I've got a lot of respect for you Batty (though you know that of course): for someone who's a hardcore metalhead to not only admit listening to someone like Britney but actively listen to her discography and post about it, fair play to you. Kind of makes me remember when I reviewed Pixie's "Young free and happy" or something. It's nice to step outside your (god no I can't say it can I?) comfort zone (AARRGGHHH!) once in a while, and while I'm not huge fan of BS (ha ha ha!) I do like the odd song. It's good that you're openminded enough to not just dismiss her completely, and even better that you couldn't give a toss what others think about that.

Well done man!

Britney Spears: Femme Fatale

Last Britney Spears album. Hold me.




Sounds much the same as the last album. It's not bad, but not particularly amazing either. Hip hop meets dance pop, but not as much fun as Blackout. I haven't heard anything particularly wrong, and I'm enjoying this album, but nothing's really beating me over the head either. I imagine that at this point Britney needs to pull a Madonna and reinvent herself cause she's become stale. I don't know that I see that happening though. Oh well, it's not like I'm particularly worried about Britney Spears embarrassing herself with bad albums. Again, not that this is bad, it's just kind of workaday.

Alright, "Seal It with a Kiss" is pleasing me. I'm hoping that this album might be starting to grow on me rather than this just being a better song than the others.

Nope, nothing's really jumping out at me. I was hoping that my last Britney review would be better than this, so I'm gonna give this another spin or two and hope that it grows on me.

Alright, this is definitely starting to grow on me. No godawful ballads helps. It's definitely not quite as infectious as past albums, but it's still tons of fun once you get over the fact that there isn't a "Hit Me Baby One More Time" or a "Toxic" level song on here. Scratch that, "I Wanna Go" might just be the song I was waiting for. In the words of Christopher Titus, that's some hot business.

I've just gone over the whole thing a couple times and it's definitely better than it appears on first listen. This is a worthy addition to Britney's questionable though highly entertaining discography. I'm now sad. No more Britney albums to review. I just don't know what I'm going to do with myself. Hide out in her bushes and masturbate while watching her watch The Real Housewives of Atlanta I imagine.

Lou Reed: Metal Machine Music

I've just been listening to this album for the last twenty minutes and I've decided to review it for no other reason than to say that in all this time I have had no idea what the fuck was going on. Throbbing Gristle makes more sense than this. I'm listening to it as background music while I surf the interwebs, so it's all pretty much just going past me without sounding like anything other than free form noise, but I imagine that if I sat down and actually listened to this that I would become frustrated in about thirty seconds and go stick my head in the toilet. I don't suppose making sense is the point though, so much as just screwing with the listener as he desperately tries to figure out what's happening to his ears. Mission accomplished, Lou. Yet somehow I am still enjoying myself. Honestly I don't even think this is because of any quality of the album, I'm just in the mood for some weirdness and would just as soon listen to Philip Glass or Diamanda Galas. I just happened to decide on this.

And if you're looking for a description of the "music" then fuck off. If you don't know what this is then you probably wouldn't care anyway.

Metal Machine Music is biggest Fuck You in music history so for that reason alone It'll always have a place in my collection.

Not that I'm dumb enough to pay for it or actually listen to the thing mind you.

Hey, some people are dumb enough to listen to Merzbow as more than just a novelty act.

I wish they had a thing on Last FM where you can see which person has the most plays by an artist out of every single person that's ever listened to that artist.

I bet Merzbow's would be his mother.

Kylie Minogue: Light Years

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All this Britney Spears is totally making me wanna expand my dance pop knowledge. Kylie Minogue is one of those names I've been hearing get thrown around so here goes.

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Damn. I am already highly entertained. Three songs in and I want to buy this. This is just fun, sun shiny, feel good music that is catchier than the Bubonic Plague and even more awesome. I love how this album has no qualms about sounding cheesy as all fuck. It just goes straight for your happy button without any sense of shame or self consciousness.

Kylie's voice and the dance pop/disco music on here feel like the perfect music for a night of dancing and questionable sex on the beach. So the cover is perfect. Or maybe a drive in a convertible along one of those California roads that's on a cliff overlooking the ocean. I wouldn't be driving of course. I'd be far too busy cleaning the shit from my pants. Seriously, who drives on those death traps?

Is that a song about the Loveboat? Oh, God that's just so deliciously goofy.

And just when I was thinking the disco was getting a bit repetitive in comes "Koocachoo" with some off-the-wall electro pop to make things nice and fresh again. Not to mention more fun than...than...hold on, I'll get back to you with an amusing metaphor. I wouldn't want to disappoint my adoring subjects after all. Ah, fuck it. I'm lazy.

Yeah, on a first(ish) listen this album is just awesome. I've definitely got a new obsession to explore. Why must America be so indifferent to anything not from America? This should have been all over the radio.

First of all, fuck you Ke$ha. No man should have to decide whether to use a dollar sign in a name or to preserve his dignity. Secondly my pop obsession rolls on like a tank over the trenches of World War I. If that wasn't the first WWI reference in a Ke$ha review then I fear for the world. Anyway...




God damn it. Why must I love this? Her whole style of singing makes my brain say "What godawful shit! Turn this off right now and go play a game of chess to wipe this abomination out of your brain," but it's also so cheesy that I can only love it. There isn't really much to say about the music other than it's the usual dance pop meets hip hop that has been used elsewhere since the beginning of time. The energy on display though sets it apart from the pack and makes you keep listening long after your better judgement has thrown its hands in the air and stormed off in anger. Good riddance. I don't even like to party but this kinda makes me wanna go find a frat party, do a keg stand, blackout, and then wake up on the front lawn wearing women's clothing and a sticky condom.

God damn it. Four songs of pure pop nirvana and now we get a lame ballad. Why on Earth would Ke$ha have the bad judgement to make a ballad? No one on Earth, be they teeny bopper or internet weirdo who should be filling out job applications, wants to hear Ke$ha try to wax emotional. It is somewhat amusing that the auto-tune doesn't stop even for what should be a heartfelt ballad though.

Thank god. Back to the terrible-but-glorious party pop.

God has abandoned me. Yet another ballad. Even worse. I don't entirely hate it. I know I should, but I am somehow entertained.

God be praised. "Party at a Rich Dude's House" has got to be one of the greatest names for a song of all time. The fact that the song bangs is an added bonus.

I am now at the end of the album and except for a couple questionable ballads pretty much the whole thing has made me deliriously happy. I use to assume that mainstream pop albums were terrible aside from the singles, but I am being forced to reevaluate this assumption. I'm going to have to buy a Cannibal Corpse album the next time I go to the CD store. Not to make up for anything, but just so that the clerk will give me a strange look when he sees Tomb of the Mutilated sitting on top of Ke$ha, Kylie Minogue, and Britney Spears.



When I was searching for a headphones pic I found this and I feel that it is worth sharing given the circumstances.

Lou Reed made a very similar statement about Metal Machine Music, ""Well, anyone who gets to side four is dumber than I am."

Reed's tinnitus inducing album is the sonic equivalent of placing both your ears on the speakers of Thurston Moore's amplifier while he does 65 minute feedback freakout on his guitar.

All this talk about Metal Machine Music, I've listened to it a couple a times over the years and remember sod all about it.