Trollheart

1.6 "Lesser of two evils"

A known IRA terrorist comes to one of MI5's safehouses, with important information which he is prepared to exchange . He mentions Asabiyah, an Al Quaeda splinter group working out of Sudan, and against Harry's better judgement they agree that Tom should go to meet him, to see what he knows, if it's credible. Patrick McCann, the IRA man, tells Tom that they have got wind of a possible attack on one of Britain's nuclear power stations, Sefton B, by the Sudanese movement and asks for thirty hours non-surveillance, for the security forces to turn a blind eye to what the IRA are doing --- "conductin' a little business", as he says --- for that length of time. In return, he'll pass on the full details of the planned attack.

Harry is dubious. McCann has assured Tom that the "business" he speaks of is not a terrorist attack, but how to trust a man to whom killing is second nature and who hates the British? He has mentioned that this nuclear attack threatens Ireland too, his homeland being in the line of fire and likely to be as badly affected as Britain if the plan succeeds, but Harry thinks the whole story is concocted as a way to get the security forces to allow the IRA free rein for their operation. He vetoes the deal Tom has tentatively made with McCann, telling him that the IRA man is now under surveillance. He is more worried about what the dissidents are going to do on his homesoil than about some phantom threat to a nuclear power plant. Nevertheless, he gets Zoe and Danny to check the viability of such a thing.

Tom, incensed when he learns that he has been duped, goes over Harry's head and keeps the meeting. Harry is of course furious, the moreso when he finds that the "business" McCann is talking about is an attack on a train station at rush hour. When Tom challenges McCann he snarls that they are at war, and warns him not to interfere or he won't get the information he needs to stop the nuclear plant attack. Tom concocts a plan to fool Harry into thinking they are carrying out his orders, stopping the train station bomb, but in reality they are trying to find out all they can about the other attack.

They manage to force closure of the station by pretending the roof is unsound and advising it could be a serious risk. The bomb goes off but there are no casualties. Harry of course soon rumbles the ruse and is again not happy, but Tom's team have confirmed the make of rocket launcher stolen that could be used against the power plant, and more worryingly, it's shoulder mounted. When he calms down Harry accepts that Tom, Zoe and Danny did the right thing, and now they need the information on how and when that weapon is intended to be used.

Tom goes to keep the rendezvous with McCann but is captured, however the IRA don't kill him, but hand over the information they promised they would. The area around Sefton B is evacuated, another hoax story, this time about an outbreak of foot-and-mouth disease, and with the information they now have MI5 set about trying to find the two terrorists who have been picked up on CCTV already in the country. At the last moment they're caught and shot, and the danger is averted.

Harry calls Tessa in, tells her he knows about the phony payoffs. She counters by saying she knows he has secrets he would not want brought out into the light. She tries to blackmail him, but he calls her bluff and she is fired. Back at the house, Tom receives a call from McCann, apologising that there is C4 explosive in the laptop he gave him with the details of the planned nuclear station attack. Trouble is, Tom is now outside his house, inside which Ellie and Masie are making cakes, and the new high-tech security door can only be opened with the special passcard, which he has not taken with him and which Masie has got chocolate all over, so it won't work.

Stuck inside the house, with all the alarms set and no way to get out, Ellie gets the laptop and Danny talks her through disarming the bomb, but there is no time. Tom looks in the window helplessly as the police team pulls back to get away from the blast zone.


Harry's World
As Special Branch rush to intercept and arrest McCann, Harry mutters "He'll be long gone by then, and all we'll be left with is the smell of sulphur!"

"Tom, we all know that the word of the IRA is about as permanent as a fart in a wind machine!"

When he suggests killing McCann and Tessa snaps "This isn't Guatamala!" he smirks "Let me rephrase for faint hearts: we bring about a curtailment of his continuing existence through proxy!"

Harry talks about his experiences while serving in Ireland:
"I was in Ireland in 1978. My best friend was a man called Bill Crombie. One day we found ourselves in a rebel pub, looking for an IRA brigade commander. Terrible mistake. I left, he stayed. Bravado. They shoved him in the boot of a car; I could do nothing. I had no field telephone, no weapon. They dumped his body two weeks later. Very hard to identify a body, most of which has been burned away with a blowtorch. The brigade commander's name was Patrick McCann."

After Zoe tells him it's over: "Tom made the mistake of telling me that after his first probation and I'll tell you what I told him, Zoe: it's never over. You may dance with the devil but it's always to his tune."

To Tessa, when he finds out about her phantom agents: "I'm sorry Tessa; I know the service's traditional approach to wrongoers is to smother them with kindness, but I'm going to throw you to the wolves."

The "Need to know"
Of course, word that the nuclear power station is under threat would instigate mass panic, so MI5 spread a cover story involving an outbreak of foot-and-mouth disease, which enables them to evacuate the area and isolate the plant. Understandable, but makes you wonder how many of these stories we hear in real life of gas leaks and so forth are the whole truth?

Also, when Tom's house is about to be blown sky-high the neighbours are evacuated with the story that there is a gas leak. The sudden influx of police gives the lie to that, but then, when the police say, get out, it's usually best to follow their orders.


The mind of a terrorist
McCann: "They do what I think they're going to do, most of Ireland's uninhabitable for the next two hundred years, not to mention everything north of Bristol. Nobody would miss Wales.." McCann is forced into a compromise with the old enemy, because for once what threatens the Brits also threatens his beloved Ireland. It's a pact with the devil. On both sides.

McCann, on the discovery of the planned IRA attack: "We're at war with Britain. There's no such thing as terrorism in wartime. We're striking back, right at your throat. We've had enough of words, we're back in business in a big way. The rules have changed, the gloves are off."

Family
Desperate to keep his lover and her daughter safe, Tom has had the house upgraded to the very latest security system, and entices Ellie back. After the falling out last episode it seems Ellie is prepared to forgive him and moves back in. But fate has a very dark joke to play on Tom, when the laptop he got from the IRA turns out to have been rigged with explosives, and thanks to the high-tech security system both Ellie and Masie are trapped in the house, unable to escape as the countdown timer on the bomb ticks down to oblivion.

Although Harry sees most of his people as an extended family, he is, as we have seen, prepared to be the strict father where required, and with Tessa her avarice is probably not as bad as the fact that she tried to pull the wool over Harry's eyes --- well, succeeded in doing that actually. If it hadn't been for Zoe squealing on her Tessa would still be pocketing payments to agents who don't exist. When Tessa fights back and threatens to blacken Harry's good name, he calls her bluff and has her removed from the building. It surely hurts, and he probably feels betrayed, but in another way he may he relieved, because it seems clear that Tessa was always going to be looking to take his job, either when he got promoted or by having him removed one way or the other. She's an ambitious woman, and at MI5, ambition can be deadly.

The Shock Factor
Can only be the final scenes, where, in the season finale, with everything tied up neatly, a horrible twist in the story leads to Tom losing the two people most dear to him, and knowing that it was his fault. He asked Ellie to come back to the house, he had the new security system installed, which ironically ended up making the house not their sanctuary but their tomb. We don't even know if Tom escapes, or stays there with Ellie and Masie as the bomb goes off: there are about forty seconds left as the scene fades out with him looking in the window at the two girls. And in Spooks, you can take nothing for granted.

Notes on the first season
Now that we've seen the first six episodes and come to the end of the first season of Spooks, it's clear that it was no ordinary spy drama. The simple fact that it ran for ten seasons alone is proof of that. Although not as fickle as US television networks, BBC have been known to dump more than one concept that, if left to bed in, could have been real moneyspinners and ratings successes, so that fact that Spooks received such support from the network is in itself indicative of how great a series it was.

One of the few shows to do things like have its major characters killed off, as we will see in future seasons, turn things around and make it so that the good guys did not always win, Spooks was a series where, appropriately, the lines were always blurred and everything existed in multi-layered shades of grey. Already one major character has gone (Tessa) and two peripheral characters, Ellie and her daughter who, while not important to the main plotline, were the most important thing in the life of one of the most important characters. With these "reality anchors" gone, how will Tom respond? Will he go after the IRA, seeking revenge for their deaths? Will he leave the service, mindful that it was his job that led to those deaths? Did he stay there, outside the house, choosing to die with the people he loved?

One thing is certain. As the series progresses, it will be a brave man or woman indeed who predicts what will happen next, for in Spooks, the unexpected, the inconceivable, the unbelievable and the dreaded are all just part of another average day at the office.

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Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018

Trollheart

1.7 "Baa baa black sheep"

B'Stards's worst fear has come to pass: he has been deselected as the Member of Parliament for Haltemprice. His refusal to engage with his constituents, ask questions in the House or basically do any of the work expected by an MP has led to Roland, Sarah's father and head of the local Conservative party, finally deciding he's had enough, and B'Stard will be out on his ear as soon as he can arrange it. There is however a one-month window before the next meeting of the Party, and Roland can't officially do anything before making the motion --- which will be carried, as he wields power with an iron fist --- leaving Alan time to try to do something to enhance his reputation and curry favour with the party. It doesn't prove that easy though, and he's running out of options when Norman, his transformation to female almost complete now, comes up with the winning idea.

A chain of fast food diners in the USA, Lamb Burger Guzzler, wants to open two hundred outlets in the UK. If Alan can get them to situtate their factory in Haltemprice, he'll be so popular that Roland won't dare deselect him. Only one problem: why would they choose his constituency over the many other sheep-rearing districts in Yorkshire, never mind the rest of the country? Well, Norman (Norma?) tells him, the owner of the chain, Willoughby Guzzler, is a strict Christian fundamentalist. As the only other place suitable from an economic point of view is Wales, B'Stard must convince Guzzler that due to his hedonistic lifestyle, Welsh Secretary of State Garonwe Hopkins would be an unwise choice for business partner.

He begins to compile dirt on the man, getting the lowdown from Sir Stephen about a scandal Hopkins was involved in with an exotic dancer, for which he ended up taking the blame himself. The old politician therefore has something of an axe to grind with Hopkins, which helps Alan. He invites Hopkins to his club, where he introduces him to Norma(n), who has to play the part of a vamp if he wants the ten grand he needs to complete his sex change operation. One thing leads to another, but when he discovers literally what is up Norma's skirt, Hopkins' heart gives out and he dies just as Alan bursts in with his camera, all ready to blackmail. Well, at least his rival has been removed, just more permanently than he had intended.

And so he sets up a meeting with Guzzler, but even with the competition out of the way it's still going to be a slog. Guzzler invites him to dinner tomorrow to discuss it --- him and his wife. When it looks like he's not married, Guzzler intimates this could blow the deal, and Alan, unable to trust Sarah, drafts Norma(n) in as his wife! Later he talks to Roland, who is looking very much forward to deselecting him, and B'Stard asks him about the possibility of selling him his sheep farming business, as he will need an alternative source of income once he is booted out of the Tory camp. Roland is incredulous, but remarks that he's finding it hard to make a living from farming sheep these days, and as B'Stard is happy to pay over the odds, Roland's greed wins out. At the dinner, Guzzler and his wife make improper suggestions to Alan and Norma, but they resist and it turns out that the American was testing them, to see were they righteous. Having heard a lot of bad press about Alan, Guzzler wanted to know if he really was a God-fearing man, and Alan has proven he is.

So Guzzler will build his factories in Haltemprice, B'Stard will be a hero and Roland will be unable to deselect him. Better yet, as he has managed to convince the old man to sell up his sheep farming business to him, Roland is going to be fuming at missing out on the Lamb Burger deal, from which he would have made a fortune, which will now be going into the pockets of his hated son-in-law!

QUOTES
Sarah: "Daddy! Lovely to see you! Staying for lunch?"
Roland: "No thank you, not hungry. Just chewed up and spat out your husband. I'm going now but it's him who's on the way out!"

B'Stard: "This is politics, not real life!"

Sarah: "But you're forgetting something, darling. I loathe and despise you: why would I help you?"
Alan: "Well, because I pay for all this sexy lingerie."
Sarah: "It is sexy, isn't it? Turning you on?"
Alan: "Well, as Kipling probably said, down in the jungle, something stirred."
Sarah: "Oh darling, I'm sorry if I'm giving you a Rudyard-on! But let's not spoil a perfectly stable marriage by trying to reintroduce sex into it!"

Cop: "Sorry Sir but there's a lady outside, says she's got an appointment."
B'Stard: "What's she look like?"
Cop: "Well, I suppose you could say she looks like something out of "Dallas"."
B'Stard: "Ooh! You mean Sue Ellen?"
Cop: "No Sir, I was thinking more of JR!"
(Nobody under 20 years old will get that reference...)

B'Stard: "Wait a minute! There must be dozens of places where they breed sheep --- not including the Cabinet!"

Sir Stephen: "Garonwe developed a nasty cold, so his doctor ordered him to go to bed and suck a Fisherman's Friend." Cue disbelieving looks from B'Stard...

Alan (reading the Bible): Thou shalt not what?" Laughs evilly.

Alan: "The Welsh are essentially a pagan race, only drawn to Christianity by the prospect of a good sing-song!"

Guzler: "My little Edie says The family that stays together, stays together! We make lousy mottos, but great burgers!"

Alan: "Norma is a one-man woman."
Norma: "In every possible way!"

Alan: "Lamb of God?"
Norma: "He means Jesus."
Alan: "Who?"
Norma: "Jesus."
(Alan looks blank)


MACHINATIONS
This time the two things mesh perfectly: Alan's sense of self-preservation with his ever-present greed and desire to make even more money. Not only that, there's an extra up side for him, when he cheats his nasty father-in-law out of a big cash windfall by convincing him to sell him his sheep farming business, just as Lamb Burger Guzzler set up in Haltemprice, a virtual goldmine that B'Stard now owns. In an attempt to save himself he manages to destroy his only rival, makes himself a hero in the constituency, bringing investment and employment to the area, thereby becoming indispensable to the party and thwarting Roland's plans to deselect him. He also manages to hurt Sarah by ripping off her father. The best of all worlds.

THE USER AND THE USED
NORMAN/NORMA
The last time we will see him/her, I suppose you could say in a way Norma(n) has not been totally used. For one thing, as Alan's accountant he's been responsible for, as he says himself in an earlier episode, thirty or forty accounting errors, so he's no angel. Plus B'Stard is paying him for his sex change operation in return for playing the role he does. Nevertheless, he involves him in a plot with leads, inadvertently, to the death of the Welsh MP and then later bullies him into pretending to be his wife. Alan knows there is no way Willoughby Guzzler will site his factories here if it turns out the Haltemprice MP is single, and he also knows that Sarah would delight in putting him down and spoiling the deal --- she knows too much about him and is all too willing to share ---- so he considers the transforming Norman the best bet, even if it must make him sick to his stomach, Alan B'Stard being a real dyed-in-the-wool bigot. As he says in a later episode, "I hate queers almost as much as I hate poor people!"

WHAT IS LOVE?
SARAH
Of course we've seen by now that Alan and Sarah's marriage is one of complete convenience, and stands only on the twin pillars of Alan's need to retain his seat in the House of Commons and Sarah's equally vital need to shop. They seem to have reached some sort of a compromise, but according to Sarah do not have sex any more. Well, not with each other. This arrangement will get harder to maintain as the seasons go on, and love, if it has not already, will certainly turn to hate, at times psychopathic.

It could even be Sarah's idea --- though I doubt it --- to have Alan deselected. Thinking about it, very unlikely. Without his seat, though Alan must by now have squirelled away millions, he would have no reason to keep Sarah around and would divorce her like a shot, and without the money she needs to, as he later says, "assault Harrods", she would wither and die. Still, she doesn't seem particularly worried when he tells her of her father's plans. Perhaps she realises that her cunning husband is a match for even the Chairman of the local branch of the Conservative Party.

SIDEKICK
No, no role whatsoever for Piers in this episode! He doesn't appear in it even once. But never fear: you'll see plenty of him in season two!


THE B'STARD BODYCOUNT
Add another to Alan's list, which will only grow with time. This time it's literal, as he causes, however unintentionally, the death of Garonwe Hopkins from a heart attack. Though he didn't mean it, and had only meant to blackmail the man, force him to retract his bid for the factories, he doesn't seem in the least bothered by what has happened. Just another body on the trail to power.

Non-Lethal
Unnamed cabby:I didn't include it in the last episode because I was debating ... okay. I forgot about it. But now that I have remembered I've been debating as to whether or not to include the cabby in that episode. At first it seemed like B'Stard had killed him --- accidentally, which is surprising enough for the Tory: when he wants someone dead it's usually intentional --- but then it turns out he's not dead. However, at the end of the episode B'Stard does manage to convince the police that the driver had taken him prisoner, kidnapped him and driven him off, and the innocent cabby is arrested. One would assume he will be charged, and likely lose his job as a taxi driver, and probably be banned from driving if he is not imprisoned. So that's a life basically ruined, so let's include him.

Roland Gidley-Parke, Local Chairman of Conservative Party and Sarah's father: I'd also include Roland, whose life he has somewhat turned upside down. He's made himself the blue-eyed boy (literally) of the Tory Party and ensured Sarah's father can do nothing to remove him, and in addition he's dealt a crushing financial blow to him by purchasing his sheep farming business at just the right time. Indeed, we will see Roland no more, so it may be that he withdrew from politics rather than have to face B'Stard's smug grin of victory.

Lethal
Garonwe Hopkins, Welsh Secretary of State. Dies of a heart attack brought on by the realisation that the one-night-stand B'Stard has arranged for him is in fact a man, Norman, his accountant who is going through a sex-change.

Non-Lethal Bodycount: 5
Lethal Bodycount: 1
Total Bodycount: 6

(I must admit, I'm a little surprised to find the Bodycount so low at the end of the first season. Still, I know the kind of guy B'Stard is and that figure will quickly mount up once season two gets going.)

Notes on the first season
We've seen from the beginning, the very first scene in fact, that Alan Beresford B'Stard is a man who lets nothing stand in the way of his ambition, his greed and his sexual appetites. He has divorced his wife in all but name, but uses her when it suits him. In fact, he uses and manipulates everyone around him, not least his so-called best friend Piers, who is so under Alan's charismatic spell that he finds it hard not to obey him. He is not by any means a brilliant politician, often stealing other people's ideas, as when he ripped off Sir Stephen's speech to get his gun law through, or used his name to get Lady Bottomley to allow him publish her pamphlet. When things go wrong he has a knack of turning the blame on anyone he can, usually Piers. When the investment opportunity in St. Martin's goes belly-up he promotes Piers to treasurer so that his friend can carry the can, and when he's trying to dispose of the body of the cabbie and Piers refuses to help he makes out that it's all Piers' fault.

But things generally do seem to go his way and his machinations, schemes and plans usually seem to turn out how he expected. Perhaps the devil looks after his own. Often they don't of course, as in the example above about the bank, but in the end it would appear that B'Stard could fall into a vat of shit and come up smelling of roses. What we've seen of him here has been mild, and the bodycount will begin to rise steeply as we get to know him better. His schemes will become more and more daring and machiavellan, culminating in ... but no. Why spoil the surprise?

Just don't trust those baby blue eyes for one moment, and never ever turn your back on B'Stard, unless you want to feel a sharp pain between your shoulder blades!

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Trollheart

2.1 "In my time of dying"

The driver of the truck that smashed into the Impala at the end of season one jumps out, approaches the wrecked car and smiles, but moments later the blackness leaks out of his eyes and we can see that he was possessed, and is now shocked at what has happened. A short time later a helicopter airlifts the Winchesters to hospital. Dean awakes in the hospital, takes in his surroundings and goes for a walk. It's only when he sees that the receptionist is completely ignoring him, returns to his room and sees himself lying on the bed that he realises the awful truth.

Sam watches the body of his brother as the doctor tells him there is a lot of brain damage and there's a high probability that Dean may never wake up. Dean, watching from outside his body, snaps at Sam: "Come on! Find some hoodoo priest and lay some mojo on me!" Funnily, and cleverly, Sam later tells his father, who is busted up but otherwise okay, "I'll find some hoodoo priest and lay some mojo on him!" Worried more, it would seem, about the missing Colt, John sends Sam to find it, but his younger son tells him he already has Bobby working on it. John gives him a list and tells him to make sure Bobby gets the items on it for him. And to be careful.

However, when he is handed the list Bobby looks confused. John had said the items were for protection, but Bobby is not convinced, and Sam wonders if there is something else going on? As Dean watches in disbelief while his father seems not to lift a finger to call someone to try to help him, he is startled by another spirit which whooshes by, and following it he comes across a woman choking, but being insubstantial and invisible to everyone he cannot raise the alarm. Sam returns, and despite Dean's desperate attempts to alert him to what is going on, his younger brother seems more interested in why their father intends to summon a demon, rather than seek protection from one? That's what the items on the list are for: John says he has a plan.

As Dean's lifesigns fade and the doctors try to ressucitate him, he sees the spirit he saw in the hallway hovering over his bed, but faces it down, knowing it for what it is, or thinking he does. Dean's body begins to breathe again; he has cheated death. For now. Outside, he finds a girl who seems to be able to see him. She is in a panic. Her name is Tessa, and she may very well be dead. She seems, however, to have accepted it and be ready to move on. As she and Dean walk down the corridor he hears a "Code Blue!" warning and rushes into another ward, to see the creature hovering over the bed where a little girl is lying. He fights it and it vanishes, but too late for the girl. She is pronounced dead. Dean now realises that a Reaper is loose in the hospital. Sam, having believed he has psychically "felt" the presence of his brother, tells his father he has to go somewhere and walks off. John promises to make sure Dean is okay before he thinks of fighting the demon.

Sam returns with a ouija board and Dean, though laughing at the concept, sees that this is in fact a way he can communicate with his brother. After all, technically he's standing right beside him. So he slides the pointer and makes Sam aware that not only is he there, but that he is hunting a Reaper in the hospital. When Sam goes to see their father he is not there, but Sam takes his journal and reads about Reapers. Reading over his shoulder, Dean gasps as he realises that Tessa is in fact the Reaper he is hunting: Reapers, the journal says, can alter human perception, and to Dean, Tessa's philosophical acceptance of her fate was a little hard to take. When he talks to her she admits it, and says he needs to go with her: death is nothing to fear. It's his time.

Meanwhile, John has gone to the boiler room where he has chalked arcane symbols to conjure up the demon. It works, and John says he wants to make a deal. The Reaper tells Dean she can't force him to come with her, but that he can't re-enter his body, and if he stays he will be forever a disembodied spirit. Eventually he will get angry, and resentful, and then perhaps wicked. He will, she says, become the very thing he hates, the thing he and Sam hunt: a monster, an evil spirit. John offers the demon the colt, and the remaining bullet, if he will save Dean. The demon agrees, but he wants one more thing also, something he says means more to him than the gun that can destroy him.

As Dean and the Reaper talk, she is suddenly taken over by a demon who brings Dean's body back to life. Sam is delighted but then their father appears and he looks old and haggard. He asks Sam to fetch him a cup of coffee and while he is gone, John has a long talk with Dean wherein he apologises for not looking after him better, for dragging him into his war and asks him to look after Sam. He then collapses. For some time the doctors work on him, but at 10:41 they call it, and John Winchester is pronounced dead.

MUSIC
Ted Nugent: "Stranglehold"

(and "Bad moon rising" by Creedence again; strangely, NOT "In my time of dying" by Led Zep...)

THE "WTF??! moment"
It's either got to be when Dean goes back to his room and sees himself on the bed, and we realise he's a spirit, or else when Tessa is revealed to be the Reaper. Or, possibly, when John dies, though this has been telegraphed pretty comprehensively. You don't do a deal with the Devil and not offer your soul, especially for your own son.

PCRs
Dean, in spirit form, shouts at Sam: "You're the psychic! Give me some ghost whispering or something!" Referring to the rival network show, "Ghost Whisperer", where Jennifer Love-Hewitt contacts the ghosts of those who can't move on and tries to help them finish whatever business they have here so they can pass over to the other side.

In ghost form, having knocked over a glass to try to get the attention of his arguing brother and father, Dean murmurs, "Dude, I full-on Swayze'd that mother!" Reference to the film "Ghost", starring the late Patrick Swayze.

Even the title is a PCR, the name of a Led Zeppelin song.

Dean says to the Reaper "I think I'll pass on the seventy-two virgins thanks." Reference to Islam, where the righteous are promised that 72 virgins will meet them at the gates of paradise if they die nobly.

BROTHERS
There's a touching exchange between Sam and Bobby as they look at the shattered wreck of the Impala. Bobby suggests writing it off for scrap, but Sam, either confident or desperate that Dean will pull through, tells him that his brother would kill him if he scrapped the car. Bobby, aware Sam is clutching at straws, tries to be pragmatic but Sam will have none of it. "If there's only one part still working, it's enough," he tells his friend firmly. The implication is clear: Sam will refuse to give up on his brother while there is even the slightest chance, no matter that it may be one in a million.

Sort of feeding into that, Sam and his father have a blazing row where the boy accuses John of not caring for Dean (which of course he knows is unfair and untrue), being more interested in destroying the demon. John Winchester counters by reminding his son that this demon killed his mother and his fiancee, and that Sam had the chance to destroy it when it was in his father's body. His son's protestations that that would have meant killing his dad too fall on stony deaf ears: John accuses his son of being weak, and even hints it's Sam's fault that Dean is now in the situation he is. Had Sam had the balls to kill the demon (although that would most likely have meant killing his father, and there's no guarantee that the demon would not just have exited at the moment of death and sought a new body) they would not have been rammed and Dean would not now be hovering close to death.

It's clear that whatever reconciliation the two men reached near the end of the last season, pressures and a mounting sense of guilt and panic has now blown that fragile truce apart.

The ARC of the matter
Although this is only episode one of season two, and you wouldn't expect any huge revelations this soon, we do find out that John knows about Sam, and why the demon wants him. He says he has not told Dean though, who remains, for the moment, in the dark. The possibility of the demon's being destroyed would now seem to be remote at best, as John has exchanged the Colt and its single bullet, along with his own soul, for the life of his elder son.

2.2 "Everybody loves a clown"

The boys have given their father a warrior's funeral, burning his body atop a pyre. A week later, Sam is disconcerted that Dean has not tried to talk about the events leading up to their dad's death, and senses his brother is holding something back. Dean seems angry that, with the Colt gone, they have no way to kill the demon now, even if they could find it. Sam plays Dean a voicemail from their father's cellphone, on which a woman named Ellen offers her help. The boys decide to check her out.

Turns out she runs a bar, a roadhouse, through which hunters "occasionally" pass. She has a daughter, Jo, who seems a little taken with Dean, but for once he's not rising to it. She introduces them also to a guy called Ash, who seems to be something of a genius and believes that using the information in John Winchester's journal he can track the demon. While they wait, Dean sees a newspaper cutting about a family that were murdered in Wisconsin, the child the only survivor. They decide to check it out. The story seems to run that a clown appeared, killed the parents (tore them apart) and vanished into thin air. This is according to the girl, and Dean is dubious: perhaps the girl is just suffering from trauma and there was nothing supernatural about the killing. The girl reports she saw the clown at a carnival, and so it's to there they head first.

On the way they research and find that these sort of murders have occurred three times before, in another carnival, Bunker Brothers, in three different locations. Dean theorises that they might be dealing with a cursed object, which the carnival is taking with it when it goes. They discover that another murder has taken place; same MO, with a child left alive and saying it was a clown that did it. They wrangle jobs on the carnival and begin to investigate. They come across a little girl and her mother. The girl points and says she can see a clown but the mother says there's nothing there, and Sam and Dean know they have to act. They stake out the house, and Dean tells Sam he has found out that the owner of the circus, Cooper, originally worked for Bunker Brothers, the circus where the other murders occurred in 1981. So perhaps Cooper is the one the spirit is attached to, a person rather than an object? As they watch, the little girl opens the door of the house and invites a clown inside.

They get into the house and shoot the clown but it vanishes and they are almost taken for intruders (well, they are, technically, but you know what I mean) and have to leave in a hurry. After a phone call back to the Roadhouse they are advised by Ellen that she reckons the creature is an ancient Hindu spirit called a Rakshasha. These creatures appear in human form, eat human flesh but cannot enter a home unless invited --- rather like vampires --- and so the creature takes the form of a clown, harmless and playful in the eyes of children, and gets the kids to invite it in. The boys now revise their suspicions about Cooper, in the light of new information. Rakshashas have a very slow metabolism apparently, and must feed every thirty years or so, hence the gap in the murders since 1981. They think that maybe Cooper is the Rakshasha, Dean pointing out that back at the carnival the owner showed them a picture of a man he said was his father, but he looked exactly like Cooper, so perhaps they are one and the same person.

How to kill it though? A dagger of pure brass, it would seem, will do the trick, and Dean thinks he knows where to get one. He goes to see the blind guy they spoke to on first arriving at the carnival, who is also a knife-thrower (don't look at me like that! I didn't write this!) but it turns out that he, not Cooper, is the Rakshasha. He vanishes before Dean's eyes while Sam is being held at gunpoint by Cooper, who has found him snooping around in his trailer. They are chased by the blind man, who is now invisible, and end up in the funhouse, where Sam finds a pipe organ (shut up! I said I didn't write this! Leave me alone!) and breaks one of the pipes, causing steam to fly out which then outlines the vague shape of the Rakshasha enough for Dean to see it, call to Sam who stabs it. When the steam clears there is nothing there but an empty suit. The Rakshasha is gone.

Back at the Roadhouse, Ash shows them that he has hooked up his laptop as a sort of early-warning system. If the demon shows its face anywhere in the world, Ash will know about it. Seems the little guy has a lot more about him than the boys initially gave him credit for.

MUSIC
The Chambers Brothers: "Time has come today"

Captain and Tenille: "Do that to me one more time"

Three Dog Night: "Shambala"


PCRs
Dean smirks to Sam "Oh come on! You still burst out crying if you see Ronald MacDonald on the TV!" The annoying mascot for the equally annoying fast-food chain MacDonalds.

The "WTF??!" moment
Don't really see one here. Some surprising things happen, but none really that fit this category.

BROTHERS
In season one we learned that big, tough, macho Dean is scared of flying. Now he has his chance for revenge against Sam, as his kid brother is afraid of ... clowns. Well, isn't everyone? Sam's distaste manifests itself in various ways when they visit the carnival (who here hates them too?), watching a dwarf female clown, being tricked by Dean into sitting in a chair shaped like a clown's face, and so on. Dean obviously delights in rubbing his brother's nose in his phobia.

Sam is reconsidering his future. With the death of their father, he seems to blame himself perhaps for always going against his wishes, not joining the hunt like Dean, and it looks like he might now be intending to make up for it. He mentions that he is thinking of not going back to school, when the demon is finally dead. This has been his aim all along, and Dean is surprised to hear it, moreso when Sam says it's what their dad would have wanted. "Since when did you do anything dad wanted?" he asks. But Sam is now suffering, it would seem, under a double burden of guilt. Maybe he just wants to kill the demon, and all its allies, that were responsible, directly or indirectly, for his father's death. But maybe that won't be enough.

Dean, however, is annoyed at Sam's sudden change of heart. He rationalises that Sam is now trying to make up for all the times he went against their dad, all the arguments he had with him, and Dean just thinks it's a little late to be trying to make amends now. Of course, deep down he's probably feeling a bit guilty himself, if what his father told him is what I think it is...

Later, at the end in fact, Sam admits to Dean that he knows it's too little too late, that he does feel angry, sad and guilty that the last time he saw their father alive he had a fight with him, and accused him of being more interested in his obsession with the demon than in Dean's fight for life. Dean does not admit that he too is not allowing himself to grieve, though Sam knows it. This is underlined strongly when Dean starts smashing up his car, the one thing in this world he loves as much as his brother.

Something has got to give. And soon.

WISEGUY
Dean, whether recovered now from his near-death experience and the subsequent passing of their father, begins to show a little of the old confidence and braggado he used to display, and that we came to love him for. When Sam says they had better be damn sure that Cooper is the Rakshasha before they go stabbing him, he quips "Oh you're such a stickler for details!"

Nonetheless, the old Dean is far from back, as he pointedly does not hit on Jo, Ellen's daughter, even when she makes it clear she is quite obviously interested. He just doesn't seem to have the heart for it anymore, not at the moment anyway.

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Everybody loves a good mystery. And usually a mystery involves murder. Or disappearance. Or both. Why do we love a mystery? Well, on the most basic level I think it's a sense of perhaps gentle arrogance: we believe that we can solve the case before the detective, cop or amateur sleuth investigating it. We like to piece together the clues, work out the solution and race the protagonist to the correct conclusion. There are few feelings as satisfying as hearing the case being solved and thinking --- or saying aloud to any who will listen --- "Yep! That's what I said! Isn't that what I said? Didn't I say he/she did it?" and so on.

But this is a series which I would defy even the most accomplished armchair detective to solve. It's just something of an oddity, where everyone has something to hide and there are more red herrings than you'd find in a fishmongers. Seems the finger of suspicion swings wildly around, pointing first at this person then at that, and fooling the viewer every time. It's incredibly well-constructed and written, with more false leads and twists than likely any mystery you've ever watched or read. Even at the end, when we know who did it, there's yet another surprise, one more final twist along the curving, bending road this short series leads us down.

Shown over five weeks on BBC, "Mayday" is the story of the disappearance of the May Queen, a young girl who is well known in the town, which is never named but may be Surrey, as the series was filmed there. As it becomes clear Hattie Sutton is not coming back, the search for her intensifies as the whole community joins in, but some are more reluctant than others to help. Could they be hiding something? "Mayday" mixes elements of local folklore, pagan belief and of course police procedural with the aura of a good whodunnit and a healthy slice of paranoia and fear, pulling you this way then that, spinning you around till you're dizzy and can't even find which direction you want to walk in.

Starring two very notable actors in Spooks' Peter Firth and Love/Hate and Game of Thrones' Aiden Gillen, the series traces the lives of each of the main characters and how, if at all, they link to the disappearance of Hattie. There are some very unsavoury elements brought up during the five-episode run, and it's quite hard-hitting and uncompromising in its examination of the microcosm of English rural life, and how communities band together to protect, shield or even damn one of their own. As the story unfolds it often becomes less about Hattie and more about those who knew her, with minor dramas and subplots playing out against the backdrop of the investigation.

CAST

Hattie/Caitlin Sutton, played by Leila Mimmack: Hattie, the May Queen, disappears on May Day just before taking her place at the head of the parade, and her twin sister, Caitlin, worries that she may have very well been the last to hear from her before she vanished, as later she plays back a voicemail she received --- but ignored --- from her sister on her mobile and is sure she can hear Hattie being taken.

Linus, played by Max Fowler: Much of what happens is seen through the teenager's eyes. He is in love with Caitlin but she does not seem interested. When her sister goes missing he tries to comfort her, yet wonders if his own father may not be involved? What IS it he is keeping in the closet that he forbids Linus to see?

Malcolm, played by Peter Firth: A local businessman who is trying to develop a new housing estate in the area, Malcolm is reluctant to join the hunt for Hattie, though he is persuaded, more out of a sense of shame than anything else. Why is he so reticent?

Fiona, played by Sophie Okenodo: A local woman who used to be a police officer, but has retired in order to look after her three children. She seems to have history with Everett, Linus's father, and is married to local cop

Alan, played by Peter McDonald

Seth, played by Tom Fisher: A local man who seems to have a special relationship with the nearby forest, may be insane and is brother to

Steve, played by Sam Spruell: A local man who also has history with Hattie's family.

Everett, played by Aiden Gillen: Local lothario, an uncompromising man who spends most of his time, when not womanising, playing video games and drinking. He does his best to look after Linus after the tragic death of his wife in suspicious circumstances.

Gail, played by Lesley Manville: Long suffering wife of Malcolm, who begins to wonder if her husband is involved in the young girl's disappearance.

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Season Two: "The coming of Shadows" (Part Two)

2.3 "The geometry of shadows"

New character! William Forward plays Lord Refa, a scheming noble at the Centauri Court (aren't they all scheming nobles at the Centauri Court?)who is introduced here. He will be an ally of Londo's and will help to move him along his unhappy path to darkness. He will feature in most plotlines for the next two seasons regarding the Centauri and, to a lesser extent, Morden.

Garibaldi is not too happy about going back to work. He blames himself for not seeing the traitor under his nose, and wonders if he's any use to anyone if he can allow such a thing to happen on his watch? Mollari is visited by Lord Refa, a Centuari noble who, after unsuccessfully trying to weasel out of him how he managed to destroy the Narn outpost in Quadrant 37, confides to the ambassador that there is a growing movement back home to seize power once the old emperor, whom many see as weak and ineffective, and who is not in great health, passes on. He recognises Londo's secret powerbase and tells him he is becoming a force to be reckoned with. Like Jack last episode, he wants Mollari on the winning side: his side. Londo agrees.

A fight breaks out on the station when different factions of Drazi, an alien species who frequent Babylon 5, attack each other and it becomes apparent that this is a ritual struggle to have the dominant faction elected to lead the Drazi. One faction wears purple, one green. There seems to be no sense to it, no way of aligning the forces. One simply wears one colour, and any of that colour ally with him, those wearing the other colour are automatically the enemy. Sheridan sets Ivanova to sorting it out, having promoted her to full commander. She is delighted, but a little apprehensive too.

Londo sees a Technomage and begins to worry. Technomages are people who "use science to achieve the effect of magic" --- basically, scientists who shroud their knowledge in mystery and mumbo-jumbo. They are seldom seen abroad, and to see more than one is considered a bad omen. Three at least have arrived on Babylon 5. However Londo remembers that the very first Centauri emperor sought the blessing of three such individuals before he took the throne, and surely there could be no clearer sign that Mollari is chosen by the gods to lead the new Centauri Republic, should he secure the patronage of their leader, a man who goes by the name of Elric, who by happy chance is now at this very moment on the station? Fate, he thinks, has handed him an unmissable opportunity. Trouble is, Technomages are notoriously solitary and value their privacy, extracting a high price from those who seek to disturb them.

Sheridan goes to visit Garibaldi, to see if he is ready to come back to work, but Garibaldi is not sure if he is needed, or wanted. Sheridan convinces him he is. It's the tentative beginnings of what will become a long and deep friendship. Ivanova gets the Drazi together to try to figure out how they organise their leadership contest, and finds to her amazement that it's completely arbitrary. Everyone reaches into a barrel and takes out a green or a purple sash, and they are then part of that faction. To illustrate how mind-numbingly restrictive this is, she changes a Green Drazi's sash for a Purple one, and all his mates suddenly leap on him, kicking off another huge fight, in the midst of which she is knocked down and breaks her leg!

Vir, sent by Londo to obtain a meeting with the Technomages, is rebuffed so Londo concocts a plan to have Sheridan accompany him to them, under the guise of checking out a security risk. However, when Elric realises he has been played he is not happy, and the consequences for Londo are not good. Elric had already warned Vir "do not try the patience of wizards, for they are subtle and quick to anger!" Now he learns the reality of that threat. Technomages are masters of computer trickery and Elric manipulates Londo's computer to make him buy shares in ventures in which he is not interested, wipe out vast parts of his personal fortune, and, worst of all, play Narn opera! The Drazi conflict has escalated: now they are killing each other. The leader of the Greens sets a trap, using Ivanova's name, for the Purples, and to make sure she doesn't blow it they hold her hostage.

Garibaldi, walking the station, wrestling with his conscience and wondering if he should try to take his job back or just give up, becomes suspicious when the message the Drazi have sent through, which purports to have come from Ivanova, is only a computer message. He asks the security team, who have been asked to clear one of the sections so that the Green Drazi can spring their trap, have they not received an actual confirmation of the order from the commander, and is told they have not. He finds and rescues Ivanova, who inadvertenly then becomes Green Leader by taking the sash from the one in charge. With the Green Drazi's fate now in her hands, she has them all dye their sashes Purple, thus ending the conflict, at least on the station.

Londo, finally unable to take any more of the technomagical treatment, goes back to Elric to apologise for trying to gain his endorsement under false pretences. The curse is lifted, but after all Elric does endorse Mollari, in a way, though it's more a dark warning of things to come.

QUOTES
Londo: "What you are asking could be considered treason."
Refa: "Or the first step in restoring our people to their rightful place in the galaxy, depending on who writes the history books. I think it wil be us: what do you think?"

Ivanova: "You can start by helping me to understand the precise nature of the conflict."
Drazi 1: "Green."
Drazi 2: "Purple."
Ivanova: "No I understand that there are two factions but what is the main point of contention?"
Drazi 2: "Purple."
Drazi 1: "Green."

Elric: "You don't frighten easily."
Vir: "I work for Ambassador Mollari. After a while, nothing bothers you."

Ivanova: "Not exactly an auspicious start to my diplomatic career!"
Sheridan: "We learn by doing. And in the process you're going to fall on your face a few times. Though I didn't think you were going to take it quite that literally!"

Vir: "Londo, they're going away! Money doesn't matter to them. Power doesn't matter to them!"
Londo: "Money and power always matter!"

Elric: "We are dreamers, shapers, singers and makers. We study the mysteries of laser and circuit, crystal and scanner. Holographic demons and invocations of equations. These are the tools we employ, and we know many things. The true secrets. The important things: fourteen words to make someone fall in love with you forever; seven words to make them go without pain. How to say goodbye to a friend who is dying. How to be poor. How to be rich. How to rediscover dreams when the world has stolen them from you. That is why we are going away: to preserve that knowledge."
Sheridan: "From what?"
Elric: "There is a storm coming, a black and terrible storm. We would not have our knowledge lost or used to ill purpose. From this place, we will launch ourselves into the stars. With luck, you'll never see our kind again in your lifetime.

Drazi Green Leader: "Green must fight Purple. Purple must fight Green. Is no other way!"
Ivanova: "Just my luck: I get stuck with a race that speaks only in macros!"

Drazi Green Leader: "Who takes green cloth is green leader! Greens follow Green Leader!"
Ivanova: "Wait a minute. You saying that because I'm holding this, I'm Green Leader? But I'm human!"
Drazi Green Leader: "Rules of combat older than contact with other races. Did not mention aliens. Rules update, caught in committee. Not come through yet."
Ivanova: "Bureaucracy! Tell me about it!"

Londo: "Does this torment end when you leave? Or am I going to have to spend the rest of my life paying for one little mistake?"
Elric: "I'm afriad you're going to have to spend your life paying for your mistakes. Not this one of course; it's trivial, I have withdrawn the spell. But there will be others."
Londo: "What are you talking about?"
Elric: "You are touched by darkness, Ambassador. I see it as a blemish which will grow with time. I could warn you of course, but you would not listen. I could kill you, but someone would take your place. So I do the only thing I can: I go. Oh, I believe it was an endorsement you wanted? A word or two, a picture to send back to the folks at home confirming that you have a destiny."
Londo: "It was just a thought, nothing more."
Elric: "Well, take this for what little it will profit you. As I look at you, Ambassador Mollari, I see a great hand reaching out of the sky. The hand is your hand. And I hear sounds, the sounds of billions of people calling your name."
Londo: "My followers?"
Elric: "Your victims."


ONE GOOD CENTAURI
In this new section I'm going to look at the efforts of Londo's attache and pretty much only friend to try to pull him off the dark path he can see his boss going down. All through the series Vir Cotto will shine as one of the only examples of true honest honour in a crumbling empire rotting from within. While Vir is loyal to his people, he hasn't the naked greed and ambition that Londo possesses, and lacks the killer instinct necessary to survive at court. He is, in most ways, an innocent, even sometimes a bumbler, regarded by nobody and afforded no importance. But unlike most of his people he knows right from wrong, and it will be his mission throughout season two, three and four to prevent Londo carrying out the dastardly schemes set in motion by Lord Refa, Morden and others. When he cannot stop him he will do his best to protect him, try to convince him that what he is doing is wrong. Of course, most times Mollari will not heed his young friend, but Vur will turn out to be almost the singular conscience of the Centauri Republic, the one bright light of truth and decency in a fading empire as it recedes into the mists of history.

When he hears what Lord Refa proposes, Vir speaks to Londo later, trying to warn him that he should not go down this path. He tells him, in answer to a question as to whether or not he believe in fate, that he believes there are tides and currents in the universe, some of which are good, some bad. He tries to explain to Londo that because they all look the same, it is hard to know which ones to avoid, and pointedly hints that the course Londo is taking will bring him towards a current he should definitely avoid. Londo thinks his attache is just babbling, and dismisses his words, but he will later have cause to replay this warning and wish he had heeded his young friend.

IMPORTANT PLOT ARC POINTS
Londo
Arc Level: Red
Here we are given the first clues as to what will become Londo Mollari's descent into darkness and evil. We have already seen that his association with Morden has led to the destruction of a Narn outpost and resulted in his star ascending back home, with the effect of having him chosen as a powerful ally against the emperor in the coup to come. We have seen, too, that he was instrumental, even vital in preventing the discovery of the enemy in his homebase by passing information on to Morden which resulted into the destruction of the Narn ship sent to investigate. Now we hear from Elric's lips that Mollari has a dark destiny, and that billions will curse his name, dying because of him. This prophecy will become terrifyingly clear in the not too distant future.

It's interesting that even with this dire warning in front of him, Londo will not turn aside from the destiny that he now follows. Perhaps he does not believe the Technomage, or thinks that he is talking in metaphors. Perhaps he thinks the billions cursing his name are the voices of conquered inhabitants of worlds the Centauri will invade, suppress and occupy, like they did on Narn. Or perhaps it is just too late to change his mind. His feet are on the path, and even if he wished to he could not do other than follow them down the dark road he now treads, anxious to see where it leads, but fearing that answer.

Storm Warning
Arc Level: Red
Elric warns of an approaching storm. You have to think that JMS was paying tribute to the final line in "The Terminator", when Sarah Connor is told "There's a storm coming". This is a darkness that he fears will swallow everything, and the idea of his brothers being forced to use their power in the service of this cold entity is more than he can bear, or risk, and so the Technomages are fleeing en masse somewhere beyond The Rim, where they believe they will be safe from the reach of the enemy. This surely ties in with Lennier's retelling of the prophecy in the first episode, where he spoke of a great enemy returning.

ABSENT FRIENDS
Although not every single character will be in every single episode, I am going to start noting any time that the main characters, as in, the ones in the opening credits, are omitted from an episode or episodes. If there is a reason for this, and it does not entail spoilers, I'll mention that too.

Here we miss Ambassador G'Kar. Though it is mostly a Londo-centric episode, his old adversary is not in it, not in one scene. Delenn is also conspicuous by her absence, nor do we see Lennier.

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2.4 "A distant star"
New character! (Sort of...) Lt. David Corwin, played by Joshua Cox, though only given small roles in this episode is slowly over time brought more to the fore, to the point at which he gets his name on the credits. He's never totally indispensable to any storyline, and there are no plots revolving about him, but he does get lifted from obscurity into almost-regular appearance territory.

The Explorer-class deep space cruiser Cortez arrives at Babylon 5 after five years in deep space, in command a good friend of Sheridan's. Franklin takes the opportunity of putting all command staff on a strict diet when he has to order Garibaldi to watch what he eats as he recovers from his gunshot wound. The security chief is not happy, as he was planning to prepare Banjacouda (sp?), an Italian fondue. But the doctor nixes that, saying the ingredients are not healthy. Captain Maynard, in charge of the Cortez, does not dismiss rumours that there may be something living in hyperspace, which most people had discounted as old spacer tales. His arrival on the station, and his questions to Sheridan about whether this is really what he wants --- he knows John always wanted to captain his own Explorer-class ship --- hit a sore spot and Sheridan is irritable and snappish. He didn't really want this job, he admits only to himself, but as he says to Maynard, when the president calls it's hard to say no.

Delenn is visited by a representative of her people, who tells her that there is concern that since she has metamorphosed into a hybrid she may not be considered one of their own. He hints that she may need to be replaced, and tells her that he will go to the Grey Council to seek their guidance. The Cortez heads back out into deep space, but an accident onboard knocks out their guidance system and they're now trapped in hyperspace, unable to lock on to the jumpgate signal. Picking up their distress call, Sheridan sends a squadron of fighters to try to locate the massive ship, but in hyperspace the normal rules of astronavigation don't apply, and it will be a long shot. With the first fighter stopping just inside the jumpgate and locking on to its beacon, the next locking on to that and so on, moving out, the Starfuries can create a kind of chain extending out into the deep well of hyperspace, with the last in line broadcasting his signal in the hope that the Cortez will pick it up and be able to follow them home.

After some time they're able to locate the huge ship's signal, but just as they make ready to bring her home one of those spider ships appears from nowhere and destroys one of the Starfuries, knocking out Keffer's inertial navigational system. With commendable intelligence, he fires his lasers in the direction of home, and the Cortez is able to lock on to the jumpgate signal and make it back to Babylon 5. Keffer, however, is stranded in hyperspace. Then the spider ship appears again and he is able to follow its flight path to make his way home. Garibaldi and Franklin settle their differences when Garibaldi explains that he makes the banjacouda in memory of his father, who used to cook it, and the two share the meal. After an interesting talk with Delenn, Sheridan realises that he's exactly where he's supposed to be, and dismisses any misgivings about his job, more comfortable now in his skin than he has been for a while.

QUOTES
Garibaldi: "One more thing: don't say anything to Doctor Franklin about this."
Orwell: "Okay but it's gonna cost you."
Garibaldi: "It's gonna cost me for you to say nothing to somebody. How much to say nothing to everybody?"
Orwell: "Oh, you couldn't afford it!"

Delenn: "Understanding is not required, only obedience."
Minbari: "To our own kind, yes. But are you our own kind any more Delenn? We have a right to know."

Ivanova: "Figures! All my life I've fought against imperialism. Now suddenly, I am the expanding Russian frontier!"
Franklin: "But with very nice borders."

Sheridan: "A friend once quoted me an ancient Egyptian blessing. God be between you and harm in all the empty places where you must walk. "

Sheridan: "If the primates we came from had known that politicians would one day come out of the gene pool they'd have stayed up in the trees and written off evolution as a bad idea!"

Delenn: "The universe puts us in places where we can learn. They are never easy places, but they are right. Wherever we are, is the right place, the right time. Pain sometimes comes; it's part of the process, constantly being reborn."

IMPORTANT PLOT ARC POINTS
Spider ships
Arc Level: Red
Captain Maynard of the Cortez makes reference to "something living out in hyperspace", out beyond the Rim, and there's the definite feeling that it's something like these ships, or perhaps the huge, weird one we saw last season out by Sigma 957. Then we see the spider ships again, this time in hyperspace, twice: once one knocks out Keffer's nav, and destroys his squadron leader, then another --- or possibly the same one --- leads him home. It's clear these things, whatever they are, are becoming more frequent and also getting closer to known space.

Delenn
Arc Level: Red
Now that she has made the full transition to hybrid, Ambassador Delenn has problems among her own people, who are loath to accept her as still one of their own. There is talk that she may be removed as Minbari representative to Babylon 5, but only the Grey Council can make that decision. She tells Franklin that her people supported her going into the chrysalis and going through the transformation, but this is a lie. We saw one of the other Minbari, perhaps a Grey Council member, watch her at the beginning of the season and remark that she was supposed to wait but went ahead on her own. She of course does not want humans --- or anyone --- to know that her action was not sanctioned by her government. Such knowledge could put her diplomatic status under threat. If the Babylon Council learn that she is making unauthorised decisions, not only will they find it hard to trust her but they may butt heads with the Grey Council, who do after all contribute to the funding of the station.

She seems very interested in the new commander, talking with him in the garden, as she did Sinclair in the pilot episode, although of course she did look much different. And she knew who he was, and the hidden history between them. Sheridan she does not know, but she has supreme faith in the universe, and believes he has been sent here for a reason. She is already starting to look and act more human than Minbari, smiling and batting her eyelashes where in season one she was mostly cold and aloof, as most of her people are. This change will only deepen as the seasons proceed, but Delenn will never be anything less than a true Minbari, as we shall see.

ABSENT FRIENDS
Neither G'Kar nor Londo are in this episode at all, not even mentioned. Lennier is not in it either, even though Delenn is.

2.5 "The long dark"

A ship out of Earth's distant past arrives at Babylon 5. Launched over a hundred years ago, it is an old exploration ship and carries one living passenger, a woman.There was another, a male, but it's been established that he was murdered, and with only one other occupant of the ship, Mariah Cirrus is suspect numero uno. Garibaldi talks to a lurker, Amos, who is having horrific visions, and realises the man was in the war, just like him, and is suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. When the girl regains consciousness Franklin becomes involved with her. Amos tells Garibaldi that there is something evil onboard, a "soldier of darkness" that has come on the ship. Londo scoffs but G'Kar is interested. The aliens want Mariah removed from the station, telling Sheridan that she has brought the evil here.

Garibaldi discovers that something similar attacked Amos when he was stationed on a moon that was supposed to be dead, during the war. It killed his comrades, but kept him alive, feeding on him. Now the security chief wonders if that connection can help Amos lead them to the alien monster? Franklin finds that Mariah has had dreams --- or she thinks they're dreams --- in which she felt that something was keeping her alive, feeding on her during her voyage. This sounds too close to what Amos was talking about. Garibaldi asks Mariah if she can find the creature --- Amos has gone missing --- and with her help they track it down and finally kill it.

Mariah leaves for Earth, to mourn her dead husband and try to catch up on a hundred years' lost time, while Ivanova tells Sheridan that they have determined from the ship's logs that the alien had reset its course towards the Rim, a course that would have taken it directly to Zha'dum.

QUOTES
Amos: "I've found that life is, in general, much easier if I forget most of the things that happen to me."

Garibaldi: "You were about to accuse the Centauri ambassador of being in league with the devil. Which might not be far from the truth."

Garibaldi: "You were standing in the middle of the plaza yelling that the Day of Judgement was coming."
Amos: "Did it?"
Garibaldi: "Not that I know, but I may have missed a staff meeting."

Garibaldi: "Nasty way to die!"
Sheridan: "Last I checked there weren't too many good ways."

G'Kar (to Mariah): "Take my advice and go back to the time you came from. The future is not what it used to be."

Ivanova: "You got a plan?"
Sheridan: "Just try not to get killed."
Ivanova: "Brilliant!"

Sheridan: "Something's going on, Commander."
Ivanova: "I know. And between you and me, it's scaring the hell out of me."

IMPORTANT PLOT ARC POINTS
Storm Warning
Arc Level: Red
There's surely more than coincidence in the fact that this creature, called a "soldier of darkness", was heading towards the exact spot G'Kar had said was being used by the ancient enemy once again as their base, where the darkness was gathering its forces? Perhaps all evil things are being attracted towards the nexus of evil. And with Elric's dire and cryptic warning from last episode ringing in our ears, can we doubt he was telling the truth?

ABSENT FRIENDS
Again, neither Delenn nor Lennier are in this episode at all, despite there being a meeting of the Babylon Council.

SKETCHES
Now that we're getting into the second season and starting to learn a little more about the characters, I'd like to open this new section in which I'll draw basic sketches of the people most associated with the series, and add to their personality profile as the episodes and seasons go on.

Dr. Stephen Franklin
We've already seen in season one's "Believers", the first really Franklin-centric episode, how the doctor can be arrogant to the point of believing himself infallible, and how hard he takes that when it turns out he is wrong, and someone pays the price. We've also seen in the previous season his first real love interest, when he hooked up in "The quality of mercy". That episode, too, has linked back into this season, as he hit upon the idea of using the alien machine to revive Garibaldi when all else seemed to be failing.

Now we see him again involved, but this time with a patient. However, like most doctors he is uncomfortable about getting romantic with a patient. It's unethical, it's complicated and the old transferrance of affection thing can always be expected to be in play: a doctor saves your life and is kind to you and you form an affection, even love for them. But it's not true love, more a sense of gratitude and the belief that you should love them. So when it looks like he's falling for Mariah Franklin pulls away, declaring that it is not a good idea at this point, and she agrees. Later however, when she is recovered and therefore no longer his patient, he tries to move the relationship on, but by then Mariah is too overwhelmed with what she has gone through, and just needs time. Ironic, really, as she has just slept for a century.

We've seen his harsher, more authoritarian side, in the last episode, where he demanded everyone go on a diet and monitored that, but then in the same episode he softens when he learns what the dessert means to Garibaldi and in the end shares it with him, enjoying it and realising that sometimes it's not all about regulations. Franklin will always be first and foremost a doctor --- when he suggests using the alien machine on Garibaldi he's prepared to risk his own well-being, health and perhaps life to bring him back. He says he could hardly ask anyone to do something he himself is not prepared to do. This is another thing about Stephen Franklin. Though not by any stretch my favourite character in the series --- close to my least favourite, actually --- he is a man of principles, bravery and a man of action. He is a thinker, but he is also a doer. He has spoken of his ethics before, by telling Delenn that he refused to hand over his research of xenobiology to be weaponised, and he is primarily a healer, a man of peace. The coming years though, will change all of that.

Note: It's seldom that one writer, never mind the creator of a series, pens all the episodes but with a very few exceptions this is what happened with Babylon 5. This, then, is one of a very small handful of episodes that is not written by JMS.

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1.8 "A big piece of garbage"

(Tagline: "Mr. Bender's wardobe by Robotany 500")

It's the annual awards ceremony at the Academy of Inventors, and Professor Farnsworth believes his invention this year is unbeatable. However, when he realises that due to galloping senility he is about to present the same invention this year as last, he has to make a sudden change on the fly, and ends up embarrassing and humiliating himself in front of the august assemblage. What's even worse is that his arch-enemy, Doctor Wurnstrum, wins with his invention. But Farnsworth is determined to plough ahead with the invention that was a mere scribbled blueprint at the awards, something he calls a smelloscope, which will allow distant odours to be picked up --- why? Then he remembers he already built one!

It's while using this that they discover a stench that is off the charts, and with some research they realise that a massive ball of garbage from the twentieth century that was fired off into space has come back around and is heading for Earth, with what will be disastrous consequences! But when they try to warn the mayor about the impending disaster, it turns out he has hired Wurnstrum as his scientific advisor. Loath to turn down a chance to make his nemesis look bad, Wurnstrum plays down the danger, saying it could be a fault with the smelloscope, but when a report comes in from Neptune that the big ball of garbage has passed close by their monitoring station, there can be no doubt and action must be taken.

Shooting a missile at it won't work as the density of the ball would just allow the rocket to pass right through it, so Farnsworth suggests placing an explosive device upon it, and guess who gets the job? Unfortunately, the professor's senility has again been at work, and where he thought they had twenty-five minutes to get off the garbage ball before it blew, the counter has been put on upside down and they have just over fifty seconds! With no other choice, Bender has to hurl the bomb into space, and they're safe, but now with no way to stop the stinking ball. Farnsworth though comes up with an idea: if they can build a similar ball maybe they can launch it against this one, the one knocking the other out of its path and thereby causing it to miss Earth. It's a stupid plan, but it might just work ... if they can think of something to make the second ball out of.

"Uh," suggests Fry, "how about garbage?" And so the people of New New York have to learn from a twentieth century wastrel how to make garbage all over again. The ball is built, the rocket is fired and knocks the other one into the sun. Leela expresses concern over where the second ball may end up, but nobody cares. As Fry says, it's none of their concern: that's the twentieth century way!



QUOTES
Wurnstrum: "It's time to leave science to the hundred twenty-year olds!"
Farnsworth: "You young turks think you know everything! I was inventing things while you were just barely turning senile!"

Fry: "As long as you don't make me smell Uranus!"
Leela: "I don't get it?"
Farnsworth: "I'm sorry Fry, but astronomers renamed Uranus in 2620 to end that stupid joke once and for all."
Fry: "What's it called now?"
Farnsworth: "Urectum!"

Voiceover: "The repulsive barge circled the oceans for fifty years but no country would allow it to land. Not even that really filthy one. You know the one I mean!"

Fry: "Hey! You have no right to criticise the twentieth century! We gave the world the light bulb, the steam press and the cotton jenny!"
Leela: "All of those things are from the nineteenth century."
Fry: "Yeah, well, they probably just copied us."

Morbo: "Puny Earthlings were today shocked to learn that a giant ball of garbage will soon destroy their pathetic city of New New York."
Human Female: "Makes me glad we live in Los Angeles, Morbo!"
Morbo: "Morbo agrees!"

Mayor: "It's time to put a real scientist in charge! Doctor Wurnstrum, can you save my city?"
Wurnstrum: "Of course. But it'll cost you."
Mayor: "Anything."
Wurnstrum: "All right then, first I want tenure."
Mayor: "Done."
Wurnstrum: "And a big research grant."
Mayor: "You got it."
Wurnstrum: "Also access to a lab, and three graduate students, at least three of them Chinese."
Mayor: "Err... done. Now what's your plan?"
Wurnstrum: "What plan? I'm set for life! Au revoir, suckers!"
Leela: "That rat! Do something!"
Mayor: "I wish I could but he's got tenure!"

Mayor: "Garbage isn't something you just find lying in the streets of Manhattan!"

Morbo: "Ha ha! Kittens give Morbo gas. In lighter news, the city of New New York is doomed. Blame rests with known human Professor Hubert Farnsworth and his tiny, inferior brain!"

PCRs
The plaque outside City Hall is all one word, and with an "i" used instead of a "y", making it look like the Citibank logo: CitiHall

Farnsworth suggests placing a bomb on the garbage ball between a mass of coffee grounds and a deposit of America Online floppy discs!

On the way to the ship Bender, Fry and Leela do the "The Right Stuff" walk.

SIMPSONS REFERENCES
The guys find a bunch of Bart Simpson dolls on the garbage ball. Bender picks one up, it says "Eat my shorts!" in Bart's voice. Bender obliges. Fry thinks they're cool --- he would! --- but Leela tells him this stuff was garbage before it was sent out into space, and it's garbage now.

SIGNS OF THE TIMES
Pete's TVs: "Letting people watch news reports in our window since 1951!"

NEW CHARACTER!

Soon to become the Kent Brockmann of Futurama, Morbo is a hueg green alien with a head like a gigantic fly and a gruff voice that always sounds angry. He is an anchor for the news channel on TV.

Doctor Wurnstrum is also introduced here, but he's only in it once or twice more, hardly worth noting really.

1.09 "Hell is other robots"

(Tagline: none. And no intro reel either...)

Attending a Beastie Boys concert (yeah, they're Heads!) Fry is delighted when Bender introduces him to one of his friends who works on the road crew and can get them backstage. The robo-roadie later ducks out with Bender to take him to "the real party", which turns out to be a "jacking-on" den, where robots plug live wires into their sockets to get "a jolt", presumably similar to us humans doing drugs. Problem is, Bender has never done this before and becomes totally addicted to the point where it takes over his life, and his friends begin to worry about him. His addiction is confirmed when he puts the crew's life in danger by steering the ship INTO an electrical storm Leela was trying to avoid.

In an attempt to cure himself Bender turns to religion and enters the Temple of Robotology, where he gets completely caught up in his new belief, making him even harder to live with, but at least he's not Using anymore. However his religion soon begins to bug them as much as his electrical abuse did, and they decide to try to "reacquaint him with a little thing called sleaze". It doesn't take too much persuading to get the old Bender back, and all seems well. Except for one thing. When Bender was baptised he did so on the express understanding that if he sinned he would go straight to Robot Hell. Robotology is not abstract though: they take everything literally and the moment Bender broke their rules the Robot Devil was sent to collect his electronic soul!

He literally takes him from his hotel and to an abandoned carnival where Robot Hell is situated, telling him that he will be held here forever. Nibbler picks up his scent and Fry and Leela head off to try to rescue him, and find that if they can beat the Robot Devil in a fiddle contest they will be able to release Bender, winning back his soul. Of course they can't play the fiddle as well as the Robot Devil, so Leela hits him on the head with it and the trio make their escape.



QUOTES
Fry: "Wow! I love you guys! Back in the twentieth century I had all five of your albums."
Ad-Rock: "Man that was a thousand years ago! We've got seven now!
Fry: "Can I borrow the new ones? And some blank tapes?"

Robo-preacher: "Wretched sinner unit! The path to Robot Heaven lies here, in the Good Book, 3.0!" (The Good Book is shaped like an old 3.5" floppy disc!)

Leela: "Bender! Why are you spending so much time in the bathroom? Are you jacking-on in there?"
Bender: "No! Don't come in!"

Fry: "You made me feel like a jerk for trusting you! Just like when my friend Ritchie swore he wasn't taking drugs, then he sold me my mom's VCR. And later I found out he was taking drugs!"

Robot Preacher: "I see a lot of fancy robots in here today, made o' real shiny metal! But that don't impress the Robot Devil! Cause if you sin, He's gonna plug His infernal modem into the wall, belchin' smoke and fire, and He's gonna download your soul to Robot Hell!"

Bender: "Wonderful! Then you'll all come to my exceedingly long, un-air-conditioned baptism ceremony?"

Robot Preacher: "We are gathered here today to deliver our brother Bender from the cold steel grip of the Robot Devil unto the cold steel bosom of our congregation."

Leela: "Who would have thought that Hell would really exist? And that it would be in New Jersey?"
Fry: "Actually..."

PCRs
Bender spends a night at the Trump Trapezoid.

The fiddle contest in Robot Hell is based on Charlie Daniels' "The devil went down to Georgia", though I have no doubt that song is also based on some folk or fairy tale, but it's the first reference I have to it.



NEW CHARACTER?
Not really, but Scruffy is seen wheeling the three Heads onstage. He's still not named. It's possible he's holding down some different jobs, though robo-masseur to road crew is a bit of a stretch...

The Robot Devil: Oh yes, He exists, as does Robot Hell. It's in Jersey! And he loves to sing in bossa-nova style. Now that's scary!

SIGNS OF THE TIMES
In the Temple: "10 Sin 20 Goto Hell"

A ROBOT CALLED BENDER
This is a great final episode! We find out so much about not just Bender but robots in general. They have their own religion, with a very real and definite Hell that they are dragged to by a very real Robot Devil if they sin. The Fairness in Hell Act of 2263 though requires that any robot's soul can be released if a petitioner can best the Robot Devil in a fiddle contest. We also learn about "jacking on", where robots plug electrical cables into their sockets and consume electricity, in strict violation of their warranties. When done properly, like many drugs, this provides a pleasant "buzz", but when overindulged in it can be dangerous and habit-forming, leading to full on addiction.

Bender finds out for himself that Robot Hell exists, and finds his many and varied crimes all punished in ironic ways, like being rolled up and smoked like a cigar, or having his hard drive scratched by the Beastie Boys! This will not be the last encounter he will have with the Robot Devil, though he won't be jacking-on any more.

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1.3 "Julie"

Batman and Catwoman argue outside a party, although as it turns out they're both women. One wants to go home, one wants to stay. As she leaves anyway, we hear the other call her Julie and as she herself takes off her mask in disappointment we see it's Laure, the now police inspector. As Julie heads home through the underpass she is attacked and stabbed brutally. Shift to present day and the funeral of Mr. Costa is taking place. Nosy Miss Payet meets Julie there and she can't shake her off. The parish priest remarks to Thomas that Adele is looking radiant, and better than he has seen her before. Camille has not been able to attend, though Lena and Claire have, and they meet Pierre there, telling him that Lena has suspicions that Simon is another "revenant", and they wonder if there will be more.

At the graveside, Payet tells Julie about the attack on Lucy Clarsen, and Julie, terrified that her would-be killer is back, staggers out of the cemetery. During the eulogy it becomes clear that the woman who reappeared to Mr Costa was his wife, dead thirty years, called Vivianne. There is a cameo portrait of her on the grave, and unnoticed by anyone, she has also attended the funeral of her husband. Camille tackles her father over his broken relationship with her mother, realising that her death must have been at least partly responsible. He tells her that the whole thing was very hard on her sister, and Camille goes to see her in her room, noting as she changes that there is a nasty mark on her back. When she asks about it though Lena asks her to leave, rather abruptly.

The level in the reservoir continues to drop, now experts are in to check it. Robots are sent down but no fissures are detected. At the police station, one of the officers, not knowing what to do with Simon, contacts Pierre. Seems he runs an outreach project he calls The Helping Hand, which shelters the destitute and gives refuge to those who need it. Pierre agrees to come to the station and pick Simon up. Jerome suggests the family move, and Claire thinks maybe it's a good idea; start somewhere new, where Camille is not known, and can perhaps have a normal life. At the station one of the officers suggests they question Julie, as she was involved in the original attack, and may have remembered something that might help them. Laure says she will go. Alone.

The visit does not go well. It seems that the two were romantically involved, but broke up. Julie will not talk to the inspector. Lena is not pleased to hear that her family plan to move, seeing it as being all about Camille with nobody caring about her. On the way to the Helping Hand Simon learns from Pierre that he died when hit by a car on his wedding day, but he does not seem to remember the incident that ended his life. He decides not to go to the outreach and has Pierre drop him in town instead. Camille convinces her mother to take her shopping, but they are spotted by Sandrine, whose eyes widen when she sees the dead girl. Camille pretends to be a cousin, Alice. Lena's scar, meanwhile, far from healing is getting worse, and bigger. Captain Thomas is furious to find that Simon is gone, as he --- perhaps rather rashly --- views him as the main suspect in the attempted murder of Lucy Clarsen. He goes to the Helping Hand but is told by Pierre that Simon did not wish to come here and he let him out in town.

After the police inspector leaves Miss Payet knocks and threatens to shop Julie to the cops, believing that Victor is an illegal immigrant. Julie shuts the door in her face. Adele takes Simon to see his daughter, Chloe. In the Lake Pub, Toni is dealing with the toilets, which have become blocked and full of dirty water like the ones in the church earlier. Here Lena meets Serge, and Toni, who did not know he had arrived, is annoyed, worried that people may start asking questions. He asks Serge to go home. Victor is drawing some very disturbing things, which seem to be sketches of murders. When Julie has gone out he goes across the corridor to Miss Payet's apartment. She is delighted to see him and invites him in, no doubt hoping to find out who he is and tell the police, thus getting Julie into trouble.

When Adele gets home Lena is waiting for her. It seems she used to tutor her, but that's not what she's here for. She asks Adele about Simon, saying he came to the Lake Pub looking for her. Adele is now confused; she thought Simon was a ghost, a figment of her imagination. She thought she was the only one who could see him, but now it seems that's not the case, and maybe he's not just in her mind. For his part, Simon decides his only recourse at this point is to take up Pierre's offer and so he goes to the Helping Hand.

On returning home, Julie is worried that Victor is not there and goes looking for him. She thinks she hears something downstairs and comes face to face with her attacker from seven years ago. Armed with a scissors she is still overpowered, but when she looks again it is Victor's face she sees. He takes the scissors from her wordlessly. Thomas watches CCTV footage of Simon meeting Adele, while Lena sneaks out of her house. Jerome tries to convince Claire that moving is the best thing for them all, but she is not sure. Their relationship seems to be improving though. Camille meets Frederic and tells him she is Alice, but Lena is less than happy to see her. They face off and Camille goes. Lena and Frederic begin to make love in a booth but when he sees her scar and asks what it is she freaks out and runs.

Simon goes to see Adele again, and this time, realising he is somehow real, she kisses him. This is monitored by Thomas, who has the whole house wired for sound and vision. Back in Miss Payet's apartment, her cats nose around her bleeding, dead body as she sprawls in a pool of her own blood.

QUESTIONS?

What has the dropping of the water level in the reservoir got to do with anything? It's being flagged as being important, but why?

What happened on the stairs, when Julie thought she was being attacked, but it turned out to be Victor?

Did the boy murder Miss Payet, to stop her from going to the police?

What were the pictures he was drawing? If, as they looked to be, they were murders, is he a child killer, and is Julie in danger? Given the fate of the nosy neighbour, you would have to guess that the answer to both questions is yes. But then, he wants to stay with Julie so did he just murder --- if he did --- Miss Payet out of necessity, to stop her from having them split up? And if that's true, what other lengths is he prepared to go to to keep them together?

CONNECTIONS

We now know that there is a very definite link between Julie and Laure, that they were in fact what appears to have been lovers, and that the attack on Julie drove them apart. Like Lena about Camille, it's quite possible that Laure feels guilty for having left Julie to walk home alone. Had she gone with her, or convinced her to stay, Julie might not have been attacked. Now Julie is working for the police and in the uncomfortable position of having to both revisit her ex-lover and dredge up a past Julie would much rather remain buried.

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"Good news everybody!"

Notes on the end of season one.

So the first real question, as we wrap up season one of this series must be "did Groening get it right? Did he differentiate "Futurama" from his other global brand, the phenomenal "Simpsons"?" I know that's technically two questions but there you go. Well, in the first season you can see that there is some small reliance on the "parent series", but that soon diminishes and "Futurama" stands steadily on its own two feet. Never really free from the threat of the Network axe, it would in fact be cancelled twice, the second time (so far) holding no reprieve. In fairness, rather like Seth McFarlane's bloated "Family guy", after it was renewed the first time "Futurama" did really well, like someone given a second chance and determined to prove themselves, but in latter years and towards the end of the final season it seems to have slipped. But that is a story for a much later time.

For now, we can relax and enjoy the adventures of the weird and wonderful characters we've ben introduced to. There are semi-relationships developing between Fry and Bender, Fry and Leela and maybe even Fry and Amy, with others such as Zapp Branigan's hopeless quest to woo Leela and Zoidberg's hapless attempts to gain respect or indeed even recognition from anyone seeming doomed to failure. After the initial shock of waking a thousand years in the future, Fry has adapted rather quickly to life in the 31st century, and in many ways all he's done is updated his old lifestyle. He's still lazy, arrogant, easily bored and easily distracted. He's still in basically a dead-end job and really, nobody respects him. He had hoped to be captain of the Planet Express Ship, but Professor Farnsworth, despite being family, didnt even consider that idea. Not that surprising, as Fry has never flown anything in his life, much less a spaceship!

Some very cleevr ideas have been advanced in the series, with much more to come. The idea ofthe Mooon being a theme park is inspired, while the Trisolarians --- although incongruous --- are a totally new concept that works quite well. Groening and his team have explored, as do the Simpsons, social issues such as environmental resources, pollution, inequality and prejudice, and will delve into more weighty topics in future seasons, though always with a healthy does of humour and a satirical bent, sometimes at the series itself, utilising the old maxim, if you can't laugh at yourself who can you laugh at?

We've seen, too, the vital role that robots play inthe 31st century, and how it irks Bender that his brethern are, as he sees it, oppressed (though only when it means he can get out of work or make a fast buck, ideally both). Robots will continue to be a huge factor in "Futurama". We've already seen a whole planet run by robots --- who seem about as incompetent as humans --- and been introduced to the Church of Robotology, with its very real Robot Devil. Robots are subject to addictions too we see, though the alcohol Bender consumes, rather than be seen as a vice and something to avoid, is in fact vital for his proper operation, as we assume it is for all robots. Later we will learn of Robot Wrestling, robot doctors and the Robot Mafia --- the entire Robot Mafia --- and will even encounter robot ghosts!

There are many weird and ofbeat adventures to experience yet for the crew of the Planet Express Ship, and really up to season five and its first cancellation the quality hardly flags once. Even after that, when "Futurama" comes back after four full-length DVD movies and a fan campaign, it's as strong as ever. Perhaps the series will secure another, alternate channel for future seasons, but for now we have a whole lot to look forward to. To quote the opening episode: "Welcome to the world of tomorrow!"

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Season One, Episode Six
"Salvage"

James is disgusted with the news that Elizabeth is pregnant, both due to the stigma that attaches to the family and the fact that his plans for her to marry Albert Frazer are now in ruins. Elizabeth is unrepentant, and refuses to do as her brothers command, the only honourable way out of this dilemma for her, marriage to Daniel Fogarty. James however lays out her alternatives, which are not palatable either to them or to her. She can only go to the workhouse or sell her body on the street if her brothers disown her and turn her out of the family. The Charlotte Rhodes, meanwhile, on the way home is caught in a terrible storm, a "widowmaker", which has already claimed two ships before it, and in great distress.

Frazer reminds James that he has agreed to meet him at noon for a demonstration of the shipbuilder's new steam ship, an appointment James has neither time for nor interest in, but he does not want to insult Frazer and so he must attend. One of the crew's wives, seeking an advance on her husband's wages before he comes home, lands Robert in trouble when she lets slip that he has helped her before, something that James does not look kindly upon. Before he has a chance to berate his brother though news comes through that the Charlotte Rhodes has been sighted but is in bad shape and may sink. James snaps to Robert that he couldn't afford to insure the ship, so if she goes down they lose everything.

When Callon hears of the ship's fate, and more, that she is not insured, he and his son hatch a plan to salvage it and its cargo, especially when he sees that Baines and the crew have been taken off to safety and the ship is now afloat. Baines brings more bad news, that the sailor whose wife was trying to get credit, George Bascombe, has been washed overboard. However there is also good news, of a sort: the ship is on fire. Why is that good news? Well, for one thing a ship on fire does not lend itself to be salvaged, so Callon will be spited. But more importantly, part of the cargo is hides, and with the ship letting in water they will be damp, so will smoulder but not catch fire, so there will be smoke but not too much actual flame. James can save the ship, if only he can get out there before Callon. But as Baines says, the Lady Sylvia is the fastest ship in port. Or is she?

Rushing to his appointment with Frazer he asks him to help get him out to his ship, and though Frazer is doubtful, he cannot resist the chance to prove to Onedin how superior to sail steam is. And so the race is on, between the fastest sailing ship currently in Liverpool and Frazer's new, untested "floating kettle". At first all seems to go well and they catch the sailing ship, then pass her. But soon after accomplishing this task there is a problem and the steam ship breaks down. While it's becalmed, the Lady Sylvia catches up again and passes them. Once Frazer fixes the problem though they again pass the sailing ship and eventually reach the Charlotte Rhodes before Callon's ship can, managing to get her safely home.

Fogarty returns to Liverpool, and the two Onedin brothers go to see him: a matter of their sister's honour must be settled. After the fight Fogarty agrees he will marry Elizabeth, but not because James orders him to. Unfortunately, the fiery Elizabeth has other ideas and refuses. When James ominously reminds her of the consequences of her refusal, Sarah sticks up for her, declaring that if she is forced out of the house she will go with her, and the brothers are left at an impasse.


QUOTES
James: "Just remember this, Elizabeth. An unmarried woman with child, disowned and with no money of her own has but two destinations: workhouse or the street!"

Baines: "What does he have in mind?"
Robert: "Don't ask me! I'm only his partner! He expects me to go running after him: well, he's wrong!" (He pauses, looks at Baines with a resigned expression and runs after James)

Anne (to Elizabeth): "Life is full of traps for us women, and despite all your fine talk of independence you've fallen into the oldest trap of all."

FAMILY

SARAH
Far from the high-flying lifestyle she believed would come from her husband joining forces with James in his new venture, Sarah has seen nothing but hardships. The wives of every crewman besiege her door, looking for an advance on their man's wages --- "only a few shillin's!" --- and she is heartsick. She is beginning to regret encouraging Robert to sign on the line with James now. What has it brought them but misery, and now another mouth to feed, and less money to go round? And worst of all, if the Charlotte Rhodes, their only ship, should founder now, and without insurance...

She is further scandalised by the fact that Albert Frazer continues to call on Elizabeth --- but why would he not? He knows nothing of her condition. Sarah tells her she must tell him to stop calling on her.

EDMUND CALLON
Over the course of one episode, Callon's son has underwent something of a dramatic change. In the previous episode, in which he was introduced to us, he seemed less beliggerent than his father, frowning on the crimping of Baines and almost sympathetic to the Onedins; perhaps he had a sneaking admiration for someone who would take on his father's collossus with just one ship. But now, it is he who suggests salvaging the Charlotte Rhodes, and as the steam ship breaks down after passing them he stands in the stern of the Lady Sylvia, cackling like a pantomime villain. He seems to have performed a complete about-turn in his attitude towards James and his brother. I personally consider this very bad writing; a character, especially one so recently introduced to the storyline, should not change so drastically in so short a time. What's next? James feeding orphans and providing free passage?

ELIZABETH
Pushed by her brothers into marriage, and knowing that Fogarty only asks her now because of the child, Elizabeth sticks to her guns and refuses his offer. She knows this may result in her being kicked out of the house and the family --- James has warned her of as much --- and does not know of Sarah's solidarity towards her, but she would rather live her own life, independent and penniless if need be, than conform to James's ideas for her. She must also realise that there is "another port in a storm" she can fly to: surely Albert will be delighted to take her in? But what of the scandal? And what of Frazer's relationship with James? He has already mentioned that he sees the trip out to the Charlotte Rhodes as a demonstration for a potential customer, and hopes James will at some point engage him to build steam ships. Will he jeopardise that possible future business relationship for love? And what about the baby? Will be be content to raise another man's child?

ALBERT FRAZER
Frazer knows how the wind blows, and he knows that all captains depend on it, but he has seen the tide turning and knows that steam is the future. The shortest distance between two points, he tells James, is a straight line, and the ship that can move without needing to bend to the vagaries of wind direction has to be superior. Of course, steam ships also represent a great danger, being an untried technology and still at this point pretty much in its infancy, but Frazer has faith in them. His success in getting James to his ship, outpacing the fastest sailing ship in port, has to be seen as a major triumph for him, and for the new propulsion method, despite the hitches.

A LIFE ON THE OCEAN WAVE

The arrangement for payment of a sailor's wages was thus in 1860: half of a month's salary on presentation of a note to the shipping line, given the wife on departure, and the rest on arrival of the ship home. I have to presume this is to protect against the line paying out for a man who did not return home, whether he was lost at sea or perhaps jumped ship, never to be seen again. Seems harsh but then that would appear to have been the practice of the time.

TIGHTFIST

When the Charlotte Rhodes has been saved, and James instructs Robert to pay off the dues and to pay the sailors, he asks what about Mrs Bascombe, the lady who was looking for credit against the arrival of her husband. But George was washed overboard, and James gruffly replies that she can be paid for the two days her husband worked, and no more, as he did not complete the voyage. Life at sea is hard, and there is no room for sentiment. Well, apart from Robert that is. Whether he's just soft-hearted or afraid to face his convictions I've never been quite sure, but he promises to pay Mrs Bascombe in full, contrary to his brother's orders.

MANNERS AND MORES

I've written already about the social stigma a pregnant, unmarried woman carried in the time of this series, but the two brothers directly blame Fogarty, believing he seduced their sister. They cannot countenance the possibility that she instigated the tryst, even though she hints at such. Any such admission receives sharp rebuke from James --- he actually hits her --- because if it were true it would make an already intolerably bad situation much worse. Choosing then to believe that all the blame lies with Fogarty, James calls him out and, to satisfy honour in the old-fashioned way they brawl, as James takes his frustations out on the other man, though he takes many knocks himself.

Interestingly, though Robert does not take part in the fight, it is he who tries to defuse the situation slightly, by offering his hand to Fogarty as he gets up, a hand Daniel brutally shakes off. He is not ready to forgive and be friends. His pride has been hurt, as well as his body, and he most likely resents the fact that he is the last to hear of Elizabeth's condition, when he should have been the first. Well, she did try to tell him before he left, but he wasn't listening to her.

HISTORY LESSONS

Although it's been referred to before, mostly in passing, this is the first episode where we really see the new technology of steam challenge the old, and sail loses out in the main. Though Frazer's ship suffers from its hiccups, it ends up easily beating Callon's fastest to the Charlotte Rhodes and James, despite his front of indifference, is impressed. He can begin to see how these "floating kettles" could be a massive advantage for the man who is prepared to take a risk. But he lists the failings of the steam ships too: difficult to repair, break down easily, new and therefore untrustworthy technology. Have to carry coal as fuel and therefore that leaves less room for cargo. Dangerous, to be sure. And dirty; the steam from the funnel as it passes the Lady Sylvia is noxious and makes men sputter and cough as the cloud briefly envelops them.

But steam is the way forward, as we know. In twenty or thirty years sailing ships will be gone as the dominant mode of transport, and soon will be relegated to the position of pleasure craft only, while steam will go on to fuel bigger and more powerful and luxurious passenger liners, as passengers who once feared the wind and captains who were forced to steer by it now generally ignore it. The shortest distance between two points is indeed a straight line, as Frazer points out to Onedin, and steam ships will make that straight line an attainable grail for sailors in the very near future.

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Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018