The Batlord

The Return of the Kings of Metal: Part V continued...

` ` `"Well, whatever the fuck is going on," I declared, "Now we know who the enemy is, and now it's time to properly wreck Tipper Gore's shit!"

` ` `"That-"

` ` `"Yeah, yeah, we know, Kerry," I interrupted, "Tipper Gore is indeed a bitch." Turning to the oracles I inquired, "Great ones, where can we find this poseur skank?"

` ` `"First you must go east across the Desert of Nephren-ka and come to the Mountains of Madness," replied Al Cisneros, "Beyond is the haunted Dunwich Forest, which you must cross to reach the city of Innsmouth. From there you must travel by boat to the forbidden island of Thergothon. It is there that you shall find R'lyeh, the false metal tower of the poseur sorceress. It is there that your journey shall end."

` ` `"Wait, wait, wait!" cried Joey, "Mountains of Madness? Dunwich Forest? Forbidden island of Thergothon? R'lyeh?! Just how much can you rip off Lovecraft? Whoever named these places sounds like a fucking moron."

` ` `"Shut up, Joey," I said.

` ` `Turning my attention back to the oracles I addressed them, "Dudes, we can't thank you enough for your help, and I promise that we will never forget Metaliana. Now we have to go kick some fucking poseur ass. Peace out."

` ` `But as we turned to depart, Chris Hakius leveled his finger at me, "Never has there been a True Metalhead the likes of those that once walked the streets of Kadath. But within you is reborn the spirit of the king. Within you resides the most powerful affinity for True Metal that has walked the Earth for millenia. The First sees this and ever is his eye upon you. One day, there shall be a reckoning, and you and he shall meet again on the field of battle to decide the fate of True Metal, and this time one of you shall perish forever."

` ` `And then the oracles spoke no more.

` ` `With many questions left unanswered, we had little choice but to turn around and go back from whence we came. We passed again the gilded doors, we passed the wall carvings whose scenes now seemed as tragic as they had once seemed grand, we passed the great statues still weakly glimmering with the Light of True Metal, all the while longing to see them ablaze with Light as they had been thousands of years ago, and finally we came to the staircase, which we had left less than an hour ago, though it felt like an eternity.

` ` `"Je-sus," remarked Joey while we were ascending the staircase, "What a mind job."

` ` `"Indeed," replied Oscar sadly, "Never had I dreamed that such magnificence had ever existed. Or that it could be turned into such nightmare."

` ` `"No, I mean that this douche could be some kinda True Metal chosen one," he quipped, jerking his thumb at me, "Dude can't even stand up to his psycho bitch wife."

` ` `"Shut up, Joey," I snapped, "And if you wanna start sucking my dick from the back then be my guest. Otherwise I'm willing to put up with my psycho bitch wife."

` ` `"You should not speak so of your lady wife," scolded Oscar, "A Truer Metalhead you shall never find. Her devotion rivals even your own, my friend."

` ` `"Yeah," said Kerry, "Remember when she broke that dude's jaw in the pit at that Autopsy show?"

` ` `"Hey, that was me!" yelled Joey.

` ` `"I know," chortled Kerry, "That shit was awesome!"

` ` `Joey silently fumed as we all pointed and laughed at him.

` ` `We were still chuckling as we reached the top of the staircase and emerged into the pre-dawn light of the desert. "It appears that we have been away for longer than we had believed," observed Oscar.

` ` `"It appears so," I replied, "Fuck me, I was hoping to get a few hours shut eye and maybe rub one out before we had to leave." At the very least I could finally have a cigarette, but before I could grab for my pack, Joey, as always, had something to say...

` ` `"Uh...dude?" asked Joey.

` ` `"Yeah?"

` ` `"We have to get to the Mountains of Madness, right?"

` ` `"Yeah."

` ` `"And to get there we have to get across the desert, right?"

` ` `"Yeah."

` ` `"And the desert's still filled with sandworms, right?"

` ` `"...Yeah."

` ` `"So we're still just as fucked as before, right?"

` ` `"...Fuck me."

` ` `Then, seemingly from every direction at once, erupted a woman's wild, scornful laughter, "What fools these brainless apes be! Defeated by annelids! It seems that that the only things that True Metalheads are good for are growing unfortunate facial hair and mating with overweight women in need of father figures."

` ` `The insults had hit rather close to home, but that bitch didn't need to know that.

` ` `"Hey!" retorted Kerry, "My beard is fortunate as hell! Do you have any idea just how many fine ass bitches would love to sit on my chine?"

` ` `Frantically we scoured the area in every direction for the source of the voice, but it seemed to be coming from out of thin air. "Show yourself!" challenged Oscar, "You are brave enough to hurl insults while hiding like a rat! Let us see if you have the mettle to do so to our faces!"

` ` `"As you wish, ape," replied the voice with contempt, "But if you'll forgive me, I have more pressing matters to deal with than conversing with cretins, so we'll have to do this by...Skype."

` ` `No sooner had her smug tittering died when suddenly the desert in front of the rocky outcropping where we stood erupted into a rapidly intensifying maelstrom of sand. Wailing, gale-force winds buffeted us mercilessly with dust and grit, forcing us to desperately throw our arms over our faces in a vain attempt to protect ourselves.

` ` `"You sure told her, Oscar!" cried Joey over the shrieking winds, "Way to bring the hammer down!"

` ` `"Be silent, Joseph!"

` ` `Soon the sandstorm died down, leaving only a thin sandspout no wider than a man swirling in front of us. And floating in the middle was a crude face fashioned out of sand that sneered at us in amused scorn. "Is this more to your satisfaction, my sweet little troglodytes?" mocked the voice, "Please forgive the dramatics, but I'm sure that any True Metalhead of the Highest Caliber should be used to a face full of powder."

` ` `"Damn fucking right, bitch!" I countered, spitting out a mouthful of dirt and wiping sand from my eyes, "I'm guessing you're Tipper fucking Gore?"

` ` `"I see you have been hearing tales from Braindead Fred and Piss-Test Dread Ned," replied the sorceress in amusement, "I am indeed she, and I am indeed the one who has raised the poseur army, and I am indeed the one who shall soon grind your pathetic little kingdom into the dust, and I would like to know what you intend to do about it," she finished with a contemptuous smirk.

` ` `"Well, first and foremost I think we're gonna kill the fuck outta you", I casually retorted, "And then it'll be time to do away your bitchass master. After that I imagine I'll be needing a blow job and a pizza."

` ` `The sorceress hooted with laughter, "'Do away'?! With the First?! Have you been dropped on your head one too many times crowd surfing? Even the greatest, or at least the least pathetic of your kind, couldn't 'do away' with my master. Do you really think that trash such as you stand a chance?"

` ` `"Hey! One man's trash is another man's treasure!" Joey shot back, "And we're gonna fucking bury you!"

` ` `"Um, Joey..." I said, looking at him in puzzlement, "I'm pretty sure it's the treasure that gets buried."

` ` `"Man, why're you siding with her?"

` ` `"Why are you so stupid?"

` ` `"Shut up!"

` ` `"Fuck off!"

` ` `Snorting in derision, Tipper Gore declared, "Well, I'm certainly shaking in my boots now. But I certainly wouldn't want to see such 'determination' end up in the gullet of a sandworm, so I'm going to be magnanimous and give you all a 'helping hand'."

` ` `"The fuck are you talking about, you old whore?" I asked suspiciously.

` ` `"I'm going to give you...a lift," she replied with a chuckle, "I believe you are headed to the Mountains of Madness, correct? I'm such a wonderful person that I'm going to help you cross the desert."

` ` `And suddenly the sandstorm returned with even greater violence than before, surging wildly around us, but this time we were in the center of the maelstrom.

` ` `Cackling with demented glee, Tipper Gore called to us over the keening winds, "Don't worry, my little alcoholic chimps! You're in good hands, so to speak! Is there anything that you would like to say before we part?"

` ` `"Yeah!" I retorted, arms thrown over my face, "Tell your husband I like to take thirty-minute showers and leave the lights on even if I'm not in the room!"

` ` `Her burst of scornful laughter was drowned out as the winds began to intensify even further. I tried to find my companions in the tempest of sand, but I could barely even walk through the ever-strengthening gusts. Soon I was nearly unable to stand when a furious burst of wind hurled me into the air, but rather than hit the ground I was swept up into the vortex and tossed about like a ragdoll, rising higher and higher into the air.
` ` `I quickly became disoriented as I was being violently flung to and fro in the storm, and the contents of my stomach were emptied into the sand. Slowly I began to lose consciousness as all of the blood in my body shot to my brain, and the last thing I remembered before everything went black were the gales of cackling laughter of Tipper Gore.

__________________

Unknown Soldier

Gotta ask you, how much time do you take in choosing the music for these stories? As most of the time the song choices are spot on and go with what's being written. There is an interesting mix of extreme metals on this thread and really dig that Nile song.

__________________
Metal Wars

Power Metal

Pounding Decibels- A Hard and Heavy History

The Batlord

Usually it's actually pretty easy. For the last two I obviously needed something "epic" and preferably ambientish. Skepticism was an obvious choice, and Om just happened to fit perfectly and be relevant. The Nile one was slightly a pain in the ass though, since I knew that only Nile would do, but I'm also not that up on Nile, so I had to do some searching. It is a great song though.

__________________

Unknown Soldier

Ok now hurry up and write the next chapter for us.

__________________
Metal Wars

Power Metal

Pounding Decibels- A Hard and Heavy History

The Batlord

Shut thy face! I needed a week to recharge my batteries, but it's mostly done and should be up sometime next week.

__________________

The Batlord

The Return of the Kings of Metal: Part VI

` ` `I awoke to the musical warbling of a myriad of birds, the sweet smell of fresh and rotting vegetation, and the feel of warm sunlight caressing my closed eyelids. Blinking against the glare, I opened my eyes and saw that I was staring up at a crystal blue sky through a veil of pine branches. The extreme heat and cold of the desert had been replaced by an invigorating chill. I slowly sat up with a groan at my stiff, aching muscles, and surveyed my surroundings: I appeared to be laying on a blanket of dirt, grass, and pine needles on the gentle slope of a thickly-wooded hillside, though the screen of trees blocking out much of the view made it hard to be sure.

` ` `Alas, there were no slutty farmgirls in sight.

` ` `Laying about me, unconscious, were my companions, Oscar and Kerry. And Joey. Unfortunately. Quickly, I roused them, shaking Oscar and Kerry, and throwing dirt at Joey until he awoke, thrashing and cursing my name.

` ` `"Where the fuck are we?" asked Joey, standing up groggily, and spitting out a mouthful of dirt.

` ` `"If I was to hazard a guess," replied Oscar, "I would say that Tipper Gore has dropped us into the Mountains of Madness as she promised."

` ` `"Why the fuck would she do that?" demanded Kerry in puzzlement, "She's a fucking poseur."

` ` `"Cause she doesn't give a fuck about us," I declared, "She wanted us to know that we are beneath her notice by putting us in her power and not destroying us. Tipper Whore is playing games with us."

` ` `"That bitch!"

` ` `"So what are we gonna do now?" inquired Joey.

` ` `"We proceed as planned," I replied.

` ` `"But isn't that, I don't know, kinda fucking retarded? If she knows we're coming, then isn't just going straight toward her gonna lead us into a deathtrap?"

` ` `"I'm with Joey," murmured Kerry, "There's no sense in just walking straight down the dragon's throat."

` ` `Smirking, I remarked to Kerry, "First the sandworms, and now some fucking witch? Don't tell me you're losing your nerve, you pussy."

` ` `With a glower, Kerry growled, "There's nothing wrong with being...cautious, when fucking with some shit. Shit that can eat a building and shit that can suck you into a fucking tornado count. I'm just saying, why not come up with a new plan?"

` ` `"Cause we don't have time for a new plan," I sighed, "We don't even have enough time for this 'plan' now that we've lost our horses. We don't even have enough fucking time to hang around here sucking each other's dicks, so let's make sure we have all our supplies and get the fuck out of here."

` ` `Joey and Kerry traded uncertain looks, but they still moved to check their baggage. "How the hell do we even have any supplies?" asked Joey, "Our horses must have run off with most of them, the river should have washed away or ruined the rest, and if by some miracle something had actually survived, then it should've been used up when we were in the desert for Dio knows how long."

` ` `"Shut up, Joey," I snapped.

` ` `"Don't tell me to shut up, you crusty old tampon! If I can keep making all this self-deprecating, fourth wall humor, then what does that say about this whole 'plan'? If we can't even figure out how to make provisions believable then how the hell are we gonna take down a sorceress? 'Don't have time' my ass! That just sounds like we're so concerned with making dumb metal jokes we can't even be bothered to come up with a plan better than, 'Alright, see this spot on the map labeled "Point A"? We'll use this as our starting point, and then make our way more or less in a straight line until we reach our objective, which shall henceforth be referred to as "Point B".'"

` ` `"Joey, shut the fuck up. You're fucking with forces best left unfucked with."

` ` `"Oh, what's gonna happen?" he taunted, throwing up his hands in mock horror, "Am I gonna meet an untimely death set to a Manowar song?"

` ` `Glaring daggers at Joey, I balled up my fists and stepped forward, intent on beating his ass into next payday, when Oscar stepped between us, holding up his hands to keep us apart, "Please, my friends," he soothed, "We have already had enough strife between us in the last two days. We must not fight amongst ourselves."

` ` `"He's right," remarked Joey, "This whole scene seems suspiciously familiar. Perhaps even a bit, I don't know...rehashed? Next, you'll be threatening me with some cheesy Anthrax reference."

` ` `Expressionless, my voice the whisper of steel, I lightly grasped Gram's hilt, "Shut up. I don't wanna hear your mouth. I am the law here, and if you wanna stay among the living then don't tell me how to do my job."

` ` `"Wow...I'm speechless."

` ` `This is over. Now hurry the fuck up and get your shit together," turning away from him, I addressed everyone, "We move out in five."

` ` `Dissent quieted for the moment, we set off to the top of the hill to survey the land around us. The summit was much less densely wooded than the slopes, and so when we reached it we were afforded a relatively unobstructed view. To the west were the sands of Nephren-Ka from whence we had come, now distant. Where it ended began the foothills of the Mountains of Madness; wooded, rolling mounds of earth that grew higher and steeper the farther east they crept. And immediately to the east, starting at the foot of the large hill where we stood, rose the towering heights of the Mountains of Madness. Shrouded in mist, and capped with snow and ice, they were an imposing obstacle made of jagged rock and unscalable cliffs that promised at the least great hardship...and possibly death.

` ` `Shading his eyes against the glare of the afternoon sun reflecting off of the snow cap of the nearest mountain, which towered menacingly over us, Oscar proclaimed, "Behold the Mountains of Madness. Their nearness to Nephren-Ka means that no trade routes exist through their few passes, so their primordial wilderness is largely unexplored and untamed. The dwarves, in ages past, once mined for gold in their reaches, but the veins have long since dried up, and the mountains have since swallowed up any trace of civilization. It is said that now they are infested with goblins...and worse. I suspect that our crossing shall be perilous."

` ` `"Dwarves? In Poland?" asked Joey, perplexed, "Or is this Belarus? Or maybe Ukraine? Nah, I'm pretty sure we're too far north to be in Ukraine. Still, I don't remember hearing about dwarves in any of those places. Maybe in Latvia..."

` ` `"Anyway," I growled, glaring sidelong at Joey, who pretended not to notice, "I don't see any passes around here, which means we're gonna have to scale that big motherfucker," I said, gazing up at the mountain, "There's no way I want to start going up that bitch in the dark, but we've lost too much daylight already today, so I wanna get as far as we can in whatever light we have left."

` ` `We made camp at the base of the hill, between it and the mountain, which we had dubbed "The Great Tit" in honor of Kerry's favorite songbird. Our sleep after Tipper Gore's "help" had evidently not been particularly restful, because we fell fast asleep almost immediately after a supper that was rather meager since our supplies were now apparently running low. At dawn, we awoke and quickly resumed our journey.
` ` `Our ascent began easily enough; the wooded lower slopes were pathless, but the undergrowth was relatively light, and the incline gentle. We made swift progress for the first hour or so, but soon, great stone crags began to block our path, forcing us to make long detours. As we climbed ever higher, the terrain became more and more rugged and steep, until it was all that we could do to make any headway through the maze of rocks. Eventually, we stumbled onto a cliff that rose almost straight upwards, soaring high above our heads, and blocking our path completely. Fearing that we would be forced to double back, we conducted a quick search of the surrounding area, and discovered a narrow shelf of rock that ran along the cliff on the left side, and abruptly dropped straight down into open space on the right, plunging hundreds of feet before terminating in a boulder-strewn ravine in-between this and another cliff. With no other choice, we cautiously stepped out onto the narrow ledge, our eyes averted from the dizzying drop to our right.
` ` `The shelf was even more treacherous than it had first appeared; it was barely five feet wide, and while we were able to walk without pressing ourselves against the sheer cliff face, strong, howling winds pulled at our clothes, and the uneven ground, which was weak and crumbling in places, meant that we had to be constantly aware of where we placed our feet.

` ` `"God damn it!" exclaimed Joey, about ten feet in front of me, "Why can't this be the Plains of Madness? There's always gotta some fucking desert or a mountain or a haunted forest. And what's with this cliff? This just seems like an obvious plot device for someone or something to fall or almost fall."

` ` `With an exasperated sigh, I rolled my eyes and reached into the left front breast pocket of my jean jacket for my cigarettes...but they weren't there. Nor were they in the right pocket, or the pockets of my jeans. In growing panic, I frantically searched every inch of my clothing, but they were nowhere to be found. "Where the fuck are my cigarettes?!" I raged.

` ` `"Oh, I think I have them," I heard from in front of me. Snapping my head up, I saw Joey holding up a beautifully sensual, red and white pack of Marlboro Red 100 cigarettes, and looking slightly unnerved by the feverish glint in my eyes. "You, uh...let me have them a little while ago when I asked you for a smoke. I...I guess I just forgot to hand them back. Sorry."

` ` `Give them to me," I growled, "Now."

` ` `"Um...sure," and then he made to toss them over to me.

` ` `"NO, DON'T!"

` ` `But it was too late. He lightly tossed them with an underhand throw, and, as if in slow motion, they ever-so-slowly sailed through the air towards me. I held out my hands to catch them, but just as they reached the top of their arc, a sudden gust of wind caught the cigarettes...and blew them out over the edge of the rocks. I watched in horror as they plummeted down and down, until they disappeared from my sight hundreds of feet below. I slowly craned my neck upwards, and fixed my eyes on Joey, gaping at him in shock and disbelief.

` ` `He was now looking downright alarmed under my blank stare, and offered up a weak smile.

` ` `"Oops?"

` ` `"Oops?" then set off a chain reaction, starting with my full return to the planet Earth, and ending with my hands forming into claws intent upon seizing Joey by the neck and hurling him off the side of the cliff, so that my ears might drink in the sound of his screams before they were abruptly cut off as his body was pulped against the rocks below.
` ` `But I was brought up short by Oscar, who, anticipating my reaction, had rushed up from behind me and was now restraining me as I kicked and spit, trying to escape, "Get the fuck off me! He must die for what he's done! They were innocent!"

` ` `"Please calm down, my friend!" pleaded Oscar, "This is neither the time nor the place for this. You will only kill the both of you!"

` ` `"I don't care! He dies!"

` ` `"Joseph!" cried Oscar, "Perhaps you should continue on and scout ahead while I attempt to calm him."

` ` `With a frightened nod of his head, Joey turned around without another word and scurried off down the path, occasionally casting fearful looks back over his shoulder, until he rounded a bend in the cliff and disappeared.

` ` `When he had scampered out of sight, my blinding rage deflated and I slumped in Oscar's grasp, sighing in resignation, "You can let me go now. Now the only thing I want is a smoke."

` ` `"Well," Kerry piped up from behind us, "I got one out of your pack from Joey earlier, and I was saving it, but it looks like you need it more than I do."

` ` `"Bless you," I breathed, in profound gratitude, as I accepted the cigarette from Kerry with trembling fingers after Oscar had released me. Holding it up, I passed it under my nose and inhaled the scent of rancid chocolate in ecstasy. Putting it reverently up to my lips, I raised my lighter to the tip and savored the moment of anticipation, before finally lighting the end and inhaling a hot cloud of pure joy into my lovingly charred lungs. I closed my eyes in rapture and held the smoke in for several long seconds, finally exhaling through my nose.

` ` `Is there anything more beautiful than a softly billowing cloud of cigarette smoke as it wafts through the crisp mountain air of a cloudless, blue day? No, there isn't.

` ` `Perhaps you were a tad...hard on Joseph," ventured Oscar, when I had returned to myself.

` ` `"Fuck that," I grumbled, "Dude dropped my last pack of smokes. My last pack! I've teabagged men for less. It's always something with that asshole. He always finds a new way to piss me the fuck off."

` ` `"He can certainly be...vexing," admitted Oscar, "But as with a younger brother, your ire shall soon pass. I only ask that you refrain from murder until then."

` ` `"I make no promises," I stated, "Well, we've wasted enough time on this bullshit. It's time we got this show back on the road."

` ` `Nodding, Kerry and Oscar followed me as we continued on our way. After nearly an hour, the ledge began to rise and widen, eventually reaching the top of the cliff, where there was a relatively level meadow full of dry, brown, waist-high grass, and numerous large, granite boulders. About fifty yards ahead, the meadow became a stand of trees that rose steeply before seeming to pass around the side of the mountain and come out on the other side. It seemed that we had finally reached the home stretch.

` ` `Until the next mountain.

` ` `In our relief, we almost failed to see the winged form lazily soaring high above our heads, obscured by the bright rays of the sun.

` ` `Shading his eyes, Kerry pointed up at the dark shape gliding in a circle over us, "Hey, what the fuck is that?"

` ` `"It appears to be a vulture," observed Oscar, squinting up, "Though its great height makes it difficult to be certain."

` ` `"Then that must be one big motherfucking vulture," I declared, putting my hand to Gram's hilt.

` ` `As we gazed up in trepidation, the flying creature slowly began to descend in wide circles, drawing closer and closer with every loop. Soon we were finally able to make out details; it was far larger than any vulture, and seemed to be at least forty feet long; rather than feathers, it was covered in a layer of dark green scales that glittered like emeralds in the sun; the pale green wings were like those of a massive bat, and fluttered in the wind like the sails of a ship; it had no front legs, but its powerful back legs ended in cruel talons that could easily pluck a man into the air in the blink of an eye; it ended in a wicked tail that was held stiffly out behind it, guiding its descent; and its head, at the end of a long, sinuous neck, was the triangular shape of a reptile, with rows of sword-like teeth in its mouth, and was topped with several six-foot long horns.




` ` `"That's a fucking wyvern," I murmured, eyes wide in shock, as it turned toward us and folded its wings against its long, scaly body, before abruptly plummeting through the air toward us like a comet.

` ` `"Run, you dumb cunts!" I screamed, sprinting for the nearest boulder, quickly followed by Kerry and Oscar.

` ` `At the last possible second, the wyvern spread its leathery wings with a snap as they caught air, bringing it out of its dive to glide through the air toward us. It then opened its jaws with a great intake of air and unleashed a torrent of flame down upon us as we cowered behind the rocks, raking the ground in a long line as it soared over our heads. The blast of burning wind that buffeted us at its passing only served to fan the searing blaze that was now consuming the desiccated grass like a tinderbox, blowing noxious smoke all around us.
` ` `Its strafing run complete, the wyvern let loose a bestial shriek of triumph that reverberated off the walls of mountains stone, before banking right and disappearing around an outcropping of rock.

` ` `"Sweet, merciful fuck!" I exclaimed, coughing and gasping for air in the choking fumes, "Is everybody okay?"

` ` `Oscar nodded, struggling for breath, and Kerry, putting out several embers that had nearly set his beard on fire, called out, "Fuck yeah! Finally something I can actually fight!"

` ` `"Good idea, Kerry!" I replied, "How about I lure the wyvern to the ground with several cutting remarks about its mother, and then you hit it in the head with an ax? It's brilliant!"

` ` `"Then what the fuck do you think we should do?" he growled.

__________________

The Batlord

The Return of the Kings of Metal: Part VI continued...

` ` `I quickly surveyed the area around us; we had reached the boulder just in time to escape the flames, but the bone-dry grass around us was swiftly becoming an inferno that was surrounding us and blocking my sight.

` ` `I quickly surveyed the area around us; we had reached the boulder just in time to escape the flames, but the bone-dry grass around us was swiftly becoming an inferno that was surrounding us and blocking my sight.

` ` `"There!" I proclaimed, pointing toward the trees, "The trees don't look nearly as dry as the grass."

` ` `"And hopefully we can find Joseph and put his bow to good use against the wyvern," interjected Oscar.

` ` `"Yeah, yeah, yeah."

` ` `"Man," mused Kerry, looking at me, "We get attacked by some monster, and then you point to some place we gotta run to? Joey was right. This is some rehashed crap."

` ` `"Shut up, Kerry."

` ` `"What?"

` ` `"Uh...nothing. Let's get outta here."

` ` `Wasting no time, we hurtled through the brittle grass, desperately trying to keep ahead of the flames licking at our heels. The conflagration was spreading like...well, wildfire, but the Light of True Metal imbued our legs with a fleetness of foot that kept us just ahead of them. It wasn't long before the line of trees began looming over us. But just as we thought that we were home free, from above came an ear-splitting shriek.
` ` `I snapped my head up to the sky only to see the wyvern dropping from the sky directly above my head, unfurling its wings and with razor-sharp talons extended, stretching out towards me. I had just enough time to raise Gram in defense, before the beast was upon me.
` ` `A claw like iron seized my torso in a vice-like grip, and in an instant, I had been snatched from the ground and carried off into the air. My arms were crushed against my sides and unable to move an inch, but I still managed to keep hold of my sword. I frantically kicked my legs, but the wyvern's other talon clamped down on them, and I was completely unable to move.
` ` `The creature seemed content to hold me motionless, and made no other attempt to harm me, but I had no idea where we were headed; I could just crane my head around to see in front of us, but all there was to see was sky and stone and trees, otherwise I was reduced to gazing at the jagged terrain under my face flying past me. I tried to shout several cutting remarks about the wyvern's mother, but my voice was lost in the frigid, biting wind, and soon my teeth were too busy chattering for me to say much of anything.
` ` `All of a sudden, the wyvern was rocked by an impact and let out an angry screech, but no matter how I turned my head, I couldn't make out what had happened. The beast soon recovered though, and continued flying on, but now it was gliding downwards, and started making slow spirals just as it had before it had attacked. Eventually, I saw that it was drifting down to a high, isolated spire of rock jutting up from between two mountains that towered over it. The very top of the spire was relatively flat and quite broad, over a hundred feet in diameter. Our lazy spin kept me slightly disoriented, so I wasn't able to discern any other details.
` ` `Without warning, the claws holding me retracted, and suddenly I was falling headlong toward the ground at an alarming speed. I gave a startled cry and was barely able to bring my arms up to cover my face before I hit the stone floor of the spire with a bone-jarring thud. Groaning, I rolled onto my back just in time to see and object drop right on top of me.
` ` `Wasting no time, we hurtled through the brittle grass, desperately trying to keep ahead of the flames licking at our heels. The conflagration was spreading like...well, wildfire, but the Light of True Metal imbued our legs with a fleetness of foot that kept us just ahead of them. It wasn't long before the line of trees began looming over us. But just as we thought that we were home free, from above came an ear-splitting shriek.
` ` `I snapped my head up to the sky only to see the wyvern dropping from the sky directly above my head, unfurling its wings and with razor-sharp talons extended, stretching out towards me. I had just enough time to raise Gram in defense, before the beast was upon me.
` ` `A claw like iron seized my torso in a vice-like grip, and in an instant, I had been snatched from the ground and carried off into the air. My arms were crushed against my sides and unable to move an inch, but I still managed to keep hold of my sword. I frantically kicked my legs, but the wyvern's other talon clamped down on them, and I was completely unable to move.
` ` `The creature seemed content to hold me motionless, and made no other attempt to harm me, but I had no idea where we were headed. I could just crane my head around to see in front of us, but all there was to see was sky and stone and trees, otherwise I was reduced to gazing at the jagged terrain under my face flying past me. I tried to shout several cutting remarks about the wyvern's mother, but my voice was lost in the frigid, biting wind, and soon my teeth were too busy chattering for me to say much of anything.
` ` `All of a sudden, the wyvern was rocked by an impact and let out an angry screech, but no matter how I turned my head, I couldn't make out what had happened. The beast soon recovered though, and continued flying on, but now it was gliding downwards, and started making slow spirals just as it had before it had attacked. Eventually I saw that the wyvern was drifting down to a high, isolated spire of rock jutting up from between two mountains that towered over it. The very top of the spire was relatively flat and quite broad, over a hundred feet in diameter. Our lazy spin kept me slightly disoriented, so I wasn't able to discern any other details.
` ` `Without warning, the claws holding me retracted, and suddenly I was falling headlong toward the ground at an alarming speed. I gave a startled cry and was barely able to bring my arms up to cover my face before I hit the stone floor of the spire with a bone-jarring thud. Groaning, I rolled onto my back just in time to see an object drop right on top of me.
` ` `The force of the fall, the impact of the unknown something, and its full weight now crushing my chest left me agonizingly gasping for air as I desperately struggled to disentangle myself from whatever had just crashed on top of me and was now frantically thrashing about. Finally, with one great heave, I managed to shove it off, and then roll to my feet, Gram held at the ready, and was met by the point of an arrow.

` ` `"Joey?!" I cried in astonishment, "What the fuck are you doing here?"

` ` `"Well, I was just strolling along, minding my own business," he quipped, lowering his bow, "When I just happened to see below me a wyvern carrying what appeared to be some bitchfit-throwing twat I knew, so I figured I'd jump off a cliff and hitch a ride."

` ` `I didn't know whether to punch him or hug him, so I settled for punching him.

` ` `"Ow! What the fuck's wrong with you?!" he cried, "You know, one of these days, I'm gonna shove a chill pill so far up your ass, happiness and joy are gonna kick your teeth out!"

` ` `Before I could reply, an ear-piercing shriek and a powerful gust of wind announced the return of the wyvern. We both snapped our heads around to see it beating its massive, leathery wings to brake for a landing on the edge of the platform of rock. Once it had settled to the ground, the dragon-like creature simply squatted on its haunches and stared at us expectantly.

` ` `"Uh..." murmured Joey, while keeping his eyes on the motionless reptile, "So, is that thing gonna eat us or what?"

` ` `"Do I look like I know anything about dragons?"

` ` `"Dude, wyverns aren't dragons."

` ` `"Who gives a shit?"

` ` `"The wyvern, I assume."

` ` `And then, from behind us came a sound halfway between a chirp and a croak, followed closely by several more just like it. Spinning around, weapons at the ready, we were confronted by what appeared to be three juvenile wyverns. Far smaller than the parent, they still towered head and shoulders above us. Their wings weren't fully developed and were kept folded at their sides, but their hind legs were perfectly formed and powerful. They gazed at us inquisitively, and bobbed their heads as if nervous.

` ` `"Oh," muttered Joey, "So those things are gonna eat us. It's always nice to take an active role in the molding of today's youth."

` ` `"I don't know what you're talking about," I retorted, "I've always thought kids were better at the bottom of a mass grave."

` ` `Our attention was brought back to the juvenile wyverns as they seemed to gather up their courage and begin stalking toward us, heads down, tails held straight out, with empty, reptilian eyes that stared intently at us with quiet menace. One leisurely prowled straight toward us, all traces of fear gone in the instinct of the hunt, while the other two circled around to our right and left.

` ` `"Joey," I whispered insistently, "I'll deal with these dudes, you keep mom at bay. I imagine she's gonna be pretty ticked off when I start disemboweling her kids."

` ` `Joey nodded and turned around, and I returned my full attention to the three creatures in front of me. Now within ten feet, the lead juvenile released a low growl and tensed, readying to pounce.
` ` `Taking a deep breath, I lunged forward with the speed of a panther. The wyvern, inexperienced hunter that it was, jerked back in surprise with a startled grunt. I gave it no time to recover however, lashing out with a lightning-quick strike that sheered off the top of its skull between its jaws, sending the top half spinning through the air in a shower of blood and brain matter as the wyvern's corpse collapsed to the ground in a heap.
` ` `The feral snarl to my left was my only warning of the dead creature's sibling as it attacked. Spinning around, I barely managed to bring up my sword and plunge it straight through the raging beast's throat, severing its spine, before it slammed into me like a freight train. It was killed instantly, but the force of its rush sent me crashing to the ground, where I was pinned by its hulking weight.
` ` `Sensing the imminent kill, the remaining juvenile charged with a savage shriek and dove at my helpless form with its slavering jaws agape. But so frenzied was the beast's bloodlust that it missed me entirely and sank its fangs into its sibling's neck instead. It was either unaware or uncaring, for it viciously shook its head back and forth, snarling all the while, and tore a hunk of flesh free with a wet rip.
` ` `As it gnawed at its prize I managed to roll the carcass off of me and retrieve my sword. But no sooner had I grasped the hilt, than I was struck from the side by the creature's whip-like tail, sending me sprawling to the ground. I labored to draw in breath through the stabbing pain in my battered lungs as I barely managed to stumble to my feet, Gram held weakly out in front of me.
` ` `The wyvern choked down the last of its sibling's flesh and casually leered at me, completely fearless and at ease. It sensed my weakness and, foolish youngster that it was, believed me to be easy prey. But it wasn't wholly wrong: the beast's vicious blow had shattered several of my ribs, making breathing a torment, so I was as weak as any True Metalhead of the Highest Caliber such as myself was likely to be. With a triumphant snarl, the beast reared back on its hind legs and launched itself through the air toward me with its legs extended forward, claws ready to tear flesh from bone.
` ` `Summoning my last reserves of strength, I pivoted on the ball of my left foot, turning aside just before the creature ripped through the space I had stood only a moment ago. I struck like a viper, and sank Gram into its armored flank, stabbing through the thin membrane of its unformed wing, and piercing its thick scales with a sickening crunch. Metal sliced through skin and scraped against bone, before passing through internal organs like a hot knife through butter. The wyvern shrieked in shock and pain, and then sailed past me, tearing Gram from my hands as it went, to strike the ground in a heap.
` ` `Now laying on its side, with Gram protruding from its chest straight into the air, the wounded juvenile screamed in anguish and frenziedly thrashed about and snapped at the air in its panic. As swiftly as my injured body would allow, I rushed forward and seized Gram's hilt. I then planted my left foot on the wyvern's flank and pulled the sword out with a wet, sucking sound.

` ` `And then I plunged it back into the creature's chest. And again. And again. And again. And again, and again, and again, and again, and again.

` ` `The flurry of frantic stabbing tore into the beast's belly, and ripped a wide gash from which spilled a squirming mass of shredded viscera, flooding the air with the stench of bile and shit. With a hysterical scream of pure agony, the creature violently convulsed and sent me reeling, causing me to slip on its entrails. I crashed to the ground on my back, sending pain lancing through my body, and my sword clattered to the rocks beside me.
` ` `With a wince, I managed to sit up and watch as the baby wyvern died. Its throes were beginning to weaken, and its shrieks had become pained, keening cries of terror. At the last, it struggled to raise its head, searching around with eyes already glazing over, and gave a long, pitiful, mewling cry for its mother. Then, as if falling asleep, it became quiet and slowly lay down its head. With one last twitch and a rattling breath, it was dead.

` ` `My victory was short-lived however, for as its last child died, from the mother wyvern burst forth an ear-shattering roar of pure grief and hate. As I fought its young, I'd forgotten about the monster, and now I brought my head around in shock to find it glaring death down on me from the edge of the spire, only being kept at bay by a steady barrage of joey's arrows. But the beast was now maddened with rage and thundered forward, screaming it's revenge and taking no notice of Joey whatsoever. In my condition I would have been able to put up no resistance, and would surely have been devoured, but for a lucky arrow that pierced the wyvern's right eye. Violently shaking its head, it howled in pain and fury before turning around and hurling itself off of the edge of the spire. It dropped only a short distance and then unfurled its great wings and rose high into the sky.

` ` `Using Gram as a cane, I somehow managed to climb to my feet and stagger over to Joey, who was watching the wyvern as it rose into the air above us in swooping arcs. "Nice shot, fuck twat," I quipped, wincing at the pain in my chest as I spoke, "This is the most useful you've been since the first chapter."

` ` `"Hey, fuck you," he shot back, "I found that doorway in chapter five didn't I?"

` ` `"I'd mock you some more, but I'd rather waste the last of my breath on a cigarette. Oh wait, I don't have any cigarettes!"

` ` `"Sweet, merciful Dio! That shit again? I think we have more pressing concerns at the moment. Such as being consumed alive."

` ` `"Dude, you don't have to worry about that."

` ` `"Why not?"

` ` `"She breathes fire."

` ` `"Oh. That's actually kind of comforting."

` ` `"Don't be such a woman. Just shoot the fucking thing down already."

` ` `"Are you on jenkem? How the fuck am I gonna shoot a fucking wyvern out of the sky in the two and a half seconds we're gonna have when that thing decides to dive down and roast us like Jews?"

` ` `"How do you think, ass face? The Light of True Metal.

` ` `"Oh. I don't have to do the whole 'chanty-trancy" thing do I?"

` ` `"Yes."

` ` `"God damn it. That shit's totally dorky."

` ` `"I will stab you in the face."

` ` `But we were interrupted from our tête-à-tête by a great roar, as the wyvern neared the top of its climb and prepared for its descent.

` ` `"Alright, alright. Chanty-trancy coming up."

` ` `And then Joey nocked an arrow onto his bow and raised it high into the sky, before closing his eyes. His lips began to form inaudible words that somehow made the air reverberate with silent, thunderous power. He began to shimmer, and even in the bright sunlight, a faint luminescence could be seen radiating from his motionless form.
` ` `I was musing about what bitchin' song he could have been reciting, when my attention was torn back to the sky by another shriek as the wyvern furled its wings yet again, and plummeted through the air toward us like a bolt of lightning. Farther and farther it fell, gaining speed and drawing nearer and nearer in its reckless dive, until I was sure that it would reach us before Joey could be ready to fire.
` ` `Suddenly, no more than fifty feet above us, the wyvern unfurled its wings like some loathsome flower, and brought itself out of its mad dive. With a malignant expression of triumph on its scaly face, it spread wide its gaping maw and sent forth a roaring column of flame whose intense heat made the very air above our heads seem to melt.

` ` `"JOEY!!!" I screamed, "NOW WOULD BE GOOD!!!"

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The Batlord

` ` `But just as we were about to be consumed by the inferno, I felt the Light of True Metal flowing from Joey swell, and his eyes snapped open. Without hesitating he let loose his arrow and it streaked through the air as a bolt of pure Light, shooting straight for the wyvern.
` ` `When the shining arrow met the wall of falling flame, it passed through unharmed, dispersing the blaze into a cascading shower of glowing embers as it raced along the burning column. Before our very eyes, the bolt pierced through the jaws of the beast and we were blinded by an incandescent burst of pure Light, followed by the deafening crack of a powerful explosion that almost hurled us to the ground.
` ` `We had thrown our arms over our faces to protect our eyes from the Light, and after several seconds of standing, dazed, we lowered them and gazed up at the sky in wonder...

` ` `The wyvern was gone. In its place was a rain of ash and sparks that swirled and fell around us, coating the rocks like snow.

` ` `"I love the smell of burning wyvern in the morning," declared Joey, "It smells like...burning wyvern."

` ` `"Shut up, Joey." But this was said with tolerance rather than withering contempt.

` ` `"Who knew I had it in me?" he asked, as if he hadn't heard me.

` ` `"Dude, you might be the most annoying dipshit I've ever met, and sometimes you make me wanna wrap my fingers around your scrawny little chicken-neck and beat your head against a wall till your head cracks open like an egg."

` ` `"...But?"

` ` `"But what?"

` ` `"But you were gonna say something else?"

` ` `"No."

` ` `"Asshole."

` ` `Sigh.

` ` `"But you're still one of the Truest Metalheads alive. Happy?"

` ` `"I'm slightly less offended."

` ` `"Get bent."

` ` `"Alright, I'm a little bit more offended now."

` ` `"Dude, don't mess around and get half a peace sign."

` ` `"How 'bout we drop it? I rule, you love me, now why don't we find a way off this rock already?"

` ` `Looking around I couldn't see any particularly good way off the spire. "Looks like we're boned. I guess we're just gonna have to start climbing."

` ` `"Oh. Goody. Well, no time like the past I guess."

` ` `And so, we started walking toward the edge of the spire to begin the long climb down.

` ` `"You know," remarked Joey, "With all that fourth-wall shit-talking I was doing, and the whole almost-getting-burned-alive thing, I was starting to think I was about to get written out of the story."

` ` `With that, Joey tripped on a rock and fell face first into the ground.

` ` `"Ow! My tooth!"

` ` `Turning toward your computer screen, I lock onto your eyes with a burning stare and declare...

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Unknown Soldier

**** it's going to take me ages to read all this ****, this is getting more like the Wheel of Time everyday.

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Metal Wars

Power Metal

Pounding Decibels- A Hard and Heavy History

The Batlord

Be careful what you wish for, bitch.

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