So self-contently

[Queen Boo]

After surpressing the urge to post many random things that wouldn't fit well in other threads, I decided to start one of these. Not really sure what I'll post in it or if I'll do it sporadically or on the regular but right now, I'm kind of psyched.

Pic related, its my piano. Its also a guitar that I'm really bad at playing, a basket of CDs, a bullshit abstract canvas I did with a friend, a very 90s lamp, and my godfag mother's purple cross.
But the piano. The most beautiful thing in my house. I'm starting to love it again. I used to be really good but stopped for a few years once pueberty and an ignorant/pointlessly rebellious phase hit. Now I miss it like hell and I'm trying to get back into it.

<3 everything
bye for now

[Melodybaka]

that's really good that you found your passion again I really wonder if teen bad phase is really true. But I am guessing it is kind of since my counsins are out of their mine too.

[Queen Boo]

You're so sweet and generic! You're probably a spambot!

Honestly, they're probably good for you. You shed your childhood pretty quickly and you're able to move on. Yeah you do some stupid things, and in the age of cellphone cameras, all the terrible haircuts you get to seem rebellious will be documented but you come out a better person with stories to tell.

Last night I had a dream about Babylon Rules by Clockcleaner and Incesticideby Nirvana. Recommendations make me happy and I try to follow most of them but these are special. They're from my subconcious.

I already have Babylon Rules on rotation at least once or twice a week but I haven't listened to Incesticide in at least a year. I remember hating it but all the albums I liked a year ago are dick, so hi me a year ago. Fuck your taste. Probably looking into this too much. Boredom is a bitch.

[Queen Boo]

I didn't really think through the whole "starting a journal" thing too much and the only feedback I've gotten is from a spambot so I'm just gonna assume that everything I've written so far is kinda dick. I'm sorry. I'm not really sure what direction this journal is going to take. I promise you I won't do this but that's all I can say for sure.

I do have an idea though. 9 albums that have been condemned as terrible by one group or another but I'm still curious about...why not download them and see if they really suck that much? I haven't read Dante's Inferno because some person who is probably a juggalo stole it from the public library. Information on the 9 circles of hell will be obtained by wikipedia.

TUMOR DOWNLOADS THE 9 CIRCLES OF HELL

Pushing a rock that is twice my bodyweight up a mountain made of broken glass and congelated vomit, only to get to the top and have Satan laugh at me and push me all the way down the mountain again.
On my second try at pushing the rock up the hill, I give up and stop trying. I push the rock back down the hill and watch it hit the ground. I beat hell. I have won. I scream. "FUCK YOU SATAN. I'VE BEATEN YOU." I smile and giggle and congradulate myself. Satan starts laughing with me. This is the first voice other then my own that I've heard in such a long time. Its absolutely horrible. I stop laughing and look down. My legs are on fire.....my legs. Why my legs? I love my legs. I love running. I love walking. I love feeling my calf muscles move up and down. I loved the way they looked. Even in Hell, you are not above vanity. My head has been shaved and I haven't been able to look into a mirror and see my face for whats felt like a thousand years but I can look down and see my legs peeking out of the rags that I've been given to wear and feel a burst of happiness. Although the hair on my legs has grown long and icky, my legs were still one of the few things I clung to that made me happy. And now they are on fire. Burning. I try to roll around and put the fire out but I just end up rolling down the hill. I feel my flesh being singed as the shards of glass poke me. The fire moves up my body pretty quickly...my legs...my genitals....my torso....my arms....my neck....my face....Oh god. My face is on fire and I can't close my eyes so I feel them being singed but they don't lose their function and I have to watch as my body (oh god, my beautiful body) disintegrates into ashes.


I scream again, louder then I've ever screamed before. "I GIVE UP." I yell. "I SUBMIT. PLEASE. PLEASE, I LOVE YOU JESUS. PLEASE."
Satan laughs. Oh my god. This is amazing. I have a body again and I feel a wonderful rush of relief. I feel my legs. My calf muscles. My thighs. I'm beautiful again! I can't even begin to tell you how happy this makes me but I don't know where I am. I can't tell the difference between the world around me when my eyes are open or when my eyes are closed. I try to move around but there's something sharp that digs into my side.
What the fuck? Am I in the chokey?
I guess I'm in the chokey. I have to stay in one spot or I'll get poked by the spikes. I can't eat or drink anything. I can't even dispose of my own waste. I have to shit and piss right where I am and I have to feel it dripping down my leg. I have to smell it decay. I feel myself starving to death. Acid wearing away the lining in my stomach. Muscles atrophy for the sake of my vital organs. I can't bear to touch them anymore. I almost can't move, it hurts too much to use them. I don't to move.....don't want to be reminded that my body is rotting. I'm probably hideous now. I don't know.
My hearing starts to fade. I can't hear myself screaming anymore. I am deaf. Nothing but my thoughts to listen to.
You did this to yourself, the voice in my head says. Its your fault that you're in hell. You sinned so much. You were a horrible person.
I submit. If I could scream, I would be screaming. I submit completely. I am scum. I am worms. I am terrible and I deserve this. Please make it stop. Please please please please. I lose all sense of my identity. In my own mind, I am just shit. I've been completely brainwashed.
This is hell. Hell is submitting. Hell is giving up everything that makes you you.

AND I DID IT ALL FOR YOU, MUSICBANTER.
How I'm picking the Albums

• Album must have a rating of 3 or lower on Rate Your music
• Album must be something I am actually interested in listening to. If I just downloaded albums that are considered shit, I'd have a very boring list.
• Album must connect with one of the 9 cycles of hell in some cutesy way
• I must be able to find a torrent for it
• Album must be tolerable for at least 1 listen all the way through. If I can't finish it, I'll tell you. Every Circle of Hell will be something at least worth 40 minutes or so of my (kinda) concentration.

[bob.]

this should be interesting....

[someonecompletelyrandom]

I am entertained. Your journal has my blessing.

[Queen Boo]

I never really updated this thing because I was convinced I had to talk about music and I pumped myself up to do it and then never really got all that interested in finishing it.

**** that. I love music but I don't necessarily like writing about it because I feel like there isn't much I can say. I either like an album or I do not and I don't really know how to explain why or care to. I joined this forum because I thought that people who knew a lot about music were cooler than people who didn't and I thought I knew everything there was to know about it. I was right and wrong in that order but I do think I know a lot about music now. Of course I'm not done learning but I don't have much to say about it at the moment. I think I'll start updating this journal anyway.

I write a lot and I draw a lot and even though I usually end up giving my drawings to people or end up writing things too personal to share with people, I really ****ing like having a creative outlet. It makes me feel like I'm doing something beautiful and not just living to be alive. I haven't really hit my creative stride yet, meaning I haven't created anything that I consider excellent or the best I can do. I haven't even found a medium that I've been able to consistently stick to. It just makes me feel good to make something once in a while.

What I'm saying is, I might start writing in this thing.

[starrynight]

Originally Posted by Tumor

I love music but I don't necessarily like writing about it because I feel like there isn't much I can say.

I suppose journals don't have to be just about music. But where music is concerned I agree that loads of words don't really mean much often. Maybe if someone has an interesting interpretation of the lyrics...but with the music itself if someone wants an essay on it the best thing to tell them is just to take a closer listen to the music themselves. To discover and understand music I think people have to do it for themselves, you don't pick everything up in one place you have to search and explore. That takes time of course, but as with everything there are no real short cuts if you really take something seriously.

[Trollheart]

I don't know if you were intending to do this, but given your totally excellent (and scary!) vision of Hell, were you thinking that maybe Satan casts you into a huge filing library (think the end of Raiders or the X-Files) where only the crappiest albums are kept, and your punishment is to review them all?

Sounds like Hell to me!

[Paedantic Basterd]

I love the idea of you slagging off terrible albums. That's a hilarious journal premise.

Also, not picking up piano as a child is one of my greatest regrets.

I know where you're coming from on the music thing. That's why my own journal is so patchy with content. I can't sustain the level of commitment I began with.