine? Just a love song, perhaps speaking to the object of love the singer cannot attain? “Oh Christina, why do you treat me like this?” or similar in the lyric.

“Caught don't walk”: Again I'm taking a chance and going for this being an instrumental. It's based around synth and keys, guitar solo in the middle or somewhere anyway, brass and maybe even violin.

“Breaking up the beat”: Fast uptempo song on guitar mostly, with keys backing and harmonica. No idea what it's about.

“Into the straight”: Could be an instrumental but I'll go against that possibility and say a slow piano-driven song with guitar flourishes, though what it's about is anyone's guess.

“Hey Jack I'm on fire”: I just hear fast, rockabilly style guitar and a kind of jumping beat. Just a basic dance song, maybe "I'm on fire with love for you" or similar?

“Life less true”: A ballad on acoustic guitar and piano, with a sort of Country flavour to it. Maybe add some pedal steel. Song is about facing your responsibilities and not putting on airs. Maybe.

So those are my very uneducated guesses as to what this album will sound like. Tomorrow we'll see the truth of the matter, and find out how wrong I was.

Okay, so let's see:

Clutching stems: Well it's relatively uptempo, I hear guitar, but synth rather than piano; not sure what it's about but I think I might have guessed somewhat correctly. Maybe.

Light on the narrow gauge: Certainly not a slow, folky song, some acoustic guitar yes but not really the song I had expected, or guessed at. Singer reminds me of Lloyd Cole, as an aside. Doubt we're gonna get any train sounding paraphernalia here. Unlikely there'll be any harmonica either. Uptempo song, guitar-driven yes.

“Fallen and falling”: Organ rather than piano, uptempo rather than slow, ironically this one features more lyrics about trains that the previous one did! Unrequited love? I think so, yes.

“Ignore the bell”: Uptempo, guitar but not keys that I can hear. Basic idea seems to be there or thereabouts: life's too short etc.

“Oh Christina”: Seems like a folky, acoustic feel to it, with some ambient sounds but hey, then it kicks up and it is an upbeat song after all. Guitar again, trumpet rather than sax, but I'll take that.

“Caught don't walk”: Certainly some brass, piano driven with a nice guitar. Is it instrumental? No. Boo. I hear violin, I hear violin. :tramp: Can that be taken as a guitar solo there? Hell I'm not above bending the circumstances in my favour once in a while: I need all the luck I can get!

“Breaking up on the beat”: (Oh, I got it wrong. Missed out a word. Now it makes sense, too late of course)... Relatively fast --- well, in fairness, let's not cheat too much: it's more midpaced than anything really --- guitar led, though there's trumpet in there, but there are also keys.

“Into the straight”: Totally wrong on this one. Fast song, organ driven. Bah. Good song though.

“Hey Jack I'm on fire”: Couldn't have been more off. Organ led again, not a rockabilly in sight. Urgh. (That's for my guess, not the song; it's pretty neat)

“Life less true”: No ballad this, no pedal steel. Just about as off as I could be.

Well, a bad ending but I think I caught the odd shot of dumb luck, or shrewdly predicted what some of the songs would be, depending on how you want to look at it. Tomorrow I'll post the scores, see how the actual figures look.

So then, time to look at some specifics and see how badly I came out of this. Again.

Clutching at stems: Main instrument=20%
Tempo=30%
Subject=20%
Specifics=0%
Total=70%

Light on the narrow gauge: Main instrument=20%
Tempo=0%
Subject=0%
Specifics=0%
Total=20%

Fallen and falling: Main instrument=20%
Tempo=0%
Subject=20%
Specifics=0%
Total=40%

Ignore the bell: Main instrument=20%
Tempo=30%
Subject=20%
Specifics=0%
Total=70%

Oh Christina: Main instrument=20%
Tempo=30%
Subject=20%
Specifics=20%
Extra for guessing everything right = 10%
Total=100% !

Caught don't walk: Main instrument=20%
Tempo=30%
Subject=0%
Specifics=20%
Total=70%

Breaking up to the beat: Main instrument=20%
Tempo=30%
Subject=0%
Specifics=0%
Total=50%

Into the straight: Main instrument=0%
Tempo=0%
Subject=0%
Specifics=0%
Total=0%

Hey Jack I'm on fire: Main instrument=0%
Tempo=0%
Subject=0%
Specifics=0%
Total=0%

Life less true: Main instrument=0%
Tempo=0%
Subject=0%
Specifics=0%
Total=0%

So, some unexpectedly on the money, some expectedly way off base, with a final total then of 420. Interestingly, that's almost the same score as I got for the previous album. But that one had 13 tracks, this has ten, so 420 divide by 10 =42%, which gives me a much higher score track for track, and comes close to equalling my best score of 46%, still held by that Stumbeline record. Not bad though.

So, that's some minutes out of your life that you'll never get back! Until I next remember I have this journal and decide to update it,