The Batlord

More like, "Why this?".

__________________

Trollheart

Nah, I'm dropping it. Like he says, no point in letting a personal rant cloud this whole month. Frown, if you want to continue in PM no problem but I'm just as happy to let it drop and hope we both learn something from the exchange we just had.
You couldn't have used an icon for that?
Anyway, I counter with "Why not?" Why "Metal goes to the movies" or "When worlds collide" or "Metal goes pop"? Why anything? Because I want this to be as varied and interesting an experience as possible, not just album reviews, and I'm always looking for new things to try out. If nothing else, this might attract the likes of Pet_Sounds who might otherwise not be interested in Metal Month. Just an idea, but it's hardly arbitrary, as I explained in the intro...

__________________
Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018

Trollheart

Stained class (1978)

Though reasonably well established in the UK by now, and certainly no longer having to hold down day jobs since the success (finally) of their fourth album, Stained class marks the point where Judas Priest solidify their sound and ditch much of the longer, more progresive material that had characterised their first two, and certainly part of their third albums. Embracing the now-dominant subgenre of heavy metal, which was being fuelled by the rise of new bands as the NWOBHM broke, Judas Priest would emerge as one of the premier bands in Metal, and would also survive longer than a lot of their contemporaries.

There's a rolling, crashing drumbeat, marking the appearance of new drummer Les Brinks to open “Exciter” before the twin guitars of Downing and Tipton snarl in, taking the tune, and Halford's voice is beginning to develop its own, um, voice now. It's a fast, screaming metal tune, short and snappy, as most of the album here is: the days of the eight or nine-minute song and the multi-part suites is gone now as Priest tighten up their music and their songwriting, much of which is due to new producer Dennis MacKay. There's something of a nod to classical music in Tipton's solo, something that would be repeated in later years by Brian Tatler on Diamond Head's “Am I evil?”

The pace doesn't slacken then for “White heat, red hot”, with something more of a boogie beat driving it; kind of see Raven doing this a year or so later, then “Better by you, better than me” is the only cover on the album, the original having been by sixties legends Spooky Tooth. The song was the subject of a ridiculous lawsuit over a decade later when it was claimed Priest had inserted subliminal messages into the recording that resulted in two guys committing suicide. Not for the first time (remember Paranoid?) and certainly not for the last, Heavy Metal was given the rap and blamed for stupid decisions by people who happened to listen to it. The lawsuit was eventually thrown out, as it should have been. It's a decent song, but considering what has gone before it's a little limp I feel. I don't know the original but this is apparently seen as a good cover. The title track is up next, bringing back in the rip-roaring metal as Downing and Tipton go wild on the frets, the chorus betraying a little of the AOR I feel, but just a little. That sound typified by Thin Lizzy at their height is in evidence here, then “Invader” uses a riff I've heard later on the first or second Iron Maiden album, not sure which. Not only that, the opening track on The Number of the Beast is called “Invaders”. Coincidence? There's even a case for saying that the chorus here sounds a little like Maiden just borrowed it and sped it up on their song.

“Saints in Hell” is slower but has a great punch and lots of aggression: the dark, doomy themes are still at the moment evident here, though at this point you get the feeling it's a case of preference rather than influence. In other words, they're now writing dark songs because they want to, not because of how their situation is affecting them and making them feel. It's dark, man, but it's our dark! A real marching, thumping guitar bites and snaps at the tune, Halford screaming out the lyrics and setting the bar for many later vocalists. “Savage” has a more boogie feel to it, a swaggering, marauding beast full of its own confidence, but by contrast “Beyond the realms of death” (which sounds like something Slayer might write!) is a laidback acoustic ballad; I guess this time they restricted it to just the one, and it's a good one.

Ah, but no it isn't. Tipton kicks in the door as his guitar leaps to life for the chorus, and Halford spits out the vocal before they return to the gentler tone for the verse. I guess you'd call it a Jeckyl and Hyde sort of song, jumping from one to the other and constantly keeping you off-balance. It's also the longest song on the album, just short of seven minutes, and the penultimate one too. Really cool solo about halfway through which manages to marry elements of both the slower ballad and the harder rocker, and if any song on this album retains the progressive styles from previous albums, this is it. We close then on “Heroes end”, with a stop/start guitar opening before it strides along with enthusiasm and power, a fist-clenching, air-punching anthem destined to go down very well live I would think.

TRACKLISTING

1. Exciter
2. White heat, red hot
3. Better by you, better than me
4. Stained class
5. Invader
6. Saints in Hell
7. Savage
8. Beyond the realm of death
9. Heroes end

Although emblematic of the kind of metal that would make its voice heard over the next few years as the NWOBHM took firm hold over England, and bands like Raven, Maiden, Saxon and Tank rose to the fore, Judas Priest's dark, aggressive sound was not something the delicate ears of America were used to, having been weaned on the likes of REO and Boston, Foreigner and Kiss, and consequently they continued to be mostly ignored in the States. That, of course, would change, but it would take time.

__________________
Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018

Trollheart

The very next band to surface and attempt to replicate, or even improve upon, what Running Wild had done in the eighties and nineties were from, of all places, Canada. They only ended up recording the one album, released in 2006, and so I guess it would be seen as a collector's item of Pirate Metal. It's certainly not available through the usual channels, and I had to turn to YouTube to get it. Or, to put it in more piratical language, 'tweren't nowhere on the blasted horizon, though we searched from sea to sea, in every cove and on every island from here to the Barbary Coast! And then, in a strange inlet off a cursed isle where no man dares walk, and of which sailors whisper in hushed tones of terror in every tavern from here to Port Royal, there! There we found it, me hearties, and me heart were gladdened by the very sight! Yeah, I'll stop now.

But suffice to say, as the immediate successors to Running Wild, Verbal Deception hold the dubious distinction of being not only the only Canadian Pirate Metal band, but alone with a mere two from south of their border make up the only three on the whole continent of North America who dangled their toes into the choppy seas of this most specialised of metal. Perhaps that in itself tells you something. Also, the fact that Verbal Deception (the second band I've come across who have the unfortunate abbreviation VD!) never had another album may speak volumes as to how they were received at the time. It's not that they didn't have another Pirate Metal album: they had none at all. This was their one and only recording, which again I guess adds to what makes it so rare and possibly collectible.

Aurum Aetus Piraticus --- Verbal Deception --- 2006 (Scarab Metal)

Okay, so without even listening to a song I'm encouraged by “piratey” track names like “Pieces of eight”, “Under the black flag”, “Jewels of the dead” and “Pirate attack”, which actually kicks off the album. So, do the songs themselves live up to their titles? Well there's a good start, with the sounds you'd expect to hear at the docks, seagulls screeching overhead, wind and the sound of waves, and then drifting over the air the sound of an accordion, a trusted instrument of the seafarer. Then guitars kick in and the percussion punches through, but you can still hear the accordion, which I guess is made on a synth by Walt Fleming, as no squeezebox is credited. Oddly, the vocalist, one Kresho Klarich, uses a deep, throaty vocal rather like death metal vocalists use, but you can hear him okay. So opener “Pirate attack” delivers pretty much what it promises, even if the style is slightly different to what I've so far experienced with Running Wild.

Now, as to the title of the album, well it seems to be made up of some latin and some made-up latin or dog latin. Aurum is gold and obviously piraticus is made up, but I can't find anything about aetus; perhaps they're referring to pieces of eight? Anyway, “Jewels of the dead” is a heavier, more death metal sort of song, and doesn't have too much of the pirate in it, rather like Running Wild's “Diamonds of the black chest”. while “Halls of illusion” has more of a fantasy/mythology feel to it, again nothing really piratey about this. In melody it does however reference the pirate tropes, with a good accordion melody swirling about. It's hard though to reconcile that dark death metal snarl with the clearer, almost happier voice of Rolf Kasparek.

You might think a song called “Northern shores” would give you hope, but no: it's all about the Vikings. And while there's nothing wrong with that, the Norsemen were not pirates, and only used their ships as transport. They didn't start robbing, raping and killing until they had actually landed on shore, so no pirate link there I'm afraid. It is a great track, now to be fair: one of the best on the album so far, with a lot of progressive metal influences, but just has nothing for the pirate lover. One for four so far, though we must assume “Pieces of eight”, though it's an instrumental, to be intended as a pirate song, therefore that's two of five. Still not a great ratio is it? “The scarab”, though only two minutes or so long, does contain the lines ”Here I stand, rum in hand/ Seaborn scarab” so, you know, maybe? It has a nice, excited rush to it, rolling along well, and surely “High seas” can only be a pirate song?

Yep: galleons, treasure, oceans ... this has the lot. Still, it's taken us six tracks to get here, and the album only has eleven, so we're more than halfway through before we get to what could reasonably be described as the second proper pirate song. Nice Maidenesque opening, sort of eastern tinge to it, then a sort of acoustic guitar that could almost be a banjo, but I'm sure isn't, before the proper guitar riff comes pounding in, and riding on a very expansive keyboard melody the song takes off. It's almost been worth waiting for; it all depends on how many other pirate songs there are before this album comes to an end. “The Watcher” seems to concern some ancient intelligence that lives, lived or was trapped at the bottom of the sea, so I guess they get some points for at least keeping a nautical theme through two songs, and there's a good kind of semi-power metal rhythm to this one.

This is the problem: there's nothing on this album I don't like, and were I just reviewing it as purely an album in its own right I'd be perhaps not raving about it but certainly praising it, but as this article concerns Pirate Metal, I have to judge every album on those criteria, and generally speaking t his one is not really measuring up that well. Otherwise it's a great album and I'd really recommend it, but not as an example of Pirate Metal. At least, not yet. Though “The temptress” seems to involve a pirate being drawn in by a siren-like female, and being robbed in the end himself, so I guess that could be counted. Another kind of Arabic melody swirling through this one, like it a lot, though it is quite dark. “The Voyage” is another you would expect to have pirate leanings, and indeed it does. I love the way they work in “Pop goes the weasel” into the melody, and also use that most used of pirate phrases “Yo ho ho!” Nice one, guys. Getting better. Great to finally see some humour coming into Pirate Metal, perhaps for the first time.

We end then on “Under the black flag”, and if this is not a pirate song I will eat my parrot! Seems to carry on the basic melody from “Voyage”, and it is in fact the longest track on the album at just over eight and a half minutes. But yeah, there are pirates all over this thing, as Klarich exults in the power of the pirate brotherhood and pities those who go up against them. It is in fact a song of the revenge of a pirate on the captain who has killed so many of his brothers, and needless to say, our pirate is triumphant and takes both the crew's lives and their cargo. In pirate terms, a happy ending!

TRACKLISTING AND RATINGS

1. Pirate attack
2. Jewels of the dead
3. Halls of illusion
4. Northern shores
5. Pieces of eight
6. The scarab
7. High seas
8. The watcher
9. The temptress
10. Voyage
11. Under the black flag

Despite the different metal style, I'd have to give Verbal Deception the gold so far when it comes to actually practicing what they preach, as it were. There's actually more pirate material here on this one album than there was in the four I sampled from Running Wild, and the addition of sound effects and especially humour really makes this album stand out. I've read some poor reviews of it, but I can't agree that this is better than the Germans. For my money, musically and lyrically, yes, Running Wild have the edge on this one-album competitor from Canada, but to me the originators of Pirate Metal were all about untapped and unused potential, most of which, from my brief foray into their discography at least, seemed to be wasted.

Verbal Deception, on the other hand, though they approach the mateiral in a different manner, and do in fairness also have songs that veer away from the pirate theme, have a much more cohesive view of it, and their one album actually for me stands pretty much head and shoulders above anything I've heard from Running Wild. Sadly, they only had this one album but with it I feel they finally unleashed the vast, seething and grinning heart of Pirate Metal. It's just a pity that it seems they sunk without a trace, as they should have had a bright future. Bon voyage, mateys!

Staying with North America, but moving on down south of the Canadian border, we have another band who seem to have made themselves a decent living by blending Pirate Metal and Thrash Metal together. They've released three albums since 2006, and last year after an absence of four years put out an EP, hilariously titled We hate the sea. I will of course be getting to that, but as they only have three albums plus that, sure why not do their entire discography? It's not as if I have anything else to do, is it?

Hey, at least their name is pirate 101! Their album covers also reflect that, as well as a humourous slant which we've really been missing up to now. Still, I've learned not always to judge an album by its cover in this pseudo-subgenre, so we'll be approaching this with cautious optimism rather than outright expectation.

Crewed by the Damned --- Swashbuckle --- 2006 (Bald Freak Music)

It's a fantastic cover, but as I say... the first track, weirdly and surely coincidentally, is the same title as the last track on the previous album we checked out, by Canadian buccaneers Verbal Deception. It seems to be a very short instrumental though, so they're not covering that song. Got a very Spanish/Mexican feel to it, then the album starts properly with “Welcome aboard” and things get really thrashy. The vocal is growled, and much less intelligible than Kresho Klarich, though it must be said that this guy, who goes by the name of Admiral Nobeard, puts a lot more passion and aggression into his vocal. Lyrically? Try this: "Yo ho ho! This pirate life's for me!/ We'll slit your throat, you'll walk the plank/ The sharks are all you'll see!” Ooh yeah! Now THIS is Pirate Metal! Wenches and whores and gold galore, as they say, and I love the usage of "Avast ye! Hornswoggling swashbucklers!” Stereotypical, Hollywood words, yes, but so much fun and they really conjure up the vision of pirates most of us have grown up with, even this young generation, thanks to Disney and Johnny Depp.

You've got to smile and clap your hands at lines like ”We've come to rape and pillage/ And plunder your village” and then in “Drink up”: ”Pass the ale, pass the rum” and “Drink up mateys! Yo ho ho!” Ah, this pirate life! The album is divided between, it would seem, heads-down, face-punching, gut-wrenching thrash metal and traditional sounding pirate instrumentals. I must say, when the Admiral sings it's pretty hard to make out the words, so it's just as well I have a lyric sheet, but he certainly puts a great sense of fun into the songs, none of which are particularly long (most around the two to three minute mark, many shorter, especially the instrumental interludes). I love the end of “Walk the plank” where, to the delight of the pirate crew, we hear the sound of boards bending and a splash as the offending lubber ends up in the water.

Both Commodore Redrum and Rowin' Joe Po do really well on the guitars, able to switch from the most thrashy, punching metal assault to an almost medieval acoustic with consummate ease, and indeed it seems they all have a hand (presumably with a hook on one end) in writing the lyrics. “Dead men tell no lies” rattles along with anger and fury and revenge, with the final lines ”We'll gather around with all our loot/ And tie a cannon to your boots” surely a classic of its kind. These guys are actually the first so far that I'd love to see live --- they must be a riot! “X marks the spot”, “Upon the Spanish Main”, “Jolly Roger” --- they just keep coming, and while yes, these guys are plundering every available and possible cliche connected to pirates, well hell, isn't that what the thing is supposed to be all about? I have to say too, I love the idea of breaking up the heavier, vocal tracks with an instrumental, each one of which totally reflects a pirate theme, both in title (“Rum runners/What a ship is/ Set sail” etc) and in musical content, most of which are either Spanish guitar ditties or making it sound as if they have mandolins and lyres. It's almost the polar opposite of the vocal tracks, and the difference makes it work so well. Opposites, after all, attract, and we all have two sides to our brain, which work in concert, as the two sides of this album (musically speaking) do.

“Upon the Spanish Main” has a heavy, grinding almost doom metal opening, then kicks into life and speeds along like a pirate galleon in pursuit of a fat freighter and is over before you even realise it has run its two minute length, and we're into another interlude. What I love about these guys is that they seem to literally not give a fuck, reflecting neither the almost apologetic stance of Running Wild, who tried to explain what pirates are and why they do, nor the darker, doomier tone of Verbal Deception: Swashbuckle stand up tall and proud, cutlass at their belt, grog in hand and belch “We're fuckin' pirates! Ya got a problem with that?” Nothing epitomises this as well as “Jolly Roger”, where there is no apology, no explanation and no mercy: they're coming to slit your throat and take your booty! In the case of the ladies, probably literally!

The title track has an almost progressive feel to the opening, then decends into another superb thrashfest, hurtling along at about a hundred knots, certainly faster than a sailing ship can move! Okay, so they reuse lyrics (”Pillage! Pillage! Raid the village!”) but at this point I'm having so much fun I really don't care, and the lyrics are not that deep anyway, as they probably should not be with Pirate Metal: it's all, or should be, about having a good time, not analysing why this pirate or that captain did what he did, or tracing the historic voyage of whatever pirate ship. If you want that, then Running Wild are the ones for you, but if you just want no-holds-barred, hanging-off-the-rigging-drunk-and-ready-for-a-fight, then you need to listen to Swashbuckle!

TRACKLISTING AND RATINGS

1. Under the black flag
2. Welcome aboard
3. Drink up
4. Set sail
5. Walk the plank
6. What a ship is
7. Dead men tell no lies
8. The wooden world
9. X marks the spot
10. Rum runners
11. The Spanish Main
12. The bazaar
13. Jolly Roger
14. Paradise defined
15. Crewed by the damned
16. A fool's errand

So far, so good. A great start. This is the kind of Pirate Metal I want to hear, and expected to hear. Exciting, vibrant, irreverent, humorous and in its way quite authentic, especially the interludes. Let's see if they can keep it up as we stagger aboard the gangway for a second voyage with these scurvy dogs. Avast there! Will ye be holdin' onta me parrot while I climb aboard? Thankee kindly shipmate!

__________________
Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018

Trollheart

Back to the Noose --- Swashbuckle --- 2009 (Nuclear Blast)

Signed to a proper label, their first being an independent jaunt, Swashbuckle released a longer, much longer album upon us three years later. In total, we're looking at 21 tracks, though as with the debut, many of those are short instrumentals that bridge the gap between songs. It's again one of these that sets us off, as “Hoist the mainsail” gives us an acoustic guitar lullaby which then pumps up with fire and defiance and pulls us into “Scurvy back”, where the Admiral reaffirms his crew's commitment to causing carnage, as he roars ”Always ready for the attack/ We're bringing scurvy back!/ You'll have no time to flee/ There's only death at sea!” If the debut album was thrash, then this is thrash times three, with much faster riffs and powerful rhythms, but at this point we've lost Rowin' Joe overboard, so this crazy ship is crewed only by three now. Not that you'd notice, as Commodore Redrum plays guitar with the fury and intensity of two men.

The title track keeps up the madcap speed and the lyric is inspired: [i]”Kill for loot/ Now die in your boots!”[/] and ”Tell us world, are you scared?/ You'd better come fucking prepared!” The instrumental then is like something out of a cantina or something, something you'd expect four Mexicans to be playing while the patrons ignore them and knock back their tequila, and the title is enough to make me wet myself again: “Cloudy with a chance of piracy”. Oh, these guys! Then they barrel headlong into “We sunk your battleship”. I mean, the vocal is such a rapid-fire delivery now that it's impossible to know what Admiral Nobeard is singing, but the energy and enthusiasm is such that you don't really care. And before I can even look at the lyric sheet it's over and we're sharing “Rounds of rum”. Oh that's hilarious! In the previous song they were calling out the codes like in the game. You know, “B5! You sunk my battleship!” and so on. I love these guys. This one is a little more restrained --- only a little --- but no less fun.

“Rime of the haggard mariner” is something different. A sort accordion backing a narration by an old sea dog, with sound effects and I think a sailor's hornpipe going on. Then a kid says “Look mommy! A pirate ship!” and a cannon fires, and everything goes to hell as we power into “Cruise ship terror” as the pirates seem to time-jump and attack a cruise ship, exulting ”We are Swashbuckle! We sunk the Titanic!” And a rousing chorus of “Yo ho!” into the bargain, a superb solo and a last roar of ”We stole your shit!” as they head off across the ocean, then everything stays fast and powerful for “No prey no pay” while “Splash'n'thrash” must be a favourite onstage with the lines ”Take a splash, it's time to thrash/ We steal all the cash/ Let's all splash while we thrash/ Stomp and mosh this piratical bash!” Oh yeah, these guys know how to have a good time.

“The grog box” is a great drinking song, which again must go down well live, then another little pirate jig in “The Tradewinds” before we come to the longest track on the album, with a total running time of ... forty-three seconds! Just kidding obviously, it's the shortest. Well, actually no, I lie there too, as “Whirlpit” is forty-two seconds long! “Attack!” is great though, and just goes for the throat with a real fuck-it mentality and the Admiral snorting like a boar for much of the short vocal, then we're all doing “The peg leg stomp”, ”Chillin' on the ship/ Swabbin' the poopdeck/ Suddenly have the urge to thrash and wreak your neck!” Ah, many's the time, me hearties, many's the time... “Whirlpit” invites the brave into the mosh pit, and at the speed they play this I reckon their might be some claims going in for whiplash! It's followed by another narrative like the earlier one, this being titled “All seemed fine until...” and leads into “It came from the deep!”

It's another mad fretfest and concerns a sea monster disturbed from its sleep, and it ain't happy. Listen to the final verse: "You pirates ruined my nap! /The world'll pay, because of your crap/ I will feast upon this human race /And bring devastation to this place!/ This planet I will devour and make make this your final hour/ Eternity in these watery crypts, hear my name:/ SHARKTOPUSCALYPSE!!!!!!!” And the pirates panic: ”HOLY SHIT! That be a giant! You son of a bitch!” as they are forced to abandon the sinking, wrecked ship, and find themselves “Shipwrecked” as the album comes to a close. What a fucking wild ride!

TRACKLISTING AND RATINGS

1. Hoist the mainsail
2. Scurvy back
3. Back to the noose
4. Cloudy with a chance of piracy
5. We sunk your battleship
6. Rounds of rum
7. Carnivale boat ride
8. Rime of the haggard mariner
9. Cruise ship terror
10. No prey no pay
11. La leyenda
12. Splash-n-thrash
13. The grog box
14. The Tradewinds
15. Attack!
16. Peg leg stomp
17. Whirlpit
18. All seemed fine until...
19. It came from the deep
20. Shipwrecked



I'm just falling in love with these guys! This is how Pirate Metal should be done, and it's only a pity that they have so few albums because I would listen to them all. It's just such immense fun. But we now come to their third and final proper album, though we will check out that EP as I promised later. Right now though, didn't your mother ever teach you that

Crime Always Pays --- Swashbuckle --- 2010 (Nuclear Blast)

Interestingly, I see they've cut the instrumentals down to a mere four on this album, with sixteen tracks in all, so that gives us twelve actual sung tracks. The opener is one of those four instrumentals, and it's really nice but I'm a touch disappointed that “We are the storm”, the first vocal track, doesn't address the apparent demise of the pirate ship from the previous album. The guys just come grinning and slashing (and thrashing) back from the dead, with no explanation. But hey ho, what can you expect? They made such a meal of their destruction though I had hoped there would be something like “The sea can't hold us, we're back” or something. Anyway, however they choose to explain or indeed not explain it, the crew of Swashbuckle are back terrorising the high seas as they love to, this time taking on geeks and video gameheads as the Admiral roars in glee ”You’re just another worthless fucking loser/ With praise of the hammer and your face all in paint/ Do you really believe you’re a warrior now?/ The only battle you’ve seen is on a computer screen!”

Then we're told in no uncertain terms “This round's on YOU!” as they roar ”Real pirates never pay to drink!” while the simple philosophy of ”Lift our cups! Blow shit up!” is the theme for “Powder keg” and a great “Yo ho ho!” chant into the bargain. Fuckin' A! “A time of wooden ships and iron men” delivers exactly what it promises, with a hard rockin' thrash metal fest as the boys sing ”Slashing and thrashing while the waves keep crashing/ This is where we belong!” Amen, brothers! There's even more thrash for your cash with the title track, then there's a sensitive love ballad in “Raw doggin' at the raw bar” (er, not quite...) and the female-friendly, PC material continues into “Gallows pole dancer” (you have to ask?) where I'm not quite sure if they intend it, but they quote Waits (yeah, you didn't think I'd get him into Metal Month, did ya? Shows what you know!) when they sing ”Set 'em up, she'll be knockin' em down”, an almost direct line from “New coat of paint” on The Heart of Saturday Night. Yeah, I'll shut up about that now and stick to piratey phrases, aaar me hearties!

Another nice instrumental before we're looking “At the bottom of a glass”, with a somewhat less manic pace but still a bellowed vocal from the Admiral, and in the same way as they diverged slightly from pirate times to verbally wedgie computer geeks, they now turn their wrath on identity theft in “To steal a life”, blaming those who are too stupid to safeguard their personal information and allow them to go no a spending spree. Obviously, this has a personal connection for me, as most of you know I was recently scammed out of three grand, so it's perhaps not as funny to me as it would be to someone who has not fallen victim to this crime. Mind you, it hurtles along at such speed it would be impossible to know what it's about if you hadn't the lyric to hand. I do notice that this time out most if not all of the lyrics are written by Commodore Redrum, and it has seen a cosmic shift in the subject matter, with a lot more “current” material and a perhaps slighly worrying tendency towards misogyny on this album.

Mind you, you can't take offence at “You bring the cannon, we'll bring the balls”, a sort of almost homage to Lizzy's “Thunder and lightning”, though a whole lot faster and more powerful, and there's glorious support for fatties in “Surf-n-turn (for piratical girth)” (where do they get these titles?) before we close once more on an instrumental, this one called perhaps prophetically “Rope's end”...

TRACKLISTING AND RATINGS

1. Slowly wept the sea
2. We are the storm
3. This round's on YOU!
4. Powder keg
5. Where victory is penned
6. Of hooks and hornswogglers
7. A time of wooden ships and iron men
8. Crime always pays
9. Raw doggin' at the raw bar
10. The gallows pole dancer
11. Legacy's allure
12. At the bottom of a glass
13. To steal a life
14. You bring the cannon, we'll bring the balls
15. Surf-n-turf (for piratical girth)
16. Rope's end

Although the lyrics have turned a little darker on some of the songs, this is still the band that made me cry with laughter on the first two albums, and it's pretty impossible not to like them. The instrumentals, though there are not as many this time around, show that while these guys can headbang and thrash with the best of them, they are perfectly capable of playing sedate music and are not just bashing their guitars and hoping notes come out. Like the pirates they sing about, it's not that they can only thrash, but that they choose to.

I doubt I'd have them any other way.

As promised then, before we leave these hilarious harbingers of harrying on the high seas, there is one more record we can check out. Not an album, and yet sometimes EPs can be as long as the full album; this time though we only have another four tracks to enjoy, a total of just over seven minutes.

We Hate the Sea --- Swashbuckle --- 2014 (Get This Right Records)

Aw, looks like Nuclear Blast dropped them. Or maybe they decided to go their own way; I'm assuming Get This Right is their own label. Anyway, as I say this is their first effort since 2010 and although I would hope there might maybe be an album on the way, a year later, nearly two? Doesn't look too good, does it, me shiverin' mateys? So we'll have to be having this to go on with for now.

Okay, well the speed level has increased, if that's possible, and sad to say, the women-hating lyrics are back as we open on “Beer goggles”, which I'm sure won't give you brainache trying to guess what it's about. It's depressingly bereft of any pirate imagery or references, so could be any thrash/death band singing about banging ugly women. Meh, not a good start guys, not a good start. At least the title track, robbed from The Simpsons, has pirate stuff in it, but why do they hate the sea? Bit incongruous. And it's only a minute long. Not much of the trademark bonhomie and good humour we've become used to there, and “Poop deck toilet wreck” is actually nothing more than them singing about having the squirts. Nothing funny there.

Ah, it's all too ridiculously fast and angry now. “Slaughter on international waters” references, I think, the “70,000 tons of metal” cruise organised for the last few years in Miami, and that's all very fine, but this band is going down the toilet with this release I'm sorry to say. If it's to be their last release, then maybe that's for the best and we can just remember them by three hilarious albums that are ten thousand times better than this shit.

I have a theory. It's probably wrong, but it's my theory and I'm gonna advance it. I feel that over the course of three albums Swashbuckle have, in addition to losing their label (perhaps because of the specialised nature of their music) become tired of playing Pirate Metal and now want to go in a more straight forward thrash direction, hence not only the title of this EP but the raw, unbridled, almost scary anger prevalent all through it. It's like they're saying “We've had our fun, you've had your fun, now fuck off! This is us from now on!” Maybe, after all, they do hate the sea and everything in it. But if so, it's a real pity because they're leaving behind some great and clever music and they may very well alienate the fans they laboured so hard to gather together, and who put them where they are today.

TRACKLISTING AND RATINGS

1. Beer goggles
2. I hate the sea (and everything in it)
3. Poop deck toilet wreck
4. Slaughter on international waters

Time, and the next album released, if any, will tell, but for now I have to say sorry guys, it's the yardarm at dawn for ye lads! Let me down badly, boys. Badly.

__________________
Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018

Trollheart

Let's move on to March now, and check out an album I know Ki has been raving about for the last short while...

Endless Forms Most Beautiful --- Nightwish --- 2015 (Nuclear Blast)

Introduction: Nightwish get a lot of stick, as do many symphonic metal bands, and to be fair I've only heard one or two of their albums, but that sort of thing does appeal to me: bands like Epica, Kamelot, Leaves' Eyes, Edenbridge, all those sort of artistes draw me, and so Nightwish should probably be more on my radar than they are. This is the eighth album in a career spanning almost twenty years, and is their first with new vocalist Floor Jansen.

Note: Unfortunately this is unaccountably not on Spotify, so I have to use YouTube, which I never like doing.

Track by track

1. Shudder before the beautiful: I would say that Jansen is, on the evidence of this opening track anyway, not as strong a singer as Annette Olzon, though the song is the usual gothic Nightwish thing, with solid choruses and strong guitars, rocking nicely. Nothing terribly new about it though. Reserving judgement at this time.
2. Weak fantasy: Despite the title, good strong instrumental start with pounding drums, orchestral keys and that chorus again, then it drops back to allow Jansen to showcase her voice. Passionate, yes, but does she have the chops to replace Olzon? We're still waiting to see.
3. Elan: Nice piano line driving the song, a more restrained song, not quite a ballad but again I feel Jansen's voice needs to be stronger. Maybe that's just her style, but the music seems to be threatening to drown her out much of the time. Good hook in the song. Still nothing that's really made me sit up and take notice. Sort of celtic influence here --- flute or pipes perhaps? Tempo has increased.
4. Yours is an empty hope: More dramatic, with orchestral hits. Then the guitar winds up and the song begins to take flight. Decent vocals but I'm in danger of being really bored already. It just sounds so generic. Play this blind for anyone and I bet there are a dozen like bands they could think were playing. There's just nothing distinctive about it, nothing standing out for me.
5. Our decades in the sun: Guess this is the first ballad. Nice kind of angelic chorus and Jansen's voice suits this sort of song. Yeah it's a nice ballad but I'm struggling to keep my interest at this point. Not looking forward to the closer, which runs for twenty-four fucking minutes!
6. My Walden: Oh man I'm so bored! This is gonna take forever! All right, there's a nice sort of celtic run there at the end, like a reel or something. Kind of woke me up.
7. Endless forms most beautiful: Dramatic, uptempo, same as most of the rest of the album so far. Yawn. Good for what it is, sure, but just so much like everything else I can't be bothered to form an opinion.
8. Edema Ruh: Another nice tune, but again nothing special. Uptempo, good beat, vocal is adequate.
9. Alpenglow: Sorry I've just lost the will to live, or even write anything.
10. The eyes of Sharbat Gula: Oh Christ! A six minute instrumental? Well okay, it's nice and restrained, and the choir is nice. So perhaps not fully an instrumental, depending on how you view choral vocals. It's listed as such though.
11. The greatest show on Earth: Okay then here we go: split into five parts, this is the epic, running for a total of twenty-four minutes exactly. Wake me when it's over. No, seriously. Wake me when it's over. Well now, okay let's be fair: this starts off with a really nice instrumental then we get a quite superb operatic vocal from Jansen, sort of continuing the theme of the opening piece. So far it's actually quite good and I'm engaged. Nice rippling piano. This is the best I've heard on the album. uileann pipes now, with a spoken section, narration of whatever story this is. Evolution of life, I guess, as the album's title is based on a quote from Darwin.

And now the heavier guitars kick in. I've no way of determining which part is which, where one ends and the other begins, but I'm going to guess the instrumental was the first part, the sung part the second and this the third. Could be wrong, of course, but it seems likely. Some sort of animal noises now, against some sort of sound effects which perhaps backs up my assumption about this being about life in all its ... oh, look: Wiki confirms that. Okay then. Certainly the longest track Nightwish have ever done, and in my admittedly uninformed opinion their best. Really like this.

After a few exuberant rounds of “We were here!” there's a rumble of thunder and everything goes quiet, then a soft piano comes through the silence, soon accompanied by a really nice flute I think, or could be Uileann pipes. I think the latter. Some more narration and really powerful, emotional music with a choir adding to the feeling of awe, making me wonder why the rest of the album wasn't like this? Fantastic one to end on though, and I must make sure to watch that video again.

Conclusion: I'm not so sure now. I really thought I'd be saying boring, generic symphonic metal, and for most of the album that accusation is deserved, but then they come up with something like the last track and, rather than having to suffer through it as I expected, I absolutely loved it and it never dragged in the least. I think in fairness I may need to listen to the album a few more times before I can actually rate it, or say what I really think. So for now, as in the first track, I'm going to reserve judgement.

__________________
Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018

Trollheart

And so it's time to move further east now, through Romania and then down south over the Black Sea, past Iraq and into its troubled neighbour, the enfant terrible of Middle Eastern politics and a hotbed of Islamic fundamentalism.

I suppose it's inevitable, living in what is basically a radical theocracy, that Iranian metal would tend to gravitate towards the darker, blacker end of the spectrum and I can assume there are few if any Christian metal bands plying their trade there. However it also seems unlikely that metal bands in general would write music praising Allah, and although it may be and probably is really simplifying things, is it wrong to expect that in a country in which there is so little religious or sexual freedom that the kids would rebel and turn to the other side? Maybe it is, but it can't be denied that when you go looking for Iranian metal bands, at least on Metal Archives, which is my resource for metal outside of the norm, a massive percentage of them turn out to be Black Metal. Like these guys.

Infernal Monarchy --- Helzgloriam --- 2015 (Misantrof ANTIRecords)

I don't honestly know if the band name is an Iranian word, but I have a feeling it's just meant to be a cooler way of saying “Hell's glory” and make it look Latin perhaps. It may also be interesting that this is the first release from this band, who only formed in 2013, and got their first record out this year. What's very interesting though, is that of the four members, all male, all Iranian, it would appear none of them write the lyrics. That's left up to an American, and with names in the band like Agzaroth, Ophion and Attila Magnus, the name Greg Hadley seems as incongruous as a virgin at a Mayhem orgy. Whether our man Greg contributes to the band in any other way is not known: he's simply credited as the lyricist. This could be so that Helzgloriam can sing in English, and perhaps they aren't fluent enough in the language to write in it, but they do seem to be able to sing in it.

Although a Black Metal album, this is a Symphonic one, and while that's closer to the type of Black Metal I prefer (ambient being my other go-to sub-subgenre) it's not because I want to give myself an easy ride here that I chose it. Quite simply, as I find every year as I range farther afield to take in metal from countries not normally associated with the genre, it remains harder and harder to find bands who actually have albums, and then to find those albums somewhere that I can hear them. I went through about five bands who all looked good before these, but found either only demos, singles or albums that were not available. Helzgloriam were the first I came across who actually had something I could get my hands and ears on, and so they were chosen.

The album is not what you would call an epic by any stretch of the imagination. With a total of eight tracks making up under thirty minutes in all, it's not going to take too long to get through it. Whether that means we have eight throwaway songs here, and I'll be glad when I get to the end, or that we have an undiscovered gem and I'm left wanting more, we'll know definitively in exactly twenty six minutes and twenty-seven seconds.

Well there's a nice slow atmospheric guitar and rising dark keys opening “At the heart of Betlehem” (sic) with voices, dark pealing bells, sounds of knocking or hammering, a choir and a big scream, possibly the sound of whips? Yeah whips I think: someone's getting thrashed for sure. Oh, and that's it as we move into “Deconstruct Satanus (sic) knowledge”, with a harder, more pounding guitar and now we get vocals. They're scratchy and growly, as you would expect, but a lot more intelligible than some I've heard in this subgenre. I think there may be two vocalists, one doing the main, screeching voice (that would be Attila Magnus, who also plays the guitar) and another (bass player I think, who goes by the interesting name of Seraphimouz Nanzerne) exhibiting a deeper, more animalistic growl. Guitar work is great, and the keys from Ophion add a really nice ambience, bringing in more choral vocals as everything slips away to just them and the guitar slowly chiming. Now some shredding as the vocal returns (the screechy one), the guitar takes us up to the big finish and into “Satanum”.

Again we get a hard, grinding guitar as the vocalist comes in, with an interesting midsection which seems to involve female vocals, maybe? Hard to say. Definitely more guitar-driven here, and another fairly short track, and the guitar remains in prominence as “Resurrection sigil” slows things down a little with a sort of romping guitar sound more reminiscent of traditional metal bands really. First song on the album that fades. “Hex propaganda” has a great beat and melody, odd things to say about Black Metal perhaps, but I really like this one. Again the keys are pushed fairly far back into the shadows with guitar taking centre stage, and a fine job of it does Attila Magnus. This fades too, but the following track is almost pure thrash metal, and “Obscure wing of ascent” is one of the shorter tracks here, but also pretty much a standout for me. Superb guitar work on it and the drumming, thanks to Agzaroth, is ace too.

That just leaves us with two tracks to hear before saying goodbye to these guys, with “The black essence” really kicking out the stays and letting the lads loose to enjoy themselves, some badass riffing here but most notably we see the return of Ophion to the forefront, with some fine synthwork, and the album then closes on the almost prog-like “Cavernous prayers”, which actually at the last moment gets my vote for standout on the album, and it's up against some pretty stiff competition! The usage of the keys and choral vocals here swings it for me though. It's also an instrumental, and a damn good one.

TRACKLISTING

1. At the heart of Betlehem
2. Deconstruct Satanus knowledge
3. Satanum
4. Resurrection sigil
5. Hex propoganda
6. Obscure wing of ascent
7. The black essence
8. Cavernous prayers

I would not have expected anything of this quality a) from a black metal band and b) from an Iranian black metal band. These guys stand out from the crowd in their songwriting and their playing, and I can't fault even the vocals. With this being their first album I hope it won't be their only one; the world needs to hear more of this. A really worthy effort, and something you should check out.

__________________
Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018

Trollheart

Mythsofmetal seldom lets me down, and at least he doesn't fuck around with me for his own amusement, recommending albums he must know I would hate and not want to listen to. He already helped me out bigtime with some excellent examples of Atmospheric Black Metal, so here's the first of his list of albums he thinks I should check out.

Curse of the cwelled --- Forefather --- 2015 (Seven Kingdoms)
Last year I reviewed Steadfast and I'm told I didn't have a very high opinion of it, so mythsofmetal wants me to try again with the latest from British folk metal band Forefather. So here we go. Meh, I'm not impressed with the first track, which kind of passed me by. The vocals are certainly hard to make out, or at least the lyrics are. I can hear the guiy singing but not what he is singing. There's a nice kind of celtic feel to some of the melody, but I feel it lacks something. There's more energy in “The anvil”, and it bounces along nicely, while “By my lord I will lie” marches along with purpose, and “Fire of baited blood” (huh?) has a great sharp guitar driving it. I just feel there's nothing terribly much to excite me here. It's not to say the album is bad, cos it's not, but I just don't get as fired up about it as I had hoped I might.

The title track is the first one where I actually start to nod my head and think, yeah, there might be something here. There's an ominous, dramatic sort of ringing guitar tone flowing through the melody and it's quite catchy. From what I see from re-reading my review of Steadfast, this is the first time Atheistan gets on vocals, as we can hear the lyric much more clearly, whereas up to now we've had to deal with the appropriately guttural ones of Wulfstan. And here he comes again. “Awakened hate” strides along on a nice triumphant warrior-style line, and well we also hear Atheistan taking partial vocals here, which is good. “Painted with blood” is another one that rides along on a powerful guitar with a warrior chorus idea, but I'm still feeling the same as apparently I did last year: good album, but just that. Good. Not great, not special, doesn't blow my skirt up at all. Still four tracks to go, so maybe something will happen, but I'm not that hopeful.

There's more fine metal in “Rustics to remain”, but speaking of remaining, I doubt any of these tracks are going to remain in my memory once this album has ended. It's just not making an impression on me at all. The two guys certainly know how to play, but this seems like it's going to turn into a somewhat shorter version of the review from 2014, where I advise that there's nothing wrong with this album, but nothing really makes it stand out that much either. I find it hard to muster any enthusiasm, and this probably demonstrates why, when a band has not really impressed me with one album, it's probably not likely they will do so with another. I more or less had my say on Forefather last year. Mythsofmetal asked me to try again. I have, and my opinion remains pretty much the same. Nothing I hate about the album, but nothing I love really either. A solid metal album, but only that.

TRACKLISTING AND RATINGS

1. Havoc on Holy Island
2. The anvil
3. By my lord I will lie
4. Fire of baited blood
5. Curse of the cwelled
6. Awakened hatred
7. Painted with blood
8. Rustics to remain
9. Edge of oblivion
10. Master of fate
11. The river-maid's farewell

__________________
Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018

Trollheart

Now that I've managed to struggle through Frownland's top ten, let me just make a little announcement. As a thank you to those who bother to submit top tens (even if they get trashed like I did some of Frown's!) I want to offer a little extra, so here's what I'm doing. First, every top ten will, after having been reviewed here, be reordered by me. This will be done in light of what I thought of the albums, and how, if they were in my top ten, I would have ranked them. Any albums that I hated and that would never be in my top ten will still be counted, as these are your lists and I intend to pay them the proper respect.

So, although in some cases half or more of your choices would never make it into my top ten, I will rank them as if they would. It will be interesting to see how different, or similar, the rankings end up.

But how does that help you? It doesn't of course. But in addition to this reshuffling I will be awarding each album a mark out of 10, and therefore a total percentage, where obviously a perfect top ten (in my mind) will get a 100% score while the worst ever will get 10%, 1 being the lowest I will award any album.

Whoever ends up with the highest score will be allowed to submit three more albums to be reviewed in the final week of Metal Month III, with certain caveats and conditions, which I will go into later.

So, whoever has what I consider to be the best list will be able to give me three more of his albums that maybe they had to drop from the list, making a top thirteen then in that one member's case. Scores will be revealed two days after the final top ten has been completed, which at this point is looking to be Oct 25.

__________________
Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018

Frownland

Should I just recommend three albums right now, then?

__________________

Studies show that when a given norm is changed in the face of the unchanging, the remaining contradictions will parallel the truth.