Trollheart

Oh, but I absolutely draw the line at this!

Never in a million years! Not even if you offered me ... how much? Um, well ... no no! Not even then! Absolutely, categorically not! I have to have some standards!

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Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018

Neapolitan

I really like that show. I didn't care for Deep Space Nine, and I thought Enterprise was a change in the right direction. I thought it had a good cast. I thought it had an interesting premise: it was to explore the back story of the already established (albeit fictitious) history of Start Trek tos and it's many spin-offs. It had so much potential, but I don't know if it fully reached it. The one draw back: it was a little too low key. I forgot most of what I saw. It wasn't memorable like Star Trek TOS, The Prisoner, or Doctor Who.

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JennyOndioline

The Doctor is amazing, and Seven is also great. The best part about the latter seasons is that B&B essentially threw their hands up in the air and said "FINE! You only want Seven/Doctor/Janeway episodes? THEN THAT'S ALL YOU GET!" It's only sort of a shame, because Tuvok is my second favorite Vulcan (behind Spock) and he gets a handful of near-classics in the early going. Neelix is unforgivable though.

I'll admit I have somewhat of a nostalgic fondness for Enterprise, since I was a tween when it was airing and I watched it religiously - but it has a much lower success/fail ratio than even VOY, and the second season in particular is a complete disaster.

Trollheart

2.9 “Croatoan”

Sam has another of his visions, in which he sees Dean advance on a young guy and shoot him, saying “It's in him”. What this means --- whether the guy is supposed to be possessed or not --- Sam doesn't know but on waking he rouses his brother and they head to the location of his dream, Rivergrove in Oregon. On arriving there they ask a man whom had been in Sam's vision, a tough military type called Mark, if he knows of anyone with, as Sam has seen, a scar on his forehead. After some initial suspicion and reluctance Mark says Duane Tanner has a similar scar, and directs them to his house. On a telegraph pole Sam notices the word “Croatoan” carved into it. He's interested: he remembers the story of Roanoke, the earliest colony to settle America. One night they all just vanished without trace or explanation, and that word was carved into a tree. This does not bode well.

They decide to ring the Roadhouse for help but can't get a signal. In fact, there seems to be no phone service at all. Concerned, they continue on towards Tanner's house where they are fobbed off by Duane's brother Jake and his father, but go back and look in the window to see the wife tied to a chair and the son cutting his arm, about to drop the blood on her and telling her it won't hurt. They break in, shoot the father but the son gets away, Sam wasting the chance to cut him down, and he disappears into the woods. The boys rescue the mother, take her to the hospital. There Sam meets more people from his vision, and stays with the doctor while Dean tries to make it to the next town to get help. On the way he runs into another dead body in a car, with a knife nearby, then a roadblock in which Jake is involved.

Back at the hospital the doctor examines the late Mr. Turner's blood and sees that he was fighting off some sort of unknown virus, but there is a weird residue in the blood that the doctor swears is sulphur. Sam nods to himself. Dean gets away from the men in the roadblock, barely, then runs into Mark on his way back into town. Mark tells him that he has had to shoot his neighbour, who came at him with an axe. They head back to the hospital, where Mrs Turner suddenly goes psycho, easily tossing Sam into a glass cabinet and yelling, grabbing a scalpel. Sam manages to knock her out with a fire extinguisher.

Sam tells Dean he has been checking their father's journal, and thinks he knows what is happening. The virus is of demonic origin: the more people who get infected with it the more get turned. It spreads by blood contact, and he thinks, as his father did, that Croatoan is the name of a demon of plague and pestilence. Seeing Mrs Turner is infected, the brothers have no choice and Dean shoots her. Duane turns up, a cut in his leg. He says he was on a fishing trip but saw what was happening and ran. Dean and Sam, the doctor and nurse and Mark all worry that he might be infected, and Dean goes to shoot him, as in Sam's vision, but finds that since they can't be sure Duane is infected he can't do it. As they prepare bombs from the medical supplies, the nurse suddenly turns and attacks Sam, getting him infected too. Dean stares open-mouthed: his brother is now about to turn in a few hours. An even harder decision awaits him than the one he has just taken with Duane.

Defending his brother when Mark wants to shoot him, Dean tells the others to go with the explosives they have made, and take the weapons they have. He will remain behind with Sam. As they argue, Sam trying to get Dean to leave him, Dean refusing, the doctor comes back and tells them that everyone has mysteriously vanished. At a loss, but with Sam's blood --- and now, the samples from everyone else's who was tested --- clear, the boys realise they may have to chalk this one up as a mystery and move on. Meanwhile, down the road Duane asks Mark to stop: he has a call to make. Just like Meg in season one, he slits Mark's throat and reports back that “the experiment was a success. The Winchester boy immune, as we expected.” Then he nods grimly, his eyes turning that shade of black that denote a demon is in occupation:”Nothing left behind.”

On their way out of town, the boys discuss what Dean had been saying earlier, about being tired of the quest, wanting to give it up. He had it seems been prepared to die with Sam, if Sam were possessed. Now Sam asks him what he was talking about, and after some evasion Dean says that before he died, their father made him promise something; he told Dean something about Sam, but we're not told what. At least, not yet.

PCRs

Once again Dean uses the names of some of his rock heroes as covers. When he presents their ID as US Marshalls, he calls himself “Billy Gibbons” and Sam “Frank Beard”. Of ZZ Top, of course.

Dean remarks to Sam “A little too Stepford”. That references the movie “The Stepford Wives”, about a creepy suburb where the women have been replaced by robots.

Mark mentions one of his neighbours is, or was, Mr. Rogers. Dean smiles despite himself. Mr Rogers is the presenter of a well-known and loved children's show in the US. Apparently.

Dean says he feels like Chuck Heston in the Omega Man. That references a seventies sci-fi movie in which Charlton Heston wanders the Earth as the last man alive after an apocalypse.

Unsurprisingly, Dean also references the movie “Night of the living dead”, cult zombie horror movie.

Dean worries that Duane Turner might “Hulk out”, referring to the transformation of Dr Bruce Banner into the green-skinned Incredible Hulk from Marvel comics.

Sidewinder, a town forty miles away, is also in “The Shining”, and is also forty miles away from the hotel in that movie.

Dean also fantasises about getting to bed Lindsay Lohan, famous A-List celebrity, film star and enfant terrible for a while,

WISEGUY
When asked to get out of the car at the roadblock by one of the guys, Dean shakes his head. “You are a handsome devil” he admits, “but I don't swing that way, sorry.” (Whether the devil here is meant to be taken literally I don't know, but knowing Dean, probably.)


BROTHERS
Dean is completely shocked when Sam is infected. He literally doesn't know what to do, so he falls back on his old instincts, instincts honed during years on the road, and protects him. He knows that his brother will turn, that he may in fact have to kill him, but he'll be damned if he'll let someone else do it. Dean mentions here as they wait to see if Sam will turn that he is tired of being on the road, tired of the mission, tired of not being able to just kick back and have some fun. He wants to go to the Grand Canyon, or Hollywood. He wants to try to get laid, preferably with Lindsey Lohan. He seems somewhat broken, and it's pretty obvious that without his brother he will be unable to carry on the quest alone. If Sam dies --- if he has to kill him --- then it's almost certain that Dean will take his own life shortly afterwards.

Dean then reveals that he is carrying an extra burden, as if that of being alive only at the expense of his father's life isn't enough of a weight to have around your neck: he tells Sam that he made a promise to their dad, just before John died, but he can't or won't tell Sam what that was. But as it comes in almost answer to Sam's request that he be allowed to share some of Dean's burden, it would seem likely that John asked Dean to be the strong one, to carry everything and not allow Sam to labour under the same weight. An odd, perhaps cruel thing for a parent to ask of one of their children, but as ever, surely the Winchester patriarch has his reasons?

Dean berates Sam for letting Jake Turner get away, but he knows in his heart that his younger brother would find it hard, maybe impossible to shoot a young boy in the back, even if he is possessed. He can sympathise with this but were it him he believes he would have shot the kid. Nevertheless, when it comes time for him to shoot Duane, he can't do it. Then again, he is able to shoot Mrs Turner, perhaps because there is incontrovertible evidence that she is no longer human. Let's not forget though that someone possessed is still human inside, and if the demon can be exorcised they will or may return to normal, as we've seen a few times now, most notably with Meg. Why didn't they attempt this with Mrs Turner instead of just shooting her?

I suppose an exorcism takes a long time and a lot of effort, and of course you have to tie up the possessed person --- and I think you may need a Devil's Trap too? --- and they could hardly do that with everyone in that situation but still, makes you think. Sam tells Dean that he's far too eager to kill a man who could be innocent when he goes to shoot Duane, and although Dean baulks at the last, Sam accuses him of being “just like one of those creatures.” We've seen this is Dean before: his years on the road, the things he's seen, now coupled with his cheating of death and the loss of their father, all have pushed him towards a much darker place, a place where there is little room for pity, sympathy or doubt. A place where the world becomes black and white, us against them, no grey areas. A world like that inhabited by the hunter from “Bloodlust”. Is Dean becoming like him?

The ARC of the matter
This surely must be an important one. Although generally it plays like Zombies VS Demons or something, the ending is telling. First, we reference back to Meg (or rather, the demon possessing her at the time) making her “phone call” in season one, when she slit the throat of a truck driver, caught his blood in a bowl and used it to contact her demon master/father. This was shocking at the time because it came as so unexpected, and second time around, when Duane does it, it's doubly so. Duane has only been in the episode kind of peripherally, even given the fact that it's the vision of his being about to be shot by Dean that brings the boys to Rivergrove, and he seems to be an innocent who came close to getting shot. In reality, it appears that he is now possessed, so you have to wonder had Dean shot him would Duane have died? Would the demon have left his body, or would it have used its power to keep him alive until it had delivered its message?

That of course raises another possibility, that the vision was planted in Sam's head by the demon, or a demon, in order to draw him here so he could be subjected to the experiment, to see if he was immune to the virus. Either way, it comes as a shocker, especially since the episode seems to be winding down without giving us any answers. It's quite low-key for an episode of “Supernatural”.

But more than that, it shows signs that there is a definite plan here, a plan perhaps to turn ordinary people into demons through viral infection carried by demonic blood. It seems, too, that this may have been what happened to the colony in Roanoake in the sixteenth century, though where those people, and the inhabitants of Rivergrove, have gone now is another mystery. This seems to have been a trial, a test, and yet if they already did this in the 1500s why the need to repeat the experiment? Maybe it didn't work properly the last time. Or maybe, as I've speculated, this time it was carried out for the express purpose of confirming Sam's immunity, though you would also ask why this is important?And where did the word Croatoan come from? Who scratched it into the post? The demon who bears that name? Someone who recognised it for what it was? Or does the word refer to something else, a sign that the experiment is over? Or in play?

Either way, it would seem that this is another sign that the demon, or demons, is or are gathering its or their forces for the big conflict to come. If humans can be infected and possessed this easily, it doesn't bode well for Sam and Dean's attempts to defeat the demon and its allies.

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Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018

Trollheart

2.10 “Hunted”

A man talks to his psychiatrist, his name is Scott. He tells the doctor that he can electrocute things by just touching them. He tells the doctor that “the yellow-eyed man” wants him to do terrible things, but Scott does not want to. The demon tells Scott he has great plans for him, he says. On the way home Scott is murdered by a man with a knife. Sam and Dean talk under the trees at Rivergrove, their conversation picking up where it ended last episode. Dean tells Sam that their father told him to look out for his younger brother, but more: he told him to save him. And if he could not save him, he may have to kill him.

Naturally this comes as a shock to Sam, who asks what is it that Dean is supposed to save him from, but Dean does not know. He only knows that John made him promise that he would do as he was asked. He wants them to lay low until he can figure out what is going on. Why was Sam immune to the demon virus? Did his father think that his son was going to become a demon? Does Dean? Can he, on the evidence, despite how much it hurts him, afford not to? Sam agrees to stay out of sight, but unbeknowst to Dean he leaves the motel and goes to an old house, where he breaks in, trips a trigger and dies in an explosion...

... and Ava wakes up, screaming that she has had another vision. Sam has in fact gone to the Roadhouse, where he asks Ash to see if he can track other people like him, which after some time the computer genius does. There are only four, three of which Sam knows already, and one guy called Scott Carey. Slight problem though: as we know, Scott is dead, murdered a month ago. Sam decides to go anyway and talks to Scott's father, learns his son suffered from terrible headaches and had nightmares, spent most of his time in his bedroom. Checking that out, Sam finds a collage of pictures of yellow eyes. As he approaches a motel he senses he's being followed and turns, grabbing the girl who is shadowing him. She tells him he won't believe her but she's seen him die in her dreams, as she saw Scott Carey die. He of course does believe her, realising she is one of them, but then frowns as she does not fit the profile: her mother did not die in a housefire, in fact she is still alive.

Sam tells her a little about him but she is not interested in learning why she has visions: she has a wedding to plan. He manages to convince her to help him though and steals Scott Carey's files from the psychiatrist's office. They listen to the recording of the session, where Carey describes his abilities. Dean, having been told by Ellen where to find Sam, sees he is all right and does not approach yet. He does watch though, as Gordon makes a reappearance and shoots at Sam and Ava with a sniper rifle from the roof of the building opposite. Dean tackles him and knocks him down, but Gordon rallies and knocks Dean out. Sam and Ava have heard Scott saying that the demon has told him that there is a great war coming, and they are to be the soldiers.

Gordon ties Dean up and gets him to lure Sam into his trap. Word has obviously got around about Sam, and Gordon considers him a legitimate target now. He says he's heard from demons that there's a great war coming, that some humans are going to fight on Hell's side, and that Sam is one of them. He rigs up the door with tripwires to ensure that he gets Sam, while Dean can do nothing but watch in horror. But Sam, warned by Ava, knows what to expect and evades the traps, getting into a pitched fight with Gordon, whom he eventually subdues with a rifle butt to the head. He releases Dean, but Gordon comes after them. Dean glares; he wanted to finish him off. But Sam has insurance: he has called the cops, who arrive just as Gordon is firing at them like a madman. He's quickly arrested and taken away.

Dean calls Ellen at the Roadhouse, accusing her of selling Sam out but she swears it was not her or any of her people. Plenty of hunters, she points out, pass through and use the Roadhouse and it could have been any of them. Ellen and her crew do not give up their friends. Dean is again tired, all for ditching the quest but Sam convinces him to continue. He can see his heart is not in it though. He rings Ava, gets no answer, gets worried. A short trip to Peoria, Illinois and they find Ava's house, where her fiance is dead, soaked in blood, and there is sulphur residue on the windowsill. Ava is nowhere to be found.

MUSIC
Jefferson Airplane: “White rabbit”

Carey Bell: “Lonesome stranger”

Muse: “Supermassive black hole”

Tim P and Stephen R Philips: “Swamp thing”
No YouTube video available

PCRs
Sam asks Dean does he think he's going to go Darkside? (The Dark Side is the evil part of the Force in “Star Wars”; going Darkside is now a generally accepted term for choosing the path of evil)

Sam says “I watch a lot of TJ Hooker”. (A cop show starring the one and only William Shatner, gut suitably corsetted in!)

Dean uses the phrase “funky town”, which is a codeword for the guys when one of them is in trouble. (“Funkytown” was a disco hit in 1980 for Lipps Inc.)

BROTHERS
If anything ever tested the resolve of the two siblings, this is certainly up among the hardest of them to date. Sam is being hunted by Gordon, the psycho hunter from “Bloodlust”, and tries to convince Dean that his brother has to be put down for the greater good. He tells Dean that Sam will, at some point, become evil, and he must be dealt with now. Surely now the voice of his dead father is echoing in Dean's ears: save Sam, or if you can't save him, kill him. Did his father know what might possibly be waiting for his younger son? Was he entrusting Dean with the task of making sure the demon did not get his hands on Sam? Did he believe death was better than letting his boy be used by Hell's forces against his own kind?

Last episode, Dean protected Sam and was ready --- maybe --- to kill him if necessary, taking his own life we must assume shortly after. This time he has to protect him again, from someone he can't stop. He's tied up and can only watch and wait in terror as Sam's footsteps get closer, closer to the trap Gordon has set. When he sees his brother has survived, words can't describe Dean's relief, but he's tired of the chase, as he said in the previous episode, and he really seems to want to give up now. In a staggering reversal of roles, Dean, the experienced hunter who dragged his college-boy brother along, has become the one who no longer wants to hunt, who has become tired of and probably terrified by and sickened at the things he has seen, whereas Sam, who initially wanted nothing to do with the quest, is now the one trying to persuade Dean to stay the course with him.

Of course, Sam has technically more invested in this now than he had at the start. Originally, this was more a quest for vengeance, for his mother and for his fiancee, and later for his father, but now it has become much more. Now it is a voyage of discovery, dark and scary, but Sam needs to know what his role is to be, why he is having the visions and why others like him are doing likewise. Does the demon have plans for him, and can he resist them? Is he doomed to turn on his brother, on his race, and fight against them? Is there a way out? The only answer to that lies in continuing the mission, trying to find out all he can and making as many allies along the way as he can. For Sam, it's recently become very personal indeed, and although always a matter of survival, now it's the survival of his very soul that is at stake.

The ARC of the matter
Another human has been revealed who gets the same visions as Sam, but her life does not fit the pattern, which throws something of a spanner in the works. Although at the end it does appear that she's been taken by the demon, or a demon. There's more dire warnings of the great dark war to come, and the idea that humans, some humans, will fight in this war on the side of the demons, which seems hard to believe.

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Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018

Trollheart

2.11 “Playthings”

Sam and Dean are trying to find out, without any success, what happened to Ava, but in the meantime get a gig to check out a hotel in Connecticut where some odd deaths have occurred. Arriving there they find the owner, Susan, is preparing to close the place at the end of the month and take her two daughters with her. It hasn't worked out sadly and the business is not there, so it's time to move on. The brothers notice that there is a tangible link between the two deaths: one was a lady handling the sale of the hotel while the other was a removal guy taking some unwanted stuff away, including some of the daughters' toys. So both, they reason, were involved in shutting the place down, and perhaps something living here does not want that to happen. They've noticed a “hoodoo jar” on the porch then they came in, powerful magic. But Susan says she doesn't even know where it came from, seems like it's been there forever. They discover more urns around the hotel though, and then a large collection of dolls as well as a scale replica of the hotel itself.

As if this isn't enough, they then learn there is an old woman --- Susan's mother, Grandma Rose --- living upstairs. She is reportedly frail and sick, and not taking visitors, so the boys will have to find another way of getting to see her. Sounds about right, huh? Creepy dolls, odd accidents, miniature hotel and strange old woman in the attic? Plus powerful hoodoo magic? To add to all this, a lawyer sent to finalise the sale and who confirms that rather than renovating the hotel as Susan thought they are actually going to demolish it, is found hanged in his room. Sam gets emotional and wonders if he will change into something evil (he is also very drunk) and gets Dean to promise to kill him if the time comes. After a lot of reluctance and avoidance Dean promises.

Dean talks to Sherwin, the old retainer, who tells him that the hotel was Rose's home, had been in the family for over a century. He shows him a photograph of Rose with her nanny, a Creole woman who wears a necklace with a quincunx design, the same as on the urns, a sigil of hoodoo magic. The boys decide that it's time to visit old Grandma Rose. They find instead of an old wiitch woman working spells as they had expected, a frail old lady who appears to have suffered a stroke and can't move or talk. Just then Susan enters and in a fury at their trespassing --- and surely now worry about who they really are --- throws them out of the hotel altogether.

As they prepare to leave we learn that Susan only has one daughter, Tyler, that the other, Maggie, is imaginary, so far as she knows. But we can see both girls and they look real. The one called Maggie seems quite petulant and just a little evil perhaps. It seems obvious that she has been the one causing the fatal accidents around here. Susan only narrowly avoids being run over by her own car when Sam rescues her, and they tell her what they suspect: that her mother, Rose, was working hoodoo to protect the hotel from an evil spirit, but then she had a stoke a month ago and could no longer work her magic, whereafter the spirit has had free rein in the place. Sam and Dean advise her to get her mother and her two daughters out of the hotel, and are surprised but then understand when Susan tells them in confusion that she has only one daughter: Maggie is imaginary. But the brothers saw two little girls. So now they know that Maggie is the malevolent spirit.

When they get back to the hotel Tyler is nowhere to be found. Dean asks a frantic Susan if her imaginary friend Maggie could be someone who lived in the hotel, maybe died there? Susan recalls her mother had a friend called Margaret, who drowned in the pool. They race there, to find Tyler drowning in the pool. Sam rescues her and later they find Rose dead in her wheelchair in the attic. We see later her (young again) and Maggie skipping and playing; she has given up her life in order to protect her daughter and granddaughter, and to provide the spirit of her friend a reason to let them go.

MUSIC
Michael Burkes: “Voodoo spell”


PCRs
There are so many references and allusions to “The Shining” that I'm not even going to bother. If you saw the movie you'll more than likely recognise them.

Dean says he will talk to “Boomin' Granny”. This is the title of a Beastie Boys track.

He also recommends as a hangover cure, “a big greasy pork sandwich served up in a dirty ashtray.” This is in reference to the movie “Weird science”, which features the same line.

Dean talks about meeting Fred and Daphne, from of course the cartoon Scooby Doo. Interesting in a way: the Scooby Gang travelled America solving spooky mysteries, which is almost what Sam and Dean do, though in an Impala rather than a van. Also, Buffy and her friends call themselves “The Scooby Gang” in that series, referencing the more-or-less same vocation. Yeah I know: I need to get out more. Or at all.

Dean's alias on his credit card, Jack Mahogoff, is apparently a crude reference to masturbation. Hmm.


The WTF??! Moment
Surely comes when we realise that although we can see two girls, Susan only has one daughter, and that the other, whom Tyler takes to be her imaginary friend, is in fact the spirit causing all the trouble.

I guess granny turning out to be the protector of the house, rather than working evil magic, is a candidate for this slot too.

BROTHERS
Something very important happens here. Sam, drunk admittedly but still aware of what he's saying, thinking back on what he has learned and what their father made Dean promise, asks his brother to honour that vow. If Dean sees Sam turn evil, start to change, become a pawn of the demon, he wants him to kill him. Dean avoids the question as long as he can, but eventually Sam becomes so intense that he has to agree. Curiously, we don't see him cross his fingers behind his back, which is something you would expect of the older Winchester, and he does not later make that his excuse when Sam asks again at the end of the episode.

Even amid all the death and horror it's nice to see that Dean and Sam can still rib each other good-naturedly. When they're (again) taken for a gay couple –- what? Have none of these people ever heard of brothers?? Gay is the first thing that comes to their minds? --- Sam tells Dean he is “kinda butch. Probably think you're overcompensating.” Dean wants to know why Susan thinks they “look the type”, though whether that's the type who go antiquing together or the type who are gay is not made clear: either way, Susan avoids the question.

Sam is obviously thinking hard about his destiny now. Having been hunted by Gordon, seen and heard other examples of “chosen ones” and now with Ava having disappeared, to say nothing of Dean's attempt to make a deal with the demon, his mind must be in a real muddle. Surely he contemplates killing himself, to spare his brother, and anyone who he might harm, seeing him change? He seems to have come more over to the idea that he is doomed to turn evil, whereas before he fought against it. In his heart of heart, Dean probably thinks the same. What will happen when both have to face the inevitable possibility?

The ARC of the matter
Nothing terribly important to the arc here really: self-contained story, mostly a sort of half-homage to “The Shining”, but Sam's doubts about himself and Dean's fears for his brother can only grow in the coming episodes and seasons. What will the outcome be? Would Sam really go up against his brother, fighting for the demons of Hell? And if it came to it, would Dean be able to honour his promise and kill Sam?

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Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018

Trollheart

Okay, well it’s now February. I had intended to have this all tied up and over and done with by January, but what with Star Trek Month and other things, I’ve let it slip. So there’s now no longer any hint of Christmas feeling, all the presents have been returned for the things we really wanted, the bottles are empty or put away for next year, perhaps to be used as gifts for other people, and the credit card bills have landed on the doormat. It’s a new year, and Christmas is a distant memory as the shops already try to sell us Easter Eggs. So let’s wrap this up before it gets embarrassing. What do you mean, that ship has sailed?


So we’re left with two finalists, as both “The Muppet Christmas Carol” and Kelsey Grammer’s “Christmas Carol: The Musical” fought off all comers to land a place in the top two, and now we have to decide who will become the ultimate version of the story committed to the screen? As we have done up to now, we’ll begin with characterisation.

Scrooge
Muppets: Well, as fine an actor as Michael Caine is, and well enough though he plays the part I feel he was always, as any live actor will be, going to have to play second fiddle to the Muppets themselves. So while he gives us a great performance it’s often that our attention is elsewhere, as Kermit or Fozzy or even Gonzo divert it, and the whole idea of Scrooge being the central character is a little subverted here.

Grammer: On the other hand, Grammer’s performance, on a par certainly with Caine’s, has him in centre shot every scene almost, and if we’re not appreciating his acting we’re delighted by his singing. He drives the movie, as Scrooge should, and our attention is hardly ever taken away from him.

So on this evidence, Grammer gets this easily. 1-0 to Kelsey Grammer’s 2004 version

Marley
Muppets: Much as I like Stadtler and Waldorf, and their song is funny, I just can’t get my head around the blatant changing of the storyline to allow for two Marleys. It’s a step too far.

Grammer: And although I don't like Seinfeld, I must admit Jason Alexander plays his part really well, good effects and the danse macabre fits in perfectly with the song. A little overlong perhaps, but streets ahead of the two Marleys.

So again, it’s 2-0 to Grammer here.

Cratchit
Muppets: It’s Kermit, so how can you vote against him?

Grammer: Really, nothing special at all. Muppets take this round without even breaking a sweat (do Muppets sweat?)

2-1 to Grammer now

Tiny Tim
Muppets: It's Kermit’s nephew, Robin. he’s so cute!

Grammer: Again, nothing to write home about and annoying in a way Robin is not.

So another victory for the Muppets, levelling the score now at 2-2

Others
Muppets: We have Gonzo as Charles Dickens, who though I don’t like Gonzo I have to say plays the part really well and moves the story along. It’s also a clever device that removes any need for a narrative voiceover. Then there’s the inspired pairing of Beaker and Doctor Bunsen Burner. Hard to beat all that.

Grammer: The only other real character here is the girl whose father is in debt to Scrooge and whose house is about to be repossessed. She’s good, but doesn’t add enough to the story to beat the Muppets, who take this round, edging into the lead.

3-2 to the Muppets!

And now for the Ghosts.
Ghost of Christmas Past
Muppets: Nothing special. The voice was an annoying squeak and the idea he or she might have been an angel was a little confusing.

Grammer: Well I’m still having wet dreams about her, so she wins by a pair of very shapely legs!

Ghost of Christmas Present
Muppets: Friendly guy, big Muppet and quite serviceable if nothing terribly special.

Grammer: I’m afraid I didn’t like him, and his stage production just bugged the tits off me. So the Muppets win this one.

Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come
Muppets: Always hard to rate this guy. Dickens wrote him as little other than a silent cloaked figure, so without interfering too much with the original there’s not a lot you can do. Their version was ok I guess.

Grammer: Interesting idea to have the Ghost in white instead of what has been remarkably the pattern, black. Also the idea that it’s female, and based on someone Scrooge has met, is clever. All of which swings this well into Grammer’s corner.

So the score is now 4-4, would you believe!

Okay then, they’re our characters. Time to move on to the other factors.

True to the novel?
Muppets: Very much so, with hardly any deviation, even given the little comedic asides with Gonzo and Rizzo.

Grammer: Adds in quite a lot to the original story, but as I said earlier rather than detracting from the story they actually make it more kind of fleshed out, and I think Dickens would have approved. Hard one this.

The Muppets satisfy the criterion of sticking to the story, but so many other versions have done so, that I think Grammer’s version was brave and visionary in adding on as it did, therefore I’m awarding this round to him.

5-4 to Grammer.

On the rest of the categories --- Emotion, Horror and Puke level --- everything is pretty much as you were, so that leaves us with
Soundtrack
Muppets: Some good songs, fairly twee but you’d expect that.
Grammer: A triumphant full score with some amazing songs, and really keeps the music going even for dialogue. Well, it is a musical from a stage play! The juxtapositioning of songs like “It is nothing to do with me” at the start to “It’s all to do with me” after his conversion, in a sort of 1970s Finney way is well executed, and I really have to give this to Grammer, making the score

6-4 to him.

So is that it? Or is there anything else we can look at? There’s no point in looking at stars, as both have a bona fide screen icon playing the main role, and though the Muppet Christmas Carol has no other stars per se, the Muppets are all stars themselves, so their presence kind of cancels out the host of other stars in Grammer’s version, leading to a draw there. There’s overall enjoyment I guess, but then I thoroughly enjoyed each, so that would be a draw too. I guess you could say the Muppet version is an original screenplay, whereas Grammer’s is based on a stage play, but then, he was in that too, so that still makes it pretty original in my book.

I honestly don’t see any other factors to be taken into consideration, and so I declare the winner of the Scrooge Showdown, the alltime best ever movie version of “A Christmas Carol” to be

Thank you all for sticking with me, and may God bless us, every one! Or something.

__________________
Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018

Trollheart

Okay well it was back at the end of November that I signposted this, so perhaps it’s time to get it off the ground. As I mentioned, I’ll be looking at each episode in the light of what’s good and bad about it, and how it compares to its sister show. As Family Guy was first on the air, it’s only fair I guess to begin with the first episode of season one of that show.

Urban loves my scoring system, so this is another that will probably drive him around the twist. Each episode will be broken up into certain sections, most notably “Good, Bad and Stupid”, but there are others. Each of these points will be given a score (“Bad” ones will get negative scores, the worse they are the higher the score) and at the end these will be totalled, compared to the other show and we’ll see who wins each time. Clear? Tough. Here we go.

FG0101: “Death has a shadow”

Basic plot: Peter Griffin loses his job and applies for welfare, but due to a cock-up his cheque for $150 is actually issued for $150,000. Peter spends his money lavishly until the error is discovered and he is prosecuted for welfare fraud.

Title thoughts
This is where I will examine if the title gives any clue as to what the episode is about, or has anything to do with it, which it frequently does not. I will then proceed to bitch and moan as I always do, and award a positive or negative score. At the end we will see what the overall consensus is on how the titles relate to the episodes.

“Death has a shadow”? Considering Death is introduced later in the show (and well done too I have to admit) I have no idea why this episode is titled as it is. The only possible connection is from the phrase “The only things we can be sure of are death and taxes”, but even that is a little loose as tax is not mentioned, just welfare fraud.
Score: -8

The Good, the Bad and the Stupid

The Good

The title sequence is one of the show’s strengths. It’s well written, energetic, features all the family (though no other characters) and has a great little tune backing it up. A real Broadway musical style, it kicks off each episode in fine form. What happens after the sequence ends is however often another matter.
Score: 10
(Note: as the title sequence does not change over the run of the series, this is the only time it will be awarded a score. Exception will be made when, as happens once or twice, they change the title sequence to add or take something away from it. I’ll mention this when it happens.)

The Hitler joke: class! A skinny Hitler is working out in a gym, and his efforts are laughed at and mocked by a big, muscular Jew, who has two sexy women hanging on to him. The lust for revenge in Hitler’s eyes … priceless!
Score: 10

The first words of Stewie, as he works on his mind-control device: “Damn you woman! You’ve impeded my work since the day I crawled out of your wretched womb!” Stewie would always be one of the shining stars of Family Guy, and rarely will I have anything bad to say about him.
Score: 10

The joke about the fathers all having a brain implant that tells them when their kids are messing with the thermostat in the house is mildly funny.
Score: 3

The clip with the devil on Peter’s shoulder is brilliant! The devil advises him to lie to Lois --- “Women aren’t people like us!” --- and Peter then looks to his other shoulder, nobody there. "Hey", he asks, "where's the other guy?" Next we see the angel stuck in traffic. “Come on !” he growls. “I’m late for work!”
Score: 10

Stewie’s inventive attempts to kill Lois always make me smile.
Score: 8

The followup clip to the angel/devil one is even better. The angel finally arrives, and looks to his own shoulders for advice, seeing only the devil there. “Hey”, he asks, “where’s the other guy?” And we see him caught in traffic. Yes it’s the same joke recycled but somehow it works, and works even better because of the repetition.
Score: 10

The moat/Black Knight sketch is decent too.
Score: 6

Peter and Brian in jail (why is Brian in jail?) with the couldn’t-hold-onto-the-soap gag is good.
Score: 5

Stewie’s “Life is like a box of chocolates/ But yours is more like a box of active grenades!” is worthy of its own score.
Score: 10

The first appearance of the Kool-Aid guy is funny, and surprisingly, though they overuse it throughout the series, it kind of never gets old.
Score: 10

The Bad
After promising his wife not to drink at the party, Peter drinks.He doesn’t offer an excuse or try to find a way around it, he just does it, as he will do whatever he wants every episode from now on. When he thinks about it and says he feels bad, having promised Lois that he wouldn’t drink, and Quagmire says not to feel bad, he just says “I never thought of it like that!” and goes on drinking. Huh? What a flimsy excuse to allow him to break his promise with absolutely no effort at all. And hardly funny.
Score: -10

After having Lois admit that, really, nothing bad happened, he grins “Apology accepted!” Give me strength!
Score: -10

Struggling to try to tell Lois about losing his job, Peter instead tells her that she is getting fat. Talk about the pot calling, you know …
Score: -8

Cutaways
Ah, the mainstay of the series, and later to become its bane as Seth relied more and more on increasingly unlikely and stupid recollections from the Griffin family, best parodied by South Park with the “Mohammed sketch”!

There are seven in this episode already.

1.
The first one is okay: Peter ribs the priest at mass about the potency of the wine, and says if this is Christ’s blood then the guy must be loaded 24/7. The second one, not so much. Peter takes one lick of a butter rum ice cream and falls over. Then there’s a third one --- yeah, three in a row! --- where he apparently has had an Irish coffee and then goes to see “Philadelphia”, and thinks it’s funny. Not sure what they’re saying there. It’s not like he’s drunk, just doesn’t seem to understand that the movie, despite starring Tom Hanks, is not a comedy. Drinking an Irish coffee would not do that to you.

Also, Seth gives us the clear impression here that Peter can’t hold his drink, but after this episode he’s pretty much a hopeless drunk, and much much later drinks his own father under the table in a pub in Ireland, so what were they getting at? Peter’s a drunk, plain and simple. I don’t feel these work on the basis of the idea they’re trying to get across.

Score of +5 for the first one, -5 for the second and -5 for the third, making a
total of -5

2.
This is a montage of the jobs Peter applies for. The first is doing some commercial where he can’t get the line right. 3 for that. Then there’s the one where he’s a sneeze guard (complete with uniform and gun), 8 for that, and finally something about the Von Trapp singers. Don’t get it. So -7 for that.
Total: 4

3.
Peter joins the student facing the Chinese tank in Tianamen Square. It’s funny in a way yes but also tasteless in the extreme.
Score: 3

4.
Peter not having gas till he was thirty. Poor.
Score: 1

5.
Clinton drunk and making a pathetic zinger to a journalist. Terrible.
Score: -3

6.
Something about “Diff’rent Stokes” -- don’t get it.
Score: -7

7.
And just to put the lid on it, Joannie and Chachi are attacked by a bear that comes through the wall. Sigh.
Score: -6

Overall, did the story work or make sense? Did it succeed or fail, and why?
Main plot
Generally speaking, I guess it did. The basic idea was to teach people you can’t just live on welfare when you’re not entitled to it and that if the bank makes a mistake you can’t spend money that isn’t yours. The ending was wrapped up quite nicely, with not, as expected, an acquittal but a sentencing, then Stewie changing the judge’s mind with his mind control device. Seth even gave a reason for this: though Stewie loathes both his parents he realises he is dependent upon them.

So yeah, overall decent enough and I’d give it a score of 7.
Main: 7
Subplot
Wasn’t really strong enough to stand on its own, as others would be, but entertaining and it did segue nicely into the main plot, so overall quite successful.
Sub: 6
Total: 13

The Annoyance Factor
How much did Peter get under my skin, in this the first episode? The more he annoys me, the higher and more negative the score goes. So in an episode where he did not annoy me at all (rare) he would get a score of 1. If he actually managed to impress me (even rarer) by being other than his usual self, that score could climb. If he annoyed me so much I wanted to kill him then it would be -10. And everything in between. Expect to see more minuses than pluses though.

I’d say here he does things that annoy me but not so much that I wanted to hurl things at the TV, so let’s say a relatively mid-range score.
Score: -5

Character usage
Self-explanatory. Of the main and supporting cast, who was used and were they used well?
Main
Peter: 10
Lois: 10
Stewie: 10*
Meg: 8 (what will become an unusually high score, given her almost being ignored in most episodes)
Chris: 2
Brian: 4
Total: 44

Supporting
Mr. Peabody: 6
Judge: 4
Kool-Aid Guy: 3
Quagmire: 1
Diane and Tom: 1
Total: 15

Grand Total: 59 (of a possible 110)

* (Later, I’ll also be scoring Stewie and Brian together; how do they work together and are they used to their fullest potential? Do they save the episode, is it driven by them and how would it look without them?)

Crazy Factor
This will link back to the main storyline. How off-the-wall is or are the ideas proposed in the episode? Is it likely (within the context of the show) or is it a real flight of fancy? Does it work or does it fall flat on its face?

Here, I’d say the idea is basic enough and works well enough. I’d give it a high enough rating.
Score: 7

Guest Factor
When a guest star is used, I’ll be asking were they used well, did they contribute to the episode or were they just there for the sake of being there?
None here, so score is zero.

Episode Grand Total: 122

And so on to American Dad.

AD0101: “Pilot”

Basic plot: Stan Smith, CIA agent, arranges to rig the election of his son Steve to the Class Presidency, but Steve goes mad with power and Stan has to talk him down. Roger, the alien, is put on a diet, but finds ways around his restrictions.

Title thoughts
It’s not titled, just “Pilot”. No score.

The Good, the Bad and the Stupid

The Good

The title sequence is decent, but would improve in the second season. There’s nothing terribly funny about it, though it does attempt to introduce the family and, to be fair, does a good job of pointing out where they stand in a matter of seconds: Steve, Stan’s teenage son, salutes, so he’s obviously proud of his dad. Hayley, the older daughter, rolls her eyes as he hugs her and slaps a peace symbol on his back. She’s obviously opposed to his work. Francine, his wife, removes the symbol as she hugs him, and Klaus, the, uh, fish in the bowl, tosses Stan his keys as he heads out the door. Roger doesn’t do anything but hey, he’s a grey alien. There is a shot at comedy in the newspaper Stan picks up every morning, and here it says “Democrat Party missing, feared dead.” Yeah, a bit on the nose, Seth. But overall not bad. Much better in season two though.
Score: 6

Roger’s first action is to blow off Stan’s suggestion that he try to contact his mothership so he can get back to his home planet. It’s obvious he’s taking to life on Earth, and is now addicted to television, having to spend all his time indoors. He also berates Francine for not having picked up some delicacy he asked her to at the supermarket. We can see already he is a selfish little bastard who cares about no-one but himself, but in the same way we love Bender for being the self-absorbed creature he is, we will come to love Roger for the way he is.
Score: 10

Klaus’s unhealthy obsession with Francine is mildly amusing.
Score: 4

Stan turning, hyped up, as the toast pops out of the toaster and slamming multiple bullets into it is great. Hayley: “Dad, it’s only toast!” Stan: “This time it was only toast, Hayley. This time…”
Score: 8

Roger having to go on a diet, with the rejoinder “We can’t all be like those anorexic aliens you see in the James Cameron movies!” is great.
Score: 8

Bush having a telephone conversation with God, where the Big Guy asks the president to “downplay our relationship in public” is also funny. Then he takes a call from Cheney and says “Yes Sir!”
Score: 6

Roger again. “Stan you killed your dog! And don’t ask me to bring him back with that ET finger thing, cos that’s a giant load of crap!”
Score: 8

Steve misinterpreting what Toshi says, usually the total opposite, as we can see from the Japanese translation onscreen. This happens frequently though, so in future I won't be counting it, unless it's very funny.
Score: 4

The chase scene, where Stan, supposed to be helping Steve win a girl’s heart by snatching her handbag and allowing Steve to catch and overpower him, loses himself somewhat in the moment.
Score: 8

“Spinning headlines back in vogue!”
Score: 5

Roger butting in on Steve’s reminiscences of his dad telling him women love power, to ask Stan to pick something up for him in the chemist.
Score: 5

Principal Lewis: “You can read! The system works!”
Score: 4

Stan: “Steve, I can promise you this, and this comes from years of experience: women are never right!”
Score: 8

The wire-tap on Nick from the INS’s wife. “Hey, better with your brother than some stranger, right?”
Score: 5

The Bad
The idea of bringing a stray dog, a fleabitten mutt, to Steve as his new pet is both offensive and not at all funny. It doesn’t work on any level, except to show how divorced Stan is from reality if he thinks this is what his son wants.
Score: -10

Roger’s attempts to write Hayley’s papers just falls pretty flat, and leads nowhere except to another bad taste joke with the corpse, this time, of the dog. And a pretty poor ending where in exchange for treats he will set Steve up with women.
Score: -10

The Stupid

Steve outlawing kissing in public, just ridiculous.
Score: -10

Francine’s confession of her affair with a teacher, over the bullhorn, not anywhere near as funny as it was supposed to be.
Score: -7

Stan having Lisa’s family deported. On what grounds? They seem all-American.
Score: -10

Cutaways
They don’t, thankfully, rely on them in this series as much as in Family Guy, but they’re still here. You wouldn’t really expect less from MacFarlane, now would you?

1.
An apartment in Iraq furnished by IKEA via the CIA. The joke, when the Iraqi man looks at his wife, of whom only her eyes are showing, and snorts “Oh for Allah’s sake! Put some clothes on!” and she covers her eyes, is pretty good.
Score: 8

Overall, did the story work or make sense? Did it succeed or fail, and why?
Main plot
Generally I guess it did. Could to a degree have been the plot of any high-school drama or comedy, without some obvious touches applied here.
Main: 5
Subplot
Virtually non-existent, and very poor for a character who will later make sure the subplot usually far outperforms the main one.
Sub: 3
Total: 8

The Annoyance Factor
Not too bad.
Score: -4

Character Usage
Main
Stan: 10
Francine: 7
Steve: 10
Hayley: 8
Roger: 10
Klaus: 3
Total: 48

Supporting
Principal Lewis: 2
Snot: 2
Toshi: 2
Barry: 2
Jeff: 2
Total: 10
Grand total: 58 (Of a possible 110)

Crazy Factor
Not too zany.
Score: 4

Guest Factor
Carmen Electra voices Lisa, so as a character she’s well used. However I’m pretty sure they mention Hilary Duff, but I don’t see her name in the cast list. If she is there, she does nothing more than scream as she runs off. Leaving her aside, I’d give this a decent score for Electra’s performance and usage.
Score: 7

Episode Grand Total: 123

So the pilot episodes of each programme score almost exactly the same. Interesting. On we go then, to episode two of each.

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Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018

Trollheart

FG0102: “I never met the dead man”

Basic plot: When Peter accidentally knocks out the main television transmitter for Quahog, he finds that he has to find other ways to amuse himself, and soon goes off the idea of TV completely. He later meets William Shatner and they become friends. He blames Meg for hitting the transmitter, making her a pariah but later admits it was him, as he goes back to his first love, TV.

Title thoughts
I’ve struggled with this (and the repetition of death in two concurrent episodes) but I think it may refer to the killing of William Shatner near the end. If so, it’s still pretty tenuous, as Peter does meet Shatner, and spends a lot of time with him. Maybe he’s trying to distance himself from blame for the accident.
Score: -7

The Good, The Bad and the Stupid

The Good
Stewie’s phone call: “Put me through to the Pentagon! Don’t toy with me! I’ve already despatched Bert and have eight armed men stationed outside Big Bird’s nest!”
Score: 8

Stewie’s mission to destroy broccoli!
Score: 10

The race with the Amish guy at the lights, particularly the horse exploding.
Score: 8

Peter’s cack-handed advice to Meg about driving: “Ah, you forgot to flip him off, but otherwise good job!”
Score: 7

The CHiPs skit, where Ponch is seducing a woman driver while, behind his back, a truck rolls by with the words PURE, UNCUT COCAINE on its side and then two guys shoot at each other out of cars.
Score: 9

Tom Tucker and Diane Simmons bantering without realising that they are still on the air in Boston! “Well Tom, I just plain don’t like black people!”
Score: 6

The “Wonder Years” clip is … okay.
Score: 3

The “Scooby Doo” one is just as … okay.
Score: 3

The “Batdog” signal in the sky, necessitating Brian’s rapid departure from the picnic.
Score: 7

Diane’s spanking on the air!
Score: 10

Peter, on the way to the Bavarian Folk Festival: “You know those Germans! If you don’t join their party they come and get ya!”
Score: 10

The Hitleresque proprietor of “German bratwurst” moving over to the kiosk selling “Polish sausage”, knocking him out and scratching out “Polish” to replace it with “German”. And then casting avaricious glances at the next kiosk, “Czech wieners”...
Score: 10

Shatner’s death scene: “Beam me up God!” and the corset giving way.
Score: 8

The Bad
The whole idea of Peter blaming Meg for the accident which knocks out the transmitter is pretty much lifted from the Simpsons episode where Marge went to jail when Homer switched seats with her after he crashed the car. Poor.
Score: -10

Another rip-off from “The Simpsons”. Everyone decides they are better off without TV, just as the kids had to do without it when Krusty was Kancelled…
Score: -10

The Stupid
Peter expects people to believe Meg, a young girl, had her arm shot off (she still has both arms) in Vietnam, decades before she was even born! And the people believe him! Christ!
Score: -10 (million if I could, but ten will have to suffice)

Peter making his own TV channel? Moronic.
Score: -10

Why does Lois have to explain to Peter that “the lamp gives us light”? Is he really supposed to be that thick?
Score: -5

I just knew that would happen!
Where I record events that you could predict would occur in the episode. The higher the predictability, the higher the minus score.

As Meg, then Chris shoot a hoop, it’s pretty obvious as Peter takes his turn that his lack of physical fitness and weight is going to send him crashing through the garage door. And it does.
Score: -10

Cutaways
1.
Peter’s “trip to the south”, where he runs over Roadrunner and Wile E. Coyote in the car with him tells him to just keep driving.
Score: 10

2.
Peter is expecting a boy and is told “It’s a girl!” Bah. This comes on the heels of his “I’ve had my share of disappointments too….”
Score: 2

3
Peter tries to sneak into an R-rated movie disguised as a bush? Unless I’m missing something here…
Score: -4

4.
Peter bursts into Meg’s classroom (in a towel) and berates her for leaving leg hair in the shower.
Score: -5

5.
His “Willy Wonka” one does not work. Not funny at all.
Score: -5

Overall, did the main story work or make sense? Did it succeed or fail, and why?
Main plot
There were a lot of things in the story that didn’t work, and the resolution was too pat. Peter just suddenly goes back to liking TV after he sees one ad? But then, given that he was addicted to it in the first place, maybe not so strange. Shatner’s role is unclear, though it does tie in with the Star Trek programme Peter has been watching prior to taking out the transmitter, and Shatner had been on his way to a talk about how TV keeps families together. Still, a little underused maybe?
Main: 7

Subplot
Well, once you have Stewie in the sub (or main) plot it’s pretty much guaranteed to be a success. His hatred of broccoli leads him to create a machine to control the weather, with the intention of making it too cold for the plant to survive. No flaws at all, and if anything saves the episode, it’s this, a situation that will occur again and again as Seth starts to run out of ideas.
Sub: 10
Grand total: 17

Character Usage
Main
Peter: 10
Lois: 6
Stewie: 10
Brian: 4
Chris: 1
Meg: 10
Total: 41

Supporting
Diane/Tom: 5
Total: 5
Grand total: 46 (of a possible 70)

The Annoyance Factor
Very high. Peter is an idiot. And a very bad father.
Score: -8

The crazy factor
Also high, though not as high as it could have been.
Score: 7

The Guest Factor
Shatner is featured but it is not him (not sure if they asked him and he refused, they couldn’t afford him at this early point in the show, or they just didn’t bother) so a big minus here. Have to say -10. Ponch, however, was voiced by Erik Estrada himself, so that gets a decent score of say 7. Overall then for Guests it’s
Score: -3

Episode Grand Total: 94


AD0102: “Threat levels”

Basic plot: After accidentally inhaling a toxic substance, Stan and all his family are quarantined in their home, with only twenty-four hours to live. When the scare turns out to be a false one, Francine, feeling her life is unfulfilled, takes up real estate and sells a house next door to them to the gay couple off the TV news.

Title thoughts
Yes, this is a good one. Bit basic, but it certainly fits.
Score: 8

The Good, The Bad and the Stupid

The Good

The fact that we assume, when Stan says about Greg and Terry that he doesn’t want “their kind” living next door, that he’s talking about them being gay, and it turns out he has a problem with them being reporters, is clever.
Score: 8

Stan thinking he hears “Your very manhood is at stake. Your very manhood is at stake.” in his mind but it turning out to be Dick from the CIA who is carpooling with him.
Score: 8

Stan aiming his sniper’s rifle at Francine, saying “What am I doing? This is the woman I love!” and then switching the regular gunsight for one shaped like a heart!
Score: 10

Donald Trump insisting on being paid royalties when Stan says “You’re fired!”
Score: 8

The homeless men realising one of them is dead and all fighting over his possessions.
Score: 6

“Oh come on! What’s more important? Your hopes and dreams or me making more than your mother?”
Score: 6

The Bad
Stan completely abusing his position at the CIA --- again --- this time to shut down the realty office with absolutely no evidence (cocaine donuts?)
Score: -10

The Stupid

Roger measuring for drapes and planning renovations after the family is dead. How does he think he’s going to pay for all of this? He has no title claim to the house (no rights at all, being an alien) and has never held down a job that wasn’t imaginary. Also, once Stan and his family are gone, who will protect him from the CIA?
Score: -10

Character usage
Main
Stan: 10
Francine: 10
Roger: 6
Hayley: 7
Steve: 7
Klaus: 5
Total: 45

Supporting
Greg and Terry: 5
Snot: 4
Toshi: 5
Barry: 3
CIA* : 4
Total: 21
Grand Total: 66 (Out of a possible 110)

(* As many of Stan’s contemporaries at the CIA are either nameless or used sort of interchangeably, other than Bullock, his boss, whenever he interacts with them --- unless one is clearly singled out, as does happen later on occasion --- I’ll treat any of his co-workers under the blanket “CIA” label,as here)

Did the storyline work or make sense? Did it succeed or fail, and why?
Main plot
Yeah, but again the comparisons with “The Simpsons” surface. As South Park remarked, Simpsons did it first. Marge spent time as a real estate agent, though Homer wasn’t as insecure about it as Stan is here.
Main: 5
Subplot
Sort of again non-existent really, and Roger is used pretty much only peripherally and as a source of annoyance.
Sub: 0
Total: 5


The Annoyance Factor
Very high. Stan’s (and his colleagues’) intolerance of homosexuals, their complete lack of understanding of it (“If there are two men who has the vagina? You gotta have a vagina!”) and also Stan’s condescending attitude towards Francine’s job (“Oh, she’ll soon get tired of playing with her new bone”), coupled with his feeling emasculated because she earns more than him is highly offensive.
Score: -9

A missed opportunity?
Not being scored, but just where I poke my nose in and mention things that could have happened in the episode but didn't.

As they wait out the final 24 hours of their lives, Stan and the family watch the first season of "24". As it ends, and the time runs out, I think it would have been good to have had the "24" clock ticking down to 23:59. After all, they used the clock in the house, so why not? Seemed like it was all set up for that gag, but they either missed it or decided against it. Boo.


The Guest Factor
No guests.

Episode Grand Total: 96

Again it's a close-run thing, however both shows score pretty low second time out.

__________________
Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018

Trollheart

FG0103: “Chitty Chitty death bang”

Basic plot: As his first birthday approaches, Stewie fears that the celebration is in fact an attempt by Lois to have him returned to her womb, and sets out to defeat her. Meg joins a suicide cult.

Title Thoughts
Already we’re looking at this and spreading out hands. What the fuck does “Chitty chitty death bang” mean, other than as a way of referencing the cult movie? It has nothing to do with the episode. What is the point?
Score: -10

The Good, The Bad and the Stupid

The Good
Sign: “You must be at least this high to ride”. Shows a hippy completely out of it.
Score: 10

Peter playing “Virtual Stuck Behind a Bus”.
Score: 8

Stewie’s misinterpretation of “the man in white”.
Score: 10

The “Dukes of Hazzard” voiceover
Score: 7

Peter’s somewhat creative description of what happened down at Cheesy Charlies’s…
Score: 10

Brian’s magazine: Doggy Style!
Score: 8

Peter doing his three little pigs routine. The UPS tagline just seals it.
Score: 10

Stewie encasing the airline guy in carbonite.
Score: 10

“Hey Lois look! The two symbols of the Republican Party: an elephant and a big fat white guy who’s threatened by change!”
Score: 8

Peter trying to get the monkey off his back --- literally!
Score: 10

The Bad

Nothing really that I’d class as “Bad”, for once.

The Stupid

Brian chasing some sort of miniature covered wagon across the floor?
Score: -10

Cutaways
1.
Stewie’s birth, which shocks Peter, is terrible, but then the doctor says “Oh I don’t think we’re finished here” and takes out a map of Europe, marked with various “bomb here” notes.
Score: 6

2.
Lois remembers all the work she had to do for Meg’s first birthday party, and all the things she missed because of it. All this does is to highlight what a lazy, selfish jerk Peter was even back then, not offering to even help. Not remotely funny, and given how dismissive he became of his daughter, almost ironic in a not at all funny way.
Score: -10

3.
Peter taking part in “West Side Story”. Pathetic.
Score: -8

4.
Hanson’s bus breaks down outside the Griffin’s house and Peter mistakes them for the "Children of the Corn", shooting them all with his shotgun.
Score: 10

5.
Stewie’s memories of his “Star Wars”-esque attack on the egg inside Lois.
Score: 10

6.
Peter farting in the lift. Sigh.
Score: -9

7.
Jesus turning water into funk. Double sigh.
Score: -10

I just knew that would happen!
Um, no I didn’t. When Peter goes to see the circus parade and looks at one of the signs pointing the way, I, like probably everyone, thought he was just going to redirect the parade, but he picks up the sign and hits the bandleader over the head, taking over. It’s funny and unexpected, but unfortunately it again copies the Simpsons, when Homer wanted to get in to the Superbowl. Still, it’s a decent, unexpected twist.
Score: 8

Character usage
Main
Peter: 10
Lois: 10
Stewie: 10
Chris: 3
Meg: 8
Brian: 4
Total: 45

Supporting
None
Total: 0
Grand total: 45 (Of a possible 60)

Did the storyline work or make sense? Why?
Main plot
Yeah, the storyline was hilarious, very clever and the two plots dovetailed really nicely. One of the better early episodes. Little bad to say about it. Peter's attempts to pull together a party at the last moment are quite funny.
Main: 7
Subplot
What can you say? Inspired. Stewie thinks he's going to be stuffed back inside Lois and mistakes the cult leader Meg met for "the man in white" (well, he is wearing white!) and kills him. Superb.
Sub: 10
Total: 17

The Annoyance Factor
Not much really. Zero in fact.

The Guest Factor
There’s a mention of Waylon Jennings playing himself, but I can’t see it, unless he does the “Dukes of Hazzard” voiceover? Rachael MacFarlane, who would go on to voice Francine in American Dad, and is Seth’s sister, voices Jennifer, Meg’s suicide cult member friend.

While I feel Jennings was totally underused if the above is the case, Rachel voiced Jennifer well and was used well, so overall
Score: 7

Evolution/Devolution
At times Peter behaves almost like a proper father and husband, mostly though he’s an insensitive annoying jerk who does not deserve Lois. Here I’ll be scoring him on each episode as to how well or badly he does.

With his realisation of the importance of Stewie’s birthday being more for Lois than the baby, Peter finally gets it, and his screwup at Cheesie Charlie’s is superceded by his mini-epiphany. And he did get the circus to come to their house!
Score: 8

Good or bad ending?
A good resolution, with Stewie killing “the man in white” --- “It’s a boy!” but the actual last scene, where they weakly tie in with the cutaway to Jesus is quite pointless. Still, the ending has to be agreed to be good.
Score: 9

Episode Grand Total: 138

AD0103:”Stan knows best”

Basic plot: Tired of Stan’s many rules, Hayley moves out of the house and into Jeff’s van. She then gets a job as a stripper. Roger pretends to be a disabled sister of Steve so he can get some.

Title Thoughts
Decent enough, and captures the essence of Stan Smith perfectly.
Score: 10

The Good, The Bad and the Stupid

The Good
Stan tries to use a “trigger word” on Hayley --- it’s supposed to make her go kill Walter Mondale --- but it doesn’t work. A moment later we see Steve in the background, walking glassy-eyed with a rifle. Good joke, and it presages one of the Christmas specials, where Stan buys Steve his first gun. You probably read it in “Christmas on the Couch with Trollheart”. What do you mean, you didn’t?
Score: 10

Roger: “Fine! I’ll go back to the frigid attic! I’m supposed to bring pneumonia back to my home planet anyway!”
Score: 7

“Hey Stan! Did you hear? Sanders just killed his first dictator! Well, first he was a US ally, then a dictator!”
Score: 6

Sign: Mentally deficient young women --- formerly Crazy girls!
Score: 5

Customer to Hayley as a stripper: “Oh yeah! Who’s yer daddy?” Stan: “I am!”
Score: 4

Roger getting lost in his first real role as a teenage girl, something that will lead to his many disguises and personas. It all starts here!
Score: 10

Stripper fight!
Score: 8

The Bad
“Most girls your age have to go through chemo to get a wig this nice!” Not at all funny; quite insensitive and offensive, really.
Score: -10

Francine’s “this isn’t about Tina” rant. Too long and pointless.
Score: -5

Hayley’s wig falls off and the patrons are grossed out? After the kinds of things they've fantasised about? Probably.
Score: -8

The Stupid
Steve’s efforts to get a date are just sad and annoying. Doesn’t he realise that when a girl kicks you in the crotch it’s an indication she’s not interested? (Or is it?)
Score: -5

Cutaways
None

Character usage
Main
Stan: 10
Francine: 7
Steve: 7
Hayley: 9
Roger: 7
Klaus: 0
Total: 40

Supporting
CIA: 6
Jeff: 6
Snot: 4
Toshi: 4
Barry: 2
Total: 22
Grand Total: 62 (Of a possible 110)

Did the storyline work or make sense? Did it succeed or fail, and why?
Main plot
It did, and for once it was not a rip-off of “Simpsons”. The striking out of an independent young woman on her own comes to something of a screeching halt when she realises the alternative to living under her domineering father’s roof is to live in a van with her boyfriend, but she handles it well. At the end, things are sort of back to the way they were though, but Jeff is properly introduced here and Stan learns something about his daughter.
Main: 6
Subplot
As ever, any subplot with Roger is worth watching, and his initial intention to pose as Steve’s horribly disfigured sister takes on its own life as he gets lost in the role. As I said above, this kicks off the whole idea of Roger having various personas, and also provides a plot device to allow him to get out of the house, which is just as well because let’s face it, they could hardly keep coming up with stories with him in the house.
Sub: 9
Total: 15

Evolution/Devolution
Stan is the typical tyrannical father --- “While you live under my roof you’ll obey my rules” --- and goes to extreme lengths to impose his will here. Cutting off Hayley’s hair because he doesn’t like the colour she dyes it is only the start. He then has her captured by the CIA from a party, pulls a gun on her, laughs at her efforts to leave home and ends up in a fight with her fellow strippers when he orders her home. By the end, he has learned to loosen the leash a little, but he is still having her followed by the CIA when she goes out, so what has he learned really? Little I would say.
Score: -7

The Annoyance Factor
Because of his intransigence and strictness, he is annoying but not as much as in the previous episode.
Score: -6

The Guest Factor
Zooey Deschanel is good as Kammie, the girl Steve tries to impress by pretending Roger is his sister.
Score: 5

Episode Grand Total: 107

So there's a very marked difference here, as Family Guy clearly beats American Dad by a clear thirty points. Much of this is of course down to Stewie, as much of the higher scoring episodes of the other series will be thanks to Roger.

Apparently, the first season of each show is very short --- seven episodes each --- and so that brings us to the halfway point. Let's see how we're doing.

Total score for Family Guy: 354
Total score for American Dad: 326

So there's a decent enough lead for the original show, but we'll see how things stand at the end of the season. Apart from anything else, there are supporting characters yet to be introduced in each, which may swing the balance one way or the other.

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Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018