___

I'm not going to lie (in the forthcoming words) I am terrible at reviews. Why? Because I don't put much effort in them. I was a half ass and tried on Netflix and then no one found them helpful. I actually ended up finding them "helpful" just so I could look back on that page and feel appreciated.

Also, I didn't grow up with badass parental units and siblings that educated me all about music. OK maybe I did, but I had no care for it at all back then. There are stories on which I would partake being one or multiple members of the Backstreet Boys and put on a show! Or wearing the black shades and being cool like Will Smith. But aside from that, I became quite pale, for someone that is 3/4 Native American. Too busy holding up the phone lines while browsing the WORLD WIDE WEB. Sixteen arrived and my life altered in a gargantuan way. Blahblahblahblahsmokebreakblahblahblahcheesecakebl ahblahblah

Beside the great sex, the other best thing I came out with from the relationship; I actually became engulfed with music. Four years with someone who played guitar and could have been a great singer if there was more effort. I learned a lot and then I felt quite inferior but post relationship I grew to deal with it.

Point of this hell of a tangent thread is this: I probably won't write reviews for albums or artists or any of that. No matter what I will not be satisfied. So with that said' what is most likely going to happen is music will be involved in a form of stories, per say. When I discovered, how, etc. Because I have no shame in telling you when I actually became interested with such and such. I'm very animated when I discover the sorts, however, the problem is because of that my memory doesn't quite retain everything. Always has been the devil's cigar but I deal.


My life is a collaboration of misfortune served in great multitude.

This message is for APO

__________________
Don't cry too much
Listen easy and know that
"It might get loud."

___

I kind of used to be addicted to cocaine and ritalin. I had this fascination with coke since the tabloids exposed Mary-Kate Olsen of using. I had a crush on her and I'm a little weird and like the look of a contained junkie. The tired underneath the eyes and gangly body. I'm not talking about the crackhead behind the dumpster or rather Halle Berry in Losing Isaiah. No. But back when Mary-Kate was super skinny. Something like this:




And she was like:



MOVING ALONG.

So with that said, I have always wanted to use coke. I didn't actually get to try it until I was seventeen or eighteen. I remember distinctively that night, I was with my ex and we were with a few friends. We were at their band practice in a storage unit. We both got out of her car and I grabbed her hand and said, "I want to try it, tonight." And she knew exactly what I meant so she asked if I was for sure. She grinned and called her friend who knew where to get some. She had already tried it before but sparsely. I was getting pretty anxious and impatient as we had to stay and watch them **** around with their instruments for a couple of hours. Eventually we drove about one hour away from where we were living. We got there and instead of going with everyone else to a club, her and I were ready to open up the little baggie. Needless to say she was really excited that I was sharing the experience with her for my first time trying it. She loaded it up on the glass coffee table and rolled up a dollar bill. There laid out, I stared at it and my stomach weaved throughout my body. She held out the dollar bill and I told her to do it first so I can see. Up went the big line in her nose and she had to recover from it for a moment. I didn't even think, I just grabbed it and snorted it. My throat became numb and my nose was running like hell. It's unclear now what happened next but I do remember that she was turned on and we ****ed around our friends apartment.


After that night I craved more. My ex and I got pretty deep in, stealing money from her parents, selling DVD's, blowing my whole check, even one night letting our dealer hold my laptop until we could get the cash. This probably went on for a couple months. Our friends worried about us but knew that saying anything wouldn't change our actions. We had to get eight balls almost every time towards the end. One night we got one and not even one hour later we were laying in bed watching Alias and we were crashing and needed more. "We don't have anymore money, at all." I said. "I know." We laid there in silence for awhile. "We need to quit." I sighed. She agreed, and we did. However, a few months later I realized that she was on ritalin. One day I asked if she had ever snorted it. She looked at me like I was crazy and said no. She knew that look in my eyes and smirked and shook her head."God, you are a ****ing tweaker." But I convinced her and we started on that. Now it wasn't as smooth as cocaine when snorting it. In fact the chunks that didn't get crushed all the way flew to the back of your throat and made you cough like ****. And your nose slightly burned at first. The first couple of times we thought it wasn't a good idea and we were idiots. But then we peaked and we were out of control. We would smoke packs of cigarettes and snort her whole bottle. We would stay up days in a row and we would talk the whole time. Doing this made us know even more about each other and realize that we didn't know everything about one another. This lasted longer then doing the coke. But one night when we were coming down, our eyes hurt like a bitch and our bodies were exhausted. We were laying in bed (our awesome mattress on the floor) and the sun was too bright but we ignored it. My laptop was on playing music. We still were talking but it was not as animated and ebullient. And then we were quiet, trying to rest and we heard the end of the song, "In The Backseat" by Arcade Fire. I told her I liked it and she said she did too. I sat up to see who it was and put it on repeat to fall asleep too.



I'm not sure how much longer and I'm not sure when we decided to quit. I think maybe it was because she stopped getting prescribed the medication.


But that Arcade Fire song was the one I pretty much discovered the band. I used to get a lot of bands and albums from recommendations and put it on my computer, I actually still do that and usually play through it and some times one song will stand out more to my liking.


Now, I had this idea to collaborate a few songs and mix them together. Parts of the songs to make it into one. I just finished my first one last night, I stayed up until eleven in the morning, fell asleep for one hour and woke up and tried to elaborate it into something that I could upload on youtube. But seeing as you can't just upload a mp3 without footage, I was going to be ambitious and grab different clips from junk to go with the song. But I think for now I will just use Sound Cloud. I'm using Mac software on a Dell mini. 10.6.3 that did not come with iLife so even trying to find a program to make a "video" seems impossible. I am inadequate with Mac software. I think my plan now will suffice.

Well, I do not even know if it is okay to upload the link to it even though I don't take any rights to all the songs and junk. I just put the **** together. So for the safe side I won't.

__________________
Don't cry too much
Listen easy and know that
"It might get loud."

___

My current playlist making me drunk on insomnia.
(Well, I will just list it since posting all the YouTube videos will explode the **** out of this post and I'm not even sure the limit in one post)


Elephant Woman by Blonde Redhead
Wild Tigers I Have Known by Emily Jane White
Needle In The Hay by Elliott Smith
Empty by Metric
Lay Lady Lay by Bob Dylan
One Beat by Sleater-Kinney
12:51 by The Strokes
Gold Lion by Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Death Letter by Son House
Bitches Ain't **** by Ben Folds
Touch Me by The Doors
Rise by Azure Ray
Red House by Jimi Hendrix
Black Dog by Led Zeppelin
Add It Up by Violent Femmes
Anthems For A Seventeen Year Old Girl by Broken Social Scene
No One Has Ever Looked So Dead by The Organ
We Do Not **** Around by Viva Voce
Holy Roller Novocaine by Kings of Leon
Fake Plastic Trees by Radiohead
U Got It Bad by Usher
All Is Full Of Love by Bjork
Don't Cry Out by Shiny Toy Guns
In 3's by Beastie Boys
Simple Kind of Life by No Doubt
Why Don't You Let Me Stay Here by She & Him
Your Woman by White Town
Atmosphere by Joy Division
Murderer by Low
Hate by Cat Power
Mean Red Spider by Muddy Waters
The Diver by Gravenhurst

__________________
Don't cry too much
Listen easy and know that
"It might get loud."

___

Why is this thread titled "1960 met 1963"? My pop was born in 1960 and my madre was born in 1963 and they are dead. Besides I have a fascination with titles with numbers in it. When I was younger I would listen to Nirvana with my parental units. Some times all of us together but most of the time it was with one or the other. My madre and I would be out on a drive, because that is what she did when she needed a break. We would fly down narrow dark roads and even though it was a possibility that we could have crashed, I had no fear. My madre wasn't into that type of music as my pop was though. My pop and I hung out a lot in the laundry room, or rather "room." A household of six and some times stray friends from my siblings, we all went through a lot of socks. So we would just chill out and try to find matching socks and who they belonged to. He loved to tell stories, a lot. This guy could tell the same story over and over, and each time still have such enthusiasm. But hey I'm not crying wolf by telling you my personal **** and expect sympathy. Truth is I'm pretty sure all of you could care less. I'm just telling it as it is and I love my parental units more than anything. And that phrase to me has been so watered down by other people, it's quite sad but I mean it when I tell it. But today is a kind of rough one and it's just random when it hits. I wasn't even close to listening to Nirvana but I was on the bus and it was decided that tonight I was going to write about them, sort of.

__________________
Don't cry too much
Listen easy and know that
"It might get loud."

___

CLOCK VS. CALENDAR

I’m stuck in the web you have spun. The loaded days have long expired, yet each ticking of the clock secures me in place for so much longer. “Don’t be a fool, this sadness is not for you but for me.” And with each drop of poison, we just became a collection of mediocrity. “I’m going to check you back into the reality you used to know. I know all the drugs and alcohol we did made us real close buddies. So forget all these poetic soft blows, and take this with you when you decompose.” I can’t sit still as time pulls at my strings, oh just wait I’ll soon evolve into that someone who is mentally deranged. So for now, I’m just going to sit here and watch the clock shadows dance into their estranged. “Rewind back to that night, where your fingers choked your guitar; the supply inflated your vocals. But no one cared as they continued the journey towards the end of the bottle.”



A real piece of work. It's just too bad she'll never see it. But I'm sure if she did, she would flicker her eyes and count each second as it marinated. I'm on a seesaw, I just can't get off it no matter what is being offered to me. It's been a Led Zeppelin day. Forlorn memories.

__________________
Don't cry too much
Listen easy and know that
"It might get loud."

___

So it appears that it doesn't matter what the story is, it's not enough to grab the attention of you. My life isn't in transition of enough hardships. You know, I'd like to say that this is all for me and therapeutic and **** but it's not. I want some sort of notification that I'm actually here. I'm trying to wrap my brain around the fact that other people exist with all the silence. Well, I'm done. All of this is unhealthy and moving past feeling inferior isn't happening.



This song got me through it all and this is just adding to the collection of helping me through this.

This is it.

__________________
Don't cry too much
Listen easy and know that
"It might get loud."

Trollheart

Hey man, don't despair. I write in my journal every single day, and even though I have in excess of 14,000 views I only have a few hundred replies. It gets a little depressing sometimes and you feel like no-one's reading, but people are.

My only piece of advice is that your writing is a little depressing and also obscure, and maybe a little hard for people to appreciate. If you want people to comment try maybe talking about a band or musical influence, review an album, something. It's just there's nothing here that anyone can really respond to.

Clock v calendar was cool though

Don't give up: you have readers, even if we're just lurking in the shadows...

TH

__________________
Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018

ThePhanastasio

I was going to say the same thing as Trollheart pretty much. I've been reading this whole thing, and it's very compelling, depressing...but I haven't really found a point where I can respond.

Your journal feels like picking up someone's real journal, with little mementos inside, the person painted on the page completely real.

I would say that writing like this is horribly therapeutic. It is horrible when no one returns the ball, but it's not as horrible as keeping it all bottled up inside. I sense that this is very cathartic, and people are reading.

__________________

• Phish: Studio Discography Reviewed
• 100 Albums I Heartily Recommend
• My last.fm

Sneer

These journals should be an outlet for those that run them. Yeah, it's nice to glean some form of reaction sometimes, and people do read these, but above all else this should be for you to creatively engage with the things that matter to you.

If you're doing this solely to project an image of your self towards other people, and gain no satisfaction out of writing the content, then quitting it is probably the best solution.

__________________
Fright Team radio show

starrynight

I can understand not being fond of doing reviews. I tend to feel that music speaks for itself better. A short description is enough for music, the listener is better off working the music out for themselves as words from others aren't a huge help.

Music can certainly be a great comfort and has been for me.

__________________
non-cliquey member of every music forum I participate on