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1.1 "Camille"

We open on a school bus trip. A red-haired girl called Camille is looking listlessly out the window and listening to music. Her teacher hands her a test paper which she looks at disinterestedly. A few moments later the bus plunges over the side of a bridge. The titles tell us it is now "present day", and we focus on a collection of butterflies under glass. The case begins shaking as one of the insects breaks free and shatters the glass, flying off into the night sky. An old man sleeps in an untidy house and is suddenly woken by a knocking at his door.

The scene switches to Camille, the schoolgirl from the bus accident, as she clambers over a guardrail, seemingly from over the cliff and walks towards the village that is her home. In a local bar a man pays a woman much younger than he, and his daughter, outside in a car with her boyfriend watches, disgusted. Her name is Lena, and it's pretty obvious what her father has just paid for. The man then goes to attend a grief councilling meeting, where the parents of all the children killed in the bus accident are discussing a memorial which is to be erected on the fourth anniversary of the tragedy. One of the women, Sandrine, tells the group she is pregnant again, and seems happy.

All this time, Camille is still walking home, and as she makes her way there the lights go on and off as if there are intermittent power failures in the village. When she gets home, her mother calls to her, expecting Lena, who we now see is her sister. She is amazed, shocked, delighted and disbelieving to find her daugher, Camille, dead now these four years, eating a sandwich in the kitchen and believing she has only just that morning deaprted on the bus. She knows nothing of the accident, telling her mother she awoke on the side of a hill and has no idea how she got there.

Fearing she is perhaps going mad, Claire calls her husband to come home. Well, she doesn't quite. She calls Pierre, who is the one chairing the meeting, and then when she gets no answer from him she calls the man we saw paying the young girl, whose name is Jerome, and he hurries home, amazed to find his dead daughter taking a bath in her house. Satisfied that she is not losing her mind, Claire wonders what they are to do, and how they can explain this? How can it be happening?

Cut to Julie, a young doctor who is called in the middle of the night to one of her patients, a Mr. Costa. He says it's urgent. The camera focusses on a picture of a young woman and a voice asks "Who were you calling?" As Julie goes to leave a strange, wild-eyed young man enters and asks her if the door code has changed, to which she says no. She leaves and he goes up the staircase to her apartment, knocking but getting no answer. A neighbour tells him the occupant has just left, and he asks is it Adele but the woman says no, Julie. He looks surprised.

Julie meanwhile attends to Mr. Costa, and as she finishes up hears someone in the kitchen, but he says he is alone. When she is gone we see that sitting in the kitchen is the woman in the photograph, looking as if she has just stepped out of the picture this moment, or just finished posing for it. On the way home, Julie encounters a young boy at the bus stop, who watches her as she gets on the bus and then follows her. The strange young man goes to the local bar, The Lake Pub, looking for Adele but is told she does not work there; she now works in the multimedia library. Lena, who is drinking at the bar, offers to show him where she lives.

Pierre turns up at Camille's house and Claire says that her daughter has come back, just as he said she would: it's a miracle. It's clear Pierre is some sort of religious person; not a priest, but a man of deep faith who believes everything happens for a reason. Camille does not trust him when she sees him; she does not know him, and the closeness of the man to her mother and her rather cold detachment from her father bothers her. She does not realise that it's been four years and things have changed in her family.

The little boy gets off at the same stop as Julie but can't get into her building; she is so tired she fails to even see him as she goes in. It's only later, when she looks out of the window she sees him standing in the street, looking up at her. There's a knock on her door, and somehow he's outside. She asks who he is, is he lost, but he won't say a word. When her nosy neighbour comes out and sees the boy Julie quickly names him Victor, so as to dispel any notions the woman might have. The neighbour, Mrs. Payet, tells Julie that someone was here looking for Adele, and goes back into her own apartment, while the boy makes himself at home.

Pierre compares Camille's return to the Resurrection of Christ, but Jerome is not a believer and is not impressed. It's clear now that Pierre is with Claire, and her ex-husband resents both his interest in his wife and also his beliefs, and the way Claire clings to them. However Pierre agrees that Camille needs her family --- the family she thinks she left behind only this morning --- and leaves. When the young man reaches Adele's house he tries to get in but she goes crazy, banging on the door from inside and refusing to open it, screaming "Leave me alone!" Her daughter comes down the stairs to see what is wrong, and the young man, realising he won't get in or perhaps hearing the little girl walks away.

Julie continues to try to get information out of the boy but nothing doing. She agrees to allow him to stay with her for now. In the Lake Pub, the girl who Jerome had paid at the beginning, whose name is Lucy, walks home and goes via an underpass which will figure more in the story as the series progresses. Here she is attacked by a knife-wielding man, who stabs her repeatedly and leaves her for dead. Lena returns home but climbs in her window as she is late, and is startled to hear tapping on her bedroom wall, coming from the opposite room, Camille's room, then terrified as her responding tap is answered! She stares in horror as her bedroom door opens and then her dead sister, her twin, stands in front of her. She breaks down, screaming hysterically as her parents rush upstairs, too late to explain things to her.

Scene changes to old Mr. Costa's house, and we see him pouring lighter fluid over photographs and setting them on fire, as the woman in the picture, bound and gagged, watches in horror from the kitchen. The flames leap up. The fire brigade, attending later, are told by the police that Mr. Costa is gone and the fire looks like arson, but nobody else was in the building when it burned down. The police captain, arriving home, finds Adele in shock, and she tells him it has started again. The young man who had tried to see her finds his grave, and we see his name is Simon Delaitre. Workers at the dam are concerned about the level of the water in the reservoir; it's dropping and showing no signs of stopping. They are even more concerned when they see an old man standing on the edge of the dam. Before they can stop him, Mr. Costa has jumped.

As the first episode comes to a conclusion, we see Camille, four years prior, the day of the accident. Her sister, Lena, is sick, and so is not going on the trip. Camille sulks that she does not want to go either, but her parents say they have paid a lot of money for it and she is going. Then we see that Lena is only feigning sickness in order to have her end away with a local boy, Frederic. As they begin to make love, Camille somehow senses it and runs to the front of the bus, saying she must get off. Just as she does, the little boy, Victor, appears in the middle of the road. Fade to black.

QUESTIONS?
"The Returned" is a series of questions. The first and most obvious is how and why Camille has come back from the dead. Is it possible that she is not dead? Could she have lain on the side of a mountain in a coma for four years and only now woke up, with no knowledge of the passage of time? But if so, why does she look not one day older? What about Simon? Is he dead too? He has seen his own grave, but perhaps that was erected in his absence, and people thought he was dead? What is his connection to Adele?

Why does Camille feel the strong connection with Lena? Is it just a sister thing, a result of their being twins, or is it more? Who is the little boy known as Victor, and where did he come from? Why has he latched on to Julie? Who is the woman who appeared in Mr. Costa's house and why did he set it on fire? Who killed Lucy in the tunnel? What connection has that to the story?

This series will answer some questions, but others will not be so easily disposed of.

CONNECTIONS
There is a definite link now between Adele and Simon, and the police captain appears to factor into that also. Whose child is the little girl?

Other relationships will begin to be clarified in the next few episodes, as everything eventually ties together in one huge mysterious tapestry.

Lena must feel a heavy burden of guilt, knowing that had she not faked illness in order to see her boyfriend that morning she would also be dead; whether she would have come back or not is debatable. So far, it seems Camille is the only one of the children to return. But Lena must feel guilty for being alive while her sister is, well, not quite.

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Season One, Episode Five

"Catch as can"

James has returned from France with a cargo for Mr. Watson, one of his now-regular small clients. Callon, however, is angry, because Watson also deals with him and he doesn't want Onedin getting anything from one of his clients. He lays down an ultimatum: no more freight for James Onedin from Watson or he can kiss his contracts with Callon goodbye. The sound of Sarah's newborn is like a drill going into Elizabeth's heart, and she feels totally alone. Daniel's many letters to her lie on the table unopened. Meanwhile at sea the object of her affections is due to take a ship home after its captain took a heart attack, so he will be returning to Liverpool sooner than expected. Frazer comes aboard the "Charlotte Rhodes" as James is given the bad news by Watson, and they discuss his obsession (other than Elizabeth, that is!): steamships. Frazer believes they are the way forward, the transportation of the future, but Onedin disagrees.

"The wind blows free for every man's use", he points out, quoting the title of the pilot episode. "Steamships are expensive to build, even more expensive to run". James is a dyed-in-the-wool sailing ships man, and will resist the pull of steam until he can see a way of making a profit from it. Frazer invites he and Anne down to his new house which he has inherited in the country, and says he would consider it a favour, as the aunt that comes with it is not enamoured of him, and any backup he can provide would be appreciated. Of course, he mentions that should James wish to invite Elizabeth, he would not have any objection.

Rather unsettlingly for James, she does not wish to go. Given that she's now carrying Daniel's child I expect such social engagements are far from her mind, but James is not giving up. He knows Frazer dropped the possibility of Elizabeth attending lightly, but meant it most firmly. It could, and probably will, be a deal-breaker, and Frazer has agreed to repair James's ship at a much lower price than usual in a favour-for-favour return. Anne works on her though, and when she's convinced her that it's Albert's idea and not her brother's she relents and agrees to go.

Baines, meanwhile, has not returned to the ship, and the reason turns out to be that he's been press-ganged by Callon's men and dumped onbaord one of Callon's Clippers bound for Boston. When James has no luck tracking him down he asks Robert what ships are in the dock, and when he learns that one, the "San Francisco Belle", is connected with Callon he's able to guess at what's happened. Callon's son, meanwhile, having seen Baines onboard the Clipper is uneasy at his father's business practices and does not agree with his methods. James tries to intercept the Clipper before it can leave the harbour, and Anne must proceed to the party without him, for the moment.

When Fogarty hears about it though he is determined to chase Elizabeth down and confronts her at the country house. Another fight ensues and she throws him out. James gets onboard the Clipper and locates Baines, but he has been badly beaten and is unable to speak. Remembering his wife's work with the old sailor though Onedin proves Baines' identity by having him sign his name, to the considerable amazement of the captain, who had claimed he "made his mark" when they took him aboard in Riga. Faced with a Board of Trade enquiry if he refuses to release Baines, the captain has no choice and he returns with James.

Back home after the aborted party, Anne tells Elizabeth that she has guessed her secret, and quickly thereafter Robert, who comes calling at their warehouse home, is made aware. He is thunderstruck. Anne is delighted to see James back safe at port, and with Baines onboard: he has saved his Mate, and it's been all thanks to her teaching him how to read and write. Who said education was a waste of time?


QUOTES
Callon: "All men are equal in the sight of God but that's where it ends. In commerce it's value for money and catch as can."

Anne: "Would you come in search of me?"
James: "That would depend on what you'd taken with ye!"

Fogarty: "How's Elizabeth?"
Onedin (departing): "She's got a full programme."
Fogarty (doing a double take): "What do you mean, a full programme?" (He shouts it again at James as the "Charlotte Rhodes" begins to move out of earshot)
James (grinning): "Captains don't shout: they employ men to do that for them!"



FAMILY
JAMES
We see briefly another side of James Onedin in this episode, at least at the beginning. It's a more playful, boyish side that seems miles removed from the hardened plutocrat he aspires to be. On his return from France he presents Anne with a gift, a fan, and she grasps it as if it is the most wonderful thing she ever received. Perhaps it is. His eyes sparkle when she seems so pleased. And later they speak of dancing, with the upcoming garden party Frazer is arranging; Anne says she could not picture James dancing, and he proceeds to regale her with a --- possibly fictitious --- story of a commodore's daugher he danced with in Sydney. He knows she will take no offence from his mentioning other women: she is his now, and he hers, and neither would have it any other way. One thing James will always be while she is alive is faithful to his wife.

Mind you, this jolly mood dissipates quickly when he's faced with his sister's obstinacy, and he's back to the dour old stone-faced tyrant we're coming to know and perhaps love. Despite his contention that it's just because there are no Mates as cheap as Baines in port, it's quite clear that James goes to rescue him as a friend, and with indignation too, that one of his men be "crimped". He has to also admit that his wife has had unexpectedly prophetic vision, for were it not for her having taught Baines to write, he would not have been able to prove that he is who he is.

BAINES
Ever Onedin's right hand man, Baines is still treated as little more than a hired hand by James. But Anne has been teaching him to read and write, and is delighted and satisfied when he is able to sign his name for his wages, a skill that ends up saving him from being shanghaied and taken to parts foreign aganst his will, perhaps never to see England's green hills again! He mentions he is going to see his sister in Wellington Street, which will come up in a later episode. Anne rebukes James for his short treatment of the Mate: "He's your right hand, James," she reminds him. "You'd do better to let him appreciate it." Unlike her husband, Anne is quite aware of Baines' professional reputation and how sought-after he is as a sailor, and fears that if James does not start treating him better, the man may jump ship and go to work for someone else: Callon, even.

This happens, though in a different manner, as related above, and perhaps now James Onedin can begin to see the value of his old seadog, and begin to appreciate him more. Baines certainly appreciates himself, as we will see later, as he tries to better his station in life. Anne Onedin has started him on a road he had never thought to travel, and given him ideas that he can be more than just a simple sailor.

CALLON
Callon Senior thinks nothing of Baines: he tells his son "Most of them were born anonymous and will certainly die that way." He does not care if the man dies at sea, never sees his home again. He does not know, nor care, whether Baines has a family depending on him. He sees him merely as a pawn, a way to strike back at James Onedin. He of course is careful to make sure his name is not in any way linked with the incident officially, and no blame can be attached to him, though James knows, even if he cannot prove it. Callon's son, Edmund, on the other hand, whom we meet for the first time here, seems less callous, a more principled individual, and his father no doubt has a mind to remove such notions as pity and compassion from his mind, and mould him into a copy of himself.

A LIFE ON THE OCEAN WAVE
Callon mentions the "India trade", where fast ships delivered the tea from India and China in Clippers, the fastest vessels on the seas at that time. He tells Watson that the man needs his Clippers if he wishes to remain in the India trade, and Watson glumly tells James that he has no Clippers and so Watson is constrained to accept Callon's demand that he cut off all dealings with James.

Crimping: also known as shanghai-ing or press-ganging, this was a practice known about but which the harbour authorities would turn a blind eye, where gangs of men from ships who needed cheap, ie free labour and who were soon due to depart the port would frequent taverns and inns, roaming the streets after closing time and snagging any unwary drunken able-bodied men, sailors or not, and force them to work on the ships. For many, this could mean months or longer at sea and even the possibility they might never return to their home.

D&D: No, not dungeons and dragons! D&D in this instance stood for deaf and dumb, which was both how the pressed sailors were listed in the ship's crew roster and told to behave, in case anyone should ask who they were or where they came from. A deaf mute could hardly be asked questions!

Making your mark: In the 1860s not that many of the working classes were educated enough to be able to read and/or write, so when they had to sign anything, like a ship's crew manifest or for their wages, they would simply put an "X", which was called making their mark, and perfectly acceptable aboard any ship. Lack of, as Baines would put it, "the letterin'" was not seen to be any impediment to a man serving aboard ship. In fact, the less educated a man was the better in some cases, for it was a lot easier to cheat a man on his wages if he couldn't count.

Clippers: The fastest ships on the seas at the time, long and sleek and with the most and best sails. Beautiful, stylish, top of the range ships at the time, even now still beautiful. The "Cutty Sark", which was displayed in Greenwich in England until the fire that nearly destroyed it was one such.

Nutcracker: A term for the person into whose hands the responsibility of paying out the seamen's wages falls.

MANNER AND MORES
It's quite interesting how the world of the nineteenth century differs so radically from our own, even from the previous one. An unmarried mother is not only a social stigma unwanted by any family, but is entitled to nothing. There is no social welfare, no cheap house, no allowance, and indeed the chances, slim as they already are for women, of being employed if you were seen as a "scarlet woman" were virtually nil. For this reason James and Robert, and indeed Anne and Sarah, will all want Elizabeth married off as soon as possible, definitely before the baby is born.

The level of shock such a thing is greeted with is evident in Robert's almost disbelieving face when he is given the news: his sister, a harlot! Or one step removed. He can't understand it. How could she? And of course the status of women back then was so marginal that Elizabeth would have scarcely any say in whether or not she should be wed, or to who. The honour of the family would be paramount, and this way of thinking of course permeates and informs the entire series, as a microcosm of Victorian values long since left behind in tatters.

Even the appearance of a man, uninvited at her house, scandalises and shocks and enrages Frazer's aunt. Such things are simply not done. In the previous episode, when calling on Mrs Arkwright, James says he brought Robert with him so as not to make it look like his intentions were anything but honourable towards the recently-widowed lady. Of course, he had other reasons for having his brother accompany him, but this explanation is accepted at face value by Mrs Arkwright, as it seems a socially correct precaution.

In the same way as the Onedin family cluck their tongues and wonder when the youngest member of the clan will settle down, Albert's aunt makes the same observations about her nephew, archly asking him if he has a ladyfriend yet, to which Albert replies in the negative, though whether or not his aunt can see through the subterfuge is uncertain.

It's interesting too to note Fogarty's two views of high society. When he comes to confront his intended, he has no time for such things as the rules of etiquette, and indeed for most of his life has lived in a totally different sphere altogther, the tough, hard, uncompromising life of the seaman, where manner and mores count for next to nothing. So his behaviour at Albert's aunt's is in some ways expected and even forgivable, or at least understandable. However, on the other side of the coin, when he hopes to impress his boss by taking Elizabeth to lunch with them, he impresses upon her the fact that no longer is it enough for a ship's captain to be an able sailor, experienced in the way of the sea and the ways of command; now he is expected to be comfortable in polite company, to be able to entertain, mix in society. Fogarty is ready to change his ways for the sake of a promotion, or in other words, when it suits him, but not when his blood is up. In this way, he could be seen as something of a hypocrite, but then, as Elizabeth says to him that night onboard the "Charlotte Rhodes": "When I look at you I don't see the sea captain everyone else sees. I see the orphan child, his face streaked with dirt and holding out his begging bowl."

In many ways, Daniel Fogarty, though he may rise through the echelons of society, will never be comfortable in a top hat and tails, and will always be that orphan child.

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1.6 "Three line whipping"

B'Stard visits a high-class prostitute for some s&m, with the emphasis clearly on the "s", but she literally gets the wrong end of the stick and canes him instead! Just then the joint is raided and it turns out that many high profile members are in attendance, including a judge and a commander of the Vice Squad! When this is made clear to the arresting officer he has no choice but to cancel the raid and drop all charges. Returning to his room B'Stard turns on the TV and is reminded with horror that he is supposed to be on Breakfast TV now! He grabs a taxi but when he gets to the studio he's asked a question about the previous night's by-election result, and since he was in the brothel at the time he doesn't know the answer. He tries to bluff his way through it, but can't possibly guess as it was, as Bob Crippen informs him, "a bolt out of the blue!"

In the toilets after the show he bumps in again to the chatty cab driver, who baits him until he ends up punching him and knocking him to the ground, whereupon he does not get up and B'Stard fears he has killed him. Needing to dispose of the body, he takes the cab and throwing the body in the boot drives off to find somewhere to dispose of it. Unfortunately for him, he is stopped by police, who need an alternative driver for Mrs Thatcher, whose state car has broken down. Using the opportunity of a lifetime to his advantage, he cuts in on the conversation herself and the Chief Whip are having, playing up himself in the guise as an "ordinary man".

Unfortunately, by the time he has dropped off the Thatch and made it out to the country, he's been up for what, about twenty straight hours or more, and he's knackered. Running out of options he's desperately searching for somewhere he won't be observed disposing of the taxi when he falls asleep at the wheel and loses control of the vehicle, which plows into a barn. Some hours later the police arrive to rescue him. He tells a tale of the cabby going mad and kidnapping him, but suddenly it appears the driver is not as dead as B'Stard thought. He contravenes Alan's story of course, but the police obvously take his word over that of the cabby and he is arrested.

The Chief Whip is most annoyed the next day to have to advise him that the Prime Minister has decided to forgive his little escapade, remarking that he wishes she would stop talking to taxi drivers!


QUOTES
B'Stard, with the dead cabby on the floor of the men's room: "Well that's just all I need first thing on a Friday morning, isn't it? A dead dwarf!"

To Sir Stephen, when he tells him he's let the side down: "Do you think I really give an orang-utan's about the opinion of a man with a plastic drainpipe where his colon should be?"
Sir Stephen: "You'll be old some day, B'Stard."
Alan: "Yes I will but I shan't be bionic!"

B'Stard: "You don't think I'm going to set foot inside an NHS hospital after ten years of government cutbacks, do you? Take me to Harley Street!"

MACHINATIONS
For once, there is none this episode. B'Stard is far too busy trying to save his skin to think up any devilish moneymaking plots.

SIDEKICK
For the first time ever, Piers stands up to Alan! When he's told to take the taxi with the dead body in the boot (though this little bit of information is conveniently omitted by B'Stard) and take it out to the countryside and burn it, this offends Piers' innate sense of affinity with nature, and he refuses to pollute the countryside. Enraged --- not so much at the refusal, one would think, as at the fact that Piers actually stands up to him --- Alan has to do the job himself, though he does tell Piers he's cleaning up his mess. Where that comes from is anyone's guess.

THE USER AND THE USED
PIERS
Although not actually there at the time, Piers' name is used by B'Stard both when meeting the prostitute and when, later, giving his name to the arresting officer.

PCRs
Haven't been that many in recent episodes but there are a few here.
"That'll do nicely": the arresting officer, on seeing the warrant card of the Commander of the Vice Squad at the brothel. This was the tagline for American Express in the eighties.

"Anne Diamond": almost celebrity TV presenter of Breakfast TV.

"I shan't be bionic!" Alan makes this nasty jibe at Sir Stephen, in reference to his having an artificial body part implanted in him. This goes back to the seventies, when Steve Austin, the Six Million Dollar Man, was the hero of every boy on TV, and everyone was talking about bionics, even though the science, at least at the level proposed in the series, was very much in its infancy and still pretty much the pervue of novelists and film-makers.

...AND ISN'T THAT...?
A real-life TV star of the eighties, Jayne Irving was a leading light in the TV-AM breakfast show on British television, and plays herself here.

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New character! Bruce Boxleitner joins the second season as commander of Babylon 5, a role he will retain right up to season five.


He will be completely pivotal to the second, third and fourth season arcs and much of the series will revolve around him, yet in the early days he seemed an odd choice...

Season Two: "The coming of Shadows" (Part One)
2.1 "Points of departure"

General Hague from Earthforce Joint Chiefs of Staff contacts Captain John Sheridan, in command of the cruiser Agamemnon and tells him that a rogue Minbari cruiser has been spotted in the vicinity of Babylon 5. Mistakenly believing that he is to rendezvous with the other Minbari ship sent to hunt down the Tregati, Captain Sheridan is told that he is in fact to proceed to Babylon 5, but is to take command, replacing Commander Sinclair, who has been reassigned permanently. It is eight days since the assassination of President Santiago and Sheridan's orders come direct from the new president, Morgan Clarke. On Babylon 5, Garibaldi remains in a coma while Delenn is sequestered in her quarters and will accept no visitors: she is in no condition to.

Hague tells Ivanova, in temporary command after Sinclair's recall to Earth, that her former CO is to be the new liaison to Minbar, and that the Minbari requested him specifically. When she hears who her new commander is to be she comments that it's a controversial choice but is not allowed question it. She served previously under Sheridan so knows him, and his reputation. He's said to be the only human ever to successfully destroy a Minbari warcruiser. A Minbari, possibly a member of the Grey Council or one of their agents, visits Lennier in Delenn's quarters and tells him that the Tregati has been sighted, and that if it arrives at Babylon 5 Lennier is to go to the humans and tell them what he has been told: it's time, he says, they knew the truth.

In typical Babylon 5 fashion, Sheridan's arrival is early and Ivanova has no time to arrange an honour guard. She asks as tactfully as she can why he was given the command, and Sheridan says he was told that he was Santiago's first choice to replace Sinclair, due mostly to his working closely with alien races while out on the Rim with the Agamemnon. She points out that unlike Sinclair, whom the Minbari pushed for the job, his appointment will not be looked upon kindly: they still call him "Starkiller", she says. A Minbari called Kalain comes on board, warning the one who went to see Lennier that something bad is about to happen. He advises him to leave the station.

Sheridan goes to give his "good luck speech" to the crew but is interrupted when he is told there is a Minbari who needs to speak to him urgently, on a matter of grave security. It turns out to be Hedronn, the Minbari who had spoken to Lennier, and he tells Sheridan about Kalain, who is commander of the Tregati, a war cruiser that vanished into exile at the end of the war rather than surrender as ordered by the Grey Council. Kalain and his crew believe that they have been betrayed both by Earth and Minbar, and are a loose cannon, a dangerous one, almost a literal one.

Ivanova asks Sheridan how he destroyed The Black Star, the Minbari flagship and he tells her that he had the asteroid field between Jupiter and Mars mined, then faked a distress signal, luring the hulking cruiser in and causing it to be destroyed by the fusion mines. With it went three of their heavy cruisers. It was about the only real victory for Earth in the war, and the reason why the Minbari hate him and call him "Starkiller". Thinking about it though, Sheridan realises that if Kalain is aboard, and believes the Minbari government betrayed his people, he might strike at their representative, and they rush to the helpless Delenn's quarters, where Kalain has indeed made his way. They stop him, but Sheridan thinks it was too easy, and suspects a diversion. He wonders where Kalain's ship, the Tregati could be hiding?

Since Kalain is here though, and therefore his ship must also be in hyperspace waiting to attack, Lennier obeys Hedronn and goes to speak to Sheridan and Ivanova. He explains that at the height of the Battle of the Line a human was taken aboard one of the Minbari ships, examined by the Grey Council, tortured to try and get information about Earth's defences from their mind. Completely at random, they selected Sinclair but were amazed to find out that the two races shared DNA. Minbari believe that every generation is reborn in the next, but in the last few thousand years the descendants seem to be getting watered down. They discover that Minbari souls are being reborn in human bodies. The two races share a common destiny, and the destruction of the humans would inevitably result in the death of all Minbari.The Grey Council could not of course tell their warriors this, and so simply ordered them to surrender, which they did. But the decision has split Minbari society ever since.

The Tregati makes its appearance and its second in command demands the return of Kalain. When Sheridan finds that Kalain has killed himself he realises the Tregati has the perfect excuse to attack, believing or accusing the humans of killing their captain. But when he thinks about it further, Sheridan realises that teh Minbari would not start a war, so they are trying to get the humans to shoot first. Then they will be martyrs, honour lost at the Battle of the Line will be restored, and the war will begin again. He signals the other Minbari cruiser that Hague told him had been despatched to hunt down the Tregati, while refusing the order to his own fighters to fire, knowing that the Minbari will not fire the first shot. When ordered to surrender, and then crippled by the other Minbari cruiser, the crew of the Tregati destroy their own ship.

Lennier speaks to Delenn in her quarters in her coccoon, worried about the prophecy that is soon to come to pass, and of a great enemy who is returning. Sheridan gets to give his welcome speech just in time, and officially, in his eyes, takes control of his new command.

QUOTES
Ivanova: "I don't know. I just keep seeing Earth Force One blowing up, over and over in my dreams. You know, all my life I used to think I could handle anything, fix any problem. But when I saw that I realised there was nothing I could do to stop it. I don't think I've ever felt so helpless."

Hedronn: "I would answer your question if I recognised your authority, but unlike your predecessor my government was not consulted on your appointment."
Sheridan: "The president feels that the Minbari had too much influence over an Earth outpost. Times change!"
Hedronn: "And the day that a man such as you is given a position of this importance is a dark day indeed. We lost many of our best warriors because of you, and we do not soon forget such things. If there is a doom upon this station it is because you brought it here!"

Lennier to Kalain: "If you are going to kill me then do so. Otherwise I have considerable work to do."

Ivanova: "I learned a while ago that there's enough guilt in the world to go round without grabbing for more."

Lennier "I told them Delenn, as I was ordered. I only wish I could have told them the rest, about the great enemy that is returning, and the prophecy that the two sides of our spirit must unite against the darkness or be destroyed. They say it will take both of our races to stop the darkness. I'm told that the Earthers will discover all this soon enough on their own. I hope they are right, because if we are wrong, no-one will survive our mistake."

Ivanova: "Logic is good, but what it has to do with Earthforce is anyone's guess."

Sheridan's "Good luck speech": "It was an early Earth president, Abraham Lincoln, who best described our situation: the dogmas of the quiet past are inadequate to the stormy present. The occasion is piled high with difficulty and we must rise to the occasion. We cannot escape history; we will be remembered in spite of ourselves. The fiery trial through which we must pass will light us down in honour or dishonour to the last generation. We shall nobly save or meanly lose our last best hope of Earth."

Important Plot Arc Points:
THE BATTLE OF THE LINE
Arc Level: Red
We finally understand what happened at the final stand in the Earth/Minbari war. As the victors prepared to destroy Earth they took one of the humans to glean what they could about its defences, and that person happened to be Jeffrey Sinclair. They were amazed and troubled to find that humans and Minbari share souls, so that by killing their enemy they were in fact killing themselves. With this information they had no choice but to order their forces to surrender. They then ensured that Sinclair, as their first ever human contact, was given the position of commander of Babylon 5 when they signed on to help finance and support it.

Although this clears up much of the mystery from season one, there are yet further and even more shocking revelations about Sinclair and his relationship to the Minbari to be made, but sorry folks: you'll have to wait till deep in season three for those!

We're also told that President Clark knows of the reason why the Minbari surrendered --- it's said he's the only other human with such knowledge. Presumably Santiago told him when he was sworn in as Vice President. But he does not believe it. And Sheridan has his doubts too. The whole thing is a little bit too hocus-pocus for the career officer, and he thinks there is another reason behind this.

DELENN
Arc Level: Orange
When season one ended, Delenn had just gone into her coccoon, for reasons unknown as yet but apparently important to her. So far, we still do not know what those reasons are, but in the final scene in her quarters we see the coccoon showing signs of breaking, perhaps cracking and opening. What will emerge? Is she alive? Dead? Gone?

STARKILLER
Arc Level: Green
A controversial choice for command of Babylon 5 indeed. You might as well put, as far as the Minbari are concerned, Hitler in charge of the Israeli state. Unlike Sinclair, the Minbari have no stake --- and no say, under the Clark administration --- in Sheridan being appointed to head Babylon 5, but they have many reasons to oppose it. His name is a dark one in their recent history, and few Minbari that did not lose some family on the Black Star. His path will not be an easy one.

Notes on the opening of season two
At the end of season one I postulated the question, what now for the residents of Babylon 5? Well, it would seem a lot. A new commander, with the old one reassigned to Minbar. A different style of leadership: though Sinclair fought on The Line, Sheridan has just left behind command of an Earthforce cruiser and is now being asked to play diplomat. He has little time to get used to his new surroundings and familiarise himself with the station and the staff before they are thrust into a crisis. This will, of course, become par for the course.

Revelations too, as we learn of the reason why the Minbari surrendered at the Battle of the Line, and that Sinclair has now been reassigned as ambassador to Minbar, at their request. Garibaldi remains in a coma, and whether or not he is going to pull through is unknown at this time. Lennier foretells the onset of a huge war, and indeed this is referenced in the opening credits, when Sheridan says "It was the dawn of the Third Age of Mankind, the year the great war came upon us all." A darkness is coming, and it will be the kind of darkness that swallows galaxies. Lennier knows of the prophecy which hints that in order to beat this ancient enemy, humans and Minbari will have to fight side by side, so Sheridan's polarising arrival on the station is not good news for this as-yet-to-be-forged alliance.

Note: Technically this season features a new character in Starfury pilot Warren Keffer, but he was put in at the insistence of the network and JMS gleefully killed him off soon afterwards. He doesn't feature that much overall and he's certainly not important to the story arc, so I'm not making a big deal of him. Besides, he was Babylon 5's answer to Erik Estrada's Ponch in CHiPs!

On a personal note, I was sad initially to see Michael O'Hare go, despite what many think of his acting. I had grown used to him, and the replacement of him with younger, more dynamic Bruce Boxleitner was, to me, a shallow network ploy to appeal to the younger demographic of the show. Turns out I was totally wrong: all of this was planned and expected by JMS, and as we will see as the season and future ones pan out, it was the very best choice he could have made. The addition of Sheridan took the show to new levels, and allowed it a freedom it really didn't have under Sinclair's guidance. Without giving too much away, the coming struggles required a younger man, and I had always seen Sinclair as the grizzled father with Sheridan as his hotshot son. Babylon 5 would in fact make Boxleitner's career, and people would and will forever after associate him now with John Sheridan in the same way that Tom Baker will always be Doctor Who, or William Shatner Captain Kirk.

2.2 "Revelations"

Londo is throwing a fit, enraged that two of the permanent members of the Babylon 5 council are not in attendance. Again. Lennier tells him, probably not for the first time, that Delenn is indisposed but he is dismissive of the attache's excuses for his employer. And Na'Toth admits she has no idea when G'Kar will return. As it happens, G'Kar is at this moment heading for Babylon 5, having narrowly escaped destruction at the hands of ships eerily similar to the spider ships we saw in the previous season. Sheridan is approached by Dr. Franklin with an idea to use the alien healing machine from "The quality of mercy" to try to save Garibaldi's life as a last-ditch method. With no other option, Sheridan agrees, but says he will help the doctor by allowing his own life-force to be taken under the doctor's supervision. Franklin is dubious, but they agree to take turns, so they can monitor each other. Before that though Sheridan's sister Elizabeth has come to visit him. They discuss his wife's death, two years ago, and Elizabeth is worried that her brother has not moved on. She points out that Anna was her friend a long time before she became his wife. But Sheridan still hurts, and is not ready to face this yet.

Londo arranges a meeting with Morden, worried that the destruction of the Narn outpost at Quadrant 37 is attaracting too much attention and concerned the action could be traced back to him. But Morden assures him he is quite safe, with complete plausible deniablity and none of his fingerprints on the attack. He does however ask Londo to keep him informed should he hear about anything odd happening out on The Rim. Under the influence of the alien machine, Garibaldi comes to, which is bad news for Jack, who has been monitoring the channels. You remember Jack? He was Garibaldi's trusted lieutenant, the one who shot him in the back. He obviously fears now that if Garibaldi remembers or knows who shot him that he'll be sunk, so he hurries to Medlab, but luckily for him as the shot was from behind, Garibaldi did not see his would-be assassin.

G'Kar, having spoken to Na'Toth of what he witnessed out on the Rim, convenes the council to tell them of his findings, and tells them that he has convinced his government to send a ship to scan the dark ancient planet called Zha'dum, mentioned in the Narn holy writings as the original base of the dark power he believes is stirring again. But Londo, deeming this to fit the category of "anything strange" that Morden wanted to know about, relays the information back to his shadowy benefactor. Lennier, returning to Delenn's quarters, is perturbed to see that her coccoon is broken open and she is nowhere to be seen. A voice from the shadows calls his name, a voice full of pain and suffering, and he finds Delenn in a corner, shrouded in a robe and when he looks at her face he recoils in shock. He calls Franklin to ask for his help, in the strictest confidence. The doctor finds her skin covered in scales, that seem to flake away as he touches them, and what is underneath? Is it skin? He asks Delenn but she does not know: this is the first time such a thing has been attempted by her people.

Sheridan reveals to his sister that he feels responsible for the death of his wife. They had been supposed to meet and take a holiday but he was too busy, and so she took a post as a science officer on a vessel that was going out to the Rim and this ship was mysteriously destroyed soon afterwards. He blames himself for that, and also hates that he didn't say he loved her on their last communication before she left, which turned out to be their last ever. Garibaldi asks Talia Winters to scan him, so that he can find out who shot him. She tells him that anything she finds out is not admissable in court, but he doesn't care: he just wants to know. And so he sees Jack fire at him, and knows who it was that tried to kill him. He is quickly taken into custody.

Garibaldi discharges himself to personally interrogate the traitor, but Jack is cocky, unconcerned. He tells his ex-boss there is a new order on the rise, and he wants to be part of it. Sheridan gets a call from no less than the President himself, who orders him to have Jack shipped back to Earth, along with any material they have on him. Unable to refuse but upset the investigation is being taken out of his hands, Sheridan complies. The Narn ship sent to investigate Zha'dum is destroyed by one of the spider ships, though it's reported as an accident, and the Narn council will not sponsor another such expedition. G'Kar knows this was no accident, and he thinks he knows who to blame, though he can prove nothing. Delenn rejoins the Council, but she is different. She is now some sort of half-human, half-Minbari hybrid. She says she has done this to become a bridge between the two races, to prevent any other war or misunderstanding occuring, and to bring the two races closer together, heal the wounds both are still suffering.

Later, Elizabeth hands Sheridan a recording which Anna sent to her a week before her death. In it she explains how she was going to take the job on the Icarus before Sheridan cancelled; she would have to postpone the holiday anyway. Sheridan's guilt is released and he gets a chance, finally, to say goodbye and to tell her he loves her. Garibaldi tells Ivanova and Franklin that he suspects Psi Corps may have been involved in the assasination of President Santiago. He thinks they may have wanted a man sympathetic to their aims in office, which may be why they tried to endorse his candidacy for vice president, even though their charter forbids such political lobbying or support. This may be backed up by the fact that the ship taking Jack back to Earth has disappeared, taking all the evidence with it.

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Trollheart

QUOTES
Londo: "How much longer will this council be held hostage to its missing members? Your behaviour is inexcusable!"
Lennier: "Ambassador Delenn remains indisposed."
Londo: "Indisposed! She is in a coccoon!"
Lennier: "Yes?"

Londo: "You see? One deserts his post without explanation and the other picks the most breathtakingly inconvenient opportunity possible to explore new career opportunities, like becoming a butterfly!"

Londo: "Yes, but what if I am asked for another of these little demonstrations?"
Morden: "Then we'll provide it. Simply choose your target. A colony, an outpost..."
Londo: "Why don't you eliminate the entire Narn homeworld while you're at it?"
Morden: "One thing at a time, Ambassador."

Sheridan (about his wife): "Then why do I have to remind myself she's gone? Why when I see something interesting on the news I'll say to myself I must remember to mention that to Anna later? Sometimes I will turn to say something to her; she's not there, but just for a second I don't know why! And then I remember."

Sheridan: "I don't think losing my head of security two weeks into the job is going to look good on my resume!"

G'Kar: "Weep for the future, Na'Toth. Weep for us all."

G'Kar: "I searched for days, going from system to sytem. And then, on a dark deserted world where there should be no life, where no living thing has walked in over a thousand years, something is moving, gathring its forces, quietly, quietly, hoping to go unnoticed. We must warn the others, Na'Toth. After a thousand years the darkness has come again!"

Sheridan: "She said she'd be back before I even noticed she was gone. But she didn't come back, and I've been noticing she's gone every minute of every day ."

Delenn: "What ... am ... I?"

Garibaldi to Jack: "Shooting a senior officer is an act of treason and mutiny. The penalty is Spacing. They put you in an airlock, seal it and open the space door. You spend the next five minutes chewing vacuum till your lungs turn inside out, your eyeballs freeze and your heart explodes. It's the worst kind of death you can imagine. And when that day comes, I'll be there to push the button."

G'Kar: "A human book. I have been studying their literature for a while and I came across this. It would seem they may be wiser than we had thought. Listen: Things fall apart, the centre cannot hold. Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world, the blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere the ceremony of innocence is drowned. And what rough beast, its hour come round at last, slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?" ("The Second Coming, by WB Yeats)

Sheridan: "Gets cold up here sometimes, doesn't it, Lieutenant Commander?"

IMPORTANT PLOT ARC POINTS
DELENN
Arc Level: Orange
The chrysalis is open! Delenn is revealed, and it seems that she has become a sort of hybrid of human and Minbari. She says this is so that she can better understand humans and act as a bridge between them, much as Sinclair is creating another one by living on Minbar. Sheridan, who has no doubt seen Minbari before, is open-mouthed in shock, as is everyone else, save perhaps Kosh, who must know what was going to happen, as Delenn consulted him before she entered the coccoon. Following on from what Lennier said in the last episode, it seems she may have taken the prophecy rather too literally!

THE SPIDER SHIPS
Arc Level: Red
Again we see these, once as smaller ones, perhaps fighters, attacking the retreating Narns as G'Kar tries to lead them to safety at the beginning of the episode, and again when the ship requested by him and sent by his government is destroyed when it goes to investigate the dark planet. Whatever is at Zha'Dum, whoever is responsible for those ships wants to keep it a secret!

DEATH OF A PRESIDENT
Arc Level: Orange
We see further evidence that Clark may have been involved in, or indeed orchestrated the death of his former boss, when he demands that Jack and all the relevant material is shipped home to Earth, whereupon everything seems to vanish as if it never existed.

ANCIENT RACES
Arc Level: Red
G'Kar is convinced that something old and incredibly powerful and evil is stirring back in its old haunts. He's right, and this power will not be the only ancient race to rear its head in the series.

MORDEN
Arc Level: Red
Again we meet the enigmatic Mister Morden, who starts to call in his favours from Londo, asking -- ordering, really --- the ambassador to keep him advised of anything he hears about strange events taking place out on The Rim. It's only due to his squealing to Morden about the Narn ships that they are destroyed, and though G'Kar suspects --- knows, really --- that Mollari has betrayed his confidence, he cannot prove it. Also, he surely finds it hard to believe that, even given their enmity towards one another and the history of their races, that the Centauri would put his own interests before that of the other worlds, of civilisation itself, and side with the darkness? Little does he know how far Londo Mollari will go to realise his ambitions.

PSI CORPS
Arc Level: Red
Again the idea that Psi Corps has its hands on the levers of power in government, even to the point of picking and then ensuring their candidate is put in charge, raises its head. Although the Corps is forbidden to sponsor political candidates it is widely believed that this is exactly what they did, greasing one would assume the right palms or perhaps violating the right minds to make sure they were not caught. The possibility of their being involved in the killing of the previous president is looking more and more likely. Despite Garibaldi's feelings for Talia, he realises she is still Corps and asks her to leave before he outlines his suspicions about the assassination to the others.

Note: On waking from his coma, Garibaldi asks to see the commander. When he hears that Sinclair has been reassigned he is slightly panick-stricken, and the sight of his new commanding officer does nothing to quell that panic, which becomes cold suspicion. He says grimly to Sheridan "I don't know you." For Garibaldi, this is equal to saying "I don't trust you." He will of course learn to trust the captain, but for now he's someone new, and someone new is someone you don't let your guard down with. Not just yet. It's also funny how, since we know his affinity for Daffy Duck cartoons, his first words on waking are "What's up doc?"

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1.5 "Fear of a bot planet"

(Tagline: "Featuring gratuitous alien nudity!")

The crew at are a game. Not baseball, but something called blurn. Basically baseball with some crazy extra rules added. Bender gets annoyed about the subservient role robots play, not just in sport, but everywhere. Before he can get too upset though they are summoned back to the office, and the job is to take a package to a planet run by robots, who are known to kill humans on sight. Because of this, Bender is the only one who can deliver the cargo. Unfortunately, Bender is captured when the other robots somehow find out he works with humans, and it's up to Leela and Fry, dressed rather unconvincingly as robots, to try to rescue him.

When their cover is inevitably blown (what human could convince as a robot for any length of time?) they duck into a movie theatre to throw off the pursuit, and as it lets out find themselves caught up in the Human Hunt! Amazed, they find that the head of the hunt is none other than Bender! Of course he's using the situation to make a fast buck, and human hunts on a planet where there are precisely no humans --- unless you count Leela and Fry --- are particularly pointless, but in addition to that Bender has been feeling mightly cheesed-off about his treatment to date, so it's not too surprising that his sympathies might lie with his fellow robots.

When Bender meets up with them and realises they're on the planet he worries they will be caught, but tells them he does not want to go back to Earth with them. He likes it here. When they are caught, he can do nothing to defend them, having professed hatred for all humans, and made quite a pile of cash out of it. He listens while they're found guilty, and sentenced to live as robots do on Earth, performing menial tasks until they can be replaced with better models. This verdict, however, it turns out, was only for show, as the two humans are dropped into a pit wherein wait the Robot Elders. Handcarved from meteorites by the original robot founding fathers over four hundred years ago, they are the real power on the planet, and they order Bender to execute his friends!

He can't do it of course, and admits that much, if not all, of the propoganda put about concerning humans is incorrect. The Robot Elders tell him they know this, but humans are useful as a scapegoat and to keep people from concentrating on the other political issues on the planet. Fry uses the proprganda to his advantage though, threatening to breathe fire on them, as he has seen in the movie they went to that this is one of the things robots believe --- or have been led to believe --- humans can do. Confused for some moments as to whether humans can actually do this, or if it's something the Elders made up, the robot rulers are distracted long enough for the trio to make their escape. Now there is a real human hunt on, and the robots are about to catch them when Bender throws down the package they were to deliver, which as it happens contains the one thing they have a shortage of here: lug nuts.

Delighted that the famine is over, the robots praise their new human friends as the Planet Express crew fly away from another successful, and safely completed mission.

QUOTES
Zoidberg (at fast food stall): "I'd like a jumbo squidlog please."
Vendor: "We don't sell those."
Zoidberg: "All right, all right! Let me have one of your young on a roll!"
Vendor: "We're outta rolls."
Zoidberg: "Fine! Just give me something crawling with parasites!"
(Vendor hands him a hotdog)

Bender: "Admit it! You all think robots are just machines built by humans to make their lives easier!"
Fry: "Well, aren't they?"
Bender: "I've never made anyone's life easier and you know it!"

Robot guardians: "Which of these would you prefer? A puppy, a flower from your sweetie, or a large properly-formatted datafile? Choose!"

Robot: "What kind of robot turns down an offer of searing hot resin?"
Leela: "Excuse me, my friend and I have to go perform some mindless, repetitive tasks."
Robot: "Uh-huh! Sounds like a romantic evening! I won't keep ya!"

Fry: "But Bender! We're your friends!"
Bender: "Friends? That activates my hilarity unit!"

PCRs

This one is a nerd's Paradise!

On the wall as they enter the robot city is a poster showing a robot dressed as Uncle Sam, with the legend, "I want YOU for the Anti-Human Patrol!"

Another sign, further in, says "Got milk? Then you're a human and must be killed!"

Some construction robots are working on a Tetris-like building. As they lower one section down they get distracted and the rest of the structure vanishes into the ground, to the foreman's groaning annoyance. Just like the game.

When Leela is revealed to be a human (all right, humanoid!) by sneezing, the robot points at her and screams, as happened in the remake of the classic Sci-Fi movie "Invasion of the bodysnatchers."

As the robots pursue the pair, they call in the language used in Robotron, the video game: "Get the humanoid! Get the intruder! Intruder alert!" A joy for those of us who used to play the game.

The signal to get the Human Hunt underway is one of the old Windows start file sounds

The computer judge in Leela and Fry's trial --- who is a computer, an old Mac or something --- hangs in the middle of "Judging" with a message "Sorry, a system error occurred!" and everyone shouts things like "clean the gunk out of the mouse!" "Jiggle the cord!" "Turn him off and on!" "Try control, alt, delete!" and Fry's "Call technical support!"

Again, even the title is a PCR, referring back to Public Enemy's album "Fear of a black planet".

A ROBOT CALLED BENDER
Bender is an advocate for mechanical equality --- though obviously not if it means he has to work as hard as a human! He loathes the fact that robots all do the menial tasks. He asks how many robot managers there are in the blurn Leagues --- which of course is none, though Fry guesses eleven --- and when a tiny robot cleans up the broken bottle he has dropped he snarls "Oh who's this cleaning up my crap? Is it a human child? I wish!"

Nevertheless, when he arrives on the robot planet and sees a chance to make some easy cash (why do robots need money? Anyway...) he grabs it and then decides he wants to stay where robots are in charge, and no humans boss them around. But in the end his friendship with Fry --- and to a lesser extent, Leela --- wins out and he helps them escape. He's known to invent "robot holidays" to get out of work, like Robonza, Robonaka and Robodon; nobody believes they're real and they just indulge him. Why they do is not certain (if you were to take this seriously and not as a cartoon) because he does little work, adds no value and complains all the time. Hardly the model employee!

He's certainly not above becoming something of a zealot when the other robots look up to him for his human-hating, pretending he has killed "a million billion humans", but essentially as we see it's all to push sales of his latest album, "Bender lets loose". When it comes to Bender, cash is most definitely king!

His protestations at being the only one who can deliver the package border on ridiculous, as Leela reminds him this is the only work he's ever been asked to do. Doesn't stop him complaining and grumbling about it though!

1.6 "A fishful of dollars"

(Tagline: "Loading...")
NEW CHARACTERS!

Here we meet Mom, the wealthy industrialist who rules the robotics industry with an iron hand. She presents a different face to the world, that of a kindly old grandmother, but in reality she's a fire-spitting, ball-breaking, chew-em-up-and-spit-em-out hardnosed tycoon, colder than ice and who makes Mister Burns look like a philanthropist. We also meet her three idiot sons, Walt, Larry and Ignar.


This is also the first time we see Scruffy, who we will later learn is the janitor at Planet Express. He's working at this time in "Le Spa", which is --- anyone? --- a spa, and he's giving Bender a backrub with a sander. We're not told who he is at the time, but it's interesting that this is in fact the first time he's shown. Never noticed it before.


Fry finds that advertising has progressed to the point where ads are now directed into the brain, so that they can become part of your dreams, and instil an unconscious desire to buy their product. It's while responding to such not-so-subliminal messages that Fry and his friends are out shopping, while Bender prefers to shoplift. But he gets caught, and the guys are fifty cents short of the money to pay his fine. Fry goes to the bank to get money, and is amazed and delighted to find that, due to compound interest, his meagre savings that he squirreled away in the twentieth century have blossomed into a fortune, and he is now a very rich man indeed.

He takes his friends out to dinner, for pizzas but is annoyed and dismayed that he can't have his favourite topping, as anchovies have been extinct for over eight hundred years now. Coincidentally, this is the time apparently that Zoidberg's race arrived on Earth... Anyway it's while at an auction to buy all the twentieth century relics he can for his new twentieth century apartment that Fry comes across an unopened can as one of the lots. He puts in a big bid, but then Mom appears and a bidding war erupts, with Fry eventually raising the stakes to "One jillion dollars", until he's told there's no such number. In the end he outbids Mom, who gracefully accepts defeat. In public. In reality she's fuming.

The thing is that she wants the anchovies to prevent them being used for their natural oil, which if extracted and synthesised could put her out of business, as the producer of the world's favourite brand of robot oil. She thinks that Fry knows this, but of course he doesn't. She decides to bankrupt Fry, so that he'll have to sell the fish. Having heard that Fry's PIN is the same as the price of a pizzas and soda in Panucci's Pizza, where he used to work, she sends her sons to setup an elaborate reconstruction of the place and convince Fry he's back in his own time.

In reality, it's pretty poorly handled. Larry keeps saying things like "This is a thousand years ago" and "Anchovies aren't extinct yet", which would give anyone with half a brain a clue something wasn't right. But unfortunately for him and fortunately for them, Fry has never possessed anything close to half a brain, and he falls for it. When they bring in Pamela Anderson to order a large pizza and soda (don't ask me why they chose her!) he tells her she owes him ten dollars and seventy-seven cents --- 10.77 --- and then goes on to clinch the award for stupidest person on Earth by unnecessarily mentioning that this figure is the same as his PIN!

With all his money stolen, and back to being poor, Fry is visited by Mom, who offers to buy the anchovies from him. He refuses to sell though, telling her that he is going to put them on a pizza so that his friends can enjoy them. Seeing that he truly doesn't have any designs on her robot oil empire, Mom leaves him to it.



QUOTES
Leela: "Didn't you have ads in the twentieth century?"
Fry: "Well, sure, but not in our dreams. Only on TV and radio, and in magazines, and movies, and at ballgames, on buses, milk cartons and t-shirts and bananas. And written in the sky. But not in our dreams."

Voiceover: "Mom, Love and Screen Door are all registered trademarks of MomCorp!"

Leela: "You're Fry's relative. Do you have any idea why he's so crazy?"
Farnsworth: "Wha? Oh they say madness runs in our family! Some even called me mad! And why? Because I dare to dream of my own race of atomic monsters? Atomic supermen with octagonal shaped heads that suck blood out of..."

PCRs
When Fry tries on the Lightspeed (TM) Briefs, he sees himself as a lot hunkier, and with two girls hanging onto him. Then he looks up and sees on the mirror the warning: "Objects in the mirror are less attractive than they appear". You know where that comes from.

Not really a PCR but it's a funny sign outside the New New York Police Department station: "Ask about our generous brutality settlements!"

Fry puts on a CD of "Big butts" and Leela tells him he can't sit here listening to classical music!

1.7 "My three suns"

(Tagline: "Presented in DoubleVision (where drunk)")

NEW CHARACTER!

Elzar, an alien celebrity chef, is introduced via the cooking programmes that Bender watches, and he will become a recurring character in the show, mostly on the sidelines though. He has four arms, is purple and has a face sort of like a squished hog. His trademark catchphrase is "Let's kick it up a notch! Bam!"

Bender is embarrassed to admit he likes cooking, but is able to put his hobby to good use (sort of) when Hermes tells him that he can't continue getting paid unless he does something within the company, and so he is hired as the official onboard cook. Trouble is, he's terrible. He has no idea how to cook, much less cook for humans. After all, he doesn't eat, or have to eat, so how can he know how to feed people who do? His first meal does not go down as he would have hoped. In the words of the poet in Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy, he was "disappointed" by the meal's reception. But the gang have been sent on a mission to the Galaxy of Terror, and they're already en route, so they have to live with it.

Unfortunately for Fry, the delivery point lies across a baking desert (why they couldn't have landed closer I don't know) and with the almost fatal dose of salt still in his system, it doesn't help that this planet has three suns, so that when one goes down, two more rise! He makes it to the palace of the emperor, where he delivers his package, but while he waits for someone to show up he can't resist the cool, clear bottle of water sitting on the throne, and drains it, only to find that this crazy planet is peopled by beings made entirely of water (why? On a desert world? What kind of evolution is that?) and he has just drunk the emperor!

As a result of the "assassination" of the emperor, Fry is crowned in his place. This seems to be the way the Trisolarans choose their ruler: the one is drunk by the next, and so on. Therefore there seems nothing odd in this very odd method of ascension to power, even if Fry is a human and not made of water. As he prepares for his coronation --- with his new prime minister, Bender, at his side --- he is told he must recite the royal oath flawlessly from memory, or he will be killed. This is not good news for Fry, who can barely remember his own name, let alone a lengthy and ancient oath!

Leela's attempts to convince him that he is in over his head fall on deaf ears, and she loses patience with him, leaving him to his fate. She goes back to the ship, but when the three suns set the Trisolarans see to their dismay that their emperor, whom Fry drunk, is still alive! He demands he be removed from Fry's stomach and rethroned, but that's a problem. With several alternative methods discounted, they settle on trying to make Fry cry him out. But Fry believes he is too macho to cry. It's only when Leela, responding to Bender's request for her help, comes to the rescue that he realises what a friend she is, and when Bender pretends she has been killed he begins to cry. The emperor begins to be removed, but then Fry sees Leela is alive and they have to resort to beating him up to get the tears. In the end the emperor is removed and all is well.

QUOTES
Hermes: "Bender, it has come to my attention that the company has been paying you to do nothing but just loaf about on that couch."
Bender: "You call that a couch? I demand a pillow!"

Fry: "Wow! You guys got every type of meat here, except human!"
Shopkeeper: "What? You want human?"

Fry: "Urrggh! That's the saltiest thing I ever tasted! And I once ate a two pound bag of salt!"

Bender: "There was nothing wrong with that food! The salt level was ten percent below a lethal dose!"

Leela: "Half these emperors were drunk at their own coronation!"
Fry: "Hey, I plan on having a few brewskis myself!"

Leela: "Don't you ever stop to think ahead?"
Fry: "Hell no! If I stopped to think I wouldn't be emperor. I wouldn't even be here in the future. It's just like the story of the grasshopper and the octopus. All through the year the grasshopper kept burying acorns for the winter, while the octopus mooched off his girlfriend and watched TV. Then winter came and the grasshopper died, but the octopus ate all his acorns. Also he got a race car."

Zoidberg: "Relax Fry! I'll simply spin you in a high-speed centrifuge, separating out the denser fluid of His Highness."
Fry: "Won't that crush my bones?"
Zoidberg: "Oh right! Right! With the bones! I always forget about the bones!"

PCRs
As the guys walk through Little Neptune, they pass a shop called a Head Shop. Normally this refers to a shop that sells herbal remedies, shall we say, but this one seems to be actually selling heads in jars, like those in the Head Museum!

A junkie tries to get "Refreshing Crack!" from a vending machine. It stops halfway, not falling down the chute, and he slumps against the machine, beating it forlornly with his fists and crying "Come on, man! Don't hold out on me like this!"

Fry passes a big snail-like alien, says "What up?" to which the alien, sliding by, replies "Word!"

One of the cartons in the shop, alongside types of slug, says "I can't believe it's not slug!"

A ROBOT CALLED BENDER
Anxious to be the cook, and both fulfil his dreams of being a chef while retaining his job, Bender doesn't particularly care how well his food is received. When he goes to buy Neptunian Slug for the dinner, the shopkeeper asks him if he wants yellow or purple and he says he doesn't care. The shopkeeper warns him that the yellow one gives "terrible, nightmarish diarrohea", but Bender probably doesn't even know what that is, and isn't bothered.

He's intrigued to learn that Leela likes his "in your face" attitude, and despite his often dismissive tone with Fry is prepared to call in Leela to help them, knowing it's the only way to save his friend.

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Episode Four

Urquhart has accepted the nomination for leadership of the party, and with only six days to go to the ballot he sets about crippling or removing his rivals. He arranges for a protest to descend on the wheelchair factory where the Health Minister is making a visit, resulting in the accidental running down of someone in a wheelchair, ironically, removing Mackenzie from the running, and moves on to Harold Earle, who was caught some time ago in a compromising position with a rent boy. With two of the less than top runners removed he is left with only two real opponents, Patrick Woolton and Michael Samuels. He can't find anything on Samuels, but he has already laid plans for Woolton.

The first ballot to elect a leader does not prove anything; Urquhart gets a decent showing, but no more so than his two closest rivals, and the vote goes to a second ballot in a week. Roger O'Neill shows up at Francis's office and is clearly close to breaking point. Urquhart tells him to come down to his country house at the weekend and he'll sort everything, while castigating Mattie for having spoken to him and made his job harder. Meanwhile his plans proceed apace, and Patrick Woolton's wife receives the tape recording of his session with Penny. She is disgusted but believes it to be an attempt at blackmail, which could not have come at a worse time, politically.

However when he goes to confront Penny, and she says it wasn't her that sent the tape, he gets a call (at her apartment) from Urquhart, voice heavily disguised, to advise him that pulling out of the leadership race is the only alternative open to him now. He does so, very reluctantly, and gives his support to Urquhart, not because he likes him or because he suspects he was behind the taping, but simply because he hates him less than Michael Samuels. The lesser of two evils, you see. Woolton had already made his feelings clear to Urquhart about Samuels when he was the Chief Whip and sounding him out, so Urquhart knows how much he hates the man. He'd do anything to stop Samuels being PM, and if that means that he has to support and help elevate Francis Urquhart to power, then he'd rather it was him than Samuels!

Thinking about her rebuke at Urquhart's hands earlier, Mattie now wonders how it is that the Chief Whip knew she had contacted Roger O'Neill? He's not, so far as she knows, connected with the publicist, so how could he find out? She starts putting things together, the jigsaw beginning to fall into place, and a horrible suspicion is forming in her mind. Roger comes to visit Urquhart, but when he hears that there is to be no promotion for him in Urquhart's cabinet he loses it, and Urquhart sees he is too loose a cannon to be allowed free. While Roger sleeps in a drunken haze, he takes his bag, cuts his cocaine with rat poison and returns it to him before he awakes.

Urquhart packs him off in a hurry and when later, half-asleep, he pulls off the motorway and takes a hit of his cocaine he is later found dead in the men's room. As Mattie tries to put the pieces together, she keeps discounting Urquhart until she no longer has any choice: the evidence is mounting up and she is now unable to ignore that the man she was having an affair with could do such things. Armed with her frightening new theory, she goes to speak to Urquhart, desperate to hear that she is wrong. She's told by Stamper he's on the roof garden, and rushes up there to meet him. There, she demands the truth, and gets it. Urquhart confesses to everything, and then throws her off the roof. As her body hits, her dictaphone falls out of her pocket, and an unknown hand picks it up.

QUOTES
Urquhart: "Right. Mackenzie, Health. No chance of getting him into a demo at a hospital, I suppose?"
Stamper: "Oh no. He doesn't go to hospitals anymore. Kept getting beaten up by the nurses!"

Mackenzie's PA: "You'll meet Doctor Sinita Bramacheri (sp?), that's the cybernetics engineer who designed the award-winning chair."
Mackenzie (disinterestedly): "Indian, is he?"
PA: "She is a British citizen, Minister, born in Coventry."

Urquhart (in voiceover): "Playing with the hopes and dreams of a daughter; now gentle, now hard. Rebuking and rewarding, chastising and forgiving. The pleasures of a father, of a father of daughters. What greater power is there than that? Why should a man want more? Why should I yearn to be everybody's daddy?"

Stamper (reading): "Health Minister maims cripple in hit and run incident."
Urquhart: "Oh dear, the poor man must have panicked. Right, next."

Urquhart: "Be dreadfully ungentlemanly to bring that up again. And a man's private life should be his private life, surely?"
Stamper: "Yes, on the other hand, getting sucked off for sixpence in a second class compartment is hardly Prime Ministerial beahviour."
Urquhart: "Yes you do have a point there."

Urquhart: "I guarantee you Roger, that come Sunday you'll have nothing to worry about ever again. and that's a promise." This is in fact a chilling presentiment as to what is to come, did Roger but know it, but at least Urquhart will not be accused of not keeping his word.

Roger: "Don't you bloody try to sell me short, you old bugger! After all I've done for you! I lied for you, I stole for you! Oh God! I lost the best girl in the world for you! If you try to leave me stranded in the shit I'll drag you down with me till you're blind and drowned!"

Mattie: "Did you kill Roger O'Neill?"
Urquhart: "Yes."
Mattie: "How?"
Urquhart: "Rat poison. He had to be put down. He's at peace now."
This is twice now that Urquhart has referred to humans, people who got in his way, as animals, as beasts who had to be put down. It's clear he cares nothing for the ordinary man, or indeed anyone other than himself, and possibly his wife. Even in the first episode, we see him as a country gent, shooting birds (pheasants?) on his estate, and the parallel couldn't be clearer: Urquhart is one of nature's hunters, a predator, and Heaven help you if you become his quarry!

Urquhart (to camera): "Something made me turn around. I must have heard her. I had absolutely no chance of preventing her. Yes, I knew her, slightly. She was a very talented young woman. But rather highly strung. She had interviewed me on several occasions. I understand she was very upset about losing her job as political correspondent at a national newspaper." (Here, his speech turns into a radio address as he heads towards Buckingham Palace, ready to take his place as Prime Minister of the country) "Death is always sad, but the sudden and unexpected death of a young and talented person, on the threshold of her career, is especially upsetting."

Urquhart's final soliloquy to camera: "No, I have nothing to say. No. No. Don't you see? I had to do it. How could I have trusted her? You might very well think that. I could not possibly comment."


The real Urquhart
As the series progresses (this is the last in the first chapter but there are two more) we begin to see the mask of quiet respectability and genial humour fall from Francis Urquhart's face, and the monster that lurks behind it begins to tear its way through, blinking harshly in the light, snarling at the world and laughing evilly at how it has conned people.

The first time we really see this is when Urquhart rebukes Mattie for having contacted Roger O'Neill and Penny: she found out more than she was supposed to know, and it has put him in a very difficult position, one he did not expect to be in and one which upsets his plans. But the real face only looks out when Roger comes to see him, and threatens to blow the lid on their arrangement. Urquhart seizes him and growls warningly at him, his words like ice and his eyes like the blazing fires of Hell. All pretence to gentlemanly conduct and restraint is gone, and we can see the bully, the megalomaniac, the man who would be king, who will let nobody --- nobody! --- stand in his way. When he looks into those fearsome eyes, Roger O'Neill must surely fear for his life.

We see the real Urquhart in all his dark glory right at the end, when realising Mattie suspects his crimes, confirming them to her and unable to take the risk that her love for him will ensure her silence, he kills her, throwing her off the top of the roof garden. We can see it actually pains him to do this, and yet he is willing to sacrifice a young life in order to remove any threat to his upcoming coronation as it were. This act, however, will haunt him for the rest of his life, and become one of the things that eventually leads to his downfall.

Power behind the throne
As Urquhart spikes Roger O'Neill's cocaine he seems to talk to the camera, but at the very last, as he slips off his rubber gloves he hands them towards a second pair of hands which accept them; obviously Elizabeth has been watching, observing, and knows exactly what her husband is doing. She quite clearly approves of the murder, not only because she has already stated she does not like O'Neill, but because he is a liability, an impediment to Francis's rise to power, and she, like he, will allow nothing to stand in the way of that. When Roger has gone they share a conspiratorial smile and a kiss: partners in crime. Literally.

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1.2 "Simon"

It's ten years in the past as we open on episode two, and Simon Delaitre is playing bass in a pub rock band, due to be married the next day to Adele. As the band poses for a photograph, a young Lena starts messing on the drumkit, and Simon goes to help show her how to play properly. Adele takes a Polaroid of him with the little girl. Later that night his fiancee tells him she is pregnant but the next day, the day of the wedding, he does not turn up. It appears he has been killed, and Adele's world crashes down. We see, interestingly, that the one who brings her the news is the selfsame police captain that she appears now married to.

Back to the present, and Adele has been shaken by what she sees --- not surprisingly --- as her encounter with a ghost, literally, from her past. Simon, meanwhile, goes to the American Diner where he tries to get some food, but he has little money and the smartarse waiter will not help him, so in frustration he smashes a glass over his head and starts kicking the crap out of him. As he does so, he notices a woman watching him with half-interest, and we can see that it's the woman who was supposed to have burned in Mr. Costa's house. Simon looks at her, runs off.

Julie goes to the police station to see if she can pick up any clues as to whether any small boys are missing, but she does not admit that she has Victor. The officer will not allow her to leave without making a statement, much to her annoyance; she doesn't want to draw any more attention to the mysterious Victor than she has to, but she also feels a duty towards his parents, wherever they may be. Lena is upset that her family seems to be trying to pretend that all is normal, but she will not or cannot or does not want to accept that her sister has come back from the dead.

Simon returns to Julie's flat, asking how long she has been there. She tells him eight years, and when he asks does she know who Simon Delaitre is, and what happened to him, she says she hardly knew Adele and did not know Simon. He leaves, confused. She tells Victor that as far as she can tell nobody is looking for him, but he will not speak. He puts his arms around her though, and she feels a strong connection and a responsibility to the boy, though she can't say why. Adele meanwhile is planning her wedding to the police captain, Thomas, when he gets a call to say that the body of Lucy has been found. She is in fact not dead but not expected to last long. He hurries off, abandoning Adele.

In the church bathroom the sinks all back up with dirty black water, and at the dam the workers observe the slow fall of the water, worry on their faces. On her return to the apartment with Victor, Julie is told by the nosy Miss Payet about the suicide of Mr. Costa. She is shocked, as he was one of her patients, but she doesn't tell her neighbour that. Simon meets Lena in the Lake Pub, and she realises she knows him from somewhere, but it's not until she sees the photograph of her and him, taken ten years ago, that she realises, unbelievably, who he must be. Pierre visits again but Camille is not interested in his spiritual views on her return. Toni, the manager of the Lake Pub, is taken in for questioning by the police on the attack on Lucy Clarsen, and we find that he has been accused of a similar crime in the past, though acquitted. The nature of Lucy's attack is almost a carbon-copy of that crime: the girl was stabbed multiple times and her liver partially eaten. The same has happened to Lucy. Can there be any doubt it's the same man?

Simon goes to visit Adele at her work. Her priest, to whom she has confided about what she saw as the visitation, has encouraged her not to be afraid of him, but to welcome him, and she does, not realising that what she sees before her is not a ghost but a real person. On leaving the library though he is arrested by the police, who have him on CCTV attacking the bartender. A man appears out of the woods and approaches a locked cottage. He breaks the lock and enters. Camille sees her mother embracing Pierre in the garden. This is new to her: she now realises that her parents must have split up. Back at Julie's second-floor apartment, Victor climbs onto the windowledge ... and jumps! When the doctor rushes downstairs to see if he is okay he appears behind her, inside the apartment, smiling from behind the door.

Toni returns to his cottage and finds the lock broken. Inside is a dead dog or wolf, possibly that he has hunted, but when he goes back a moment later the wolf is alive again, and attacks him. He barely gets to his shotgun in time. As he is burying the dead-again dog the man who had come out of the forest appears beside him and shocked, Toni hits him with the shovel, running into the cottage where he barricades the door and begins praying fervently. The other man is banging on and kicking the door, and then suddenly stops. Toni looks out cautiously. All is quiet. Then a shovel hits him and he goes down.

Claire discovers that Camille has left the house; she can't get in touch with Lena either. Lena returns but without Camille. Laure, the police inspector working with Captain Thomas, tells him that Simon Delaitre is, according to their records, dead, and wonders how he managed to fool the system into thinking so. As Toni regains consciousness it becomes clear that the man who has struck him is his brother, Serge. Toni tells him that he died, and Serge looks, as you might expect, confused. Thomas is nonplussed to find that when he gets home the fiancee who was a bag of nerves this morning is now bright and cheerful.

Camille returns home, caustically asking her parents what they thought could possibly happen to her, as she's dead already, but inside she's very upset and confused. Lena tells her about Simon, and that she thinks he is dead also. As Julie gets ready for a shower, we see that there are terrible scars all over her belly...

QUESTIONS?
Leaving aside the big one for the moment, which will pretty much run through the whole series and which won't be answered this season anyway, there are more questions in this episode. If the woman who appeared in Mr. Costa's kitchen did not die in the fire he set, and she is already dead, then unlike zombies of myth fire will not destroy these people. What will? If no remains were found at the fire, did she simply free herself and walk out of the house, leaving no trace? How is it that Victor can jump off a balcony, not hurt himself (yeah, because he's dead, okay I get that) and then reappear inside the building? Can he jump back UP, and is this what he did when Julie went to look for him?

What happened to Toni's brother? Why, on seeing him for the first time, was his instinctive reaction to hit him with the shovel? And is Toni a killer? He says he was acquitted of the crime of the attempted murder of the other woman, but was he guilty? If Lucy is now lying in intensive care of the same wounds, could he be starting his killing spree again? And how does this tie in to the wounds we see on Julie's stomach? Is she the other victim, the one he was accused of trying to murder?

CONNECTIONS

We see here that Adele is planning to marry Thomas, the police captain. There is no confirmation of it, but is Chloe his daughter, or Simon's? She's about nine years old, and that would tally up with when Adele was pregnant with Simon's child. Simon also knows Lena, having helped show her how to play the drums, back when he was alive. The shock of seeing him, exactly as he was ten years ago, not a day older, in that photograph, added to the already massive trauma of dealing with the miraculous return of her dead sister, must be close to pushing Lena over the edge.

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Nine months down the line: An update

While going through my journal and replacing all the images that may have harmful code attached (see my thread in "Announcements" re malware) I noticed that I had written a list of shows I intended to feature here in upcoming months. That was in January (seems so far away now!) and now we're in October, so here's an update on what has been, and has still to be, tackled here.

Key:
Green = Already in progress
Orange = In the pipeline for the immediate future
Red = Not yet planned but definitely intended and under consideration
Black = Decided against
Purple = Added to since the list was originally written

Spooks (UK) --- Drama series concerning MI5, the British Secret Service. One of the most outstanding and inventive spy series ever, with some amazing scenarios and the clear intention of leaving no character safe from being killed off, no matter their popularity or status. Makes "24" look like "Baywatch" at times! 10 full seasons, now finished. Main star: Peter Firth as Sir Harry Pearce.

Farscape (Australia) --- Science-fiction series about an American astronaut who is hurled off course and into a distant part of the galaxy, where he must fight to survive, making alliances and enemies and trying to discover a way home. Features the characters from Jim Henson's Creature Shop, and written by sci-fi legend Rockne S. O'Bannon. 4 full seasons, plus one TV movie to wrap everything up nicely. Completed now. Main star: Ben Browder as John Crichton.

Love/Hate (Ireland) --- Yeah, Ireland! We're proving we can produce some pretty fine drama, none better than this gritty, realistic look at the criminal underworld in Dublin. Not quite the Sopranos, but it's a tough, harrowing drama following the fortunes of a local gang who believe most if not all disputes are handled at the barrel of a gun. Three seasons and counting, last one to date just finished a month ago. Main star: Robert Sheehan as Darren Treacy, who you may know from "Misfits".

Futurama (USA) --- What's not to like? Hilarious animated show from the creator of the Simpsons, set in the thirtieth century, but proving that people don't get any brighter in a thousand years. Great characters including Bender the alcoholic robot, Leela the one-eyed alien and Fry the delivery boy from the 21st century. Seven seasons, despite cancellation after the fifth, and still going strong. Main star: Billy West as Fry.

Sleeper Cell (USA) --- Another show that gave "24" a run for its money, but got little or no press or recognition, Sleeper Cell was a much more pragmatic approach to the idea of terrorist cells in America, with a CIA operative going deep undercover to try to infiltrate one such cell. It was gritty and uncompromising, and didn't feature a countdown clock. Only ran for two seasons, with the last one more than likely to have ended any possibility of future seasons, though there's always hope. Main star: Michael Ealy as Darwyn Al-Sayeed.

The Onedin Line (UK) --- Period drama from the BBC, set in Liverpool in the nineteenth century and chronicling the exploits of the titular James Onedin, from simple sea captain to shipping magnate, against the bustling backdrop of sea trade during the 1860s. A family drama and an action drama, and my all-time favourite show. Ever. Eight seasons, which ran during the 1970s and early 80s. Main star: Peter Gilmore as James Onedin.

The House of Cards trilogy (UK) --- Based on the hugely successful novels of Michael Dobbs, this three-programme series takes a look into the darker corners of the corridors of power, where we see a humble minister in the English government rise to become Prime Minister, and the lengths he will go to in order to keep his hold on power, and prevent his awful past from being revealed to the public. In three parts, as I say, titled in order "House of cards", "To play the king" and "The final cut", this is perhaps one of the most incisive and biting political dramas you are likely to see. Politics laid bare, greed, corruption, murder and powerplays; all the great elements of a Shakespearian tragedy, without the boring archaic English references. Main star: Sir Ian Richardson (RIP) as Francis Urquhart.

Robin of Sherwood (UK) --- The tale of the archer from the Greenwood has been told many times, often badly, sometimes well, but nobody ever got it as spot-on as HTV's "Robin of Sherwood". Mixing pagan magic, legend and historical fiction with just the right amount of drama and a touch of humour, this show still stands as the yardstick against which all future shows regarding Robin Hood would be measured, most if not all falling far short. With a mesmerising soundtrack by Irish band Clannad, the celtic influence in Robin of Sherwood can't be overstated. Three seasons in total. Main star: Micheal Praed (and later, Jason Connery) as Robin.

Brimstone (USA) --- So you think "Reaper" is original, do you? Well, a decade before that was even on the drawing board, "Brimstone" was running, with its premise of returning a cop who has died and gone to Hell, in order to capture a bunch of souls who have escaped too, and return them to the Pit. Should he succeed, he will be brought back to life. The series only ran for one season before being cancelled, a fact that has always stuck in my throat, as I consider it one of the best series ever made. Main star: Peter Horton as Ezekiel Stone, though really it's John Glover as the Devil who steals the show.

Lilyhammer (Norway) --- Whoever had the inspired idea of taking a Mafia criminal from the US and transplanting him to a little town in Norway deserves a reward, because the whole fish-out-of-water series is hilarous, endearing, enthralling and engaging as Frank "The Fixer" Tagliano becomes Giovanni "Johnny" Henriksen, and tries to settle down in Lillehammer, but soon starts shaping life in the sleepy town to the sort of thing he's used to, running into trouble with the local law and becoming once again a big fish in a very small pond. Only the one season so far, but another is promised. Main star: Steve Van Zandt as Frank/Johnny (Yeah, that one!)

Game of Thrones (USA) --- Do I need to talk about this? George RR Martin's book cycle, "A song of ice and fire" comes to the TV screen with graphic sex and violence, a warts-and-all series that pulls no punches in any way, and was probably, when it was screened at the time, the best thing on telly anywhere. Find anyone --- even someone not into fantasy --- who hasn't seen it, and I'll send you a million Euro. Okay then, one Euro. Seriously, I'm sure everyone watched this. Two seasons to date as we wait for the third to start in a few months time. Main star: Sean Bean as Neddard "Ned" Stark.

True Blood (USA) --- Vampires in the deep south! Based on the novels of Charlaine Harris, this series follows the adventures of a vampire and his lover in the sleepy litlte town of Bon Temps, Louisiana, as each learns the other's secrets and evils both small and apocalyptic threaten their home town. Graphic and violent with a ton of sex, it's another one that most people have probably seen. Now moving into its sixth season. Main star: Anna Paquin as Sookie Stackhouse.

The New Statesman (UK) --- Comedy legend Rik Mayall puts on a straight face and yet manages to pull of some of his funniest moves in a series lampooning the Conservative Party and politics. Mayall is Alan Beresford B'Stard, a right-wing Tory politician who will stop at nothing to get his way. Money is what he craves, and women. And power. His machinations are just breathtakingly satirical, and he plays the part with a machivellian delight you would have thought not to see from the man who brought us such characters as Ritchie Rich and Rick from the Young Ones. Four seasons, with two special extra episodes. Main star: Rik Mayall as Alan Beresford B'Stard, MP.

Rome (UK/USA)--- Brutal retelling of the time of gladiators and senators, emperors and wars, as two ex-gladiators try to make their way through their tough lives while getting tangled up in historical events. The show was noted for not only its explicit violence (probably a precursor to the likes of "Spartacus" series) but also for the fact that its main characters were all loosely based on real figures of ancient antiquity. Rome ran for two seasons only. Main star(s): Kevin McKidd as Lucius Vorenus and Ray Stevenson as Titus Pullo.

Blood Ties (Canada) --- Another vampire series, this follows something that would become a bit of a trend and had already started with another Canadian series, "Forever knight", in that it features a vampire who assists the main character in her police work. It only ran for the two seasons, was pretty much blasted by the critics, and yet they loved the vastly inferior and quite similar "Moonlight"? Main star: Christina Cox as Victoria "Vicki" Nelson.

Life on Mars/Ashes to ashes (UK) --- One of the most inventive and interesting shows of the period, "Life on Mars" follows present-day cop Sam Tyler as he is somehow sent back in time to the seventies, where not only does he have to deal with "old" cop behaviour, but he must also ascertain if this is all a dream, and if so, how he can wake up? The followup series, "Ashes to ashes", did not feature Sam but concentrated on his workmates back in the 1970s, concentrating on his old boss. "Life on Mars" ran for two seasons, "Ashes to ashes" for three. Main star: (LoM) John Simm as Sam Tyler (A2A) Phil Glenister as Gene Hunt.

Spaced (UK) --- One of the few times when I will break my rule about comedy shows (yes, I know I said "The New Statesman" and "Futurama" are already being featured, but that's different!), I had to include one of the cleverest and seminal comedies of the very late nineties, with more pop culture references than you can throw a sealed, boxed collector's edition figurine of Boba Fett at, Spaced was the creation of then-unknown but now iconic cult star Simon Pegg and Jessica Stevens, both of whom also starred in it. It ran for two seasons.

La Femme Nikita (Canada) --- Not the current "Nikita", which is a remake/follow-on, this is the original series, based on the film, which ran up until 2001 and features Nikita, a vagabond who lives on the street and is involved in a murder, after which she finds herself in an odd organisation called Section, who train her to be an assassin and fighter, and for whom she carries out covert operations. Ran for five seasons. Main star: Peta Wilson as Nikita.

Homeland (USA) --- Based on the Israeli series "Prisoner of war", Homeland tells the tale of a soldier who is discovered alive, having been held in captivity in hostile territory by Al Qaeda, and who is feted as a war hero on his return home. But the soldier has been turned, and is working for the enemy. Only one person suspects the truth, and she is shrugged off by her superiors as she is known to have a history of mental problems. Homeland just won the Emmy for best drama a few days ago, and is currently finished its second season, with a third in the pipeline. Stars: Damian Lewis as Nicholas Brody.

Ultraviolet (UK) --- Never has the subject of vampires been treated more clinically on TV. Never called vampires, but rather "Code Fives", they are hunted by a special squad of crack police formed to pursue vampires. However, one of the men on the team has, unbeknownst to all but his best friend, become a vampire himself... Ran for just the one season but was highly acclaimed. Main star: Jack Davenport as Detective Sgt Micheal Colefield.

24 (USA) --- Again, everyone is likely to know, or know of this series, which star Kiefer Sutherland and really restarted his career as the hard-as-nails Counter Terrorist Jack Bauer, who each season has to face a threat to America's security in a desperate race against the clock. 24 was innovative in its use of (apparently) real-time events, so that each episode was one hour in the twenty-four hours Bauer has to save the world, and the clock would regularly tick down onscreen as time began to run out. Series ran for eight seasons.

The booth at the end (Canada) --- An incredibly inventive and thoughtful series, which features "the man", who sits in, you guessed it, the booth at the end of a cafe. If you have a problem, go to him and he will ask you to do something, whereafter your problem will cease. But beware: he will not give you an alternative, you must do what he asks if you want your wish to come true. For some clients, it's as simple as a phone call. Others may have to build a bomb and set it off in a public place. According to him, even he doesn't know what the request is going to be, but it's not negotiable. Two seasons so far. Main star: Xander Berkeley as "The Man".

Hustle (UK) --- Welcome to the world of the con. These guys can make you part with your cash, no matter how hard it may seem. A team of grifters who don't know the meaning of the word "impossible", Hustle is a sassy, hip series that shows up the innate greed of humanity and how easy it is to use that greed to separate people from their possessions. Ran for eight seasons. Main star: Adrian Lester as Micky Bricks/Michael Stone.

Taken (USA) --- Nothing to do with the action movie starring Liam Neeson (or indeed, the second action movie, also starring Liam Neeson!) this is Steven Spielberg's sprawling drama chronicling the lives of three familes, who are all influenced one way or another by the arrival of aliens. The series runs over generations, and is in fact a miniseries, therefore just the one season. Main star: Joel Gretsch as Owen Crawford.

Hell on wheels (USA) --- Telling the story of the building of the railroad across America, and the people who were involved in it, Hell on wheels is set in the 1860s and features such themes as racial segregation, anti-Indian sentiment, greed, power and betrayal. Two seasons so far, with a third due. Main star: Anson Mount as Cullen Bohannon.

Tripping the rift (Canada) --- A gloriously irreverent, sexy and totally politically incorrect space comedy animation, Tripping the rift began life as two short internet cartoons and soon grew to a whole series. The show is based loosely around sci-fi precepts but just refuses to take itself seriously and is probably the most fun you can have while still dressed or sobre. Ran for three seasons. Main star: Stephen Root as Chode McBlob.

Forever Knight (Canada) --- Already mentioned, this follows the exploits of vampire Nicholas Knight, who in regret for his life of murder and mayhem as one of the undead seeks to atone by working for the police. He also hopes to become human again. The series ran for three seasons, and was one of the better vampire/cop crossover shows. Main star: Geraint Wyn Davies as Nicholas Knight.

Poltergeist: the Legacy (Canada) --- Nothing really to do with the horror movies of the same name, Poltergeist: the Legacy concerns the activities of a shadowy group called the Legacy, who battle supernatural evil in all its forms. Intensely mature for its time, with a very dark subtext, it's one of the best shows you've never seen. Ran for four seasons, despite being initially cancelled after the third. Main star: Derek de Lint as Derek Rayne.

Boardwalk Empire (USA) --- The prohibition era comes to life in the latest gangster show to hit the TV screens. Set in Atlantic City in the 1930s, the show follows the life of mobster Enoch "Nucky" Thompson and his cohorts as they run illegal alcohol into the city during "the dry years", using every method at their disposal to thwart the authorities as well as their rivals. Tough and violent with a soundtrack endemic to the time, it's currently in its third season and to be renewed for a fourth. Main star: Steve Buscemi as Nucky Thompson.

Sons of Anarchy (USA) --- Called "The Sopranos on motorcycles", it's far better than that comparison. The inhabitants of Charming, California are "protected" by the local Hell's Angels chapter, the SAMCRO, or Sons of Anarchy, who run everything from guns, drugs, prostitution and booze to keep their profit margins fat. There are however divisions among the club, with the younger generation wondering if the time has not come to have a go at being more legit? Currently in its fourth season, and already renewed for a fifth and sixth, with the real possibility of a seventh and final being commissioned. Main star: Charlie Hunnam as Jackson "Jax" Teller.

Burn Notice (USA) --- One of the funniest, smartest and slickest drama shows ever to hit the screens, Burn Notice takes us inside the world of the spy, as a disgraced agent tries to supplement his income by taking on freelance jobs while also trying to find out who "burned" him, that is, blacklisted him with the CIA. In its sixth season, with a seventh due. Main star: Jeffrey Donovan as Michael Westen.

Les Revenants (The Returned) (France) --- In a quiet small French village, a young girl who was killed in a bus crash four years ago arrives back in her hometown, and soon, other dead people begin walking the streets too.. One season so far, with another due in 2014.

Mayday (UK) --- A murder/mystery with a difference, set in a quiet rural English town. When the Queen of the May is brutally killed every male in town seems to have something to hide. But who is the killer? Self-contained, one season.

The West Wing (USA) --- Multi-Emmy winning series set in the White House, chronicling the events that shape the lives of those who serve the President of the USA. Martin Sheen stars. Seven seasons in all.

Frasier (USA) --- One of the cleverest comedies ever to hit US TV, teh spinoff from "Cheers" sees psychiatrist Frasier Crane head for a new life in Seattle, but much of the baggage he left behind is about to catch up on him...Eleven seasons total.

The Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy (UK) --- Cult Sci-fi comedy series, perhaps the first to ever look at science-fiction in a, well, seriously funny way. Just the one season.

The Apprentice (Various) --- Reality show in which budding entrepreneurs get a chance to work for Donald Trump (US version), Lord Sugar (UK version) or Bill Cullen (Irish version), performing various tasks each week until all but one are eliminated and that one is chosen as the winner. Various, still on the go. UK version now ten seasons, US version thirteen, Irish four.

Romanzo criminale (Italy) --- Italy's answer to "The Sopranos". The tale of a young man who rises to become a crime godfather, the things he does to get and maintain power, and his eventual fall from grace. Two seasons.

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Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018