Trollheart

As explained when I began running the series, “House of cards” is a trilogy, based on three separate but linked books, and following the career of Francis Urquhart from lowly Chief Whip of the Conservative Party to the giddy heights of Prime Minister. Each part is titled differently. This is then essentially part two, and follows Urquhart in his role as PM. What follows over the next four episodes shows that when it comes to maintaining his hold on power, Urquhart will not even let the man sitting on the Royal Throne of England stand in his way!

CAST

Francis Urquhart, played by Sir Ian Richardson: The machiavellan politician is the centrepiece and focus of the three books, so of course he is back to scheme his schemes, sacrificing people left and right like pawns on a chessboard. The one thing Urquhart wants above everything is power, and he will do anything, including murder to get it. He will not stop at taking on the King of England, if the man threatens his position.

His Majesty The King, played by Michael Kitchen: Newly crowned as the figurehead leader of state, the King is a man of principles and ethics, who believes that the poor should be taken care of. There should in fact be no poor: he wants an undivided England. He is at heart a dreamer, though he does retain the loyalty of the people, and his plans to help the disenfranchised and dismantle the different levels of society, to do away with the haves and have-nots, puts him on a direct collision course with the ultimate capitalist, who serves at his pleasure in Downing Street.

Sarah Harding, played by Kitty Aldridge: A pollster who becomes Urquhart’s personal advisor and later mistress. She essentially becomes Mattie Storin Mark II.

Elizabeth Urquhart, played by Diane Fletcher: Francis’s scheming wife is back to stand by his side, help him cover up the evil deeds he perpetrates, and reap the rewards of those deeds.

Tim Stamper, played by Colin Jeavons: Although Urquhart’s attack dog played a relatively insignificant role in “House of cards”, his influence grows here as he begins to try to rise through the ranks and is thwarted by his mentor. Remember: attack dogs can attack their owner if provoked!

Chloe Carmichael, played by Rowena King: to some extent the Penny of “House of cards”, Chloe is the king’s assistant publicist, a black woman who uses her position at the palace to push her left-wing minority agenda whenever she can. She has fierce admiration for the king, and detests Urquhart as an example of everything she stands against.

David Mycoft, played by Nicholas Farrell: Private secretary to the king, he is a latent homosexual whose marriage is breaking up as the series begins, and whose personal life is about to take over from his professional one, putting him in an impossible position.

Commander Corder, played by Nick Brimble: If Stamper is Urquhart’s attack dog, Corder is the mad pitbull. He is the finger on the trigger, the knock at the door, the deliverer of brown envelopes that destroy careers. His are the hands that cleanse, his the nod that removes the PM’s enemies at his behest. He is fanatically loyal to Urquhart, cold and methodical, perhaps quietly psychotic as we shall see later and not at all afraid of doing Urquhart's bidding, nor in the least reluctant to carry out his orders, no matter what they might be. In the Middle Ages, he would have been called The King's Hand. And that hand is very bloody.

Episode One

We see the smarmy, self-satisfied face of Urquhart as he speeds along in a limo. He turns to the camera (to us) and remarks “Remember that frightfully nice man who spoke of the classless society? He had to go of course. Everything changes.” This indicates that Urquhart is talking about something that has already happened, and we are about to be taken back in time to witness the events. Indeed, the new king has just been crowned, and Uruqhart, as Prime Minister, is there (as are we now) to witness the coronation. He does not seem taken with him. One imagines a similar reaction to that he had when Henry Collingridge was elected into the office he now holds himself. But Urquhart’s dreams are constantly haunted by the terrible thing he did at the end of “House of cards”, and he sees Mattie’s body falling away from him, over the edge of the rooftop garden and down to smash onto a parked van, as she screams “Daddddyyyyyyy!” It seems he will never be free of the ghost of Mattie. He goes to see the king, summoned there, and meets Chloe Carmichael, the king’s assistant press secretary, and David Mycroft, her boss. He seems a little contemptuous of both, asking Carmichael through his traditional fixed smile that never reaches his calculating eyes, “And just what is your job description?” He seems annoyed that the previous assistant to the monarch, one Sir Edgar, is “taking early retirement”, surely palace code for being let go as the new king brings in his own people?

The king talks of the poor in society, the homeless and the disadvantaged, and how he can help them. Urquhart plays the problem down, saying he too is worried that people are homeless --- though he pointedly adds “however few” --- but that there is really nothing that can be done about it, and he counsels --- warns, really --- the king against “throwing borrowed money at the problem.” Of course, Urquhart couldn’t care less about the poor, the homeless or the unemployed. Like our friend Alan B’Stard, to him these people are a lower form of life, good for one thing only: votes. And not even that any more, as somehow (though it's not explained how --- lack of interest perhaps --- very few of the "underclasses" are said to be even registered to vote. So they're absolutely no use to Urquhart, and if they're no use to him then they can all go to hell. Naturally, he does not voice this position to the monarch.

The king tells Urquhart that the government office buildings to be erected in a prime London real estate area should instead be used for a community centre, something which does not sit well with the PM, though he dare not shoot down the idea outright.Once he gets back to Number Ten though he makes sure that all his cronies are briefed on what to say to the Secretary of State for the Environment when he comes in with his plan, all full of what he is going to do for the inner city, and the whole idea is carefully but firmly shut down, put to one side and Dick Caule, the SoS, can surely feel a hot breath on his neck. Should he turn around he would doubtless see Urquhart bearing down on him, fangs bared! He’s quickly told to accept an alternative position --- “So much better than a straight sacking!” --- and Urquhart and his new Chief Whip, Stamper, celebrate that the contractor they were getting kickbacks from will be able to go ahead with his development as planned.

The king, Urquhart knows all too well, will not be happy that his idea will be blocked now --- with the Secretary of State sacked Caule can not protest, and as it was his baby nobody else will; Francis will obviously appoint someone he can trust to the post now: one of the boys, a sound man who will do what he’s told --- and Urquhart thinks it might be prudent to “take out an insurance policy” against the ruler of the country, asks Stamper to look into it. Meanwhile he interviews, at Elizabeth’s urging, a young opinion pollster called Sarah Harding, whom his wife believes may be the “distraction” her husband craves. He is getting bored, jaded, set in his ways: he needs a new challenge, and Sarah may be the one to provide it. The fact that she’s pretty and sexy certainly helps, but as ever it’s the mind Francis craves, and eventually, the soul.

Given the option, Sarah admits she can’t resist the offer and accepts. Her husband is less than happy, though she has made it clear she is not interested in a sexual relationship with her new employer.

Stamper visits Princess Charlotte, introducing her to Sir Bruce Bullerby, editor of the Clarion newspaper, who she seems to dislike intensely. The Chief Whip has a proposition for her though: he knows she was paid off after her divorce so that certain embarrassing details would not come out and implicate the Royal Family in a scandal. She is hurting from the treatment she received, and no doubt misses the finer things in life, so the chance to get back at the family of her ex-husband speaks to her, especially when she can make so much money at it. But there is a problem: she was warned by the Palace not to blab or something nasty would happen to her. Stamper tells her Bullerby will pay her for her story --- “for history” --- but not publish it till after her death. She will get the best of both worlds: when she passes on her story can be told and until then she can live in the luxury to which she has become accustomed, and which at present evades her.

There is of course a catch: Bullerby wants to “become her friend” … in every way. The princess is repulsed by the idea --- she hates and loathes the fat balding man --- but there is the money, calling, already in Stamper’s briefcase just waiting to be handed over. She agrees, and Urquhart now has his insurance policy, a weapon to use, should it be needed, against the king. Speaking of the king --- literally --- he tells the PM that he intends to make a speech in ten days time to the charitable commission which will outline his desire to help the poor, close up the divisions in the country and place more emphasis on helping people. Urquhart, needless to say, is unimpressed.

Chloe convinces the king to keep his speech as it is, although he has at last acquiesced to Urquhart’s request for a copy, while David Mycroft reveals to His Majesty that his own marriage is over and goes out, gets attacked and finds his way into a private gentleman’s club, where he gets picked up. He realises for the first time in years that he has been fooling himself into thinking he is straight, and throws himself into an affair with his new friend. Urquhart summons Sarah to his townhouse, where he asks her for her opinion of the speech the king intends to give. She is as deprecating of it as is the Prime Minister, and performs what he gleefully calls a “surgical emasculation” on the speech, taking all of value, ie everything important, everything the king wanted to say, out of it and leaving a bland, pointless missive.The king is of course furious, and determines to read the speech as he had written it. Chloe tells him he should also make public the fact that the government tried to censor it.

It’s Urquhart’s turn to be furious, as the papers get hold of the fact that he tried to rewrite the king’s speech and he demands His Majesty instigate an investigation into how the leak happened at the Palace.

QUOTES
Urquhart: “A new king! A new age of hope and peace and spiritual growth. Etcetera.”

Elizabeth: “Everything you have done in the past was for your country’s good. Everything.”

Urquhart: “I must confess, I do feel a residual frisson. A king is a king after all, and the sherry is usually excellent. I do hope there won’t be any changes there. One hears these rumours about … camomile tea!”

His Majesty: “Well now, you’ve had a lot more practice at this sort of thing than I.”
Urquhart: “Perhaps Sir, but I’m sure you have had the benefit of your mother’s exceptional experience and her valuable counsel. As have I myself.”
His Majesty: “Yes. She said you listened very courteously and deferentially, and then went away and did exactly as you pleased! Is that how it was?”
Urquhart: “Oh that’s very good, Sir. Her Majesty always did enjoy a little joke at my expense. She understood the constraints that bind us very well: we can none of us do exactly as we please. And that’s probably a good thing.”
(This is an interesting first warning shot from Urquhart. He is advising the new king that he had better not have any funny ideas, now that he is in power, about actually doing anything. In Urquhart’s view, a king, or queen, is nothing more or less than a figurehead, someone to bow to and smile at and say “Yes Sir” or “Yes Ma’am”. But the business of running the country had best be left to him and his cabinet. He of course smiles when he says this, but his eyes are as ever hard as diamond and his smile the sort of thing you might expect to see if a cobra could smile.)

His Majesty: “You’re a clever man, Mr. Urquhart.”
Urquhart: “You’re too kind Sir. I’d rather be remembered as a wise man than a clever one, though I think sound man is the highest praise I can expect.”
His Majesty: “I’d like to be remembered as a good man.”
(Here we have the fundamental difference between the two men. Urquhart would rather be a “sound man”: one who gets the job done, no matter what. One who can be relied on. One who will let nothing stand in the way of achieving his goal. Honed in his years as Chief Whip, when he had to “put a bit of stick about”, keep the troops in line, and became both respected and feared, and carried through to the highest office in the land, where if anyone says anything bad about him it’s certainly not to his face. The King, on the other hand, is an idealist, and believes that with great power comes great responsibility. He is distressed at the plight of the poor and believes that it is his job to try to help them.

The thing he does not understand, fails to grasp utterly, is that he is a constitutional monarch; his power comes from Parliament and he can really do little or nothing without their agreement and approval. He is not a feudal lord: his word is not law. Well, not if it does not tie in with what the Prime Minister thinks is “best for the nation”. This idealogical chasm will grow as the two most powerful men in the land face off against one another, leaving room for only one victor.)

Urquhart: “Did you write in the "Observer" that Francis Urquhart is like a shark: he has to keep moving forward to stay alive?”
Sarah: “Not a very flattering simile, I’m sorry.”
Urquhart: “Well, better a shark than a sheep, I suppose.”

Sarah: “I’m interested in looking at power close up. I want to see how it works.”
Urquhart:”You know how it works, Sarah. It corrupts. And absolute power corrupts absolutely.”
Sarah: “There’s no such thing as absolute power.”
Urquhart: “If you work for me, you will give me your absolute allegiance.”
(Another interesting point here. Urquhart is playing with Sarah, letting her know that he is inherently evil, that should she make a compact with him she is getting into bed (literally, after a while) with the devil himself. He offers her the contract, but she must sign it of her own free will. The Devil never forces or coerces anyone to make that pact: they must do so willingly and with the full knowledge (so far as they are aware) of what they are getting into.)

His Majesty: “I want to talk about the wastage of human resources as well as natural resources, about the divisions in our country --- north and south, rich and poor, hope and despair --- and what we can do about it. Well, you know what I’m talking about: you must be as desperately concerned about it as I am!” (Yeah…)

Urquhart: “All I’m saying Sir is that in a constitutional monarchy the sovereign cannot be seen to be opposing his own government.”
(And there lies the rub. This is exactly what is happening. When Urquhart hears the king’s speech (hah!) is already written he asks --- demands really --- that his people be allowed to “go over it”, which the king knows means the big red pen of censorship. He refuses, and the Prime Minister knows that he is about to have a battle on his hands, one which he may not find that easy to win. After all, nobody has taken on the ruler of Britain since Oliver Cromwell, and we know how that turned out!. Interestingly, tellingly in fact, this is the first time when in His Majesty’s presence that we see the smile slip from Urquhart’s face. The mask slides and for a brief moment the cold dead eyes of an indomitable will to survive stare out, like the last look an assassin gives his target before pulling the trigger.)

Urquhart (to camera): “Strong words. But I’m afraid we can’t allow it. If he thinks that being king gives him the right to say what he likes then he is a bloody fool!”

Urquhart: “He has to learn. People wouldn’t take kindly to a man with three Bentleys lecturing them on equality!”

Urquhart: “Your Majesty, as a private man you are free to entertain any beliefs you like, but as the monarch you have no beliefs, or shall we say, no personal political convictions. Not in public.”

Elizabeth: “Oh dear. he was difficult, was he?”
Urquhart: “He was yes. I think we have a new leader of the opposition.”
Elizabeth: “Break him, Francis. Bring him down.”
Urquhart: “I’ll bring the lot of them down if I have to.”
(This short speech tells us so much about Francis Urquhart, as if we didn’t already know. He is talking about what could be seen in some quarters or from some viewpoints as treason: going up against his king, forcing him to abdicate, pushing him out of power. He would be happy to bring down the entire monarchy as long as he retains his vicelike grip on power. He’ll tell us it’s for the good of the country, but by now we know better. Sometimes, the interests of the nation coincide with those of Urquhart. When they do, that’s fine. When they don’t, it will always be the Prime Minister’s concerns that win out. FU helps nobody but himself.)

Power behind the throne
Perhaps to be taken literally this time around, as Urquhart takes on the very king himself. But it is as ever Elizabeth who keeps him on his mental toes. In “House of cards” itself it was she who convinced her husband to run for the position of leader of the party, when he had entertained no such notions himself. It was she who assisted in the “removal” of Roger O’Neill, and now here again she is ready to stand behind Francis and support him no matter what.

She starts by acquiring for him “Mattie Storin Version 2.0” in the pollster Sarah Harding. She sees in her a brilliant mind --- and a fabulous body! --- that will surely intrigue Urquhart and help him to face the trials coming. When Francis complains about the king being awkward, she encourages him to destroy the man: “Break him, Francis!” she smiles. “Bring him down.” And she knows, and we know, that he can and will.

The Royal “We”
Urquhart is again at it: “We can’t allow that to happen” he tells us. Again, whether he is talking at this point about the party as a whole, the government or all interested parties, or taking us into his confidence and making us part of his conspiracy (after all, we know about what happened on the rooftop garden, don’t we? And we haven’t gone blabbing to the papers) is at this point unclear, yet it seems certain that Urquhart sees the world in black and white, as a clear case of “us” and “them”. And “them” don't stand a chance against him!

__________________
Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018

Trollheart

2.1 “Legitimate targets”

As season two opens we pick up exactly where season one ended, with Masie and Ellie trapped in Tom''s house and a bomb in his briefcase about to go off. A bomb does go off, but it's in another part of London --- the one in Tom's house fails to explode. Thames House is evacuated as a coded warning comes through, and it turns out that the Secretary of State for Northern Ireland has been killed by a bomb in his house, for which the separatist group Patrick McCann works with has claimed responsibility. He calls Tom, asking to come over to his side: his life is in danger and he needs to get out. However he's too slow and is killed before MI5 can pick him up.

Before he died though, McCann warned Tom that the killing of the NI Secretary of State was just the beginning: this day is about to get a whole lot worse. Called in to work against his will, Tom insists Ellie and Masie come with him. There's been a mortar attack on an army base which is supposed to be classified, but McCann's group have not claimed responsibility for it, unlike the killing of the Secretary of State. Looking into other possible culprits, they come across a Serb general, Miroslav Gradic, and think he might be involved. In the middle of all this Ellie leaves Thames House with Masie, and goes to her mother's; she will not speak to Tom when he calls later that night. He goes to Danny's apartment and speaks to he and Zoe when they return. He confides to Zoe that he wishes he had never told Ellie his secret; he knows he is going to lose her now. The attack on the army base appears to have been a diversion to cover the theft of munitions from Longcross, and they suspect a mole in the MoD. They track a Serbian intelligence agent who is working out of the Serb embassy, and Zoe latches on to him, intent on finding out what his link with Gradic is. A munitions transport is attacked by Gradic, giving him more weapons.

Danny is attacked by some thugs and left in a heap, and it emerges that the Serb agent, Rado, is Gradic's nephew. He has killed in his service, and Zoe is now in his apartment and in potentially grave danger. Luckily though she manages to pass him the cufflinks which have a keylogger built in, as she has been ordered to do. A man presented with a gift from a pretty woman? Who wouldn't make a point of wearing the things? So now MI5 can pick up everything he types on his keyboard. It seems he's sending classified ads to be posted in newspapers. The guys know this must be code and luckily Danny unearths their mole, a low-level operative who has been fooled into thinking he was helping a Freedom of Information movement. He tells them that the ads corresponded to a coded location which would be the “dead drops” where he would leave the secret papers for his contact --- whom he only knew as “Radovan” --- and collect his money.

MI5 get to work trying to find the relevant ad and Malcolm finds it. The terrible truth is that the ad shows a grid location for the COBRA meeting being chaired by the Prime Minister tonight and with all top heads of government and the armed forces attending, a chance for Gradic to strike off the head of the snake, take out the heads of the intelligence, military and government at one blow. Even now, as Tom races towards the location, the attackers have broken in and are ascending the stairways. But when Gradic enters the meeting room he finds only Tom there --- and the army of course. The meeting has been rescheduled and relocated at the last minute.

Gradic is taken into custody, but Tom sneers that sending him to the Court of Criminal Justice at the Hague is more like a holiday, and Harry agrees. So they concoct a story that he is a paedophile, and send him to Egypt, where he will be treated appropriately. It's rough justice, but it's justice. But if that's a happy ending for Tom it's the only one, as Ellie, tired of competing with his job and national security, leaves him for good, and he can't really blame her. Radovan is also arrested for having aided his uncle.

The “Need to Know”
Highlighting how tight security is and how everyone must abide by it, a lower-ranking agent tells Harry “Urgent incident report Sir, but I don't have clearance to read it out. It's on screen now.” This seems over-the-top: the guy could easily read it and nobody would know, but his clearance level does not authorise him to access the message and so he has to wait until a superior officer comes in. Silly really: the message could be time-dependent, lives could be hanging in the balance, but protocol must be observed at all times.

Baggage
Tom, Ellie and Masie

Tom agonises over the slip of the tongue, the moment when he told Ellie what he really is, where he really works, when the lying and the cover stories and the deceit became too much for him. But now, like Spiderman revealing his secret identity to someone close, he has put the woman he loves, and her daughter, in danger. He has painted a big target on her back and she will carry this forever. She will be a way to get to him, a way to put pressure on him, someone to threaten when an enemy wants him to do or say something. He was nearly responsible for both their deaths, and it's only pure luck that the bomb did not go off. He would have had to watch them both die --- would have died with them, rather than continue on without them --- and he now bitterly regrets having let the mask slip. He can see, as he has known all along, why the work of a spy and his personal life must never mix, and why most of the agents cannot afford to even have a personal life, must keep everyone close to them at a distance, and invent stories and excuses to cover up the incredibly important, but incredibly dangerous work they do in the defence of the realm.

Zoe
Although she knows it's part of the setup to capture the keystrokes from Radovan's computer by giving him the cufflinks, surely some part of Zoe must be flattered at the attention the good-lloking Serb gives her. I mean, she's not ugly or anything --- quite the reverse --- but Radovan is dark-skinned, cultured and kind (at least outwardly) and a perfect gentleman. He does not know this is a ruse and seems to fall fairly hard for the girl, doing his best to help her better her circumstances. Of course, at the end of it all is the hope he will get into Zoe's knickers, but even so, he does help her. And she must wonder, lonely and isolated by her job as she is, what it would be like to fall for a man like this, what it would be like to come home to a man like this? She knows of course that he is involved with one of the worst butchers in Serbia's troubled history, but hey, nobody's perfect!

For his part, Radovan seems genuinely crushed when it slowly starts to dawn upon him that he has been used. He just sits there as the special branch break down his door, unable to believe that the woman he had perhaps been falling for has betrayed him, and in a way, you kind of have to feel sorry for him.

Hard to believe?
It's like those plot holes I featured recently. Sometimes it's hard to understand how certain parts of a story are supposed to be taken seriously. We're meant to believe that a transport moving munitions on behalf of the Ministry of Defence is taken without a single shot fired by the British? Gradic and his men shoot the driver --- who stupidly leaves his vehicle, unarmed --- and then take out the rest of the detail. A jeep AND a truck with soldiers and NOBODY GETS OFF A SHOT?? God save us. Sometimes it's just a little too far off the reservation...

And Danny gets taken out by four little snotnoses? Even if he isn't armed, surely he should be more than able to take care of four little punks with some unarmed combat or something? But he offers no resistance and they kick the shit out of him! Britain's finest?

The mind of a terrorist
Asked about how he feels about the women and children he had bulldozed alive into mass graves in Serbia, Gradic sneers “They were collaborators, and would have killed me when I turned my back. The woman and the child, they are all the same to me. They are my enemy. They are all guilty. They deserve to die.”

Harry's World
Harry: “There's no justice any more, Tom, not the way the world plays it. Nuremberg, truth and reconciliation? There hasn't been a single unified successful prosecution of international law. Do you know how much that single Libyan Lockerbie suspect cost the country?”
Tom: “An enormous amount of money.”
Harry: “An enormous of money. They're sending Gradic to the Hague. The way the tribunal's going, he could die of old age before his case comes up.”

The Shock Factor
Well, sort of the reverse really. As season two opens we find ourselves in exactly the same spot, as if time has frozen until we can again rejoin Tom, and there he is, standing helplessly outside the door of his house with his girlfriend and her daughter trapped inside, a bomb about to go off. When the bomb does explode, it's pretty masterful writing as we're led to believe it's his house that's going up, but in fact unbeknownst to us the scene has changed and we are now looking at the home, or former home, of the Secretary of State for Northern Ireland, who has just been killed by the Irish group.

This sort of cliffhanger ending would disappear in later seasons. Although there would be a cliffhanger, it would be resolved literally in the last seconds of the episode. Maybe it was too much for audiences to wait to find out what had happened, maybe ratings were dipping, I don't know. But you'll see it in future seasons, where at the point you expect they'll freeze the action at the end of a season they just push it on that little bit more so that things are resolved. Disappointing really.

Also worthy of note: this was the first season of Spooks to run for ten episodes, unlike the first which only had six. From this on in, there would be ten episodes per season.

__________________
Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018

Trollheart

2.1 “Fatal extraction”

Alan is appearing as a guest on a late-night political chat show, and spouting his usual ultra-right-wing views (see first quote below), which does not endear him to the Labour leader of Hackney Council, Georgina Pitt. When he manages to convince her to take a lift with him, against her better judgement, he inadvertently discovers oil in Hackney Marshes when his car breaks down. Delighted, he sets about trying to buy the land but is aghast to find that it is owned by the selfsame council of which Pitt is the leader, and so he endeavours to ingratiate himself with her, and them. He spins Georgina a line about building a community centre on the marshes, promising her jobs and votes, but when her flatmates --- who are all members of the council too --- come back he has to disguise himself as a left-wing poet. His cover is of course blown though, and he realises that in order for his plan to work, now that Georgina is going to be disgraced and thrown off the council for fraternising with the enemy, the Torys must win the Borough of Hackney. This, it would appear, involves taking away the vote from the working class.

A trifle for Alan Beresford B’Stard, MP!

He uses the advent of the soon-to-be-introduced Poll Tax as his vehicle, tacking on an amendment to the Bill which will excuse anyone who earns below £20,000 per annum from paying the tax, but which will also exclude them from being able to vote. The Chief Whip warns him that he has instigated a constitutional crisis: if the Queen refuses to endorse the amendment to the bill on the grounds that it is unconstitutional and undemocratic, she will be seen to be challenging government policy, and Thatcher will be forced to declare a republic. Civil war in England, once again! Alan is not impressed: he knows the real power lies with Parliament, as it did in the time of Cromwell.

Georgina visits him, with the rather unsettling news that she has bought the marshes herself. Having been kicked out of the council, she made sure her last act was to lease the marshes to herself and sell the rights to Texaco. Alan is mystified as to how she found out about the oil, but she tells him it was all down to Piers, who provided the information most helpfully. This changes everything: since B’Stard can’t now make money off the deal he retracts his amendment to the bill. He does however have the last laugh, when he susses out that the Chief Whip is gay, and can now blackmail him to his heart’s content!

QUOTES
Alan: “No no no! I did not say I was opposed to abortion! What I am opposed to is the so-called “woman’s right to choose”! It should be the State’s right to choose! Ugly, stupid, poor people should not be allowed to have children!”

Georgina: “First poll tax, the most unjust tax this country has had to suffer since the Peasants’ Revolt of 1381!”
Alan: “How would she know? Her family only arrived on the banana boat in 1951!”
Georgina: “I don’t have to take this racist abuse from this “Home Counties Himmler!”
Alan: “Wait, wait just a second! Are you denying that your family arrived in this county in 1951 on a boat whose main cargo was yellow, crescent-shaped fruit? If that’s not a banana boat, then I wasn’t voted the sexiest member of Parliament 1988!”

Georgina: “Take your hands off me, you dirty bastard!”
Alan: “Ha ha! B’Stard!”

Piers: “I was just using your new photocopier, I hope you don’t mind. I like to keep a record of my correspondence to help any future biographer.”
Alan: “Well I don’t want to disappoint you Piers but A) Enid Blyton is dead and B) this is not a photocopier, it’s a fax machine!”

Piers: “I wouldn’t be surprised if Hackney Marshes belonged to the London Borough of Hackney.”
Alan: “And I wouldn’t be surprised if there was room inside your head for a three-piece suite, Piers!”

Alan (on phone): “Police! Now! Tory MP in distress! Yes, an armoured car will do nicely!”

Georgina: “Be a bitch to get past my comrades though: they all think profit is a dirty word.”
Alan: “I think they’re right: whenever I hear it I get all horny!”

Alan: “He is right to say that the poll tax will reduce the living standards of thousands of ordinary people. Although I prefer to use the word mediocre.”

Alan: “The rallying cry of the American War of Independence was No taxation without representation! I offer a new clarion call: No representation without taxation!”

Chief Whip: “The PM will be forced to declare a republic and replace the queen.”
Alan: “Maggie must be thrilled! It’s the one job she’s always wanted!”

Chief Whip: “I’m talking blood in the streets, B’Stard! Englishmen fighting Englishmen!”
Alan: “So what? It happens every Leeds United game!”

Piers: “I can’t swim Alan!”
Alan: “That’s not really relevant, Piers, as I’ve just attached you to this enormous bust of Gladstone!”
Piers: “But I only told her the truth!”
Alan: “ A fatal mistake for a politician, Piers!”

Alan: “I’m deaf to your entreaties Piers! You cost me 100 million pounds!”
Piers: “But you don’t need it! You’re a millionaire already!”
Alan: “No I don’t need it, but you see I want it Piers, because I’m very very greedy! That is why I became a Conservative!”

B’Stard: “And… and you’re an uphill gardener too?”
Chief Whip: “Yes! Yes!”
B’Stard: “And does Maggie know?”
Chief Whip: “Nobody knows except you Alan!”
B’Stard: “Oh Mr. Whippy! Boy have you made a big mistake! I hate queers almost as much as I hate poor people!”

MACHINATIONS
Alan literally falls on his face into oil, and when he realises how much money he can make he does everything he can to acquire Hackney Marshes, even posing as a left-wing playwright (which he does quite well) until his true nature asserts itself when his beloved Rolls-Royce is attacked. As his schemes go, this is pretty small time and ordinary, but he does top it up by managing to get the second most powerful member of the Conservative Party firmly under his control when the Chief Whip lets it slip that he is a closet homosexual. Not a bad day, all things considered!

SIDEKICK
As ever, Piers is the thorn in Alan’s side. First he accidentally throws away the important fax B’Stard has been waiting for, the report on how much oil is in Hackney Marshes, and then he scuppers Alan’s plans by inadvertently letting Georgina Pitt know about the oil, allowing her to cash in on the fortune he was plannning to make. As a result, Alan tries to kill Piers (won’t be the last time) by pushing him off the ledge outside their shared office while attached to a heavy weight. Alan is deadly serious: Piers is only saved (sort of) by the intervention of the Chief Whip. Alan pushes him off anyway but the bust gets jammed in the windowframe, saving the hapless sidekick, no doubt to Alan’s chagrin.

Season two also begins a series of “punishments” for Piers. Whenever Alan is upset with him there are various ways he will deal with him. Here, he intends to use a drill on his bottom --- though he stops when he realises how much money he can make from the oil deal. These punishments, often for small or stupid infractions, will get more and more inventive as the series progresses.

We also hear in this episode of the second real reference to Piers's at the moment mysterious girfriend, who will make herself known later on. We heard him mention her briefly in season one’s “Sex is wrong”; now we see him sending her what Alan calls “a torrid sex missive” via B’Stard’s fax, which Piers mistakes for a photocopier. He tells Alan (who could not care less) that he wants to preserve any correspondence for future biographers, but B’Stard unkindly reminds him that Enid Blyton is dead!

PCRs
Speaking of same, Enid Blyton was a famous children’s author who created such childhood classics as The Secret Seven and the Famous Five. She also wrote a lot of fairytale/children’s stories.

THE B’STARD BODYCOUNT
Yes, of course it’s only the beginning of the new season and B’Stard has yet to get properly into the business of eliminating his rivals, enemies, anyone who crosses him, but even at that we have more Lethal bodies this week than we’ve had in the whole of season one: not that it will remain like that for long, of course!

Lethal: Three unnamed kids who rather stupidly try to rob Alan’s Roller when he’s playing the role of Alan Berkoff, left-wing playwright at Georgina’s flat. Alan has had the handles of the car electrocuted, and the three would-be car thieves are killed.

Non-Lethal Bodycount: 5
Lethal Bodycount: 4
Total Bodycount: 9

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Trollheart

Season Two: "The coming of Shadows" (Part Six)
2.10 “Gropos”


A contingent of 25,000 Earthforce troops arrives out of nowhere, on their way to a top-secret campaign and therefore Sheridan has no warning before they blow in through the jumpgate, and he has to find billets for them! Leading them is General Richard Franklin, and no, it’s no coincidence: he is the father of the station’s doctor. He tells Sheridan and the command staff that Earthdome has decided to get involved in, or rather, end, the civil war on an alien planet, Aktor. They intend to make a surgical strike on the rebels’ base and wipe them out. As Sheridan spent time on that planet and knows the layout of the base, Franklin details him to help him finalise the battle plans.

In order to maintain the highest level of security right up to the attack, the Gropos --- or GROund POunderS --- infantry --- have not been told what their mission is. Franklin also tells Sheridan and his staff that they come bearing gifts: the very latest in defence armaments, to be fitted to the station. Sheridan is dubious: B5 is meant to be a place of peace but it looks like Earthdome intend arming it to the teeth and he has no choice in the matter. Franklin checks in with his son, but it’s clear that they don’t get on that well. The general never forgave his son for leaving home and going out among the stars, and there’s been bad blood ever since. They try to talk but as is often the case with fathers and sons, words turn into accusations and old enmities surface.

As is often the case too, a brawl breaks out on the concourse when some jarheads decide to hassle Delenn, and one of the other Gropos, a girl called Dodger, breaks it up. There’s a spark then between her and Garibaldi, and they hook up again later. However Garibaldi’s belief that this could be a real relationship is scorned by Dodger, who tells him she just takes her enjoyment when she can because tomorrow she may be dead. She storms out. As he helps Franklin lay his battleplans, Sheridan tells the general that they have been lied to: this will not be a milk run. It will be hard, very hard, to take the fortress and Sheridan advises the general to abandon his plans. But Franklin tells him that the attack is a trade-off: Earth’s help in return for establishing a permanent presence in their sector, which is strategically close to Narn and Centauri territory. He opines that Earth will at some point have to take sides in the war, and they may as well be prepared.

Garibaldi looks for Dodger later and they make up, but she suspects the truth about where they’re going and knows he knows the truth, but he can’t tell her. She surely realises he’s under orders not to reveal the truth, but she must wish that he could confirm, or dispel, her fears. Just then they have other things to think about as another brawl breaks out, but at the height of it the orders come through and the Gropos are all ordered back to their ships to head to the assault point. The attack is a success but at a very high price, though at least Franklin sees that his father survived, unlike just about everyone else we were introduced to in the episode.

QUOTES
General Franklin: “I had an Alfredo Garibaldi under my command during the Dilgar invasion. Excellent soldier!”Garibaldi: “That’s my dad.”Franklin: “So much for genetics!”

Sheridan: “Are you sure that’s wise General? Babylon 5 is supposed to be devoted to peace. If we start arming it heavily…”
Franklin: “The galaxy is changing, Captain, and Babylon 5 must change with it.”

Dodger: “I didn’t come here expecting to set up housekeeping! I’m a Ground Pounder! I’m cleaning latrines one day, the next I’m up to my hips in blood, hoping not to hear the round that takes me out, you got it? In between I like to see what I can get, to remind myself that I’m alive. Okay, it’s not romance, but it’s all I got time for. I’m so sorry it’s not enough for you!”

Dr Franklin: “I’m a doctor. My job is to heal.”
General Franklin: “Then heal humans. Stephen, I know you’re fascinated with these aliens but they’re a threat to humanity, and they always will be. Help your own kind.”
Dr Franklin: “Life is life, whether it’s wrapped in skin or scales or feathers. Now if you respected these beings instead of constantly trying to murder them all the time maybe you’d understand!”

IMPORTANT PLOT ARC POINTS
Ah, kind of none really. This is a pretty much self-contained episode. The only real arc stuff is the first overtures from Earth towards supporting alien governments in return for concessions, something that will kind of fade out and never really develop, so it’s mostly unimportant to the story arc. The only other thing is perhaps a hint of irony, when season three rolls around and we see how those shiny new defence systems get put to use. But that’s for another time.

NOTES
Let’s be honest here, while this may not be season two’s “Infection” or (God help us!) “Grey 17 is missing” --- that’s still to come, may the lord have mercy upon your souls! --- it’s a pretty poor episode and one of the weakest, if not the weakest in season two. It’s doubly annoying that it follows what seems to be an unwritten rule in drama, especially sci-fi, that a really cool, groundbreaking or pivotal episode has to be followed by a really pedestrian one, as if the viewer has had all the excitement he or she can take and needs to regain their breath. Or, as is more likely, the previous episode blew the budget and so it’s back to one-act self-contained dramas with little in the way of effects, which is fine. But why can’t the episode be well written? Does it have to be boring and uninspiring? Remember Star Trek:The Next Generation’s “Family”? Ugh!

Now, this is nowhere near that bad, but even so. After a killer punch like “The coming of shadows” it’s a huge comedown. Okay, so you wouldn’t expect another searing storyline like we’ve just seen, but “Gropos” is basically a ham-fisted attempt to remind us all that war is, you know, hell, as if we hadn’t figured that out already. There are little vignettes within the overall stodgy storytelling and blundering morality lessons --- Franklin’s relationship with his father is well handled if nothing terribly new, and Garibaldi gets some, which is always nice to see with a character who tends often to be sidelined in favour of the main stars. Well, he is a security chief, after all! Much of his job must entail, as Holly once remarked in Red Dwarf, shining his light down corridors, turning it off, shining it again … the life of a chief of security, even on Babylon 5, can’t be filled with adventure and romance. So it’s nice to see him allowed some licence in this episode.

There are, too, foreshadowings of how Earth is intending to deal with alien governments, jumping in bed with the Akdors in exchange for a strategic post in their sector, with one eye on the developing Narn/Minbari war and trying to figure out which way to jump, who they should ally with and how profitable it will be for Earth. So there’s rather a lot packed along the edges of what is basically a fairly dull story, even given the heartstring-tugging at the end. Hey, we didn’t care about those guys: no point in showing them lying dead on some alien world! We had about twenty minutes, tops, to get to know them, and we didn’t. So don’t expect us to shed a tear for your two-dimensional jarheads, JMS!

Mind you, he can’t be blamed for this episode, as he didn’t write it, but then, chances are he had a fairly large hand in it, for as we are learning, and will learn further, about Londo Mollari, the hand of Straczynski stretches very far indeed and casts a long shadow over this series, and you can be sure there’s little in there that didn’t get his seal of approval before it appeared on screen.

Other than Warren Keffer.

You simply don’t go up to a guy of JMS’s talent and try to bully him into including a “sassy, hip flyboy” into the story for no reason than to hopefully boost ratings and bring in the chicks. But this is exactly what the network execs did, and in return they got, briefly, Warren Keffer. He is the only Starfury pilot (other than those who fly them, like Garibaldi, Ivanova and of course Sheridan, as part of their job) we get any real time with, and the way he goes on it’s just as well. He’s cocky, self-assured and cringeworthy; the worst aspects of the fighter pilot who thinks he’s a cut above everyone else. But he doesn’t last, and JMS throws down a clear marker when he has him killed off at the end of this season. JMS is always careful not to involve him in the main storyline, so that when he does meet his end it doesn’t upset the plot. But then, this was all conceived years ago anyway and Keffer was not part of the creator’s original vision, so he’s just a stone thrown in the pond that creates a brief ripple and is gone.

Another thing this episode does serve to illustrate --- apart from the fact that 25,000 squaddies in one place is never a good idea! --- is that old enmities die hard. In the case of the Narn and the Centauri, this shared hatred has reignited the war between the two species, and to some degree this is partially mirrored in the encounter between the jarheads and Delenn. When she complains she has done nothing to them, one of them snarls that he had friends who died on The Line, clearly showing that the recent Earth/Minbari war is still raw and fresh in the minds of many, and that the enforced peace does not necessarily extend to everyone. However, whereas the Narn and the Centauri have rekindled old rivalries, it’s unlikely Earth and Minbar will do the same. These are two races now aligned together --- the Minbari helped finance Babylon 5, remember --- and apart from that, Earth is not prepared for another war so soon, much less against an adversary that essentially had it defeated until their at the time inexplicable surrender.

ABSENT FRIENDS
Most of them really. This is very much a human-driven episode, with only Ambassador Delenn making an appearance, and that in a small almost cameo. No Londo, no G’Kar (though the war between the races is certainly mentioned), no Lennier and of course, no Kosh, as there will be none for quite some time now, right up to about the end part of the season.

SKETCHES
Stephen Franklin
Although this is generally an episode that focusses on Garibaldi, there’s a lot of Franklin in it too. We meet his father, who is a career military officer and it would seem quite xenophobic, telling his son that aliens are a threat to humanity. He has a problem with Stephen treating aliens, believing he should concentrate on helping his own people. He seems to be a hard man, uncompromising and with little time for fatherly love, but at heart of course he loves his son and worries about him, and the doctor reciprocates.

We’ve heard before from Franklin’s own lips about his refusal to allow his research to be used in making weapons, and here his father offers him another such post which the doctor turns down, referencing that earlier decision, which General Franklin no doubt saw as tantamount to treason, refusing to help his own people and disobeying the direct orders of, one would have to assume, a superior officer. For General Franklin the world is black and white, divided up into two sorts of people: those he trusts and those he does not. For his son, the world is equally clearly divided but his worldview is that, as he says, life is life no matter how alien it may be, and he as a doctor has taken a sworn oath to protect and preserve it.

We see why Franklin left home, as he mentioned earlier in the series --- hitch-hiking across the galaxy and offering his services to anyone who would give him a berth to somewhere he had not gone before. But now we see there was more to it that just a young man’s desire to explore,and see strange new worlds. Franklin left because waiting for his father to come back from whatever campaign he was on at the time became too painful, and rather than face that he essentially ran away. It’s said this broke his mother’s heart, though as it’s his father who says this we must take it with a grain of salt and wonder if he is talking about himself. But surely Stephen’s mother was not happy to see him go.

Michael Garibaldi
In our first real look at the security chief, we get a glimpse into his personal life. We already know that he has history with a woman on Mars named Lise Hampton, that he lost her when he agreed to accept Jeffrey Sinclair’s offer to come work with him on Babylon 5, and that he regrets how things worked out. In the episode “A voice in the wilderness” he tried to find out what had happened to her and though relieved to find she had survived the riots, was crushed when he learned she was married, and indeed expecting. Now he falls for Dodger, but is worried that he is moving too fast, which proves to be his undoing when he tells her. She is just looking for a fling, a bit of fun, some human contact, knowing she could be dead tomorrow. As indeed it turns out she is. But he can’t quite understand the idea of a one-night-stand and so loses her.

When he apologises and they intend to pick up where they left off, it’s too late as Dodger, along with every other character introduced here, dies in the assault on the rebel stronghold, and perhaps Garibaldi wishes that for once he had just thought with some other part of him rather than his head. But he was trying to do the right thing. Problem is, he was trying to do it with the wrong woman.

Garibaldi also mentions to her that he is interested in a “lady the kind a guy like me hasn’t got a chance with”: this is of course Talia Winters. He’s been pursuing her now for months, although she for her part has shown him little if any affection and has given him no reason to believe she feels the same. In fact, when she needed to talk to someone it was not Michael she turned to but Susan Ivanova. Considering what will happen near the end of the season, it’s probably as well Garibaldi didn’t push the relationship, as we will see.

(Well, for a pretty poor episode I managed to find a lot to write about it, didn't I?)

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Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018