WWWP

Track Two - Turn it Around


My parents believed that kids aren’t able to get headaches. They believed that depression was a matter of people being simply unable to “cowboy up.” They also believed, in their Mormonism, that dark skinned people are sons of Satan, that Native Americans are the lost tribe of Israel, and that all good Mormons will receive their own planet upon their death. My parents believed a lot, but understood little. They had faith, but not in me.

They taught me that every tragedy was not without warrant. When my friend’s mom died of cancer they said it was because she smoked weed. Everyone Else drove my father to drink, Everyone Else caused my stepmother’s short temper that resulted in punches and thrown objects. There was blame, but there was never accountability.

An upside to this lifestyle was that I got away with a lot. I blamed countless things on Everyone Else around me and once claimed that Satan made me break a wooden duck and then try to dispose of it in the toilet. We prayed as a family and my sin was vanquished.

It wasn’t until the depths of my self-loathing were truly tangible and I became self-aware that I realized this system was faulty. I was always looking outward, seeing wrongdoings and calculating the sinfulness of Everyone Else, I hated everyone around me for allowing my father to be an alcoholic, for allowing the abuse to happen to me, to allow me to feel so terribly about myself all the time. But I was looking through the wrong end of the telescope. I wasn’t looking at my family; I wasn’t looking at the toxins. I wasn’t looking at myself.

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#DEMODFROWNLAND
#TERMLIMITSFORMODERATORS