The Batlord

How Joey DeMaio from Manowar and I Struck a Blow to the Forces of False Metal

So, one day, a while ago, I was at a Trivium show in some shitty club. I wasn't there to see the "band", cause fuck Trivium; I had just snuck in to take a shit. Of course, I wasn't gonna go anywhere near those Herpes infected toilets at the venue, so I just used the nearest trashcan. After I wiped my ass with a t-shirt I stole from the merch stand, I saw that some guy I was walking by had a Slayer shirt on. So, thinking that I had found a fellow Defender of the Faith waiting to use the trashcan, I asked him what another fan of True Metal was doing at this shit factory. Then he actually told me, "I don't really like Slayer. Slayer sucks. I just wanted to look old school. Trivium rules." After I had left him in a pool of his own blood and broken teeth and stolen his wallet, I went for the door. Then a bunch of his pansy ass butt buddies came up to me like they wanted to kick my ass, and I told them, "Bring it on fuckwads! True Metalheads aren't scared of a bunch of poseur toolbags like you!" Of course I wasn't gonna back down from a bunch of dickless dickbeaters like these, but the truth was that there were simply too many of them. I guess their kind had become so terrified of True Believers such as myself that they had no choice but to travel in packs for protection. Pussies. Just then, Joey DeMaio of Manowar walked in to steal Trivium's groupies, and he saw my Iron Maiden t-shirt and quickly realized what was happening. So, he threw me a broadsword and we proceeded to waylay the horde of scrotum sniffers. Many deeds of renown were done in the next thirty seconds, after which we drank blood from the skulls of our enemies and belched mightily. In order to relax after this display of bitchin' carnage, we then recited "The Warrior's Prayer", gathered the dead poseurs' girlfriends, and had an orgy on stage while Trivium looked on in despair and cried like little bitches. Awesome.

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